#and im sorry all the spelling is so bad i looked at them after sometimes and im like jeez

[125storejuice]

.

[santanasaintmendes]

“i wish i was who you drunk texted at midnight”

wc!: 5.2k (i’m sorry i’ve got serious problems 😔)

ollie bearman x reader + childhood friends to ?

warnings: angst asf, heartbreak, swearing, let me know if there are any more!

part 2

summary: after moving to Chelmsford you meet ollie, the two of you quickly become friends but unfortunately you fall for Ollie. he moves away for f2 and leaves you, until he’s supposed to race in Jeddah. you fly there only to gain more than what you bargained for

type: angst (cliff hanger ending IM SORRY)

a/n: this is just something I wrote because I was sick in bed the last few days, it’s super long but so hope yall like it! Also i’m sorry if it’s bad lol i am still sick and this is just something i wrote for fun to entertain myself. ALSO no hate to Estelle Ogilvy (is that how i spell her last name) i just used her for the plot of the story please don’t come after me.). The name is inspired by “drunk text” by Henry Moodie, please give it a listen it’s such a good song, enjoy xxx

They say that you should always be friends with the person you like before you start to fall for them. Well, that’s one thing you could check off the list if you looked back on your friendship with Ollie. The truth was, being in love with your best friend sucked. Friends can break your heart too, something people tend to forget. 

6 and 6 

The first time you ever met Ollie was in a library. A week prior to that you had moved to a strange town named Chelmsford. A name that 6-year-old you found difficult to pronounce, to be frank everything in the new town sounded different to what you were used to. The people there spoke with such a different accent to what you were used to, it would take you quite a while to get used to it. As you sat in the back of the taxi with your backpack at your feet, you stared out the fogged up window. The sky was a gloomy grey and the landscape seemed to be an endless plain of sad looking meadows. 

You couldn’t seem to understand why your parents would choose to move to such a sad looking place, it didn’t make any sense. The taxi soon came to a slow stop, the brakes squealing loudly. You glanced out the window hopefully, rubbing the condensation away with your sleeve. Only to be disappointed to see a boring brick building of some sort. It was an odd combination of white wooden window frames and red bricks, like something out of one of those 1600s movies your Father once showed you. You anxiously looked back to your Mother who was watching you as your Father sorted out something with the taxi driver. Upon seeing your unhappy face your Mother chuckled softly.

“I heard that there’s a library just down the street, maybe sometime this week we could visit it.” she offered. You nodded, slightly content. Reading books was something you enjoyed and maybe with a library being close by, not all was lost. 

As it turned out, that boring brick building was your new house. 

Despite having to unpack and sort adult-y things out, your Mother took you to the library just as she had promised. As you skipped down the cobbled road, your Mother held a bright yellow umbrella over your head to shield you from the rain that was pouring down from the cloudy grey sky. 

You pushed upon the heavy front door to the library which also happened to look like a sad white brick square with a pointy red roof, a depressed mushroom if you will. You halted in your steps as giant wood bookcases rose before you, shelves full of books. Never had you ever seen so many books before. In the corner there was a lady sorting things in a trolley with her back turned to you, she still hadn’t noticed you. 

“C’mon, let’s head to the kids section.” your Mother said, taking you by the hand and leading you deeper into the library. Stunned by the amount of books that filled the shelves you couldn’t help but wander off when your Mother told you to stay put while she set up a borrowing card for you. 

Luckily, the children’s section of the library was much more pleasant looking than the eerie hallways of adult books. You scanned the shelves in search of something to read, until you came to a stop. Two round brown eyes among the books blinked from the other side of the shelf, scaring you. 

It was a boy. 

You blinked back, unsure of what to do. So you did what any other 6 year old did when they believed they had found a new friend. 

“Do you want to read with me?” you abruptly asked the boy who was still staring at you with wide eyes. A moment of silence passed before he nodded slowly, the boy rounded the corner. He wasn’t much taller than you with chocolate brown hair and small freckles that spilled over his face like tiny stars. He stuck out his hand, “I’m Oliver. But my friends call me Ollie.” he greeted, a smile taking over his face. His voice sounded odd, like the taxi driver who’d driven you from the airport to your new house. Ollie reminded you of a rabbit with his two front teeth that seemed to take up over half of his face, but you didn’t say anything because your Mother told you that saying things like that wasn’t nice. 

You took his hand cautiously in yours, “I’m Y/N.” you replied slowly. He enthusiastically shook your hand, taking you by surprise as he led you to sit down on the bright coloured bean bags. You watched curiously as he picked a book off the shelf before plopping down next to you again. You peered over as he opened the book to the first page, you frowned, not recognising the book. 

“It’s a book called Where’s Wally (Where’s Waldo if you’re American). You have to find the characters, there’s Wally, Wenda, the wizard guy and Woof - that’s the dog.” Ollie explained to you, pointing to each character on the page. The initial nervousness of meeting another kid, melting away. You began to feel excited as you nodded along while Ollie continued to explain how to play. The two of you spent the next hour doing all sorts of things, talking about favourite colours, favourite animals, reading books, drawing, playing board games together. Both getting along so easily it was as if you guys had known each other forever. That was until you heard your Mother calling your name to go home. 

You stood up, looking down at Ollie who was still seated on a yellow bean bag. He blinked up at you, with those big brown eyes that had scared you only an hour earlier. “I have to go home now.” you told him, a wave of sadness passing between the two of you as you both realised your fun had come to an end. 

“That’s okay, maybe I’ll see you at school.” he suggested hopefully upon seeing your downcast face. You broke into a smile, “Okay, bye Ollie.” you waved slowly as you began to walk away. Ollie waved back with a giant grin on his face as he watched you disappear behind the wooden bookshelves. 

“Hey Mom!” you called out to your Mother as she came into view, she was chatting with the lady who you’d seen at the desk sorting books. She paused and turned to you, “Hey, I was just talking to the librarian, she was saying about how she has a son who hangs out here while she works on the weekend.” 

Putting two and two together you realised that the book lady was Ollie’s Mother. You smiled at the lady, “I was playing with Ollie, we were reading that one book, ‘Where’s  . .  .” You trailed off, racking your brain for the name of the book he’d shown you. 

“Where’s Wally?” the librarian offered, she nodded fondly. “That’s his favourite book.” You grinned up at the lady, looking back in the direction where you’d been playing with Ollie.

“Mom, am I going to the school as Ollie?” you asked, looking up at your Mother. She chuckled softly before nodding, “As a matter of fact, you are.” 

Those golden words were what made you unbelievably excited to begin at your new school. You had barely been able to sleep with the thought of seeing your new friend again, so on that Monday morning you bounded down the stairs to the kitchen. “Good morning!” you greeted both your parents, taking a seat at the dining table, legs swinging off the chair impatiently. 

“Someone’s excited for their first day of school.” your Mother hummed as she set a plate of pancakes in front of you. You nodded, “I get to see my new friend.” you replied as you stuffed your mouth with your breakfast. 

You were basically pulling your Mother through the front gates as you scanned the sea of other children in the same uniform as you. The uniform also happened to be grey, it complimented the terrible weather perfectly. Your eyes fell onto the brown haired-freckled boy from two days earlier, you ran up to him, “Hi Ollie.” you smiled. A giant grin took over the boy’s face, “Y/N!” he exclaimed, pulling you into a hug. From that day on, the two of you were inseparable. Where one of you went, the other followed right behind, Ollie helped you adjust to your new school, showing you around and never leaving you by yourself. As the years passed the two of you only became closer, though you would soon find out that that wasn’t the greatest thing. 

13 and 13

As the two of you grew into teenagers, things began to change and not always for the better. Ollie and you still remained close friends, having dinner at one another’s house on Friday’s, walking home together after school and occasionally spending afternoons playing Mario Kart with Ollie’s siblings. Your families were also extremely close now courtesy to both you and Ollie, his younger siblings becoming like your own. But the worst thing? 

You’d caught feelings for Ollie, it had been so sudden almost like it had crept up on you, taking you by surprise. You didn’t understand. It felt so wrong. 

One day out of the blue it hit you like a pile of bricks, you just couldn’t stop staring at him. Absolutely enchanted by him, his chocolate brown hair, those pretty freckles that you’d memorised on his face. 

Ollie was like a brother to you, he was your best friend, so how come you felt these things for him?

To make matters even worse for little 13 year old you, Ollie liked another girl. A girl who absolutely hated your guts. 

What had you done to her? You didn’t know. 

You and Ollie had been having a sleepover when he told you about her, her name was Estelle Ogilvy. She was gorgeous and untouchable, by far the prettiest girl you’d ever seen. You didn’t hold a candle to her and you knew it too. Ollie had been hopelessly in love with her since the start of high school when he shared science and maths class with her. Time and time again he would ramble on about her to you, completely oblivious to your feelings for him. You could only nod along wishing it was you who he was talking about. That’s just how it was, you were stuck in a bubble of unrequited love. So all you could do now was watch from afar as Ollie ran after a girl who you just knew would never like him as much as he liked her. 

15 and 15

Ollie’s karting career really took off in the last few years and you couldn’t have been prouder, those feelings for him still lingered around but you’d come to terms that he’d never like you in the same way. Because there he was, still stuck on chasing Estelle. You couldn’t blame him, and maybe that’s what you were always just supposed to be, friends. 

Yet you were jealous, something you refused to admit. Jealous of Estelle because oh how you wished to be talked about so fondly by Ollie. To always be on his mind, to be the girl he liked and would never shut up about. You still didn’t understand why you felt this way, in your mind it made absolutely zero sense. Then why did it feel so right when you were by his side, almost like you belonged there next to him? But Ollie being Ollie could just never get a hint whenever you tried to subtly let him know. It sucked because there’s nothing worse than loving someone who’ll never love you the same way. 

18 and 18 

It got worse as the years passed, your feelings for your best friend would just not go away. No matter how hard you tried, how hard you tried to find another boy to fawn over, your gaze would always fall back on Ollie. But he was dating Estelle now, he was in Formula 2 now. It almost seemed like an eternity ago when you first met him in the library just down your street. An eternity ago when you would attend his karting races, cheering the loudest for him in the stands. All of that was now in the past. You barely even saw him now that he had dropped out of school to pursue his career in Formula 2. Now all you could do now was watch from a distance as he looked the happiest you’d seen him in ages.

He was spectacular at what he did, you would watch him race on TV every week no matter what hour the race was or even if you had school the next day. 

Yet inside of you there was a giant hole, a hole that Ollie had left behind when he abandoned you. Abandoned was a bit of a stretch but it was the only word you could use to sum up what you had felt when he left. Ollie had to move to Italy for his career, news that he hadn’t even told you in person, you had to hear it from his Mother. He’d taken your hands in his at the airport as he waited to board his plane and promised you he’d stay in touch, that he’d call every week but here you were with the last time you’d spoken to him being over a month ago. 

You refused to be the first one to reach out to him, you felt like he owed you that much effort at least. So you waited  . . . and waited only for the world to keep spinning while you were stuck in the past. That was until you finally realised that you had never meant as much to Ollie as he had to you. 

