#and making it 'sports' themed also keeps it pretty straight forward and contained: the story ends when the event ends

[rcrisdraws]

This might be the first time I actually came up with an entire start to finish plot-

[lets-talk-appella]

i’m nobody’s but yours

Chapter 1/25 - Beca’s Prologue

Summary: Beca is straight as an arrow. 100%, totally, completely, straight. Except for one problem that 100%, totally, completely changes everything: Chloe Beale.

Title borrowed from Calum Scott's "If Our Love Is Wrong."

Thank you to everyone who has shown interest in and support for this fic, and a MASSIVE thanks to @acabellas, because without her it wouldn’t even exist. Stay litty, fam!

Word Count: 4k

Rating: M (for dark themes, homophobia, masturbation, and eventual smut in later chapters) Title borrowed from Calum Scott's "If Our Love Is Wrong."

AO3 and FFN

Keep reading below the cut:

Note: This fic is not inherently sad, but it’s not a happy fic, either. It’s a life fic, one that focuses on Beca’s difficulties in coming to terms with her sexuality – which she will not label in this fic – as well as depicting struggles that she and Chloe go through in developing their relationship. Themes of guilt, shame, and self-hatred are discussed, as are depictions of homophobic attitudes and comments directed toward several characters. I chose to write it this way because these are real struggles and challenges faced by many in the LGBTQ+ community. I will place trigger warnings in chapters that are more intense or contain slurs and homophobic language. I hope that, by having these issues in fic form, we can explore the LGBTQ+ experience through Beca’s eyes and find strength to face those struggles together, and eventually, be freed.

TW: homopobic/hate language

Beca’s first crush is on Dylan Erickson. They’re in kindergarten, and she likes him because he shares his Oreos with her at lunch. He’s cute, with dark skin, brown curly hair, and chocolate-colored eyes, and he always swings with her outside at recess. He holds her hand on the way to the lunchroom and she likes the way that makes butterflies erupt in her tummy. She’s pretty sure she loves him; at least, she gives him the “I love you” hand sign from across their kindergarten room every now and then.

Everything changes when a new girl, Melissa Simmons, joins their classroom following winter break. She looks a lot like Beca, with brown hair and dark blue eyes, and Beca doesn’t miss the double-take Dylan does when he first sees her. It makes Beca angry, and when Melissa smiles right back at Dylan, her blood boils.

Beca doesn’t like Melissa.

But Dylan does. It isn’t long before Dylan invites Melissa to play with him and Beca on the swings at recess. Beca tries to be a good sport about it, she really does, but the little smirk adorning Melissa’s face as Dylan pushes her on the swings tells Beca everything she needs to know.

Once recess is done, it’s time for them to head to lunch. Beca reaches out a hand to Dylan, expecting him to hold it like always, but he doesn’t. Instead, he turns to Melissa, leaving Beca to trail behind as the three of them make their way to the lunch room. And Beca tries not to let it bother her when Dylan spends most of lunch time talking to Melissa instead of her, but when Dylan opens his pack of Oreos and hands one to Melissa, Beca sees red.

She stands and shoves Melissa off her chair and down to the gross floor of the lunchroom. She does it because she’s in kindergarten and because she’s pretty sure she loves Dylan, and nothing has ever felt better in her short life. She fully intends to continue to the fight, but then Melissa starts crying and the lunchtime supervisors all rush over, concern written across their faces, and Beca knows she’s in trouble. Sure enough, before she can even blink, she’s being sent to the principal’s office, feeling Dylan’s eyes on her back as she goes.

She’s scolded, but only lightly; they are in kindergarten, and she hadn’t done more than push Melissa. Her real punishment comes after, when she returns to her classroom – lunchtime is over by then – to see Melissa and Dylan sitting together at the same table, hand-in-hand and talking to each other like they’re the only people in the room.

After school, Beca goes home utterly distraught at the apparent ending of her first relationship. Immediately after stepping off the school bus, she flings herself into her mom’s arms. Her mom simply sinks down, wrapping her in a big hug as she cries and chokes out the story. She tells her mom everything, even how she pushed Melissa, needing to get it all out. Her mom only holds her tighter, her fingers running through Beca’s hair as they sit on the curb outside their house.

When Beca is finally cried out, her mom pulls a Kleenex out of nowhere and helps Beca wipe her face. She tells Beca that it’s okay to be sad, but that she can’t let it make her sad forever. When she tells Beca that that kind of thing with Dylan and Melissa happens sometimes, and will probably happen in the future, Beca nearly bursts into tears all over again.

But then her mom says, “I’ll always love you, no matter what,” and Beca smiles, then screeches when her mom lunges forward to tickle her sides. They both fall to the ground laughing until the tickle attack ends and leaves them both straining for air against the grassy ground.

Later, sitting at their kitchen table between both her parents and eating her mom’s homemade chicken noodle soup, Beca can’t remember why she ever cared so much about Dylan Erickson.

Beca doesn’t think much about boys for a little while, beyond the occasional realization that they have cooties and are generally covered in some form of dirt. It’s not until she’s in the 4th grade and Nick Walker moves to her school from Michigan that she finds herself thinking that not all boys are bad. Nick is blonde, blue-eyed, and incredibly athletic even for the 4th grade. He immediately becomes involved in every after-school sport Beca’s relatively small school has to offer and already shows promise to become a high school sports star.

Pretty much every girl in Beca’s grade and in the grade below are beside themselves over Nick Walker. If Beca’s honest with herself, she doesn’t really see why. Sure, he’s cute, but the more Beca hears about Nick, the less she likes him. Beca’s more of a reader than a runner, and Nick seems to only talk about sports, sports, and more sports.

She mostly admires Nick’s looks from afar as he “dates” girl after girl in their grade. Her best friend Kelsey shows her a notebook of hers with “Mrs. Kelsey Walker” written in cursive all over the pages. She seems scandalized that Beca hasn’t done the same. So, Beca tries it, but after her second “Mrs. Beca Walker” scrawled near the top of a page, she decides she’s not really that invested and would prefer not to ruin a notebook.

