#and it is looking like a pretty lonely existance rn :')

[your-ne1ghbor]

Asha design reference I think idk (TKORAT AU)

She kinda reminds me of young Amaya unironically lol

(probably bc Amaya gave Asha her old clothes 💀💀💀)

(Or that I was playing with my style again for the millionth time)

I FORGOT HER FUCKING FRECKLES NOOOOOOOOO

Also been thinking about changing her sidekick animal to smth different but idk what tbh 🐀

HEheh ofc I had to draw silly angst and moment together

For her dress, Im not even done with it. I wanna add patterns that represents her and the kingdom but idk how to execute it outfit wise atm. Plus, I wanna fix some problems I have with the dress, mainly the middle and top part as well since it really reminds me of FS! Asha and I dont really want that and wasn't trying to go for that 😭

The hair was pretty fun ngl. I got to see a ton of styles in box braids and they're all really pretty :D. I simply went for the pulled back box braids since I thought it fit her well design wise.

The crown was the easiest. I was just simply looking at crowns from medieval times and I kinda got reminded of The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, And the Wardrobe. Specifically the ending where the kids got their crowns.

I felt like it just fit her design wise. But that probs just me being a sucker for flower crowns right now smh 🤦‍♀️

Going back to the dress, I was heavily looking up Spain Outfits from medieval times including some other ones, like the French outfits for example, mainly as inspriation for the outfit so I can come up with my own design of a dress for Asha :D

The rest of the dress kinda came from my pencil, I was just sketching until the design looked right to me and then was like: YES haha

I did look at her early concept version's of Asha as well, but it was only for her hair, since it is always the hair I have trouble with

(plus this is one of my fav styles I see Asha in from the art book lol)

Idk if this will be her ACTUAL FINAL design, but ig it is a part of the process of my overthinking :')

Annnnnndddd ofc thinking how I am gonna traumatize her in her childhood. Hell yeah...

...

:(

[phagodyke]

ahh.. I have tickets for a small music festival tmr which I went to last year + had a whale of a time but this year theres only like 2 artists I wanted to see but they released the schedule a couple days ago and neither are playing before 9:30pm. since I don't live local anymore I'd have to leave to travel back home around that time or I'd miss the last train... and there's not rly anywhere I can crash overnight there (and I was planning on going alone anyway like I did last year). so I think im gonna have to let this one pass me by :-(

[sparrowlucero]

would life as a larrow suck? like if you could choose to be isekai'd as a larrow rn would you take it up? what about the other way around, would a larrow want to be us

It doesn't really suck anymore than life as a human does, but a lot of humans would see it as bad or stressful in certain ways:

Larrow imago usually only live about 30 years, and it's not super abnormal for them to die before 20. They're also very tiny (like on average the size of a button quail or a smallish parrot) so compared to humans they seem pretty fragile.

Their society doesn't consistently exist; eggs are produced, hatched and grow up at roughly the same time, and all the larrow of a single generation usually die off entirely before new ones emerge from the ocean (with an occasional outlier). That next generation isn't exactly the same culture as before, just formed through similar needs and off of the technology left behind by the last. their whole 'rome falls every few decades' set up would probably be very offputting to most alien cultures

They have next to no health care; larrow learn medical care by themselves, for themselves, and they practice surgery and similarly extreme procedures on themselves quite regularly.

Larrow are basically fine not socializing and will sometimes go years without talking to one another; it's to a degree where even anti social humans may be stressed and lonely. They also don't really show a ton of concern for other people and animals, empathy is more of a philosophical idea than this totally innate thing.

The world they live has very extreme storms; their average low winds would be difficult for a human to walk around in. They don't have houses but public access "storm shelters" which, from a human perspective, look woefully incompetent as they're full of holes and look more like animal nests than a "real" building

On the other hand:

Larrow are adapted to live in an environment with constantly moving air and are instinctively adverse to areas with stagnant air, as they struggle to breathe in it and it can make them really sick. Human buildings seem really gross to them in the same way rot or mold does to us

The way humans are constantly trailing each other and actively trying to initiate touching and interaction all the time feels both animal-like and weird/scammy/aggressive to them, our social behavior is their "about to get mugged" behavior

complex nest building in constant storms was like their main evolutionary pressure to Get Good with the brain power, so they're very technologically minded in a way humans just aren't. They could open up a human car or computer (or indeed a body) for the first time and understand how it worked back to front. This is all just architecture to their lizard brains. Which means humans needing to go to school to study this stuff sounds like, really stupid to a larrow.

the whole idea that humans will bribe other humans to knock them out and operate on them sounds like a horror show. What if the doctors got bored and left? What if it turned out they wanted to hurt you while you were asleep? If letting other people chop you up is a normal cultural quirk why do they keep making scary movies about it

the way humans have all these complex daily networks of giving things up and gaining them is confusing and stressful. they're kind of like that boar in this tumblr post

This is all to say many humans would see larrow as living short lonely survivalist lives in ramshackle houses in a dying culture too selfish to care about each other, where many larrow would see humans as spending most of their lives in gross little prisons being so incompetent at everything that they'll die of minor ailments like "tumors" and "internal bleeding" if other humans don't randomly take pity on them.

Not to say some people wouldn't be interested or jealous about aspects of each other's lives... "what if you could just fly alone for weeks at a time and work on the first draft of your novel" would obviously be appealing to a lot of humans, and getting to root through a world of completely alien tech and biology would make a larrow feel like it was one of these caddisflies

[potato-lord-but-not]

ok humor me here- chnt au where mostly everything is the same except it takes place in the magnus archives universe ?? and yk I’m open to community speculation and yall adding on to this because I need more opinions !!!! unhinged ramblings under read more :^)

ok ok so camp here & there is a site that’s run by The Spiral, everything outside of that is practically normal, but the camp makes everyone believe that the events that go on here are actually not that weird. It could also be a place where the bridge between the fear entities and earth is thin, so that’s why there’s a lot of activity from several different entities.