19 and 19 - present day 

“Y/N! WAKE UP OR YOU’LL BE LATE FOR SCHOOL!” your Mother’s voice echoed up to your bedroom, rattling the glass in the window frames. You groaned as you groggily sat up, pulling open the curtains only to be greeted with dark overcast weather, rain pouring down outside. You rubbed your eyes, yawning as you dragged yourself out of bed. It was your second year of university studying mechanical engineering at the biggest university in Chelmsford. It proved to be difficult with its endless nights of staying up doing work but you knew it would be worth it in the end. 

Your university never failed to confuse you and make you late for class with all of its giant identical hallways. You ran down the corridors, heels clacking on the marble floor until you came to a stop at the door to where your lecture was for that day. Slipping through the door you weaved through the seats of the auditorium to find an empty seat. Luckily for you, your friend Bianca saved a seat for you. 

“Thanks.” you whispered only to be shot dirty glares by the students around you. You winced as you looked ahead at the teacher in an attempt to catch on what he was droning on about. Bianca gently nudged you, passing her phone to you. You frowned, eyebrows knitted as you looked down at the screen. A notice on Ferrari's official instagram with Ollie’s face plastered above the words “Oliver Bearman to race in Jeddah this weekend for Carlos Sainz.” 

You narrowed your eyes and huffed, passing the phone back to Bianca who smiled nervously. “What was the point of that?” you whispered, leaning closer to her. Bianca sighed, “You’re not fooling anyone, I know you still have unresolved feelings for him.” she whispered back only to get a loud shushing sound from a nearby student. 

Bianca shot them a glare before turning back to you, “You have to go, I don’t care what you say. You are going. This is his Formula 1 debut, whether you’re still friends with him or not you’ve got to be there for him.” she whispered-shouted, looking at you sternly. You sighed, leaning back into your chair, shaking your head. 

“It’s not the same anymore. He’s clearly forgotten about me, the last time we spoke was last year and he’s been back home 4 times in the last 12 months.” 

Silence hung in the air, only the voice of the teacher rambling on and on about something you still hadn’t caught on about. 

“That Estelle girl, she’s clearly using him. You were his best friend, surely that means something to you both.” Bianca tried again but it wasn’t any use. There was no purpose in bringing up something that you both had clearly tried so hard  to forget about. 

So then why were you here booking a flight to Jeddah to watch your old best friend debut in Formula 1? 

It was something you couldn’t answer and didn’t want to. 

The thing that you hated the most is that you didn’t even think twice before booking those tickets. 

How could you care so much about a person who had so blatantly forgotten about you?

Deep down you knew the answer, it was because to you Ollie was like your home. He was the first person to make you feel like you actually belonged somewhere, he never abandoned you to eat lunch alone at school, he never cancelled plans once you made them, he was a good person, a good friend. 

Or at least he was. 

Were you insane? The answer was yes, yes you were insane. Being here was so crazy; it nearly made you want to turn around and jump on the next flight back home. You were standing in line to go through the gates when you heard someone call your name. You secretly hoped it was Ollie but much to your disappointment it was . . . Arthur?

Ollie had introduced you to Arthur back when they had raced in Formula 3 together. You hadn’t seen him in forever. 

“Arthur?” you questioned as he pulled you into a hug, you hugged him back before pulling away, still unable to believe it was him. 

“I was about to ask what you’re doing here but that would be dumb.” you confessed, only noticing now the massive crowd that was surrounding the two of you. Arthur chuckled before nodding in the direction of the gate, “C’mon, I can get you in, you’ll be my guest.” 

“Oh, you don’t have to-” you began but Arthur was already pushing you through the gates. Walking back onto a race track was like taking a breath of fresh air after being in a car for a long time. You used to accompany Ollie to all of his karting races each weekend in Chelmsford, so being in the stands had become like a second home to you. 

“Are you here for Ollie?” Arthur asked as you walked in the direction of the motorhomes. You caught yourself before you could answer too irrationally, “No, I’m just here to watch the race.” you shrugged, realising how dumb that sounded as soon as it left your mouth. No good person would fly all the way to Saudi Arabia to watch a race if there was a Grand Prix in their own country.  If you wanted to “just watch a race” you could’ve watched it on TV or gone to the Silverstone GP. Arthur only hummed, you knew he had already caught on, it was so obvious it made you want to dig a hole and jump in. 

“Anyways,” you quickly said, eager to move onto a different topic.

“Anyways.” Arthur agreed, looking at you, eyebrows raised. “You can’t fool me, I’ve known it since the moment I met you.”

You let out an exasperated sigh, “What am I going to say to him?” you asked, looking to Arthur for help. He shrugged, “No clue but you might want to think of something quickly because he’s walking over right now.”

“Y/N?” 

You blinked as you came face to face with the person you wanted to see so badly for the last year and now that you were here facing him it felt like all the air in you had gotten sucked right out. He looked  the same since the last time you saw him. In the last year you wanted to hate Ollie so much but it was impossible because you still loved him and that was the big terrible truth that you refused to admit. 

“Hi. Ollie.” you said, to not let the jumble of words that you’ve kept in since the last time you saw him spill out. Arthur sent you a quick salute, “Gotta go, I’ll see you afterwards, Y/N.” and with that he left you with Ollie in silence. 

“What are you doing here?” Ollie finally asked, he was acting so . . .  so normal. As if nothing had changed between the two of you.

“I’m here because I’m your number 1 fan, remember?” you scoffed, looking up at him. A reminder of the time when you were both 10, Ollie gifted you a t-shirt at Christman with the words: “Ollie’s No.1 fan.” plastered on it for you to wear to his karting races. It was sure to be buried deep in your wardrobe somewhere. 

“Yeah,” he breathed, “Yeah you are.” guilt written all over his face. 

“Why’d you leave me then? Tell me the truth, did I do something wrong? Was I too normal for you?” you asked, questions pouring out of you. 

“We were best friends, how could you just leave me like that? Do I mean nothing to you? Because you were everything to me, my best friend, the first person who made me feel like I actually mattered to someone, so tell me, why did you abandon me?” 

Silence hung in the air as you stared up at Ollie. You wanted answers, perhaps it would be the only thing that would let you move on from him. He looked away, unable to meet your gaze. This was so. . . so unfair. You wanted to yell, scream at him even so he could feel even a fraction of the pain you’d felt in the past year. 

“So that’s it? You don’t even have an explanation?” you asked him, your voice shaking with anger it made your throat ache as you blinked back tears. 

“I waited and waited for you to call me, to even send a message but that was a mistake. You’ll never love me in the same way that I love you.” 

Hot tears rolled down your cheeks, Ollie finally meeting your eyes as the three simple words left your lips. 

You’ll never love me in the same way that I love you.

The world stopped like everything had been put on pause as you realised your mistake. You felt like you’d gotten hit on the head with a cricket bat. 

“I have to go.” is all that left your mouth as you turned around. The ground was moving like a spinning wheel - a blurry mess of colours. It made you sick to your stomach as you walked away, your cheeks flushed hot and your forehead sticky with sweat. Ollie didn’t even call out for you, nor run after you for an explanation because it was so blatantly clear what you’d just confessed to him. 

You wished you could hate him, hate the fact that he’d left you, forgotten you like an old stuffed toy, you hated that he didn’t love you. 

You sat on the curb, clutching your knees outside of the entrance to the racetrack wallowing in self-pity. Wiping away tears that just kept falling down your face much to your distaste. The sun was beginning to disappear behind the buildings, the sky now a deep shade of orange. You stared at your feet, it was dumb, you should’ve known that coming here to Jeddah was a mistake. Ollie had moved on, something that you hadn’t done in the last year. You felt so stupid, why did you believe you could repair your friendship?

Why did you-

“Excuse me?” a voice interrupted your train of thought, you quickly wiped your tears and looked up to see Arthur standing beside you, a pitiful smile on his face. You looked away, “What do you want?” you grumbled, folding your arms across your chest bitterly. Arthur sat down beside you, watching you closely as you stared at the trees in the distance. He sighed, “The race is about to start and Ollie’s not coming out of his driver room. Estelle said she’d be here but she’s not and he’s locked himself in.” 

The words hung heavy in the air, “And what does that have to do with me?” you asked flatly. You knew exactly what he meant. But you weren’t going to do that, you were done with Ollie and everything to do with him. 

“You know exactly what it has to do with you. Did you really think Ollie forgot about you that easily? You’re dumber than I thought.” he quipped unhelpfully. 

“Thanks,” you muttered miserably, Arthur winced. 

“What I meant is that you can’t give up this easily, you and I both know how stupid Ollie can be sometimes.” 

You chuckled softly, letting a tiny smile creep onto your face. Arthur wasn’t wrong. When you and Ollie were both 8 you invited him over for Easter to make coloured eggs. It resulted in 20 cracked eggs on the kitchen tiles when Ollie accidentally knocked them off the bench. The two of you had stared at the mess on the ground before bursting out laughing until you were both in tears. It was safe to say that you both spent the next 2 hours scrubbing the tiles and the yolk that had stained the grout in between them. 

“Yeah.” you said softly, looking at the sun that had been swallowed by the top of the palm trees, the stars in the sky beginning to appear as you sat in the light underneath a lamp post. 

“So?”

“Okay, I’ll get him out of the room but after that I’m out of here. I want to go home.” 

Arthur gave you a quick thumbs up as you raised your hand to knock gently on the door to the driver’s room. There wasn’t a reply, only dead silence and that’s when you heard it, crying from inside the room. 6-year-old you would’ve kicked down the door and done anything to get to your best friend. But here you stood outside the room, sending hopeless glances at Arthur who was standing behind you. 

“Ollie?” you called out hesitantly, the crying halted and there was another long moment of silence. You pressed your ear up against the door, waiting for an answer. 

“Yeah?” his shaky voice replied, you breathed a sigh of relief. You turned around, beckoning Arthur to leave you both, he only nodded, mouthing ‘OK’ as he slipped down the hallway. Turning back to the driver’s room you took a deep breath in, you didn’t want to go in. You didn’t think you could face him after what happened earlier. 

“You came,” he said as your hand rested on the handle of the door but there was resistance, it was still locked. 

“Of course, are you okay?” you asked, immediately regretting asking as soon as it left your mouth. You cursed yourself silently as you awaited Ollie’s answer. Soft sniffles came from the other side of the door, “Yeah.” he finally replied quietly but loud enough for you to hear from the other side of the door.

What were you supposed to say to get him out of the driver’s room?

“Everyone’s waiting for you, you can’t stay in there forever.” you gently reminded him, sighing as you sat down, back leaning up against the door. There was another long moment of silence as you rested your head on the door, stretching your legs out for comfort. 

“I don’t think I can do it.” he said, taking you by surprise. The Ollie you’d known wasn’t afraid of anything, he was confident in almost everything he did, almost it seemed. 

“Oliver, you’re being crazy. You are by far the most talented driver I’ve ever seen.” you told him, staring at the roof of the building as you heard a sigh from the other side of the door. “You’re just saying that because you’re my girlfriend, Estelle.” 

You froze as if you’d just been stabbed by icicles, Ollie thought you were Estelle. 

Of course. He’d been expecting her, Arthur had told you before. You scoffed to yourself quietly, you would’ve stood up and left if it wasn’t the fact that you were here to get Ollie out of the driver’s room he had oh so nicely locked himself in. You let out a soft sigh as you racked your brain for what you should say to him. 