When Beca’s in 7th grade, she finally gets her period a week before she turns 13. It feels like everyone else had gotten theirs much, much sooner; Alexis McMahon certainly had. At 13, Alexis looks like a 16- or 17-year-old and is the talk of the school. She’s blonde, tall, and very pretty, with curves and stylish tops and skirts that make Beca’s hoodies and jeans look like trash bags.

It’s no secret that all the boys like her and that most of the girls are jealous of her. Beca wonders sometimes if she’s jealous of Alexis, too; she certainly spends more time than totally necessary thinking about her and looking at her. It’s hard not to, when she has three of her classes with Alexis, one of which is gym class.

Kelsey, still her best friend, is in gym with her too, which is fun. They’re on the soccer unit right now, and Beca loves playing on offense with Alexis and Kelsey. Mostly, she likes to watch Alexis, but she also likes to show off a little; she’s pretty good at soccer, and she’s filled with pride when, during one particularly good play, she gets the assist when she passes the ball to Alexis, who scores a goal.

Alexis smiles at her, nodding happily, and it makes Beca’s chest feel kind of funny and fluttery. She keeps staring at Alexis, even after Alexis turns away to reset in the middle of the field. She doesn’t even realize she’s doing it until Kelsey steps up beside her and hisses, “Careful Beca, someone’s gonna think you’re lesbo.”

Kelsey’s words sting and Beca flinches away. She doesn’t really understand what Kelsey means, but she knows enough not to want to be called that in front of everyone else. And especially not in front of Alexis. So Beca shakes her head, laughs, and brushes it off, not quite meeting Kelsey’s eyes.

She lets her friendship with Kelsey fade gradually after that without really acknowledging – even to herself – why exactly. She starts to withdraw, not letting herself stare at anyone she finds attractive, boy or girl. She doesn’t want people to assume anything, even though she’s not a “lesbo” at all.

Beca doesn’t let her eyes linger on Alexis again.

Beca’s parents divorce when she’s 14. On the day her mom kicks her dad out of the house for cheating on her with one of his TAs, Beca blasts her music at full volume through her earbuds. It’s the first time she uses music to drown out the sound of her thoughts.

She’d liked to spend time with her dad; he’d spontaneously take her to get ice cream with a wink and a “don’t tell Mom,” (which seems ironic now, considering it turned out there were lots of things he didn’t tell her mom) and whenever she couldn’t sleep, he used to sit on the floor next to her bed and hum “Yellow Submarine” by The Beatles until she finally drifted off.

But as she watches Warren – that’s what she decides to call him from now on, now that he’s undeserving of the “dad” title – walk down the driveway and out of her and her mom’s lives, Beca shoves those good memories and warm feelings of her father away and locks them in a tiny box where they can’t hurt her. A strange hollow ache replaces those feelings, opening in her chest and startling her with its emptiness.

As Warren gets into his car and pulls away, Beca’s mom glances over at her, eyebrows drawn together. Beca tries hard to school her expression but knows she didn’t quite fake it well enough when her mom pulls her into a hug and whispers, directly into her ear, “I’ll always love you, no matter what.” Beca focuses on the warm arms wrapped around her, the only secure thing in her life in that moment.

Later that year, the movie Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix comes out. Beca and her mom go to the opening weekend together, both dressed in Hogwarts robes (Gryffindor, of course) her mom had found at a secondhand store. Beca’s sure they’re both feeling Warren’s absence, but they don’t talk about it. Instead, Beca loses herself in the excitement of the crowd at the theater and spends her time surveying others’ costumes. She’s not sure if she’s more excited for the movie or if her mom is; she hasn’t seen her mom smile this much since Warren left.

The theater is crowded and she ends up squished between her mom and an older teenage girl. The girl has an annoying tendency to giggle and fan herself whenever Daniel Radcliffe comes on screen – which is a lot. While he may be kind of cute in the right lighting, Beca finds herself more focused on Emma Watson than anyone else. Hermione is definitely her favorite character.

Beca doesn’t see Warren on her 15th birthday. There’s a rumor floating around that he’s stopped seeing his TA and started dating someone more age-appropriate. It doesn’t matter to Beca, though. She takes the $50 out of the card he mails her and then throws the actual card in the recycling without reading it. Her mom doesn’t say anything, though Beca knows she sees the card in the bin. The double-chocolate cake she makes for Beca is massive that year.

At 15, she gets her first kiss from Drew Metrie under the bleachers at the homecoming football game.

They were sort of dating, she supposes. At least, he’d asked her to homecoming three days prior. The short notice had been annoying, but thankfully, her mom was able to take her to the mall in time for them to find a blue dress that mostly matched her eyes.

The football game is the night before the dance. Beca hadn’t been planning on going to the game, but Drew had insisted. At the game, they sit awkwardly on the bleachers with several of his other friends and their dates. Everyone seems to know each other really well; they talk through most of the game, Drew becoming involved in a heated discussion about… something (Beca doesn’t know or really care), which leaves her to stare at the field in front of her in quiet boredom. She’s pretty sure Drew had forgotten she’s even there. That is, until the third quarter, when he turns suddenly and grabs her hand to lead her down and behind the bleachers.

The kiss is good, she supposes. She doesn’t have anything to compare it to, but it’s still nice. Drew keeps his tongue in his mouth – thankfully – and cups her face gently with his hands. She loops her arms around his waist, and is actually kind of disappointed when he pulls away first.

He smiles at her shyly before they return to his friends on the bleachers. He keeps talking to them, leaving her sitting on the end of the group, but she doesn’t really mind. Her lips – actually her whole body – feel warm and a little tingly for the rest of the game. She does really like Drew Metrie, even though they don’t talk much.

The next night, Drew drives to her house to pick her up for the dance. Her mom insists on taking way too many photos of her and Drew, who’s wearing a suit that’s a little too big for him. The tie matches her dress, though, which is unexpected. Drew helps her down the front steps of her house, even though her heels aren’t that high, and he opens his passenger car door for her, helping her climb inside.

The dance is surprisingly fun, considering it’s being held in their high school’s gymnasium. They dance together and with groups of their friends. It’s really more jumping up and down than dancing, but Beca prefers it that way. The few slow dances that the DJ does play are a little awkward; she and Drew just stand and revolve slowly on the spot. He kisses her again at the end of the last slow song of the night, and again, she finds herself liking it more than she’d expected to.

