#and if you go back and look a lot of knives' unhealthy mindsets are as a result of all of this

[yellowocaballero]

this entire chapter was a joy to read but I gotta say I 100% understand knives’ fear of brad—the opening scene was one of the most strangely fear inducing things I’ve ever read. kudos and 10/10 for making me feel nauseous over what turns out to be a very funny scene of knives getting murder-grounded

Love this ask. Love asks about experiences that surprise me a lot, in a good way - part of me is always like 'write a dialectical essay on why you think so???' and the other part is 'the picture and vibes you've painted is incredibly funny and I love it'. Thank you for the ask anyway. Get to talk about Brad and Luida FINALLY.

I'm deciding that this is a victory, because it gave you a great insight into exactly how Knives felt LMFAOOO. He has spent literally this entire story acting superior, holier-than-thou, won't shut up about how he's physiologically and mentally leagues ahead of you puny humans, you're so lame and pathetic and Millions "Genius Cool Guy Surgeon" Knives is soooo much better than you. And then the minute he goes home and sees his foster parents he is suddenly the goodest little boy who you would both introduce to your parents and give a doggy treat. They are two geriatric astronauts and Millions Knives is pants-shittingly terrified of them.

I was legitimately a bit worried that I wrote Brad as too harsh in the flashback scene, or uncomfortable-in-a-bad-way in the beginning scene. I was really careful with both. How Brad and Luida raised Knives is absolutely not a great method of parenting, lmfao. But they weren't really raising a child - they were taming a tiger. I think you can safely assume that Knives was not given a single inch his entire adolescence. He didn't get away with shit. That's how behavioral conditioning works. I really can't stress enough that, although Knives is a pretty good guy in the present, he is still the literal actual Millions Knives. And what 14yo Knives here got up to wasn't all that different from what canonical 14yo Knives was getting up to. The difference is Brad and Luida - and they knew exactly what they were trying to prevent. They knew they couldn't fuck up. They knew what would happen if Knives didn't change. It must have been a lot of pressure.

The sheer balls on the guy who walks up to Millions Knives and just goes, "Okay, asshole. Kill me. Do it.". So insane that it gaslights Knives into believing that Brad and Luida are the only superior lifeforms to himself.

But at the end of the day, what that scene still conveys is - it's a farce. Their family is a social contract: Brad and Luida will give Knives what he wants (a meaning to his life, and on a deeper level he won't acknowledge, a family), and in return Knives politely pretends that they are remotely capable of controlling him. A handcuff is an insanely restrictive method of grounding somebody - and obviously Knives could have gotten outb of it any time. But Knives lets them do it, because if he doesn't then it would break the keyfabe, the farce. And that would destroy Knives' only path towards becoming a good person. Because Brad and Luida told him that they are the only path towards becoming a good person. And if you aren't a good person you have no reason to exist btw. Also we don't love you anymore.

Kinda fucked up if Knives was, like, a regular child? Yes. Only sensible thing to do if the child was Millions Knives? Yes. It's complicated but that's why I really love it. Also for the insane funniness of Knives experiencing fear.

TL;DR Handcuffing your child to its bed is only okay if the child has bad vibes and is unfun to be around.

[your-punk-mom]

Vash needs therapy Pt. 1

(FYI: My view on therapy is that everyone can benefit from professional support, at least at times. But some people *need it urgently, right now, and maybe long term*. It’s a tool, don’t judge.)

So here’s my personal rule: DON’T DIAGNOSE PEOPLE OVER THE INTERNET. It’s unethical, and even if I were qualified (I am not) it would still be wrong.

But Vash is fictional, so that’s ok. :)

I said previously that psychological character analysis tries to explain how a character’s actions flow naturally from their past, relationships, and assumptions.

Today, we’re going to mostly look at actions. And Vash’s actions say he’s got a Savior Complex.

