#and it certainly changed how i view shane madej

[max-headroomfiles]

The more I sit. The more I let it stew, the more I look back and think about April. I truly realized something, I truly realized no matter what I can never trust the fandom. No matter how "normal" things may seem now, no matter how we can pretend to go back and do our funny shitposting or whatever, there is something I can never shake and it's how I can never truly look at the fandom the same way again.

I can never trust you guys, because when I look back, all I can ever remember is the vitriolic racism you guys spewed towards the two men of color (mainly Steven Lim) and yet let your precious white man off the hook all because he made some "funny" anti capitalist jokes.

I will never ever forget the way you guys made me feel, the extreme rage you projected all because you didn't like what they did. I will never forget how you all ruined something that gave me motivation and the inspiration to create. I will never forget how you ruined an interest that helped me out of a bad mental health space. And I will never forgive you for that either.

I was naive to think back then this community was "safe", that these were creative fans who shared a passion like me. But again, I was naive, I was so naive to think that wasn't I?

Because I had a life lesson alright, I learned that as a biracial girl, to never trust a white fandom.