After homecoming weekend, though, nothing really comes of it. She sees Drew in the hallways sometimes and they always greet each other with a smile and a wave, but nothing more. They only hang out one more time, grabbing dinner one Friday at a local pizza joint, but it’s pretty obvious it’s just as friends. They stay in touch and text occasionally, but that’s it. He doesn’t kiss her again.

Just three days after Beca turns 16 and get her driver’s license, her mom dies in a car accident. Everyone knows you’re not supposed to swerve for animals; it’s one of the first things Beca learned in her driving classes. Yet, witnesses to the accident said that’s exactly what Beca’s mom did when a family of ducks tried crossing the highway in front of her.

It’s the worst day of Beca’s life.

The day of the funeral is a close second, though. She hates having to stand there as scores of people file past, telling her how sorry they are. She gets tired of hearing it after a while and does her best to tune it all out by thinking of music she likes, interwoven with her mom’s voice whispering in her ear, “I’ll always love you, no matter what.”

The realization that she’ll never hear her mom’s voice again makes her mentally blast her favorite music as loud as she can, trying desperately to fill that hollow ache tearing through her chest, reappeared and renewed, a thousand times worse than when Warren left them. She’s not sure this ache will ever ease.

She moves to live with Warren and his new wife of less than six months, Sheila. They’re only half an hour away, so she doesn’t have to switch schools. Not that that really matters; she withdraws from people after the accident. She blocks everyone out, telling herself she doesn’t care when even the friends she’d been closest to eventually give up on her. With her earbuds in and at full volume almost constantly, she builds a wall between herself and everyone else, using music as a crutch.

Living with Warren again is difficult. It makes her angry, and it also makes her sad because it reminds her of how it used to be. She hates seeing how affectionate he is with Shelia when she so clearly remembers how he used to be like that with her mom.

Sheila “the step-monster” is truly unpleasant. She doesn’t try to hide how much she resents that Beca had come to live with them.  She never says anything in front of Warren, but the glares she often sends Beca’s way are clear enough indication. Beca tries not to let it bother her; the feeling is mutual.

Beca’s with Warren and Sheila, trailing beside them in the mall one day when two men holding hands, clearly in a relationship, exit a store ahead of them. The sight makes Beca feel wistful for some reason, but makes Warren’s expression harden and Sheila’s mouth twist. Glaring, Sheila mutters something that Beca doesn’t fully hear, but she makes out the words “perverted,” and “in public.” She then asks, more loudly, which of the men is the “woman in the relationship.”

It makes Warren glance quickly at Beca and away before laughing once. Beca frowns at the tiled floor ahead of her; she doesn’t see humor anything Sheila said.

During her junior year of high school, Alicia Harrison – a girl in Beca’s grade – comes out as bisexual. She’s teased mercilessly by her peers, many of whom imply she’s sleeping with the entire student body. Others say she’s doing it for attention and that bisexuality isn’t real. Beca never joins in on the teasing, but she doesn’t stop it when she sees it happening, either.

She makes sure to never mention Alicia in front of Warren or Sheila.

Beca’s 17 and a senior when she meets Carrie Lawson.

It’s only Beca’s second day of work at the music store in the mall, but she already hates it. Her boss is an overweight, middle-aged man who always has some sort of stain on his shirt. His eyes linger too long on her recently-developed chest for her comfort, but she really needs the money. She isn’t sure what she expected – it’s not like she could make her mixes while on the job – but spending all day trying to sell CDs to people is somehow worse than she thought it would be.

She’s already been yelled at by two different customers for being too slow on the register, still needs to learn the layout of the store and merchandise, and has had to restock shelves of Justin Bieber three times already, which, ew. People need to learn what real music is.

The only bright spot in her work life is her coworker, Carrie. Carrie goes to the neighboring town’s high school, which is why they haven’t met before. Beca would certainly remember if they had; Carrie is even shorter than her, blue-eyed, sandy-haired, and very pretty. She’s also incredibly funny, kind, and just as into music as Beca is.

They bond quickly over how creepy their boss is and how crappy everyone else’s music taste is. As they get to know each other over the days and weeks, Beca learns that Carrie lost her mom about three years ago to cancer. They bond over that, too. Carrie is easy to talk to; so easy that she becomes the only person Beca opens up to. They text almost constantly and eventually start to spend time together outside of work, too.

Carrie begins to hug her a lot, sometimes even coming up from behind her while she’s at the register and wrapping her arms around her waist and pressing close to her back. Sometimes Carrie will brush her fingertips along Beca’s arm or across her lower back. Beca’s surprised to realize how much she likes the affection; she can’t remember the last time she let someone hug her. At her mom’s funeral, maybe? It’s not like she lets Warren or Sheila touch her, and she’s driven away her friends. It’s been a long time since someone touched Beca, and she’s missed it.

She tries not to overthink it.

But then, suddenly, it’s all she can think about.

She misses Carrie’s touch, Carrie’s presence, Carrie’s voice, Carrie’s perfume. She misses her friend, even when they only go hours or a few short days without seeing each other between work shifts. Carrie calls her “my little DJ,” and that makes Beca’s chest feel funny. Carrie touches her more and more, texts her more and more, sends her heart emojis more often than Beca would have tolerated from anyone else. Once, Carrie steps up behind her and brushes her lips to Beca’s cheek, leaving a burning imprint before spinning away with a laugh.

They’re not dating. They don’t talk about it. It’s just a thing.

Until it isn’t anymore. Carrie doesn’t show up for work one night, and she doesn’t reply to Beca’s texts. When she still doesn’t reply hours later, Beca calls, only for it to go to voicemail. When Beca becomes truly desperate, she tries Facebook, then email, only to get silence in return.

It’s not until almost a week later – a week filled with fear and stomach-churning anxiety – that Beca’s boss bothers to tell her that Carrie had quit. Her parents had heard rumors of Carrie having a girlfriend at her high school and had shipped Carrie away to live with her religious grandmother, without access to her phone or the Internet. Lip curling with mirth as he tells the story, Beca’s boss growls, “Good riddance. Don’t need a dirty dyke in my store.”

