#and it’s almost certainly because they kept filming despite the strike

[jetsetreid]

ignore me like we never met before - spencer reid x reader - chapter 1/?

Summary: Spencer Reid annoys you. Enemies to lovers with a side of BDSM (to follow -- no sex in this chapter, sorry!) 

A/N: New to CM fandom, hiiii. With the s7 cast (the elite) but set post-Maeve storyline. Title from Ignore me by Betty Who.

Word Count: 2.5k

Spencer Reid was annoying. And not just in the normal ways you might find someone annoying. Spencer was annoying in an extraordinary way, that only someone with an IQ of 187 and an eidetic memory could be. The most annoying part was that he never really met your quips or participated in your banter. 

It made you look like an asshole, which was completely unfair of him. Because you knew Spencer returned your feelings. You annoyed him as well. He avoided you constantly and when he did speak to you, he made sure it was case related. You didn’t sit next to each other on the jet, or at team outings. Hotch almost never paired you together. You recognized, in the back of your head, that you should be thankful for this, but you just found it to be another thing about him that annoyed you.

Despite your lack of time spent together, you couldn’t help yourself. When an opportunity presented itself, you just had to push back. It didn’t matter though, because he never said anything back. He always let you insult him and looked away without a reaction. 

--

Your favorite pastime. Team drinks. And you were stuck sitting next to JJ and across from Spencer, with everyone else further down the double-sided booth. Spencer and JJ had been chatting all night about her kids and a film festival Spencer went to every year and had recently joined the board of organizers. If it wasn’t for the fact that Spencer was involved, the film festival might have actually sounded interesting. 

Instead, it was mind numbingly boring. You tried to focus your attention on Morgan and Penelope down the booth, but they were too caught up in each other to notice your desperate attempts to strike up a conversation. 

Emily showing up to team drinks was a godsend

“Emily, thank god,” you shrieked. “Sit next to me!”

Emily slid into the booth next to you and quickly ordered a drink before the two of you fell into a conversation. You were discussing Emily’s new girlfriend and how tangled up in each other they’ve been. You’ve missed her lately. This was the first time she’d actually shown up to team drinks in months.

“You know, I like Eleanor and I’m happy for you, but falling in love is gross.” You said it with no bite and a smile on your face. You were teasing her. 

“Actually,” Spencer cut in, “Falling in love has a similar neurological effect as getting high on cocaine.”

You rolled your eyes so hard they almost fell out. What did boy wonder know about falling in love? And why was he involving himself in a conversation that had nothing to do with him? Spencer and JJ had been ignoring you all night. Okay, maybe JJ tried to include you in their conversation, but still. 

“Another fact you read, but don’t know in practice, right?” you asked, eyeing him with spite. You were fairly new to the team, almost a year in, but you just knew there was no way Spencer Reid had been in love before. 

Emily tensed up beside you and JJ fell silent as well. You figured Spencer would ignore your comment, like ways. He never ever rose to your insults.  

“What about you, we all know you’ve been high on cocaine. So even though you’ve never found anyone to love you, it’s almost the same thing.” 

JJ choked out a laugh. Emily smirked without meeting your eyes. All you could do was glare. 

The team knew about your party days in college, although you’d never outright said you’d done cocaine. The reality is that you had and quite a bit too. Your first couple of years in college were a blur of a party until you calmed down your junior year and took academics seriously.

But Spencer never challenged you, so what made this so different? Maybe you hit a nerve. Everyone knew he was lacking in the relationship department. 

“I’ve found plenty of people to love me,” you said with a smirk. 

“For the night,” Spencer added, with a bite.

You should’ve been annoyed or angry, you should’ve told him to shut up, but you didn’t. Because seeing him take the bait after almost a year of digs made something in your stomach flutter. You were finally getting to him.

“Yeah, wouldn’t you like to know?”

Spencer meet you with hard, scowling eyes. Emily and JJ followed your back and forth like a tennis match. 

“What’s that saying? If you caught fire, I wouldn’t piss to put you out.”

“Jesus, Spence,” JJ muttered. 

“Those are Fall Out Boy lyrics,” you responded with a glare. He was such a dick.

Spencer shrugged. “Sentiment stands.” 

You dropped it after that. You hated to give him the win, but another round of drinks appeared, and Emily quickly changed the subject. 

-- 

Spencer didn’t stop after that. It was becoming a problem. Mostly because Hotch could shrug off your mouth before. Most of the team thought you were just teasing, and because Spencer never reacted, they all saw it as harmless. 

But he was reacting now and the two of you were trading insults like siblings. You were being childish, but so was he so you didn’t stop. At first, it was almost fun. But Spencer was too quick, too smart. He didn’t even have to try. 

Another case, another jet ride. 

“Maybe the unsub has something on these victims. With this amount of overkill…” you trailed off, eyeing the photos in front of you on your tablet.

“Actually,” Spencer started. This was the fifth time he’d interrupted you (yes, you were counting) and you’d only been on the jet for 30 minutes. 

“Oh my god,” you groaned, snapping your finger in front of his face. “Does anyone get to give an opinion on anything without you actually’ing them?”

He swatted your hand away. “That’s not a word,” Spencer sighed. “Maybe I always have to interject because like your vocabulary, your opinions resemble that of a 3rd grader.” 

“Focus,” Hotch commanded. You could tell by the tone of his voice that he was absolutely done with both of you so you dropped it and you kept the rest of your opinions to yourself. The worst part of Spencer finally participating in your insult war was that he was always winning. He was smarter than you and he wasn’t afraid to let you know it. 

It didn’t bother you at first, but after weeks of him always getting the upper hand, it started to. You felt stupid and you started to question your spot on the team. You absolutely hated that you let him get into your head like this.

--

The case wrapped up later that week. Unsub caught. Another jet ride home. 

You gathered your things from the bullpen when Hotch appeared, singling for you and Spencer. 

“I need to see you both in my office.”

Derek winced and Emily patted you on the back. “Try not to murder each other in there.” 

“Yeah, good fuckin’ luck,” Derek added with a laugh as they both headed to the elevators. 

You ignored them and started walking up the stairs, quickly followed by Spencer. You both took a seat with your eyes glued to Hotch. You knew what was coming.

“Y/L/N, Reid,” Hotch started. “I’m not happy to be having this conversation. Your behavior has been juvenile and unproductive.”

You twisted your hands in your lap. This felt like getting reprimanded by a parent and you did not like it. Your stomach twisted with guilt.

“I don’t care about whatever rivalry the two of you have going on and I certainly don’t need you to be best of friends, but your behavior is affecting the team. And I need it to end.”

You nodded, refusing to look anywhere near Spencer.

“I understand, sir,” you breathed, voice low. “Consider it ended.”

Spencer nodded, “I apologize. It won’t be a problem anymore.” You saw him looking your way out of the corner of your eye, but you refused to take your eyes off Hotch. You felt terrible, having disappointed your boss.  

You both exited his office with a quiet sigh. Your heart felt heavy. 

You wouldn’t admit it, but you were secretly glad Hotch put an end to things. You knew you had started all of this, but Spencer’s words were like a poison. They were all you could think about some nights, tossing and turning. Were you really that stupid? Like a 3rd grader? Did everyone see it? You often wondered how you even landed this job after the things Spencer said about you. 

Hotch’s door clicked shut behind you as the both of you walked to your desks. You could tell Spencer was just as upset as you and you wanted to comfort him somehow, but you quickly pushed down the foreign and unwelcome thought. 

Spencer lifted his bag over his shoulder, eyeing you finally. “Just stay out of my way from now on, Y/L/N.” 

You really wanted to fight back, but instead you felt tears prick at your eyes. How fucking annoying. You absolutely refused to cry in front of Spencer Reid, but you knew he could tell how emotional you were. He was a profiler after all, and you weren’t even trying to hide it.

“Just stop, Reid,” you whispered, grabbing your purse and exiting the bullpen. You didn’t wait for him at the elevator. In front, you hit the “close doors” button rapidly until they slid shut, leaving you alone.

--

Weeks passed. You were quietly miserable. Spencer ignored you. Hotch watched the two of you constantly. Everyone else did as well, and it was suffocating. You barely spoke up anymore, always having to be prompted by Hotch, or sometimes Derek and Emily. Even JJ and Rossi. Anyone but Spencer. He didn’t care what you had to say and he didn’t even bother pretending like he did. 

You knew you were acting unreasonable, but you still felt scolded by Hotch and now isolated by the rest of the team. Realistically, you knew that wasn’t the case, but Spencer had known them all for a decade and sometimes it felt like they all took his side. It hurt your feelings, as irritating as that was to admit.

Things boiled over in Phoenix. An unsub that the team hadn’t exactly profiled right. A mistake you made, dropping your gun and moving close. You thought you could talk him down. You were very, very wrong.

It happened so fast. The unsub grabbing you, bringing you to his front, your back firmly against his front. He wrapped his arm around your neck, applying pressure. 

He was using you as a human shield. His other hand rose and you felt the cool metal of the unsub’s gun against your temple. You couldn’t speak. Why couldn’t you speak? You were trained for this, but right now you felt helpless. Derek and Spencer stood in front of you, trying to talk him down, but you couldn’t make out their words. You could tell they were panicked, and you knew this wasn’t going to end well.

The unsub – Randall Gaines – tightened his arm around your neck, cutting off your oxygen just a bit more. You felt a tear slide down your cheek. You were going to die in a shitty motel in Phoenix, Arizona. Right in front of Reid and Morgan. Bullet through the skull. They were going to walk out of here with your blood splattered all over them, but you weren’t walking out of this room at all. 

You felt your grip on reality slip as his chokehold tightened, your eyes slipping shut. Darkness. 

--

You woke to Derek crouched in front of you, breathing a sigh of relief. You were still alive. You were still in the shitty motel room.

The unsub was dead next to you, both of you on the ground. You’d passed out, but only for a couple of seconds. You were fine. 

Derek helped you up, snaking an arm around you for support. He loaded you into the backseat of the SUV while you waited for backup.

The ambulance came and checked you out, the coroner carried away the unsub’s body and the three of you left. No one spoke, least of all you.

--

The jet ride home was not pleasant. You avoided everyone’s concerned eyes by taking a seat in the back and putting your headphones in. You didn’t even listen to anything, but it guaranteed that everyone left you alone. 

When you got back to Virginia, Hotch grabbed your shoulder, leading your away from the team out into the hallway. “Take a few days, okay, Y/N?”

You nodded. “Okay.” Your voice was barely there, a rough whisper at best. The paramedic had warned you of this. Loss of voice, coughing, trouble swallowing. Red eyes, headaches, bruising. Even nausea. Although you weren’t sure if that was from the injuries or the situation in general. 

Hotch eyed you, sighing. “I want you to know you are a valued member of this team. See you next week.”

You nodded again before rushing to the elevators. Which would have been great, had it not been for one Penelope Garcia. 

She saw you and scurried over, pulling you into an embrace. “Y/N,” she breathed. “I am so happy you’re okay.”

Maybe it was because it was Penelope, or maybe it was just because of the day you had, but you hugged her back, clinging. She pressed a kiss to your forehead. “Movies and takeout?”

You found yourself nodding without realizing it. You had missed this. The past couple of weeks you had been so closed off, so worried about your place on this team. But now you were too tired and too distressed to worry. You followed Penelope out of the building. 

--

Derek showed up with a 12 pack of White Claw and a bottle of white wine. 

“Your favorites,” he grinned.

Emily and JJ followed with Chinese takeout.  The five of you spread out on Penelope’s couch and the floor in front of it. You smiled despite the burning in your throat, the hoarseness of your voice and the bruising you were sure was developing around your throat. 

You smiled and cracked open a White Claw, attention on the latest episode of Saturday Night Live. You missed your friends. 

Until the door quietly opened and Spencer Reid appeared. He looked uncomfortable. He brushed his his hair behind his ear and sat down on the floor with his legs crossed next to Derek. 

“I brought DVDs,” he said, holding up a handful of them. 

“Thanks,” you whispered. You didn’t mean to say anything, but you didn’t take it back. You even offered him a small smile. 

“Pretty boy, it’s all about streaming these days,” Morgan rolled his eyes, “but it’s the thought that counts.” And then he ruffled Spencer’s hair. You smiled again. 

Even with Spencer Reid in the mix, you were happy.

[bluecrusadearcade]

Harrison Osterfield is not your regular irregular

By Baker Street, Gentleman’s Journal quizzes the star of Netflix’s new drama on world records, Sherlock Holmes and his golf swing…

Draped in a silk shirt and paisley scarf, Harrison Osterfield is shivering his way across a brisk Regent’s Park. But he’s not complaining. Why would he? After all, the 24-year-old has dealt with worse. In his latest television series alone — Netflix’s The Irregulars — he’s tussled with demonic crows, paranormal serial killers and even the occult. So a little nip in the air? Nothing to worry about.

“I do have my eye on that jumper, though,” beams Osterfield from behind a bold pair of sunglasses. I don’t blame him. It’s a chunky-knit, funnel-neck number from Connolly, and the next piece of clothing lined up for this al fresco photoshoot. But, for now, the young actor must grit his chattering teeth — and continue striking willowy poses in that billowy shirt.

And those poses are turning heads. Dog-walkers, taxi drivers and tourists are all picking up on Osterfield’s energy; a coolly British blend of big grins and bouncy enthusiasm. He swings from a lamppost! He dances through daffodils! He feeds the pigeons! NW1 hasn’t seen this much action in months…

And we’ve come to Regent’s Park for obvious reasons; Baker Street snakes down from its south-west corner. And, on that famous thoroughfare, sits the fictional digs of Sherlock Holmes. But The Irregulars, a supernatural-tinged drama named for Holmes’ gang of trusty street informants, wasn’t shot in London. Rather, it was filmed on the authentically old streets of Sheffield and Liverpool — the same cobbles walked by the Peaky Blinder boys. So this, Osterfield grins, is a fun opportunity to see the real thing.

“All of the rest of the cast,” he admits, “are really big Sherlock fans. I’ve never really read any of the Sherlock books. I’ve seen maybe one Robert Downey Jr. film? So I was very new going into it.”

Today, then, will be a crash course. Because, after we get Osterfield out of the park (and into that jumper), we’re heading to the Holmes Hotel for a coffee and a catch-up. It’s a relatively new hotel just off Baker Street, decked out with knowing nods to the world’s greatest detective. There’s a bronze bulldog guarding the door, pipe-patterned wallpaper and signature cocktails at the sadly-closed bar (anyone for a ‘Case Closed’?).

But, though there are only suggestions of Sherlock in the Holmes Hotel, Osterfield explains that they’re even subtler in the show. Because The Irregulars, in a nutshell (wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma), sidelines the sleuth, and shifts the focus onto Osterfield and his fellow gang members. The actor plays one of the show’s leads; frail runaway nobleman Prince Leopold. All sullen glances and broken bones, his story is the heart of this first season.

“And it’s been a long project in the making,” says Osterfield, noting that filming on The Irregulars began almost two years ago. “That’s quite daunting. When you’ve spent that much time on something and you’ve got no idea how it’s going to turn out?

“It means that, now, it’s crunch time,” he continues, face creasing with mock-worry, “and I have no idea how people are going to react. But I’m really proud of the work, and that’s what I’m taking away from it.”

The Irregulars may be Osterfield’s first lead role — but he’s been acting for years, popping up in several short films and the George Clooney-directed adaptation of Catch-22 before Netflix took notice. His first role came at 11-years-old, when he was cast as Tiny Tim in his school’s stage production of A Christmas Carol. “It’s funny, actually,” says Osterfield, “because it’s quite a similar physicality to my role in The Irregulars”.

“But that’s where it started,” he continues. “And the real reason I got into acting was because there was this girl in the drama class who I really liked. I thought, if I joined up and impressed her, I could take her out on a date. That didn’t happen. But, although she wasn’t interested at all — the acting seems to be going okay!”

It certainly does. But, like actors all over the world, it’s been a very slow year for Osterfield. He returned to set in September to finish filming the Netflix show — but the rest of his lockdown was eerily, cannily familiar to everyone else’s.

“I went back to my home in Kingston,” he nods, “where I was living with three of my best mates who are also actors. Quite a few of my friends are in theatre, and they had a really tough time of it — not knowing what was going to happen next. I was very lucky, knowing that I was going back to finish something”.

The actor says it was strange being locked-down with fellow performers. With sets closed around the country and curtains falling on theatres, it was one of the first times they had all been at home together. But, even with the additional pressure, he says there were no problems. And there never have been, according to Osterfield — as it’s rare that he and his friends ever compete for the same role.

“We’re all very different castings!” he laughs. “Which is good. It’s a mixed bag, really. But it’s very useful when you’ve got to self-tape an audition and there’s another actor literally upstairs. Also, we’ve all known each other for ten years, so we’ve grown up together and, luckily, know when not to push each other’s buttons.”

With no work, Osterfield spent most of his 2020 getting stuck into lockdown. And he shamelessly tried every self-isolated stereotype. He binge-watched every sports documentary from Drive to Survive to Last Chance U. He upped the frequency and intensity of his workouts. He even tried his hand at cooking. He tried everything.

“I did try everything!” the actor laughs, fizzing once more with that lamppost-swinging, daffodil-dancing energy. “Really! I think I went though every lockdown activity there is. I gave baking a go for two weeks — that didn’t work out. I made a banana bread and that was it. I’m not going to be delving into that any more…

“We were quite lucky, though,” he adds, “because we had an outdoor space. We built a homemade golf net in our garden, by putting up two wooden poles and hanging a blue screen we had left over from filming. That kept us entertained most days”.

But, despite the failed banana breads, closed-off golf courses and Irregulars anxiety, Osterfield says that the worst thing about lockdown was missing his family.

“Because we’re a very close family”, he explains. “Massively so. And, usually, we’d have family gatherings every other weekend – my whole family are in East Grinstead and closer to Brighton, so real countryside. I’m honestly just looking forward to the day, with summer on the horizon, that we can do some good barbecues outside.

“We even tried family Zoom quizzes over lockdown,” he adds, “and they all figured out that I’m not that clever. The rest of my family all seem really, really intelligent. I don’t know if they were just revising beforehand, but I was definitely last a couple of times…”

And Osterfield’s most inspiring family member — not to mention the most irregular — is his 89-year-old grandfather. Despite the young actor upping his own fitness levels during lockdown (“I started doing handstand push-ups. That’s my new skill!”) Osterfield’s grandfather put those athletic achievements to shame.

“He’s fitter than me!” laughs Osterfield. “He’s been kept at home for most of the time and, as a family, we’ve been quite worried about him. But I struggle to keep up with him. I’ll ring him up and ask how his day’s going and he’ll say ‘Oh, hi Harry. Can I call you back later on? I’m just doing some exercise’. So he’s doing better than okay!”

But the exercising, Osterfield says seriously, has been a real lifeline. It’s kept both him and his mind busy during lockdown — and has motivated the actor to pursue more physical, active roles in the future. If he can look back at a body of versatile work, measured out in marked body transformations, he says he’ll be happy.

“I’ve been doing a lot of bodyweight exercise over the last year,” he nods. “I thought it would be quite cool, while in lockdown, to break a world record for something — so I’ve been trying lots of fitness challenges. I’m very close to getting the most burpee chin-ups in under a minute. I’ve got to knuckle down on that.

“I also tried to eat an apple in under 38 seconds,” he laughs. “Which sounds like a long time, but it’s actually quite difficult. And, with apples, I eat everything. Even the middle bit. Even the stem. I just chuck it down. I’m a big fruit bat, so I eat everything apart from the seeds.”

There’s that bouncy energy again; that fun-but-utterly-sincere enthusiasm. It’s an odd thing for an actor, to be so happily unabashed by everything — but the 24-year-old is as animated when talking about his acting as he is about his apples. And that’s nice to see. He’s clearly relishing every opportunity to better himself, and just getting started with what promises to be a very exciting career. Harrison Osterfield, it seems, takes every bite of the apple — literally. Talk about irregular.

[theresnosafeharbor4myships]

TITLE: Merry Distractions

A/N: Just a bit of Ichabbie Christmas reading for you. You’ll find lots of longing with a sweet and happy ending and a smidge of Joe, Jenny, and Irving thrown in for good measure.

