#and like i dont give a fuck about the 'love yourself

[thatwritterbeach]

So about that alley .9

Jason Todd x ofc Alex

Dc masterlist

Summary: Alex finds out her bf is red hood, after she spills some not so great secrets to the masked man while stitching him up.

Warnings: vaginismus, mentions of puke, angst duh, eating disorder, self harm, Jason 'forces' her to quit her job so he can better help her

A/N: I do not own dc boohoo. none edited this story is running away and i dont kniw what to do with it please send a dog catcher

"Baby, sweets," came his groggy voice from the bed before he registered what she was doing and he was behind her grabbing her hair.

The shame that overtook her when she woke up was enough to have her rushing to the bathroom to empty her stomach. Not only was she a freak for using the blade he'd given her, she was the freak who couldn't get off without her boyfriend putting on a mask. (never mind that she'd never had an hour of stimulation and over twenty minutes of a vibrator on her but in this state she couldn't think)

"Sorry, so not sexy," she said into the bowl. He laughed and handed her a washcloth for her mouth then used the hair tie from the sink to put her hair into the worst bun he'd ever seen. She brushed her teeth and pitched her toothbrush into the trash and turned to him with a light smile. He returned it lifting her up on the sink to wrap his arms around her.

"Feeling better?"

"Much."

"You getting sick or..."

"Would you be mad if I said it was nerves?"

"Nothing you do or say could make me mad. What's got you nervous?" His little head tilt cute enough to kill brain cells.

"You...I feel-I'm sorry, my head's not awake yet. Just awake enough for a panic induced pukey session," she mumbled rubbing her eyes with the heels of her hands.

"Pukey?"

"I don't like the word *vomit*," she explained on a whisper. He nodded like it made all the sense in the world and filed that info away for later.

"Well do you want to go home and take a bathey?"

She snorted at his word choice and thunked her head into his chest, his arms coming up to wrap around her tighter.

"Yes I would love a bathey," she said into his bare chest. He gently eased her head up so he could spin around and offer her a piggy back ride.

"I'm too heavy-"

"Bullshit," he growled spinning faster than she could blink and caging her in," you're the most beautiful fucking thing on this planet and I won't let you think anything less if it's the last thing I do," he stated using a touch too much force to hold her jaw and force eye contact. He could feel her jaw tick like she was about to give him an ear full for the man handling but she surprised him by melting into the touch and closing her eyes.

"That was hot," she laughed at herself. His grip slackened and slid to her throat but she shook her head. "Not into that, big boy, sorry." His hand jerked back like she'd burned him and he held her waist instead.

"Sorry-"

"Dude, chill, this is how we learn, by talking. If I do something you don't like, tell me. I'm cool with the jaw, just no throat. Really I meant you getting all fired up about my self-esteem, that was hot."

It didn't take long to pack up and head out, making it back to her apartment. Jason ran her a bath with bubbles and candles and set up a small single step stool for himself to sit on. She eased into the hot water with a one piece swim suit on and he sat on his little stool and opening a book.

(good heavens where should this thing go??)

"You still need to show me your blade," he said with forced ease.

"Jason."

"Yes, love?"

"If I tell you something you have to promise not to beat yourself up over it."

"I promise." With his fingers crossed behind his back

"I've been using the knife you gave me. Not intentionally, it's just such a good knife, and-"

"The pocket knife with the replaceable razor blades?"

"Yes, but I'm careful-"

"Alex, what the fuck! Those are sharp as hell, you could, fucking shit, you could hit bone without much force. Shit babe." The first sentence was nearly yelled but the rest was a forced average tone and she sank into the water on instinct when he stood up and towered over her.

"I'm sorry," she whimpered closing her eyes. He tossed his book aside and scrubbed his hands over his face and through his hair multiple times muttering fuck fuck fuck again and again.

"One slip up and-fuck you could..." Her eyes were watering but she wasn't going to let herself cry.

"Jay, I'm sorry, I'll give it back-"

"You're on 24 hour watch. You're quitting your job and we are going to Bludhaven to stay with Dick. He can watch you when I'm out and we'll switch."

"Jason-"

"No, this is not up for debate. I let you go hoping you would come to me, and I know addiction is shit and is hard and I didn't want you to feel forced but dammit I won't fucking lose you over this. When is the lease up on this place?"

"Umm, next month," she whispered.

"Good, don't re-sign. I'll find us a place when you're better. Quit your job, no two weeks, I'll get you a better one."

"Jason Peter Todd, if you think for one damn second-"

"It's my job to take care of you. You are not going to be freeloading, you don't need to make money, I have more than enough and you damn well know it. I won't tell the feminists club." He sat back down and reached to grab both her hands in his.

"You haven't even asked Dick. How will he and Kory feel-"

"They aren't together right now, he'll be stoked to have you, scouts honor," he said using one of his hands to make the star trek 3 finger sign.