The words hit Beca like a truck. She has to hold onto the register for support as the words sink in. The idea that Carrie’s absence is due to her having a – a girlfriend sends the room spinning. It’s only made worse by the realization that she’s more than a little jealous of this girlfriend.

The thought makes something ugly and unbidden rise within her, something she doesn’t want to address now or ever. Beca instantly shuts down that line of thought before it can really form, locking it behind a cement wall where it presses and strains to be freed, but she keeps it restrained. The touches hadn’t meant anything. They had been brought on by emotional vulnerability and shared trauma. They’d been emotionally close; surely it was just natural for them to be physically close? It doesn’t mean anything beyond that.

She isn’t into girls. She isn’t bisexual. She’s certainly not lesbian. Even the word – so often sexualized or ostracized – feels dirty to her. What she feels for Carrie isn’t gay; they were just good friends. Beca tells herself that over and over again until she believes it, until she’s almost convinced herself. She’s straight. That’s all there is to it. She shoves Carrie forcibly from her mind, locking her into a little box of her own.

She quits her job a few days later. It doesn’t matter anyway, not when she’s graduating so soon and moving to LA (assuming Warren gets over his college kick).

Through sheer force of will, she maintains that she is straight as an arrow and that Carrie – whatever that whole thing had even been – was just a fluke.

Then, at 18, against her will and recovering from her past wounds, Beca meets Chloe Beale.

[paulisweeabootrash]

First Impression: Kaguya-sama: Love is War

I have nothing clever to open with, so instead:

"You fall in love with someone, confess that love, and become a couple.  Everyone would say that’s a wonderful thing.  But they’re wrong!  Even among sweethearts, there exists a distinct power relationship!  A side that exploits and a side that’s exploited, a side that’s devoted, a side receiving devotion, a winner and a loser!  If you’re trying to live a noble life, then you mustn’t become a loser.  Love is war!”

— from the opening narration of today’s topic, Kaguya-sama: Love is War (2019)

Episodes watched: 9

Gigguk summed this show up in his video summarizing the Winter 2019 season by saying it poses "one of the most important questions in modern philosophy: if a tsundere and a tsundere liked each other, would they ever find out?"  Kaguya Shinomiya and Miyuki Shirogane are, respectively, the vice president and president of the student council at their elite private school.  The former is an heiress waited on by servants, the latter worked his way in from a family that is poor by elite private school standards.  Both are serious, brilliant, and manipulative, but totally inexperienced in romance and consumed by crushes on each other that they are unwilling to confess because they each suspect the other's crush and want to get the other to admit it first.

This is all summed up at the beginning of episode 1 in the melodramatic intro narration which starts with what I quoted above then carries on for three additional minutes of exposition explaining the main characters and setting.  Then again at the beginning of ep. 2.  Then just when you think they'll pull it a third time, they fast forward through it at the beginning of ep. 3 and from 4 on they switch to either cold opens or jumping directly into the opening theme.  I bring this up because it’s exactly the kind of nice touch this show relies on as it makes the serious and kind of pompous into the hilarious.  They knew just how long to keep that running joke going.

Kaguya and Miyuki's almost-a-relationship is shown to us in slice-of-life vignette style, usually three per episode.  Like Azumanga's vignettes, these start out as self-contained shorts but gradually turn into multiple segments of episode-long stories as the season progresses.  Their strategizing about trying to initiate a relationship is, as you might expect, the main driver of the show’s plot and comedy.  Mundane conversations turn into extensive exposition dumps in the characters' imaginations and almost heist-movie-like walkthroughs of their plans as they try to guess what the other will do, and the show finds humor in the sheer self-consciousness and absurdity of those plans -- as when Kaguya and Miyuki both lie about forgetting their umbrellas in hopes that the other will romantically offer to share their own and go through strategic inner monologues about how they contrived this.  The show also exaggerates the mundane visually by borrowing from the particular kinds of shots heavy on motion lines and exaggerated movements that would be used for straight drama in an action or sports anime.  Miyuki's utter failure to play volleyball would not be nearly as funny if it weren't presented as a training montage.

Each vignette is framed as being a contest between them, and a winner and/or loser (usually just a loser) is declared at the end of most of them.  This format is pretty funny on its own, but it would probably get tedious if not for recurring characters who stir things up and upend their metaphorical chessboard mid-game, often leading to vignettes that conclude with neither winning.  Student Council Secretary (and close friend of Kaguya) Chika Fujiwara is much more expressive and extraverted than the others, introducing her own colorful and eccentric interests and habits and small doses of chaos that interfere directly with the would-be couple's predictions of each other's behavior -- and turns out to have at least as thorough an understanding of Kaguya and Miyuki's thought processes and habits as they do of each other's.  Treasurer Yu Ishigami, a first-year the others do not know well but recruited due to his sheer skill, is the polar opposite of Chika: pessimistic to the point of likely depression and terrified of Kaguya.  He is, if anything, the closest the show has to an antagonist when he does things like obliviously offend the other councilmembers or attempt to institute a "happiness tax" on students in relationships.  And that's not even getting into Kaguya’s valet/confidant Ai Hayasaka, or the other budding couple who come to Kaguya and Miyuki repeatedly to receive their questionable relationship advice.

Kaguya-sama: Love is War is just delightful and I strongly recommend it.  The manga is still ongoing and even though I'm not done with this season yet, I already want a second one.

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W/A/S: 5 / 2 / 3

Weeb: More foreign in execution than content, although there are some specific Japanese tropes that come off as nonsense if you're unfamiliar with them, like Chika saying the thunder god will take her belly button.  As mentioned above, there is a lot of visual style borrowed from action and sports anime used for comedic effect, and it's probably funnier if you've seen some uses of that seriously first.  Some points at which a joke neither quite translates well nor gets replaced by a joke with a similar that works better in English — most egregiously, an entire sketch that is built around a pun that doesn't translate but also isn't explained, leaving the audience potentially shocked and confused (see Stray Observations).

Ass: No fanservice.  Lots of sexual jokes, mostly playing off of Kaguya being not only inexperienced with but sheltered from sexuality, plus the general kinds of comments you might expect real teenagers to make.

