#and in the grand scheme of forever what's a few missed holidays to bureaucracy?

[shadowuserannie]

Accidental Brother-Sorry, Babysitter-Acquisition (Fic WIP) (Part 2)

“You know you don’t have to do this, right?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Nezha replied smoothly, skates whirring in their true form as he flitted about the area, getting it set up nicely with his true power before the others arrived. Unlit paper lanterns on strings were hung around the trees, soft blankets in the cleared area that was on the side of the cliff facing Megapolis, checking the snacks he’d brought that weren’t made of hair-

“Seriously, Ne-”

“-End that with that foolish nickname and the group will arrive to see a healing wound from a spear thrust to your mouth.”

Nezha’s back was to the simian, but he could feel the troublemaking smile.

“Nezhy, c’mon-”

Without looking, Nezha summoned his spear, split it to lotus petals, and thrust them at Wukong.

“What happened to hanging with your own family for New Years?!” Wukong yelped as he evaded them with no real effort, merely being dramatic in his movements for closer shaves. Nezha aimed more precisely-he was not tarnishing the surroundings before they could even get here.

“I am.”

There was an oof as several petals caught Wukong off guard, pinning him to the floor.

“What about your brothers? And your dad?”

“Busy.” Whenever time allowed, usually his father, mother and brothers tried to visit their poor, stuck brother/son who actually set plenty of seals long ago to be able to sneak out. Still, more eyes were on him during New Years’, that owing to celebrations being something more worthy of “leaving one’s post” for. Stupid.

Anyways, he typically got visited at least once during New Years’ with goodies brought by Muzha, but this year Jinzha had stopped by early and said apologetically that their father had decided to follow him and Muzha on an assignment that might not have them back until long after the celebrations had passed. Mother herself...well there were much better parties to attend to than an empty temple. Which was fine. Nezha saw them for New Years’ once every three years or so anyway. Missed New Years' was nothing in the overall of eternity of the Heavenly Realm.

Nezha tried his best not to leave his post during New Years’ festivities, because of the eyes, and also because paranoia meant celebrations = cover for thieves, despite the sheer amount of magic layered over his temple paranoia…was paranoia. That changed…rather recently, considering the spam habits MK and Mei had gotten into as they grew up and became larger yet somehow fonder annoyances to him.

“Still, I swear-”

“Wukong. How many New Years have you spent alone?”

“Come on, you stop by-”

“Once every few decades. For a few minutes.”

Wukong lets his head flop onto the ground. “Still unnecessary.”

“Making sure you don’t drown your sorrows in jiu for eternity, giving you tasks so you can get out of a place you’ve retired to for centuries, so the Heavens don’t impose worser tasks? Yes, definitely.” Nezha deadpanned.

Hmm. That string of lanterns was stretched too far.

Wukong made a sound that was somewhere between disbelief and teasing. “Psshh, Nezhy, I’ve seen you after cases with really bad assholes, remember? Know how long I had to spend convincing my subjects not to try what they saw you doing?”

“Why would you discourage them from following a far more responsible person?” Nezha arranged the plates carefully. Orange for MK, green for Mei, white for Pigsy, pink for Tang, blue for Sandy, gold for the irritating annoyance.

“Right, because over-steeping a dozen packets of black tea in baijiu instead of water is a fantastic example of sobriety.”

Nezha dropped the tin of almond biscuits, catching them just in time with his sash.

“That was-”

“-Most definitely not one time,” Wukong spoke with a fanged grin. “Remember when you told me about the fling with-”

“Wukong!”

The idiotic primate he would dearly love to cleave apart merely cackles at his misery. Unfortunately, he’s still the safest option when it comes to needing someone to sober him up or watch him in his drunken state, in the rare times Nezha cracks from sheer rage and brews his black tea with wine instead of water. Keyword being rare.

“…so didja bring any-”

“I refuse to kill children’s livers.”

“But yours is faiRRRAAAAA-”

“Stabbing your liver is fair game too.”

“Little shit.”

“Who’s not even five feet and uses glamours again?”

At last, with no help from the host whatsoever, Nezha finishes tidying the area and getting it ready for a small party. There are even snacks-double checked by Nezha to be safe-specifically for the monkeys, mostly consisting of fruits.

“Add any fur to this and I will chop off all 84,000 hairs on your body.”

Wukong hides the piece of fur behind his back and whistles.

“Reach for any peaches before they arrive and I will also rob your home of your peach chips.”

Wukong gasps dramatically, falling to the ground as if deeply hurt. “These accusations-”

“Are wholly true, you little-”

“Who’s calling who little-”

Nezha froze as voices definitely not quiet rose up from the foot of the mountain.

“They’re here.”

Wukong frowned at him for no reason as Nezha glamoured his Wind//Fire Wheels back to three-wheeled roller skates. He’d already dressed up before coming down to Flower Fruit Mountain, in a knee-length sleeveless red qipao and dark kuzi, no illusions needed there. His Armillary Sash was wrapped in a slightly fancier style about his arms, still and mimicking sleeves as usual. Rather than twin buns, he’d opted for a simple small one with the rest of his hair let down.

“You…ever going to tell them?”

“I’ve gone lifetimes without doing so with others, Wukong. Remember our deal.”

“Hypocrite.”

“Idiot.”

“You know that’s long gotten as ancient as you, right?”

“You-”