#and it's still my fav song. i literally got it tattooed on my fucking chest

[sjukpojke]

one time i saw a “what ur fav vocaloid horror producer says about you” and the only bullet point underneath babuchan was “i cannot even begin to unpack your damage” and i’m just sitting here with a literal babuchan inspired tattoo on my chest. like its true but you didnt have to say it

[androidsfighting]

The Adventure Zone fic rec masterlist!

surprising no one, I read WAY TOO MUCH FIC so here’s an incomplete list of some of my fav fics in this fandom! mostly Taakitz and Taagnus, of course. Not in any particular order - adding most recent additions to the top. i made an effort to provide commentary but as you can see i gave up quickly

UPDATE (7/24/19) - added a bunch more fics i’ve read recently, and a couple amnesty fics at the bottom :)

Taakitz

The Winter Prince by tactfulGnostalgic

Taako is nobody’s saboteur. He’s just an ordinary assassin just trying to make ends meet, staying out of trouble (mostly) and keeping his nose clean (sometimes). But when a mysterious buyer makes him an offer he can’t refuse in exchange for the head of the neighboring prince, he ends up falling headfirst into the tangle of a foreign court — and the arms of its ruler, Prince Kravitz.

Blood and Bones and Photos by Evitcani

Kravitz has always dreamed of cities: wrapped in vines, streets peaceful and empty. He never knew the world before the end. Still, life goes on and on and on. The homes he's known are in compounds of chain-link fences patrolled by armed guards, feral zombies creeping around the edges who sing to him in the unsettled night.

There is no cure. There is no hope. There is only what little the survivors scraped together.

Then there's Taako.

And the new world that Kravitz was born into ends too.

Wrong Number by argentoswan

Taako texts a wrong number. Kravitz responds. Everyone else is confused, but they're going with it.

(6:32) so we have moved from strangling to murder (6:39) This is… still the wrong number. (6:41) i know i’m crowdsourcing ideas. quick, best way to hide an extremely tiny body?

A Bit Alarming by argentoswan

Taako gives up his freedom in exchange for the safety of his friends, and ends up locked in an enchanted castle with a surprisingly polite skeleton. Beauty and the Beast AU.

"'I’m afraid your friends were trespassing on my property. It was exceedingly impolite.' 'Yeah, and it’s super polite to lock them in the fucking dungeons.'"

study in light by weatheredlaw

He tells you things, things you don’t know what to do with. They fall out of his mouth and into your open hands, and you fumble them.

Deflection Toward The Relative Major by AuthorGod

He means to say all of this, but all that comes out is, “Why? Why choose me?” Instead of someone better suited he means; a warrior, a wizard, a priest.

I come back to this fic constantly. I love Kravitz-centric fic (surprise surprise) and this is one of the best there is I think

of aspen crowns and catskin down by mildlydiscouraging

The streets of London are slick and dark, and not just literally, although they are so often that too. Here there is not only murder, mystery, and mayhem, but magick as well. Here people go through their everyday tragedies and refuse to see the depths behind their troubles. Here two (and a half) detectives search for the truth.

In the dusk of autumn, with wind slicing down alleys, the good people of London are disappearing. It's up to Kravitz and Taako and, honestly, mostly Angus to solve the case, and maybe a couple other mysteries along the way.

SPOOKY VICTORIAN AU aka MY ENTIRE SHIT

those afternoons and evenings and does he project, does he have ideas? by mildlydiscouraging

The moments and years in between, in which feelings take root despite the constantly changing landscape. Alternatively: The world has been ending for forty years and Taako and Kravitz can't stop falling in love.

tazswap with Kravitz on the Starblaster, absolutely gorgeous prose

Reverie by Itdominic

There was a time Taako really could have taken or left it - life, and the world and whatever. Things aren't like that anymore, he tells himself, luckily, because this whole situation might get to be a real fucking drag otherwise.

heartbreaking but absolutely gorgeous

finale by teacuptaako

After everything, the distinction between alive and dead fades to a confusing grey.

In the wake of ‘The Day of Story and Song,’ Taako and Kravitz start to build their futures together: a labour of love, compromise, trust, and a slowly unravelling web of secrecy.

While the two of them grow closer and closer together, they and the rest of the world get further and further apart.

kravitz centric again, this is such a WEIRD fic and i literally haven’t stopped thinking about it since I read it

Drag Your Cities to the Sea (No Light, No Light) by  Desiree_Harding

"The months in Her retinue are long, and the work is hard. Her standards are high, and to satisfy them, Kravitz must be ruthless. But his conviction never falters. She is omnipotent. She is the avenging force of Justice, and Kravitz Her hand. She will keep the kingdom free, and for Kravitz to do her bidding is the greatest honor on this earth."

