#and like. I was my dad's carer and (somehow) did all that stuff until he died so I will definitely be okay with the cats but.. idk the vet

[running-in-the-dark]

I have a really stupid question for anyone who has/has had pets - when you take them to the vet, do you have to see like.. any of the medical stuff that they do? if yes, how bad is it?

I can't believe I only just thought of this, it's kind of important 😬 (I kinda.. faint when I see injuries/wounds/whatever, or really stressful medical stuff... basically, if I see a person/animal/myself and think 'they're in a lot of pain' I faint (yes, the only times I fainted because of myself, I wasn't in any pain at the time, I just thought 'fuck this should hurt'))

[firespirited]

I've been sick with some sort of fluey thing that sets off migraines all week. Did manage to meet the therapist: she's fantastic, no nonsense, up to date science, specializes in autism in women and trauma from interpersonal abuse. Unfortunately I'm going to need that therapist more than ever.

Mum had no intention of doing group therapy, has no interest in fixing our relationship, she's got this idea that it would somehow be taking sides even though she regularly has long whispered conversations with me about how to deal with a situation with sis. I also really upset her by describing dad as having cluster B personality disorders that made him cruel, she read the first sentence of my psych homework and decided she was out.

Because in her mind cruelty requires intent and dad was just being pre-emptively nasty because he'd had a paranoia where he felt we'd been mean. She's retconned him as bpd??? He didn't get paranoias until I was nearly 20. He wasn't borderline, he was a bully. It was calculated and calm not often spontaneous. He had just as many calm collected bouts of psychological violence as he did rages. And oh odd thing right? he never damaged a relationship with a man or employer even if he resented them privately. He never ever once implied he was suicidal to anyone else when that was his go to move. He had depressions and manias, he was rapid cycling. He also managed to keep the damage to his immediate family (except for that school incident) and constantly quitting jobs. There are times when the cluster B was the real issue and other times when he was just selfish and enjoyed his power over others. I know that's an awful thing to say but I've known a lot of cluster B folks who are trying to not break everything and I knew dad well: he blurred the lines between deliberate long term choices and his pathology. His hostility towards my and mum's existence as ill people was obvious to my doctor and every carer we had. My sister's cptsd is mostly from the damage he did with gossip and how she made herself compliant at home.

I can't say this to mum she's in rose tinted glasses mode about dad. The psych definitely noticed when she said some really weird hurtful stuff to me. I did get very serious that she was not to talk about dad around sis. To not even think about it because it could reset her entire recovery.

I have spent the past 25 days neck deep in bpd type cptsd symptoms, learning every trigger point and rebuilding a relationship with sis where she has no idea that I'm just not sharing secrets and fears. I'm still her rock. She's just not my anchor anymore. We're actually doing pretty well now. I can trace the intense anxieties back to last may when she brought a stray dog home and began obsessing about adopting a cat (she's allergic). I can perform the correct emotions on cue instead of relying on just words. Every time she loses trust I reassure and rebuild. She's been able to open up about what she couldn't stand about 'us' (it's not us, she needs a fully quiet space not just a bedroom in a busy flat) etc.

It's sad because every worst fear I outlined in the psych homework came true over the past few days. I have to hope it's some kind of stress phase. Maybe she's got the same flu thing as me and it's making her feel vulnerable and cranky.

There are very good odds she was super spooked at the idea of therapy, goodness knows she doesn't like talking about feelings. The idea that she might one day have to explain her wild family to someone else terrifies her.

Now that I know she's not ok, I need to keep my distance for a while and build myself up so I can handle sis' next crisis alone.

[cllynchauthor]

That post you made was a mess, just fyi. 1) I went through the thread you linked, and I found the authors reasonable and respectable. The playwriter's worked with people with disabilities for 10 years, and it's clear he cares about the issue. 2) The fact Lawrence is a puppy isn't automatically pejorative. That's how art works. I haven't seen the play, but it's probably a metaphor for the teen's lack of agency or something like that. Also writing something a certain way doesn't mean you -

“- approve of it. Have you even seen the play? 3) Please stop pretending anyone represents the autistic community and that you guys speak with one voice. It’s seriously dehumanizing to think a large and diverse group of people shares the same views. In that view there is an autistic man who loved the play - I guess his voice doesn’t count because he disagrees with you?”

--

I love this anon message because it contains pretty much every argument that people are using against the autistic folk protesting this play. 

Like, I’ve been watching #puppetgate unfold since day one, read the reviews, read the responses from @allinarowplay. You think I haven’t heard these points before?

I’ve read them so many times now in tweets and reviews that your message just looks like one of those ransom notes that are made from cut and pasted words out of the newspaper.

