#and like right when i verbally expressed lightheartedly how silly it was that i had a rule that wouldn't let me touch pickles to cheese

[my-mind-is-afk-rn]

I actually love self-treating my OCD. Like, I actually conciously think about myself and the things I do, and I say "I don't know why I do this, but it's making me upset", and then I figure out how I can stop doing it. Like, I'm actually so proud of myself for stopping building sandwiches in a particular order because one of my "rules" used to be "the pickles cannot touch the cheese", but I was like, "okay, one sandwich. I will make a sandwich without lettuce to go between them, because I do not have lettuce", and I made a sandwich where the pickles touched the cheese, and I was trying to back out the whole time, but I finished it, and it was fine, and I thought about every other time I ate a sandwich where the pickles touched the cheese, and I realized they were also fine, and it doesn't actually taste different or do bad things and it's just like any other sandwich, because it is just like any other sandwich. And sometimes I'm still like "but you can't put the pickles touching the cheese" and then I tell myself "yes I can, and I'll do it right now", and it's fine. And that's just one example, but like it's so cool how I'm just able to do this on my own without needing any external help. Maybe someday, I'll be able to be free from the invisible strings that plague my everyday life and dictate my every action. Not like puppet strings, I'm not making a metaphor, I mean the invisible strings that are attached to all objects and the back of my neck that I can't let get tangled by wrapping them around things or spinning in one direction too much or like, letting it get caught in doorways because I walked through the wrong one, or like... passing items through openings and then not passing them through the same opening on the way back, cause then the string will get caught and tangled and it'll... hurt me or something idk. That's the big one. The big rule. And it's the worst one. Oh yeah along with touching things, that's... also..