Savior Complex (SC) isn’t a diagnosis of mental illness. It’s not even in any version of the DSM. It’s more like a state of mind, stemming from toxic beliefs and reflected in toxic behaviors. Anybody can develop this mindset, with or without an accompanying mental illness.

Thanks to not being a “disorder”, SC is not a big subject for serious academics, but practicing therapists write about it a lot, so my citations are a little bit informal.

My favorite version of a definition of SC is from Grouport:

The savior complex is a psychological construct that describes a person's need or compulsion to save others, often neglecting their own needs in the process. It's a behavior pattern often rooted in empathy, but when left unchecked, it can lead to unhealthy dynamics in relationships and personal distress.

Individuals with a savior complex often believe that their worth is tied to their ability to help others. This belief can stem from societal expectations that value selflessness and altruism, sometimes to the point of self-sacrifice.

Doing good deeds is not a bad thing by itself; it even has health benefits for both helper and helped. But taken to extremes, it becomes a problem. People with SC often damage themselves and others in the name of saving someone, even the target of their help.

WebMD has a pretty thorough list of behaviors and beliefs that can indicate a SC. Let's match some of what we observe in Vash's actions and words to these indicators.

Does helping or saving others:

✅Put you in danger physically if you try to save someone in a dangerous situation

Agreeing to duel the Officer Chuck Lee in Jeneora Rock; jumping back inside the worm to rescue the reporters; getting in the middle of Wolfwood and Livio's firefight; walking right into Knives' trap; taking a bullet for literally anyone.

✅Affect your mental state, especially if you aren’t able to save the other person

After Rosa kicks him out of Jeneora Rock, Vash tells Meryl he is smiling because "I don't deserve to cry"; refusing to talk after Jeneora Rock; refusing to eat for two days after Jeneora Rock, refusing to eat for weeks after the Big Fall (especially significant since he only eats for the joy of it); stating that that he “failed” to protect Rem, and so he *has* to save LITERALLY EVERYONE; after the Big Fall, lying about Nai's survival to Luida and Brad.

✅Cause you to neglect your own physical needs, which could lead to illness

Refusing to eat for two days after Jeneora Rock; refusing to eat for weeks after the Big Fall; Letting that one officer in JuLai shoot him over Jeneora Rock, when Vash easily could have dodged; letting the JuLai military police beat him up until he was bleeding, in Jeneora Rock.

❌Lead you to get burned out

Not Vash, but only because he's not human.

✅Affect your personal relationships

In Rosa's first appearance, she says Vash rescued the town before, and that any friend of his is welcome in her diner. But after the Nebraskas, EG the Mine, and Knives wreck the town and Knives steals the Plant, Jeneora Rock has no power or water, and they have an enormous quantity of injured and dead people. Rosa blames Vash and kicks him out.

Wolfwood and Vash continually fight because Vash wants Wolfwood to adopt nonviolence, while Wolfwood finds that totally impractical. This creates conflict when Wolfwood kills the giant worm, then again when he shoots Rollo as a mercy, and again when Livio turns up on the steamer. Vash wants Wolfwood to change, even against his own will.

And then there's Knives. //sigh//

Effin Knives... Let's just put a quote here from VeryWellMind:

They also can have problems in their relationships with family and friends, and frequently find themselves being taken advantage of by others. People close to a person with a savior complex just assume that person will take care of them, without any regard to their needs. It can lead to a toxic, one-sided relationship, where your boundaries and feelings are not respected.

🤷‍♀️Negatively affect the person or people you’re trying to help

This is less clear-cut, because lots of people blame Vash for events that others are acually responsible for (chiefly Knives). We could argue that his previous failures lead to people not trusting his intentions, and acting against his saving them... Or we could just talk about Rollo. Vash essentially failed Rollo twice, when he didn't return in time to prevent him being made a child sacrifice, and again 20 years later when Wolfwood shot him as a mercy killing. Vash was angry, but Wolfwood pointed out forcing Rollo to continue living in pain and misery was cruel, and Vash was not able to cure the monstrous changes done to Rollo. Wolfwood feels the killing was actually compassionate, but Vash insists he could have found a solution without killing.