"You stole tires? How is that very scouty?"

"I never said boy scouts, baby I was in Gotham scouts, street addition."

"You're lucky I love you cuz your jokes are crap." He was about to say something when is phone rang and 'dickhead' lit up the screen.

"Yello," he said into the phone.

"Jay, any chance Red can stop and help a guy out, got this huge bust?"

"What a coinkydink, I was just about to call you. I'll be right back, babe," he said to her and left the room. She couldn't hear him so the bastard must have gone out to the hallway.

"What's up," Dick asked.

"Alex isn't doing too well. I know you're still pissed about the alley-"

"Dude, so last season, old news."

"Didn't realize I was talking to a chick, could you put my brother back on the phone?"

"So Alex..."

"Anyway, I can't watch her close enough, and she's not being careful when she hurts herself-"

"What the fuck man, you're still letting her do that. Why does she even have anything sharp?"

"I didn't want her to feel forced into anything, she's an adult she would just go buy more. I was hoping the show of trust would help bring her out of her shell and at least tell me after she does it. She's using the knife I gave her, those interchangeable razor blade ones-"

"Shit, the one you cut that guy down to the bone with?"

"Yeah, obviously I gave it to her way before I knew what she was doing."

"So what do you need from me?"

"A spare bedroom, I don't know how long, but I'll help with your bust and-"

"As long as she needs."

"Dick?"

"Yeah, Jaybird?"

"I love you, you're a good big brother, even though you missed my funeral," he added so the words didn't feel as heavy on his tongue.

"Dude, I didn't even know-wait a damn minute what did you just say?"

"Clean your ears old man I ain't sayin' in again."

"Love you too, little bird. Tell Alex I said thanks for teaching you nice words." Jason rolled his eyes and hung up to go check on Alex. She was out of the tub and in one of his t-shirts sitting on the edge of the bed picking at her cuticles.

"Hi."

"Hi, I uh, I figured you'd wanna ya know check my...wounds, so I didn't bother with clothes," she said to the floor.

"I told Dick I loved him and he was a good brother."

"You did," she said with pride, her eyes snapping to his.

"Yeah, he said thanks for teaching me nice words." she nodded with a soft smile but it didn't last long as she laid back on the bed and bunched the shirt up to just under her breasts. No makeup no bandages and her ribs were shredded.

"Oh, baby," he said crossing the room in a few long strides. He put one knee on the bed to lean over her and run his finger over the cuts.

"These almost needed stitches."

"I know," she responded, jaw ticking.

"I love you, love you, love you," he repeated kissing each mark.

9-17-24

[vbs-kaitos-big-naturals]

i think the main thing i hate about 'suicide units' in school health classes is how bad the advice is. like wtf??? no dont tell a persons parents theyre suicidal without the persons permission thats fucked up

instead of doing what school tells you, please follow these rules:

dont tell authority figures about someone's suicidal thoughts/sh unless you know theyre in active danger or they gave you permission. its a breach of privacy and trust, and it could put them in a bad spot if their parents are abusive.

please dont treat a suicidal person with pity/babying. its just plain demeaning. unless youre sure theyre okay with something else, treat them normally and just check in on them more.

and if YOURE suicidal, they dont even teach you how to deal with it or cope, they just give you 988/other hotline and send you on your way. its superficial care.

here are some ACTUAL tips if youre suicidal/struggling in anyway with mental illness:

if you cant do things the way youre supposed to, then cut corners. some is better than nothing.

the little things can make a difference. seeing your keychain always makes you feel a little better, so take that keychain everywhere. it wont fix everything, but a little bit of joy can go a long way.

find other people who are struggling like you. online spaces are a good start! however, if you feel like the environment is just making you feel negative and more depressed, you should leave to prevent further harm.

FIND THINGS YOU ENJOY. please. whether it be rhythm games, reading, drawing, hell, doing math equations, things that youre passionate about can be like a rock to support yourself when it gets bad. they make you feel better, they give you a purpose (though you dont need one to be worthy of life, remember that) and they give you something to connect to others with.

try to get some sunlight. vitamin D deficiency is awful and can cause serious depression, so letting the sun do its job can make you feel a little better. bonus points for either going outside or opening a window to get fresh air!

as soon as you can comfortably and safely do so, please try to go to a therapist to help you figure out how to cope with your symptoms. theyll still be there, but they can live alongside you instead of preventing you from living.

a lot of this stuff can be good for executive dysfunction too! if you need depression meals, a basic rule of thumb is to try and get all the food groups. if you only have instant noodles and some eggs, then make the instant noodles as cook the eggs in the broth. if you only have rice, peanuts, and some hot sauce, put those together. etc etc. there are tons of great resources out there too, ill probably reblog later with some.

most of all, of you seriously think youre at your wits end and might kill yourself after another issue, or maybe your parents yelled at you, or maybe you got laid off, whatever it is, call a hotline. things can be fixed, but if theyre fixed when youre gone, you wont be around to see how happy you could be :(

okay thats all. i hope i gave a few people better health education than school did. try to drink some water and maybe have a snack if you havent, and remember, i love you!!