"Taako’s fingers curl tightly around the ropes of the Starblaster’s rigging as the ship cuts smoothly through the waves of the Sea of Souls below, his heart pounding in his chest and his eyes on the horizon...In these moments, it’s freedom that hangs sweet on his tongue and settles in his lungs, and Taako loves nothing better."

It's a pirate AU! You know the rest!

i live for AUs

All the Things You Prayed For by @anonymousalchemist​ and @marywhal​

Taako's been dead for two years. Taako's been dead for seven decades. Depends how you count it.

Her brother is dead and Lup’s a whole lifetime into the future. It’s a brave new world out there and she’s trying not to think about it too hard. She gets the feeling that if she starts thinking, she won’t ever stop, and she can’t afford to be out of commission. She's the only Captain America the new century’s got.

Lup is Cap, Taako fell from a train, and eventually all ghosts come in from the cold. You guessed it—it's a TAZ/Marvel shakeup baby. We're bringing the party to you.

THIS FIC OWNS MY ENTIRE ASS

The Shape of Our Days Neverending by anonymousalchemist and marywhal

After the epilogue, Taako and Kravitz have a really good day. 

just some heckin good fluff amidst all this angst

Other Lives by marywhal

When Kravitz signed up for the job in Phandalin, he didn’t expect adventuring to become his life. He was bored playing for the well-to-do of Neverwinter, sure, but not this bored. He was supposed to make some quick cash, pay off his gambling debts, and go back to his comfortable existence as a bard. He wasn't supposed to join a secret organization trying to save the world.

But here he is, paralyzed on the floor of a crystallized laboratory, and he has yet to keep a suit intact through a single adventure

more tazswap! this is unfinished rn but it’s real good so read it anyway

Bury the Lead by marywhal

Taako’s senior year at Neverwinter High could be going better. Faced with a choice between joining the school’s floundering newspaper or being expelled, he opts for a career in journalism.

Lucretia, the paper’s editor, kind of wishes he'd gone the other way.

if you haven’t read this yet what are you doing with your life

These Unfinished Creatures by marywhal

Someone in Neverwinter is stealing souls from the astral plane. The Raven Queen’s favourite reaper is undercover and on the case.

Relearning how to be human is entirely incidental.

MORE spooky Victorian AU what did i do to deserve this fandom honestly

(you should read everything by marywhal but these are my favs)

our get-along suit by anonymousalchemist

"So, let me get this straight," the reaper says, scythe held flush against Kravitz's neck. A trickle of blood drips down toward his collar. Kravitz swallows shallowly. "You picked up a suit, and the suit happened to be a lich, and the lich wouldn’t let you go, so you just rolled with it?"

"His name is Keats," Kravitz says. "And. Er. Sort of?"

Our own, soft hearts by Wildgoosery (series)

Stories involving a Moon Wedding, its attendees, and its aftermath, written in wildly different formats.

you should read everything Goose has posted but this is one of the first Taakitz fics I read so I have a real soft spot for it

The Body Eclectic by SpaceJackalope

In which Kravitz has many feelings about being dead, having a body, and liking people and things.

A Quiet Refrain by @inkedinserendipity​

It starts with some of the most mediocre eggs Taako's ever clapped eyes on. Seven out of ten for taste. Zero out of ten for plating. Somehow, they're still the best damn eggs he's ever eaten.

(Or: Taako realizes he loves Kravitz back.)

it was your heart on the line by @inkedinserendipity​ and it’s sequels (links here)

one of many fics that inadvertently inspired synecdoche

Istus must be laughing. by writersstareoutwindows

"Whenever people talk about tattoos, Taako rolls down his sleeve. They’re sitting in a circle, usually drinking, laughing and elbowing and sometimes kissing. Whenever they realize Taako hasn’t said anything, he sips his drink, arranges his hair artfully over his shoulder, and says, 'Nah, nah, nah, my dudes, I don’t hold to that,' wiggling his fingers, 'mumbo jumbo tattoo fate-or-whatever bullshit. Chaboi Taako’s a free agent.'"

The present going forward. Memories in a jumble. Not a very neat story, but it's theirs.

another fic that inadvertently inspired synecdoche which i forgot until now!!

things left in the stars by mechanicalclock

You don’t collect things from places that you will never visit again, that’s foolish. It's about learning to let go in all the new ways, adapting quicker and quicker, having fun and forgetting.

Taako and Lup learn to remember.

a moment to bathe in our victory by AnonymousPuzzler

The apocalypse comes and goes. In the aftermath, Taako takes a bath, Kravitz worries too much, and some new feelings are reflected upon.

Taagnus

The end of the word does come and go, Page of Cups, Reversed, and Taking the dogs home by anonymous

About how the world is still here, and how going on can be done.

yellow by weatheredlaw

Washing the dishes, their fingers brushed in the soapy water of the sink and Taako felt a jolt.