If we call that one a half-point, giving us a 4.5 out of 6 behaviors. Again, SC is not an illness, this is not at all diagnostic, but it's enough to suggest talking to a therapist would be helpful.

There's other self-assesment lists and articles out there, and some lump Hero Complex into the same broad definition as Savior. I had accidentally confused SC with Martyr Complex in an earlier post. The difference really seems be that both people with a Hero or Martyr complex need acclaim or praise for the good deeds they do, but Vash doesn't care about rewards or recognition at all. Rosa said he fixed the plant before for free, and other than food or drink, we never see him ask for payment or even trade in exchange for helping anyone in Trigun Stampede.

---

Please tell me what you think of Part 1. Part 2 will cover the psychology of Vash regarding how his past relates to his beliefs, and if we have time, we can try to get into what that does to his relationships.

[seijorhi]

Suga treating his s/o like they’re fragile, almost like a doll. He babies them because he’s afraid of them getting hurt which resulted in him kidnapping them for fear of their safety. S/o can handle themselves but Suga has this delusional mindset that they need him.

It’s a little late for my bby’s birthday, but better late than never! Have I mentioned that I love Suga a whole damn lot? Thanks for the request!

Sugawara Koushi x Female Reader

TW Unhealthy relationships, minor injuries, implied kidnapping, manipulation

Safe

“You just can’t seem to help yourself, can you?” he sighs, shaking his head.

Your cheeks burn, whether from shame or anger or a potent, volatile mixture of both you don’t really know anymore. It’s such a small, stupid thing - a cut, a few drops of blood and a ruined batch of cookie dough - hardly the end of the world.

But Suga’s looking up at you from his knees, holding your injured hand in his hand and fretting like you’ve managed to cut off a finger despite the fact that it stopped bleeding well over ten minutes ago.

“I’m fine,” you grit out, trying in vain to pry your arm back. Leave me alone.

Beneath long, dark lashes, Suga’s eyes narrow just a fraction, the corners of his lips tugging downwards. He sighs again, pulling your now bandaged hand up to his lips and kissing the back of your palm so tenderly, as if he’s afraid you might shatter under his touch.

Not that it’s ever stopped him before. 

“Why do you keep doing this to yourself, hm?” he asks with a pout, letting you finally pull your hand back as he rises to stand. You barely have time to draw in a breath before he’s swallowed you in his arms once again, tucking your head under his chin and slowly stroking your back in a mockery of comfort. “I told you that the kitchen’s too dangerous for you, kitten. You know it’s not safe in there.”

Safe. 

The word leaves a bitter taste in your mouth. 

He’s always been like this, right from the very first day you met him. Back then it had been sweet, endearing almost. It was a running joke between you and your friends - mother hen Sugawara, your first and most ardent protector.

You don’t feel like laughing now. 

Nothing is safe anymore, not the kitchen with its knives and risk of burns, nor the garage with the ancient steps and spiders. You can’t use the damn microwave, much less actually bake something, you can’t run or dance by yourself and you definitely can’t be trusted to dress yourself or shower alone. Going outside was absolutely forbidden, unless you’d been a particularly good girl for him. It was hard to enjoy even that, what with his stifling presence looming over you like a shadow.

One by one your freedoms were stripped away from you, and each time Suga would hug you tight and whisper that it was only because he loved you and just couldn’t bear the thought of you getting hurt. 

It’s suffocating on a good day.

He kisses the crown of your head and you can hear the steady thumping of his heart as he cradles you to his chest. “Why were you even trying to mess around in there in the first place? It’s like you’re trying to give me a heart attack.”

It’s hard not to feel like a petulant child when he uses that tone, it makes you shake, your hands curling into fists at your side. 