“I’m not. It’s the truth, Ollie.” you told him with a heavy heart, feeling as if you were just setting yourself up to get your heart broken all over again. You took a deep breath in, “You are such an amazing driver it’s literally insane, not only that but you’re by far the kindest, most selfless person I know. It’s crazy that you think you can’t do this, because I know that you can. Ferrari chose you to drive for them for a reason, they know what you’re capable of, everyone else does too. I see you and you’re extraordinary, you have this spark inside you that’s amazing. And . . . maybe that’s the reason why I love you. I always have, and when I had the chance I should’ve told you but I didn’t because your friendship has always meant more to me than my own feelings.” you let out a shaky breath. 

“You’re a good person, Ollie. You’ve earned a chance to show the world just how great and insanely talented you are, are you really going to throw it away?” 

You blinked back tears, who knew you could get so emotional after giving such a life changing speech?

You rubbed your eyes and cleared your throat, letting out a deep sigh. It was time to leave now, Ollie would have realised by now that it was you who was speaking to him and not Estelle. As you began to get up, leaning against the door for support you heard a click!

Oh shit, was the only thought that went through your mind as you lost your footing and fell backwards, the door frame offering you no help at all as you grasped at it helplessly. You stared up at Ollie as you laid at his feet, a million thoughts racing through your mind. He was in his fireproofs with his race suit tied around his waist as he looked down at you, eyebrows knitted. There were tear stains on his flushed cheeks as he stared at you with those wide brown eyes you’d seen among the books all those years ago. 

“Y/N?” 

a/n: sorry if it was so quick and rushed i just wanted to post something! Thank you if you got the end, ik it was super long for no reason, so thank you! Please let me know what you think, likes and reblogs are always appreciated, thank you and have an amazing day xx

[into-f0lkl0re]

Paige bueckers head cannons

I’m in the writing mood idk why

not spell checked (srry)

warnings: slightly nsfw at the end

enjoy!!

———————————————————————

sfw

* definitely liked you first. i feel like caroline probably introduced you guys and she was immediately internally freaking out because you were so nice and chill and polar opposite of her

* would literally do anything to impress you like would jump really high and than turn around to make sure you saw

* for example say yall are in target to get some tru fru (cuz yk she loves her tru fru. her and kk have a serious problem god damn) and you are just pushing the cart not paying attention and she is just like “babe look babe look” “ watch this” “ are you watching??” and you finally are like yes paige and she just does a run a jump to touch something really high and then just skips back to you like “did you see that? you saw that right? I jumped so high!!!!”

* whenever she is on live with kk will just constantly talk about you to the point where everyone else is so fucking annoyed

* like kk is trying to give a crumbl review in her room (that one live) and is like “this one’s mint, i don’t like mint so im not gonna try it but ice wants some” and paige is just like “did you guys know that y/n loves mint. her favorite ice cream is mint chip and like the other day we wer-“ and you just see kk roll her eyes and groan really loudly “paige let me rate this damn cookie” and paige is just like 😧 cuz she just loves talking about you sm cuz your her baby

* during games every time she makes a basket will search for you in the audience and then smile really big

* speaking of games best believe she wants you at every single game and when you can’t go to one she is like ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️

* and gives you the silent treatment ( not like literally) but she is just so pouty

* like “ babe wdym you have to study for midterms? I have a game tonight. you have to be there” if this is after she recovers from her acl injury she will be like “it’s bad luck if you don’t come. i’m gonna get hurt again” and then you end up going just to cheer her up.

* loves to play video games with you

* if you don’t like playing video games than she just wants to be in the same room as you

* very clingy and touchy especially when drunk

* gets very very pouty when y’all are cuddling and you have to get up to do something

* will follow you around like a lost puppy until you can’t sit down with her again

* if you are studying or working and can’t exactly talk to her or entertain her she will just sit next to you and watch what you are doing or play with your hair

* if you are doing something on the computer she will start braiding your hair while looking over your shoulder

* her love languages are physical touch and quality time together

nsfw

* dom like 95% of the time but loves when you take control

* like after a really hard practice or game or just a shit day in general she really just wants you to take care of her

* you guys do not have a stone top/pillow princess dynamic (sorry not sorry) ( like yk how a lot of times the mascs will get treated like men in the relationship. that is not your guys relationship) you both give

* she loves to please you but also loves being pleased

* strap ( that’s it)

* she likes using the strap on you but she loves to be eaten out or honestly sometimes a really heated make out session and she just gets off from grinding on you

* she leaves a bunch of hickies all over you (i mean every where)

* wishes you could leave hickies all over her but you can’t that often because of her basket ball uniform

* but best believe off season she is covered in them

* safe word!!! she doesn’t really do overstimulation to much because safe word is not the goal. a safe word is like an emergency stop button

* but y’all can give for a bit

* if you two ever got to a place where you had to use the safe word she would feel so bad

* like y’all wouldn’t have sex for the next couple days because she is so scared of hurting you

* it gets to the point where you have to be like “ i promise you will not hurt me what happened was a miscommunication you didn’t do anything wrong”

* y’all have a really long talk on consent and shit like that because your safety is her no.1 priority

* same goes the other way around

* just loves you smm and loves showing it in anyway she can

I hope y’all like this!! I want to write for other wbb/wnba people as well so please send in requests 🙏 of what y’all would want

i will def do more headcannons for other people as well just ask! I honestly have been having sm writing and i have a bunch of ideas in my notes app! ik the smut wasn’t very smutty (im srry) i don’t have a lot of experience writing smut but i am not against writing it so i will write more if wanted!

Big forehead kisses💕💕

-Faye

[v-i-r-i-d-i-a-n]

After watching the Crystmas one shot I’ve been sucked back into riptide by my throat, so I did watch episode 92 without doing any quotes because it was early and I was tired BUT

Episode 93 “Legend Lore” quotes and moments!!

Also if Alphonse dies I’m gonna (remembers suicide jokes only harm myself and those around me) sob into my pillow

THE CONDI INTRO IS KILLING MEEEE

“But with gun you can BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG. And all your problems are solved!! :DD”

Magical sword;”you can’t be serious.”

Gillion;”OH SO NOW YOUVE GOT SOMETHING TO SAY?”

Brb gonna go sob in my pillow

Earl being fucking FROZEN is so funny

Ollie; “what if- what if instead of making Alphonse the canon, we made Alphonse the ship!”

Jay;”that is an INSANE idea IM IN.”

Jay;”Damn I need to try weed sometime”

Gillion;”THATS YOUR TAKE AWAY FROM TODAY?? Weed kills people 😭😭”

Jay;”I just need to rework the blueprints a bit but…they’re made for this ship so-“

Gillion;”If it doesn’t work…can I be the ship?”

Jay;”Gillion…yeah, yeah you can. You are the ship.”

Gillion;”You’re right you’re right I am the ship I am the ship- I’ve been awake for 48 hours.”

Jay;”Thank you for the kind words that means a lot.”

Griffin;”Like I said, soft and cuddly on the inside.”

Chip;”would it still be the Millennium Chipper…or would it be the Millennium Alphonse?”

Gillion;”Hear me out…the Alphatross”

Gillion;”And then I can be the ship!”

Chip;”Gillion- do you understand what “being the ship” would be?”

Gillion;”Oh yeah,”

Chip;”No arms- no legs? Just-“

Gillion;”Speed. Power. Buoyancy.”

Chip;”BUT YOU WOULDNT HAVE ARMS??”

Ollie;”I have no idea what’s going on :((“

Gillion;”You’d be a good boat”

Ollie;”what. 😟”

Gillion;”I am the boat, the boat is me, I am the boat, the boat is me, to be the boat is to be free”



Chip getting splashed by Queen twirling a mop

Chip;”You widdle or… think about bein’ a boat- goddamnit.”

Chip;”I think Gillion just thought up a new color.”

Gillion;”Gurple. 😇”

Jay;”I mean, it makes sense he’s your grandpa”

Gillion *looks down at Finn’s essentially porn novel*;”I know….thats what I’m worried about 😟”

Chip;”I mean he’s taking a bath with his grandpa I don’t wanna be here for this-“

OMG FINN FINNNNN FINN HES FINALLY HERE

“PEEPAW BE GETTING DOWN” IM SOBBING HELP ME LMAO

Gillion;”I’m sorry I’m not very good with my words, and I don’t know where we are- I just need you to be out there again!” The way I’m gonna start sobbing

NVM APPARENTLY GILLION IS SUPLEXING FINNS SUBCONSCIOUS NO LONGER ON THE VERGE OF TEARS

Drey and Finn Drey and Finn Drey and Finn I love them they’re getting reunited

Gillion;”Does- does that say garble bodarble?”

Gillion;”Sometimes I forget that I can read.”

Gillion;”I call upon the spell that is boss to give us that hot goss”

GODDD THE LORE IS SO LORING ITS SO LORE AGHHHHH

Gillion;”well…that is the most threatening thing I have ever read”

I love how Goobleck just…exists. And Grizzly just lets it happen ITS SO FUNNY

Gillion;”So not…good stuff”

Goobleck;”No very bad!”

Gillion;”…what.”

Gillion;”they all sound fucking COOL AS SHIT but I don’t know who they are :((“

Drey;”I honestly never believed in em’”

Gillion;”That’s my mom you’re talking about. Be nice.”

Gillion and Chip, fish n chips my absolute beloved <33

Ughh I missed these stupid pirates

[my-brain-soup]

I've Never Seen Luka, But Jon Kent Has

Basically I've never watched Luka but I read a fanfic where Jon gets the teen titans to watch it (parallels are drawn between Luca and Alberto and Jon and Damian) so now I will be watching it and writing the thoughts I have during it

No I will not give context and spoiler warning ig

Love the music during the studio logos

We love a superstitious king, I mean, I have a feeling he has a point

IF THEY HIT HIM IMMA BE SO PISSED

Awww, he's such a polite little guy

Luca is a farm boy!!! I love my little Jon Kent varient :)

I, too, would risk my life for shiny object

I, too, do the murder

OMG THEIR SO JON AND DAMIAN BUT LIKE BEING HUMAN IS BEING A VIGILANTE AND ITS THE SAME AS THEIR START BASICALLY I LOVE THEM

HE EVEN HAS THE SUPERMAN CURL

Dami would say he invented walking

And pretend he's not proud of Jon

THEYRE SO CUTESY

Bruno? Or Bruce...o... you get the idea

Sorry, they have Luca grab Alberto like that and expect me not to see them as the most adorable little guy love story? Their so crushing on each other

"You're so lucky your dad lets you do what you want," cue Superman's comment about Bruce getting hit on the head all the time

NO WAY THEIR SENDING HIM TO (basically) BOARDING SCHOOL TO KEEP HIM AWAY FROM THE "bad influence" THAT IS ALBERTO

Yes! Grandma, my queen!

"We can do anything" I love this movie

MY FRIEND SMELLS AMAZING

God I don't know her name yet but I love her

JULIA OR HOWEVER YOU SAY IT

We're not telling you our secrets! Tells secrets immediately.

FROM EVERYTHING YOU LOVE?????

I love Alberto so muchhhhhh

I love Mr dad human

Oh they know SOO many fish

No way everyone, including an adult, just saw that bitch rob some kids and didn't do shit

He is a sad little catfish

Why are his parents actually crazy

Aww, Alberto doesn't want to lose his friend

Noooooooo

Luca just wants to learn, and Alberto just wants to feel loved :(

How is the gayest looking dude there being homophobic?