Magnus turned and gave him a smile.

Strange Bedfellows by treshornybros (IamJohnLocked4life)

It quickly becomes a habit, and then routine. Magnus is oddly good natured about it. But then Magnus is good natured about everything, so maybe it's not that odd. No one else seems to notice.

They always sleep back to back.

Taako should find that comforting, and he does, at first. It's just like sleeping with Lup.

Sort of.

unremembering by  bluebatwings (series)

Their lives divided up into three parts: before, unremembering, and after. Love stories.

At the Interval by AuthorGod

Time grows stagnant. Taako watches as world become fractured and consumed, cultures and civilizations wiped out. All the potential a single person is capable of in a lifetime, just ripped away in a moment.

It doesn't get to him, and it doesn't get to him, and it doesn't until it does.

breaking the same old heart by tardigradeschool

Taako and Magnus in triptych: before, during, and after the Bureau.

The Blue Hours of Morning by daisybrien

Refuge takes its toll. Magnus and Taako talk it out, drunk on the living room floor.

Taagnitz

the only life you could save by @epersonae​ and hops (series)

this could also go in the Other category bc it’s All The Ships (including magcretia which isn’t even my thing but they write is so so so well that now it is my thing!) but I’m digging through my ao3 history and not finding much taagnitz that’s not  pwp/mine (a travesty) so it’s going in here. it’s also about taako and lucretia working their whole Thing out and it’s VERY VERY GOOD

no blinding light by provocation

Elves live much, much longer than humans. By the time most humans die, elves are just reaching adulthood.

Kravitz, on the other hand, is going to live forever.

the fic that made me ship taagnitz

in the focus by weatheredlaw

The sky was clear and the arms of the galaxy that surrounded them arched overhead as they lay in their sleeping bags, staring at the stars.

or: Kravitz knows there's room in all this for something between him and Magnus — he's just not sure what that looks like.

Dust by levelone

It was supposed to be simple: Taako was on TV, and Kravitz is a writer here for some pull quotes. Instead, when they meet in an empty diner in the middle of a desert, Taako says something impossible—and Kravitz believes him.

Oak and Mahogany by hideki16seiyuu

“Don’t try to pull one over on me, handsome. He’s going gray already.”

“He’s in his fifties now, Taako.”

“How much longer is left?”

“Longer than you’d think.”

---

Human lives can never match that of elves in length.

Take Up a Place Beside Me by goodnicepeople

"It's gonna be hard," Taako says, when they're alone again. "You can't... do that. Every time."

Or: Taako and Kravitz move in. Others move on. Some get dogs.

you are the life i needed all along by iwillbeyourgoal

along with the other memories he's gained from the stolen century, taako starts remembering his relationship with magnus on the starblaster.

these small hours by  ShowMeAHero

Taako and Magnus get their memories back, and now they need to negotiate some emotions, because they're having a hell of a lot of them all at once.

Other ships/Gen

I Have Seen the Fields Aflame by Desiree_Harding

She hadn’t meant to disappear. Had she known what was going to happen, that one weekend was going to lead to seven entire years without her brother, she never would have gone. But that was all it took.

A modern au in which Lup goes missing, and discovers that the coming home is maybe the hardest part of all of it.

i cried for like an hour after reading this

a thousand points of no return by anonymousAlchemist

Since wizard's daemons often settle as birds and urban legend says that elves are separated from their daemons, no one looks too closely at the fact that Taako and Lup are both single entities, missing the other halves of their hearts. They walk like people, they talk like people, and if they're hard to read because their daemons aren't fluffing up their feathers or swatting playfully with their paws, well, elves are notoriously enigmatic anyway.

This lasts until their first death.

All deaths on the Starblaster are strange. When Magnus first died on the animal planet, I'morko followed right after, both of their bodies dissipating into golden sparks, a strange inversion of the natural order. The pattern holds. Year after year, person and daemon alike dissipate into a fine mist of dust, knit together by the bond engine in the new plane.

During their fifteenth year, Taako is shot through the heart with a well-aimed magic missile. Lup screams and casts one last firebolt, spell-sculpting around their bodies, before unspooling into a fine golden sand.

snake eyed, with a sly smile by faehunting

The circus is a mystery that sets itself up for people who track its movements, for people who are desperate to find it, to find anything. The circus is a mystery that sets itself up for people to stumble upon.

In the morning, the circus is nothing but negative space and the revellers it left behind. They sit up. They try to wet the dust in their mouths. They start the journey anew.

creepy fae weirdness!!!! yes!!!!!