(ps im not a licensed professional nor am i an expert, ive just been pretty depressed and suicidal for a long time, so this is speaking from mine and other's experience. if anyone else has something to say on it, i encourage sharing!! lets use our collective knowledge to defeat the pta mandated shallow health class)

[bunnihearted]

𖦹 ׂ 𓈒 🐇 ／ ⋆ ۪

[umblrspectrum]

FINALLY I CAN POST ABOUT HIM AHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA

[spearxwind]

sea of thieves rly was like. we are delaying the tenth season soo much its gonna be soooo good you guys <33 and dropping hints for more hunters call content and then the reveal drops and its just guilds. in the year of our lord 2023 (and one more mid world event i guess. coming a month after that but initially planned to be the one thing in season 11. and also the singleplayer mode coming in on december so two months into the "season")

[oh-cramity-its-amity]

i love my friends so much. i feel like yesterday i had a lot of shit going on in my head and i woke up to my friend explaining things in a way that put my mind at ease. i dont feel as anxious anymore because i know i was overthinking. i think my dad said it best when he told me that he thought my wonderful brain of mine just wants to think problems are bigger than they actually are. he is right! im just inexperienced in life and half of the time im scared im doing something wrong but- HEY. i need to be more confident in making mistakes. making mistakes doesn't define me as a person!! i need to stop worrying about doing life right and just live for the sake of living and doing what makes me happy!!!!!!!

[wlw-cryptid]

i have a bit of a situation these days and it's driving me crazy, i have nobody to talk to or ask for advice so i am venting here, hope that's okay.

i am a 19 year old lesbian and my whole love life has been filled with girls. a month ago, i met a guy and started having feelings for him. the first time i ever noticed that i liked girls was so painful and unusual for me, it was very hard to get through. i managed to get through it but i am having the same struggle all over again. i identified myself as a lesbian for so long, this feels awfully confusing and complicated. i have no idea how to explain it to my friends because they all know that i'm not into guys. i still don't feel any type of sexual attraction towards guys, even the one that i have feelings for. the making out part is fine for me but i have no desire of having sex. he is completely okay with it and loves me the way i am, which makes me very happy. however, i am having a conflict in my head. i still am not attracted to men but i am currently involved with one?! this is hard for me to process, let alone telling people about it.

i feel stuck and i need opinions, i'd appreciate it a lot. <3

i mean the simple answer is to sit down and really think about if youre comfortable being bi, darlin.

[ssteeltwigzz]

See a viscera playlist: Yahoo! Songs about tearing apart!

[Open the playlist. Underwhelming pop music about giving away your body in the name of love. Close playlist.]

[our-lady-of-mcr]

everytime i think im done ranting i remember something else LMFAO this one is extra long i hit tag limit god mf damn

[chillllii]

when the audhd is fun until you become "i really really really have to give my input/side/idea and i dont give a fuck who's talking or what everyone was initially talking about" and before this site's illiteracy kicks in i'm certain we're all guilty of this to some extent

[todayisafridaynight]

grabbing the ichi plush by the neck and death gripping it like 'good things are to come its all going to be ok good things are to come' like its a lucky amulet

[himejoshibutch]

i fucking hate happy couples i hope they drop dead

[kittyhazelnut]

You have to kidding when you say lokius or whatever is the superior Loki ship? Just because you ship it that doesn't make it superior. On top of that Mobius is the ugliest person to ever ship loki with

man, fuck off. someone asked me my opinion on Loki ships and I responded with my opinion on Loki ships. this is that whole "everyone on tumblr is chronically online and thinks every post must be About Them Specifically" bullshit I was talking about earlier. a girl can't even call her fav ship superior in her own post about her own ships without some asshole getting mad that I didn't account for Every Single Marvel Fan's Opinion Ever. make your own post about your own favorite Loki ship if you're this bitter idfc just go away

[depresseddepot]

the way i try so SO hard to gain even a crumb of body neutrality only to then see some shit on twitter that remind me that oh yeah. a distinct portion of the population genuinely believes they are being discriminated against when they have to look at or be within 50 feet of a fat person

[faerociousbeast]

do not ever try to get me to give input on mutual drama. there are some things even the all knowing fae does not know bc i see vague posts right next to each other and my eyes glaze over and i decide to continue yaoi posting with myself instead

[anurarana]

Sorry sorry I was just reading a reply of a post where someone was like the difference between a mental illness and a mental disorder is that one implies a strive to find a cure and I'm just like... babe what world do you live in where people don't want to "fix" you