Shit (writing): A few bits of the subtitle translation seem clunky or off but I can't quite place why.  The melodramatic narrator is very funny at first but his exposition/explanation dumps eventually get tedious.  Otherwise, no complaints here.

Shit (other): Yet another show suffering from occasional very low frame rate, but it otherwise looks great and is absolutely full of those exaggerated reaction faces that you get in a lot of comedy anime.  There are two different ending animations, which is interesting.  Other people online are fixated on Chika's dance, but I really like the other ending, Kaguya's elaborate dream of an action-adventure with the rest of the Student Council.

Content: Nothing in particular.

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Stray observations:

- Hey, uh, translators writing subtitles?  Please, please, please, if there is a pun that can't even be replaced by a joke with a similar format in English, put some kind of note explaining it.  I had to end up relying on an unverified forum post and Google Translate to piece together the "wiener" sketch in ep. 7.  Allegedly, "chinchin" means "begging", then somehow obtained a euphemistic use as a term for penis (the use most weebs are familiar with), then because of that euphemistic meaning also got used as an informal term for sausage.

- My wife has described Chika as basically her type.  This comes as a great relief to me, as her usual comments on anime girls consist mostly of identifying way too strongly with all the yanderes.

- A recurring background music piece, used approximately as a leitmotif for Kaguya, reminds me a lot of the theme from Doki Doki Literature Club...  Oh dear.  Maybe that’s why Yu is so scared of her.

[revwinchester]

Impressive, Winchester

Summary: In 1995, Dean spent time in a boys home.  While he stayed with Sonny, Dean joined the school wrestling team and found that he was a natural at the sport.  This is the story of Dean’s brief wrestling career and the start of his romance with the coach’s daughter.

Author: @revwinchester

Characters/Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader, OMCs - the wrestling team, coaches, opponents, etc.  Mentions of Sonny, Sam, and an OFC.

Word Count: 4892

Warnings: a little bit of cursing, Dean in high school, a teeny tiny bit of angst.

A/N: This was written for @impalaimagining’s One Word Prompt Challenge.  My prompt was “Victory,” which I set out to make the major theme of this story.  It’s set in 1995, the year that Dean spent a few months at Sonny’s boys home and won the state wrestling title.  I don’t know a whole lot about wrestling so a decent amount of research went into this one and I’m still not positive I all of the technical stuff right.  I haven’t ever seen a fic quite like this before so please let me know what you think!

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Impressive, Winchester -

Dean walked into the school gym feeling pretty stupid.  He looked ridiculous, he thought, in the tight green and gold singlet and he wasn’t sure why he was even here.  He’d never been on any kind of a team before, unless you counted the times he’d hunted with his dad.  Hunting was a solitary life, though, and it was going to be his life so why had he agreed to this again?  Oh, right, Sonny.  Dean liked the man.  He would have made a good hunter if that had been his lot in life.  Sonny ran the boys home where Dean’s dad had dumped him and he had suggested that Dean needed a better outlet for his anger and frustration than picking fights with the other boys on the farm.  So, now, Dean found himself dressed in school colors, standing in the gym, about to start his first wrestling practice.  It was something that he wasn’t particularly looking forward to.

Once he was down on the mat, though, and listening to the coaches’ instructions,Dean found that he was a natural at the sport.  Even the coaches were impressed with his strength and his ability to break free of just about any hold the other students put him in.  Growing up in the life had been good for something, Dean thought to himself, and when he finally joined his dad on the road again, he hoped to have some new moves to use in the next hunt.  Or, at least, something cool to show Sammy.  

Sammy… Dean had been skeptical of Sonny and the boys home at first but he’d found the place to be comfortable.  Having a steady roof over his head, eating three square meals a day, and sleeping in the same bed for more than two or three nights certainly had it’s appeal.  If it weren’t for his little brother Sam, Dean would have wanted to stay.  His brother needed him, though.  Dean had to look out for his his brother, it was his job to take care of Sam and he couldn’t do that while he was stuck with Sonny.

Dean was pulled from his thoughts by the sound of the gym door slamming shut followed by the head coach’s whistle and his instruction for the boys on the team to take a break.  Dean’s eyes darted toward the door and he took in the girl who had just entered the gym.  Y/N was in one or two of his classes - english and biology, he recalled - and apparently, she was also the wrestling coach’s daughter.  Dean had thought her pretty the first time he had seen her and, though he had never spoken with her, she had continued to endear herself to him ever since.  His favorite memory was from biology class.  They were dissecting frogs and, while all the other girls had squealed about how gross it was, Y/N had simply gotten to work while humming some of Dean’s favorite Bon Jovi songs.  Her sweet voice moved effortlessly through the melodies as she took apart her frog at the table behind him.

Now, though, she hugged her dad and then settled on the bleachers with her headphones over her ears as she popped a CD into the portable player she had pulled out of her backpack and opened a book Dean recognized from english class.  The pattern held true for the next week.  Y/N would come into the gym about half way through wrestling practice, after her own after school activity had finished - choir practice, Dean had learned - and she would sit and work on homework while she waited for the team’s practice to end so her dad could take her home.  

The next week in biology class, the teacher asked them to select partners for the lab they would be working on.  Dean turned to Y/N at the table behind him and asked her if she’d work with him.  She agreed with a shy smile and Dean was officially smitten.

They were doing something with plants or maybe cells… Dean wasn’t sure.  There was a microscope on their lab table but he hadn’t been able to pay attention since Y/N had smiled at him.  She seemed content to get things set up while Dean just sat and watched.  He felt like a goober but he was way out of his element here.

��You’re really good, you know,” Y/N told Dean, her voice startling him.

“Huh?” Dean replied, eloquent as always.

“Wrestling,” she clarified, “you’re really good.  Your old school must have been sad to see you leave.”

“Oh, um, thanks,” Dean mumbled.  “I actually haven’t ever done it before, not officially.  I’m just a fast learner, I guess.”

Y/N nodded as she got the microscope ready for the experiment.  “Dad said you hadn’t wrestled before.  Can you pass me that slide?” she asked, indicating a delicate piece of glass that Dean carefully passed to her.  “I didn’t believe him,” she shared as she adjusted the focus on the microscope.

