#and im gonna be the bitch that's slower and less fit than everyone else
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why did i decide to take a job at an extremely active and sport-focused camp this summer.
#well on the bright side i got my legal name changed to phoenix on the staff portal#but training starts tomorrow#and im gonna be the bitch that's slower and less fit than everyone else#like i genuinely do not see a scenario where that doesn't happen#i'm either gonna have to push my body beyond what its capable of doing comfortably#or ask for breaks#i hate the society we live in#where i internalized that asking for breaks is weak and embarassing#but to answer my own question. it's because the pay is so much better than the other camp jobs i was applying to lmaooo#i mean i'm sure i'll get more fit as the summer goes on#but being behind everyone else in the beginning is gonna be so stressful#i tried so hard to exercise more this month. but i don't think i did it more than 3 times a week#which i don't think was enough#but hopefully it will be something#i also hate the sun and bugs.#WHY AM I DOING THIS KASJHDAKSHD#i don't even know if i like working with kids :''')#i hate new situations where i have no idea what to expect#i did as much research as i could but the autism can't handle the things i can't know or prepare for#idk what i need rn. everyone's who's told me that its gonna be fun or a good time or whatever has not helped#and anyone who's validated me and said that it sounds stressful hasn't helped either#so i will take your likes on this post as a little kiss on the cheek <3#that's all i need#phoenix talks
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