But since Tumblr is new to #puppetgate, SURE, let’s address them! 

First of all, my #puppetgate summary was a truthful, if flippant, tl;dr of the past two weeks’ worth of Twitter drama. 

I apologize if my brief humorous take on a complex and nuanced debate didn’t meet the standards of a random stranger on the internet. 

Let’s discuss it in more serious detail.

1) You can care about an issue and still handle it really poorly. No one doubts this playwright’s intentions. But, as you say, he was a CARER for 10 years. That doesn’t mean he understands how it feels to be autistic and in fact, ableism is built right into ABA and other therapies used by carers. 

So yeah, he cares. And he still made an ableist play.

Also, the thread you mention was BELOW the video I linked to wherein the puppet designer says, and I quote:

“Laurence is non-verbal, and the power that puppets have is that they explore movement and with a turn of their head or a small movement they give life and character that you wouldn’t achieve with a human actor.”

Which is why I snidely summarized their position as 

“ This puppet is going to be SO MUCH more like an autistic child than a human could ever be!”

https://twitter.com/allinarowplay/status/1092410318960148481

Also, there is a brief shot of their script in that video at 2:19 and if you pause it and look at it you can see that the parents are joking about how their kid is like a puppy.

“Shits wherever he wants” is clearly visible.

This is the stuff the positive reviews consider funny, honest, and brave.

According to reviews, the child is present in the background throughout most of the play. Which means they talk like this IN FRONT OF HIM and this is never brought up as an issue/problem. 

In fact, non-autistic reviewers don’t even seem bothered by it, probably because they share the common misperception that non-verbal high needs autistic people don’t understand what is going on around them. So…. yeah. I don’t care how well meaning the playwright was. 

The playwright consulted the National Autistic Society and they told him they couldn’t support the play “due to its portrayal of autism, particularly the use of a puppet to depict the autistic character alone.”

But he didn’t change his mind about the puppet.

https://www.msn.com/en-gb/news/uknews/critics-say-new-play-that-uses-a-puppet-to-portray-an-autistic-boy-dehumanises-those-with-the-condition/ar-BBTk5kC

So again - sure, maybe he cares. But he also wasn’t willing to change his vision despite the warnings of the Autism organization that he was hoping would endorse his play. 

2) Of course a puppet isn’t inherently pejorative. For one thing, the autistic community is very positive about Julia, the autistic muppet on Sesame Street.

The outrage involves a lot more nuance than that. First of all, it’s the choice to make the puppet grey and ugly. This was obviously an artistic decision. The first version of the puppet has black hair too and no eyes, just dark sockets like a skull. 

Not exactly Julia.  

And even with that, I was on the fence and willing to wait for the reviews to come out before I made a judgement. 

Like you, I thought perhaps it would be made clear in the play that his puppet-ness and greyness represented lack of agency. And maybe the designer was thinking that way. 

But if that is the case, it does not come across. 

In fact, the reviewers who enjoyed the play repeatedly dismiss the controversy by saying that the play “isn’t really about Laurence.” 

https://www.timeout.com/london/theatre/all-in-a-row-review

“The production is also about the situation, rather than about Laurence himself.“

https://www.thereviewshub.com/all-in-a-row-southwark-playhouse-london/

“sadly the grey-faced puppet adds nothing to the production that a living actor – adult or child – could not have provided.”

I’ve read a LOT of reviews of this play by now. 

Reviews from mothers of autistic children who feel a kinship with the stressed, unhappy, dysfunctional parents. 

Reviews from people without a connection to autism who feel like they learned something. 

Reviews from autistic people and disabled allies who cringe at the ableism. 

None of them - NONE of them - allude to any kind of symbolism or thematic point running through the play which justifies or explains the puppet or its weird appearance.

And the reasons for the puppet given by the playwright, director, and playhouse make very little sense. 

In that promotional video I linked to they say that the puppet can communicate better than an actor could. I disagree. So does a non-verbal autistic mime who commented in the thread below. 

They also say that it allows them to avoid being offensive or stereotypical, which makes little sense because they still had a grown man grunting and flapping on stage, just with a puppet sprouting from his waist. 

They repeatedly argued that they couldn’t use an autistic child, as if acting wasn’t even a thing. They repeatedly argued that a human actor couldn’t do the sounds and movements, even though a human puppeteer was doing just that.

My favourite one was the review (linked above) that argued that “Laurence isn’t a character a person could play (neurotypical or not) as his autism is so particular and at times violent.”

...Has this guy never seen Titus Andronicus? 

A person can play ANYTHING.

On Broadway I have seen human actors play cats, lions, baboons, and witches. 