He'd watched her all night as she'd played hostess, flitting around filling glasses and snack bowls, changing the music when an unloved song sounded through the speakers, ensuring everyone had enough to eat, and making merry with the whole lot of them. Her festive attire, a silken, emerald green dress with gold flecks in it, lent her skin a rosy hue, and she'd pulled her crown of ringlets into a golden clasp at the back of her head, leaving her neck and dangly, Christmas light earrings exposed. The dress's short sleeves showed off her muscular arms, and the square neckline cut low but not so low it distracted him—or anyone else, he was happy to note. Not that it made much of a difference for him though: the woman was a walking distraction as far as he was concerned. Her large, expressive brown eyes twinkled at him in every one of his daydreams. Her hair, so versatile and stylish, begged him to brush it away from her beautiful face. And those full, Christmas-red lips she smiled with now would pleasantly haunt his dreams for weeks to come. Oh yes, most certainly a distraction, but tonight he almost felt safe with it. The handful of people roaming throughout the house gave him a buffer he didn't often have while working alone with her in the Archives or in the field or riding next to her in the car. As such, he freely 'checked her out,' a phrase Miss Jenny had used once that he'd mentally squirreled away. Much to his chagrin, he'd checked her out a bit too much this evening, and it’d left him feeling out of sorts. The new lieutenant on the force made her laugh easily, that wonderful smile of hers breaking across her face at something Mr. Muscular and New had said. The man's eyes twinkled at her, and a white-hot pearl of jealousy burned in Ichabod's chest, blooming large and ugly as Abbie’s new colleague gazed appreciatively at her, pleased and proud at the response his words had elicited from her. Not much of what he and the Lieutenant did as their day job made for amusement, but Ichabod felt ripples of pleasure when he could draw a laugh from her, loved watching the worries ease away from her beautiful face, that gorgeous, full-fledged smile and tinkling laugh filling his heart with gladness and his eyes with nearly more beauty than he could stand. None of her sheriff's department colleagues had acted so freely with her before—and she'd never responded so openly. Until this man. And it concerned him, more than he cared to admit. Seeing Abbie and Mr. Muscular standing next to one another, her hand landing lightly on the man's forearm as she laughed at his joke, raised his hackles. Not because he thought the man ill-willed or a foe to their cause, but precisely because he didn’t think those things. In fact, he couldn’t find a flaw in the man at all. The truth of the matter was...they made a striking pair: Abbie petite, stylish, stunning, and effervescent, and Mr. Muscular broad, powerful, and clearly amusing enough to hold the Lieutenant's unbridled attention. Further, Mr. Muscular exhibited everything he, Ichabod, did not: power, raw strength, position, and a gregarious personality. Gainful employment, modern style, shorn hair, and a tailor-cut suit. Together, the two of them looked like they'd stepped right out of the television box and into one of those yuletide films the Lieutenant indulged in on weekends. He, on the other hand, often drew strange stares and chuckles from strangers and acquaintances alike. He'd thought himself rather dashing this evening though, having traded his normal attire for a dark green shirt in his usual front-laced style with black breeches, his boots, and a fitted black tailcoat. This last piece had caused the Lieutenant to do a double take, and when he'd questioned her about it, she'd nodded with an appreciative eye and mentioned that it looked like a tux jacket. (He'd surreptitiously done an online search before the guests arrived to find out what a tux was and felt satisfied with his choice of finery, if only because Abbie seemed to like it on him.) But now, standing across the room from Mr. Muscular and Abbie, he questioned it all: how he could ever compare with a modern man who didn't need to be assisted with the mundanity of today's world, how he could have begun to think he was fitting in to the here and now, what he'd do without the Lieutenant by his side should she ever pair up with another man, how he'd thought he could have a chance with the beautiful, independent, strong, and wonderful woman who'd wrapped herself so intricately around his heart he'd have to surgically remove her should that pairing occur.

Tamping down his vexation, Ichabod kept a neutral look on his face, though he doubted anyone noticed his clandestine surveillance. He hadn't much cared what people thought of him, of his strange (in this era) manner of speaking and colonial attire and his 'hippie hair-do' (another of Miss Jenny's colloquialisms). From early on but more and more now, he'd hoped someday the two of them might become something more than just 'the two witnesses.' Watching Abbie so carefree with another man, and one that clearly had his sights set on her, made him question whether that had ever or could ever be a possibility. After all, he would always be a man out of time, and the Lieutenant deserved more than he could ever possibly provide for her. No, he seemed a far cry from a good match for her, and the sudden realization soured his mood. The music ringing from the wireless Bose speakers (he hadn’t bothered to ask what that particular moniker meant) certainly didn't help his mood. In his day, Christmas music spoke of the birth of the Christ-child, the peace that accompanied his glorious arrival, and the hope of the world fulfilled. Now, much of the festive music focused on missing one's 'true love,' as every voice ringing around the room seemed to long for a lost or distant lover, crave the attention or presence of 'the one,' or be begging Saint Nicolas for a partner. He simultaneously cringed at the desperate, needy lyrics and felt them resonating in his heart as he watched the Lieutenant and Mr. Muscular continue to chat. Ichabod felt like a giant flaw in the evening’s festivities, suddenly overcome by feelings of inadequacy as the weight of his imperfections wrapped their maudlin tendrils throughout his mind. His reticence to assimilate more bothered him in a way it never had. Not when he'd first ran though the dark streets of Sleepy Hollow just having woken from a centuries’ long sleep, not when the Lieutenant and Captain Irving and Miss Jenny had harangued him about the past, and not even when Abbie had purchased modern day attire for him to wear and he'd handily refused. He believed now that'd been a mistake. He could never compete with the likes of today's men such as he was. A Captain from the Revolution with odd speech, hair, and mannerisms, and a significant (though improving) lack of knowledge of modern phrases, places, and ways? No wonder she laughed with Mr. Muscular: he was nothing less than perfectly suited for her. The melancholy of the moment settled over him, and Ichabod turned away from the happy couple across the room and made his way to the drink table. He downed a few shots of rum—the Lieutenant had bought his favored brand, he noted with a twinge of pain—and let them burn through him before he rejoined the festivities, actively avoiding the Lieutenant and her new friend. He did his best to forget the vision of her—and she was a vision—and Mr. Muscular, instead choosing to make merry with the Captain for a while, then with Miss Jenny and Master Corbin. Though he easily feigned happiness, his insides ached at the sense of loss that had solidified into his heart. Despite his realization that someone else likely held the Lieutenant’s affections, the party had gone well. Lots of laughter and some drinks, talk of family traditions and something called a white elephant gift exchange. (He hadn't had a clue what that was, let alone what to buy, so Abbie, ever his patient guide, had rescued him, purchasing his party gift for him.) He'd walked away from the game with a gift card to a local spa. There'd been jokes about him finally getting a proper haircut or soaking in a sauna, trying a steam room or getting a body wrap, which, to hide his already miserable thoughts about himself, had set him off explaining how his Native American friends, well versed in natural healing properties of steam and mud, had taught him the finer points of self-care. He'd meant it in all solemnity, but it'd left everyone laughing, much to his chagrin. Now, as people began to leave and amidst saying his goodbyes, he downed another shot of rum and slowly started cleaning up, putting the leftover food into smaller containers and throwing away garbage. "Crane." He turned at the sound of Captain Irving's voice to find him and the Lieutenant standing by the front door. Regardless of how he felt after this evening's revelation, his eyes were drawn to her—always. How could he continue to live here, under the same roof as her, and maintain a friendship that he'd hoped would become more, knowing it'd never progress beyond what they had now? How long could he keep pretending he was unaffected by her, knowing his heart nearly beat out of his chest when she stood near him, fell asleep against him while lounging on the couch, lingered in mundane conversations with him over their morning coffee? How could he watch her be with someone else? Abbie's eyes went wide, pulling him into the present as she pointed at the Captain, indicating he should say a proper farewell. Irving lifted a hand in a goodbye wave, and Ichabod swallowed down his heartache, wiped his hands dry on a kitchen towel, and rushed to see the man off. He avoided looking at the Lieutenant as he approached them but put on a smile. "Good night, Captain. I quite hope you enjoyed yourself this evening." Abbie smiled indulgently as Irving glanced at her, the Captain never quite comfortable with his formality but appreciating the man's earnestness all the same. Irving opened the front door. "I did, thanks. You two have a great Christmas." Ichabod dipped his head in military affirmation, the idea of spending the blessed holiday alone with the Lieutenant, mere hours ago an exciting prospect, now beginning to turn his stomach sour. "Merry Christmas, sir," Abbie called out as he headed down the porch steps. A loud whistle rang out as she closed and locked the door, and they turned in tandem to see Joe and Jenny, their last remaining guests, smiling broadly at them. Confused, Ichabod glanced down at Abbie, who returned his questioning look, and they turned back to the duo. "What?" Jenny's smile widened, and she pointed above them. "You're standing under the mistletoe," she sing-songed in response. Abbie peered heavenward as Ichabod's eyebrow arched up. God’s wounds, of all nights… He could’ve wished this a thousand times over, anytime, day or night. Except tonight. How had no one else gotten caught under the vine? He briefly wondered if the duo had set them up. "Go on," Joe encouraged enthusiastically. "It's tradition." Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Abbie angle towards him, her expression wondering and... hopeful? Must be the rum, he thought, sure she couldn't be all that interested in dallying with him under the mistletoe. Besides, he'd tried this scheme once before and she'd handily brushed him aside. He didn't think he could handle her rejection tonight. Miss Jenny's eyes bugged wide as she nodded towards Abbie, and Master Joe, still smiling like the proverbial cat that ate the canary, egged him on with a happily condescending "Don't be shy." Ichabod longed to return to the confidence he felt mere hours ago, before he realized the Lieutenant's interest might reside in another. Instead, he felt unsure and afraid of her dismissal, even as he knew he'd be more than willing to fulfill tradition's demand if she were amenable, despite the fact that they had an amused audience. He swallowed hard, steeling himself, and turned to face her. Her eyes danced merrily at him, the fun of the party not yet worn off, and the look on her face nearly took his breath away. She stared at him hopefully, lips parted slightly, the corners of her mouth lifted up in the early stages of one of those smiles that froze him in place. What he wouldn't give... His heart beat wildly, even as it ached and screamed at him to flee. But she looked so pleased at the prospect before them, so beautiful in the soft glow from the lit candles and Christmas lights adorning the room that he could hardly resist. The setting seemed perfect: warm from the rum, frosted lighting setting the mood, the Lieutenant staring at him expectantly and eager and so beautiful it made his heart ache. Why then did he hesitate so? How had witnessing one encounter of her with another man send him into fits of self-doubt? He really would need to revisit that later. At the moment, his Lieutenant stared up at him, and if he didn't know any better, he'd call that longing in her eyes. "Lieutenant?" He asked her permission on a soft exhale, needing her approval before he'd ever make so intimate a move. It didn't matter that he'd dreamed of this moment for years now, that he'd envisioned myriad ways this momentous event would occur. He would never step over boundaries she felt uncomfortable crossing; he loved and respected her too much. "If you're going to kiss me, you might as well call me Abbie," she commanded softly, that playful smile still tugging at her lips. Those lips that'd teased and taunted him nearly every day for years without ceasing looked luscious and full and as red as the blood pounding furiously through his veins. She was stunning, all smooth dark skin, feminine features, sultry gaze, and quiet confidence, anticipating his next move. He absently drummed the fingers of one hand against his thigh, overcome by her proximity, her encouragement, her downright anticipation. Was this actually happening? That after worrying half the night about not living up to what she deserved, he—not some other suitor of hers—stood next to her under the mistletoe with their closest friends encouraging them to lock lips? And she appeared excited about it? He made himself move before the moment passed, doubt and affection warring within him, creating a maelstrom of wanton confusion, even as she gazed at him longingly. "Abbie," he whispered obediently, his gaze flicking down to her perfect lips as he slowly leaned in, his eyes dropping closed as his mouth finally, wonderfully, touched hers. He kissed her tentatively, softly, gentle in his respectful way, and he reveled in the feel of her plump lips against his, the realization of a million dreams sending his mind reeling, his heart free-floating into oblivion. She felt like fire, his lips burning deliciously where they met hers, liquid heat running through his veins as shivers tingled down his spine. Somewhere beyond them he heard a door slam shut, but he couldn't be bothered by it with Abbie's mouth attached to his. He didn't plan on moving for a while, maybe ever. She shuffled closer to him, her hands landing against his ribs and sliding achingly slow up his chest as her mouth pressed more firmly against his. She moved against him, the intensity, her urgency leaving his body thrumming and aflame, and he sunk into the moment, drowning in her. Her tongue slipped between his lips, and he heard a moan escape, though he couldn't be sure if it came from her or himself. Sensations swirled around and inside of him, more than he'd felt in centuries, and he put his hands on Abbie's hips, inviting her closer to him as he settled into the rhythm they'd found. She waited until she was starving for air before slowly easing away from him, her eyelids fluttering open to see him frozen in place, eyes still closed, a look of wonder on his handsome face. "Abbie," he whispered again before slowly opening his eyes to peer down at her in wonder. A satisfied smile graced her face. "I was wondering if you were ever going to do that." "Mmm," he hummed absently, still trying to restart his brain. She'd done a factory reset on him with her lips and tongue. His eyes went wide as her words finally found traction. "You were?" he heard himself murmur breathily above the sound of blood thrumming through his ears. She nodded, the pleased smile on her just-kissed lips nearly making his knees weak. "Wondering...and hoping," she admitted. "But I thought..." He'd started talking before he realized what he was about to say and forced himself into silence before he made a village idiot of himself, sans village. She tilted her head questioningly. "You thought what?" With his head still swimming, he couldn't decipher a way out of the corner he'd walked himself into, so he forged ahead with the God's honest truth. "I thought you might prefer...a more modern gentleman." Her quizzical—and if he wasn't mistaken, curiously amused—look remained, and she stayed silent, waiting for him to continue. He forged again, sure if he’d had all his wits about him this conversation would not be taking place. "You know, more like your friend, the new lieutenant?" He attempted nonchalance but failed, and she smiled knowingly. "Ah, you mean Mark." Though the warmth from her kiss still burned his lips, her use of the man’s given name irked him. "Yes," he agreed with a clipped tone. "Mr. Mu—Mr. Mark." She inhaled a breath. "He does have the modern thing going for him,” she admitted, nodding thoughtfully. “And he’s easy on the eyes. Though I doubt his wife would be too happy if we started something up.”

“His wife,” he murmured in confusion, the notion of Mr. Muscular having a wife never having crossed his mind.

“Not to mention…I don’t make it a habit of dating married men.”

She looked at him pointedly, and the realization that she’d pined for him as long as he’d desired her washed over him like an overwhelming, cleansing tide. At times he’d wondered, hoped that what she’d just admitted could be true, but they hadn’t looked back after he’d returned from Scotland, and so had never spoken of their long-standing feelings towards one another. Though never in her presence, Master Corbin and Miss Jenny often teased him about the Lieutenant and…and where had those two gotten off to anyway?

He looked to where they’d last stood, but he saw no sign of them.

“Do you think they planned this?” he asked distractedly, realizing it was a clumsy attempt to change the subject.

“If they did, we should be thanking them, but nevermind them. If you’re going to get distracted, it should be like this.”

And with that, she took hold of his lapels and pulled him down to kiss her again.

[bigskydreaming]

Wait, Wanda's not a mutant?

The short answer is she was, but then she wasn’t, but then she was again. But then she wasn’t again. So she’s not, but like, only right now. She will be again, probably. 

No but the longer answer goes hand in hand with the retcons about her and Pietro’s parentage, and them being Magneto’s kids or not. Really just goes back to the film rights. Because she and Pietro are as attached to the Avengers in the comics as they are the X-books, when Marvel sold the X-Men film rights to Fox but kept the Avengers rights, there was a clause in the contracts that basically resulted in Fox and Marvel Studios sharing those two characters, based on the fact that they were as associated with the one franchise as they were with the other. BUT Marvel Studios just got to use their characters, nothing associated with Magneto or mutants as a whole, since those rights were exclusively designated to Fox....which is why in the MCU, the twins aren’t Magneto’s kids and they came up with another source for their powers. 

Marvel has a tendency to like, reverse engineer changes to the comic books from what they do with the movies even though the comics are the ultimate source material. Because despite numerous impact studies about superhero movies in which its pretty conclusively been proven that there’s no sizable funneling of new readers from movie-going audiences, since the reason for comic books’ relatively finite readership compared to adaptations in different media is not and has never been a lack of interest in the material or characters, but just that comic books as a medium just inherently don’t appeal to everyone and all aligning of adaptations with the source books in the world is never going to change that fact BUT WHATEVER.....like lol, point is, despite that being consistently proven Marvel still keeps changing their books to match their movies and that’s pretty universally pointed to as the reason behind the latest retcon behind the twins’ parentage and powers. 

It was just ironic that due to the time lag in production on both the comic book and movie-making front, pretty much the second that latest retcon hit the comic books, Marvel Studios got back the film rights to the X-Men and mutants and so like, it all became wholly unnecessary anyway. Which means that its almost inevitable that at some point in the future - probably whenever they introduce mutants/the X-Men to the MCU which almost certainly will include some kind of a reboot to the MCU as a whole, either hard or soft - like, its almost certain this retcon will eventually be retconned and the twins will someday be mutants and Magneto’s kids again. Its more a matter of when, not if. 

Likely the second we hear about Magneto making his film debut, watch the comic books for The Retconning Part Two: The Retcon Strikes Back.

[misscrawfords]

Just got back from watching Emma and...

I LOVED IT.

I had a smile on my face for 95% of the movie and the 5% when I wasn’t smiling was only because it wouldn’t have been appropriate. It was genuinely hilarious, visually stunning, the script is 98% pure Austen, and while I was sceptical going in, Johnny Flynn absolutely is Mr. Knightley.

(here be spoilers)

I can’t think of another adaptation of Austen that is so verbally faithful to the novel without being dull. The 80s adaptations lifted chunks of text from the novels but lacked pace and verve. The 90s kept some and changed some and the 2000s and 2010s have shown a trend for changing the dialogue and modernising it. This adaptation put a big block in this trend and went for pure Austenian dialogue. It was perhaps the most striking thing about the film for me. I was hard for me to judge how well that worked because I’m so familiar with the text but I wonder what someone who didn’t know the book and wasn’t familiar with the language would think of it. One of my friends who hadn’t read Emma before still loved it though.

I was really blown away by Johnny Flynn’s Mr. Knightley. He absolutely captured his blunt gentlemanliness and down-to-earthness and his awareness of and frustration with the staginess surrounding him and his affection for and sometimes despair of Emma. It was a very stagy production - characters and servants moving around each other in perfect choreography like a dance, eyes shooting to one another, lines well-enunciated, but Mr. Knightley always felt natural within that and I think that’s a clever reflection of the book, where everyone is very much playing a part - apart from him. The film nicely captured the pretence of the society and the cracks in the performances when characters were alone and unguarded until it breaks down completely at Box Hill.

One thing I really liked was how when you first see Jane Fairfax, I thought “Eh, she’s not much”, she was just silent and plainly dressed and quite pale, but then later she plays the piano stunningly and suddenly I was like “WOW she’s beautiful and elegant” and I think that is exactly what Jane Fairfax is like.

They really fleshed Harriet out and made her far more 3D and sympathetic than in any other adaptation I’d seen before. You get a real sense of her character at the beginning of the story and how she changes and you really genuinely had investment in her and Robert Martin which was... not something I expected.

Mrs. Elton was perfect.

Miss Bates was perfect.

My boyfriend John Knightley existed and was so done with his life so that was good.

Box Hill was... oh my goodness, I was almost hiding under my seat from second hand embarrassment. Aaargh! Which means it was good.

The ball at the Crown... Everything about that was executed perfectly and probably the best dancing I’ve seen in a period drama since the Netherfield Ball in 1995.

I think Anya Taylor-Joy was... good. I didn’t feel 100% convinced by her in depths of Emma’s character - I think she played her rather superficially, but there were moments of insight and I don’t quarrel with her, though I suspect that most of the work was Austen and the script rather than the actress’ tbh.

So was there anything I didn’t like?

Not precisely, but there were definitely things I’d do differently.

I think there was a strong bias towards the first half of the story and towards Harriet’s story over Frank and Jane’s. I loved what they did with Harriet but I think it came at the expense of Frank and Jane. There was plenty cut and a little rushed there and I wish the full weight of what Frank had done had been conveyed as well as more of Emma’s conflicted feelings towards him. You never really felt that Emma had felt anything for him at all once she had met him so Mrs. Weston and Mr. Knightley being concerned about the news of his engagement came as a bit of a surprise. And the suspicions of Frank and Emma was set up but never really went anywhere. I wanted to see Frank and Emma being cruel more consistently - there was only really one scene of it. And there was nothing of Jane becoming a governess. Anyway, I think some weight was lost there because the events of the second half of the book felt condensed in comparison to the amount of time spent on establishing characters and plots at the beginning. And Callum Turner really didn’t do much for me as Frank - I think Rupert Evans in 2009 was a much better Frank. Though admittedly he didn’t have much to work with.

The nosebleed - I don’t think it worked. Come on, I wanted Emma to give Mr. Knightley an answer. Is this a playful nod to her saying “just what a lady ought”? Perhaps, but it rang false and an inappropriate moment for bathos. I was a bit annoyed at that, the only place in the film.

I’m not sure about Bill Nighy as Mr. Woodhouse. I mean, he’s Bill Nighy so he was hilarious, but was he book!Mr. Woodhouse? Not exactly. He was quite clearly in rude health! But then again, that made his hypochondria and difficulties more glaringly obvious. Though honestly every single adaptation has made Mr. Woodhouse way too old. Even if married late, we’re still suggesting that he had Emma when he was about 50 which seems a little implausible.