When your new father figue wants to kill your entire species

Alberto got mad when Julia touched Luca's hand...

Why does Luca's hair looks like a croissant

NO LUCA WTF

I WAS ALMOST ON YOUR SIDE

GOD WHAT THE HELL

YES, MR DAD HUMAN, I LOVE YOU PLEASE DONT KILL YOUR NEW SON

FUCK.

IM NOT CRYING.

Nooooo

Their fort :(

BESTIE NO

NO ALBERTO MY BABY NO

STOP PUSHING PEOPLE AWAY SO YOU DONT GET HURT. IT'S NOT GONNA WORK

God the organizer adult lady us such a bitch

Why is no one concerned that the scuba kid isn't coming up for air?

Aww, his little clap self tap in

It's totally about to rain

Well shit. Sometimes I hate when I'm right

WAIT WAS THAT ALBERTO

I TAKE IT BACK I LOVE WHEN IM RIGHT

FUCK

NO I TAKE IT BACK AGAIN

I love them so much!!!!

MR DAD HUMAN NO

MR DAD HUMAN YES

YAYYYY

KING

Is the mom the same person that voiced Aunt Cass in big hero 6?

YES LOVE ME THE OLD LADIES

I decided it is a metaphor for older lgbtq people, feeling able to come out after younger generations have proved that times have changed, I love them

(They're sisters, so they're not together, but they can still be gay!)

BRO ITS SO ABOUT BEING GAY I LOVE THIS MOVIE

BRO ALBERTO

THOSE LITTLE LOOKS

YOU'RE NOT FOOLING ANYONE

JULIA 100% KNOWS

About his crush, not just Luca going to school

AHHHH HES SO SWEET

YES, MR DAD HUMAN, YOU NEED EACH OTHER

Their in love, your honor

THEIR LITTLE HAND HOLDING THING I CANT

IM SO MENTALLY ILL FOR GAY FISH

IM CRYING AGAIN

AHHH, THEY RIGHT EACH OTHER LETTERS

ALBERTO LOOKS SO SMITTEN WHEN THEY'RE ON THE PHONE

ALBERTO GETS HIS KNIFE

DOES HE BECOME A LIFEGAURD???

I love this movie

So much

DAMIAN ALSO HAS A CAT AND JON ALSO HAS A DOG

Also, here is my formal apology, her name is spelled Giulia, my b

Alberto learns to carve wood, awww

Also, does Luca EVER get shoes?

I've decided I need an Alberto to become a tattoo artist future au, at least like on the side or for fun or sm

The dedication is adorable

Yes, I just watched all of the credits. What about it?

I was rewarded with an after credits scene, so fuck you.

I'm gonna watch all the deleted scenes now, I'm not gonna specify which one so have fun guessing

Haha, they called Alberto and Luca the main relationship

BOO STOP TRYING TO GIVE LUCA A CRUSH ON GIULIA

YES ALBERTO CHEER ON THE KRAKEN AGAINST THE HUNTER

YES! CONFORMED LUCA A GIULIA ONLY PLATONIC

Also, she was almost a photographer, like TIM DRAKE?!?!?

Don't worry, Luca, I'll ride in a barrel lit on fire down a hill with you

Awww, they were raised by a lobsterrr

BRING BACK CANNED SEA MONSTER FACTORY

OH SEA MONSTER CAN PASS BUT IF THEIR FOUND OUT THE CONSEQUENCES MIGHT BE REALKY DIRE??? SOUNDS KINDA GAY TO ME.

Oh, Jon is extremely charming

I love how they used different animation styles (in how they had the characters move) on land and in the water

PH THE TRANSFORMATION ISN'T CELEBRATED IN LUCAS FAMILY AND HE MAKES IT A CONSIOUS DEASITION TO CHANGE HIS THINKING FROM I SHOULDNT DO THIS TO I SHOULD EMBRASE THIS? SOUNDS KINDA GAY TO ME

Bro, not the first version where Alberto outs Luca to Giulia, eek

And finally, Ciao Alberto!

Aww, Luca wants to see to Portorosso!

THE GAY OLD LADY SISTERS ARE DEFINITELY CLOSE WITH ALBERTO, AND I LOVE IT FOR ALL OF THEM

He finally has people who care about him!!!

AWW ALBERTO JUST WANTS MR DAD HUMAN TO BE PROUD OF HIM

Alberto, you do NOT got this

DONT LIGHT THE BOAT ON FIRE

OH SHIT

Noooo!!! Don't leave!!!

YOU'RE NOT HIS EMPLOYEE, YOU'RE HIS SON

HE CALLED HIM DAD!!!

YAY HUGS

I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

MY HEART

I CANT

I love Alberto being an artist (a bad one, for now, but still and artist)

Okay, that's it, Ciao :)

[lavender-z-love]

Show | Light Yagami

Pairing | Enemies/Lovers?, Teasdere x Kamidere, Friends/lovers?

Genre | Fluff?, Angst?

Warnings | potential spelling errors because I was rushing to finisg this 💀

w/c | 1k w.

A/n | This is short, just trying to kick back into things. I been busy with school and I had a big creativity block. For like a year. Bare with me ♡

You fold your arms, with that smug face..he hated you for it, but he loved that about you.

"So..you want me to play...your girlfriend?" You laugh. Light grits his teeth in annoyance. Can't you just take this seriously?! After all, the both of you are pretty much in the same boat. You knew about the Death Note. You knew Light was Kira. You knew he had the Death note and you chose to aid in this. Though, to see Light himself ASKING for help was new.

"Can you not be childish for one minute" You stand, turning your back to him. Finding the situation funny...I mean THE kira is asking for help. He's got a god complex but so do you.

"Okay Im listening"

"Why not, Im always seen with you. I could use you for the next few days as an alibi"

...You look back at him with those gorgeous dark eyes. "Okay Kira~ I'll play your little game". Light jumps to his feet, covering your mouth. He scolds,"Don't! Say that so loud".

You grab his hand and pull it down,"So when does the show begin?"

"It starts now, I actually need you today. Since you've been to my house before it won't seem random or out of the blue."

Which..is what let to the present. Knowing there were under surveillance why not give them a show. You straddled light pinning him down by interlocking his fingers with yours. Poor thing, he's never been in this situation before. How is he supposed to act? You on top of him with the knowledge of cameras watching the both of you, Ryuk possibly watching you both.

Your finger teasing against Light's lip.. "Light Baby"

He looks up at you, propping himself up on his elbows. "Y-Yes?" He asks, unsure of what you might say. Surely enough, he has an idea you're up to something as you chuckle. "What do you think about Kira–"

You could see his eye twitch in annoyance.."Why..bring him up..Y/n?" You found it hard to hold in your laughter...

"Well, I do find him pretty admirable. I think..he's pretty hot." You say smirking down at Light. Light scoffs,"You say this– in front of your boyfriend?.."

You boop his nose and pout at him. "I should be honest with my boyfriend right?"

His eye twitches. Its clear you're trying to annoy him and hes aware. He flips you over, him his hands rest on both sides of your head. "Wont you..not talk about other men in front of your boyfriend?"

"Oh dont take it personal Light-"

Light cuts you off, "Y/n. Am I, not enough?". He states, looking down at you with sad eyes. Its almost like, he ment it. For the first time, Light manages to make you feel bad. You smile and reach up to brush his hair past his eyes. "Oh Light. You're more than enough." Yet he reminds silent, still looking down at you. "Light, Im– sorry, I should stop messing with you like that."

Light smirks, "Not necessarily, you dont have to stop. I like it...sometimes." He chuckles lightly. You cup his face. "Oh you like it when I mess you all the time. I heard that hesitation. Light scoffs. "Oh..whatever. Maybe."

You both laugh. You both go quiet, glaring at one another not even taking in the slightly suggestive position you're both in...Light cups your face– slowly, gradually getting closer to your face as your hands found their way to his shoulders.

What seemed like the almost perfect moment ruined by dry laughter.

"I thought you guys were just acting?"

Light stopped moving closer to you, realizing what his unearthly companion had said. None the less..maybe you'd forgotten you were currently being watched by Ryuzaki and Mr. Yagami, but it didn't take you long to realize there were more ways to make this scene seem real.

You huffed and sat up. "LIght"

He nods at you with those dreamy eyes, waiting for you to speak. "Let's go out. Wanna do something?"

Light nods. "I'd love to."

Regardless acting or not Ryuzaki would fall for it..right?

...........................................................................

Written on September 22nd, 2024

[ultra-raging-ghost]

I REACHED POST LIMIT SO HERES MY POST FROM 9:20 ONWARD

"Goodbye my three little ones, your father has to go"

"Im sorry chat, i guess ill just speak from the heart. the way i lost dapper and pomme i dont think i really.. had time to process, so losing him like this feels like losing all three of them at the same time"

Visiting bagis... poor zeno fucking died to a rooster LMAO i missed bagis place so fucking bad

searching for pepito.... where is my baby.... where is my little pepito, there pepito is

Bad doesnt really know what to do with himself, hes still sad but richas is like. Officially gone. Which is a crazy thing to process. I was having a hard time dealing with it but i think richas' final goodbye made me feel a lot better about it,it doesnt feel like theres a nail in the back of my brain now, im a little more content with this at least. Wont really be happy about it, but more content with it

We're gonna go leave a richas flower (blue orchid) at bagi's old base <3 just like how we left a cornflower at a place special to pomme.

hehehe agent 18/panks_ is in chat and theyre tormenting bad for fun

Offering pepito the opportunity to visit one last place, bad plans on coming back and visiting a couple final places sometime soon, not tonight but soon. Probably gonna end after pepito picks where to go

pepito cant think of anywhere, bads picking one more place to go

PEPITO TIME AT THE OFFICIAL DAPPER TIME SPOT??? LETS GOOOOO

Pepitos gonna be temporarily dapper while in the official dapper time spot <333

bads back, i got so comfortable in the old house that i forgot we have to leave. Just a wave of sadness washed over me, it feels like leaving home all over again, it feels like we should be able to walk into the old spawn from dappers train station and see pierre and pomme and etoiles again

pomme in chat... assuring bad she and dapper wont be leaving any time soon. Bad promises us he has some really fun stuff hes been working on he thinks we'll enjoy, this journey isnt over

while waiting for pepito we're reminiscing on when he had to triangulate the Dont have Your Gun thing that was playing that he couldnt find LMAO

currently visiting the old subway bad was building with dapper underground.... the new terrain generation generated a FULL end city RIGHT next to it!!!!

gonna visit bobby fields another day, thats another day issue, but dapper wanted to go see it with him lol

Bad found out Lullah and Richas were leaving yesterday, sounds like he didnt know chay was leaving till today

BOOOOOOOO BOOOOOO BOO IS HERE!!!! HELLO BOO!!!!!!

Pepitos playing around in the balloons Boo left <33

Bad: Yeah i remember when pomme and dapper came in one of these end cities and scared the muffins out of me Pomme: ?????? Pomme: bro you were dead Bad: I STILL REMEMBER.......

We're gonna go play Wordlos (or however you spell it) one last time before leaving the old spawn <3 gonna see if we can get it to work!!!

kinda works!!! Kinda!!! It mostly works!!!! gonna play!!!!!

