#and it sucks bc there's ALWAYS collateral damage and i dont want pity bc i feel like i dont deserve it

[hella1975]

Another taob chapter of you seeing inside my soul and writing it all out. The Gaang seeing what Zuko is doing and being hurt by it but still not letting him self destruct while Also still being like “you have to apologize that wasn’t cool” while holding his hand to show “you’re still valued, we still want you here, you deserve kind things” is making my chest hurt. I have always wanted that and never gotten it. Taob Zuko is the most character of all time for me and every chapter he gets closer to my chest. Also I’m sorry you relate to him bc so do I and it fucking sucks lol. Seeing yourself be mean while internally going “what am I doing! Stop you’re making things worse!” But being unable to stop? Oh my god I had Never seen that described by someone who gets it. You can feel guilty in the moment it’s not always hours after, you can feel bad and want to shut up before you even get the first word out because you already know you’re gonna say it. I think me and you are made from the same mold because what the fuck. Also I send you asks about taob so often I’m gonna start signing them just so you know all the things in a collective that I think about it - 🫐

blueberry anon we are starting a support group for people like us i am holding ur hand so tight this means a lot to me bc even though i wrote the chapter ive still - like you - literally NEVER seen this actually be illustrated in a... forgiving (?) light before. like i understand it's a fine line between saying this behaviour is okay and completely demonising it, but just having it be treated kindly is huge. like it's such a horrible horrible side of mental illness bc not only is it really hard to glamorise and therefore gets sidelined/not talked about, but you also are FULLY aware of how much of a cunt you're being. sometimes - like you said - you are literally aware of it in the moment and there's a voice screaming at you to just please shut the fuck up but you CANT, and other times it takes a bit to calm down before you snap out of that mindset and just look at the mess you've made like 'what the fuck', but regardless of the guilt, the accountability is still yours. i wanted to show in this chapter that a person can take accountability for those things and still be treated kindly. so often the moment you lash out or actually show a mean/ugly side of mental illness, people drop you and it's hard to even blame them, which ironically tends to make that need for self-destruction worse and you get stuck in a really awful cycle. but katara was clear that zuko had done wrong and needed to apologise, and she still held his hand in spite of it.

im glad you could find the same comfort in that as i did x