#and it makes me feel like I'm nto doing enough and I need a job
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#unpopular opinion and im open to people convincing me otherwise#but ive been seeing all these posts about how bucks impulsiveness and recklessness and all around all his complexes are all based off of#him 'deeply undervaluing his own life' and generally having su//dal tendencies. and they all make so much sense and i really agree#but here's a hot take: maybe someone with su//dal tendencies shouldn't be a firefighter. someone who does nto care about their own safety#should not have a job that inherently puts them in compromising positions with a high risk of death.#like i'm seeing so many people being like yes buck is su//dal. no buck does not value his own life. yes being a firefighter is dangerous.#yes there is a high risk of death. yes buck is a firefighter. all of this is fine :) i have no problem with any of this :)#like ???? i mean i get it's a tv show so whatever but !! it's literally not ok!! get that boy to some safety!! idk what the fuck is going o#n in his therapy sessions bc whatever dr copeland is doing is either not working well enough or not working at all.#he still has the same complexes he did last season and it's like :// its kind of weird to see everyone always treating buck like he's super#young/an impulsive teen but he's a grown man !! he can/should be able to make his own decisions if he's going to continue being a firefigh#ter!! he needs to be able to have room to grow otherwise he's gonna be like this forever and he is just Not happy right now. i want him to#be happy (as i'm sure everyone does ) and he needs the time and space and resources to do that. his job and the access to such dangerous s#situations do Not seem to be helping him.#so i'm not saying he should drop the job permanently--of course not--but maybe take a leave of absence or something.#it's just really uncomfortable to see a character/someone who is clearly struggling and everyone around him is just like. poor baby :(#i'm sorry you feel like this :( but we're going to continue like this is sad but fine and not make any changes surrounding your environment#or job :( because this issue will fix itself :(#like. clearly it has not.#like right now it seems like both the fandom and other characters in the show (ish) are in this weird position where they see buck's#impulsiveness and recklessness and refuse to hold him accountable and expect him to mature#OR they see his actions and recognize they're the manifestation of deep-seated issues/mental illness he has and YET refuse to remove him#from places where those issues can have devastating consequences on his life or get him better help.
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I'm so wired, I do an interview week after next with my acceptance literally decided after we finish, I've got to call my other two schools to set up tours and interviews, there's so many papers to do and I'm just so out of it, like I'm stressed and tense but I just don't remember anything?? I need my meds back and to get on my writing and figure this out, I'm not gonna be good for anyone if I can't get my shit together now
#personal#like I may have a paper due this weekend that I haven't started or it could be next week#I haven't taken a mythology quiz in a week and I haven't turned in a single geographyassignment that in remember#I show up to class ute very things feels on absent becauseallmy energy is going to the nerves of trying to get into school#and also have some semblance of friends like my mom said I only have Doris that online ones don't count#and it makes me feel like I'm nto doing enough and I need a job#I can't work and school and plot everything else#I can't wait till I can get out and figure something out#I did some art therapy today that I really liked but when I showed my mom she said itwasn't like me#and idk I'm stressed and tired and I'm not sleeping and I just need to forget all the Hollins shit and move on
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