She looked up at Dean and indicated that he should look through the lens.  “The first meet is this weekend.  You gonna be there?” he asked as nonchalantly as he could.  Dean really wanted her to say yes.

Y/N sighed and Dean looked up at her.  “I don’t usually go to the meets but there’s a new guy on the team this year who’s making me rethink that,” she shared.

Dean’s brow furrowed as he tried to figure out who she might be talking about.  As far as he knew, he was the only new person on the team… oh… OH… Play it cool, Winchester, he thought to himself.  “You know, coach always says I do a better job during the second half of practices.  It would be a shame if my good luck charm didn’t make it to the meets.”  Dean was impressed with himself.  He thought his words were smooth and the complement wasn’t overkill.

And, yet, when he looked up from the microscope, Y/N did not look impressed.

“I am a woman, Dean Winchester, not some tacky, neon, rabbits foot keychain,” she declared.  

Y/N had a defiant but amused glint in her eye and Dean was pretty sure that he hadn’t actually offended her.  However he apologized with a simple “yes, ma’am,” and made a mental note not to try a line like that on Y/N in the future.  

Dean returned his eyes to the microscope.  “So, um, we’re looking at… some kind of cell?” he guessed, trying to keep calm and recall what the teacher had said about this particular lab.

“Impressive, Winchester,” Y/N joked, doing her best to keep a straight face and hold in her laughter.  

----

That Saturday afternoon, Dean was in the gym with the team.  They were all doing well that night, winning three of the first four matches before it was Dean’s turn to wrestle.  He managed to pin his opponent early during the second round of their bout, winning the match and gaining even more points for his team.  Dean scanned the crowd as the referee held his arm aloft, declaring him the winner.  His eyes landed on Sonny and some of the other boys from the farm who had come to cheer him on and his smile grew but they weren’t the ones he was looking for.  

From one corner of the gym he heard a familiar voice shout, “Impressive, Winchester!”  It had become a running joke between him and Y/N ever since the first lab they had worked on together.

Dean felt the muscles in his cheeks start to burn with the force of his smile.  Y/N was here, just like she said she would be, and she liked what she had seen.

----

Each weekend, Y/N would come to the wrestling meets and watch Dean.  They had remained lab partners in biology class and Dean had noticed his science grade improving.  He and Y/N would also spend time together outside of school stuff, too. ��Those were some of Dean’s favorite times.  On this particular Sunday, Dean had taken her to a movie and Y/N had spent most of the afternoon with her head buried in his shoulder and her hands clasping one of his.

“That wasn’t even all that scary!” Dean laughed and teased her as they exited the theater.

“Are you kidding me?” Y/N squealed.  “That was terrifying! I’m not going to sleep for a week!”

“If it’s really that bad, I’ll come help you get to sleep,” Dean offered.  He hadn’t meant anything by it but the mood shifted drastically and the pair looked at one another, the tension between them growing.

Y/N broke first and took a step back, rummaging in her bag.  “So, um, I’m not going to be at the meet this weekend,” she told /Dean as she pulled a small package from her purse.  “It’s Pam’s birthday party on Friday night.”

Dean nodded.  He’d met Pam a few times when he’d hung out with Y/N and her friends.  He liked Pam; she was nice and seemed really genuine.  “Oh, that’s cool,” Dean replied, “happy birthday, Pam.”  He indicated the wrapped package with a smile.  

“Well, actually, this is for you,” Y/N told Dean, “since I won’t be there.”  She held the small parcel out and smiled as he took it from her.

Dean unwrapped the paper and threw his head back in laughter.  The package contained a lucky rabbit’s foot keychain in the bright, neon versions of their school’s colors.

“Since I can’t come, I thought you might need a good luck charm,” Y/N told him.  Her voice sounded shy but she was trying to hide it underneath insincere sarcasm.

“This is one of the best gifts I’ve ever gotten,” Dean told her.  It was true; he hadn’t received a whole lot of gifts throughout his life but this silly little thing ranked right up there with the pendant Sam had given him a few Christmases ago.

“Don’t tease,” Y/N laughed, playfully pushing Dean’s shoulder.

Dean slung an arm around Y/N, “I’m not, sweetheart,” he assured her and he pressed a kiss to her cheek.  It was new territory for them but he decided to take a chance.  When Y/N didn’t pull away but, instead, laid her head on his shoulder, Dean knew it had been a good idea.

Too soon for Dean’s liking, Y/N’s dad was pulling up to the curb and their afternoon was at an end.  They didn’t have much time to talk in class between lectures, a review, and a test, and, all too soon, the weekend was upon them.

As they picked up their bags, Dean bumped Y/N with his hip.  He grabbed the rabbit’s foot that was now hanging from his bag and poked her with it.  “I think I’m ready for tonight now that I’ve got this,” Dean commented.  “Have fun at Pam’s; wish her happy birthday for me.”

“I will,” Y/N promised.  Then, she bit her lip like she was making a tough decision.  Before Dean could ask her about it, she leaned forward on her toes and gave him a peck on the cheek.  “Kick some Spartan ass, tonight.”  With those parting words, she turned and made her way out of the classroom and towards the school’s exit.

Dean, on the other hand, went in the direction of the gym.  He didn’t need to be there for another hour but there were only so many things Sonny could do at once so it was just easier for all involved if he hung out at the school.  A few of the other guys would hang around, too, and they’d each prepare for the match in their own way.  Dean liked to put on a pair of headphones and pop in his Metallica cassette.  The music calmed him and helped him get in the zone.  This afternoon, he pulled the rabbit’s foot off of his bag and rubbed his thumb over it.  He knew it wasn’t actually lucky - things like that didn’t really exist - but it was from Y/N and he found the repetitive motion to be comforting.

Soon enough, it was time to weigh in.  Dean made weight, got into his uniform, and began his final preparations for the match.  He would be wrestling first that evening so he wouldn’t have the privilege of watching a few rounds to get himself fired up.  