"I am so proud of your spanish uncle bad!!! its a great advance to know how to explain something, its the most important thing"

We're looking at the paintings, this is it for the day. Richas logged off with bads statue painting so hes probably never gonna see that again LMAO "thats why we get screenshots"

Pepitos saying a little goodnight to the ghosties <33 pepitos gonna eat all of us up because we're so cute. "I see everything, too. EVERYTHIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGG". Pepitos telling us to rest, eat, and drink water, and do our favorite things. We deserve it, to remember not to be sad it ended but be happy it happened at all <3

Bads planning on streaming tomorrow, hes not 100% sure what we'll be doing but he isnt gonna let this crank his steam

Pepitos planning on getting on tomorrow! or whenever! pepito doesnt know when pepito gets on LMAO

Thats all for todays stream, ending at 10:15, goodnight bad, richas, pomme, and dapper <3

[sturnstvs]

the smallest man who ever lived - matt sturniolo

warnings: super sad, no happy ending, toxic matt, mentions of drugs

summary: in which being best friends with benefits doesn't turn out they way either of you would have expected

note: also quick thing I don't know if im doing the song justice I hope you like it. this is just my take on it. also I'm bad at grammer and spelling so sorry about that

bold - lyrics

matt x reader.

was any of it true? gazing at me starry-eyed

you wernt sure when It happened. deep down you knew this would ruin you but you still went with it. you wondered if the words he muttered and they way he looked at you was real. you knew it wasn't real but you also knew you couldn't get enough

in your jehovah's witness suit

matt dressed well. everyone who came in contact with him knew that. he had a style that was like no other. even when it was lying on the floor of your room. he cared what people thought of him sometimes but being in the influencer industry he couldn't

who the fuck was that guy?

you didn't recognize him sometimes, it was like he had different personality's for different people. or maybe just everyone else and then you. one time you were at a party for some influencer and nick had invited you, being their best friend and all you accepted their invite. you being who you are didn't go to party's often especially with the boys. so when you saw matt in his natural party state lets just say it more then shocked you.

he was all over girls. dabbing people up like he was best friends with everyone there. maybe he was, you didn't know. you vividly remember you asking nick where matt got all this random confidence from. nick just brushed it off saying matt was just being himself, however to you, you couldn't recognize him.

you tried to buy some pills from a friend of friends of mine

it came back to you one day from some people that you knew that sold drugs, that matt had tried to buy something to calm his nerves. apparently he asked one of his friends not knowing you were also friends with some of them. you knew he was having some trouble however you didn't think that it had come this far.

they just ghosted you

they didnt give a reply back to matt after you told them about what had more then likely been happening. it probly wasnt your place but you did care about him and you didn't want him to spiral.

now you know what it feels like

the first time matt ghosted you, you kept wondering what you did wrong. when you confronted matt about it he shrugged it off as it was nothing. making it up to you in the only way he knew how. sex. you thought he wouldn't ghost you again but you were wrong. at this point you were used to it. he was probably balls deep into another girl for all you know. when matt came to you after he couldn't get the pills you couldn't help but feel no remorse. you had been ghosted before and it didn't feel good, and now he knew what it felt like.

and I don't even want you back I just want to know

reflecting back on what you once had was always a challenge. it brought up painful memories. he had fucked up once again and it was your last straw, you were done. a few months later though you had to go back you couldn't resist

if rusting my sparkling summer was the goal

your summer was great. hanging out with your best firends when they were in their glimmering prime. hell you where even talking to a guy. you decided that summer you were going to start taking care of yourself more. you where having the time of your life. however when you and matt slept together for the first time that summer it was like it became something bigger. something that you couldn't get enough from.

and I don't miss what we had

you knew you shouldn't. you knew you where going to regret it but you couldn't help it. his touch was mesmerizing. he made you feel safe and welcome. but at the same time when you guys were away from each other you didn't miss him. you didn't miss him completely ignoring you after the amazing sex you had the night prior.

but could someone give a message to the smallest man who ever lived

when nick and chris found out that you wouldn't be around for a while they where beyond confused. they didn't think any of them had done anything wrong. but after all you said was "ask your brother" and hung up the phone they knew he had done something to fuck it up.

they didn't know. they didn't know you to were hoking up, all they knew was you were best friends. they yelled at matt telling him how fucked up whatever he did to you was, it was like your words were the ones shooting daggers in to his heart. but it wasn't you, it was your message.

you hung me on your wall stabbed me with your push pins

when matt hooked up with other girls you hated to say it but it hurt. it hurt like hell because you knew that one of those girls could eventually be his, even if the sex sucked. with you the sex was great, but that's all it was.

in public showed me off

in public weather it be a party or just simply around his brothers he acted like you guys where strictly friends. you knew deep down you weren't, but that also didn't mean he felt the same

then sank in stoned oblivion

when you to weren't having sex though and were alone, he acted like you weren't there. like you meant nothing to him but then when you came home with a mark on your neck he would ask where you got it from and that only he could mark you like that.

cause once your queen had come

he found is dream girl. you knew it was never going to be you, even though you wished it was. they clicked so well, like they were matches in the missing puzzle of life

you'd treat her like an also-ran

you found out the hard way he treated her like he did with you, just as her girlfriend. which in terms was way worse. you felt bad for her but at the same time, it was matt. this shit always happens with people like him

you didn't measure up in any measure of a man

matt wasn't a man. he wasn't a gentleman you would see in disney movies. he was fully grown and had the appearance of one, but he just wasn't actually one. he treated girls like they were a piece of gum. he was still in his douche bag phase

he kept repeating the same cycle with you over and over again. it was never ending.

you guys hooked up, he treated you like shit after, said you where friends to everyone, fucked something up with you, you would say you where done telling his brothers you wouldn't be over, and they would yell the same shit to him once again. he still however didn't seem to take the message to change.

you hated to say it but you wanted more, you wanted to be something to him but all your friends told you, you were crazy and you knew they were right. he wasn't going to change.

were you sent by someone who wanted me dead?

you always wondered if the world was against you. nothing seemed to go right in the endless void that was your life. you knew you had enemies. being attractive your whole life, getting guys peple wanted you knew you might have had enemies especially being friends with so many influences, so when matt started acting this way towards you, you thought maybe this was a clap back from someone who hated you.

did you sleep with a gun underneath our bed?

everytime you guys finished and you fell back to bed he seemed tense like their was a monster hiden under the bed.

were you writing a book?

you always wondered why you fell into this situation. it was something that you would read in a book. you never thought that you would live it. was this research for him. was it a book?

were you a sleeper cell spy?

was he doing this because it was his job? there was no way, the matt that you grew up with would ever do this to you but here he was doing this to you.

in 50 years will all this be declassifed?

you often wondered if he would ever tell you why he was doing this to you but you soon found out that it wouldn't be for years if he ever did say something.

and you'll confess why you did it

he finally told you after about the sixth time of the back and forth that he did it for you because he loved you and he didn't want what the fans would say to ruin that.

and I'll say "good riddance"

when he finally told you this you where happy, he finally told you the one thing that had been hanging over your shoulders. but you weren't happy with the way he planned it out.

cause it wasn't sexy once it wasn't forbidden

you could see it in his eyes, though you knew that he was still worried. a relationship wasn't seen in the near future and you both knew that. once he had confessed why he did what he did, it didn't make you immediately awe at him like he thought it would. he hurt you deeply and he was paying for it. and he was an idiot for thinking it would end well.

i would've died for your sins instead I just died inside

if you where to ask younger y/n if she would take the heat for matt she would've instantly said yes but if you were to ask present day y/n she would say "no he hurt me to much" her heart died with all the love she had for matt stored in it as well.

and you deserve prison but you wont get time

she thought after what he did he should be locked up for all the damage she knew he caused on her heart. unfortunately for her, however you don't go to prison for emotionally hurting someone.

you'll slide into inboxes and slip though the bars

he tried so hard to contact y/n once she ran out of his house that night but it was no use, she just left him on read. he even tired going to her house but she wouldn't answer

you crashed my party and your rental car

you had a party after your argument with matt wanting to let off some steam. nick and chris were invited but their brother was not. he was the reason you had this party, he was the reason you had changed. somehow (probably from his brothers or social media) he found out about the party and came to try and apologize but you wouldn't accept it. he left extremely annoyed at himself for causing you the pain that he did. he ended up crashing the car that he rented while his was in the shop, on the way home. and when you heard about it the next morning you just said it was karma

you said normal girls were "boring"

he always told you when you guys would have sex that you were very adventurous with the things you did. other girls before you weren't as exciting as you were.

but you were gone by the morning

he would leave instantly early the next morning. going from your house to his before his brothers woke up. leaving extremely late at night and in the early hours in the morning, he would always tell you that he did it so you wouldn't get caught but you were never 100% sure that was the reason.

you kicked out the stage lights but you're still preforming

he dropped the act he pulled when you were sleeping together but he was still trying to get you back even though that was the last thing you wanted.

and in plain sight you hid

it was hard to show his face after what he did to you but he had to put on a brave fake smile to the camera for his job. but you could tell he was trying to hide the shame he brought upon you.

but you are what you did

you could never forgive him for the pain he caused you. he wounded you so deep you had to cut off your childhood best friends because it was too much to even look at him. every time you did look at him you were just reminded of the heartbreak.

and I'll forget you but I'll never forgive

you moved on as soon as you felt ready enough to. even though it took a while to heal after the cut matt had dug deep in your chest, you were eventually able to move on. a year later you saw him again and you made eye contact, but you turned away quickly walking up to your boyfriend. you could never forgive the man that hurt you, while also hurting himself in the process.

the smallest man who ever lived.

note: some parts in here might be a little confusing and I'm so sorry about that. like taylor i dont know what you mean by some of these lyrics.

sorry this might be bad. I'm not great at writing.

make sure you check out my other one shots and my delilah series!

requests are open! so feel free to send me some! just make sure to look at my restrictions

[goodoldwritings]

gaah u have no idea how excited i was 2 find sfl writers out there,,,, it was a pleasant surprise!!! but uhm anyway i was wondering if i could request the four main cultists from date to die for x a masc reader like after the events of the game where its all happy and cheery and stuff... im not sure how it would work for Buck, but i rlly wanna see more of him 😭 if u cant think of anything i would be just as happy if you did before the events of the game instead!! sorry if this is too much but thank u!!!

A lovely ask! I wondered if anyone would ask for the cultists, However I don't have Character edits for them yet.

Warnings:

Spoilers for: Sucker For Love Date To Die For

Summary:

Headcanons for Buck, Kid, Nanni and Billy getting a happily ever after with a masculine reader.

Nanni:

Hot girl summer? Nah 💅Hot girl eternity💅

Even if she is the stereotypical hot blonde girl she isn't stupid, trusting? Yes but not stupid.

Matching nails, it doesn't matter your personality nor your opinion on nail polish you at the very LEAST have your pinkies done to match hers and at the MOST have matching outfits too!

I have this feeling she would volunteer at the library with Muu and gush about the best couples in town. Occationally Rhok'zan joins in to be filled in on all the relationship gossip.

Easily apologizes for her actions in the cult without you asking her to, forgets who she's already apologized to and starts a list in her bedroom.

The only one with family to meet! (None of the other cultists Mentioned family) Nanni constantly elbows you to not mention the cult stuff in front of her parents because they forgot when the world ended and started again.