I’m With The Band by redqueentheory, Wildgoosery, and Woven_Gulch (series)

A series of connected stories, equal parts sentimental and horny, about how Brad and Taako and Kravitz fall in love.

wacky BDSM crack ship becomes Greatest Romance Novel I’ve Ever Read, has made me cry multiple times

these strange creatures by anonymousalchemist

Taako sweeps himself into the common area of the Starblaster with all the drama and panache that he reserves for alternate Tuesday afternoons. Barry ignores him with all the practice he has from a decade of alternate Tuesday afternoons.

“I’m exhausted,” Taako whines, draping himself across Barry’s shoulders, the sharp point of his chin poking into Barry’s collarbone. “I’ve been up since for-ev-er, working on this dumb transmutation thing for Lulu.”

“Go meditate, then,” Barry says, absently reaching up to pat Taako’s head.

“Meditate?”

“You know, meditation? Isn’t that, uh, one of your elf things??” Barry finally looks up from his book, barest hint of a wrinkle in his forehead. Taako shakes his head.

“Never heard of it, homeslice. Musta skipped that day at elf practice.”

Barry laughs.

“Elf practice, sure.”

you know... elf practice

all your saints and saviors by anonymousalchemist

It’s not so much that she wants to die per se, as much as it is that she’s done living. The female human life expectancy is seventy-two years on this plane (it was seventy-four years on her home plane) and she’s lost count of her birthdays. But the math is easy. She was twenty when she boarded the Starblaster. A hundred-twenty when they landed in Faerun. A hundred-thirty when the Hunger was defeated. She’s fifty six years overdue.

She’s done her job, is the thing. She saved the world, in exchange for youth, friendship, family. She gave up everything but determination. She considers it fair trade. But now Lucretia is a single-use tool whose purpose no longer exists.

In Her Bones by epersonae

She lives through the destruction of her home, but still they're separated, until Julia sees the green light, and the blue light, and has to figure out what to do next.

better give that heart a listen by tardigradeschool

Barry needs a fake husband if he wants to stay undercover. Magnus is more than willing to help him out. Davenport needs a vacation.

herald of a new dawn by inkedinserendipity

When Lucretia is five years old, she meets her familiar. At seven, she remakes it; at eight, she remakes it again.

Seventy years later it saves her from an unkind world. And a Century after that, it fixes a family that had started to break.

from me to you, with love by inkedinserendipity

Magnus shuts the drawer and says, almost absently, “Tell her I love her, okay?”

Kravitz pauses, debating. He takes a deep breath. “Magnus,” he says, and Magnus, detecting the shift in his tone, looks up immediately. “You know that she already knows, right? She knows that you love her,” Kravitz says gently. “You do tell her every time.”

Magnus chuckles, rubbing a sheepish hand along the back of his neck. “I know,” he says, turning a bit pink. “I just - I love her, you know? I really do. And I guess, when you love someone, you want to tell them that every chance you get.”

your stitches are all out (but your scars are healing wrong) by tardigradeschool

When it’s over, and she can barely feel what makes her herself anymore, the umbrella is tattered beyond repair. With her last traces of energy, Lup grasps for shelter, reaching out for somewhere to store her torn soul until she can be helpful again. At the edge of her awareness, she feels a familiar shape, a familiar warmth -- in her exhaustion she could almost mistake it for her own body. She reaches for it and pulls herself clumsily inside.

Safe and contained, she lets consciousness go.

Voidfish (Reprise) by inkedinserendipity

Angus McDonald is many things — the boy detective, for one. The youngest member of the Bureau of Balance. The unofficial little brother of the THB, however Taako insists he's actually their mascot. He’s a researcher, and a scholar. He's not a fighter. He’s not a hero.

But he can save the world all the same.

Patterns of Migration by goodnicepeople

Magnus builds a house. Angus finds a home. Migration brings things back, in turn.

Hard to Starboard  by BlueColoredDreams (series)

In the best world, it ends like this:

By starting over.

and the warmth will never die by Junkyard_Rose

Taako's been gone for maybe two years when Lup thinks she sees him shoplifting from a Hot Topic.

you ever read something that makes you astral project and you can't think about anything else for the rest of the day? me too

(in this category because it's mainly about the twins but it's also taakitz and blupcretia aka the ideal fic)

and at a certain age the child is grown by bimaukery

There are people in his grandpa's house.

AU where the IPRE family all moves in together and find the place less empty than they've been led to believe.

Amnesty

i left a light beside the bed for you by SyllableFromSound

"If she stares at the ceiling without blinking long enough, it starts to look fuzzy. Like there's a grainy film of static over the surface of the plaster. It makes her think of mist outside a window, of the big old tube TV that had sat in the living room of her house for her first few years of life and that had tingled warmly when she pressed her hand to the screen. Everything feels a bit fuzzy now, maybe because it's 3AM. Everything feels warm and a bit familiar.