At least once a counselor mentioned “why do we keep working here every year?” And Soren was never actually fired, which just adds fuel to the fire tbh.

Most of the counselors there are just marked by the spiral, but others are marked by different entities. Some might not be full on avatars yet, but still posses supernatural qualities (like Oliver Banks until his death). Rowan is an Eye avatar, and although it’s made a point that the eye can’t really see the future, that just makes Rowan’s situation that much more worrying. Soren, ofc, is an avatar of The End. Self explanatory. Jedidiah mighhhttt be Web aligned, or even The Lonely (now that I think about it he most definitely is the lonely in someway) but I’m not entirely sure what to do with him yet. Adam is a Flesh avatar, and maybe one of the only ones who actually knows he’s an avatar (besides maybe Soren and Lucille). Elijah seems like an End avatar, with him being overly obsessed with making sure Sydney stays asleep for the greater good of humanity. His trying to sacrifice Sydney was an attempted End ritual, and would’ve most likely failed w/o intervention bc Sydney hasn’t been marked by all the fears yet.

Sydney is this au’s Jon, he’s being led into the position of the antichrist by Lucille, who is The spiral avatar. So far Sydney has been marked by the spiral (working at chnt), the end (Soren, the gravediggress, and the mold), the hunt (… the hunt), the flesh (Adam), the corruption (the hive incident), the eye (the bonfire, Rowan), the lonely or the web depending of which Jed aligns with more, andddd I’m sure others that are slipping my mind rn.

Jed (more than likely on accident) cemented Sydney as an Avatar after he killed and reanimated him, and Sydney is able to stay fit at the camp bc he feeds off the unhinged Spiral energy it creates. I also think Sydney was marked by The End at an early age, and that’s why he was chosen to be the sacrifice by Elijah (even if he doesn’t realize it) and why he’s very into death and decay.

The Magnus Institute DOES exist in this au, and they (Jon n the gang) find out about this camp due to a tired looking young man who convinced his slightly unhinged boyfriend to make a statement with him about the strange place they work at over the summer (ps Juniper is Very spiral aligned, more so than the rest of them, thinks that the camp is actually pretty normal and doesn’t know what Rowan is going on about, and seems to live in a place that Jon later finds out doesn’t exist at all)

ummmm I think that’s it for now, let me know if you have anything to add or silly thoughts about it ??

[primoppang]

hi. hi. here to request. a little seungmin fluff where we are kind of lonely and sad and he reminds us that he’s always there : )

HI HONEY TY FOR BEING MY FIRST EVER REQUEST <3333 ily and seungie so I got u bby ◡̈ mwah ur the best ( ˘ ³˘)♡

warning: swearing is inevitable with me sorry ¯\_(˶′◡‵˶)_/¯, fluff, like gross amounts of it, seungmin says "this is so gay but..." because he cringes at showing affection but refuses to let you forget how he feels about you fr, he's a tsundere ok? ok. he licks your face(?) , one (1) kiss, he joking threatens to fight you, and mentions of self doubt and anxiety, angst if you blink but I think it's mostly fluffy... anyways! lmk if I missed anything!!!

WC: a little under 500 :D

AN: this is the first drabble I've ever done in bullet point format so just pls lmk how it goes??? Im super nervous I hope it's at least an easy read :(

so the first time he realizes that you're feeling lonely he slaps himself internally because how DARE he make you feel that way, but he's not home rn and can't show you physically so he comes up with a Plan™️

you're literally the light of his life

so he just >:(

but not at u

he just wants to make you feel happy and loved and safe

so he starts brainstorming

but he's naturally a menace

so when you're texting with him while he's working and you're being kinda short

because yk

u just feel :(

he just sighs and texts back

"look, please don't feel sad. I know this is pretty fucking gay but I love you."

which makes u giggle

because that's YOUR seungie that YOU know and love so much

<3

BUT whenever he's able to be physically with you and he can just feel your self doubt and anxiety creeping in and trying to swallow you, he once again uses his braincell.

so he just grabs ur hand

and leads u out of ur bed and to the living room

sits u down

and starts running around ur shared apartment grabbing every blanket and pillow that exists within the space

and I mean

E V E R Y. S I N G L E. O N E.

puppy zoomies moment hehe

and don't even think about trying to question him

he'll just say "shut up and wait while I set up a big ass fort for us to cuddle in, ok?? I love you but I wanna make u SEE THAT."

which u smile at

because him telling u to shut up

but then explaining why

and then also watching him move furniture and start building the fort, you tear up with happy tears

because???

:(

he's the sweetest and u love him so much

but when he hears u sniffle

he turns on Extra Puppy Mode™️

pops out from under some blankets and tackles you into the couch and holds your face

wiping ur tears

maybe even licked one because he's a freak and wanted to get a reaction

which u just squealed at bc wtf sir

but then he realizes

oh ur crying because ur so touched by this whole thing that he's doing

!!!