I think overall it was a production that valued frivolity and style over substance though it certainly gave some great chemistry between Emma and Mr Knightley and gave us the most interesting and well-developed relationship between Emma and Harriet that I’ve seen in any adaptation. In terms of Austen adaptations I feel that in approach it sits somewhere between Love and Friendship and the BBC Pride and Prejudice - the focus on humour and staginess was right out of Love and Friendship and the type of dialogue, costuming, restrained romance with bursts of period appropriate bedroom scenes reminded me more of the BBC P&P than any other adaptation. Whether these things are a positive or negative for you will depend on how you view those adaptations and what you want from your Austen films. It was 2 hours long and I wish Frank and Jane and that entire plot had been given more development but I think they did pretty well considering it was a feature film. However, despite its flaws, the experience of watching it was just utterly joyous and I really believe it was made with love and respect for its source material and I came out of it on a massive high!

[koltarmi]

A Truth Universally Acknowledged - Chapter 4

Read it on AO3.

Okay, so I know the last time I updated was almost three years ago, but a pandemic does weird things. This has been sitting in my files forever, so I might as well post it. Maybe more to come if I the mood for writing strikes?

_____________________________________________________

Orson Krennic.

Jyn examined the picture of the man on her laptop. His perfect corporate smile held a sinister edge to it.

‘So monsters do have names,’ she thought.

She had run directly back to the apartment after leaving the exhibition hall, sending a quick text to Bodhi that she wasn't feeling well.

She had locked herself in her room and pulled out her laptop to find anything she could about the man.

The few results that had turned up were disappointing. Jyn found articles that sung his praise as a genius inventor and businessman. There was a short blurb about his accomplishments on the Empire’ s page about executive members.

There was no mention about her parents, the lab they had worked in, or the project they had worked on. His name was never mentioned in the court case. After all, she had read it enough times to know it by heart.

Despite all of it, Jyn knew with certainty that Orson Krennic was involved with the deadly project and he had somehow escaped scot-free.

She considered filming a vlog to make sense of everything, but quickly dismissed the idea. Unexpectedly, talking about her life in the vlogs had become almost second-nature to her. She found the messy thoughts in her head seemed to finally make sense when she was in front of the camera and talking to her audience.

No wonder people liked going to therapy.

Some soft knocking on her door pulled her out of her thoughts.

Bodhi peered through the door. “Jyn, why are you sitting in the dark?”

Jyn looked around, just noticing that the sun had set some time ago. “Research?”

Bodhi squinted at her, as if narrowing his field of view would help him see through Jyn’s lies.

Jyn sighed and set aside her laptop, carefully angling it so her roommate would not see her the results of her obsessive internet search. “I’m so sorry, Bodhi. I felt this sudden nausea and I just couldn't stay in there anymore.”

He nodded. “I just want to know if you're alright.”

“Perfectly fine,” she replied. There was no reason to worry Bodhi with her newfound information. Jyn asked Bodhi how the rest of the convention was. Thankfully, he had plenty to say and the topic of Jyn’s sudden sickness was dropped.

__________________________________

To Jyn's great misfortune, it appeared that Cassian Andor had become a permanent fixture in Baze’s cafe. He frequented it even without Chirrut tagging along to flirt with Baze.

“He just sits in the corner and scowls,” Jyn said to her camera which was recording her latest vlog. “He’s probably the type of person who spends hours at Starbucks writing his screenplay. I mean who wears a bowtie and a newsboy cap? The man  also once wore a god forsaken scarf in the middle of summer. ”

A small part of Jyn was aware that making fun of his fashion choices was petty. Before any feelings of regret or guilt could sink in, she would remember his callous words at the wedding. He was stuck-up, cold, and rude to everyone except Chirrut or Kay.

To Jyn, that was more than enough to justify her thoughts of him.

Her viewers, however, seemed to have a different idea.

ACxHaley721 - i know it’s kinda weird but does anyone else kinda ship jyn and cass?

              ktash - SAME

            Jess04 - mE TOO!!!!!

         kkcecex - I’m not saying enemies to lovers trope, butttttttt… ;)

    sayohwell6 - YO, JUST SEARCHED UP CASSIAN ON GOOGLE. HE’S HOT AF.

  Joan Walsh - omG what’s their ship name?

        Maria L - It’s gotta be Jyssian!

Jyn stared blankly at the comment thread. This had to have been some sort of joke. She had expressed nothing except hatred and contempt for Cassian Andor. How could these people possibly think that she could be in a romantic relationship with Cassian? She couldn’t even stand being in the same room as the man.

Jyn forced a half-hearted laugh and closed the tab, dismissing the ridiculous comments.

____________________________________

After the fifth day in a row with an empty inbox, Cassian caved and called Leia.

“Are you sure there isn’t anything I can work on?” Cassian pleaded. Even the sight of the San Francisco skyline from her office couldn’t soothe his restlessness

Leia sighed. “Cassian, everything is fine down here. Need I remind you that you’re on vacation?”

Before he could even protest, Leia looked at him sharply. "You want this company to succeed?"

"Of cour-"

"Do you trust me?"

"Yes, Leia I-"

"Then wouldn't you agree that for a company to succeed it's CEO shouldn't die at the age of 29 from a stress-induced heart attack?"

Cassian kept his mouth shut.

Leia smiled. "Glad we had this talk. Why don't you go out to that coffee shop you've been visiting daily?"

Cassian blinked in surprise. "Have you been asking Kay to report on me?"

"For your own good," she replied. Leia's eyes drifted to left of her screen as she furiously began typing something out on another tab. "It is odd though..."

"What?" he asked.

"Kay says you've been visiting the shop everyday, but I know you only drink coffee when you're working overtime or on a big project."

Cassian hesitated before he said, "They have good tea."

Leia refocused her gaze on him. "It's summer."

"Iced tea," he amended.

She leaned back in her chair and hummed. "Jyn Erso is certainly an interesting name for an iced tea."

Cassian froze at the name. "How does Kay..." He drifted off mid-sentence before realizing his mistake. "Chirrut told you."

"In my defense, I didn't ask. He just told me."

Cassian sighed. It seemed his plan to dissuade Chirrut from playing matchmaker had failed.

"I would love to meet this woman who can make you so flustered. I feel like we would be great friends," Leia said with a grin.

"Except you can't do that because you have to stay in San Francisco to take care of Pemberley," Cassian said. "You and Chirrut working together to meddle in my romantic life would be a nightmare."

Leia smirked. "Oh, so you do like her in a romantic sense?"

Cassian groaned.

"So have you asked her on a date yet?"

"Of course not!" he spluttered.

Leia shook her head in disappointment. "You poor awkward soul. From Kay and Chirrut's messages, you seem to like this girl a lot, despite being unable to hold a conversation with her. Want some advice?"

"Not really."

"Just start simple. Buy her a coffee and ask about her interests. Maybe you'll find something in common."

Cassian finally looked back up at his screen. "Is Han doing well?"

The silence stretched between them before Leia said she had an important email to finish and hastily ended the video call.

[maryflowerw]

Spencer and Hepburn

Find yourself the parallels.

Each and every great love story is unique. Though the message of true, passionate, undying love is constant, the tale of how this is reached is undoubtedly individual, and there is most certainly no ‘right or wrong’. Some love stories, perhaps, at the time, do not conform to what society describes as a ‘proper’ relationship — but years later, while looking back at the details and circumstance, it is discovered to be an undeniably great love story . . .

The romance of Spencer Tracy & Katharine Hepburn is one such story. Never confirmed publicly until years after Spencer’s death, their romance was an affair — but what makes it truly special is the fact that is spanned 27 years.

Spencer Tracy was the man of the moment — a top paid, much sought-after Hollywood actor. He was a terrifically hard worker — throughout his entire career making 75 films — and also a terrifically hard ‘player’. He enjoyed frequent nights out on the town and would never turn down a dry martini. It was during the filming of Woman of the Year that he met, who would ultimately be his soul mate, Katharine Hepburn.

Perhaps it was this amicable beginning which lead them to immediately become so fond of each other — within one week they were calling each other ‘Spence’ & ‘Kate’, and would eat their lunch exclusively together in the parking lot of the studio, holding hands and talking and laughing. Though never discussed, the cast and crew knew to let them be — this was their private time together.

Although their bond was instantly recognizable, Spencer, however, was married to actress Louise Treadwell, and despite a public and mutual ‘trial separation’, he refused to confirm the affair, and as a devout Catholic, did not officially divorce Louise, despite their long estrangement.

Though their relationship was never confirmed, they were announced as a ‘couple’ by the media, and the public adored them. Careful never to be photographed together, except for promotional film photographs, they always stood steadfast by their statement that they were not romantically linked — but the sheer fact that they made nine films together, and the very obvious chemistry between them in each and every one, kept the world in doubt of their claims.

A decade into their marriage (Spencer and Louise’s) , gossip began to swirl that the Tracys had separated. Confirming a trial parting, and attributing it to growing incompatibility and nothing more, Spencer told reporters: ‘If there is any blame to be attached, it is mine. Mrs Tracy and I are still excellent friends, and perhaps living apart for a while will lead to a reunion.’   But, Spencer told his friend Humphrey Bogart, he didn’t think he could go through with it. ‘What could I say to Johnny?’ he said. ‘How could I make a nine-year-old little boy understand that I’m leaving his mother?’

In 1963, after years of partying, drinking and smoking, Spencer was hospitalized following a ‘severe attack of breathlessness’. After his release from hospital, Katharine moved into his house and cared for him around the clock. Over the next few years, his health improved and declined like a rollercoaster, but during a notably ‘better’ time in 1967, he was able to make his last film with Katharine, Guess Who’s Coming For Dinner.

Out of respect for Spencer & Louise’s two children, and for the fact that the two were legally still married, despite the many years of separation, and also, in an effort to not draw any negative media attention at a time of such sorrow, Katharine did not attend Spencer’s funeral service. However, she would later mention that she did follow the hearse on a six-mile journey through the streets of Los Angles, pulling away just as it arrived at the church.

“I loved Spencer Tracy. I would have done anything for him.” –Katharine Hepburn

In 1993 she appeared in an autobiographical television documentary, "Katharine Hepburn: All About Me," made for the TNT cable network. She began: "So this is about Katharine Hepburn, public, private. Can you tell which is which?" She added, laughing, "Sometimes I wonder myself."

For most of her life, the public thought she had never married. In fact, in 1928 she married Ludlow Ogden Smith, a member of a wealthy Pennsylvania family. She immediately made him change his name to S. Ogden Ludlow, partly because she didn't want to be known as Kate Smith. They led separate lives long before their divorce in 1934.

It was in "Pat and Mike" that Tracy spoke the often-quoted line about Miss Hepburn's figure, "Not much meat on her, but what's there is `cherce.' "

Miss Hepburn often said Tracy was the best actor she had ever known and compared him in complimentary terms to a baked potato: solid, substantial stuff. "He's meat and potatoes, meat and potatoes," she would say. "I'm more like a fancy French dessert, I'm a little bit fancy, aren't I? But I wish I were meat and potatoes."

Her most striking television appearance was not in a dramatic role, but in a 1986 tribute to Spencer Tracy. Speaking openly about their relationship at last, she read a letter she had written to him, which she later included in her autobiography. She recalled their last years together, when he was ill and had trouble sleeping, and she would sit on the floor by his side and talk. 

“Enemies are so stimulating.“  KH

“If you’re given a choice between money and sex appeal, take the money. As you get older, the money will become your sex appeal.“ KH

A few days after Tracy’s funeral, the phone rang at Louise’s home. It was Katharine Hepburn, who had nursed her lover through his final months and been with him at her home when he died.

‘You know, Louise, you and I can be friends,’ said Hepburn. ‘You knew him at the beginning, I at the end. I might be a help with the kids.’ (John and Susie were at that point 42 and 34 respectively.)

‘Well, yes,’ Louise said, pausing for emphasis. ‘But you see, I thought you were only a rumour …’

The shot hit its mark with deadly accuracy. Hepburn raged later: ‘After nearly 30 years, a rumour?’

‘What could be the answer to that?’

‘It was,’ she later wrote, ‘a deep and fundamental wound, deeply set, never to be budged. ‘Almost 30 years Spence and I had known each other, through good and bad times. Some rumour.

‘And by never admitting I existed, she remained the wife. She sent out the Christmas cards.

‘Spencer, the guilty one. She, the sufferer. I had not broken up their marriage. That happened long before I arrived on the scene.’

And when Louise died in 1983, the recipient of numerous awards for her tireless charity work, she had been, and forever remained, the one and only Mrs Spencer Tracy.

[rkariel]

❝ ( 김민지 ) ARIEL   —    3월         ✦

                                          ☽ ✧ ECLIPSE IDOL SCHEDULE : MARCH

처음에는   —

her confidence is at a moderate level considering that katie lee spoke of her high notes in a somewhat positive, at least it’s definitely not negative sort of way   —   she’ll take what she can get to be honest, especially from their ceo who seems particularly fond of tough love, almost ironic considering the symbol most associated with the company. but she does think people overlook how much love there is in the type of tough love katie lee shows them ( not to mention how traditional it is, if we’re being completely honest ), herself included 

being told to turn smiles into smirks is a bit more alarming than she would’ve thought   —   mostly because she is a very smiley performer. it’s what she struggles most and one of the reasons she thinks she isn’t that good at dancing   —   she would personally prefer to delve into a more fanservice-like performance, smiling and making cute gestures 

 hearing of a comeback date is exciting to say the least   —   it feels like a second debut considering their double concept and though they’re not shooting out of town for the mv this time, at least from what she can tell, she looks forward to what the visual boards will be, how the scenes will turn out, why the 8th turns out to focus more on acting and mastering their expressions. her passion for acting comes out more this month and she’s even more thrilled by what awaits them for the mv filming 

16  + 17일   —

going into the recording for chase me, she holds onto the words of katie lee and believes in herself when it comes to each note, each take. even when it earns approval, she asks for another attempt, and another, and another. no matter how many she’s asked to do first, once she gets it, she still thinks she can do better 

recording the next day for mayday and trust me go fairly similar but at a significantly faster pace and she’d wonder why if it wasn’t for the process everyone had gone through already with chase me. the tone is set, the vibe is different, the songs are night compared to what they’d recorded for their debut   —   her excitement starts to change little by little ; what do the aesthetics of the album look like, she realizes she hadn’t asked herself much about that yet, hadn’t made the connection that it could be horror themed 

18일   —

by choice, she’d kept her hair black for so long, wanting to preserve its condition especially after the process of keeping it red years ago. light shades of brown were easier to maintain but black was certainly the easiest, the healthiest option to focus on a full recovery from bleach and color. 

she didn’t think her hair would be kept black for every concept but part of her had hoped   —   this shade of brown does suit her rather well though and she’s pleased with it. curiosity strikes and she wonders who’ll have the first bolder color, what concept it would be for, whether or not they’d like it because she feels bad about haseul’s dislike for her short hair. even yeri, she thinks that the maknae looked so beautiful with blonde hair, it suits her personality, but it also suits the day side more. that thought leads her into an odd one and what she hopes wouldn’t happen   —   for all of them to go blonde at once. she might have to hold haseul’s hand in the salon if that happens. 

20일   —

from the moment she found out about it, she’s been itching to play. when she’s told she doesn’t have to, ariel refrains from laughing because she can’t wait to try. games like this are among her favorites, great for hands that are equally as restless as her mind. 

in the downtime of filming, she would often reach for haseul’s or blue’s hand, feeling particularly affectionate ( and still restless ) despite playing the game 

genuinely thinks it’s fun to be filming one of the commercials for the game and that it’s doubly as exciting to do so as eclipse, as one of the artists included in the game   —  that part is just surreal to her, their songs are part of a kt mobile game with their sunbaes like son dambi, chichi, and lc9 

22일   —

see solo here ! 

tl;dr   —   although she really likes the song and the styling for the mv, she worries about suiting the horror concept but finds comfort in the fact that it’ll attest to their versatility, their potential, and she’s particularly happy they’re all together like this so close to their 100th day 

24 + 25일   —

seeing the storyboards for the mv surprises her; she’s happy to have another opportunity to show off some acting and it seems really fun, but the horror concept. she gets hung up on it again for a moment but it’s subtle, that kind of creepy that slowly gives you goosebumps, that gradually gives rise to the chill up your back, and, admittedly, she thinks that type of scary is the worst kind   —   

turns out that makes it very fun to film and she’s apologizing to the male actor after thanking him, telling him that she and the girls aren’t normally this scary, but also she hopes he’s not actually scared ( but if he is, she’d feel a little proud at the same time ) 

her fondness of acting comes back to her and she hopes they get to film more mvs like this where they get to act out storylines and follow a central theme / plot 

love whisper had been cute and sweet but the story felt more so like a day with friends whereas this one is more mysterious 

more references !

current hair: long, straight / wavy, brown 

currently playing: chase me demo vers. 

                                                     ( just a little bit of your ♡  )   —  

can’t forget !

yeri’s 🎂🎁🎈

21st   —   wardrobe fittings at kt 

happy 100 days eclipse !!!!!!!!!!!!! 

teasers starting march 28th !! 

[theteablogger]

Andy writ large

Several people have sent me links to the New Yorker article in which Ian Parker exposes author/editor Dan Mallory as having lied, gaslighted people, and engaged in other manipulative behaviors for many years in order to further his career. When confronted, Mallory tried to blame it all on mental illness. Anons have been discussing this on tf-talk and FFA, noting that Mallory sounds a lot like "the prestige drama version of Thanfiction", and I have to agree. I've written several times in the past about people who reminded me and others of Andy (Aiden Sinclair/Richard Outhier, Travis Aaron Wade, Kevin Spacey, Teri Hoffman and Tyler Deaton), and the similarities in this case are even more striking than any of those. So here are the things that stood out to me in Parker's article. This is a pretty long list, so I've broken it down into several sections for readability.

Generally manipulative behavior:

Tom Scott described Mallory, at their first meeting, as being self-assured and nonchalant in a way that (to me, as a reader) seemed studied. He also said that Mallory casually bragged about his success in a way that left him feeling charmed rather than nonplussed or annoyed. This matches up with several accounts I've read of people’s first impressions of Andy when he was in the LotR fandom.

Both Andy and Dan Mallory tend to get personal with strangers quickly and to overshare – e.g., the "lighthearted debate" at a festival in which Mallory abruptly got serious and spoke frankly (lying) about his alleged history of ECT. This kind of oversharing tends to elicit sympathy from listeners and to make them feel that this person is being genuine and vulnerable with them, which makes them more inclined to open up in turn. This is something that Andy was doing as recently as last year, but he misjudged his audience some of the time and they just found it off-putting.

They frequently engage in self-deprecating humor, which is endearing and encourages others to let down their guard. These days, Andy incorporates glib, jokey references to his past into this part of his shtick (e.g., "someday over a glass of wine, I'll tell you about the time I accidentally started a hobbit cult"), so it also serves to inoculate listeners against anything negative they might hear about him from other people.

Both tend to zero in on and exploit good-natured people who give others the benefit of the doubt.

Both pride themselves on (and brag about) using charisma and "wit" to talk their way into places/situations for which they are underqualified, that they can't afford, etc. See Andy’s remarks about getting "gorgeous service" at high-end boutiques based on charisma alone, and the commencement speech in which Mallory bragged about talking his way into a thesis program without doing the qualifying work.

These men hate to be in anything that could be construed as a subordinate role, although this is one area in which Andy is arguably more subtle than Dan Mallory.

Both enjoy hiding in plain sight—in Mallory’s case, through his novel.

Both have long histories of engaging in gaslighting, lying, and manipulation for their own benefit and/or entertainment.

Acquaintances have described both men's behavior as performative and calculating.

Neither could let go of their former victims, but instead kept contacting them to try and draw them back in—Andy did this with Abbey after she left him in Virginia, and Mallory did this with his former colleagues in London.

Lying liars who lie:

Both men have lied repeatedly and extensively about their physical and mental health histories, and can't be bothered to keep their stories straight. In Andy’s case, this has included claiming various psychiatric diagnoses with symptoms corresponding to their Hollywood portrayals, telling stories about allergic reactions and injuries that were wildly exaggerated at best, and more. Mallory told ever-changing stories of psychiatric treatments that worked either very well or not at all, blamed his chronic lying on Bipolar II (a claim that would be ludicrous if it weren't so offensive), repeatedly claimed to have brain tumors and/or cancer, and told a variety of lies over the years about family members' illnesses and deaths that never happened.

Both have lied about having mysterious, incurable ailments that would definitely kill them within a set number of years—which was prone to change—but that conveniently didn't stop Mallory from working when he felt like it, or Andy from traveling anywhere his friends would pay for.

Each of them has told a multitude of easily disprovable lies about his education, his family, and his personal history.

Both claimed to have been abused as children, though Andy told long, graphically detailed stories about it and Mallory doesn’t seem to have gone further than making an implication.

Each has lied about a younger sibling's identity: Mallory impersonated his brother in a long series of emails to former colleagues about his alleged ill health, and Andy told his friends that his sister was responsible for everything he'd done to people as Amy Player.

