#and just jshfjshdsjhddjhd i have such great friends that i genuinely don't know if it's just friendly platonic appreciation or a legit crus
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does gay just. mean romance-starved
#kahfsjhfajfhjsdh do u ever wonder how much of what looks like a crush is like..... yearning for romantic affection and legit over-analysing#friendly contact?????? or uhhhh contact isnt the right word i guess???? more like friendly interaction i guess????#cause like. damn#i have had so many crushes??????? and like at least half if not most of them are like..... not real crushes akfjsjfjsjfj#and like i'll get a crush on a friend and i'll be like oh s h i t#bc they obviously don't feel the same way about me??????? and i dont wanna ruin our friendship over something not even real#and just jshfjshdsjhddjhd i have such great friends that i genuinely don't know if it's just friendly platonic appreciation or a legit crus#and then i'll look at their current/past relationships/crushes/whatev and i'll feel so insecure#bc like..... how the fuck could i compare to them???? like i could never ***** *********** ***** *******???? and i dont even fit their type#also im like so fucked up lol and so many of my friends have seen me like at some of my lowest moments and like......#how would they ever like (romantically) someone like that lmao????????#and like????? is it a crush or do they just give me attention and love and validation???????? did i make it up bc im love-starved?????#fuck i just#@redacted i uhhhhhhh mmmmm i'll never ever tell you about this but i might just have a teensy bitsy tiny crush on you?????#also i love your voice and your intelligence and your thoughts and your hair and it kills me that im so far away from you and i cant cuddle#you or take care of you or simply tell you face to face how much you mean to me (romantically or not) and i want to kiss you if you're okay#with that and listen to you talk about things that make no sense to me and meet your friends and your family and i just. i want to kiss you#can i do that???? can i kiss you?#fuck um i got ahead of myself i just#uhhhhhhhhhh idk if i even want to post this hhhhhh but idk posting it feels like writing a letter and ripping it to pieces and scattering#them into the wind while standing next to a lake and feeling the wind in my cheeks and having it lift my feelings and take them away#dunno if that makes sense#ugh i hate how i get when i get a crush#especially on someone that i actually care about lmao like on pp it wasnt a big deal???? but on uhhhh redacted×1000 i just. oof#i get all sappy and get the urge to write love letters and poems and i just. i go literally love crazy ajdhd i become a teen in a bad romco#ugh im getting away from myself againnn#anyway redacted can never know because literally all of my past crushes/romantic interests(?) have turned out badly (with the exception of#but she doesnt count bc shes uhhhhhh her lmao) in the end and i always turn out sad and bitter and say+do the wrong things and shit#and anyway i dont want that to happen with you :(#i have officially said too much
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