"... you dummy. stop crying... we gotta get snacks and stuff for our super awesome fort yk??? and you won't be able to see if you're cryi—"

you cut him off by giving him a little kiss on his pouty lips

as a silent thank you :(

which he realizes that oops maybe he got too serious and overwhelming

but you reassured him that you're just so glad to have him as your partner and best friend in one :(

"please just remember that I do love you, and I'm always here even if that brain of yours tells you otherwise, ok? or I'll have to fight you... affectionately."

and then he proceeds to smother you in kisses and cuddles :(

[blorb-el]

Psssst does the au superbat fic exist bc I waaaaaaaaant it

I want it too 😭 tragically it only exists in about........4.5k scattered scenes which I try to poke at in between working on my main project rn!

misc worldbuilding scraps that are currently rotating on the back burner:

(omegaverse) human instinct relies on scent > hearing > taste > sight to find compatible partners, kryptonian instincts lean on sight > hearing > scent > taste, hence the mating markings

omegaverse humans have a much higher degree of face blindness than we normal humans do lmao

helps clark pass, the more he pulls his scent back the more it fades away, clark kent smells so dull/insignificant/mild that it seems like he's got a medical condition (hypomyrodia). jonathan kent had this. when jonathan and martha found bby kal, he was scared and tried to match scents to the two humans who found him, which caused his kryptonian scent to quickly fade. a hypomyrodic pup would probably face high abandonment rates and low adoption rates, so it was probably a relief that two willing parents brought the pup in

kryptonians all pretty much exist along a relatively smooth spectrum of sexual characteristics and can transition somewhat like clownfish if there's a hormonal imbalance in their community. having zero (0) other kryptonians around does things to clark before he grows the fortress and is able to synthesize hormone stabilizers

humans meanwhile have ten major sexes because betas can be true beta, alpha-leaning, or omega-leaning depending on their recessive genes

poison ivy is x100 more horrifying in any omegaverse world. she only manages to zop clark though bc the pollen is enchanted. however it's enchanted to induce primal alpha hindbrain, which means something very different to lone kryptonians than packbonded humans

it would have been the norm on krypton to have one's facial markings out. kryptonians would pull them back if they were sick, or perhaps terrified... primal hindbrain clark looking around and seeing nothing but non-glowing faces, and it coming across as everyone around him fucking terrified of him

for the first few months of their acquaintance clark is like. im not sure what gender batman is and at this point i'm not sure its ok to ask (he can smell past the concealing patches to bruce's strong omega scent but the patches could also be doubling as, like, the equivalent of binders, could be that batman's gender is null, but he mixes in diluted alpha cologne, but that could just be for concealment/intimidation....???)

sun-powered kryptonians have a strong, distinctively alien but somewhat alpha-smelling scent (when they're not pulling it back) but barely leave any on people they try to scent with, and scents barely stick to them. when clark politely explains this to bb dickie hes just like well i guess ill just have to scent you for longer! and clark goes 🥺

at this early point in the timeline barry is the only known omega superhero so the tabloids are huge into superflash

anyway all that's just kind of fluff/details... the core theme i've been rotating around is overcoming real and genuine barriers to intimacy. the loneliness of knowing you're a square peg in a world of round holes, the necessary compromises of sanding away your corners, the joy of meeting someone who will stretch to meet you where you are. there's a fair few excellent fics of bruce uncomfortable in an omega's role and body, i want to come at it from a perspective where a xenomegaverse clark has to define what gender means to him, in the heightened roles of the omegaverse. we are looking also at layers of passing. when parts of your closet become your armor that protects but encumbers you, and other parts become your exoskeleton, which grow into who you are. we are looking at that comic about the orchid that has the pattern on it meant to appeal to an extinct species of bee. we are looking at compromise made of love and compromise made of fear. and we are looking at tentacles baby.................

[aoki553]

GRGRGRGRG FINALLY AN OPPORTUNITY TO INFODUMP ABT HIM!!! tysm @makifishcake and prepare for a long ramble abt best boy ever (to me) and why saijun is real... let's start with an introduction to a canon crossover character only The Loser (me) cares about! this is gonna get messy in writing near the end cuz its like 3 am for me rn.

Kouno Jun is one of the two protagonists of Asou-sensei's older work, Our Hero Studies and is one of Haganeno Ken's students at Holy Lance Academy (a private school that either exists the same town as Saiki or some neighboring one)

The only translated OHS chapters so far show us who Jun and Haganeno are as characters. Kouno Jun's a generic tsukkomi high school student with normal teenage boy interests and crushes... he's baby and a total boyfail.

Jun likes video games (Kaisou Monogatari, an in-universe franchise), ramen, melon soda and Yayumi - the class rep. Pretty normal dude that's just being constantly bothered by his classmates and the teacher he hates...

...and then there's Haganeno Ken - THE delusional cosplayer hero wannabe teacher with huge interest in roleplaying and RPG video games, who immediately takes a liking to Jun, mainly for his name (his name means shield, while Haganeno's mean sword. you see where i'm going?)

most of the ohs panels will be machine translated cuz i have no strength or motivation to continue my actual translation work ngnhnh one day maybe... 😔

He may look like a generic high school shonen manga protagonist, but it's actually really charming to me how adorable he can be despite the boring presentation lolol HIS CRUSH ON YAYUMI IS SO CUTE UGHNHNH

And yeah of course he shows up in Saiki bc WHY WOULDNT HE???

Asou-sensei put him there twice. In the Christmas chapter where he's walking with a girl (MOST LIKELY YAYUMI), sees Kusuo sitting alone and being like "haha that's so sad to be lonely on christmas lmao"... EXCEPT ITS HILARIOUS CUZ HE DOES THE SAME THING IN HIS OWN MANGA'S CHRISTMAS CHAPTER.

and in the Hero Studies crossover chapter, right at the end as an unused character. (wouldn't make sense to have two tsukkomis there tbh so i get it lolol)

Same thing happens in the anime except Jun in the Christmas episode wasn't animated like he's an actual pre-existing character, except just a background character so he looks different but has the same jacket with his initials so its definitely him.

so here's all his screentime:

his terrible sense of style was referenced by Takeru at one point as well. yes, Jun dresses terrible and he has outfits much worse than this. hes a loser and i love him

okay but what's with the saijun thing? orz

basically its a silly ship me and my lovely sweetest gf (@lu-kario ) came up with and it kinda stuck around. "omg haha what if the two protagonists from different manga dated" but yeah it became an actual thing with thought out scenarios between us.