Both have inadvertently revealed themselves via verbal, syntactical, or spelling idiosyncrasies when impersonating others online.

Both impersonated other people to chronicle their fake or severely exaggerated illnesses and to describe their plucky/humorous behavior during alleged hospital stays.

Both faked accents—Andy was "Irish" and Mallory was "British".

Both have claimed, directly and by implication, to have connections and insider knowledge of Hollywood, the film industry, and/or screenwriting.

Aside from all the outright lies they've told, both men have engaged in lies of omission, deliberately not correcting others' misunderstandings or misperceptions about them.

When their lies were exposed, both claimed that their accusers were lying because they were sexually attracted to them and had either been rejected (as Mallory said of the CEO of a publishing house), or were disturbed by the attraction (as Andy said of Turimel).

Both tend to double down when confronted about an obvious lie, and then try to steer the conversation to other topics.

Miscellany:

Each is the eldest son of affluent parents.

Mallory's fascination with Tom Ripley is reminiscent of Andy's admiration of Frank Abagnale.

Both were involved in their college theatre departments. For Andy, this is true of his attendance at VCU, at Thomas Nelson Community College, and at Christopher Newport University almost twenty years ago. (I’m not sure what he did at George Mason. He wasn't there for long.)

The work of both men is, shall we say, "derivative". In Andy's case, this applies more to his art. I am not familiar with Mallory's work other than The Woman in the Window and a handful of quotations from essays and e-mails he's written, but it appears that in TWW, he may have ripped off a novel by Sarah A. Denzil that was published six months before he started trying to sell his book, and has almost certainly ripped off "Copycat", a movie from 1995 (see New Yorker article).

Mallory’s focus on process and strategy in writing, the way his own voice overwhelms that of the narrator, and Parker's description of TWW as "a thriller excited about getting away with writing a thriller" all reminded me of the experience of reading DAYD and the way Andy has often talked about writing and storycraft.

Many former associates of each man were at least somewhat aware of how sketchy they were, but were unable or unwilling to call them out.

A surprising number of people, despite knowing they've been lied to repeatedly and at great length, still like both of them quite a lot.

Both Andy's and Dan Mallory's parents seem like kind, decent people who love their sons and want to believe the best of them.

Specific lines from the "New Yorker" article that made me think of Andy:

A former colleague on Mallory: "'If there was something that he wanted and there was a way he could position himself to get it, he would. If there was a story to tell that would help him, he would tell it.'"

"He’d begin with rapturous flattery…and then shift to self-regard. He wittily skewered acquaintances and seemed always conscious of his physical allure."

Author Sophie Hannah: "Mallory 'renewed my creative energy,' she said. He had a knack for 'giving feedback in the form of praise for exactly the things I’m proud of.'"

"Speaking in Colorado last January, Mallory quoted a passage from Kay Redfield Jamison’s memoir, 'An Unquiet Mind,' in which she describes repeatedly confronting the social wreckage caused by her bipolar episodes—knowing that she had 'apologies to make.' … In more recent public appearances, Mallory seems to have dropped this reference to wreckage. Instead, he has accepted credit for his courage in bringing up his mental suffering, and he has foregrounded his virtues."

Mallory: "It's been horrific, not least because, in my distress, I did or said or believed things I would never ordinarily say, or do, or believe—things of which, in many instances, I have absolutely no recollection."

[eggoreviews]

20 Dream Games for the Playstation Classic!

The PS1 Classic came out last year. Everyone got excited for a minute, but then we found out it was missing almost everything! Here’s my personal list of the 20 games I reckon should’ve been included. I’ll stick to one per franchise to keep it fair, but I might have to break that rule once. Hope you enjoy/agree!

Note: This is just my opinion. There might be some ones you don’t agree with, and I might have cut some ones from the original lineup you liked. Sorry in advance lol

Before I kick off the list, thought I’d briefly list off the games I cut from the Classic’s actual lineup:

Battle Arena Toshinden

Cool Boarders 2

Destruction Derby

Intelligent Qube

Jumping Flash

Mr. Driller

Oddworld: Abe’s Oddysee

Resident Evil (you’ll see why)

Ridge Racer Type 4

Super Puzzle Fighter II Turbo

Syphon Filter

Tom Clancy’s Rainbow Six

Twisted Metal

Wild Arms

Aight, let’s go.

1. Final Fantasy VII

The quintessential PS1 JRPG, of course FF7 had to stick around from the original lineup. Like it or loathe it, FF7 defined its console and is still highly regarded as one of the best JRPGs of all time. Playstation wouldn’t really be Playstation without this game. This was the game that pushed Final Fantasy into 3D, and firmly into the hearts and minds of players everywhere. There’s little else to say, other than that you kind of already know how iconic this one is.

2. Grand Theft Auto

The humble beginnings of a now mammoth franchise, the first entry in the now legendary GTA series was a top down weird thing that let you explore three separate cities in whatever cars you can find. While this doesn’t hold up especially well today admittedly, GTA was an important milestone, not just for its series but for its console generation and has certainly earned its iconic status to belong on the PS Classic. This one was a good choice.

3. Metal Gear Solid

Another obvious choice, MGS is where Metal Gear really became Metal Gear. Brilliantly cheesy voice acting, awesome stealth gameplay, suitably weird story and the birth of the now iconic codex screen, MGS is like the archetypal cold war film wrapped in a supremely fun package on the PS1. If this wasn’t here, there is no PS Classic and that’s just the tea.

4. Revelations: Persona

This was one I wasn’t expecting an appearance from on the PS Classic, but I’m glad it did. In my head, the beginnings of this extremely weird spin-off JRPG series is an essential piece of kit on a classic compilation. Everyone hoping to experience the best of what PS1 had to offer should probably try this one out and while it certainly isn’t for everyone, it’s certainly unforgettable and deserves its place among the rest of this lot. But hey, maybe I’m biased because I’m obsessed with Persona 5.

5. Rayman

The first in the franchise that spawned my favourite 2D platformer of all time, Rayman made his glorious start on the PS1. While some may argue that the second entry in this colourful, creative platformer series deserves the spot, I’m with Sony in giving the spot to the first instead. Despite the cringey, cliche villain name they went for, this game was innovative for its time and had its own unique art style that still holds up remarkably well today. This limbless boy has earned his place.

6. Tekken 3

The final game from the original 20 I’m carrying over into my list, my thoughts are that this compilation was in need of a traditional fighting game and Tekken 3 perfectly fits the bill. This acts as one of the most iconic fighters on the PS1, and is pretty much superior in every way to the previous two entries, bringing with it more characters, more moves to pull off and a better, smoother combat system in general. This is the perfect fighter for fans of retro and takes its place rather nicely on the classic console.

7. Oddworld: Abe’s Exoddus

Here’s the reason why I cut Abe’s Oddysee, to replace it with what is arguably its vastly superior sequel! Oddysee is still good, but for newcomers to this extremely odd platformer, the larger variety of power-ups and potential strategies is a much better pick for those unfamiliar with the franchise. To put it simply, Exoddus just holds up better today than its predecessor. Get ready for what is kind of nightmare fuel though, as the slightly unsettling imagery and character designs are bound to make you feel a little uneasy as you traverse dystopian, industrial environments as a weird amphibian thing.

8. Resident Evil 2

And, predictably, here’s why I cut the first RE, because there was no way I was leaving this franchise off my list. It was a tough one, but the second just won out. In my mind, RE2 just improved upon the first one in so many ways. While the first was a horrifying, strategic blast through an infested mansion that became one of the PS1′s defining games, RE2 took what the first one did well and built on it immeasurably. More developed characters, a fleshed out story, more unique environments to explore. Even though the map got exponentially bigger, that feeling of claustrophobia never went away and it was awesome the level of horror they could achieve with 90s graphics. As a legendary horror game, RE2′s the one I would go with.

9. Bishi Bashi Special

I know what you’re probably thinking, ‘this arsehole cut Ridge Racer but they’re making room for Uncle Bean?’ Well, hear me out. A lot of you may not have heard of Bishi Bashi Special. It’s a little known Japanese party game that is the maddest thing you will ever play. And in a classic compilation filled with iconic RPGs and the like, I felt that injecting a little chaotic madness into the mix was never gonna be a bad thing. There’s nothing on the PS1 that even comes close to the level of chaotic fun this gives you and shows the pure variety of the console’s back catalog. I’m very firm on this game’s place. Fight me about it.

10. Legacy of Kain: Soul Reaver

A hack-and-slash game with fully rendered 3D open environments, starring a kickarse silent vampire with glowy eyes. It’s a real wonder they didn’t put this on the starting lineup. For real though, Soul Reaver was ahead of its time in a lot of ways, really testing the PS1 to the limit with its graphics and control scheme. An awesome tech demo for the time that still holds up well today, but is also a solid game in general. Very worthy of this list.

11. Castlevania: Symphony of the Night

As pretty much any PS fan will tell you, this game kind of has to be here. And everyone won’t shut up about it for good reason. While Castlevania made its start on Nintendo systems with the original trilogy, it really made its mark on the industry when Symphony of the Night dropped onto the PS1 in 1997. It took what made the other games so great and built on it all, providing a sprawling platforming epic filled with collectible power-ups, hidden places to explore and a story that, at the time, defined the franchise. Many would argue that the series still hasn’t topped this entry, and as such is an essential addition that is sorely missing from the real thing.

12. Tomb Raider II

Tomb Raider is, well, iconic. I’ve used that word a lot but it’s true. Lara Croft and the franchise she belongs to are iconic, especially to the Playstation. And like Castlevania, the lack of any Tomb Raider on the Classic is almost criminal. This title encompassed everything that makes the original Tomb Raider trilogy so great, interesting puzzles and areas that require a lot of strategic thought to traverse, a decent selection of weapons and vehicles and a sense of genuine fun and adventure that runs through the whole thing. Tomb Raider is cool, and it doesn’t need much introduction. And for me, this was the most glaring omission of them all.

13. Crash Bandicoot 2: Cortex Strikes Back

While we’re on the subject of glaring omissions, here’s what was basically the PS1′s answer to Mario and Sonic, Crash Bandicoot. In particular, I’ve chosen Crash 2 because I feel it’s the best experience for new players. Crash 1, while it’s the original, is full of a load of fuckery that may put newcomers off altogether if they can’t master the jolty controls and the slightly unfair life system. Not a bad game, just not great for those new to the franchise. Crash 2 just sort of lends itself better to the classic, challenging but not too much 2D platforming the series is known for. Well-designed, aesthetically pleasing levels, consistently fun mechanics and even a story you can sort of follow. This was Crash at his best, and it needed to be here.

14. Spyro 3: Year of the Dragon

Yet another PS Classic omission that made people sad, Spyro acted as the lesser known, but still suitably iconic second mascot for the PS1. Unlike his orange counterpart, Spyro’s levels felt much less linear and were more of an explorative collectathon rather than a straight platformer. And of the original trilogy, it’s pretty safe to say that number 3 consolidated everything the first two nailed and made it as perfect as it could be. Year of the Dragon defined the series at the time, and it needed to be onboard as much as Crash.

15. Crash Team Racing

Look at me go, I’ve finally broken my franchise rule. But in this one instance, considering how wildly different the 2 Crash games are, I think we can let it slide. CTR was never really meant to happen, it was mostly just a side project for the guys at Naughty Dog to do while they still had the rights. And the result was an awesome, fast-paced and crazy experience to rival Mario Kart. Unlike Nintendo’s equivalent at the time, CTR had much heavier, clunkier feels to the karts you drove, which really made you feel like you were driving this hunk of metal. You had power-ups that kept everything interesting, shortcuts to learn and even a full-on Diddy Kong Racing style adventure mode. Guess we’ll just have to wait for the remaster to relive this one.

16. MediEvil

I’ll be honest, this was the one I was most disappointed to have missing from the Classic. I absolutely adore this game. I love the story, the concept of Sir Dan as a character, the combat and the lovely gothic areas you encounter from a mausoleum to ghost pirate ship. But most of all, the cheeky, totally stupid British humour running through the whole thing, particularly through the game’s archetypal villain Zarok, makes the whole game as funny as it is epic, with a suitably rousing soundtrack following you on your journey to prove you’re not the zero everyone thinks you are. Classic game, desperately needed a place on the lineup.

17. Gran Turismo 2

I’m going to preface this by saying that I don’t care much for realistic racing games, I don’t derive a lot of joy out of them and they aren’t really my cup of tea. But in my efforts to keep this lineup as diverse as possible, I thought I’d include the game that really pushed the PS1′s graphical capabilities to its limits and almost created a game that surpassed its console generation in its looks. There’s a whole wealth of content here; a whole bunch of cars to unlock and a beefy career mode to keep you busy for a fair while. And this game differs from other racing games on the system by rewarding strategic thought and encouraging players to think through every action they take on the race track, which for me makes this the most immersive racer on the system.

18. PaRappa the Rapper

Okay, I know. I really did just put this here. But come on, PaRappa ended up in PS All Stars, so he’s gotta mean something to someone, right? It doesn’t matter how you slice it, this paper dog properly revolutionised rhythm games at the time, creating a fun and responsive, if a little short, experience that was certainly unique for the time. This is another that would definitely fall under the weird category, but it’s a bit of Playstation that doesn’t get mentioned nearly enough and it’s worth a spot on pure fun factor alone.

19. Ape Escape

As one of the first games to rely entirely on the Dualshock analog sticks, Ape Escape is another that falls into the ‘must mean something to someone’ category, as Ape Escape also ended up with a character in PS All Stars. This one is a fairly simple foray, but it was met with a lot of love from fans, as you play as a tiny, chibi version of the dude from Yu Gi Oh (tell me I’m wrong) and round up a bunch of escaped apes in varying platforming levels with a cool selection of gadgets. It’s here because it’s here, let it be.

20. Silent Hill

Silent Hill is pretty much as iconic as horror games get, and yet I somehow managed to forget about it until I got the 20th and final game on my list. It was claustrophobic, gory, full of metaphors you really don’t want to dig into and, most of all, it was terrifying. The constant fog, while it was mostly implemented to account for lack of draw distance, worked in the game’s favour and became a staple in the series. For the PS1 era, this game and the series it belongs to properly nailed the scare factor and left everyone who went near it feeling at least a bit uneasy. Saying this belongs here is an understatement.

Cool, there’s my list. My probably quite badly justified list clouded by pure fan-ness. But anyway, hope you agreed with some of my picks and let me know what games you would’ve liked to see on the otherwise questionable PS Classic lineup below. Thank for reading !

[bbclesmis]

The Telegraph: Dominic West: 'Colette's husband smoked and had sex three times a day – it makes our vegan times look dreary'

When Dominic West was cast opposite Keira Knightley in Colette, to play the limelight-stealing first husband of the not-yet-famous French novelist, it was during his stage run of Dangerous Liaisons at London’s Donmar, playing a wicked libertine of quite another époque.

“I tend to get villains these days,” West muses, sinking back affably in a hotel armchair. To viewers of the BBC’s new Les Misérables, the remark may seem puzzling: after all, it’s not the obsessive Javert he’s playing in that six-hour, song-free version of Victor Hugo’s novel, but Jean Valjean, one of the most unambiguous heroes in world literature.

The 49-year-old Yorkshireman admits it was a refreshing change – if probably a one-off – to be offered such a morally upstanding assignment. Willy in Colette and Valmont in Liaisons are more like bread-and-butter characters; throw in his small-screen infidelities in The Affair, which has one last season of grubby intrigue to shoot, and he’s the actor most likely to be glared at on the street as an incorrigible philanderer.

Beyond turpitude, though, he spots something else these parts have in common: we watch him outmanoeuvred by the women he assumed he could possess.

“That does seem to be a theme in my career – being matched by stronger women. Which is probably the theme of my life, too. I've got five sisters, and three daughters! I’m the go-to guy for playing the male foil, I suppose.”

When did this shift to bad guys occur, if it was even really a shift? “You reach certain waypoints in your career – well, I played lovers, and now I play villains, and dads! A while ago, I played Iago, Fred West and some other horror, all in the same year. I must have a funny look in my eye? I don't know what it is. But I suppose the Devil's always got the best lines. They're more interesting to play, really, especially if you can play against the evil.”

Colette is being marketed around Knightley, by and large. This seems eminently fair: as a writer and actress in turn-of-the-century Paris, Sidonie-Gabrielle Colette spent way too much of her career living in the shadow of her ruthless, slave-driving publisher – also her husband, known to the world as “Willy” – to be co-credited on her own biopic with anyone else.

Still, it’s West who snuck his way into a BIFA nomination, for best supporting actor, while Knightley was crowded out. The film relies for nuance on his refusal to monster the character. He concedes that it’s not the most flattering role. “I had three different fat-suits and an appalling walrus moustache!” But in West’s hands, an odd sympathy emerges for Willy, despite all his terrible behaviour – locking Colette in an upstairs room to write, cheating on her incessantly, and eventually selling off the rights to her novels.

Show more

“I thought he was obviously an exciting guy to be around,” West says. “And a total shit, and a narcissist, and an exploiter. But she was with him because he was this incredible force of nature, really, and a sort of bon viveur catalyst to quite a lot of very good writers. I did, even at the end, have a sympathy for this Salieri figure, who realised, having been so famous, that he would only ever be remembered as Colette’s former husband. Which is ironic – no one's ever heard of him now. And if they have, that's the only reason.”

First hatched as an idea 15 years ago, Wash Westmoreland’s film has been an arduous one to get made. West mentions this slow gestation to explain how tentatively the dial moves, in terms of getting stories told about women’s creative achievements. Just five years ago, Knightley was essentially playing sidekick to Alan Turing in The Imitation Game; now it’s her turn to play the genius.

West sees it as “rather serendipitous” that so much discussion about women’s agency – not to mention male abuse – started to happen as the film got made. There’s a striking parallel, I point out, with the role Glenn Close plays in The Wife – as the true brains behind the operation in another literary marriage. “I bet that’s a commonplace story,” he agrees. “Misapplied acclaim. It’s interesting that George Eliot had to change her name to a man's to get published. But then, so did JK Rowling. Doesn't change much, does it?”

 As a true-blue fan of The Wire, I couldn’t possibly interview West without touching on his lead role in that series. You could argue David Simon’s Baltimore-set, 5-season HBO epic changed everything for the actor in 2002, but you’d be wrong, because it took about five years before anyone even saw it.

West, a dabbler in Hollywood back then, was deep into his “lovers” phase – he’d been an alcoholic boyfriend to Sandra Bullock in 28 Days, a jazz-age lothario shot dead by Renée Zellweger in Chicago, a caddish colleague to Julia Roberts in Mona Lisa Smile. He was usually the debonair party animal you had to get out of the way so the film could carry on.

And then a tape he’d recorded as a joke fell into Simon’s hands. “It was just an astonishing piece of luck,” he reflects, “because in spite of myself, I landed the lead part in the best TV show of all time!”. This casting fluke lets him lampoon himself so perfectly it’s hard not to laugh. “I spent an awful lot of time trying to get out of it! I was always saying, ‘Oh gawd, not another season.’ Mainly because I was away from home, from my young daughter. And also because no one seemed to be watching it.”

Jimmy McNulty, an alcoholic cop struggling with child support and unstable relationships, was the show’s weary constant. West’s crumpled humility gave the show a relatable centre, but it finally paid him back: the slow-trickle recognition of Simon’s sensational achievement has let everyone involved live in its afterglow.

“I wouldn’t have watched it, had I not been in it,” West admits. “My daughter told me the other day, ‘Yeah, I watched it, it's very dated, dad.’ I don't think it is, though! It's been the gift that keeps on giving.” Michael B. Jordan, now a superstar after the Creed films and Black Panther, got his break there as a tragic 16-year-old drug dealer called Wallace. “I directed him in the last season, now he’s the king of Hollywood,” West remembers.

And there was Idris Elba, as kingpin-cum-politician Stringer Bell. “What happened to Idris? I don't know what happened to Idris. Has anyone heard of him since?! It was perfect. I think he knew it was perfect. He came in, blazed it, and got out. The rest of us felt slightly like journeymen, supporting these celebrity cameos.”

West socks over this kind of self-deprecation with reliable verve. He gallantly assumes it was his dancing, not Knightley’s, which led to a polka sequence being cut from Colette. “She’s pretty easy to spark off,” he says of his co-star. “And she's certainly easy to fall in love with. I had one particular scene where I'm in despair because she's leaving me, and that was a piece of cake.”

Colette was just a 19-year-old Burgundian country girl when she met Willy, 14 years her senior, and was swept off her feet. When West talks about their vigorous sex life, which branched out to multiple partners in Paris – and some they shared – there’s a hint of performative envy to his routine. “Considering what he drank and ate and smoked every day, he was also having sex three times a day. I mean, people did that, in those days. They make our vegan times look so dreary!”

Meanwhile, his approach to tackling the almost dauntingly virtuous Jean Valjean was to find the weakness in the man. “He's so obviously someone overcoming his shortcomings. Which is the only chance any of us get to be heroes. Quite apart from all the acrobatic saving of kids that he does, his great thing is redeeming his flaws, or his dark past.”

