#and if we're not doing that then whats the fucking point

[middle-earth-mythopoeia]

Award for the most nonsensical, contradictory comments goes to this person:

Maybe YOU need to read the text you misquote and misunderstand. Galadriel scorned Sauron, fancy that! Wow, it's almost like ROP contradicts this. And just so we're clear: scorning someone is pretty different from making googly eyes at them. Galadriel's scorn is canon; the latter is not.

Nowhere in this block of text - or in all of canon - do I see the suggestion that Annatar asked Galadriel to be his queen, or posed as a mortal man, or showed up on a random raft in the Sundering Seas, or any other abysmal writing choice ROP made. So whatever point you think you're making, you're not making it well.

We cannot assume that Galadriel's only reason for scorning Annatar would be knowing his true identify. Do you remember how she scorned Feanor simply because she sensed a darkness in him? It's pretty obvious that she found Annatar to be suspicious but didn't know exactly who he was and thus had nothing concrete to tell the other Elves, but she certainly didn't trust him. If Galadriel had known Annatar was Sauron, she absolutely would have told the other Elves. But what does ROP do? It has Galadriel fall for Sauron's deception hook, line and sinker (not scorn him), then discover who he is and just... not tell anyone! The guy who killed her brother and countless other Elves.

It's never "made explicit" that her speech is "her own"? Usually people's words are their own, so maybe jot that down.

You said it's "weird" that I "want" Galadriel to be power hungry of her own free will... Uh, what? This is not about what I want Galadriel to be, this is about canon. Then you say that Galadriel has been a "power hungry narcissist" since Tolkien created a backstory for her... You're not making sense. You're telling me I "want" Galadriel to be power hungry... and that she actually is? What exactly is your big breakthrough here?

My post above was literally about how Galadriel's ambition is her own and it comes from her and is not an idea Sauron planted in her mind. So after lecturing me on getting it wrong you say: "Sauron offers her what she truly desires - that desire did not come from Sauron." Yes, I know. Thank you. That was literally my point. My LITERAL POINT was that Galadriel has always had ambition and a desire to rule, and that ambition came from her, and so attributing her speech in FOTR to Sauron is fucking absurd.

Uh, guys? Don't confuse your crappy televised fanfic for the story that Tolkien actually wrote.

Galadriel was never "under Sauron's thrall." That's something ROP made up. In Unfinished Tales, she was the only one in Eregion who suspected that Annatar was lying about being an emissary of the Valar. Celebrimbor was deceived by him. She was not. She was certainly not "under his thrall." No, not even because she had Nenya.

Yes, when Frodo offered her the One Ring, she was tempted. It could have given her the power to prevent the fading of Lothlórien. But when she makes this speech in the book, and in the Peter Jackson movies, it's her own thought, she's not repeating something that Sauron said to her once:

“You will give me the Ring freely! In place of the Dark Lord you will set up a Queen. And I shall not be dark, but beautiful and terrible as the Morning and the Night! Fair as the Sea and the Sun and the Snow upon the Mountain! Dreadful as the Storm and the Lightning! Stronger than the foundations of the earth. All shall love me and despair!”

These are Galadriel's words. Her words. Not Sauron's. And she was tempted by the One Ring because she could have been a more powerful queen, not Sauron's queen. Like, you guys really took one of the most powerful and complex female characters in Tolkien's works and you made her story all about a man and his power over her and his manipulation of her. Fuck off.

And stop tagging ROP as Lord of the Rings.

[tunemyart]

So I've just watched the finale and I'm feeling... Weird. I think part of it is because this show started with everything I like in a story (cool badass ladies, a queer romance, found family, redemption, etc etc) and ended up being... Not all that (most characters die, the romance is doomed, and I guess the redemption mostly happened but wasn't entirely satisfactory to me). Also, I'm someone who as Trauma (tm) with death so, I guess my brain's first reaction is "fuck that I just want them all happy and safe" and it takes me a while to accept when stories take these paths, however well written they might be.

Still, I thought it all went a bit fast in the last 2 eps, with parts of the show ringing just a little bit more hollow than I would have expected? I'm left feeling like the characters of Alice, Mrs Hart and Jen were treated a bit superficially (Lillia's story felt more complete). I also wished we had seen more of Agatha's past because spending centuries just conning witches then killing them is... a bit boring? (maybe we learn more about her in WandaVision, I haven't seen it). And obviously I wished we had seen more of Agatha and Rio. It's like the show couldn't decide if it was about Agatha or about Billy (partly because, I'm guessing it's setting up a 3rd show about him?), and with this short format we ended losing a bit on Agatha's part.

Anyway, curious of what you think of all that because your analysis are always super interesting, and like I said my own brain might be a bit biased towards resistance with this one. And obviously would love to read your fanfic(s) should you write any!

So, I've started and restarted a reply to this a few times, but I think what my answer boils down to is: we're meant to have multilayered responses to this finale. We're meant to sit with it. It's meant to change our experience of the show we've had to this point.

I think the best metaphor for this is the fact the revelation that Rio is Death. Bear with me, because I know this got spoiled for us way early on and we all knew it and were all just waiting for the revelation to drop - but imagine for a second that we didn't know that Rio, Agatha's ex-girlfriend and spooky fun vaguely-a-psychopath as played by the delightful Aubrey Plaza, is death. Your perception of Rio would have been turned on its head. Your perception of Agatha would have been turned on its head. Your perception of the Witches' Road and what we're even doing here with Death walking alongside us as a tourist would have been turned on its head.