Me saying it'd be like satousai but Kusuo finds someone "normal" with actual personality would be not giving this ship enough justice. I can't tell much rn cuz I forget 90% of the stuff i make up unless i write it down BUT all i'll say is that

I like to imagine Jun and Kusuo having a calm and nice relationship, lots of quality time spent playing video games or going out to get some ramen together. Kusuo gets to have someone more usual by his side and Jun isn't likely to be bothered by Ken when Kusuo is around (:3).

and yeah, they do get another scene together in volume zero! how lovely! the christmas episode is also one of the reasons i find the ship cool but even despite the sillies having canon scenes and illustrations together i like it simply for fun.

canon crossover ships are cool and epic

my final words: go read ohs its fully in japanese online and 5 chapters are in english so far.

seriously go read it the fandom doesn't exist its really lonely.

and if you care abt our hero studies u can motivate me in the ask box, gimme a kick on the butt so i go and translate this work again after like a year or more of hiatus

[pinkarsonist0]

I'm watching the Craig of The Creek movie rn, and oh my God, MY SCOUT BABIES IT'S THEM.

Spoilers for Craig Before The Creek below:

WHOSE THAT GURL WITH THEM IS SHE LIKE LIKE AN OLDER SISTER/MENTOR TO THEM. OKAY, SO SHE'S CLEARLY A FELLOW SCOUT AND WOULD BE LIKE A MENTOR TOWARDS THEM.

Based on how Boris held her hand and the way Jason smiled at her comment towards getting the friend group name correct, that could be to imply they were rather close to her. Especially Boris. I doubt they're related by blood or law. However, I do think they had a big sister bond with her when they became scouts. According to Google, you can be a scout as young as kindergarten to 5th grade, and the oldest you can be a scout is 18.

My headcanon is that she is the reason why the scouts started going to the creek, and she would show them around it and guide them, I get a very strong older sister vibe from her. Much like Mari from Omori, let's hope she didn't play the piano...

I don't know how many years the movie takes place before the movie (at least not yet). However, I stirred up some guesses. Jason seems to be 10-11 in the show like Craig, so based on how young the scouts look, my guess will have to be that they are 6-7 years old (possibly 8 years old for Boris). So, 3-4 years before the show.

Imo, Jason seems to be happier in that scene, and in my opinion, Jason in the show isn't a very happy child if we exclude certain scenes. So, assuming the theory that Jason's mother is dead is true, we can assume the movie takes place before the tragedy.

In conclusion, this is what I stirred up for Jason (after the movie and before the show): I still have my headcanon that Jason's mother cheated on Jason's father, rooting their divorce. Jason's clearly upset by this as he begins seeing his mother a less, and his father is growing distant. However, he still had the girl we see in the movie for guidance and comfort. I do think that Jason was still pretty lonely in his childhood, so when his parents weren't around, he had her to act as an older sister for him.

But then, tragedy strikes, and Jason's mother is dead. Life begins to suck more for Jason, he now lives with just his dad and now he's straight up ignoring him and only remembers he exists in order to brag about Jason's achievements as a Forest Scout and to top it off he drags in Jason's step mother. And she clearly doesn't like him as much.

But at least he still has-

Oh, she's leaving too.

Jason's sister figure ages out of being a scout and leaves, leaving him to handle his new home situation.

I still think that Boris and the girl were the closest to each other and meant the most to each other. I think she loved them like little brothers and she loved showing around the new Forest Scouts and showing them the ropes. But Jason, Boris, and Tony stuck out to her THE MOST. She acted as an older sister to the younger scouts and maybe even stood up for them when the fellow older scouts were teasing them. She loved the scouts like little brothers, but time caught up with her, and she could no longer be a scout.

I love overanalyzing so much, you have no idea. I missed my scouts so much but now that they're back I can do SO MUCH WITH THEM NOW AHH

Also, do not think I didn't see the girl and (present) Tony having similar hats. Imma just go crazy with that and make the headcanon that she gave Tony that hat when she left. (I know her hat is a little different, but let me have fun).

And another thing, maybe she's the camp counselor we see in Camper On The Run. They have a lot of physical similarities, I need to see the episode again after watching the movie.

Edit:Just got done watching the movie, and the credits confirm that girl is the woman we see looking for Roxy in Camper On The Run and that she was indeed a fellow scout. Shannon is credited as Shannon the Scout rather than just Shannon. So, this could be a lead for my theory/headcanon being true. Someone on the COTC subreddit said that in the movie, Kelsey says she is in the second grade, and she is 9 in the show, so that would mean that the movie takes place 2 years before the show.

Now, let's get back to Shannon with this new information. The youngest to become a camp counselor is 16 and when I googled the age you can no longer be a scout I got multiple answers, but the most common one is 18. So we are safe to assume that Shannon left at 17-18 aka the estimate for when a Junior Forest Scout can no longer be a scout. I assume Shannon is 15-16 at the time of the movie and left at 17-18. So we can assume Shannon is probably 18-20 at the time of Camper On The Run.

Since she went to the creek, I wonder if she got to see Boris, Tony, and Jason again briefly. I NEED SOMEONE TO WRITE A FIC WITH ALL THEM PLEASE.