Finally, Dani says, quietly, 'This is what I imagined it would be like if...if things had gone differently.'"

In which a couple of outcasts have some late-night chats and Aubrey ingests a foreign object to prove a point.

older than the trees by lamphouse

Summer is returning to Kepler, bringing with it humid late nights, not as many tourists as there used to be, and a certain moth man. Unfortunately, they're not the only ones.

Duck talks some shit out. Aubrey chills. Ned gets grifted. Indrid learns to see.

[eccxntrix-blog1]

All of the masturbation questions for Godric

⌠  ☆  ⌡—  ✍ : @thxwanderer​ [ Tony ], we’re all pretty odd

                    Meme | Accepting

1:Kitchen Counter, Couch, or on top of the dryer?

E ) All of the above, but we should fuck on top one the dryer more often.

2:Your last sexual encounter: Good or Bad and why:

Well, Tony just came back home, so of course I let him fuck me into oblivion. ¡Fue increíble!

3:A fictional person that you think would be good in bed:

The one and only, Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez. Just look at this man-

Who wouldn’t want to be fucked by him?! 

4:Something that never fails to make you horny:

Whenever Tony speaks the smart, and he starts blabbering to himself about a project. Jfc, I never knew I had a thing for scientists. 

5:Where is one place you would never have sex:

Seyong’s room. Something tells me he doesn’t know how to clean up after himself. There’s no telling what’s in his room.

6:The most awkward moment during a sexual experience was when..

Tony had some pent up aggression from a mission, and I gave him permission to let it out on me ( which he initially refused, but he reluctantly gave in after a little bit of persuasion. ) So Tony was fucking me so hard that I end up running away. I literally had to pull away and had to walk it off, but I came back and took it like a man!

7:Weirdest thing that ever made you horny:

The suit! Sweet lord have mercy on my tarnished soul. Tony has yet to fuck me with the suit on; it’s to the point that I get sexual frustrated every time I see him in the suit. I can’t even watch the news anymore, thanks to him. 

8:What is the best way to sexually bind someone:

With Rope. The burn feels so good~

9:Handcuffs, Rope, or Other [if other please explain]:

All of the above, but I also like it when Tony uses his ties. 

10:What is the fastest way to make you horny:

When Tony whispers sweet nothingness in my ear. He can whisper the pythagorean theorem and I’d still get turned on. 

11:Top or bottom?

Switch, but mostly a power bottom. I’m patiently waiting for the day Tony lets me top. I’ll be gentle, babe. I swear.

12:We were about to ___fuck in the living room_____ but then ____Kitty Lu decided that he wanted to watch movie, then he ended up sleep on Tony’s lap. That cock blocker!!

13:Would you ever take a sexual enhancement drug?

You mean like viagra, or are you talking about ecstasy? I’ll take ecstasy, but my cock works just fine, so I don’t need that viagra shit. This is a question you should be asking my old man, to be honest….Don’t tell him I said that.

14:Is one orgasm enough? Are multiple orgasms necessary?

One is enough when you’re in love, but Tony won’t stop and I love that about him.

15:Something that you have hidden in your room that you don’t want anyone to find:

I have pictures of the time I was turned into a girl hidden away from everyone including Jae. There for my eyes only.

16:Weirdest nickname a significant other has ever called you:

Tony hasn’t given me a weird nickname, and I’ve never had a serious relationship before him. Bless his soul~

17:Two things you like [or dislike] about oral sex:

I love when Tony fucks my mouth, and I absolutely love it when he transitions from giving me head to eat me out; it’s like the best thing world. I fucking love him.

18:Weirdest sexual act some has performed [or tried to perform] on/with you:

I was once invited to a mandingo party. If that counts.

19:Have you ever tasted yourself? [If no, would you?] [If yes, what did you think?]

Yes, I like the taste of myself actually. It’s a little sweet and creamy. 

20:Is it ever okay to not use a condom:

What are condoms?? Kidding, Tony’s the only person I’ve ever allowed to bareback me. We haven’t been using condoms since. 

21:Who was the sexiest teacher you ever had?

Well when we role-play he likes to be referred to as professor Stark, and he’s my Physics professor.

22:A food that you would like to use during a sexual experience:

Pomegranate and chile peppers, I heard these are quite the aphrodisiac. 

23:How big is too big (peniswise):

Size doesn’t matter as long as you know how to use it. Gotta love big cocks though!

24:One sexual thing you would never do:

Water sports.

25:Biggest turn on:

When Tony comes home from a conference meeting and the first thing he does undo his tie and unfasten the first couple of buttons on his collared shirt. I can not fathom how much this actually turns me on.

26:Three spots that drive you insane:

My ears, the back of my neck, and the small of my back.

27:Worst possible time to get horny:

When Lu is in the room 

28:Do you like it when your sexual partner moans:

Fucking love it!!