It’s an effort for us both not keep calling it Les Miz. Wasn’t he at all disappointed that he never got to belt out “Two-four-six-oh-OOOOONE!!” in his beefiest Old Etonian baritone?

“I was disappointed, but I think everyone else was relieved! I wondered where the songs were, actually. I kept trying to sing and they kept stopping me.”

Les Misérables continues on BBC One on Sunday at 9pm. Colette is out in UK cinemas from January 11 (x)

[theinquisitivej]

‘Avengers: Endgame’ – A Movie Review, and a Reflection on Endings

Endings are rarely the definitive final word.

A person’s story can come to an end, but the stories of the people around them and the world they live in carry on, even if that one person isn’t there anymore. That realisation conjures up a whole tangled mess of emotions, but it is the natural way of things. It’s not right to want everything to end with you. In life, we make the most of the time and energy we’re given, and if you make enough right decisions, get lucky, and dedicate enough of yourself, you’ll hopefully get to go with the sense that you did okay, and that those you leave behind are going to be alright. Endings in fiction are as infinitely variable as any other feature of artistic expression, but in narratives with expansive casts or fleshed out worlds, they often leave us with the feeling that we’d only have to stay a little longer and there would be more stories to explore. Just as the real world is bigger than any one lifetime, successfully-established fictional worlds feel much larger than any one set of characters and their narrative.

         For the last eleven years, audiences have enjoyed a series of blockbusters featuring an impressively varied range of stylistic approaches. At their best, these films are deeply satisfying and affecting, delivering poignant moments about characters coming to terms with their own flaws and trying their best to do the right thing. But when considered together, these films have never entirely felt resolved, with each one going out on a lingering note of “just wait for what comes next”. The story was never over for the Marvel Cinematic Universe, because another film was never far away. And now that the grand conclusion has finally come and $2.5 billion worth of us have watched and re-watched it, things are just the same as ever, and yet we’re at a moment that we’ve never seen before and are unlikely to see again for a long time. We’ve reached an ending of the story that begun with Tony Stark and his box of scraps in that cave in 2008. The story is over. But there are more stories to come.

Yes, there will be spoilers ahead. But I say again: this film has crossed over the two and a half billion dollar mark. I’m pretty sure if you’re reading this, you’ll have contributed your drop or two to Marvel’s bucket. So let’s talk about the movie.

         I appreciate the efforts of Christopher Markus and Stephen McFeely as screenwriters, Joe and Anthony Russo as directors, and the input of every person involved in deciding the final shape of Endgame’s story to make its structure noticeably different to that of Infinity War. The previous Avengers film is a constant juggling act, relying on the viewer taking to Thanos as a central thread around which the rest of the film is hung. We’re either seeing the various steps Thanos is taking along his journey, hearing about what kind of man he is and what he intends to do, or seeing characters who are consistently on the back foot as they frantically scramble to strategically and mentally prepare for an opponent they’re not ready for. By this point in the series, we’ve been conditioned to expect to see things primarily from the point of view of the dozens of characters aligned with the Avengers, but Infinity War is messy and fractured when you look at it from the perspective of the heroes. And that’s the point – our heroes are fractured, and so there’s no unified effort against the villain as he single-mindedly pursues his goal with continuous success. The Avengers are a mess, and they lose. Thanos is the one who seizes control of the narrative, undoing the decisions and sacrifices made by the heroes as he dictates what his ambitions are and why they are so noble… and because viewers are susceptible to sympathising with the person who names themselves the hero and takes the reins of the narrative, far too many people bought Thanos’ rhetoric. For a year there, we really were seeing think-pieces that said “maybe the genocidal zealot who emotionally manipulates people is right”!

         But Endgame’s structure deliberately contrasts against Infinity War’s. Whereas Infinity War is about heroes being separated and the catastrophe that follows in the wake of this disunity, Endgame presents its heroes as a group of grieving people who are unified through their shared regrets and resolve to overcome their despair together and work towards a singular objective to try and fix everything. The Avengers are disassembled in Infinity War and reassembled in Endgame. As a result, the structure is comparatively more uniform. You can clearly differentiate the film into three distinct thirds – the five-year time skip that shows life on a mournful Earth still coming to terms with half of life being eradicated, the Back to the Future Part II time-travel mission as characters revisit scenarios from previous films, and the big blowout battle where every surviving main superpowered character in the entire franchise is dumped into one battle for your viewing pleasure. Each third offers something different, meaning you cover all of the ground that you’d want to in a dramatic, energetic, and emotional close to a blockbuster saga with literally dozens of characters who are all key players. Each third is impressively balanced, and they all act as strong supporting columns for the film as a result.

         However, because these thirds are as distinct as they are, it’s almost inevitable that you’ll come away saying “I preferred these two parts over that third part, which felt okay but a little unnecessary”. Personally, I think there are plenty of themes (grief and a desire to revisit the past, putting guilt and trauma to rest, and of course, the strength of unity) and character arcs (Nebula finally choosing to integrate herself into a group of people who value her and literally killing the old version of herself who wanted only to please her abusive father-figure being the stand-out one) which help gel each of the film’s three segments together without much resistance. But I have encountered multiple people who have expressed the sentiment that they really liked two thirds but they could take or leave another third – inevitably, which third is which always varies. I can imagine that, if you’re not getting a lot out of one of the segments, Endgame will certainly make you antsy for the film to return to what you felt it was pulling off more successfully. The three distinct thirds can result in a fragmented viewing experience for some audience members. On the other hand, I felt that the clearer, more focused structure not only made the film seem less jumbled than its predecessor, but also made it a suitable companion-piece to Infinity War and its Thanos-centric structure.

         The emotional response I have to Endgame is not the same electric glee I had from seeing the first Avengers, though moments like Cap picking up the hammer, the cinematic equivalent of a double-page spread of every single MCU hero charging towards Thanos’ army in one image, and “she’s got help” all sparked that feeling off inside me with more intensity than I’ve felt for a long time. No, what I feel more than anything about the MCU right now is a paradoxical sense of melancholic yet nevertheless delighted satisfaction. A part of that comes from the strengths of that first third, which, despite my sincere claims that all three sections gel together successfully, is nevertheless my favourite segment of the film (with the possible exception of the epilogue, but we’ll get to that). In this review’s opening paragraphs, I talked about endings not being the definitive final word as life and the world must always carry on. My reflection on that was primarily positive, but in this opening hour, we see the sad alternative form that this concept can take. Thanos killed half the universe and was killed in retaliation – the conflict ends, as does the hope of repairing the damage done by this tragedy. But the universe doesn’t end even with half of its inhabitants being gone. As Steve succinctly says, the survivors have to keep moving forward, “otherwise Thanos should have killed all of us”. It’s an outlook that Steve encourages, even if he can’t fully believe it himself, because he thinks it’s the best way for people to regain control over their unthinkable circumstances. The setup for Endgame presents us with a universe that died a half-death – everything ended for half its population five years ago, while life for the other half of the population persists, and they are trying their best to make sense of that.

         That struggle with grief, both on a colossal and a personal scale, is what unifies every single character, but the difference lies in how they respond to that grief. Black Widow throws herself into her work to try and keep the good that superheroes can do going, but her efforts feel as if they aren’t enough, being told by Okoye that the natural tectonic shifts she’s reporting on aren’t something you actively address with a strike squad and that you have to “handle it by not handling it”. Hawkeye was always the simple guy involved in the Avengers who was kept grounded by his family. Without them, he has nothing to keep him rooted, no home to return to, so he goes in the complete opposite direction and becomes a dedicated avenger in a literal sense, dolling out punishment fuelled by his frustration without any of the purpose and direction that he gained from his connections to friends and family. Hulk / Banner actually come out of this having made some progress, deciding to meditate on what they learned from their losses and literally come together in their grief to become one being, Professor Hulk. Tony and Pepper make the most of the luck they managed to find together, but are both keenly aware of all those who weren’t so lucky, wanting to get back what they lost but keep what they’ve found, which is remarkably human and understandable. Thor… hm. Okay, yes, Thor is a mixed bag. In all honesty, I loved Thor in this film and was empathetic towards his depression and anxiety attacks. I also love that Thor gets to stay as he is and still be shown that he is indeed worthy to wield Mjolnir and fight in the battle alongside all these other heroes without having to change who he is. But I do acknowledge the issues that numerous viewers have raised about some of the jokes made by the other characters being at the expense of Thor’s weight, and how they found it uncomfortable, and, in instances, meanspirited and harmful. I love the current version of Thor and feel Chris Hemsworth injected even more bubbly charm and infectious spirit to his character while blending it with the genuine pathos Thor was going through with remarkable talent. But the film’s tendency to use the character’s weight as an opportunity to make jokes about him being fat is not ideal. I’m glad to see Thor continue as he is into further movies (though it is possible that they’ll say he lost weight between Endgame and Guardians of the Galaxy Vol.3), but I sincerely hope we DON’T see the fat-jokes continue as they are. The lighting, music, and performances of everyone in the cast all contribute to this palpable sensation of immense loss, which communicates not only what’s at stake in this epic conclusion, but also how each character involved has been changed by what they’ve had to go through since Infinity War.

         But that only touches on the melancholic side of things; why do I also feel delighted and satisfied as I take in these sombre themes? Well, to put it simply, this one sticks the landing by closing the right doors in the most appropriate way while keeping other doors open in a balanced approach that seems so right. Tony Stark sacrifices his life after declaring “I am Iron Man” one last time, putting everything of himself into doing the right thing when so long ago he enjoyed a life of zero-accountability and kept his work on weapons technology at a safe distance. The image of his first arc-reactor in its memento case reading “Proof that Tony Stark has a heart” floating on the water at his funeral destroyed me at both viewings, because not only have his actions proved this fact as well, but we see numerous people all around this site as they pay their respects, showing the hearts of so many characters we care about who were connected to his. And Steve Rogers, the soldier who could never sit down if he saw a situation pointed south, after standing up against a galactic tyrant and his army, first alone and then with the support of countless men and women rallying to him, finally lets himself rest. Not many people have talked about the new horizons Steve takes in in this film; when the surviving heroes take Rocket’s ship to the Garden Planet, the camera makes a point of focusing on an extreme close-up of Steve’s eye as they travel through hyperspace. Even after nearly a decade of familiarity with this new era, the man out of time, a kid from 1940s Brooklyn, is seeing things that he could’ve never imagined. He’s come so, so far. I can think of no better conclusion than for him to return back home.

          But the film’s epilogue isn’t just concerned with closing the curtain on these heroes as they sit down to rest. Just as these stories end, we see hints of what stories are yet to come for other heroes. In the sequence where the camera pans over the countless faces attending Tony’s funeral, it’s fitting that the last hero we see (before Nick Fury steps into frame under the veranda, concealed in the shadows at the very end, much like his very first entrance as a post-credits tease at the end of Iron Man) is Carol Danvers. Having made her debut just months ago, she is the most recent addition to this universe, so her position at the back of the line reflects that. Her placement halfway up the steps she’s standing on suggests that she’s acting as an embodiment for the road to the future – she is literally on the next step for the series of films Marvel will make as they move forward. And she’s not alone, because other heroes will continue to thrive and flourish as their stories continue. Sam is handed the mantle of Captain America, and what’s achingly beautiful about this exchange is the attitude of the two men involved. Sam views Steve as his friend first and foremost, so he is sincere when he says he’s happy for him. But Sam also respects Steve so much as the man who deserves to be Captain America. Much like how Mjolnir can only be wielded by those who are worthy, Cap’s shield becomes a sacred relic that should only be worn by the right man for the job. And when Steve gently encourages Sam to try the shield on, knowing full well what it means to the world and to both of them, he does so as both Captain America finding the right man to fill his position, and as Sam’s friend Steve, telling him with assurance that he really is one of the best people he knows. When Sam confesses that he feels like the shield belongs to someone else, Steve responds with elegant purity “it doesn’t”. Everything at the core of Captain America, the bravery, the conviction to always stand back up and fight no matter how much it pains them to do so, and the responsibility to always look out for the little guy, are all qualities which never belonged to Steve and Steve alone; those virtues can belong to anyone, and Steve tells his friend that he recognises them in Sam. I cannot wait to see the good that Sam will do as he follows his promise to do his best.  

         Tom Holland’s Spider-Man has been developing a mentee / mentor relationship with Robert Downey Jr.’s Iron Man since Civil War, and here it culminates in a bittersweet arc that lays the groundwork for what I expect will be some fascinating and impactful characterisation in Far From Home in a few months’ time. Tony mourns for Peter most of all, viewing him as a surrogate son who has much of the same inventive genius and drive that he has, with the addition of some compassionate heart and level of responsibility that is far beyond his years. Peter has it in him to be better than Tony, and Tony knows this. So it’s understandable why the loss of that kind, youthful spirit and his limitless potential would hurt Tony so much. In Tony’s dying moments, we share Peter’s tears as we see how much this connection means to them both and realise what is being lost. But we know this is exactly what Tony fought for – the chance for the next generation to live and grow. Holland’s performance when we see Peter return to school hints at his sense of disconnection, as his expression creates the impression that he feels like a stranger in a place with which he once felt so familiar. With the support of his friends, especially Ned, he will find his way in the next step of his journey.

          Endgame provides definitive endings for the journeys of characters we’ve been following for more films than we see most actors get to play Bond, but it also manages to cast a hopeful eye towards the future without compromising its position as a neat conclusion to everything up to this point. In fact, its simultaneous handling of reflective closure and moving forward with renewed purpose makes for a remarkably poignant milestone. Stories rarely strike such a balance between meaningful finality and the uplifting excitement of wanting more stories and knowing you’re going to get them. And that probably sounds shallow and frivolous because, at the end of the day, we’re talking about a successful studio delivering a hyped-up film that promises to be a finale but also serves the financially driven purpose of pitching you a dozen other films and TV series. But through the efforts of over a decade’s worth of dedicated storytellers and creative artists, this series has come to mean more than just another substantial drop in Disney’s bucket. It’s become a fictional world that a massive audience has fallen in love with in the same way that people did with Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Star Wars, The Chronicles of Narnia, Mass Effect, and a hundred other worlds. We’ve rooted for these characters and cried at some of their most emotional moments, and we’ve grown to care so much about the MCU that it represents a living, breathing world for us. And this kind of ending just makes that proximity to reality that much closer. Stories end and lives come to a close, but they often do so in the middle of other people’s lives and stories. After all, Yinsen’s sacrifice in the MCU’s first film, Iron Man is the end of his story, but his death acts as a foundational moment for the man that Tony would grow to be – his ending is a part of Iron Man’s beginning. In Endgame, heroes pass away, lay down arms, or choose to step down from a position they no longer feel a need to hold onto. At the same time, other heroes move onto the next step of their journey, accept new responsibilities, and accept the titles passed onto them from those who know they will do a fine job. It’s a beautiful encapsulation of the natural balance between life and death, between the end of the old and the beginning of something new. It’s the balance that Thanos strived for but never fully understood, as he wanted to cultivate life but in his obsessive crusade ended up sewing nothing but death. It is only right that the heroes are the ones to achieve that balance through their actions and connections with one another.

Final Score: Gold.

Avengers: Endgame is overflowing and self-indulgent, but it has every right to be and more than earned it. There are missteps, and there’s room for disappointment over the direction that certain characters are taken in, most notably the original version of Gamora ultimately staying dead and staying the victim of an abusive father-figure who seizes all agency away from her, or Thor arguably continuing to veer away from where he was at the end of Thor: Ragnarok and his new weight being an excuse to make cheap jokes that feel uncomfortable. But it is also a well-structured film that offers three distinct tones that are all equally engaging, and its delightful moments of humour and momentous action strikes a grand and immensely satisfying chord with its examination of grief and the natural interrelationship of the closing of one chapter and the beginning of another. It is as significant a landmark for this fictional series as any invested viewer could hope for. It’s a hell of a thing to have come this far, and I can’t wait for whatever comes next.

[schyven]

Secret Santa

Rating: G Word Count: 1848 words Pairing: NozoNico Summary: They were a little odd, but they loved each other regardless. A/N: Happy holidays, @watanabaes! I was your Secret Santa for @lovelivesecretsanta2017. I’m sorry this is late, but I wanted to write as much as I possibly could for your gift! It’s still rather short, and for that I apologize, but I still hope that you like it!

If she had to pick one word to describe both of her parents, it would most certainly be “odd.” Not that she was bothered, or even upset, by that. In fact, she was glad to have such unique parents, who were unashamed of who they were and did everything in their power to keep her happy.

Nonetheless, they both had their share of strangeness.

When she was younger and still had to be walked to school, Mama used to walk her to school with the biggest pair of sunglasses she owned and a surgical mask over her face. Naturally, on the first day, she had given all of the teachers, parents, and kids a terrible fright and drew a lot of unwanted attention. However, Mama argued that, even as an ex-idol, she was still famous and did not wish to drag her into the spotlight with her fame. And so, everyday she escorted Tenko to school, she would throw on the mask and sunglasses.

Tenko never bothered to tell her that almost all of her classmates knew just who she was, and occasionally pestered her about having a famous celebrity for a mama.

On top of that, unlike most people, her mama also had a catchphrase, which she had had since she was a kid herself. Some of Tenko’s friends pointed out that it, while it had been distinct and unique during her idol career, it seemed rather childish for her Mama still use it. Some of the parents at school most certainly thought so as well, and she often caught them rolling their eyes or heaving sighs whenever her Mama performed her catchphrase during parent-teacher meetings or school events (A large contribution to how people knew who she was).

On the other hand, her Mom was much more down to earth compared to her Mama. She most certainly had never thrown on a poor disguise to walk her to school nor did she aggressively try to get all of her loved ones to smile. She did, however, have her tarot cards, and a strong reliance on “spiritual energy.” Whenever a major event was coming up, or whenever she felt some sort of disturbance, her Mom would whip out her cards and looked to them for answers.

Tenko has lost count on how many impromptu adventures she’s gone on, or huge decisions she’s made, with her Mom because “the cards told her so.”

On top of that, her Mom always liked to record them. She almost always had a camera, or several, on her person, and would often take it out to record them no matter what they were doing. She recorded them so much, in fact, that she had occasionally gotten into trouble when she brought out her camera during an inappropriate time. Of course, Mom was always respectful and put it away whenever she was asked to do so, but she still tried to record almost every possible moment she could.

Though her parents were certainly odd at times, she still loved them. Because, though she may never understand, their strangeness had meaning.

The instant Mama saw any of her loved ones hurt or upset, she would strike her signature pose and shout “Nico Nico Nii~!”. She then made it her personal mission to get them to smile. Tenko admired her Mama’s complete dedication and determination to fulfill her self-imposed missions. When it came to making her friends and family happy, Mama threw herself through every hoop and hurdle necessary.

“If you are ever lonely, remember that your mama and I are always here for you,”  her Mom often reminded her, with a distant look on her face. “And, if there is ever a day we cannot be there for you, remember that I keep our memories in that room.”

Though they were sometimes odd, she could not have asked for better parents. ___

Mama. Papa. For most people, those were typically the first words that came to mind when it came to teaching their kids how to talk.

Nico was not like most people.

Leisurely making her way towards the kitchen to make herself some tea, Nozomi stopped in her tracks when she caught a glimpse of her wife in the living room, small form hunched over the even smaller form of their baby girl, Tenko. Her curiosity piqued, Nozomi tiptoed closer, careful not to draw any attention to herself, and peered into the living room from the doorway.

“Come on, say it with me!” Nico was saying with a wide grin as her hands shot up in an all-too-familiar pose. “Nico Nico Nii~!” In response, Tenko shrieked in joy and clumsily clapped her hands. “No, no! Repeat after mama: Nico Nico Nii~!” Another squeal of laughter. “Nico Nico Nii~!” Yet another squeal of laughter. For several minutes, it was rinse-and-repeat before, finally defeated, Nico allowed her hands to drop back down to her side with a sigh and a tired, but affectionate, smile on her lips. In her lap, Tenko continued to laugh and clap, amused by her mama’s antics. Now that an open had presented itself, Nozomi decided it was finally time to reveal herself.

“What are you up to, Nicocchi?” Had there not been a laughing and clapping infant in her lap, Nico surely would have leapt into the air in her surprise. Nozomi giggled at her reaction, stepping into the room so that should could join the rest of her family. After recovering somewhat, Nico scooted over on the couch, leaving plenty of space for Nozomi to sit beside her. Tenko cried out in glee when she saw her mom, letting lose another shriek and lifting her arms into the air to be held. Nozomi eagerly scooped her up, cooing happily and peppering her face with thousands of kisses.

“Just wanted to teach her how to talk,” Nico finally answered, watching her wife and daughter when fond eyes and an affectionate smile.

“’Nico Nico Nii?’” Nozomi’s question had Nico looking absolutely affronted.

“Of course!” she exclaimed, nearly falling off the couch with how quickly she jerked around to face Nozomi. “Our Tenko��s gotta know that mama loves her very, very much and never wants her to stop smiling! Isn’t that right, sweetie?” She reached over to boop Tenko on the nose, earning herself another shout of laughter.