[anonymous-dentist]

can u do something about richas #1 island cupid and his matchmaking shennanagins im in need of something sweet

I’m coping okay pretend he’s around for the Women rn

-

Richarlyson takes after his Pai Cellbit in a lot of ways: his love of coffee, his love of investigating, his love of slaughtering innocent villagers and watching the life bleed out of their scared, terrified eyes. But maybe the most impressive similarity is something that not even Pai Cellbit knows about.

Richarlyson looks up at his cork board, and he taps his chin, and he ponders.

His board is a lot like his dad’s. It’s got the red string and everything, but where his dad uses real photos of people, Richarlyson uses drawings. It’s all hidden beneath a wall of paintings in his room at N.I.N.H.O., and not even his Pai Forever knows about it.

But it isn’t about mysteries, no. It’s about love.

Today’s object of investigation is the new lady, Mãe Bagi, who he’s spoken to a total of four times since her arrival. She’s nice, but she’s lonely, and Richarlyson remembers when his Pai Cellbit was lonely and how he stopped being lonely when he met Pa Roier. But Mãe Bagi only seems interested in one person, Melissa, who Richarlyson is pretty sure is actually his Pa Roier’s superhero alter ego, so that won’t work. That won’t work at all.

But next to Mãe Bagi on the board is a drawing of Tia Tina, who Richarlyson saw pining dramatically from a distance every time Mãe Bagi did anything. And, meanwhile, Mãe Bagi doesn’t seem to know that poor Tia Tina exists because Tia Tina is too nervous and awestruck to even approach her. But not for long!

There’s a little red string connecting the two drawings. Richarlyson has got this.

Operation: Moms, begin!

[ioannemos]

i've been adding 'ugh' to a lot of my personal posts lately and it's frustrating me not just bc i'm trying to be more positive to myself (no really i am! i promise!) but also bc. well. i know why i'm still struggling with negativity. and it sucks

as i've been changing and growing i haven't felt like i'm "finding myself" (whatever that means) or discovering cool new things or putting out new leaves or anything positive or fun or even that interesting. it's felt more like i'm excavating a building that's been buried for decades or maybe centuries and 99.9% of the time i'm the only one on the site

it's not a cool building or a pretty building, oh no, it's some kind of weird building that has random hallways and tiny windows and no floorplan that makes any sense to me and it is not in a hospitable environment, let me tell you!

EITHER

it's hot and dry and i'm getting bit by mosquitoes and there's sand in every crevice of my being and i'm mad at the dig and myself and everyone else on the planet and whoever built this building here of all places and also the building itself

OR

it's cold and wet and i can barely move in the mud that's up to my knees and i'm tired and lonely and it's getting dark and i just want to climb out and forget about this place and go do something, anything else other than excavating this building that, as far as i can tell, very few people in the entire world care about or even know exists

but the building is me. i'm the building. so i can't leave it. i'm stuck here until i die. so i've got to make the best of it, and i'm doing what i can to at least make the excavation more bearable, but it sucks! the building sucks and the location sucks and i suck as an excavator and i am so, so, so tired of excavating

and every. single. time. that i think i've made progress and can maybe stop for a while and just enjoy where i've come, i realize there's another layer. THERE'S ANOTHER FKING LAYER! the work just got harder and who knows what THIS layer will be like. but since it was built on top of a meandering building with no clear purpose or guideline or even straight line, that bodes nothing good for whatever the heck the mess it was built on top of will be

and i can usually figure out, eventually, why my thought patterns and my emotions and my fears are the way they are. i know why i'm scared of living alone. i know why it's hard for me to speak up for myself. i know why i struggle to fight the deep-seated belief that i'm terrible for needing literally anything, especially if i dare to ask for it

i can figure out, eventually, why this room is the way it is and why it's connected to that room via this narrow hallway. i can figure out why this room has no windows. why that particular room is in the middle of everything. why this is a supporting beam

but it sucks! and finding out why this a load-bearing beam tells me what i need to replace and usually what i need to replace it with, but not how. not who i can ask to help me replace it. not when i should do it or how to recognize a good time to do it. and sometimes i don't know what to replace it with, or what would be a good interim support until i do figure out what to replace it with permanently

bc i don't want to be scared the rest of my life. i don't want to try to conform to what i think the people around me might need or want from me. i don't know what i want out of life, what my calling might be, but i want something. or maybe right now i just want to want something. bc i don't have anything rn, any guide or plan or even a dream. except... maybe...

peace. i want peace. i want peace on my own terms, i want what makes me feel peaceful. i don't know what it looks like or how to get there, but i want to reach a place where i can sit down for a minute and catch my breath and not feel like i'm stealing time that could be spent better on literally anything else. i want to achieve peace

and like fk do i know how to get there

[dreamseekersans]

Dreamseeker Sans/aka 'Morpheus' Origin Lore

(Subject to change for now since I'm still setting up his lore and stuff rn)

His first memory was awakening in an empty world, shrouded in a pitch-black darkness, his cloak illuminating the space around him.

He sits there, for he does not know any better.

He sits there for an unknown amount of time, for he has no concept of it.

Then, some spheres around him that he previously hadn't noticed glow with bright colors, he sees colors twisting and turning, making strange noises.

He watches and listens, for he does not know any better. He watches, he sees figures that look sort of like him, talking with others.

----

Eventually, after some time, he begins to understand those sounds, it's language, it's words. He learns. He learns that words have meaning, and so do gestures. He learns to get up and walk around. He learns that the figure that looks like him is a skeleton named Sans, or so he assumes, from the gestures of it all. He doesn't quite understand the full sentences yet, but he's certain that the skeleton is named Sans.

This means that he, too, is a skeleton, or so he would like to believe.

----

The first sentence he fully comprehends is ironically one that he doesn't quite understand.

