#and if you've ever heard me rant about christmas eve boxes you know that's a high bar

[mangled-by-disuse]

i just have to rant about the elf on a shelf for a sec

(why? i've never had one, i don't have kids and if i did that wee smug snitching fucker would still not feature in my life. AND YET so many of my parent friends are stressed out of their minds over the damn thing)

but like. I know the obvious (and correct) take is that the elf on the shelf is horrifying because it primes small children to accept constant surveillance as not only normal but positively benign, and the elf on the shelf is a fucking grass.

but I think there are more practical, sometimes more pernicious ways that it affects all aspects of the Christmas season, to whit:

Adding stress. like for fucking real do parents of small children not have enough to do in december must we also make it a social norm to move a doll into interesting places and keep it out of reach of pets and whatever the fuck else.

Making Santa less magical. like ok back in my day Santa did not need to send spies. Santa just knows shit. Santa does not require practical explanations. Santa is a jolly old elf who is slightly less omniscient than Jesus but only because he's seasonal. How does Santa know if you've been naughty or nice if the elves don't tell him? because he's fucking SANTA CLAUS that's it that's the whole reason. stop bringing your empiricism and logic into my childhood whimsy. Also, relatedly:

Giving children a loophole. The elf on a shelf is how Santa knows whether to bring you presents, yes? the elf on a shelf spies on children to feed back to Santa on whether they have been naughty or nice? Q.E.D. if I am sure that the elf is NOT in eyeline, I can be as naughty as I want and Santa will never know. is what I would absolutely have concluded as a child, thereby spoiling any positive behavioural effects of Santa mythos. or i would have attempted to bribe the elf. or... make him go away.

Preparing children for a lifetime of performance evaluations (derogatory). because I want to be clear that I do in fact have a problem with the underlying concept of "he knows if you've been bad or good" in the first place. shut up. another way in which santa is like jesus is that he doesn't actually need to care if you were Good. in my humble opinion Santa Claus doesn't give a fuck about your behaviour he just likes to give presents to children as many lonely old people do. (also binaries of good and bad are pretty harmful actually imo, where is the boundary for "naughty" and does it perhaps undermine the behavioural guidance if you are consistently told that Santa's love is conditional BUT that you have never once failed to pass the conditions? anyway we're getting off the topic at hand.)

Adding yet more plastic tat to the "necessary Christmas traditions" box. yes yes i am decades behind the times in complaining about the commercialisation of christmas. but i am also passionately frustrated by it. ooh we must have chocolate advent calendars (plastic trays)! we must have an elf on the shelf! we must go to a christmas market and buy more tat! let's have a christmas eve box and a (plastic) ugly christmas jumper and fucking. christmas earrings we'll wear one day a year and then lose. more! more christmas tat!!! MORE, I SAY!!!

Why he look like that?

it's such a punchable face. and yet, too small to punch. i see your unseemly enjoyment of your espionage, you perverted wee fucker. you delight in the suffering of overworked parents and overseen children alike. you disgust me.

anyway fuck elf on a shelf end broadcast

[paradise-creator]

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(｡･ω･｡)つ━☆・*。

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 しーＪ　　°。+ *´¨)

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Pandora's box

Final part for @liliannyah

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                         Contents

                  │➥ Match up

                  │➥ Mood board

                  │➥ Sun drops

                  │➥ Journal of feelings

                  │➥  Melodies of the heart

                  │➥  Asahi's girl

                  │➥ Mittensb

                  │➥ ❥ The Princess and the knight

                  ╰──────────

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

I'd match you up with

Asahi Azumane, Karasuno's Ace

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Sundrops

- OKAY OKAY HEAR ME OUT

- This is a SOFT couple

- I thought for a while whether to pair you with Daichi, Sugawara, and Asahi

- Then I realized that Asahi might be a better pick

- He is such a big softie and a teddy bear.

- And it would be so C U T E

- He is insecure himself, so he KNOWS if you are ever are

- This man will love you so much its too sweet

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Journal of feelings

- He always leave notes on your locker

Lia opened her locker to find a small hand written note. It said:

"Hey princess! You look really beautiful and remember to take care of yourself! Love, Azumane"

- He makes it his personal to make you smile at least once a day

Asahi looked around and saw that Lia wasn't around. So he placed a small box on her table and left. He just knew that's going to make her smile. It was the necklace she always wanted

- At some point he got a part time just so he can get you stuff

As Asahi and Lia were on a date, Asahi felt a new sense of pride. The money they were using were from his own hard work. Now he knew why boyfriends like to spoil their lovers.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Melodies of the hearts

I do adore by Mindy Gledhill

His favorite line is "Everything you do, it sends me, higher than the moon," and "With every twinkle in your eye, you strike a match that lights my heart on fire,"

He found this song on accident when he was shopping for a birthday present for you. And ever since he heard it, he has been listening to it everyday. To him, this song is just so cute to pass up. And it also reminds him that no matter how different you two might be, he would adore and love you.