On multiple occasions a fine-boned actress has been used to play Peter Pan. I’m pretty sure you could cast a small actor to play a pre-teen boy. Then the play wouldn’t have attracted so much negative attention.

As for “writing something a certain way doesn’t mean you approve of it.”

True. 

My fans can tell you that my main character spouts a fair amount of ableism. They’ll also tell you that this flaw is addressed openly and resolved as part of her character arc. 

They’ll ALSO also tell you that the “villains” of my story embrace ableist ideals. So yes, I wrote ableist stuff. But you can tell by the waythese things are framed how the writer wants you to feel about them.

No, I haven’t seen the play because I don’t live in the same country as it and it would take 12 hours to fly there. But I read what people write about it and I draw my own conclusions.

And the fact that ableist jokes are punchlines does not endear me to the playwright or the puppet. 

You say you haven’t read the play, and from the sounds of it you haven’t read many reviews either. 

If you think it’s wrong for me to criticize it after watching all of this unfold over days and days, and reading a dozen reviews by people who loved it and people who hated it, then how is it right for you to defend it?

3) Aw, look at that straw man lying on its side! You did a good job there.

Nowhere in my puppetgate summary do I claim that 100% of autistic people feel the same way.

I was summarizing what has been going down on Twitter over the past two weeks. I know because I was there. Don’t believe me? Actually spendsome time on the puppetgate hashtag and the actuallyautistic hashtag and see what people are saying.

And of course less than 100% of #actuallyautistic people feel the same, but I want to point out that at the time of this writing, my #puppetgate summary post has nearly 11K notes, all of them expressing disgust at the idea of this play.

Autistic people are disgusted. Autism allies are disgusted. Even people with no connection to autism can often see why this is effed up.

Yours was the only message I have received trying to defend the idea of a play featuring a messed up family arguing, discussing bukkake, calling their child a “puppy” using language which results in the play being rated as 16 plus... all in front of their eleven year old…

But what really bothers me is that somehow people come out of there identifying with the parents and thinking that it is “brave” and “honest.” 

They blame autism for what it has done to this family.

THE DAD SHAT ON HIS WIFE’S PILLOW AND BLAMED IT ON HIS OWN SON.

And the really sad thing is that your lonely messages in my inbox didn’t contain a single unique thought. I’ve been seeing those tired excuses and straw man arguments all over twitter for weeks.

They don’t stand up.

I’ve performed in theatre. I was willing to withhold judgement until more details about the play emerged. 

I was hoping they would say something brilliant and profound about what life is like for an eleven year old child with autism who is being sent away because his messed up family can’t stand it any more.

But facts are facts… they didn’t.

All they are doing is telling audience after audience that it is funny to insult your autistic child in his very presence and that autism wrecks marriages.

You can understand why a LOT of autistic people would be a bit sensitive about that kind of message.

It doesn’t have to be everyone. 

[littlebittybunnyears]

(non-discourse) The best way I can explain age-regression vs other groups (or some of them? idk)

I’m a system Little. I’m genuinely a child with a slightly bigger worldly-knowledge, but my headfamily normally keeps that separated from me so I don’t get too stressed out. This means I also have other members, all much older than me, that control the body as well and can feel comfortable in a relationship and adult stuff like handling insurance talks and stuff like that xD

Here’s where I’m getting to with this... When my Nee spends time with her gf (another system who lives with us), they can kiss and be romantic or anything they want. It doesn’t bother me, because I’m not connected to them in that way and I’m not in control at all when it happens. I sense none of it. That system in Nee’s gf houses my Dada. He adopted me as his “daughter” several, several years ago when I was all alone, YEARS before Nee started dating her overall (they’re a male and female system, like us). They’re dating and can do all that stuff, but as soon as I’m in control, all of that changes. Summer and /I/ aren’t dating. We’re completely separate in that way. Summer would never touch me or kiss me in that way, any of them. Ever. When we sleep in bed next to each other, Summer will hold me from behind and pet my head to help me sleep, but won’ do so like a lover would. The touching isn’t adult in any way or form. My dada will hold me in his lap when I’m sick or anxious, because he’s my caretaker. He doesn’t do so and show physical attraction to me at all when I’m in control, because we both know /I’m a child/. It’s automatic. I’m not in a romantic relationship, because I am a real child and a form of age-regression for the overall mind. I just didn’t know it until recently. Dada (his name is Omega) is not my “daddy” in a sense that some community's daddy’s are. He’s not my partner and Summer is only my best friend, they’re not romantically engaged with me. Only most of my older systemmates. Do we kiss on the mouth? Sure! In pecks, like parents do. Do we lay down and cuddle? Sure! Because I often try to not be self conscious about having a body much bigger than my own, so if I’m laying down and I’m in control, I often curl up to feel less tall and he comforts me, telling me that I’m a real kid no matter what I look like and helps me with my chronic pains and ailments. He doesn’t hold me in the sense that he would Nee or anyone else. He is my /real/ caretaker. It’s his actual job. He gets my medicine, my food when I can’t, and helps me rest when I’m not doing so great. It’s the original reason we were going to live together, only after my whole system was out of a damaging relationship did Nee and them decided to take their best-friendship forward. Even now, it’s honestly not that different at all. They’re very casual in pretty much everything they do. It’s just their nature.