29:Worst sexual idea you ever had:

“Hey babe lets make love on the beach!” I’m still getting sand out of my ass jfc.

30:How much fapping is too much fapping:

Masturbation is important for a healthy life, so if you want to live a long prosperous life, then you better start fapping 👊🏻🍆💦

31:Best sexual complement you ever got:

Whenever Tony praises me for taking ever inch of him so well. Those are the best.

32:Bald, landing strip, Jumanji:

Bald!

33:Is it good sex if you don’t nut:

It’s called orgasm denial, and I fucking hate it when Tony does that shit to me. But, when I finally get permission to cum; it’s so explosive! Just thinking about it is turning me on. 

34:Fill in the blanks: “If they __argue with someone___, we are fuckin”

Seriously, Tony and Steve need to argue more. I got so much dick; it was crazy, but I loved it.

35:What your favorite part of your body:

My hands because I know Tony has some kind of obsession with them.

36:Favorite foreplay activities:

Kissing and dry humping are my all time favs.

37:Love (>,

Love is greater than sex. I’m surprised I’m even saying that.

38:What do you wear to bed?

I sleep naked 

39:When was the first time you masturbated:

I can’t fucking remember. 

40:Do you have any nude/masturbating pictures/video of yourself?

Yes, I have tons :) 

41:Have you ever/when was the last time you had sex outside?

Yes I have, but it’s been awhile. 

42:Have/would you ever have sex outside?

Same as above

43:Have/would you ever had a threesome?

I tried to have a threesome with Tony and Steve, but bomb pop chickened out and I ended up only sleeping with Mr. Iron cock. I’d like to have a threesome, but I’m a committed man now so this is a conversation I’d have to have with Tony.

44:What is one random object you’ve used to masturbate?

I recently used Tony’s hairbrush to get the job done. Why? Because his bitch ass left me in that tower for god knows how long, and I had to think of ways to get him back. That’s just one thing I did.

45:Have/would you ever masturbate at work?

Nope.

46:Have/would you ever have sex on a plane?

Mr. Stark fucked me on his private jet :)

47:What is one song you’d like to have sex to?

Somo- We can make love

48:What is something nonsexual that makes you horny?

When Tony’s brows furrow as he concentrates on his work.

49:Most attractive celebrity?

Tony Stark

50:Do you watch straight porn? why/why not?

Yes because porn is porn.

51:If a child was born on the occasion of the last time you had sex, how old would that child be right now

That child would still be swimming in Tony’s sack, because I’m a virgin! Ha- it’ll be around 11 or 12 weeks old.  

52:Has anyone ever posted nude pictures of you online?

Nope, surprisingly.

53:What is one thing that NEVER makes you horny?

Lu.

54:Do you have stretch marks?

Yes.

55:How do you feel about your stretch marks?

I love ‘em. They add character.

56:Has anyone ever had a problem with your stretch marks?

If they did, they’ve never told me.

57:Do you like giving head? (why/why not)

Love it because I feel empowered knowing that I’m the one causing those succulent sounds Tony makes. 

58:How do you feel about tattoos on someone you are interested in?

Tattoo’s are a turn on, but not a necessity. 

59:How would you feel about taking someones virginity?

Indifferent. There’s nothing wrong with being a virgin though. I just wouldn’t recommend me being anyones first.

60:Is there any food you would NOT recommend using during a sexual encounter?

I don’t know, strawberries because I know all of them belong to Lu. He’d be heart broken if he found out what what Tony and I did to them. I wouldn’t recommend anyone to do that if they live under the same house as him.

61:Is there anything you do on tumblr that you would not like your significant other to see?

No, he’s welcomed to see anything he wants.

62:Do you own any sex toys? (what is it? (how long have you had it?)

I have a chest filled with adult toys. Some old, some new. The newest being a vibrating cock ring. 

63:Would you give your significant other unrestricted access to your Tumblr for a day?

Tony can have access to all my social media accounts.

64:Would you be offended if your significant other suggested you get plastic surgery?

Yes, very much so.

65:Would you rather be a pornstar or a prostitute?

Oh, that’s a hard question. Can’t I be an escort, or better yet, a sugar baby?? 

66:Do you watch porn?

Yes

67:How small is too small?

Once again, size doesn’t matter. Gotta love little cocks though. 

68:Have you ever been called a freak? Why?

Thief in the streets, freak in the sheets!

69:Who gave you your last kiss? Did it mean anything?

Tony, it meant a lot because he just got back from a very long mission and I missed him so. 

70:Would you switch phones with your significant other for a day?

No, not because I have something to hide. But because Tony is always needed with or without the suit, so I wouldn’t want him to miss out on anything important. I’ll take his iPad though. 