He was supposed to be at training for another few hours, you’d been so desperate just to do something familiar, something you loved from before Koushi stole you away from the world and tried to wrap you up in cotton wool. You would have managed just fine too, you weren’t an idiot, you knew how to safely handle a knife (even the blunt butter knives you’d had to make do with) but he’d come home early and scared the hell out of you. The blade had slipped from the chocolate you were chopping up and nicked your finger.

It was his stupid fault in the first place!

“Sometimes I don’t know why I leave you alone at all,” he murmurs quietly, oblivious to the anger and frustration rising like mercury in your veins. “You’re just so helpless and fragile, y’know? I really worry about you.”

It’s too much - the heat of him wrapped around you, his scent, citrus and pepper and something fresh, cloying, toxic and inescapable, the lingering touches and the patronising tone. How dare he act like you were some kind of defenceless little doll that constantly needed his help?! You just wanted some fucking peace and autonomy, and he has to go and ruin it like he’s ruined everything else.

You want to scream, to kick and fight and yell and run, but by the time the sound escapes your throat it’s nothing but a harsh sob accompanied by a wave of tears that spill down your cheeks. In an instant, you get your wish - Suga lets you go, but only for a second.

And then he’s leaning over you again again, long, calloused fingers brushing the tears gently from your cheeks as he coos and frets. 

“Shh, sweetheart. Please don’t cry, you know I can’t stand to see you upset,” he murmurs.

You glare up at him through watery eyes, trembling in his grip. “I hate you, I hate you so much.”

 The words are barely more than a whisper, but in the deadly quiet of the living room you might as well have screamed them.

It shouldn't come as a surprise by now that he ignores them regardless. He’s always been remarkably good at that. His fingers glide across your tear streaked cheeks until he’s cupping your face in both hands. Hazel eyes study you intently for a moment and he hums thoughtfully, a small smile gracing his face. “You’re just a bit tired, aren’t you, baby?” 

His lips are on yours before you can even think to move, and when he pulls away there’s a wicked gleam in his eyes that makes you want to flee and hide. “Why don’t we head to bed a little early tonight, hm?”

[rangergirl3]

Holiday Encouragement Post <3

Basically I just wanted to give you all a big holiday hug, and a nice encouraging/rambling sort of post.

Happy Holidays, everyone! <3

More thoughts below the line ;-)

So sometimes during the holidays I know I feel...sad about various things - and this year, it’s about how I wish my relationship with my parents was better.

But better is not the same thing as ‘perfect’. If that was my expectation, I’d be eternally disappointed. Because people aren’t perfect. They have faults, and issues, and bad days - but the simple truth is that the people in your life should treat you right - because as a person you deserve basic respect and love - and when they don’t, they should apologize (sincerely), and learn from their mistakes. If (or when) they don’t, you have to take the steps necessary to ensure your health and happiness.

Right now, for me, that means no contact with either of my parents. Which, to be honest, is difficult, and makes me sad a great deal of the time, but it is what is called for at this time.

It hasn’t been easy, and to be honest, I’m not sure what the future holds. But as I’m living in the present, I’m going to do everything I possibly can to live it well. 

This may seem like a strange post (it being around the holidays) but I’ve found that sometimes, the holidays are...complicated - and often I find myself running into people who have the mindset of ‘Well, it’s the season of family, right?’ 

No, Great-Aunt Murtle, it’s not - it’s actually about spending time with people who actually care about you, not people who insist everything’s totally fine when the truth is that some serious shit is all kinds of wrong. You can’t push an elephant under a table, and  frankly ignoring the animal in the room is unhealthy for...everyone involved - especially the poor elephant.