“You’re going to regret it when it’s three in the morning and she’s crying out for ‘Nico Nico Nii’ instead of her mama.”

“Nico’s my name, so it’s basically the same thing,” Nico huffed, shooting Nozomi an annoyed glare. It melted away instantly when Nozomi kissed her on the cheek as reconciliation.

“I know, I know,” Nozomi said. Carefully shifting Tenko in her lap so that she won’t fall, Nozomi pulled Nico into a one-armed hug and buried her nose into her raven locks. “I just want you to know that Tenko’s always going to be smiling because her mama is the Number One Mama in the Universe.” She smiled as Nico returned the hug, throwing her arms around both Nozomi and Tenko and pulling them close. Tenko, now squished between her moms, squirmed and whined in her discomfort.

“If I'm Number One Mama in the Universe, then you're Number One Wife in the Universe,” Nico muttered into the crook of her neck.

“Nii!” Suddenly, Nozomi found herself alone on the couch. Upon hearing the disgruntled whine of their daughter, Nico practically launched herself onto her feet, plucked Tenko from Nozomi’s lap, and held her up to her face, eyes wide with surprise.

“Nico Nico?” she asked, voice no louder than a whisper in her excitement and apprehension.

“Nii!” When Tenko responded correctly to her catchphrase, her entire face lit up in delight.

“Nico Nico!”

“Nii!” Nico cheered, whooping loudly and spinning around with Tenko in her arms. The baby cheered as as loudly, laughing and clapping as she was spun around by her mama. Overcome with glee, Nico danced, hopped, and spun around their living room with their daughter, a bright grin on her face and joyful tears in her eyes. From the couch, Nozomi watched Nico celebrate her small victory, her soft chuckles drowned out by Nico’s shouts and Tenko’s laugh.

“Nico Nico!”

“Nii!” ___

Nozomi often trailed after them, camera in hand. No matter the occasion or the location, she loved capturing anything and everything on film. When she knew that there was a special occasion coming up, she would keep several cameras on her, just in case any one of them ran out of storage or if any of the batteries died. Ever since Tenko entered their lives, she always kept a camera closeby.

“If I wanted to be around paparazzi, I’d still be in the spotlight,” Nico once teased, reaching over the kitchen counter to tap on the lens with her flour covered fingers. Despite her jokes, Nico never once complained and, in fact, actively encouraged Nozomi’s insistence on having a camera always on her person. Whenever she felt the camera on her, she flashed her signature pose with a flourish, shouted her catchphrase at the top of her lungs, and dragged their daughter into the frame to roughhouse and play. Tenko certainly didn’t mind it either. As a toddler, she had laughed and cheered alongside Nico, striking poses and making silly faces at her mom. Her enthusiasm has diminished somewhat with age. Nonetheless, she still joined in Nico’s silly antics whenever her mama insisted, and smiled whenever Nozomi brought out the camera.

Nico’s old office, where she had once practiced her idol dances or performed mock interviews with herself, had been repurposed into a storage room. Within this new storage room, Nozomi kept her many USBs, and SD cards, stuffed full with all the memories she’s captured over the years. She had also set up simple desktop in the room, where she could watch those moments over and over.

Within the cluttered room, she would relive the happiest memories she had recorded. On the days she was alone, Nozomi watched, and rewatched every pleasant memory that she could. She watched the day Nico brought Tenko to school in her old “civilian” disguise. She watched the time Eli and Tenko made a complete mess of the kitchen trying to make chocolate. She watched the day Rin, Maki, and Hanayo brought Tenko to the petting zoo. She watched the night Kotori and Honoka barged into their home to have Tenko put on a mini-fashion show. She watched afternoon Umi taught Tenko how to shoot an arrow. In one of the She watched the morning she served Tenko breakfast-in-bed on her birthday, Nico having been the one to record it.

She watched them all, and rewatched them again.

The videos she has made help stave off the loneliness. When she’s alone, sometimes she remembered. Sometimes, she remembered the blanket of silence in an empty home. Sometimes, she remembered one-person dinners of instant yakisoba or instant ramen. Sometimes, she remembered post-it note messages in lieu of human interaction.

She remembered, and she would everything in her power to ensure Tenko never experiences those moments.

A/Nx2: I tried my best to make their daughter’s personality as ambiguous as possible in case you had your own personal headcanon about what their child’s personality would be like. In addition, I ended up naming her after a character Nico’s seiyuu voices so I hope that’s okay!

I hope you had a wonderful holiday season and a fantastic New Year’s!

[aion-rsa]

What Went Wrong With Dwayne Johnson’s Doom Movie?

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When Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson took to the stage at the Amway Arena in Orlando, Florida on March 29, 2008, few could have predicted what would come next.    

The budding action star was there to induct his father and grandfather into the WWE Hall of Fame, however, at times, his speech felt more like an impromptu comedy roast.    

“There was big controversy with the WWE and illegal torture,” one convoluted gag began. “Apparently they would find Iraqi insurgents, tie them up and make them watch DVD copies of The Marine.”    

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John Cena, who starred in The Marine, was in the audience that night and took the ribbing in good humor, with his exaggerated on-camera reaction spawning what would come to be known as the “John Cena oh s**t gif”.  

Johnson wasn’t finished though.  

“By the way I made Doom. Did you ever see Doom? Well, you probably didn’t and it’s okay because nobody else did either.”    

Cue laughter.   

Nearly three years on from its release, The Rock could finally laugh about Doom. No one had been laughing when the film first debuted in October 2005 to rank reviews and a poor box office return. 

Film critic Richard Roeper was among those to tear into the film.  

“The performances are awful, the action sequences are impossible to follow, the violence is gratuitous, the lighting is bad and I have my doubts that the catering truck was even up to snuff.”   

He had a point.   

Largely filmed in a series of identical-looking and poorly lit corridors of a generic space station, Doom had the look and feel of a bad Alien knock-off.  Worse still, it bore almost no resemblance to the source material.  

Johnson may be the biggest film star in the world today but back then he was still just another wrestler trying to make the leap into movies. In truth, he was fortunate that Doom didn’t torpedo his chances in the way countless misfiring movies had for other aspiring wrestlers-turned-actors.  

So where did it all go wrong?  

Arnold Schwarzenegger and ILM

Film adaptations of popular video games are famously fraught with difficulties.   

You could probably count the number of good video game movies on one finger – Paul W.S. Anderson’s Mortal Kombat, before you ask.    

But id Software, the developers behind the pioneering Doom franchise, had been hopeful of bucking the trend back in 1994 when Universal first purchased the film rights.   

“I think Doom would be easier to write a script for than, say, Street Fighter,” business manager and co-owner Jay Wilbur told PC Gamer.   

Wilbur’s vision for the movie certainly sounded appealing.   

“I see Arnold Schwarzenegger with all the Doom garb on, Industrial Light & Magic supplying the special effects and the story would be something along the lines of Arnie stationed on Mars when the dimensional gateway opens up and demons flood in…So everybody’s dead – well maybe not everybody, you need a little human interaction and comic relief going on. But mainly, just non-stop seat-of-your-pants sweat-of-your-brow action.”   

Fusing elements of Commando, Total Recall, and the later Arnie effort End of Days, Wilbur’s sketch of a Doom movie sounded perfect – but there were issues from the start.  

According to former CEO Todd Hollenshead, several potential scripts were vetoed by id Software for failing to stay true to the source material.  While Schwarzenegger was approached, plans for the project were ultimately shelved in the wake of the Columbine High School massacre and negative press it generated around the game.   

Doomed Casting

It would be almost a decade before interest in a movie version would be rekindled by producers Lorenzo di Bonaventura and John Wells, who obtained the rights after footage from Doom 3 was shopped to agents from Creative Artists Agency.   

Di Bonaventura enlisted David Callaham, then a novice writer in Hollywood, to pen a script based loosely on a handful of ideas he had pitched during a chance meeting.   

Schwarzenegger, by then, was not only significantly older but also busy as Governor of California. Alternatives were explored. One rumor, neither confirmed nor denied, suggests Vin Diesel was in the frame to star. Ultimately, however, it was Johnson who ended up landing top billing.   

Not that anyone was complaining. Johnson was largely a B-movie star up until that point, making Doom a good fit to potentially take him into the big leagues. There was just one problem though – The Rock didn’t want to play the good guy.   

Producers had originally slated the WWE star to play the film’s main protagonist, Staff Sgt. John “Reaper” Grimm. Johnson had other ideas, though.   

“When I first read the script, and read it for [the part of] John, after I read it I thought wow John is a great character and, of course, the hero of the movie,” Johnson explained at the 2005 San Diego Comic-Con.  “But for some reason I was drawn more to Sarge, I thought Sarge was, to me, more interesting and had a darker side.”   

He agreed to star but only in the role of Sarge, leader of the film’s Rapid Response Tactical Squad sent to Mars and someone who ends up becoming the principal villain.   

Karl Urban, fresh from featuring in the Lord of the Rings trilogy, was cast in his place in what represented the first major misstep.  

Watching the film back now, it’s tempting to wonder whether Doom might have fared better had the two switched roles.  

After all, Johnson has carved a sizeable niche as an all-American good guy in the years since, while roles in Dredd and The Boys highlighted a darker streak to Urban’s repertoire.  

It’s certainly something Wesley Strick, who served as script doctor and ultimately co-writer on the film, concurs with when the notion is put to him.  

“That would work better,” he tells Den of Geek.  “I think you are onto something there. The swap was his idea though and this is all with hindsight.”   

Blame Superman

An experienced screenwriter with credits on Arachnophobia and Martin Scorsese’s Cape Fear, Strick ended up working on Doom as an indirect result of Tim Burton’s failed Superman movie.   

“Lorenzo [di Bonaventura] was head of production at Warner Bros when Tim Burton asked me to come onboard for Superman Lives,” Strick explains.    

“Tim and I and Nicolas Cage cooked up this whole scenario for a Superman movie and we would often walk into Lorenzo’s office to do battle with him, essentially, because he was stubbornly opposed to almost every idea we had,” Strick says. “Consequently, Lorenzo and I really butted heads and sometimes it could get quite ugly…I felt like I might have burned my bridges.”

With Superman years in the past, di Bonaventura called Strick to gauge his interest about working on Doom.

“I really wasn’t interested,” Strick says. “Just because I knew nothing about the game. But I have two sons and they were teenagers so there was a lot of enthusiasm from them. They told me to look into it and were excited about the idea of their dad working on this video game movie. Any project you can do where your kids are involved and excited is fun. So that appealed to me.”   

Strick was also sold on the film’s director, an exciting young Irish filmmaker called Enda McCallion. McCallion had made his name with a series of striking TV adverts (the Metz alcopop ‘Judderman’ campaign) and music videos for the likes of Nine Inch Nails.  

He was being tipped to follow in the footsteps of filmmakers like Jonathan Glazer by transitioning into features.   

“Enda was this up-and-coming new Irish director who was hyped to me as a visionary and someone who was going to bring something very original to the movie. It wasn’t going to just be this piece of product.”   

Big picture stuff

Strick was tasked with simplifying Callaham’s script to ensure it translated into a workable schedule and, crucially, that it could be made within a modest budget of $60–70 million. That meant cuts.  

“The producers looked at it and tried to put together a schedule and realized it was too complicated,” Strick says. “So, I read it and came up with a simple solution. In Callaham’s draft the marines kept going back and forth through this portal. Three times or something. It was unnecessary. They would go over there and then chase back and then regroup and then return to Mars or whatever. I said no, do it once and be done with it. I also had a list of a couple of monsters I thought the movie could do without.”   

The decision to cut several monsters familiar to Doom enthusiasts was a contentious one among fans, with Callaham’s original script featuring both the Cacodemon and Arch-Vile among others. Strick had been through this kind of process before though.   

“This is sort of the big picture stuff,” he says. “You can get a lot of shit from fans when they feel like you are trespassing on their genre and I think that happened to an extent on Doom. People were like ‘how dare you’.”   

He cites his experience on Batman Returns as an example of when the fanboys miss the point.   

“I hadn’t read a comic book since I was 12 and I loved them but I was 37 then,” he says. “Way past comic book age. In my mind, that’s okay because you’re trying to write a movie, not a comic book. You don’t want a comic book fanatic on a job like that – what would they bring to the movie?”   

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Despite ringing the changes, one sequence Strick was determined to retain from Callaham’s script was the five-minute first-person shooter sequence.  

“That was one bit I wanted to keep in no matter what. It was just funny. It had a great attitude and visually it was just delightful. If anyone ever proposed cutting it, I would argue strenuously against that. It was a great idea. Real, in your face.”   

All Change

By the time filming commenced in Prague in the winter of 2004, however, Strick found himself working on a very different film. McCallion had departed the project for reasons unknown. He didn’t respond to our request for an interview.   

In his place came Andrzej Bartkowiak, a seasoned cinematographer who had recently branched out into directing in the early 2000s, helming a trio of Jet Li action movies.   

“I was deeply disappointed when Enda left the project,” Strick admits. “It became the thing that I was assured of at the beginning it wouldn’t be. A more conventional approach to a movie like that. I don’t know what kind of movie Enda would have made but at least there was the possibility with him that it was going to be something special.”   

Strick was also having to contend with issues elsewhere.  

“When Doom moved to Universal, a guy called Greg Silverman became my executive on the project and he didn’t like me. He just always gave me shit,” Strick says. “Once he told me everything I had portrayed about the marines and their tactics was inauthentic. He wanted real, genuine, marine combat tactics.  I went back and did loads of research, read books like Jarhead, and really immersed myself in the whole marine mindset. I did a rewrite where I fixed all of the combat stuff, so it was genuine US marine combat protocol. And he hated it. I tried to explain that was exactly what was happening in Iraq, but he was just like ‘nah’. So we ended up going back to the fake stuff.”   ​

It’s an anecdote that hints at that dreaded but all too familiar issue on disjointed projects of this kind – studio interference – and Strick wasn’t the only one experiencing frustration. In the run-up to the film’s release, his co-writer Callaham had begun interacting with angry Doom fans online, who had heard rumors of the film taking liberties with the source material.   

Writing in a lengthy open letter defending his screenplay, the young writer managed to make things worse.    

“Let me assure you…, that the themes and elements that you love about Doom are ALL represented strongly in the film…just with some new twists,” he wrote.   

Few were convinced, however, particularly after he went on to claim he had watched a “bunch of strangers bastardize” his original vision of the film.   

Strick has some sympathy.   

“As soon as you engage in a fight on the internet, you’ve lost. I don’t think Dave realized that until it happened, but he got the shit kicked out of him by Doom fans. He was determined to defend himself and his movie against all comers and they just kicked him around. But he got back up and got moving again.”   

Callaham certainly did that, going on to pen The Expendables and, most recently, Wonder Woman 1984.  

Strick remains philosophical about his experience on Doom and still has cherished memories of taking his sons to the premiere [“they were in awe of The Rock” ].   

Positives and Negatives

“I thought the film was pretty good. Particularly in the sequence where it becomes like the video game. It’s the one great thing in the movie. Ironically, it’s a movie but it’s at its best when it devolves into pure video game action.”   

Bartkowiak took the brunt of the criticism for the film’s visual issues – visual effects wiz Jon Farhat took charge of the much-lauded first-person shooter sequence.  

Things would get even worse for the experienced cinematographer-turned-director a few years later with his next film, Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li, which pulled off the ignominious feat of being an even worse video game movie.  

Johnson rode the storm though, eventually hitting A-lister pay dirt with 2011’s Fast Five – a movie that breathed new life into his career and the Fast & Furious franchise as a whole.  

Today, Johnson is able to laugh about Doom, recently claiming its failure was the result of a “video game curse” he successfully broke with Rampage. The jury is still out on that one.   

With a different director, more ambitious budget and the right stars in the right roles, Doom could well have ended up being a great video game movie – but Strick thinks making a truly great video game movie “is next to impossible.”  

It’s about narrative,” he explains. “In a movie, we’re taking you for a ride whereas in a video game you are in the driving seat. So they are two conflicting and competing ideas for what makes a story engaging. Sit back, relax, we’re going to entertain you versus you’re immersed in an environment that you control. I don’t know where you find the center for that where the two opposing ideas co-exist. That’s possibly why the video game sequence is so good. It took on that paradox. You’re watching a video game movie that’s a simulation. It’s a kind of reminder of what the movie could never be.”   

The post What Went Wrong With Dwayne Johnson’s Doom Movie? appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[intergalactic-zoo]

In preparation for my viewing of Justice League, I decided to revisit Batman V. Superman: Dawn of Justice. I've been dithering with this post on and off for a month, and while I don't think it's gotten any shorter, at least I feel like it says all I'm going to need to say on the subject. Also, I added some pictures. Anyway, you may recall that I did not care for the movie the first time around. I'm approaching this like I did with my Man of Steel rewatch that I did in preparation for that viewing: trying to focus on the positive, to find the movie that I've seen fans posting gifs of on Tumblr for a year and a half. To that end, I'm watching the Ultimate Edition, which I've heard is better than the theatrical cut. Without further ado... I listened to the opening voiceover three times, twice with subtitles, and I'm still not sure what it means. "What falls...is fallen," is, I suppose, meant to be a way to set up Batman's character arc, that he goes from this nihilistic place to learning to hope again, but hoo boy does it make Batman sound like a pretentious MFA student. As unnecessary as the rehashed Batman origin is, I like that we see Martha Wayne being the proactive one in the alley. We typically see Thomas trying to take control, rushing forward to protect Martha and Bruce, and this is a nice change of pace from that. Batman and Superman's stories tend to be way too dad-centric, especially in adaptations, to the point where Martha Wayne is largely a cypher, despite having existed for almost eighty years. I'm no Batmanologist, but I think the only comic I've read that tried to characterize her at all was Batman: Death and the Maidens. Looking back to Man of Steel, this is an ongoing theme. Moms live longer in the Snyderverse, whether it's a few days, with Lara, a few seconds, with Martha Wayne, or indefinitely, with Martha Kent. Moms are also badasses, with Lara facing down Zod, Martha K. taking on Faora, and here, Martha W. trying to protect Bruce. It's a little weird that the Batcave is apparently adjacent to the Wayne family cemetery plots. Ugh, "the Superman." I'll accept "the Batman" as something people call Batman, but seriously, "the Superman" is what Nietzsche wrote about, not Jerry Siegel. At least, post-1933.

There's a giant alien spaceship destroying cities, and it's been active long enough for Bruce Wayne to ride a helicopter over to Metropolis and drive halfway across town in disaster traffic, but nobody at Wayne Enterprises looks out the window or starts to get out of the building until they get a call from the boss. Those are some dedicated employees, let me tell you. This is also a stark contrast to Superman, who never so much as shouts at bystanders to run during the big fight with Zod. Why doesn't Jack leave the building? It looks like the rest of the staff made it out, and as far as I'm aware, there's no tradition for the CFO or whatever to go down with the ship. Moreover, why does Bruce think he's still in the building? We just saw that he had no cell phone service, so it's not like their call was still connected. This scene tries to do what Man of Steel really failed at, examining the human cost of this destruction, but it doesn't work. There's no reason for Jack to make the sacrifice (at least they could have had him run back into the building to save someone, to make a parallel with Pa Kent in MOS—in the Snyderverse, Moms survive and Father Figures die for no reason), there's no reason for Bruce to think he's not among the evacuees, and we have no emotional connection to this character that we've never seen before in any medium. At least if it were "Lucius," the film could play on audience's previous familiarity with the character to tug some emotional strings, like it does with Jimmy Olsen later, but this is just the movie reaching for an emotional payoff that it hasn't earned. It's the same problem as the Jenny saying "he saved us" in Man of Steel—it relies on characters knowing things because the audience knows them, even though the characters have no way of knowing. It's a weird inversion of dramatic irony. The moment with the little girl who's lost her mom works considerably better, because at least it ties back to the origin flashback. The closest thing we have to a throughline for Batman's character in this movie is that he doesn't like it when people lose their moms. When I rewatched Man of Steel, I kept wondering what impression people on the street would get of Superman, and this is actually a nice reification of that. Bruce sees Superman pushing Zod back down from space, apparently in control, surrounded by debris from a Wayne Enterprises satellite, bringing him right back to the huge, densely-populated city that they were fighting in before, when presumably he could have flown him into the ocean just as easily. Bruce seems to have nothing but contempt for the battling aliens, and that's a way more genuine reaction than seeing him as a hero.

I am just infuriated by the callous incompetence of the Superman in this universe. Eighteen months later and there is still a wrecked alien spaceship leaking radioactive xenomaterials into the Indian Ocean. Like, for a movie so focused on mothers, it doesn't speak well of Martha Kent's character that she never taught her son to clean up his messes. We cut to a fictional country in Africa, where Lois acts like a jerk to Redshirt Jimmy, then sits down to interview General Amajagh with literally no chill. He says that he is "a man with nothing except a love of [his] people," and that's one of those lines that feels important. On one hand, it's more or less exactly what Zod said toward the end of Man of Steel, so that connection's made; on the other, it resonates with Batman's attitude, and Lex Luthor's as well. "These pious American fictions, spoken like truth" is another such line, and Luthor's "oldest lie in America" line echoes it later. The most suspicious thing about Jimmy Olsen is the idea that he'd be using a camera with film in 2016.