"This is a dream."

The screen goes pitch black, as they always do eventually -- some earlier than others -- but they would also always come back.

Always.

He waited.

----

They came back. He sat down, listening once again. He always does, for he does not know any better.

He learns more, he can comprehend sentences now.

Many screens held skeletons claiming to be Sans, others had skeletons claiming to be Papyrus. Are all skeletons named Papyrus or Sans?

If so, which one was he? Who was he?

----

He began practicing speaking himself. He wanted to speak and communicate like them too.

Sometimes, he would pretend he was also part of a world in amongst one of the many, many screens littering the dark realm. He pretended he could speak amongst them, laughing and joking with them.

It was...fun? That sounded right.

But the screens would always eventually turn off, leaving him in the dark, his cloak illuminating the space around him, only further reminding him of the vast darkness around.

What was this feeling? He didn't know the word for it, for he did not know any better.

----

Sometimes, a screen would flicker out, and never come back.

Sometimes, a new screen would appear.

He didn't know why-- it just happened.

Nonetheless, he watched, listened, learned, and talked. For he did not know any better.

----

Sometimes, a screen he passed by would be filled with loud...laughter? He didn't feel like that was quite the correct word. Sans would always have that same smile on his face. He was in a battle with the human.

It looked pretty action-intensive, but Sans would always look so cool. It felt...exhilarating watching him (was he using these words correctly? He wished he could ask Sans, maybe he would know).

Sometimes, Sans would lose, and some red stuff would fall out of him. He didn't know what it was, was that paint? He tried asking once, but Sans didn't respond. No one responded when he spoke, after all. The screen would usually become pitch-dark after that.

Sometimes, Sans would win. And sometimes, when Sans won, his smile would disappear, and he would say that same sentence before the screen cut to darkness.

"This is a dream."

He still didn't understand what that meant. He was starting to dislike it though, it would always bring another space of darkness to his world, leaving him to find another screen to watch.

What is a dream?

----

Loneliness. That was the word.

He could see everyone, he could hear everyone.

He was always watching and listening. And if he tried hard enough, he could pretend he was part of it all.

Pretend. That's the most he could do.

It was an awfully lonely existence.

He was starting to know better, and he didn't know if he liked that or not. Uncertainty filled him.

----

The more he looked at the screens, the more he understood some semblance of the concept of time they spoke about occasionally.

And the wait for the screens to come back felt longer and longer each time they disappeared.

That loneliness he learned about began to grow and fester within him. He wished he never learned about it, that he never learned what he was.

He wasn't Sans, he wasn't Papyrus.

He was lonely.

----

It was yet another iteration of him watching the screens play out the events of different worlds. He'd never tried this before, and he didn't know what compelled him to do so. He just knew he felt a strange urge to do something, anything. He's seen, he's heard.

He wanted to experience more. He wanted to taste what they ate, he wanted to feel what they felt, he wanted to touch the grass and look at the sky above-- just one time, please, please.

He reached towards a screen.

And it pulled him in.

----

(To be continued in the same post once I get more written down.)

[alritestoodeos]

Summarizing the OG timeline characters (badly) Pt. 1: Kenshi

So Kenshi is this really snotty guy who’s like “come here, let me kick your ass plzz” so he can prove he’s the toughest guy in town. Then Kenshi found this guy named Shang Ts- I mean… Song… This Song guy is like “Kenshi, me boy. You need yourself a killer sword, because you are super cool”, and Kenshi’s like “damn straight”. So Song and Kenshi went to this really big well, and Kenshi took the lid off of it and got blasted in the face by a bunch of souls, permanently blinding him. Song then revealed he was none other than the sorcerer Shang Tsung! DUN DUN DUNNNN!! And then Shang Tsung pushed Kenshi into the well after absorbing all the souls inside of it, making him strong and youthful again. Kenshi thought he’d be left to die in there, when the sword (that actually existed wtf??) that Shang Tsung had told Kenshi about went into Kenshi’s hand, giving him an artificial sight of sorts. The reason this sword (whose name is 戦闘 which I find adorable that it just has a name) is able to do this is that it belonged to a long line of warriors who all just so happened to be ancestors of Kenshi. Those ancestors were all also tricked by Shang Tsung’s trap, dying in the well, which is why there were so many souls.

Then Kenshi was like “ok boys we’re getting our revenge” and spent the next decade relearning how to see and fight, greatly humbling himself along the way. Word got around of this badass blind Earthrealmer swordsman who can use this magic sword and even move things with his mind a little bit, which catches the attention of Sonya and Jax, and they’re like “hey. Come join the OWIA (Outworld Investigation Agency, super lame) so you can look around in Outworld”, and Kenshi is like “hell yea”. He was then given the order to find Cyrax, whose tracker had been taken off the map. While he never found Cyrax, he did find Ermac, this amalgamation of 100s of souls, all having a mid-life crisis. Kenshi thought they were super cool and was like “hey what’s wrong bud?”, and Ermac’s like “Our one order in this life doesn’t exist anymore, so we aren’t really vibing rn”, and Kenshi’s like “well what if it wasn’t?”, and Ermac’s like “oh shit tru. Thanks. Here, let us teach you how to piledrive people into the ground with your  m i n d .” And so they did, and Kenshi now knew how to telekinetically slam people. Then Kenshi was like “yoooo OWIA I didn’t find Cyrax but I did find this person with green hair and pronouns”, but they didn’t respond, because they got fucking bombed by the Red Dragon. On the topic of the Red Dragon, the Deadly Alliance (one of which in this alliance is Kenshi’s sworn enemy), sent Mavado to go kill Kenshi, and nearly did so, but was like “yOu ArEn’T eVeN wOrTh ThE kIlL”, and walked away thinking he was cool.