So I guess just think of this as a friendly ‘Hey, just remember, the holidays are for celebrating with the people who you love, and who love you back’ post. :-)

Because there is true love out there - and the really great thing is, it doesn’t have to be romantic. It can be that friend who you’ve known since you were in college, or it can be that sibling that kept ‘borrowing’ your shoes (I’m looking at you, baby Roo) because they wanted to look grown up and so you pretended not to noice when your pair of high-heels went...missing for about a week. (Long story, but summary is I’m a total softie when it comes to my younger siblings. I love swords, and knives, and all that, but if a kid is sad about something like a missing toy, I immediately turn into a total puddle of goo - but back to the main post ;-)

On the other hand, love can be romantic. The most unlikely circumstances led to me meeting and marrying the greatest guy I know, and I keep falling deeper in love with him. But the thing is, the first thing in our relationship is our friendship. I literally didn’t think I would ever want to be romantic with anyone. Yeah, he and I got married years after we met, but the thing about love is this:

It can be romantic, or platonic. It can take a lot of forms, but in the end, it’s about caring deeply for a person, and loving them as they are. It’s also about knowing that you, in and of yourself, are worth love, and respect, and taking a stance for yourself.

Relationships are so, so important in our lives, so just remember: You are worth love and respect. The people you love are too. And regardless if you have a +1 for the holiday party or not, you are amazing, and completely unique. Hold onto that knowledge, and love being you, because no one else can even come close to the miracle that you are.

[team-adults-blog]

4.07 Gimme Shelter

They didn’t even get the rights to play the Stone’s song. 

Let’s talk about chicken nuggets, Grey’s Anatomy, and Ethics.

HERE WE GOOOOO THAT BLACK RAIN IS REAL

Damn everyone just stripped. Hero boys out to save that kid Harper left for dead.

FUUUUCKKKKKKKKKK. I literally had to pause the show and take a moment to calm down. Everyone’s half nakey. I can handle this. It’s just that it’s EVERYONE. ALL AT ONCE. 

“Why don’t you make a fire, you’re good at that” OOOHHHH Octaviaaaaa burn him. Puns.

Big bro Jackson showing Clarke around like a cool bro should. Abby’s smile is radiating (hah) sunshine and can provide all the solar energy that rocket needs. Jackson is so happy for her. Sachin is the best because he only gets these little moments and kills every single one. 

AWWW she needed to see her mom and get a hug. This is so nice. They used to be pretty mad at each other over dumb misunderstandings and now look at them. I’ve missed you so much. It’s important to remember Clarke is what, like 16-17? Listen. She may have been forced to grow up but you’re allowed to turn into a kid again when you go home. I made my mom buy me chicken nuggets over break and I’m older than Clarke so get wrecked. Here I am, going to brewerys with friends and coming home for the nuggets. But I’m like. An adult. So I make them in the oven and not the microwave. Plus you don’t have to count how many nuggets per 11 minutes. You can have as many as you want. This is important to me because I have no self-control. I also talked my friend into buying the dino chicken nuggets so I’ve basically been living off of beer, nuggets, and smoothies. I’m the picture of health.

Raven’s sedated? AKA you couldn’t get her to take it easy. When was the last time you slept? Um. Try the last episode? Murphy wasn’t only asking do I need to go get the doc, but also do I need to go wake the doc. “I’ll sleep soon enough, one way or another” to quote my cutie patootie B, “dark” aaannnndddd Jackson told on you to Clarke anyways because he knew you’d try this crap. 

Bone marrow? Literally Mt. Weather. Ethicssss. Clarke, why are you not alarmed? DOCTOR LORELEI TSING WAS DOING SOMETHING VERY SIMILAR TO YOU MOTHER (who should also remember this) AND NEITHER OF YOU ARE TALKING ETHICS EXPLICITLY TO EACH OTHER? It’s different because Luna is “ok” with giving you her bone marrow, but creating a human test subject against their will? Whoaaa, Nelly. Glad we’re not rushing into this yet. And Emori is going to misinterpret things. Abs is going to make it voluntary like the culling, right? You don’t need to freak out.

Clarke gets laid, 2 hugs, a SHOWER, and a NAP. All in 2 episodes. She is living the dream. That nap is what she needed to be calm and collected later.