Hooray for casually lethal Superman. People like to justify the idea that Superman should be able to kill people in situations like this, where an innocent person is being held at gunpoint by a Bad Guy, because it would be a justified use of lethal force. And that would be true if Superman weren't, you know, Superman. He's not limited in the ways that, say, human law enforcement officers are. Even in the real world, we've seen an epidemic of police officers resorting to lethal force when effective nonlethal options are available. But for Superman, there are always nonlethal options available. We've seen this scenario before a thousand times, where Lois is in danger, held at gunpoint by a Bad Guy, and Superman manages to stop him without killing him. He can grab the gun at super-speed, he can block the bullet from exiting the barrel, he can melt the gun or the firing pin with heat vision, he can knock the Bad Guy out with a flick of his finger. We've seen literally all of those and a dozen other options spread out across half a dozen media for nigh on eight decades. But this is a Superman who defaults to lethal force, and I'm sorry, but that's not a heroic trait. Not in general, and especially not in the world of the last several years. Also, Lois and Superman share this look before he does the death-flight move, and she nods and lets go of Amajagh's arm and braces herself, implying this has happened before, or at least that they've discussed what they'd do in this situation. That adds a layer of complicity to Lois's behavior that's uncomfortable at best. We cut then to Nairomi villager Kahina Ziri's Congressional testimony, where it seems like the security contractors' intent in killing Amajagh's people was to frame Superman for their deaths. Which, first, is wholly unnecessary given that Superman actually does kill Amajagh, and second, would almost certainly be more effective if they had just used the flamethrowers rather than shooting the men and piling their bodies before burning them. Or did this universe's version of Lois Lane's "I Spent the Night with Superman" column mention his bullet-vision? Senator Finch decides to hold Superman responsible for the deaths of Amajagh's people (despite the fact that he stopped the CIA drone strike that also would have killed them, but that's actually fairly believable), and we see that the driving theme of the story is going to be the Responsible Use of Power and Holding the Powerful Accountable. It's a reasonable theme for a Superman movie (it's very similar to the theme of Superman IV, in fact), and a common theme of Superman stories going back to the Golden Age. Rarely, though, is it told through a version of Superman who is so obviously and disastrously irresponsible in his use of power. Ziri turns out to be lying, as part of Luthor's scheme, which is highlighted by how her recounting of events is directly contradicted by what we just saw. Leaving aside the elaborateness of Luthor's scheme, it's not a good look for all these African characters to be either sinister or witless pawns. The cops watching a Gotham/Metropolis football game are call sign Delta Charlie 27, and if you don't catch that Easter egg, don't worry, they repeat it three or four times to drive it home. And hey, if you thought "d***splash" was a weird phrase to hear in a Superman movie, wait 'til Officer Rucka drops an f-bomb. Clark comes in while Lois is in the bath, and right off the bat says he doesn't care what was said at the hearing. Which...kind of validates the point of the hearing. He also says he "didn't kill those men," which isn't quite accurate, is it, Clark? Like Ziri's testimony, Clark here is saying something that is directly at odds with what we just saw. Unlike her, though, we're never given a reason for the incongruity. It's common in superhero stories to have characters survive experiences that would cripple or kill normal humans. People point out how brutal Captain America is to a lot of the guys on the ship at the beginning of The Winter Soldier, and how some of the guys he kicks or throws his mighty shield at would likely have sustained pretty grievous injuries. There are two ways to deal with this; in Winter Soldier, we never really revisit the issue. Whether the anonymous cannon fodder died or were injured or were knocked out never comes up again, so we can assume whatever we like. The other way is to show some indication that, however improbably, the person survived their experience. Having a quick shot where they groan or rub their head or squirm on the ground is pretty commonplace, especially in superhero cartoons, for instance. This movie tries to do the former, treating these minor villains like goons in a beat-em-up arcade game, whose bloodless bodies disappear once their hit points are exhausted. Which might be fine, if not for the fact that "who administers lethal justice" is an explicit theme in the movie. As a result, we're left with an inconsistency between what Clark says and what we saw him do, with enough ambiguity in his words to make us wonder if he's being as duplicitous as Ziri was. Lois points out that there's a cost to his actions, which again feels like one of those "this is thematically important" lines. The Lois and Clark interaction is good here; I like seeing them being affectionate and even physical with one another. And yet, as if to drive home that point about themes, Lois warns him that he's going to flood the apartment if he climbs into the bathtub, and he just smiles and continues. This is a Superman who does what he wants, and damn the consequences. Hope they don't have any downstairs neighbors.

Alfred tells Bruce that "a feeling of powerlessness [...] turns good men cruel," in case you're taking notes on themes. And then this leads into our scene of Silicon Valley Startup CEO Lex Luthor, who offhandedly mentions that his father grew up poor and oppressed in East Germany before launching into his kryptonite weapon pitch. There's some weirdness here in the way they go from kryptonite weapons as deterrents to the "metahuman thesis" which suggests that Lex thinks metahumans are related to Kryptonians, and I wonder if that ties into the rumors from before this movie came out that the Amazons would have been descended from that empty pod on the Kryptonian ship. Lex's negotiations with Senator Jolly Rancher underscore that theme of power, and the abuses thereof. Lex pretends to be interested in preventing the metahumans from instituting a fascist state, but really just wants to be the guy with the launch codes. Much as I dislike this Heath Ledgeresque portrayal of the character (though he's not my least favorite version of Lex), this is a good understanding of the core of Lex's character. Clark has a sad at Kahina on TV pointing out that his actions have consequences. Meanwhile, there's a "beloved" statue of him in Heroes' Park. I wish we had a little indication of how we got to that point, how the city apparently got back to normal and built a massive monument in the span of 18 months. For comparison, only a handful of buildings in a single area were destroyed or damaged in New York on 9/11, and they didn't start constructing the memorial until almost five full years later. A line about how Superman assisted with the cleanup, a shot of a newspaper article on how helpful he was in rebuilding the city, those little things would have helped to make sense of the world we're presented with. As the story actually stands, it's another attempt to have a meaningful moment without actually earning it, and it further undercuts the movie's inconsistent attempts to explore the consequences of these superhero battles. Clark Kent, news reporter, is unaware of the vigilante in the town across the bay whose exploits were literally front page news the day before. So he's actually incompetent at both his jobs. And so is Perry White, who is a cynical jerk here who basically flaunts his lack of integrity. When Clark hits him with the same point that Kahina made on the news, he dismisses the very notion of the American conscience. Lois comes in with the bullet she recovered from Amajagh's camp, which is a one-of-a-kind cutting edge bullet not available anywhere. So, to recap, Lex Luthor had his people use unique, easily-traceable bullets to kill people in an attempt to frame Superman, who does not use guns, for their murder. And yet Lois thinks this means the U.S. government armed the rebels while claiming to support the elected government, even though it was already said that the government was officially neutral, and she knows the CIA was involved in going after Amajagh because she just washed the agent's blood off her shirt. Superman blew up a damn drone on the way to save her. Did he not mention that? One day it'd be nice to get back to superhero costumes that look like they might believably fit under a person's civilian clothes, rather than having to spend all their time on mannequins in those heroes' basements.

Clark Kent, news reporter, doesn't recognize the famous playboy billionaire businessman who lives in the town across the bay, owns an office building that he helped demolish (not to mention a satellite), and who was namechecked by the guy defacing a statue of him. It's bad enough that Clark managed to even get this job when his résumé reads "fisherman, waiter, US Air Force baggage handler," and it's worse that he doesn't find it odd that he, a guy with no more than 1.5 years' newspaper experience who struggles to file sports articles, gets specifically requested to cover a high-class fundraiser, but he hasn't even bothered to research the big-name donors who were specifically invited to the event he's covering? He is staggeringly incompetent. As bad a newsman as this movie's Perry White is, that he even tolerates Clark is a testament to superhuman patience. Clark tells Bruce that he's "seen" the "Bat vigilante," except...no, he hasn't? He's seen a newspaper story about it, and talked to a few people who fear Batman, but he hasn't actually seen Batman. He makes a crack about Batman thinking he's above the law, after scoffing himself at the idea of being accountable to a higher authority a few scenes ago. Again, Bruce is 100% right here: Clark is being a hypocrite, and doesn't even have the "Batman's tactics are too brutal" moral high ground to stand on when he risked an international incident by unnecessarily splattering a warlord through two brick walls. Like, the charitable interpretation here is that Clark is dealing with a crisis of conscience, trying to find an answer to the question of using power responsibly. So he's putting this question to other people with power—Perry, Bruce—in hopes of, what? Finding a satisfying answer for himself? Getting the guidance he seems to need? Exploring alternative points of view? The closest thing we have to a conclusion to this muddled plotline is that Superman sacrifices himself in the end, which could indicate that he realizes there's no way to use this much power responsibly. That would be a potentially interesting take, even if I think it's ultimately at odds with the whole point of Superman. If this were the Dark Knight Rises of the Man of Steel-iverse, a coda to Snyder's version of Superman the way that DKR was for Nolan's Batman, it could work. Instead, this is the springboard for the entire DC shared film universe, so it can't end with the message of "superhumans shouldn't exist because that amount of power inevitably corrupts or has unforseen negative consequences." It has to end with "Superman was actually great and now we need to get all the superhumans together because bad things are coming that regular people can't stop." Even if that weren't the case, we still have a situation where Superman sacrifices himself knowing full well that there is technology that could resurrect him as an unstoppable monster and that there are people willing to do just that. Even if the conclusion of his asinine soul-searching is "no one man should have all this power," his sacrifice doesn't fix that. It just wipes his hands of having to figure out who has that power and how it's used. Even his heroic sacrifice represents an irresponsible attitude toward the enormous power he possesses, and that's almost impressive.

Lex Luthor pops up, and the World's Greatest Detective doesn't find it odd that he knows the name of the occasional sports reporter who's covering the gala. Lex could not be more obvious about knowing who the two of them are. He also mentions that Bruce is finally in Metropolis, "after all these years." Metropolis, you'll recall, was home to a Wayne Enterprises building less than two years ago, and Bruce was heavily enough involved in its operations that he was on a first-name basis with the manager, and the staff didn't bother evacuating until they got the word directly from Mr. Wayne. Like, even if we imagine that Bruce traveling across the harbor to a building he owned was a freak occurrence during the battle, this also suggests that after witnessing and being traumatized by all that destruction, Bruce Wayne didn't bother setting foot in the city to help rebuilding efforts. Clark sees a report about a fire in Juarez and saves a little girl, leading to another "here's some religious imagery" scene, and a talking heads segment about how "every religion believes in a messianic figure," which I'm almost certain is complete nonsense. What's worse is that this segment made me agree with Andrew Sullivan of all people. The last bit poses the same basic question that young Clark asked Pa Kent in Man of Steel: should he just let people die on principle? And yeah, it'd be hard to tell a parent that their kid died because Superman restrained himself from saving them. But isn't it also hard to tell a kid that their parent died because Superman acted without restraint and, say, disabled a spaceship so that it would crash in the middle of a city? There's a fairly rapid-fire sequence where the bat-branded crook from earlier gets transferred to Metropolis and killed on the orders of Luthor's Russian merc, Wally the statue vandal gets released on Luthor-paid bail, gets cleaned up, and meets with Senator Finch, and Lois confirms things she already suspected about the strange bullet (with a bit of bathroom gender essentialism from General Swanwick). Clark gets in another fight with Perry, who tells him "you could stand for something in 1938, but not anymore," which...

And we also learn that not only has Clark Kent, a guy who can travel from the northeast coastal U.S. to Juarez in seconds, hasn't filed either of the stories he's been assigned so far. Like, sports stories don't have a long shelf life, my dude. You are a terrible reporter. We're treated to a painfully unfunny Jon Stewart monologue about Superman wanting not to be considered American anymore. It's weird on several levels, since we've had no indication that Superman's made any statements at this point about...anything, but it's also just not well-written. Superman must be American because he wears red and blue and has an S on his chest? It's a bigger stretch than the right-wing radio host I heard circa 1997 saying that the blue-and-white electric costume meant Superman now represented the United Nations. It makes more sense as a response to that Goyer-penned story from a few years back about Superman renouncing his U.S. citizenship, but even then it's still not good. Verbal sparring with Bruce and Diana, then we get the "Knightmare" sequence. I want to laugh about Batman wearing a mask over his mask, but honestly that's pretty true to the character.

Mad Bat-Max fights Superman Nazis and Parademons with guns until Superman kills him for taking "her" from him, presumably Lois. And then the Flash shows up to say "Bruce! Bruce! Justice League premieres in November, 2017! Mark your calendars!" or something. Did we need two scenes back to back where Bruce dreamily realizes that Lois Lane is important and Superman is bad (though Flash is notably vague with his pronouns)? Do we have any indication at all as to what's behind Batman's weird dreams? I've seen Justice League at this point, and I still can't answer those questions. Speaking of scenes we've already seen, Clark Kent gets a mysterious envelope with the Batman newspaper article he waved around earlier and a bunch of Polaroids of that dead bat-branded criminal, with the phrase "Judge Jury Executioner" written on the bottom. Literally none of this, down to that phrasing, is news to Clark, but hey anything worth doing is worth doing twice I guess. Also, even though he hasn't published anything about Batman, even though he's only asked a handful of people about the Bat vigilante, he doesn't stop to wonder who would send him these pictures, or whether it might be an attempt to manipulate him. Bruce learns that the White Portuguese is a ship, which I feel like he probably could have found out without downloading Lex's mainframe. He already knows about the kryptonite, and he knows it's being delivered to Lex Luthor, so he's going to steal it and use it to kill Superman, based on logic straight out of the Iraq war. It's a bad argument, especially for a guy who we know doesn't care about the consequences of his branding low-level thugs but has allowed the Joker to keep on living. It is easy to craft actual reasons to rein in the reckless, inexperienced, cavalier Superman of this universe, but Batman manages to be just as wrong and just as hypocritical as Superman. For the record, I think this is really the turning point of the movie, the sequence from Knightmare to this point. This is where the movie takes a hard right turn from a kind of fascinating mediocre to Actually Bad. All these overwrought dialogue-heavy scenes hammering on the same points as though the universe itself is trying to force Batman and Superman to fight, because it is. It's not just Luthor; as much as he's orchestrating, he isn't behind Batman's dreams or the branded crook's girlfriend being in the police station when Superman shows up. Every conversation Clark and Bruce have is driving them to fight each other because that's the title of the movie, not because it makes sense for either of their characters. And they both have to be hypocritical idiot fanatics for the plot to make any sense at all. I was going to say that this is plot driving character, but it's not, because there's not enough of either. This is a fight scene driving everything else. The battle between Batman and Superman is the given, and nothing else needs to make sense so long as it ends up with them fighting. So, after seeing Days of Future Bats using a handgun, we get a fakeout with him aiming a sniper rifle at the guys hauling the kryptonite. Psych, it's actually a tracer! Batman doesn't kill people, silly! And then he Batmobile-rams an apparently-occupied car so that it flips over several times and takes out a trailer office. Psych! Batman totally kills people. Okay, so maybe the office was empty, and maybe that car was just sitting next to all the other occupied cars, with its headlights on, but empty as well. Maybe? Maybe you can argue that he didn't kill anyone with it. Not so much after he harpoons it and uses it to flatten a car with at least four guys in it. And then uses his hood-mounted bat-guns to 1000% kill at least another two in an SUV.  I won't even blame him for the guy he let drive into a tanker truck, but he definitely decapitates at least one more with his car driving through the top of the semi carrying the kryptonite.

Are we supposed to be okay with this because Batman only has the power to kill dozens of people, rather than millions? Is his argument against Superman really just a matter of numbers? The thing about this scene that's most galling, though, is how unnecessary it is. Batman knows what ship the kryptonite is on, where it's docking, who's taking it, and where they're planning to deliver it. He puts a tracking device on the truck. There is no reason whatsoever for him to be chasing after them in his sports tank. He kills at least seven people and endangers at least a half-dozen other drivers we see on the road because, what, sneaking was too hard for The Batman? He was too lazy to set up an ambush? Nothing in this scene makes sense, and it thoroughly undermines what little moral high ground Batman had. It makes him look less like he's upset that Superman endangers people and more like he's just upset that Superman does it more efficiently. And then his car bounces off of Superman, which is actually a pretty cool idea. I always like it when Superman's powers are treated kind of casually; it makes him seem so effortlessly powerful. But then he gives Batman this 'go home and stop being Batman, or else' speech, and Batman asks "do you bleed," and ugh. That little detour kept Batman from pursuing the kryptonite shipment, so instead he uses the tracer. Surprise, it's at a LexCorp research facility! Except now they know Batman's after them! World's Greatest Detective, everybody! Lois meets with the General again and gives him the bullet. Senator Finch asks Superman to come to Congress. Lex ogles the kryptonite. Superman meets with Martha Kent, who tells him "when people see what you do, then they'll know who you are." She follows this up with "you're not a killer. You're not a threat." Except that he is. He's both of those things. He killed Zod, he killed Amajagh, and that's just the two we've seen directly, that's not even blaming him for all those killed in collateral damage. The last time we saw him in costume, he was literally threatening Batman. Martha's pouring a big ol' glass of Granny's Peach Tea right here. And then "you don't owe this world a thing. You never did," which is a pretty garbage sentiment, there, Martha. It's no wonder that this Superman doesn't bother to clean up his messes, doesn't think he should be held accountable, doesn't seem to have much agency beyond asking other people what he should do, if that's the message he's been getting his whole life. Hide your abilities to save yourself, you don't have to help people...these aren't the philosophies that build a hero. And Superman doesn't argue with her, doesn't plead a case. He just looks melancholy.

Ziri sees the contractors, then goes back to tell Sen. Finch that she lied before. The General meets back up with Lois to tell her that the bullet was developed by LexCorp and that it was a setup to make Superman look responsible. So, again, LexCorp hired mercenaries directly, armed them with unique LexCorp-designed bullets, and had them shoot a bunch of people to frame Superman, who doesn't use guns, for killing them, when he did in fact kill their leader and didn't actually need to be framed for anything. Everyone in this movie is an idiot. Perry won't run Lois's story against Luthor on the word of an anonymous source, and Finch knows that Ziri lied about pretty much everything because Luthor threatened her. So, if all this could be stirred up by one witness lying, why did they even need to kill the villagers in the first place? Luthor shows up, sends Mercy into the Congressional chamber, and tells Sen. Finch that the oldest lie in America is "that power can be innocent." And, again, he's right. We know he's right. Superman and Batman's reckless abuses of their respective powers makes them both responsible for unnecessary, avoidable, unjust deaths. And while you might argue that Luthor's being a hypocrite here, since his men push Ziri in front of a subway train and since he's about to blow up Congress, it's not like he's exempting himself from that statement. Luthor is willing to use his power, lethally if necessary, unilaterally to achieve his own ends. How is he any different from our two ostensible protagonists? We've seen this kind of question asked before, particularly in Lex Luthor stories. Luthor is cynical, megalomaniacal, and narcissistic. He can't imagine that Superman would use his power altruistically because he can't believe that anyone wields power without expecting something in return. And in these stories, we know that Luthor is projecting his own flaws onto Superman because he's unwilling to accept that he might be wrong. But having the Superman of these films, who uses his power irresponsibly and doesn't care about accountability, recontextualizes Luthor's position. He's no longer obviously wrong, no longer clearly trying to justify his own actions. This Luthor is a power-hungry narcissist, sure, but when opposed to a cavalier, unrestrained Superman, he's got a point. Anyway, in keeping with the movie's need to hammer every point home, Senator Finch chokes on her speech no less than three times as we take four long, loving shots at the jar labeled "Granny's Peach Tea" on her lectern. Then the Wallybomb blows and Superman just stands there, looking melancholy. Was his last line when he threatened Batman? Is this meant to be another allegory, Christ remaining silent under Pilate's questioning or something? Or is this Superman just a passive observer when he's not chasing down the Batman story or murdering warlords? Like, seriously, the U.S. Capitol Building just exploded. There are probably people in other rooms. There are priceless artifacts in this building. Maybe don't just stand there?

To Superman's credit, we do see him rescue a woman and bring her to the EMTs. And then he looks melancholy at Lois and flies off. The Capitol is still smoking, EMTs are working with people on stretchers, cops are zipping up body bags, but Superman doesn't try to reassure the crowd, doesn't ask the first responders how he can help, doesn't tell Lois what happened or where he's going. He just flies away. It's as if the filmmakers heard the criticism that Superman barely saves anyone in Man of Steel, and put this in as a "fine, see? He saved someone. Happy now?" As if Superman's got better things to do than help people who need help. We learn on the TV at Wayne Manor that first responders are still bringing victims out. Superman has to at least suspect that this was targeting him, right? And he just disappears, rather than help people who got hurt because they were near him. It's a theme for this version of Superman. Naturally, this drives Batman to go steal the kryptonite from Luthor's lab, which he was already going to do but now I guess he did it angrier. Superman has a sad with Lois about how he shouldn't have even bothered with helping people, and it was his dad's dream anyway. Lex gets into the Kryptonian ship's database, Batman does crossfit and makes his kryptonite weapons, and then he gets into Luthor's "META_HUMAN" folder where he's helpfully assigned the Justice League handy symbols and, apparently, names (or two-letter designations that just happen to correspond to their names).