As Kenshi lay, dying, a figure formed in the distance. It was Kuai Liang, the current Sub-Zero. Kuai carried Kenshi back to his Outworld cabin and nursed him back to health. Kenshi appreciated his generosity, and the two became actual besties. Suddenly, Kenshi felt his sword grow 10x in power. He’s like “dude dafuq-”, and Sub-Zero’s like “Oh yeah so there’s this dude named Onaga and- whatever there isn’t time for that. Anyways I’m pretty sure Onaga just killed Shang Tsung and all your ancestors just went back into your sword”. And Kenshi was happy, because his ancestors were back to being free, and his quest was over. He was happy. At least he felt like he should’ve been. But, he wasn’t. Kenshi felt… empty. Like this was what he devoted all of his life to, and now it’s just gone. He began to understand how Ermac felt, how awful it must’ve been for them when they realized everything they were meant to do, was just destroyed. Kenshi needed time to understand what he wanted in his life and disbanded from OWIA, and unaligned with the Lin Kuei, but promised both he’d still be an ally. He then left them both, becoming a lone warrior, in search of something to fill the hole that had been created within him. (angst rant go brr) Anywayyys Kenshi became Batman pretty much, hunting down the corrupted in the night, taking out criminal organizations. He also intercepts a transmission from the Red Dragon to Mavado, the man who nearly killed him, to kill the demigod Taven. Before Kenshi can do anything about Mavado’s mission, he gets a little tap on the shoulder from Johnny Cage, who’s like “dude XD 💀 so-so get this- 💀 there are these evil dudes like Onaga, Quan Chi, Shang Tsung, and Shao Kahn who are all, like 🤣 going to try to kill Blaze or some shit, and like, I was wondering if you- hold on a sec 💀… I was wondering if you wanted to join this team I’m making that has Sub-Zero, Ermac, and a whole bunch of other wacky characters to take them out��, and Kenshi’s like “were you audibly saying skull emoji- wait- SHANG TSUNG!?!” so Kenshi joined Johnny Cage in the Forces of Light. When Kenshi arrives at the pyramid, he takes out Sheeva and Quan Chi, and sees Ermac, and is like “dude this is a massacre out here what the hell is–” and before he could finish, he is telekinetically slammed into the ground by Ermac, who’s foot is planted into Kenshi’s chest, revealing his identity to really be Shang Tsung in the form of Ermac, before Shang Tsung casts his arm out to Kenshi, muttering “your soul is mine”, driving out the life force of Kenshi, now ultimately failing the quest he’s tried his whole life to complete.

If there's any other character's you want explained like this (from the og timeline only sorry), reply which you'd want!

[baldurs-gate-official]

Posting an update cuz I've gotten some very sweet supportive messages and some of you seemed interested in hearing how it goes

Officially free from my abusers 😎 After failing to get away several times, I've spent the last two years biding my time and making sure I never have to go back and it's paid off. So yeah. I'm free and very happy. And I've ensured this will continue to be the case.

Putting a read more. But this is currently what's up

CW: Abuse, PTSD, Starvation, Torture

Rn I'm focusing on finally getting medical care for some of what happened. I need to relearn how to eat because it's been over a decade of very limited food access and I can't tell how much I'm supposed to eat/when I'm supposed to stop eating. Never expected there to be a learning curve for eating but here we are. I might need to have some bones re-broken, which I'm not looking forward to. But it's a relief to have something done about it finally. Part of the torture I went through involved having my bones broken repeatedly :') So they're a little messed up.

It's still so hard to believe it's over. I know once I accept that, I'll have to process everything that happened and that'll be rough, but when it's over, I'm gonna be so happy. I mean, I'm already pretty happy. I can eat whenever I want. Eating felt like a luxury/privilege before and now it's just...a Thing I can do whenever. And I can leave my room whenever I want. Or go outside. I can make noise. And sleep. Well, sleeps a little tricky. But I don't have to worry about someone hurting me when I'm asleep now. Admittedly, I still get scared of falling asleep, but once I'm out I'm good. It's just... a lot. It doesn't feel real yet.

It's wild to me that people just...have this. It's a thing people get to have their whole lives. being able to just exist and do things like sleep and eat. And I get to have that now too??? I could explode, I'm so excited. I've literally dreamt about this my whole life.

Anyway. If you're also being abused or neglected and need someone to talk to/advice, please shoot me a message. If I can get someone out of their own shitty situations, I will. Or if you even just want someone to talk to so you feel less alone. I know how lonely trauma can be.

I'm going to shut up now. But yeah. Ty to everyone that left kind messages. I'm going to go grab a popsicle or something now. cya

[marygower]

It’s almost like I don’t know how to live my life but that’s not true. Maybe the side effects of adderall are really fucking with me idk. I go in and out from the world I want to live or exist in. What I want to go for shifts throughout the day. But now I’m held back by being lonely and lacking touch and real and true conversations. Alcohol seems to be the vice that still works and I know that it doesn’t actually work. I am struggling.

When my hair stylist massaged my head for 10 seconds I thought I was going to explode because it felt so nice. I am a tough and unpredictable specimen and don’t know what I need. My hair looks kinda like a mop but I don’t hate it.

After drinking pretty much an entire bottle of wine over 5 hours and one hit of the pen I feel pretty good. Clear headed but def not ya know.

Open and aware of the fact that my situation doesn’t feel like my own. My feelings and aspirations seem to get lost and felt simultaneously but inaccessible at all times. Dunno if that’s the adderal or not but prob def has something to do with it. Idk how I will get by without it but I guess I was fine without it before and still able to get recognition at my job but I can’t remember the timeline rn. Was that my anxiety just getting in the way? I can see a clear picture of what I want my life to be and feel like but my real time experience doesn’t feel that way. I’m trying to do too much. I can’t “be there” before I “get there.”