I know this is long and winded, but... I see a lot of people say the “dd/l/g”/whatever names are going around now community is the same as age-regression and... This is me trying to explain how we’re at least different in this aspect. Probably poorly. I’m not looking for a Daddy or carer in the same way. It’s a very hard line to explain, but the difference is there all the same. I’m a child. I’m not interested in any of those things, even the SFW and platonic mindset. It’s different when it’s deeper than just that. You’re really a kid. You like kid things and nothing past it romantically or platonically. You’re just... Comprehending things as a child does, be it to cope or fight illness or anything at all, but it’s genuine. I used to be in the Amino Littlespace/etc communities and while I liked most of the people there, I always felt I couldn’t relate to their wanting of mommy’s and daddy’s, because, somehow, it just didn’t feel the same... And now, being in a different group that are like myself, I now know why. My dada isn’t a daddy in the same way, not even speaking in the romantic way. He’s my real dad when no one else was... I was all alone, a real child, by myself for a long time, an orphan, and he saved me. He said yes once we were close after a year to be called my “dad” rather than “Omega” and we’ve spent nearly every single day together for 5 years since then. It’s no different now. It’s just not the same as some of the other communities. It’s not really something I can fully explain until you experience the change from littlespace/etc to age-regression communities like Teenietots. That’s just the only way I can describe it. It’s so small, yet also life-changing once you experience it and realize how it’s different from your own perspective. I’m not really sure at this point if it can be understood any other way, but it’s real.

I apologize this is a random ramble and it’s not meant to cause any discourse. I don’t dislike any community, but I just see the question a lot and this is a kinda vague answer I can give. Others may not understand while some do. ... As little as that probably makes sense anyway ^^”

Thanks for reading this ramble!

- Little (age 6)

[canaryatlaw]