71:Do you feel comfortable going “commando”?

I’m very comfortable in my birthday suit.

72:Would you have a problem with going down on someone if they hadn’t shaved their pubic hair?

Depends on how much pubic hair is down there. I’m okay with a little bush, but a full blown jungle would be a problem. 

73:If you could give yourself head, would you?

Yes, most definitely.

74:Booty or Boobs?

Both.

75:If you had a penis, what would you name it?

I have a penis, and his name is Alexander the great. He’s a grower not a shower.

76:Have you ever been on an official date?

Yes and I loved every second of it.

77:Have you ever cheated on someone? (Why?)

In the past, yes. Because I was young and stupid.  I have no clue why I even dated that person. We weren’t even together long.

78:If you were a stripper, what would your name be?

My name would be Creamy lips because I swallow all’s the cum. 

79:Have you ever had sex in your parents bed? (Would you?)

I’ve never had parents.

80:How would you react if you found out your parents had sex in your bed?

Once again, no parents. 

81:What was your reaction the first time you saw a penis/vagina

With my first time seeing a penis, I was really awestruck and I wanted to suck it. The first time I saw a vagina I shocked because it was small and cute, but then I wanted a taste. Gotta love oral sex!

[timaltman]

rules: once you have been tagged you are supposed to write 92 truths about yourself. at the end, choose however many people you want to tag!

tagged by: @hsinlvegas who has gotten me addicted to pinterest aesthetic boards and i’m mad at her for it but she’s still p rad. 

tagging: whoever wants to do it lmao idk it’s 2:30am here idek whats up or down rn i should probably be asleep but also like.... no.

LAST… [1] drink: water (i’m so exciting /sarcasm) [2] phone call: my mom called me while she was driving home from work  [3] text message: “oh my god no. not the kidz bop. pls no” - to my sister [4] song you listened to: reaching by audiomachine (which is so good pls go listen to it) [5] time you cried: last night thinking about steve irwin and how i owe him my entire life and career bc in 2 weeks i’m starting my first official zookeeping job and he was a huge inspiration for me as a kid 

-REST UNDER THE CUT-

HAVE YOU EVER…

[6] dated someone twice: no [7] been cheated on: no [8] kissed someone and regretted it: no [9] lost someone special: yes [10] been depressed: ☜(ﾟヮﾟ☜) all the fuckin time my dudes [11] gotten drunk and thrown up: no but i’ve gotten so anxious i’ve thrown up??

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLOURS: [12] teal [13] pale yellow [14] silver

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU… [15] made new friends: yes! [16] fallen out of love: no [17] laughed until you cried: yes [18] found out someone was talking about you: yeah i mean i’m sure there are like three people who bitch about me all the time lmao [19] met someone who changed you: yes~ (in a good way)  [20] found out who your true friends are: (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧ -bitter fucking laughter-  [21] kissed someone on your facebook list: ye - my wonderful girlfriend~

GENERAL… [22] how many of your tumblr friends do you know in real life: i mean, i’ve met a lot of them after becoming friends on tumblr, but then i have some old high school friends and some internship friends on here, too.... so like 10 or so? probably a few more than that. [23] do you have any pets: my asshole cat, robin: the cat wonder, lives with me in my apartment. at home i have a beagle/terrier mutt named copper and a gray tabby named dusty. i’m hoping to maybe get a ball python this summer but i’m not sure yet! [24] do you want to change your name: yeah, i’ve considered it b/c trans but i’m not entirely sure what i want yet.... [25] what did you do for your last birthday: wielded a chainsaw, ate shitty walmart cake and watched step brothers with some classmates in a remote cabin in southern illinois? not my first choice but not terrible, all things considered. didn’t lose any limbs that day so i can’t complain. [26] what time did you wake up: robin woke me up at like, 5:30am to get fed, but then i went back to sleep again until 7:30, text billy to have a good day at work, and then i went back to sleep again until 9:45 b/c i didn’t have my 9am class today hell yeah [27] what were you doing at midnight last night: uh, pinterest-ing for my character aesthetic boards.... >_> [28] name something you cannot wait for: graduating college and being the fuck done with schoooooool. also mother fuckin wonDER WOMAN. [29] when was the last time you saw your mother: april 23rd [30] what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: how far away all the ppl i care about are :(((( [31] what are you listening to right now: more audiomachine but i was watching friends in the background earlier [32] have you ever talked to a person named tom: ye my old neighbor was named tom he was real nice [33] something that is getting on your nerves: not in the angry way but in the anxious way- i have to give a presentation on my research project to the college board in like... 6 hours. [35] elementary: yes? [36] high school: done [37] college: sO CLOSE TO DONE I LITERALLY HAVE TWO CLASSES LEFT [38] hair color: brown.... it used to have a white patch and be fun, but i dyed it for superboy and now i’m battling with myself debating if i should dye it back bc “””professional””” for jobs but that’s so boring i want to look like shiro again :((( [39] long or short hair: short god please short, regardless of what gender i present, short is so much nicer since my hair is so thiiiiick [40] do you have a crush on someone: ye my a m a z i n g girlfriend uwu  [41] what do you like about yourself?: noncommittal shrug emoji? i like my eye color i think that’s pretty radical since it’s like a gray-teal color. i guess i’m a pretty good resource for random ass animal facts too [42] piercings: mmmm i mean, i don’t care for them or about them that much? [43] blood type: literally no idea which is probably bad [44] nickname: sunshine, sam, sammy, teddy, timmy, timtam, dad [45] relationship status: -heart eyes emojis @ billy- [46] zodiac sign: aries i think? idk all i care is my celtic zodiac is a fox, so [47] pronouns: he/him [48] fav tv show: f ri ck en brooklyn 99 [49] tattoos: not yet, but after i get top surgery and no longer run the disk of mutilating or stretching it, i wanna get tim’s robin symbol on my chest [50] right or left handed: left!