Dean wasn’t projected to win this match.  He was going up against a boy who had won the previous two state championships in their weight class.  Dean had a wealth of natural talent and had picked up the technical and the physical aspects of the sport quickly but this kid had been at it much longer and knew the little tricks that Dean was still learning.  Dean made a good showing, taking the reigning champ into the overtime rounds but, in the end, he was on the losing side for the first time all season.  Dean didn’t like the feeling of defeat - he never had - in his life, losing so often meant death.

Dean climbed off the mat with a scowl on his face, begrudgingly shook hands with the opposing team’s coach, and took his seat with the team.  The other boys from the team congratulated him on a well fought match but Dean brushed them off, his eyes focused on the mat and his brain running in circles around what he should have done differently while he prepared himself for the verbal lashing that would surely be coming.  The rest of the match crawled by as Dean watched it through unseeing eyes.  He was the last one to enter the locker room following the match.

“Winchester!” His coach shouted into the throng of boys, “My office!”

Dean wasn’t surprised.  He’d lost and, because of it, the opposing team was celebrating their victory in the visitors locker room.  Dean entered the coach’s office with his eye cast downward, bracing himself for the shouting and derision that always followed one of his messups.

“You did good out there, Winchester,” Coach began.

His brain on autopilot, Dean replied, “I’m sorry, sir.  I’ll do better next time.”

The coach paused and really took in Dean’s appearance.  His shoulders were hunched, his head was down, eye gazing at the floor.  Dean’s hands were fidgeting, going between picking at the leg of his uniform or wringing together.  He looked like he was preparing to be shouted at, at the very least.  What has this kid gone through to be reacting like this? The coach wondered.

“Look at me kid,” Coach commanded and he waited until Dean complied.  “I don’t know what’s going on in that brain of yours but you need to get out of your head.  You did a damn good job out there on the mat.  That was one of the best wrestlers in the state and you took him into extra rounds.”

“Yeah, and then I lost,” Dean responded sardonically.

“Dean, after all of two months of wrestling, you pushed a kid who’s been competing since he was 12 farther than anyone has in at least a year and a half,” Coach reminded him.  “You’ve got a lot of potential, Dean. You’re even in the running to be named team captain next year but not if this is how you handle losing.  We’ll work on it.  Three of our other guys lost their matches, too, this team wasn’t riding on your shoulders.  You hear me?”

Dean nodded.  He didn’t know how to respond and nodding felt safe.

“I’m serious, Dean.  We’re gonna work on this.  Especially since I just got word this afternoon: you qualified for states.”

States.  Dean knew he’d been doing well but he never imagined that the state tournament was in his reach.  Whenever the other guys had talked about it, he’d grunt noncommittally but he didn’t know enough about how the sport worked to think he’d have a shot.  “Who else is going?” Dean asked.  A few of the boys were hoping they’d be invited.  

“Ryan and McClaren were invited, too,” Coach shared.  “Do me a favor, tell them to stop in and see me before they leave.  Then hit the showers.”

“Yes, sir,” Dean replied with a quick nod.

----

The next month flew by.  Dean and Y/N saw each other in class and she made it to the rest of the team’s meets following Pam’s birthday party.  Between school work, his responsibilities on the farm, and increased wrestling practices in preparations for states, he didn’t see Y/N too much outside of class.  Luckily, they had done a few labs in biology and there had been a group project for which they had paired up in english class so their relationship - Dean wasn’t sure how to define it beyond that - continued to grow.  

While Dean won all of his matches after they had wrestled the Spartans, the team ended up losing two of their next three meets.  Just like his coach had promised, he talked with Dean after each loss, helping him to process, reminding Dean that it was a school wrestling match, not a life or death situation.  Coach was also working with him on some of the smaller, more subtle aspects of the sport as Dean and the two other boys, Doug Ryan and Andrew McClaren, were preparing for the state tournament.  The three would stay later after school and even come in on weekends for extra practices.  Coach would send them home with videos of their own performances and he was able to find a few video clips of the reigning champ in his weight class.  

Dean watched the videos with a hunter’s eye, looking for weaknesses in the other boy’s form and approach.  At first it looked like he might not have any but, eventually, Dean spotted it.  He had a habit of dipping his head before going in for a takedown.  It wasn’t much but that knowledge could be the difference between finding himself on the offensive or the defensive side of the match.  Dean pointed the habit out to his coach and they started focusing some of their attention on how he could dodge and take advantage of the initial attack.  

Finally, the weekend of the state tournament had arrived.  It was a three day event held in the state capitol and Coach had offered to drive the boys.  Dean and his teammates hopped into their coach’s mini van and were surprised to find Y/N already situated in the last row of seats.  Dean climbed in next to her while the two other boys took the row ahead of them.  Their assistant coach was riding shotgun and doing the navigation.  

Doug and Andrew were content to continue talking strategy with one another for most of the ride to the tournament.  Dean and Y/N, however, used the time to really catch up with each other’s lives.  They hadn’t had much time to see one another outside of class and Y/N had a terrible habit of keeping them on task when they were doing their school work.  They talked, joked, and laughed all the way to the hotel.  It was about a two hour ride and the pair had barely stopped to breathe.  Dean had never felt so free with anyone besides his little brother, before.  

The group arrived at the hotel where they would be staying, Holiday Inn the sign proclaimed, and walked into the lobby.  Dean was in awe of the cheery space, he’d never seen a hotel desk in a room like this.  There were couches and a few televisions and even an attached room with tables and chairs that looked like it was big enough for 30-40 people to eat in it.  

Coach checked them into their rooms and then directed them towards the elevators.  Dean had never stayed in a place where the room doors didn’t open out directly to the parking lot and he took in the brightly colored carpeting on the floor and art on the walls as they made their way to their rooms.  Coach handed each of the boys a key once they reached room 311.  

“I don’t have to remind you boys that you are here representing our school.  You all need to be on your best behavior,” he told them.  “Coach Wick and I are staying right next door if you need anything.”  Coach then turned to Y/N and handed her a key, “you’re across the hall, princess.”