Also+ double dates with Rhok'zan and Stardust! You are good friends with the pair (How does one give hooves a manicure? Nanni probably looks up a tutorial about caring for goat and Cow hooves to take inspiration from to do it herself)

Rhok'zan loves your relationship with Nanni! You're adorable and she's expecting younglings from you asap! She would love to babysit!

Billy:

Hear me out, Billy is opening a gym, it just feels right. The Gym is based on honor and respect and keeps the utopian folks from "getting soft"

Your "romantic moments" are wrestling eachother to the ground at the gym. She probably kicks your butt no matter how good or bad of shape you are in.

Takes the longest to apologize for any of her actions in the cult, mostly she's just apologizing to Rhok'zan and Stardust.

You two probably keep the town safe by just existing, every Utopia has people who want to mess it up but- look at Billy and think "would I want to fight her and do her loved ones harm?-" No. She will go John wick.

Kid annoys Billy but you don't mind him, it's funny to watch them interact. Sometimes you take Kid with you to the gym just to mess with Billy.

Despite how rough tough and difficult Billy is, helping her braid her hair is a soft activity you two probably do. She is a tad tsundere about it but... she totally could do her hair herself, so she's letting you do it.

Rhok'zan is Concerned, she knows all relationships are different but watching Billy pin you to the floor in a chokehold (lovingly) has her perplexed.

Kid:

I had the most ideas for him first, hear me out- You write and play music together! (Or if you're not musically talented you help the best ya can!)

In Rhok'zan's almost utopian world you two are like a two person boy band working on making his dream come true without Bucks magic brainwashing.

Or you're like his manager, keeping him from doing stupid things in the heat of the moment.

But first there is the guilt, he cannot apologize to most of the people he wronged because they don't remember. He remembers and it causes him doubt about his career on bad days.

Similarly to wondering if his fans have the free will to love him, he wonders if you too are somehow brainwashed by this world. Prepare for clingy mornings and "are you sure you're not under a spell-"

"Yes, I'm sure you dummy."

Given its a masculine reader- sharing clothes and accessories, he loves to match! At the very least match bracelets at all times.

Rhok'zan thinks your relationship is adorable! You're good for eachother (and definitely wants to use her powers to get you some kids but that's intense!)

Buck:

"I can fix him I swear." I'm kidding! If I can love Nyanlathotep, you can love Buck.

It took a while for stardust to convince Buck to come see the Utopia world. That is when you met.

The first thing is his appearance, he is... messed up, but I just imagine after the equivalent of eons gazing at the stars he has this cool starry look to him. Give the man smoochy kisses to make him feel better, just smother him in affection-

Emotional support, Therapy human.

You are quickly trusted to supervise him and be his tour guide around. Buck has no access to magic nor is he really mad anymore.

You get him some nice clothes and he stays with you at your home, he is a homebody these days with his appearance and what he's done.

Eventually you set up a meeting with the others (Nanni, Kid, Billy and Stardust) for apologies but getting Him and Rhok'zan in the same room is far harder- given he tortured her and they are Exes.

Rhok'zan is worried about you with your relationship but definitely thinks you are good for Buck. Keeps an eye on you jussst in case she thinks he mistreats you.

[heal-the-ashes]

Random PL related facts about me I've been wanting to share but never have (and that changes today). It's only two facts, but maybe I'll have more to share eventually.

One: I've consistently spelled Don Paolo's name wrong. Even after I finished all 6 main games. Guys, it was only when I went on here when I realized, Oh god. His name is Don Paolo. Not Dan Paolo.

Two: I spent about 10 real life years thinking Randall was dead. Maybe more. I only played the games this year. A family member played MM when it came out. I was too young to understand puzzles. But. But when I watched them play. They were at the end of Akbadain. And I saw the whole cutscene. All I knew was I saw a boy fall and that boy Loved Puzzles.

I never forgot him. I kept wondering what happened to The Boy Who Loved Puzzles And Fell. Who Was Also Related To Masks.

Sometime when... idk, maybe around the same time/age, my family members watched Eternal Diva.

I saw it with them, because Oh! Funny Hat Man Who Speaks Weirdly Is On A Ship With My Favorite Blue Character Luke!

And there's—(gasp)—a guy with a mask!

I thought. Guys. For the entire like decade. I thought Randall and Descole were the same person. (This is where TEoA came from btw)

And I thought Randall's name was "Randy". (Remembered only like a year ago. Me wanting to find out what happened to "Randy" (and now being able to) made me play all the games.)

However, I'd like to add what I call "the cutscene that isn't there at all," which probably was a dream or my own made-up reason for "The Boy Who Lost Randy".

Hershel indeed had the mask. My childhood brain didn't understand why "Randy" didn't give The Other Boy the mask. So, in my childhood brain's version, he did. In fact, I think it was a whole imagined cutscene where The Other Boy, after Randy's hand slipped from his, tried again to reach for him. But what was in his grasp next was not the warm embrace of his friend's hand—It was the cold, lifeless mask that doomed his friend. And going back to "the surface" as I thought it to be, The Boy Who Survived went to inspect the mask. To use it. To figure out why it took Randy's life.

And it. Didn't. Work.

Whatever it was supposed to be used for, The Boy didn't know what it was. He didn't know why it didn't work. I knew it had some sort of power—It just refused to activate.

And The Boy was so unbelievably upset: He threw the mask, being within a green-themed office with other archeological artifacts. The mask hit other items, knocked them off shelves, broke some things.

The Boy Who Survived hated it.

He hated the mask—and everything he was doing. Because there was nothing he could do to save his friend. To get answers. To have peace.

The Other Boy may have walked away from it in my childhood brain's version.

But I never did.

But I also could never play it until now. Though, whenever my friends, years and years later, told me: "Let's do an escape room!" or whenever I saw a puzzle…

I thought of him.

I thought of The Boy Who Fell.

I was reminded about how passion can sometimes lead to success or victory. Or crumbling defeat. Or loss that was too great to even imagine at a whole, wider scale.

It was only the December of 2023 that I realized I could find out what happened to Randy.

I looked up, "Professor Layton and the Mask". Miracle Mask showed up. It had to be it.

I looked up, "Professor Layton and the Mask Randy".

Randall Ascot showed up.

And I.

Found.

Out.

The Boy Who Fell... never died.

The first thing I sought to do was watch Eternal Diva. It was the first thing I had available.

And then I found out that The Masked Man was NOT "Randy". I went so, so long believing that they were the same person.

That The Other Boy grew up, adopted a kid (im sorry i didnt know the lore but i thought luke was adopted by him), and decided to go on a cruise vacation. On said cruise vacation, an evil guy showed up and was making a bunch of people disappear and fall from inside the ship. He was evil. He was bad.

But The Other Boy Who Was Now A Man With An Adopted Kid cornered The Bad Guy With The Mask. In a room on the ship, btw. The Detragiganto didn't exist.

They were almost the only ones left. They were The Survivors of the Masked Man's Game.

The Eternal Diva—the woman that the movie was named after—flew in the room, because she was a ghost, and absolutely obliterated The Masked Guy Who Was Bad.

She revealed his identity.

She revealed that he was Randy.

The Man Who Didn't Remember Because He Fell.

And The Man Who Survived All The Way Back Then was so, so, so saddened. So betrayed.

I'm quite happy. I'm happy that I can think of puzzles without thinking about The Boy Who Fell and The Boy Who Survived.

That every battle of wits was no longer a battle of life.

Oh, it sounds dramatic, but don't pity me. It's so, so hilarious to me. LMAO

I'm glad I can finally share this.

[maskedteaser]

hii i just saw the rdr2 matchups you did and i love them AND HOLY SHIT APEX FAN‼️‼️ i love how detailed you are!! love your writing!! so if ur not too overwhelmed with requests id like to make one :3 and honestly if ur doing matchups for apex id love that too there's so little apex ffs, especially x reader </3 no pressure tho!!

anyways as for me. uhh. i don't use labels (aside from being asexual) but am pretty masculine in gender, and my love is for any gender. my pronouns are he/him :3

more about me,, im vegetarian, my favorite animal is the octopus, im chronically ill & disabled, which means i have chronic pain and have pretty bad sleep (literally writing this at 10 am after not being able to sleep all night) but despite that i have a weird paradox where i am kinda strong? like i can pick ppl up. but can't have much activity for a long time lest i cast spell 200 bpm on myself. but for the sake of the ff i could totally bench press arthur morgans 180lb of pure muscle. its true <3

in apex i main wattson and bloodhound! but i also like crypto, octane ofc (who doesn't), loba, and... im sorry.. wraith 😭 i got wattsons heirloom after. a very long time of opening packs AND I LOVE IT SO MUCH no regrets!! french girl with giant nessie plush!!!!! tho i haven't played in forever (and honestly may keep it that way with how much they're nerfing bloodhound.. like.. c'mon man.. not my main.. they've already been nerfed so much 😭)

i recently started playing rdr2 cause im visiting family that has it (theres actually been a lot of funny stories being on an unfamiliar console, like playing 22+ hours and reaching chap 2 without knowing how to save.. and i didnt know how to tell arthurs weight so i kept him underweight for so long my poor starving man </3) after playing rdr1 quite a bit. i also vibed with john hard in 1 but i lowkey thought he was an angsty young adult in rdr2 and not a FATHER. my favs are arthur and javier tho i can barely see the latter cause where tf is he on the map?? same with charles where IS HE??? but anyways i also vibe so hard with kieran.

tho i could talk forever about my interests, other than that for personality: id describe myself as actually kinda confident around strangers, i love to compliment ppl i come across. for friends, much of the same, i like using improv as humor if that makes sense, ive been told im easy to talk to, i consider myself intuitive (also contributed to me being a tarot reader i believe), but i am the type to have a veeerryy hard time expressing negative feelings im having, and never crying in front of people, so no shortage of bottling emotions. im also rather rigid on cleanliness and WILL start tweaking if me/my space goes too long w/o cleaning. i really, really care about people (i would want to be a paramedic!! if my body could allow it..) and i so want to make peoples lives better!! but also can rather easily stop people from walking over me, should they try. i care about kids a lot, and get very peeved when other ppl dont know how kids brains work and mistreat them because of such, and cause they just have no respect for children. honestly with thinking like.. about formulating matchmaking requests i never really seem to think about what id want out of a person. honestly, just when someone cares (wow, such high standards) but should the time come, mmmost times im not afraid to make a selfish ask. most. maybe. sometimes. and im very, very empathetic and it SUCKS i take psychic damage every time someone even remotely, even HYPOTHETICALLY feels bad. this is not a virtue.

for hobbies, i like to play video games as you may have guessed, i also like to read (non fiction, classic lit and danmeis especially), make art of all kinds but mainly physical sketches, and im always looking to add more shows/movies to my watched list.

i love to visit restaurants and cafes and interesting places surrounding food!!! my idea of a good time is eating with people, even if its in a crappy chuck e cheese. i love to try new foods (but it's a bit hard since becoming vegetarian), and i love matcha! i also love visiting just interesting places in general. why go to disney when you can see a beautiful spot in nature, or an art exhibit, or a park, or just the lively downtown? but other than that, i love my dedicated space 💗

i dont like rude people. mean people. people mean to kids and animals. bigots. assholes. any synonym for that. but honestly, not much else. there are other things that sure tick me off but can be pretty easily taken care of or compromised for.

i hope i didnt write a damn essay. half of it was geeking out over interests but. im guessing the brainrot is shared. but thank you so much for even reading my request this far!! (*˘︶˘*)

hii! sure thing! i love doing matchups especially when you guys give me lots of details :) let's get to it :) THIS IS NOT PROOFREAD!!! I'M REALLY SORRY FOR ANY MISTAKES!!!

okay, first things first - let me tell you why I didn't choose other characters :)

❝ im chronically ill & disabled, which means i have chronic pain and have pretty bad sleep ❞

Well, I need to be honest with you, I believe that despite your strenght, REVENANT would just make fun of your disability, he would NOT care at all, he'd probably pick on you and be REALLY rude. I hope it's not offensive (i'm sorry if i'm insensitive, it's not my intention), but I know he'd want to offend you. You could actually have a good hate-ship (if you know what i mean), where the only thing you guys do is fight with each other but I don't think that's what you want.