If you were worried that maybe you wouldn't recognize one of the surveillance shots of Diana, it's okay, she always makes sure to look directly at the camera. But we get to hear her amazing theme music for the first time, so that's good. Luthor brings Zod's body into the Kryptonian ship and drips his own blood on it for reasons, and in the Daily Planet office and around the world, people are debating the degree of Superman's complicity in the bombing of Congress. It's not entirely fair to pin that on him, but the point that he's got nigh-unlimited power and did nothing to prevent people from being killed can be levied on other things he's done, so it's kind of a wash. Lois Lane, who generally makes out pretty good in these movies, sits at home watching TV, where they've figured out who the bomber was, but still haven't ruled out Superman as a co-conspirator. Because if he wanted to kill a whole bunch of people, he'd have some rando who hates him build a bomb. I can't decide what's dumber: that Lex keeps trying to frame Superman for murder with tactics that Superman doesn't use, or that people buy it. Lois eventually gets up and investigates Wally (and learns that the bullet and wheelchair were made of the same metal, because why not? Lex Luthor, criminal mastermind everybody), but she's weirdly passive here. You'd think she'd already be out fighting to clear Superman's name, badgering police officers and so forth. So much of this movie happens to our protagonists. Clark's already been sad in a field, and sad in a building, and sad in a city, so now he gets to be sad on a mountain.

And look, sad dead dad is there too, giving a speech about well-intended actions having unintended negative consequences. There's no clear message here. Is Pa saying that trying to be a hero means other people will get hurt?

That having a loving relationship will assuage your guilt? You'd expect there to be some kind of turning point to this conversation, that Clark would hear what he needs to hear, either that he's doing the right thing or the wrong thing, but we don't really get that. At most, it implies that he should listen to Lois (or maybe Martha), but even that's a bit of a stretch. Martha Kent gets kidnapped, Lois Lane gets kidnapped, and Lex throws her off a building so he can ramble Theology 101 at Superman. We get confirmation that Lex's dad was abusive, which hearkens all the way back to Alfred's comment about powerlessness making men cruel. We also get confirmation that Lex knows who Batman and Superman really are, because of course he does. He's going to force Superman to kill Batman so that the public sees what a monster Superman is. For killing a guy who's already a criminal vigilante that the papers say have gone too far. He also had Martha tied up, humiliated, and photographed, for a bit of that Killing Joke flair. Superman tells Lois that he has to convince Batman to help him, or he has to die, and the first part of that would ring truer if he hadn't threatened Batman earlier. Strange doings are afoot at the Kryptonian spaceship, and Wonder Woman reads her e-mail one 18-point line at a time.

When Superman confronts Batman, he sends some mixed messages. He tries talking, admits he was wrong, says there's no time, then shoves him because why not? It's not like he's in a hurry or anything. He hits Batman for no reason except that he has to hit Batman in order to fulfill the promise of the title. He also keeps throwing Batman, when he could pretty easily restrain him in order to, you know, ask for the help he needs. Instead, he's got to win the pissing match.

The bit where Batman's punching Superman in the face until the kryptonite gas wears off is very well done. It's one of the best bits of Superman fight choreography ever on film, up there with the bullet to the eye in Superman Returns and the punch-rush-punch in the Zod battle in Man of Steel. It's also pretty great that Batman literally hits him with a kitchen sink. He tells Superman that his parents, dying in the gutter, taught him "the world only makes sense if you force it to," which seems like a good metaphor for this movie. People seem to be able to derive a lot of messages out of this film, largely because it throws a whole bunch of stuff out that's meant to seem deep even if none of them actually fit together coherently. And then "you're letting him kill Martha," which is, yes, dumb from every possible angle. Superman doesn't specify who "him" is, doesn't specify who "Martha" is (but we get some flashback sequences to remind you that Bruce Wayne's mom was also named Martha!), and this doesn't make Batman even more enraged since he got that letter earlier about how he let his family die. I do like that Lois saves Superman. And suddenly they're all bestest friends, after wasting a bunch of time in a totally avoidable way. Batman kills several people from his bulletproof plane with his giant bat-Gatling gun, kills a few more dudes in the next fight, and finally kills the Russian in a scene pulled from Dark Knight Returns. Except in Dark Knight Returns, that scene stands out as a kind of turning point for Batman, because despite how ruthless he is in battles up to that point, killing a guy with a gun is still a line he doesn't typically cross. In this movie, Batman's already used a gun in a prophetic dream sequence, and he's been cavalier about killing people already, so it's just another notch on the utility belt here.

Martha and Batman's banter is very good, though. Doomsday is born amidst Luthor's continued nonsense about killing gods, and let's talk about Doomsday for a second. My feelings on Doomsday are well-documented (and oddly similar to my feelings about Zod), but I have a soft spot for the big galoot because the Death of Superman got me into Superman comics. Doomsday, for all that he's a long-haired bone monster in bike shorts, was a distinctive monster. This version of Doomsday, on the other hand, is basically indistinguishable from trolls we've seen in Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter movies. He's slimy, he's smooth, and somehow turning into a monster gave General Zod the groin of a Ken doll. His design is totally uninteresting. Even making him into something more clearly a misshapen hybrid of Zod and Luthor would have been better than this gray hulk. He gets bony and glowy later, but it's still weirdly restrained compared to the designs we've seen in the comics. Superman saving Luthor from Doomsday's punch is one of the few moments that a recognizable Superman comes through in this movie. Doomsday has his King Kong moment, and Wonder Woman wonders if maybe her great power entails some kind of great responsibility. Superman and Doomsday get nuked because it gives the movie an excuse to do another Dark Knight Returns scene devoid of its context. Batman realizes that Doomsday is Kryptonian, so rather than flying over to the spear and returning to the uninhabited island that Doomsday currently occupies, he thinks the best plan is to lead the rampaging indestructible murder monster back through the heavily populated city whose partial destruction so traumatized him before, so he can retrieve the kryptonite spear there and kill it. These are literally the worst superheroes. Thankfully, Wonder Woman shows up to save his bacon and to improve the movie by a billion times or so with her awesome theme music. Batman mentions that the port is abandoned, in a nice illustration of how a line or two can smooth over apparent plot holes (though I suspect the buildings Doomsday heat-visioned to get at the Batwing weren't quite so unoccupied).

It's about as elegant a solution as the "Duke's alive!" dub at the end of the G.I. Joe Movie, but several scenes would have benefited from more of that. Superman does the heroic sacrifice thing, and it's more necessary than I gave it credit for the first time I saw it. Wonder Woman is occupied keeping Doomsday tied up, Batman is out of his league, and Superman's clearly struggling to do a head-on charge with the kryptonite spear, so getting around to hit it from behind isn't much of an option. Unlike the end of Man of Steel, this feels much more genuinely like there wasn't another choice, rather than like the writers painted themselves into a corner. Some black ops guys go spelunking into the Kryptonian ship to find Luthor communing (?) with Steppenwolf (???), then take him into custody, where he gets his head shaved. The Daily Planet runs with a simply godawful headline, "SUPERMAN DEAD[:] NIGHT OF TERROR MORNING OF LOSS," which leads me to believe that all the copy editors died during Zod's attack. Clark Kent also died, and the Daily Planet prints in color on interior pages, so they must be doing all right. At the memorial for Clark, Martha gives Lois an envelope Clark had sent to surprise her, and it's an engagement ring. I could quibble with the logic of this scene, but it's poignant enough to let it pass.

The dual funeral scene is done pretty well, jumping back and forth between the big to-do at what appears to be the Metropolis branch of Arlington National Cemetery, and the more understated service in Smallville. The Smallville priest does a really weird reading that's clearly about resurrection, rather than a more standard Psalm, but it's ~*~foreshadowing~*~. Bruce and Diana talk about the Avengers Initiative, and now Batman believes men can be good, and they can rebuild. He's so full of hope now. For reasons. Batman comes to visit Lex Luthor with his Bat-branding iron, and says he's going to have Lex transferred to Arkham Asylum. Lex raves about bells and another pronoun that presumably belongs to some Apokolips thing, setting up the sequel, and I'm just tired. And then the dirt levitates off of Superman's coffin. Final thoughts: I'm definitely not as angry this time around as I was walking out of the theater a year and a half ago. Whether that's because the Ultimate Edition hangs together better or because I spaced it out over the course of three days or because I knew what to expect, I really can't say. So, positives: Ben Affleck isn't bad as Batman, Henry Cavill and Amy Adams do fine with what they're given, and Wonder Woman is great. The rest? There are scenes, like Amajagh's death or the aftermath of the Zod battle, that would be improved with a single line. "I dropped him off at an Interpol office." "Superman led the rebuilding efforts." "Rubber bullets, honest." Those would be clunky telling-not-showing moments, but they could easily smooth over some of the film's bigger problems. On the other hand, we have so many unnecessary scenes, things that happen over and over, driving home muddled thematic points (power, gods, etc.) or references ("Martha," "granny's peach tea," etc.) so that even the most inattentive viewer is going to catch everything the filmmakers thought was significant. What's telling is the things they thought insignificant. The text of the movie is so preoccupied with putting a human face to the casualties of these superhero battles and the ability to decide who lives and who dies, but the visual language of the movie doesn't care about those things at all. I keep harping on Amajagh's death because it's the clearest example of this; Superman slams the guy through two stone walls, and he is never mentioned again. The text of the film suggests that Superman didn't kill anyone in the village, but we have no reason whatsoever to think that he didn't kill that guy that we definitely watched him kill. Batman is so angered by Superman's callous disregard for life, then goes hurling cars around with no regard for safety, and no justification in the plot. During that chase sequence, I had a hard time judging just how many people he killed because of the effects shots. A car that was visibly full of dudes shooting at Batman before the stunt...

...is empty immediately after.

The text of the movie is telling us about how dangerous it is to let individuals decide who lives and who dies, and real people get hurt as a consequence even to well-intentioned actions. But the visuals tell a different story, that violence is cool and bloodless, that victims of violence don't even matter enough to be shown on the receiving end of that violence, and that those who commit crimes deserve neither due process nor the continued freedom to live (unless they're good criminals like the titular protagonists). This is a problem, and this kind of dissonance subverts every message the movie is trying to send, every theme it's trying to explore. Take, for instance, the repeated, not-even-subtextual theme of power: who has it, who abuses it, and how to hold the powerful accountable. We have three powerful characters who abuse their power: Superman, Batman, and Lex Luthor. Of the three, only one is punished for it: Lex, whose punishment comes in the form of Batman continuing to abuse his power by threatening him in prison and sending him to get abused in Arkham. Batman forgives Superman for the death and destruction that followed in his wake because of his sacrifice, and he feels no need to turn himself in or moderate his actions, just to assemble an army because Marty McFlash said he should. Heck, Batman's justification for building the kryptonite arsenal and Superman trap is ludicrous even judging these characters as they are (as opposed to how the movie wants us to see them), but he's vindicated because if he'd failed to build those weapons, Lex Luthor would have destroyed the city and probably the world with his laserface murdermonster. And to what end? Lex Luthor's master plan requires him to be both a Xanatosian genius and a complete idiot. He figures out Superman and Batman's true identities, manipulates them in ways that end up being both obvious and unnecessary (unless we're meant to believe that he plants Santos's wife in the police station for Clark to meet), and all so he can turn General Zod's corpse into a monster that immediately tries to kill him? If the implication is meant to be that he's been under Apokoliptian control the whole time, it might have been a good idea to make that clear (maybe trade one of the piss jar shots for that). As it stands, it looks like Luthor's plan was to occupy Superman and Batman long enough that he could destroy the world. For a movie that clearly has ambitions of being more complex and deep and dark than your standard superhero fare, that's an incredibly cartoonish goal. And that's kind of the story of the whole movie. You can't argue that Batman V. Superman: Dawn of Justice isn't ambitious. It has aspirations of being deep and meaningful, of exploring the meaning of superheroes in a real world, the human costs of their battles, the responsible use of power and the methods we might use to hold the powerful accountable for their abuses. But it's not so invested in exploring these ideas that it's willing to tone down the explosions and lethal violence. It gives us two protagonists who are like parodies of the characters they're meant to be. Batman is a terrible detective who hates Superman for endangering people's lives, but who kills criminals for no reason and doesn't care who gets hurt in his crusade for his idea of justice. Superman vacillates between cavalier and passive, either using his powers with reckless abandon or asking other people what he should do but not actually coming to a position himself beyond "being Superman is dumb." He acts like saving people is a chore (much like doing his assignments for the paper), like accountability and responsibility are grave impositions on his brooding time. The movie dwells a lot on parents and the lessons we learn from them, so maybe it's intentional that our three principal male characters are all emotionally-stunted man-children who need to grow the hell up. I doubt it, though. All this wouldn't be such a problem if we weren't continually being told by the text of the film that Superman saves people and is a symbol of hope and doesn't kill, that Batman is concerned about one man having the ability to kill and using it so irresponsibly. The text of the movie is at odds with the visuals, with the world that was created in Man of Steel, and with its own larger role in building a Justice League shared universe. And none of these elements quite jive with the story that the filmmakers clearly wanted to tell. So, in the end, just as in Man of Steel, we see the villain's philosophy validated. Power isn't innocent in this world. Everyone with power in this movie is corrupt or compromised, from Amajagh to Luthor to Superman to Batman to Perry freaking White. Even Wonder Woman is tarnished a bit when you realize that, according to her stated backstory, she didn't think it necessary to fight off the alien army that tried to kryptoform the world two years back. She just spends her time going to fancy galas. There might be an interesting story to tell along those themes, about how the powerful must either be corrupted or paralyzed by their power, but the movie can't decide what it wants to be. Is it a sincere meditation on the nature of power and accountability? A smash-bang action movie built around a classic superhero fight-then-team-up? A deconstruction of superhero morality in a real-world context? A mash-up adaptation of Dark Knight Returns and the Death of Superman? An exploration of the unintended consequences and human cost of these summer blockbuster set pieces? These ideas fight for dominance, and none of them ever quite gains the upper hand. The result is this muddled, cynical mess of an action-driven film that wants to say something important but never quite figures out what. Bottom line: if you want to watch a movie that attempts to explore the "must there be a Superman" question, features some brooding, an inconsistent tone, and a great cast doing their best with a story that can't live up to its potential, I know one that gets it done in half the time:

[theexistentiallawyer-blog]

The 5 Ghosts of a Law Firm’s Past

Every law firm has them. Strike that -- every law practice, whether a government agency or a private practice law firm, has them. They are the five ghosts of legal past, and much like the three ghosts of Christmas past that drone over poor Scrooge in the story, they, too, have something to tell you. For what are we, as young lawyers, but the Scrooge’s of our own Christmas Carol? Preferably the Bill Murray version, but the animated Jim Carry version will suffice. So here they are, the five archetypal lawyers you will meet in almost any legal practice:

1. The Office Scrooge

The office scrooge is an easy one to spot. This is the lawyer that spends most of its time confined within the walls of its own office. The lights are often kept dim, and the boxes of files seem never ending. In the rare occasion that it leaves its own office, the office scrooge can be observed near the coffee maker or the lounge with a characteristic grimace on its face. Be wary of having a conversation with one too early in the morning (or, honestly, at any time). Its tenure as a lawyer has probably spanned over twenty years, so we’re talking about a partner or a chief prosecutor or something like that. Battle hardened and cynical, the office scrooge has seem some sh@t in its day, and the Korea-esque PTSD is visible. Need to know where a file is kept? Wondering about case law in a certain matter? This person probably isn’t your first go-to, unless you want to be sneered at and “buhumbugged” on your way to your cubical/windowless office. But do not be discouraged. Just like Scrooge himself, this person will come around as you move through your legal tenure at the office. You just might be surprised at how knowledgeable they can be, and willing to lend you a hand in the tightest bind. Like I said, they’ve seen some sh@t in their day -- they know a thing or two.

2. The Office Daredevil 

This one is certainly no exception in the law firm or legal department setting. A daredevil not in the sense of jumping a ramp with a motorcycle, but one modeled after the Marvel Superhero that is the icon of our profession (sometimes). For those unknowing, Daredevil is a lawyer-by-day and superhero-by-night. Every firm comes complete with one. At the risk of being too gender specific, this lawyer does usually tend to be a guy. One with a daily schedule that seems to go “meeting > gym > court > gym > depositions > gym > go shopping for tight tailored shirts > gym > nightclub.” Who knows, as a younger lawyer, this might even be you! Don’t get too excited, though, because the lawyer that fits this bill perfectly is usually a partner -- one with enough time and money to spend bodybuilding on weeknights and being a community hero on weekends. Although he might not fight crime per se, his heroics come in the form of marathons, charity 5K’s, and community service every single waking moment, complete with Facebook posts and all (because, if you help out the community and don’t post it on Facebook, did you even help anyone?).

3. The Litigious Lion 

Barista prepared the coffee with too much sugar? Breach of contract. Phone call from a bank while you’re on the treadmill? Violation of the FDCPA. Doesn’t really matter whether it is warranted or not, this character is always ready to sue. Over pretty much everything. So, you’ll often see this lawyer in the firm ordering lunch into the office. You might see them accidentally skipped-over when the associate makes a coffee-run. This is in no way by accident, because this person’s behavior has pretty much made isolated them from certain firm activities like lunch out, or happy-hour drinks at the local bar after work. This lawyer resembles that friend in your group that you accidentally forget to invite on the Friday night plans (every single Friday). You just can’t take them out, because whatever the situation they will find a way/reason to threaten to sue (even if it’s because they haven’t dressing on the side of the salad). Who fits this bill? Look for the senior associate that has been practicing for a few years, but finally received the jump from office-lackey to “we trust you with the trials, but please don't f**k this up.” The newfound power makes them want to file a complaint in every which way possible -- the word “settlement” does not exist in their vocabulary, to the dismay of all of the partners. So, he or she is left behind from the firm lunch outings, happy-hour events, with the hopes that they will take it down a notch before let out into the common population.

4. The Dude (Abides)

It’s true. We all have a “dude” in the practice. Now, he or she may not directly resemble the archetype that Jeff Bridges set forth in the cult classic film, but certain elements are still present. The dude will often dress too casually for the setting they are in. If you’re in a mid-sized, private practice firm, the dude might be caught in khaki slacks or a sweater-style jacket or blouse too often. If you’re in a government practice, it might resemble the same thing with the occasional pair of jeans thrown in the mix. Think the almighty corporate litigation firms are without their own “dude?” Think again -- they have a few dudes, their dudes are often dude-ier than the rest of them (or as the French say, “dudiér,” probably). They present well in their brooks brothers or bespoke suits, but no sooner than walking into their own offices do the ties come undone, the jackets thrown on the chair (despite a perfect coat rack in the corner) and the sleeves rolled up. All to the dismay of the firm principle (who does he/she think they are, anyways?). Sometimes, you might even find them in an oxford shirt with button-down collar and maybe a a few days’ worth of bird growth. Not enough of a beard to qualify as a “beard,” but just enough to say “I have slept passed my alarm all week long, otherwise I would have shaved.” This is a dead giveaway. What about those in the in-house counsel setting? Well, they are probably all dudes -- in fact, being a dude in the truest sense is almost a requisite to be employed as in-house counsel. Whatever setting they are in, the one sure-fire way to spot a “dude” is that they always, always abide.

5. The Louis Litt

Perhaps the last one you want to deal with, but find yourself in the closest contact with. As a new associate, summer associate, or even law clerk -- we all know the Louis. He or she is the attorney that is either in charge of the associates in a big-law firm setting (as Louis Litt’s character in the show “Suits” does), or an attorney in a private firm, government agency, or other practice environment that takes it upon themselves to...well...”foster your learning and growth as a young attorney.” Translated into English, this entails that they; bombard you with stories of how bad it was when they were an associate and good you have it, speak to you in a language of threats (which are often as hollow as a bird’s nest), and continuously refer to you not by name, but by endearing labels such as “you,” “my office, now,” or “what was your name? Whatever, file this by end of day” (because why would they learn it? You’re a glorified lackey with a Bar Card to them). As you gain experience, you will come to realize that the Louis Litt’s of our world are both a detriment to your existence and a much-needed check on those rare new associates that start day one with a “fear not, I have arrived” demeanor. We can all agree that these new associates, even members of your own cohort, are an embarrassment to all new lawyers and law school graduates alike. As they say, the enemy of my enemy is my friend.

Honorable Mention: The Michael Clayton

Why? Well, he or she is the firm’s fixer, just like George Clooney in “Michael Clayton.” The one you call when you’ve f**ked everything up. Which you will, at some point, do. Find this person. Love this person. Buy them coffee. They are your much-needed support.