FIRST… [51] surgery: wisdom teeth were my first surgery, i think? [52] piercing: got my earlobes pierced when i was like, 12? idk i don’t wear them anymore so they’ve all but closed up [53] best friend: this girl on the playground in preschool named asya but after her was this girl named natalie that i was friends with from kindergarten all through junior high. she just got married like, a month ago and i feel old [54] sport: like to actually continue with was soccer - i started at 6 i think [55] vacation: that i remember? disney world b/c my dad had drill down in florida so my parents dragged my sister and i with bc we didn’t have to pay for the hotel lol [56] pair of trainers: wut

RIGHT NOW… [57] eating: nothin [58] drinking: water [59] i’m about to: sleep maybe, hopefully?  [60] listening to: still audiomachine since they just asked this question like 10 questions ago..... [61] waiting for: my anxiety to calm tf down so i can go to sleep [62] want: foooood. i ate dinner really early (5pm) and now it’s 10 hours later so i want food again. [63] get married: -super noncommittal and also confused, disgruntled noises- ?? [64] career: dream career is a zookeeper, honestly. it’s what i’m doing, i’ve worked really hard to get to the place where i am, and i’m happy with it

WHICH IS BETTER… [65] hugs or kisses: hugs [66] lips or eyes: eyes [67] shorter or taller: no preference [68] older or younger: usually i get along better with ppl older than me- all my closest friends are older by 2 years or more except like..... amy [69] romantic or spontaneous: anxiety and spontaneity don’t mix lmao [70] nice arms or nice stomach: either or both or neither is fine idrc [71] sensitive or loud: sensitive [72] hook up or relationship: relationship [73] troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant only bc troublemaker makes me anxious lmao

HAVE YOU EVER… [74] kissed a stranger? nope [75] drank hard liquor? ye i’ve had like. one whole vodka and lemonade in my entire life because i am a raging party animal /sarcasm [76] lost glasses/contact lenses? i lose my contacts in my eyeball sometimes [77] turned someone down? ye kinda. my ~best friends~ have this bad habit of ~falling in love with me~ and then getting pissed when i don’t return the feeling and treating me like crap :))))  [78] sex on first date? nope [79] broken someone’s heart? sure maybe idk. not on purpose. [80] had your own heart broken? no [81] been arrested? nope [82] cried when someone died? i’m a monster and have no feelings so no, not really. i usually go into emotional shock and stop processing everything [83] fallen for a friend: kind of

DO YOU BELIEVE IN… [84] yourself? noooope [85] miracles? listen on friday i catered an event and the idiot who packed it up for us on their shift the day before forgot to put matches in the gathering. and the truck drivers loaded it onto the truck before i could check that everything was there. so we got to the location and couldn’t light the sternos for the hot food but somehow we found a box of matches in the kitchenette we were serving out of so yes i believe in miracles [86] love at first sight? maybe? idk not really i really don’t understand how anyone could love someone without knowing a bunch about them first [87] santa claus? billY AND I SAW SANTA ON OUR WAY UP TO C2E2 ON SUNDAY OKAY HIS CAR WAS RED AND SAID “MY OTHER RIDE IS A SLEIGH” AND HIS LICENSE PLATE SAID KRINGLE AND HE HAD A BIG WHITE BEARD IT WAS AMAZING OKAY. [88] kiss on the first date? maybe for ppl who aren’t like. super anxious about everything all the time [89] angels? no

OTHER… [90] current best friend’s name: marble, emma [91] eye color: teal-gray, which sounds pretentious and White Person af but like..... that’s the best way to describe them [92] favorite movie: i don’t knowwww that’s a hard one ;_;