❝ im also rather rigid on cleanliness and WILL start tweaking if me/my space goes too long w/o cleaning. ❞

I'm sorry, have you seen OCTANE'S room? Let me remind you of that...

Can you see what is happening on his floor? This guy would probably drive you insane with how messy he is and I know he wouldn't care if you tried to ask him to clean it up... It would probably lead to many arguments and fights between you :(

❝and im very, very empathetic and it SUCKS i take psychic damage every time someone even remotely, even HYPOTHETICALLY feels bad. this is not a virtue. ❞

I have this feeling that Loba would see you as an easy target to manipulate, she'd think that she could use you after seeing that you feel really bad when someone feels bad, so she'd probably talk about her past a lot around you - trying to make you feel like you need to help her with everything. I doubt that it could work out :( I hope you see my vision and I'm not weirdly delusional with my ideas.

BUT NOW FOR A RESULT... (NGL I HAD A BIG PROBLEM WITH THIS ONE SINCE YOU SEEM TO BE A GOOD MATCH FOR AT LEAST 2 LEGENDS, BUT I DECIDED TO PICK...)

VANTAGE

I feel like you and Vantage could have a really good relationship! You both seem to aim high with your ideals and I just think that you both are really empathetic, a little bit emotional even... You share the love for animals. She has her Echo and she'd probably die for him. Vantage would never let any animal be mistreated when she's watching.

" why go to disney when you can see a beautiful spot in nature, or an art exhibit, or a park, or just the lively downtown? " - I think she thinks exactly the same! She seems to be a big fan of nature and she is an explorer. Born on a cold planet where everything wanted to kill her, she knows that nature can both be beautiful and deadly. She is also really nice, and I think that when she gets closer to someone, she actually CARES, like...A LOT. You'd probably be treated really well. I think that Vantage would be really patient when it comes to you and expressing your feelings, she'd never let you just walk away if she saw that you were upset, I think that communication and trust is a priority in every relationship.

She'd listen to you when you tell her that you have chronic pain and she'd do exactly the things you ask her to do, always trying her best to help you and she'd make sure you're not pushing yourself too hard.

Thank you for reading 👽👽👽

[bonesandthebees]

glass time! after my fun not so lil but pretty short camp!

he warm

the way you deacrube thisngs GOD MY SPELLING SUCKS describe things is so good like the oil line is like idk it tickles my brain

wilbur would be a bad pillow probably you would have to get a good spot probably

gasp we must tell philza minecraft and technoblade.

wilbur is so *eyeballs him aggressively and just waves my hands around*

also like the switch from pythia to wilbur the moment he recalled he didn’t have his blindfold on is like aiwjhrwj

im still super convinced that there is no curse like everything points to the fact that the curse is literally not a thing and more of a scare tactic to keep up the pythias image but yk im tired sleep has not been plentiful

wilbur when he realzies his eyes have emotion and he’s just a silly guy who isbnot just an object 😨

blindfold on back to pythia pew pew pew

tommy is such a silly guy like look at him go telling thsibstory and defending my favorite lil guy wilbur

just saying if death is kristins realm wilbur i think you’re cool as a cucumber king but yk maybe im just mad confused all the time

which is also me most times

do we know what kind of bird is in his chest like metaphorically like idk i keep wondering even though that isn’t important what so ever

“Wilbur didn’t want Tommy to leave, but the Pythia knew he had to face the consequences of his actions at some point” THIS LINE IS SO COOL BECAUSE IT SHOWS THE SEPARATION WILBUR HAS FOR HIMSELF BETWEEN WHO HE WAS AND WHO JE HAS BEEN MADE TO BE LIKE DIRECTLY AND THAT HE LITERALLY HAS THESE TWO SEPARATE PARTS OF HIM AND IDK I THOUGHT IT WAS A NEAT LINE

he is telling him about to the visidosngjeekjdejejrthehtheht im a normal person

and then here is me sitting here with my vague tired rboughts about howb the visions arent to prevent the future bexause goyncant really change what the gods destined to be your fateb(presumably) sorry for the spelling errors life is rough anyway but yeah like the visions are to help prepare and i think he gets visions only about stuff that will directly affect him so like that’s why now that he is in the temple he doesn’t get visions about the palace or the government because that won’t concern him at this moment not how it would before sorry im rambling my brain sometimes just has thoughts

HE CALLED TOMMY HAI EBST FRIEND

hes so i love him like he’s so tiny in my brain just a lil guy whom i wish to put in my pocket

and he’s wilbur when he talks about the things he knows aboutbtommy and just when they do things that show they know each other well that others might not know butbthebpythia at other times and he’s so silly

so that vine tattoo is deffo from wilburs murder attempt right or maybe not sometimes im delulu

hes wilbur again

glad i know what machination means thanks ap lang

WOOO GOVERNMENT TAKE DOWN WOOOOO

i love that he’s just wilbur when he realizes that people care or that he has feelings or when he’s just human because he is and like the more he feels human the more he feels like wilbur and okay no more rambling s

anyways this chapter was nice im glad i finally got to sit down and read it you just always find a way to draw me in with this work like oh my god it’s so rheifjsjejsjdjd okay now i can go read what everyone has been saying!

- 🪿

thank you!! I was so happy with the whole oil metaphor throughout the chapter

ngl handshaking wilbur there I've been told by people that I'm a terrible pillow because I'm so bony.

:) so many pythia to wilbur switches this chapter

😨 <- wilbur's face fr

...actually the kind of bird is important. the bird gets talked about a lot in the next upcoming chapter :)

YEAHHH I'm being very careful with midsentence wilbur/pythia switches because I don't want to overuse them, but in the moments I can I think they hit really well

oooo a theory I can't comment on bc I don't comment on theories ooooo

lol the vine tattoo will be explained eventually

wilbur is when he feels the most human yes!!

thank you i'm so glad you enjoyed!!!

[emmy-has-issues]

howdy. yet again back w a post. been too long.

got that bipolar 1 diagnosis a year ago, lost my job, got a new one after being unemployed for 7 months.

i'm medicated now (if i remember to take it) and i still struggle with an eating disorder. i've relaped actually. stress of this job making me wanna QUIT and just go into hiding. replacing meals with gum while at work to mask the hunger. its a major struggle.

i was good for a while. for a long while. i was told im at a healthy weight, but i fluctuate so much week to week it's so bad for me.

i'm 24. gotta think of my future. if i want kids (never really did until i met my man of almost 8 years) but im doubtful i can do it without medical intervention. we want kids in the next 4 years (earliest 4 years) and i'm terrified ive made myself infertile. major major risk. sometimes when i relapse i forget that risk. and the older i get. the less i can be an anorexic. ik ik that sounds sooooooo fucked up, but like, its in my genetics. my mother was a raging anorexic (she was anorexic pregnant w me because i made her so sick she could only eat watermelon)

i have so much i can hope for and look forward to in this next year, i'm seeing my best friend in marxh, my 8 year anniversary in marxh, im seeing my chem in september, taking a trip in july to a state ive never been. i'm going to the fucking eagles playoff game this sunday for fucks sake. and im comfused. so utterly comfused as to why im alive im this moment in time. i never saw myself living till 24 but here i am yanno. life works in weird ways.

if you asked me 8 years ago if id live to 24 id laugh in your face. but then i met sean. and we have had our ups amd downs. a lot of them. a rough pqtch in the middle, we are atill working through it. and that moment when it forst happened, took a lot from me mentally. i havent wven told my therapist the full extemt of it. i was on the verge of suicide for the forst time in years, and it hasnt been good since. i'm having nightmares still of all my failed attempts.

but im here. im suriving. and thats all i can do.

it does get better. and it can get worse. nothings linear. but i can stay alive longer for the unknowns ywt to come

sorry for spelling errors i have nails amd forget how to type and didnt wanna correct anything.

[1-talk-alot]

Alright imma be honest this might be one of the longest rants of mine ever and for bad reasons. Ive been putting off writing this because of the topic and also im not even sure how comfortable i am myself talking about and posting this entire thing but it’s literally on my mind 24/7. No one has to read this and also warning because im gonna be going into depth about eating disorders and body and a lotta that shit

Also im not proof reading this i literally never wanna see it again (and new phone means new autocorrect that doesnt know my common mistakes very well so its likely that theres a ton of spelling errors)

Why I say it’s going to be long for “bad” reasons, I mean the reason is that this fucking disorder has taken over my mind. Food is all I can think about, I constantly ask what’s for dinner so I can plan out what i can get away with not eating, ive lied about not liking certain foods so much that when someone offers me food it’s almost autopilot for me to go “im not hungry” or “sorry I don’t like ______.” I literally cant go on tumblr after I’ve eaten until I don’t feel full or else I’ll want to kms. What’s worse is that im 90% sure that the people I see daily are either aware or suspecting my ed, which makes eating in public feel like shit, but for some reason it also makes turning down food feel like shit? Its because I know saying “oh im not hungry” while others are eating sometimes makes the others feel like they shouldn’t be eating either, and I really really don’t want to be the reason anyone is forcing themselves to be miserable. I feel like an attention seeker whenever it’s clear that im the only one not eating and i hate it.

And also, when I say it’s “taken over my mind”, I don’t just mean that it’s all I can think about and manifest, I also mean its fucked with my ability to make proper decisions and take DEFINITELY made me a meaner person in my hate and oh my god I hate it so so so so so much. One thing I noticed like last year is how my whole life I just saw everyone as thinner than me, even if that wasn’t true?? I never saw other people for how they really looked, I genuinely just saw that I was fat and then saw everyone else as skinny even with people who werent (OBVIOUSLY not in a bad way please dont think im implying they were pretty before and werent after I promise I saw them as beautiful before AND after)

And it was only like last year that I realized I wasnt actually bigger than every single person I’ve ever met, and im being 100% genuine when I say I was surprised to find that out. Im not sure why, but I’ve unknowingly had body dysmorphia since I was a little kid. I think it’s gotten worse though, because I cant wear non-baggy clothing and look in a mirror without noticing anywhere on my body that has fat (specifically the arms. I hate my arms. The arms are the worst i cant wear tight sleeves or no sleeves anymore its just ahhewjsjajsjsk /vvvvvvvneg) and I’ve stopped wearing skirts / shorts recently because im too self conscience to wear them without tights and I dont like my thighs (not that I ever did, its just never been such an awful problem until now)

I dont know where this came from because there’s literally no proof and it’s all my imagination but it feels like no one would love me unconditionally unless i was thin. I sometimes wonder if people ever think im incredibly self absorbed with the way i look at my reflection in literally anything that has one when i walk by it, really i use this as a frequent and solid reminder not to eat if i can avoid it.