Dean followed the other boys into the room they’d be sharing for the weekend and he was taken aback by what he saw when he entered. The carpet felt plush under his shoes and the pillows on the beds were full and inviting.  Despite growing up on the road, Dean had never stayed at a place this nice.  He put his bag down and took in the bright, clean space.  The blankets on the bed weren’t old and threadbare and the television looked like it would work.  Dean meandered into the bathroom where he was shocked to find that it didn’t smell musty and the shower curtain wasn’t sporting any growth.

Once everyone was settled, they went to the school that was hosting the tournament.  Y/N found a seat in the stands and Dean imagined her pulling out a book while he prepared to weigh in.  He made weight, as did Doug and Andrew, and the trio began their final preparations for the day.  They were all scheduled to wrestle twice throughout the day and it was timed out so that Dean would be able to see his friends each wrestle once.  

Andrew was the first to wrestle for the day and the boys watched and cheered him on from the side of the mat.  He pinned his opponent early in the third round, claiming the win.  Dean had to prepare for his first match so he couldn’t watch Doug wrestle but just before Dean stepped onto the mat, Doug and Andrew made it over to watch and flashed him a thumbs up.  The atmosphere of the tournament had Dean pumped up and knowing that both of his friends had gotten off to a good start had him riding high as he entered his own match. 

Dean took his position across from his opponent and the referee gave them the signal to start.  Dean was able to score a good amount of points in the first round but neither of the wrestlers pinned the other.  Midway through the second round, however, Dean gained the upper hand and ended the match, pressing the other boy’s shoulders into the mat.  Dean was glad to have won the match, getting the first win took a weight off of his shoulders that he hadn’t realized he’d been carrying.  When he made it back to his seat and fished his water bottle from his bag, Dean noticed there was a slip of paper with Y/N’s handwriting on it.  He smiled down at the words from Y/N, “Impressive, Winchester.”  Dean didn’t know how she’d managed to get that into his bag but he was glad she had.

Dean’s next match was scheduled for late that afternoon.  He did his best to keep his muscles warm and loose throughout the day.  Dean missed Andrew’s second match in order to stretch and get his blood pumping before his final match of the day.  He took to the mat and prepared to wrestle.  Dean really wanted to go into the second day of the tournament with two wins under his belt.  A loss wouldn’t kill his chances - it was a double elimination tournament - but the more wins he could accumulate, the better position he’d be in as the days went on.

Dean knew that his opponent had lost his earlier match and realized early on that he was stuck in his head.  Dean was able to use that to his advantage, pinning the other boy by the end of the first round and claiming victory.  He left the mat and grabbed a drink of water before making his way across the gym to where Doug was preparing to wrestle.  

The day ended with Dean in a great position.  Doug had also won both of his matches and Andrew had one win and one loss to his name.  The whole group met for dinner and Y/N broke down Dean’s matches with him, talking strategy for the next day while each of the coaches had similar conversations with the other boys.  

They returned to the hotel and Y/N and the boys opted to watch a movie.  Y/N joined them in their room and sat with Dean on one of the beds, leaning back against the headboard and resting her head on his shoulder.  Before the movie was even halfway over, Y/N was asleep and Dean shifted to wrap an arm around her in order to give her some extra support.  

When the movie ended, Dean tried to gently wake Y/N but instead of waking up, she burrowed deeper into his side.  

“Hey, Y/N,” Dean tried, “you gotta wake up.  Come on, sweetheart.”  He lightly shook her and, finally, she opened her eyes groggily.  Once Y/N realized where she was, she jumped up.

“Shit.  My dad is going to kill me for sleeping in here…” she began but Dean interrupted.

“It’s ok, Y/N.  It’s only about 11:00,” he comforted her.  “You fell asleep during the movie and it just ended.  No broken rules, here.”  Dean winked at Y/N and she smiled back, clearly relieved.  Dean walked her to the door, knowing that Doug and Andrew were going to tease him once Y/N was gone.

The next day at the tournament went similarly to the first.  Andrew had lost his second match the prior day so when he lost his opening match, he was eliminated from the competition.  Doug won one and lost another and, though one of the matches was much closer than either the day before, Dean won both of his events.  Dean was headed to the semifinals the next morning.  

The next day, Dean forced himself to eat some breakfast.  He had faced down vampires, ghosts, and all manners of other creatures and, yet, he was incredibly nervous about what was ahead of him today.  

The morning went by smoothly.  Dean won his semifinal match and was moving onto the finals.  His opponent was also undefeated throughout the tournament and he was someone who Dean had become quite familiar with over the past few weeks.  Dean was wrestling against the boy who had beaten him earlier in the season, the only match he had lost all year.  He knew that if he stayed out of his head, he had a shot at beating this guy; Dean had studied him and his habits and he was ready.

The match began and Dean and the other boy approached one another, each waiting for the other to make the first move.  Dean won the standoff and his opponent moved in, trying to take Dean down to the mat.  Dean was ready for him, though, and he was able to end up on the offensive side of the attack and rack up a few points.  

The round ended and the boys reset themselves for the second round of their bout.  Both wrestlers scored points in the second round and it appeared to all that they were rather evenly matched.  As they prepared themselves for the third round, Dean was starting to doubt the intel he had gathered from watching the other boy’s videos.  However, when the match began his opponent went straight for the takedown, hoping to pin Dean to the mat.  Just as he began to advance, he dipped his head and Dean took advantage of his blindspot, putting the boy on the defensive and bringing him down to the mat.  The boy arched his back to avoid getting pinned but Dean maneuvered his own legs to get in the way and force his shoulder blades against the ground.

Time seemed to move so slowly as the referee counted the pin but, suddenly, the shouting of the crowd around him broke through the haze as Dean was standing and offering a hand to help hoist the other boy off of the mat while the ref went to the scoring table to confirm the pin before returning to where the two wrestlers stood taking one of their hands in each of his.

As the referee hoisted his arm in the air, Dean could see the look of pride on his coach’s face and the grin that Y/N was sporting as she stood beside her father.  The crowd in the gym was too big to find him but Dean could hear Sonny’s cheers rising above the rest of the noise.  Dean hopped off of the mat and shook the opposing coach’s hand before shaking hands with his own coach and wrapping Y/N in a hug.

After he released her, Y/N grabbed his face and pulled Dean in, kissing him fully for the first time.  “Impressive, Winchester.”

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