This is a good post I think

[withleeknow]

lmao thank you for sharing your microwave-daylight savings-dream TMI 👀☁️ what if I told you that same night our 🐈‍⬛ popped up in one of my dreams? (my TMI: I'm the type of person who has countless dreams but the second I wake up they're usually lost to the ether like i couldn't tell you what our rockstar was doing but I'm sure it was a fantastic dream)

in continuation of our miffy saga: the same SIL made this beauty for my bday last year - we.tl/t-cg4Pq7vIJM - and there's this pop-up in ldn rn and the temptation vm.tiktok.com/ZGd8bqeXW/

a very happy very very very belated mimo/ksj1 day (let's brush past the fact it's literally d+7) ♡ our moon has been booked and busy - thoughts on I'll be there? she's like super tuna's less chaotic, more demure, gentle dopamine release cousin 🌕

oh oh and happy blogiversary! thank you for existing as you do and nurturing this blog ♡ [sidebar: october 23rd? fantastic gift for mimo day. I love your longer works/series but sometimes, your angst hits different in these oneshots- the closeness and vulnerability in lost cause has my head fucking spinning.] I didn't enter your inbox thinking we'd be sharing what feels like a single braincell with our constantly overworked microwave and now I've come to realise how big of a part you've played in my kpop resurgence this year and now I'm rambling ily- it's been a while since I've dived into the skz rabbithole: they're all looking like greek gods this tour PLS vm.tiktok.com/ZGd8bBCaH/

+ for the kpop ask game: 14 and 49! 👀

i don't usually remember my dreams that well either but that morning my bladder woke me up and i really did NOT wanna wake up bc it was such a cute dream so i tried to fall back asleep. it was SO cute, we were in a ♡△ with mimo 🤣 crazy that the microwave is even haunting our subconscious and on the same night no less. red string >:)

the cake is ADORABLE you have the best sister in law omg, and she MADE that?? 😭 and the pop-up oh my goddd please tell me you're giving in to the temptation. if i had a miffy pop-up near me i would be on a MISSION to put a dent in my wallet. i need everythinggg 😭 (also, foul of you to include a sneaky microwave attack while i was going all uwu over miffy)

'i'll be there' is so on theme with his solo releases so far. while everyone else is getting naked ("cHaPtEr TwO iSn'T aBoUt TaKiNg OuR sHiRtS oFf 🤥) he's still all "i love youuu 🥰 i'll be there for youuu 🥰" and i love it so much lol and i love the song 😭 she really is super tuna's cousin lollll. have you watched this yet? seeing him with his pink mic is just so... :((( he really is back our seokjinnie 😭

thank youuu and thank you for reading 🥹 i do be pretty self-indulgent lately 🥸 no but seriously, you've been so important in my skz journey too. i never really branch out in kpop fandoms and i mostly just keep to myself on tumblr (which erhm is admittedly a little lonely sometimes but whatever lol) so honestly i am so glad that you somehow found your way here :( i must sound like a broken record atp bc i say it every couple weeks but it's true !! years later when i think back to fangirling over skz in my mid 20s i will remember an 🍙 that made the experience so much more enjoyable :') <3

the whiplash of going from this ^ to this good lord. the way my eye twitched watching that. he is AWFUL he is DISGUSTING 🫠 and FELIX, the way my eyes widened and i literally said "oh my god" out loud lmao

as for the ask game heheh

14. name 3 idols you'd want to accompany you during a zombie apocalypse

mimo for sure. and not bc i am heavily biased 🤣 i feel like he would be resourceful and at least have some survival instincts lol. second pick jay 🥰 imo he's pretty similar to mimo so having 2 of them can't possibly be the worst thing 🤣 third pick probably jungkook bc let's be real among the tannies he's the most capable of keeping me alive lol but i KNOW his annoying ass would get on my last nerve

49. your favorite kpop songs from this year (2024)

^ the 2024 extended version counts !!!

(does the txt one count if it's japanese lol)

[insideoreoshack]

10.10.2024

i have no idea why i feel this way its like empty snd lonely and like no one wants to be around me evrr snd i csnt even fathom how my brain conjured these ones up when i know my reality and love it its like it tries to make me feel like shit on purpose just to see if i can push through it snd them im left feeling numb its pre pms week which is already hard as is but idk being stressed snd having plans doesnt help bc i have to figure oit clothes i feel pretty in and look skinny in so i can look and feel pretty enough to be with harry and his siblings i just hate being in my own my brain im so tired of like typing this on the train and forcing myself to ignore harry is bringing me to tesrs that im holding back bc i dont wanna dump this all on him atm bc i dont want him to think im guilting him into coming over and staying with me but i know he will see it eventually (hi harry) i just know i cant make convo rn without him getting suspicious but im just so drained from my own existence sigh

like knowing the reality and the truth and having to constantly go back and forth with yourself in your head so i dont self sabotage or give into the insecure thoughts or anything like that its just tiring along with worrying about day to day things that my mind puts too much pressure on.

shower thought addendum: i think my family doesnt even miss me because i have to be the one calling them or they have to be reminded to call me. it kinda hurts because its like the validity that they think im competent and independent but yet they dont show anything in terms of appreciation or missing me truly, and im kjust curious as to what they may bring me home bc they asked me so many times and i said i didnt care just becasue i dont know what i want but i think i have been their child long enough for them to just gfet me something id like. I dunno maybe its immature and i clearly have healing to do in regards to well everything, self awareness can only do so much.