#and ill im managing is dissociative scrolling :/

[the-yearning-astronaut]

Well. I feel like shit... just as I expected I would after the work shift I had yesterday. I hurt, I'm exhausted, I have a headache that I think may shift into a migraine soon, I'm nauseous, dizzy, and severely congested.

I'd like oblivion now pls.

[ilovebl0od]

diary entry — 28/10/2024.

im mentally exhausted, today was rough, ive been feeling physically ill due to my emotions; my throat is weird, my head hurts, i have no strenght at all. i managed to cry, at least, finally, after a while... but now im dead again.

im scared. october is almost gone, i still have no job, i have done nothing this year, again. i need money to pay my debts and get out of this place again, live a normal life.

as the days go by i feel the pressure on my back. time keeps passing and leaving me behind, i cant walk fast, i cant run. i have all these problems and i cant even begin to fix them. i need therapy, asap, the really bad thoughts and urges are coming back. i feel like the meds arent working properly, why do i feel all this? my mind is foggy, i cant stop dissociating, what are these antipsychotics for? sure, paranoia sucks, but i want to be present, cant they do that for me?

i think i smoke too much weed this week, its probably making it worse somehow.

im tired, i need to stop telling people things, i always get this weird feeling that i said too much, hopefully this vent account will help me expose my thoughts privately (if that even makes sense).

im hungry, ive been hungry all the time. i smoke and drink coke and smoke and drink water and scroll through twitter and smoke another cigarette and that is all i do all day and night. really boring.

i want something, i dont know what it is, i have a guess it might be love, but it feels wrong to need romance. i dont have much to say, thats a subject of its own and im too lazy to write about it now, im going insane. bye.

[animefighter1717]

i was scrolling through your fandom problems tag trying to find a specific post but as someone who is an anti, can i elaborate on the point of fiction affects reality?

take me for instance, i was sexually abused online as a child by a lot of different people. a few of those people used content proshippers endorse to show me what they were doing was okay. im not saying this is the fault of the person who made the content, its absolutely my abusers fault, but it existing and being treated as a normal thing was definitely part of why i normalised that abuse for so long.

also, certain mental illnesses can make it incredibly hard to tell fiction from reality. dissociative disorders, maladaptive daydreaming, psychosis, all of these could affect someones grip on reality enough for fiction to affect it in very tangible ways.

i notice you use proship to focus more on physically and mentally abusive ships are okay and not incestuous or paedophilic but some other proshippers I've seen use it to justify that.

i want to end this by saying i don't mean any of this as an attack, i don't immediately hate you because you're proship, i just wanted to say this to get it off my chest.

- row

First and foremost I want to say that I'm sorry for what you went through and I hope you're getting all the appropriate help needed for you to heal.

Can fiction affect real life? Maybe. Should it? Of course not and most of the time I doesn't unless people allow it. playing ace attorney doesn't turn you into a lawyer, watching a slasher movie won't turn you into a serial killer and reading a smutty fanfics sure as heck won't turn you into an online predator!

As far as the whole mental illnesses making it difficult to tell reality from fiction, that's why there are resources to make that and the mental illness in general more manageable such as therapy , support groups and meds. (Yes I know they are stupid expensive especially in the U.S but that's a whole other discussion for another time) and if they're illness is truly so severe that the real ans fiction lines are near nonexistent, I don't think being on social media, especially this hellsite is healthy for them. I'm serious this place(and Twitter) will harm anyone's mental health far more than help!

The fact that you just assumed that 1. I'm a proshipper and 2. That I think that abusive ships are okay just ain't right. Don't make assumptions about people you don't know.

Obviously NONE of the above are or will ever be okay, I'm just not going to go out of my way to bully people for what they ship or don't ship like what I see almost all antis and quite a lot of proshippers do.

Truth is that I don't care much about shipping in general anymore I just believe that as long as people aren't being assholes or actively hurting others they should just be left to their own devices, not harassed,gaslit, bullied, or suicide baited; things I've seen almost every anti do hence why I have so much disdain towards most of them.