Well, today was....interesting. Not the greatest, but okay. If you were on this morning you know that predictably when my alarm went off at 7:30 I was like hahaha no even though I was trying really hard to tell myself to get up I just can't fight some things, and now I'm not sure if it would've been better if I did or not, but oh well. Alarm went off again at 9, and this time I did get up and get ready for church, bus to train and got there right on time. I was signed up for the nursery for the 11 o clock service, and I knew I was the only person signed up at this point so it was going to be interesting to say the least. They're good with not leaving people alone though (I'm usually the person insuring someone else isn't alone, which is what happened for the 12:30 service) so one of the other girls who's over the babies program (somewhere higher up than me) came as well and it was fine. Unfortunately, sometimes when you have a lot of babies, some of whom are not very happy about being separated from their parents, every so often you're just gonna have a really rotten day when they won't stop crying and you want to scream. This has happened plenty of times before and while it's really annoying I can handle it, except today it was two services in a row and by the end I was not happy, lol. In the 11 there were two babies we had to call the parents of, the first we really tried to get to stop but he was just crying from the start and refused to give in, and the second being this really adorable 7 month old that's been in before but hasn't made it through successfully yet, and she was crying at first after her dad left but then I got her to stop and she was just chilling and being happy and was so cute, then out of nowhere she starts crying again, and it's like the baby shrieking their heads off and turning red and the really bad crying. We couldn't get her to stop, so we had to call her mom too. The others were mostly ok, a few small incidents but they were managed. For the 12:30 I knew there was still one person signed up, and was prepared to stay if I had to but I also knew sometimes people randomly show up so I might not have to, but nobody did so I had too lol. Unfortunately the tv we have in the room with the feed to the service was down this week, so I didn't get to see any of the service at all which made me sad, I would've liked to have gone (which is why I should've woken up earlier). So the 12:30 starts, again we have a baby right from the start that is just not having it at all, and we try for like a solid 20-30 minutes to try and get him to stop but he is like baby laser focused on getting out of here and refused to do anything but scream and crawl to the gate, so that was kind of inevitable. Then there was this 4 month that was again fine at first for a good amount of time, and then lost it out of nowhere and I couldn't get her to stop, then the other girl (the one from the first service who was running in and out between classes) got her to stop by rocking her and singing softly, then she hands her back to me and she starts crying again, which really irritates me because I always feel like a crappy child carer when someone else gets a kid to stop crying when I couldn't. But she's not having it, until on a whim I put her down in the crib in the corner of the room and she kind of hesitatingly stops crying but then looks like she's going to cry again but I just stroke her belly and start singing to her softly and she stops and just lays there, and that happens multiple more times and at this point at least I felt good about my ability to keep her from crying, lol. The singing though became interesting, because at first the only Christian kids song I could think of was "Jesus loves me" (I didn't have to only sing Christian songs, but I thought it'd be nice) but I didn't want to just sing that on repeat forever so I'm like wracking my brain trying to think of songs from my childhood, and I remember one with a ton of different verses, the first of which is like "I've got the joy joy joy joy down in my heart" and the last is "I've got the wonderful love of my blessed redeemer way down in the depths of my heart" and they're both sung in the same timing, lol. I vaguely recall there being a song about Zacchaeus and I'm trying to remember it (Zacchaues is from a short little story in the bible where there was this guy named Zacchaues and he's really short, and Jesus is coming through town and he wants to see him, so he climbs up a tree to see him and Jesus is like "dude, why are you in a tree? Come on, let's go party at your house" [no really that's basically what happens] and apparently someone decided that would be good material for a children's song) (this has been bible lessons with Rachel) and I'm like oh, it's like something something something and Zacchaues was his name-o! Then I was like no that's bingo you dumbass 😂 and I did eventually remember the song (which, if you're interested, goes "Zacchaues was a wee little man and wee little man was he") and so I rotate between the three and any others I can think of, and it works for a while.....until she just starts shrieking her head off again and is totally inconsolable and we had to call her mom too and I was like ready to bang my head against the wall because I felt so useless lol. Her mom did say she'd been like randomly crying all week and she was taking her to the doctor tomorrow though so that did make me feel a bit better). Then literally right as she leaves another one of the babies starts screaming when he was totally fine this whole time, and he's totally inconsolable and we have to call his mom, and at this point I REALLY wanted to bang my head against the wall repeatedly. At this point we had like, 2 babies left, one of whom had been sleeping in hid car seat this whole time and we're like praying he stays asleep and the other kid doesn't start crying (he did a bit, but it wasn't bad) and the little one wakes up like right as parents were coming, and he just lays there looking up at us like who the hell are you people, since it was his first time so he literally just woke up surrounded by people he's never seen before, but thankfully he just chilled and didn't cry, and his parents came like two minutes later. And yeah, that was my nursery. Needless to say I was exhausted by the end, and that kind of countered my thought that I should've woken up earlier to go to the service because I knew if I did that I would probably be REALLY exhausted by then). Train to bus and home, get some food and dive into my trial ad reading pretty immediately because they assigned like 200 pages or something ridiculous like that, I worked until about 8 and got like 125 pages done so that's a decent dent at least, and I have tomorrow to do the rest, the problems for that class, and hopefully my crim pro reading. Upon it turning 8 I retired for the night and turned on daredevil, which I finished the second season of again this time. It definitely made more sense being that I was paying much better attention this time around haha. There really are just so many great characters on that show though, like I love everything Karen, Foggy, and Claire says, and then I also love Electra because she's just so unbelievably badass I can't help but love her. The ending is of course sad, though with the very last scene being what it is I'm sure we haven't really seen the last of her, though who knows in what form she'll come back in (they may take some similar actions to DCTV there). The thing that makes me sad though is Matt like, essentially gives up on being a lawyer by the end of the season and 2016 WAS A REALLY BAD YEAR FOR MY LAWYER SUPERHEROES DAMMIT and I just have a lot of feelings because I'm on my way to being a lawyer and I love having superhero characters in my chosen profession, okay? Not that I've given up hope that Laurel is really coming back to us somehow, but still, 2016 was pretty shitty to them. Sigh. Other than that I did some other shit I needed to accomplish and little stuff like that until my computer died, being that my charger replacement won't arrive until tomorrow (I'm hoping I can borrow my roommate's for a bit tomorrow to get my assignments done, and if not there's always a notebook and a pen). So at least I was productive, even if my definition of productive means making it through all the tumblrs I check daily and putting like 25 captain canary fics into my "marked for later" because I've once again successfully cleaned out my inbox thanks to my recent reading them during transportation, so hopefully I can keep up with that. And yeah, that's about it. It's like 2:20 here already, and I'm glad I can sleep in tomorrow but I still think I should get to sleep now, so I'm going to do so. Goodnight loves. Sleep well.