#and just now i was watching some old 2003 footage and then the open'er 2015 Waterloo

[meta-squash]

I’ve been doing a properly obsessive deep dive into The Libertines lately, watching loads of footage and docus and reading articles and all that shit because my Manics obsession has cooled quite a bit over the years and I need a new band to love. Anyway I fucking adore Peter and my god his writing is incredible, even his barely legible shit in Books Of Albion. But I was also thinking about his relationship with Carl and just like....Peter is so intense. Like, so intense. Drugs aside, he’s someone who seems to just feel and express everything no matter what and doesn’t try to hide it and doesn’t try to dampen the intensity of it. I read a post the other day talking about him getting upset in the airport about something or other and the person described his life as “upsetting whimsy” and just. He’s so intense because he’s got this separate reality for himself overlaid on top of our own reality and the rules are skewed and dramatic and strange and whimsy happens but so does upset. And it’s all intense. But again, about Carl (and again, drugs aside), he seems like someone who is equally intense on the inside but has the ability and desire to keep that intensity locked away. But like....it makes sense that even as “proper” adults, even after increasingly amicable reunions and increasingly supportive friendships, he’d want to keep a little distance from Peter. Because Peter seems to love him so much and so intensely. Like, every piece of footage at gigs but especially in interviews or Roger’s documentaries, Peter just looks at him with so much adoration and love and disbelief in his eyes. And I can imagine a love as intense as Peter’s, feelings as intense as Peter seems to feel them (or express them I suppose) would get so overwhelming. Especially if Carl is equally as intense but tries his best to keep it in and maybe tamp it down. It’s just funny to watch the two of them together because you can see the moments where Peter gets a little too intense and Carl starts getting...not uncomfortable, but maybe more emotional than he’d like, and ducks away or schools his features rather harshly or whatever. All the recent videos of them together have been so lovely and both seem to have chilled out considerably. But watching the Anthems docu and tanib and other gig/interview footage just...I can imagine that being on the receiving end of Peter’s intense love gaze for long periods of time can get really intense and emotional. And it’s like he always wants to be in Carl’s space (what’s that quote from the “rather toss off a frog” interview about him wanting to go over to Carl’s mic so early because he smells good etc). It’s like he just desperately wants Carl’s love and attention and support, but he doesn’t know how to express it like a normal person. Sometimes it really seems that he really is like a lonely child in an adult man’s body. If Carl knows Waterloo is a love song about him, which I’m sure he does, I bet those moments where Peter sings it basically in his face are pretty emotional. Like, there’s that footage from 2013 at a solo show where Peter starts to play Waterloo and then gets too upset and nearly cries and has to stop and play Dilly Boys instead, and that footage from a Puta Madres gig (idk when) where he lays down halfway through and Miki pets his head. Like, imagine that amount of emotion being thrown at you all at once, when it’s about you. It’s probably a lot. Idk where I’m going with this, it’s just a thought that was in my head. Like, I agree with Peter, I think they should do more things together and hang out more and be Friends (minus the pandemic) but I also can understand why Carl is more hesitant. Because Peter just like seems to love him So Much and to want and need so much from him and to be so intense with his own world overlaid on reality and so stubborn and emotionally intense, I imagine for a much-mellowed Carl it can be a lot. Anyway. This band is just a lot. Like, I thought the Manics were close and intense in terms of their relationships with each other. They don’t even get close to Peter and Carl. Who needs fiction when you’ve got a real life band that is the most intense crazy gay emotional relationship on the damn planet and with their own imaginary utopia world to boot.

Anyway that was just an absolutely pointless ramble of thoughts that have been in my brain but sometimes I just need to type shit out and post it so it stops circling in my head and I can focus on other dumb obsessive brain thoughts.