In general, the thought that I look big in literally anything I wear has gotten so much worse these past two weeks and idk what triggered it, especially my face shape. When I say I wish wearing masks (2020 reference) was normalized but not necessary I just mean I wish I had a good reason to cover my bottom half of my face. When I go on dog walks I wear scarves around my neck and I pull them up so it has the same effect but winter doesnt last forever and so I know I cant do that forever.

I think the whole calorie thing has 100% taken a toll on my energy, its hard to say if its also why im so cold all the time or if its just cold outside now that its winter, its definitely taken a toll on my memory which is why im even more scared of exams, and since im way more tired than i would be its also made me a lot more irritable which is why i wouldnt trust most of the rage driven posts i post on my other blogs.

Half related but learning about calories pretty much ruined my life. Mostly because theres so many in foods I used to eat all the time without knowing how quickly it adds up. Also because not knowing the amount of calories in something im eating is such a condescending feeling. When I say I wish I could recover, I dont mean I wish I could stuff my face without feeling guilty, I mean I wish I could eat normally in a normal way and feel normal about it. And not have to chew extra slow or drink water before meals so im too “full” to finish. Or not have to log everything I ate onto a calorie counter app of any time. Or not have to make my last mouthful really big, then get up to take my plate to the kitchen before I swallow it and spit it all out in the bin when I get there. Or not have to do that disgusting “chew and spit” method because im craving the taste of foods I miss. And not end up paranoid for no reason because what if the food I just ate had 1000 calories instead of 100 like google/my cal counter app said it did. And not avoid going out around lunchtime so I don’t have to eat out, or on the contrary, purposely go out around lunch time so I can say I already ate at home and no one can prove or disprove that. And not have Pinterest boards dedicated specifically to dresses Id wear if I actually lost that weight. But im not going to do that, probably not for a while now, because I feel Iike such a big waste of space above 50kg. I feel like no one will love me if im not pretty. I feel unwanted in public spaces if I don’t look good, even though 90% of the time im alone (dog walk) and 100% of the time no one really cares that much.

Idk this wasnt actually as long as I predicted earlier but I feel like I skimmed most of what I had to say because I felt like weird anyways. The point is I hate everything about my body and im not getting better until that statement no longer holds true

[yuugurenomi]

ramingabout how i hyperfixat :3 sorry that my spelling weird im dizzy :/

i have 2 different kinds of hyperfixations: a kindof shallow in betwwen 1 where im not not hyoerfixated but i just dont have anything else to huperfixate on right now so my brain latched into the first thing that someone showed me and itll go away when i find a stronger thing (like tmnt and torchwood) i still like those things after though!! someone at school gave me a tmnt pin when i was shallow-hyperfuxated on it and its still my favourite pin that i have!!! ^w^

and the strong obsessive kind of hyperfixation that ill have for YEARS or maybe my whole life (DRAGONS)!! like hetalia and genshin impact!!

but also i cant focus on more then 1 big thing at the same time and i dont have a main hyperfixation or side hyperfixations and yhere all kinda blended into each other its kinda like layers of sand the top layer is the most seeable and the bortom layer is hidden and sometimes the layers shift around witch looks like my hyperfixations changed all of the sudden after like a week to other people even though its the same its just that the angle changed!! :3

so right now genshin is the "top layer" hyperfixation if you only talk to me in real life or texting ne then genshin will probably look like the only hyperfixation that i have but its actually just the 1 that i can interact with the most and it has the most stuff that i have anything to say about!!!

hetalia is the second layer!! its a little bit hidden but its still there like the cold sand under the warm sand at the beach!!! i dont have as much to say about it but if you only know me from tumblr then it looks like my only/main hyperfixation!!!

and the third layer is dragons and radqueer stuff and water (specializing??? in the ocean!!!!!) idk what order though becuz people always seem suprised by them even though im not hiding them id just rather turn them around in my head like a cool rock and tell people random facts then give a speech!!! :3

(that i know of im SO BAD at realizing that im hyperfixating scvsbhxbs)

[faeryarchives]

Hey! I just found your blog, I really like your writings, could I please request a Diluc reader with Heartslabyu (hope in spelled that right)

omg im glad you like it >< hehe i hope u enjoy this too !! ngl i had a hard time imagining ace's part 😭 i got taken away while writing so it end up getting long im so sorry

heartslabyul with a diluc like gender neutral reader!

the tycoon of a winery empire in your previous world, unmatched in every possible way, despite coming off as bitter and grumpy through your speech, underneath it all was a gentle, tender, and modest person.

: ̗̀➛ riddle rosehearts

when you got transported into this magical land - riddle could only look at you with utter shock seeing you wielding a large blade 😦 were you not informed that weapons are not allowed here?

how outrageous🤬 ! first not accepting to be enrolled to the prestigious college but also almost destroying the mirror chamber!

"what do you think are you doing?! stop this nonsense this instance!"

"... you are not with the abyss order?"

"what abyss order? you are currently in night raven college!"

"oh."

it's not your fault crowley looks similar to those abyss lectors🙄

once the heartslabyul dorm leader got to know you more, he realize you weren't so bad after all.

despite of your grumpy attitude towards his dorm members and grim - riddle could see the faint smile on your face when you help ace in brewing your drinks for your afternoon break.

"does it go like this?"

"pour the frizzy water first before the mint juice."

"it taste funky!"

"it's because you put salt instead of sugar."

he was also fond of your eagle! so you sometimes bring it whenever riddle invites you to their unbirthday party.

after learning about your past, riddle know realize that you two can relate to each other somehow. both parents focusing more on improving their images or jobs that they didn't realize how much their child were suffering.

if you ever notice the boy overworking himself, you would always bring him some tart and tea while making him take a break at least for a moment.

"you know overworking yourself would just leave you uncertain what to do next when you are finish with all of that."

"(name) don't worry i'm fine."

"no you are not. come on, take a break. why don't we play chess for a change of pace?"

you became someone he really look up to - well both in terms of height and admiration, and feel like you were the older sibling he never had.

: ̗̀➛ trey clover

safe to say, you two really get along well! taking care of their friends to make sure they are out of trouble and cleaning up their mess? you and trey are practically the older siblings of the heartslabyul dorm!

probably the first person in twisted wonderland who you confided him with your problems even about your past and trey doesn't really mind at all and is even glad that you trust him 🥰

he also tells you about his worries about his dorm mates sometimes in which you help him by assisting him during unbirthday parties

sometimes trey teases you about that time he caught you sneaking into their dorm to secretly help reduce riddle's work load and check the adeuce duo's assignment whether they have the correct answers or not.

well sometimes they didn't even answer the assignment causing you to facepalm really hard

"ok i've done this part ... those ignorant fools i told them the assignment is due tomorrow and yet they did nothing."

"(name) what are you doing here?"

"..."

"..."

"you didn't see me. i am not here at all."

he really like how you won't think twice going in front to protect your friends from danger with your blade and pyro vision.

trey was thankful as you didn't hesitate to pull him back from reality during riddle's overblot when he started blaming himself that he didn't do his part as the dorm leader's childhood friend well.

"what is done is in the past. you can't change it no matter how hard you think it over - all we can do now is focus on the present and save him before he falls even deeper into the abyss."

long story short, the vice dorm leader loves your company and would invite you over to their dorm to hang out and play chess.

: ̗̀➛ cater diamond

the first time you met cater, you can bet that he took a selfie with you and post it in his magicam with the #newstudenthere #luckycaycay #theylooksopretty

you made it your mission to avoid him because he somewhat reminds you of a certain bard in you previous world.

what caused you to change your thoughts about the third year when you saw him one time looking troubled and it turns out it was because of his complicated relationship with his older sisters.

"i love them really but sometimes it was just too much ... sorry for seeing me like this."

"mmm not at all, i actually have this brother of mine. we really don't get along so i can relate to you somehow."

"really? you didn't seem the type to dote on people."

"i am not but he is always bringing me some gifts occasionally."

just like how cater always go to the cafe with his friends despite not liking sweets he was amused when he learn that you have a winery but hate wine with passion. how ironic isn't it?

somehow cater became your source of information in nrc, he couldn't just leave his cute underclassman alone right?

even though cater would say in a playful way that he like your company - trust me he is telling the truth. because when he hang out with you and trey he could feel like he could be himself.

: ̗̀➛ deuce spade

ok the thing is deuce is kinda intimidated by the air around you. with your grumpy look and aloof response whenever ace you some questions, he thought you would snap at him anytime.

but slowly he realize that you were not that scary at all! even though you scold him, ace and grim - the first year know that you really care.

one time you were wearing your mask and hoodie, helping out students getting picked on by some upperclassmen and unfortunately deuce was one of the student being picked on.

and of course you would help him out by using your claymore to scare them away! deuce was awed by your moves and before he could give his thanks, you were already gone.

"you guys would never believe what happen last night! someone helped me from getting bullied last night, their fighting style is really cool!"

"mm uhuh who was that someone?"

"i never got to say my thanks but they were already gone by the time i realize it."

"oh i am sure they know you were grateful right (name)?" then you could see ace giving you a smug smile while you just rolled your eyes and continue eating your food.

"mm sure."

whenever he feels bad with his academic activities, you were there to help him especially with history and alchemy because for some reason you are really good in those subjects!

during the overblot when you were protecting them from being injured, he couldn't help but realize your fighting style looks veeeery familiar.

"hey (name), where did you learn to fight like that?"

"huh? i learned from my father back then. why did you ask?"

"it just looks familiar to me..."

"of course it does, (name) was the someone that saved you back then."

"ace shut it."

"what?! that was you?!"

needless to say, deuce somehow became your apprentice along with epel who saw you train deuce one day. you didn't really want to take any trainee under you but seeing how spirited he is - you couldn't help but agree.

but take it easy on him during training he is still learning how to throw his cauldron ><

: ̗̀➛ ace trappola

you despite him.

the end

just kidding, ace just resemble so much like your brother so sometimes the two of you would have mini fights with each other even during serious fights.

"are you even aiming properly? so inefficient"

"you keep burning the target with your pyro power thingy! what if you tone it down you dumbhead!"

as funny it is to imagine - he is your first friend beside grim in this world and you don't want to admit it but ace really helped you adjust here by giving you an overview about the great seven which remind you of the seven archons in your world.

and he asked you to teach him how to use your pyro vision but the moment he put it on him and tried on executing your moves put he just looked like an idiot.

"what are you doing dumbace you look like an idiot"

"shut it grim! (name), you tricked me!"

"well i never said my vision could be use by other people so basically you are an idiot."

he became somehow your friendly translator to the students who wants to be friends with you. like when ruggie came up to you noticing that you didn't really like the donuts that was given to you.

"hey hey can i have the donuts if you don't want them?"

"... *glares*"

"geez if you don't want to share you could just say so."

"(name) is not that good with words or facial expression but you can get the donuts."

"...how did you get that from just the facial expre- you know what thanks a bunch shihihi!"

you two are like the sun and moon best friend troupe, completely opposite with one another but still have each others back

yay its done hihi btw for those who are playing genshin- who is the first character you main? mine was razor then diluc (´• ω •`)