Jump scare! Oh shit someone’s here. I hate this. It’s scary. I fucking screamed so loud. I’m hella tired and saw it coming and still. Apparently I use real swear words and more of them when I’m tired.

Yeah, Murphy! Kill ‘em with a cutting board! My weapon of choice in that kitchen. It’s sturdy and will knock a dude out. 2nd choice in that kitchen is a frying pan because it has a handle. #tangled You’d think knives right? You have to be able to get close to use a knife, and that grounder could kick my ass. My strategy: hit him with something sturdy and solid- not heavy because then he’ll see it coming- and then if he’s not k.o.’d  get him in a headlock. we’re not about stab wounds. we’re about concussions. #5andcounting

Guys Forever is coming back! What a good ad too. “It’s a long story.” I screamed. CW cancels a show for low viewership even though it has an interesting plot, only to bring it back 2 years later. “It’s a long story” covers both the behind the scenes process of bringing it back and how he came back to life this time. The water coming out of the body locker? Fantastic. I knew instantly. But I didn’t believe it until I saw his face. I am excited. Amanda in France is excited.

Bellamy distracted driving in the rain and gets stuck in the mud. Kane has zero ability to help. Awful. All he can do is say sit tight, babe. You’re self-sacrificial, but come one. This sucks so much.

Octavia and Ilian stuck in an elevator I mean cave (thanks B for identifying the actual name of the trope because I was just calling it cave but you’re smarter than me). What a classic way to make two people talk or hook up. Have y’all seen Greys Anatomy? People would just halt the elevator to have an important conversation and/or sex. I should have maybe realized this is what it’s called earlier...They’re not using it as much currently (S13 baby), but it got so bad in the early years it became a bit of a running joke that gets carried onto the spin-off, Private Practice:

This screen grab (from the google.com) may actually be from Grey’s while they were still trying to sell the spin-off. Like when Psych had that The Finder episode? I don’t remember, it’s been years. Anyways, on The 100 they’ve used the trope a little more tactfully: S1 Finn/Clarke hook up and acid fog, S2 Kabby talk about deserving/not deserving salvation in Ton DC. Uh there are most def more but I give up.

The trope for the cave scene felt very in your face, glaringly obvious. Ilian tells Octavia his sad story, then he says it’s her turn. O’s gonna pass. Feeling numb hard. But everytime I find myself saying “fuck it, I’m tired of being this way” a little voice (my conscious, not the scary ones) tells me that the “I’d rather feel pain than nothing at all” mindset is actually incredibly unhealthy and dangerous. The show could have played the entire song “Pain” by Three Day’s Grace and it would have been spot on for what’s happening in this scene (except for who’s actually initiating the sex). “Just make me feel something else,” that’s using someone. That’s how you get in trouble with people because you’re not taking their emotions into consideration. So maybe Ilian does want this, but it’s clearly not the way he would want it. He pushes Octavia away more than once before he gives in. It’s so clear from an outside perspective that it’s wrong, and yet it makes sense emotionally. To me at least. I have a lot of repressed memories that are surfacing and I would like to shove them back down where they belong so we’re just going to leave this and go somewhere less personal.

“It’s good to hear your voice.” Damn right I would rather talk about Kabby. SOOOOO sorry to be the bearer of bad news but we’re running out of water Abs. We’re getting pretty desperate. I trust you 100% to make the right choice on your medical ethics question. This whole conversation is great because Paige and Ian are acting alone in radio scenes; they’re not feeding off each other. Being able to bring up that emotion by yourself is commendable (for Bob too) and they’re all so lovely. Back to the plot- Kane has made poor decisions before, most notably the culling, and Abby has pretty much always been on the right side of the moral issue, trusting the people to volunteer. Abby will do the right thing, she always does is Kane’s angle from being wrong as well as building this trusting and loving little thing. Speaking of which, Clarke you didn’t send his love? Sure they radioed later but. This isn’t a “tell them I say hi!” from my mom whenever I go to my brother’s house. This is important! (sorry mom) Now, the questions:

Take a life to save everyone? Is it murder? Even if we don’t call it murder, could I live with myself if I did this? Whenever philosophical questions come up, I want more details before I commit to a side. Specific circumstances will drive the answers. Unfortunately, they’re operating under a lie Emori is telling everyone, a lie that says, he’s a bad guy. A really bad guy. Even if we’re not 100% ok that this is a forcible injection of nightblood and then we’ll see if he dies or can run out into the world, it’s not like we’re doing this to a sweet child. Clarke reassures Abby that it’s a good decision, but Abby was about to do it anyway, so are they framing it as Clarke holding more responsibility? Or did they just want to give her some? Everyone there shares the responsibility- I won’t call it blame just yet because they don’t know- but doing this gives Clarke a bigger piece? Will finding out the circumstances they think are driving the situation are lies change how they feel about their decision?  Of course! Will Abby feel incredibly guilty? Of course! Does it matter to anything other than your conscious that he’s not the bad person Emori lead you to believe he was? You still made the decision to do this against his will. What a #fun plot to explore, especially with Murphy knowing it’s a lie as well. It’s not if the others find out, but when.

The Blakes and dad!Kane are ripping my heart apart. Kane’s just trying to keep Bellamy safe and reassure him. He missteps. Big. “your mother would be proud of the man you’ve become. I know I am.” He reads that Bellamy need to know he’s doing a good job despite things being out of his control. If he had said “I’m proud of you” he would have been fine. But. Ya didn’t. “You floated my mother.” Damn. He sure did. For having Octavia, the other kid you’re highkey trying to parent. Nothing like a good reminder that all of the delinquents have good reasons to hate/ fear Kane because he put them all there. Jaha gave the order to drop them on the Earth, but S1 Kane arrested them and floated a lot of their families (which makes the dad!Kane bits a little sad). It’s a nice slap in the face to wake up and remember ALL of the character development he’s gone through since the pilot. He’s incredible now, but he still has a lot of baggage he hasn’t had to really deal with aside from Octavia and Abby. He and Clarke never even talked about it back S2 when they started teaming up bit by bit.

He blunders the Harper situation because he’s too worried about Bellamy, Peter and Mark/Matthew (I’ve already forgotten which) and Abby. “Who you want to be doesn’t always win.” Ok. True. But that’s a shitty thing to say to Harper who’s already feeling like shit and has told you she’s wrecked with guilt. You dropped the ball there. ESPECIALLY when you’re trying to comfort Octavia after she ALMOST murders Ilian TWO HOURS AGO. ??????. Harper not off killing people, she just freaked out in a crowd/mob/crazed herd environment and this guy grabbed her. She shook him off and instead of fighting to help him, she lets herself be pushed along by the crowd. She’s not a terrible person, her guilt is evident of that.

Bellamy gets back- how did he dig that rover out of the mud all by himself? Kane tries to apologize, Bellamy flips his line from earlier back in his face. “You can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved.” I can’t save Octavia. You can’t save me. Savage. Gut punch. Which must be even worse when you think about how those arms pushed a 2,000 lb rover out of the mud. Boy packs a punch. Poor Kane. He deserved it after bringing up Aurora Blake, that doesn’t make it hurt less.

Octavia throws her weapons away and is taking Ilian home. She doesn’t want to fight anymore. I’m glad, but I’m not sure how sleeping with Ilian brought her to this conclusion. If I missed a line help me out.

My exact thought process on the last scene: OH MY GOD IT ISN’T HIM. EMORI. MURPHY WHY DO YOU GO FROM ALARM TO SMIRKING AND THINKING “THAT’S MY GIRL.” THIS IS NOT HOT.

Shirtless everyone and cool questions give this episode a 9/10. I’m fine with being unclear as to where Octavia is going, I’m not cool with not understanding the morning after and how that decision was made because its 1) really important and 2)the show acknowledges it’s important enough to show is (unlike Abby’s rings). -1 for that.