Baka by Alekun

His favorite line is "I'll send you my most treasured words"

He stumbled upon this song while he was wallowing. You two had just made up from a fight and this song just popped in the radio. And as he continued to listen, he liked it. Not because of it's sad memory, but because of the the fact that no matter what you two will be together in the end anyway.

My boo by Touyama Mirei

His favorite line is "Making memories together"

Sugawara played this song when Asahi confessed to you. Asahi asked Sugawara to find a song that is wholesome and thankfully, My boo was the silver haired man's choice.

Gurenge by LiSA

His favorite line is "Finally you've given me a reason to we strong" and "We will stand, hand in hand, till the end,"

You and him were having an anime marathon and one of the anime you have watched was Demon Slayer. And he fell in love with this song.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Asahi’s Girl

(I hope you don’t mind me adding self-ships as well-)

Lia, Asahi’s princess, was a wonderful girl. Everybody in the volleyball team and her friend group knows that. But today was different, her friend group decided to go on a girls day. So, Eve, Roze, Lia, and Amorette were having fun in the mall. Their boyfriend tagged along as well, having an unplanned boys hang out. And they then suddenly had a topic of their girlfriends.

“How’s your girlfriend? You said you had an argument last time. You good?” Sugawara asked Iwaizumi. “Yeah, we good now. I heard that your ace finally had the guts to confess to his girl recently,” Iwaizumi asked as he looked at Karasuno’s ace. “Congratulations,” Akaashi said briefly as he continued reading. “Oh thank you, Akaashi. But yes, I recently became an Item with my girl,” Asahi then said as he looked away shyly. “I’m not one to pry details. But I am a bit curious of your relationship,” Akaashi then said. “C’mon Asahi~ Rant or talk about your ‘princess’ while you are here,” Sugawara then teased. “Maybe give us some juicy details of what happened in the J-“ He was supposed to add but was then cut off. “Suga!” The shy ace then as he gazed at where their girls are.  He burned red and he was trying to cover his face from their girls nearby.

Unfortunately for Asahi, the girls had heard his cry.  “Love! Don’t tease Asahi too much. You are going give him a heart attack,” Amorette then said as she heard the plea of Asahi. “No worries Sugar! I won’t tease him that hard,” Sugawara responded. “We will leave your sorry asses for each other now. See ya later!” Eve then said as she dragged Amorette. Amorette then manage to get Roze in the drag team as well. Before Lia was dragged with the others, she had something to do. “Make sure to take care, okay?” She said as she kissed Asahi’s cheek. “Yeah, take care as well, princess,” Asahi then said as he kissed her forehead. Then the shorter female went to save the sanity of her other friends. “Princess, huh?” Iwaizumi then said with a knowing look with Sugawara. Which gave the poor Ace another red flustered face.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Mittens

(Inspired by the Christmas event)

Asahi always leaves his mittens on purpose. Ever since he started dating Lia, he just kept forgetting them. And not that he ever worried about it either, he loves holding her hand in his pockets. No matter how cold the winter is, he just always leaves them. “You are doing this on purpose, aren’t you?” Lia then said as she looked at him. “Yes! But I just wanna hold your warm hands inside my pocket,” Asahi then confessed as his face heated up. Lia looked at the flustered make and poked his cheeks. “We can do that even with your mittens on,” She then said as she held his hand. Asahi then chuckled and place their hands in his pocket. “But it’s so much better like this,” Asahi then said as he kissed her forehead. “But I’ll promise to bring them. Just so you won’t get worried,” He then said as he pulled her close. “You better or I’ll unleash a Sugawara on you,” She then threatened. “Anything but that,” Asahi then said with genuine fear. And with that, the two just laugh it off. They then continued their winter wonderland date. Well, after they get Asahi his pair of mittens.

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Author's note

I'll be editing this later. I'mma add the other parts to the table of content. But I hope you enjoy the Pandora's box! This took so long to make but dang I love it