Now, we all had an incredibly fun time even with the knowledge that Rio is death before we should have had it. But I think some of the power for what it meant for the story - and our perception of what was really happening - was muted.

Jen, at the beginning of 1.08, says, "She told us who she was from the very beginning."

Sit with that - because the same is true of this story.

---

It turns out that the Road is a metaphor for death. This isn't fully illustrated for us until Nicky, the author of the Ballad, walks down the road with Death's hand in his, and we go, oh. Oh.

Agatha tells us in the beginning that the Road doesn't exist, a rare instance of her giving anyone unbridled truth. And sure - the Road that our coven walked down doesn't exist. The Road that all the witches Agatha lured to the deaths believed in doesn't exist. It's a fiction. But it's significant that Agatha lured them all to the Road and killed them. They wanted to walk the Road. They died. Not "they died instead" - it's a two-fold statement. They wanted to walk the Road and they died. In a gruesome way, Agatha's been taking witches on the Witches' Road since the 1750s.

I don't think the significance of that is lost on Agatha, either, especially where we pick up at the beginning of 1.08. Lilia's dead, and everybody's reeling.

Perhaps Agatha more than anybody.

---

I also want to quickly take a look at Rio's accusation of Agatha regarding Billy.

"The bodies are really piling up." "Did you doubt me?" "Yeah, I did. I thought there'd be a trick in there somewhere. And there was! You were distracting me from him."

Because this is a revelation about Agatha's actions toward not just Rio, but any audience watching her - i.e., us the viewers. She's been distracting us! Not from who Billy is, we know that of course, but with regard to what the Road itself is. Agatha's known the Road isn't real the entire time. She's been protecting Billy from that knowledge. She's been protecting Billy from Rio. She's been protecting the coven itself from disintegrating. And, the biggest con woman move of them all, she's been distracting us - with less and less success as the show goes on - from the fact that she is not even the slightest bit in control.

---

So I definitely want to circle back to what you said about how the show started out with everything you like in a story, because oof, yeah, I felt that. I felt that hard in the finale. Coming off the impact of the incredible storytelling in 1.07, and the queer jokes and campy Wicked cosplay balancing out the sad, I think many of us spent the next week expecting some kind of emotional resolution that probably involved the remaining coven banding together in some more of that found family we've felt them becoming along the way.

Here's where things starts going wrong, right off the bat: they don't. Instead, they splinter. Not only are you aware of just how few of them are left (Jen, Billy, Agatha), but Jen and Agatha can't handle Lilia's death. Jen's distraught. The close up on Agatha running away out of the trial and back onto the Road, alone, shows her looking hunted and wild in her guilt. Everything that follows has its seeds in that moment of rending that began with Lilia's death.

From the beginning, the point has been that Agatha Harkness is a covenless witch. It's something we've seen her revel in - maybe simply because she has no choice but to own it. But the fact is that here, for the first time in centuries, she had a coven. She didn't intend to have one - she intended to kill them all in her basement and not think twice about them again. But events transpired the way they did. They became her coven. And one by one, they all died on the Road.

Rio, of course, has the words to cut right to the quick: "Your coven is shrinking," she teases Agatha cruelly. Agatha looks wild - because she's right. The worst thing is that she killed Alice - and she didn't mean to. She didn't want to. But she did, and in exactly the same way she'd intended to kill her at the beginning, the same way she's been killing witches for hundreds of years. "Your coven is shrinking," and it's Agatha's fault. It's Agatha's coven. It's Agatha's coven.

Hold on to that, too.

---

One of the things that I've been mulling over most is Agatha's character. She's so much fun in the beginning. We're all fucking charmed by her. We also don't have the full context of just how much of a serial killer she is.

So for me, at least, watching 1.08 and not only not getting found family, but getting an Agatha so far away from a "redemption" story that she only just barely is willing to not sacrifice Billy for herself, was kind of a rude awakening. Agatha's a lot more of a villain that I was prepared for. Surprise!

Agatha's so far away from "redemption", in fact, that she's only just barely starting to feel empathy for other witches. She's just starting to be affected by people who aren't #1. And that's a trauma response. And it's so, so, so deeply rooted in her that she's only just starting to be able to conceive of the idea of people who care for her. Of the possibility of being able to live in community. She's not ready for a redemption arc. There was no way that the kind of redemption arc she'd need could fit into nine episodes, because so much of it would for her be predicated on a mental shift that Agatha just hasn't arrived at yet. She's still so angry. She's still so traumatized. She's done almost none of the work. And even at the end, even with the final gesture of sacrificing herself for Billy, that's not a final act of redemption, oh Agatha's now a good person/forgiven/insert word frame of choice.

What this show did in terms of redemption for Agatha was set her up to be in a place where she might want it - where she might want to do and be better for Billy, and someday, for Nicky.

And it's significant that that point comes for Agatha in dying… and after death.

---

This show is about death. The Road is about death. Death is a character on the show.

Like, okay, you're saying. Fine. But what about my gay fun times? What about my queer romance, my found family?

And please know that I'm there with you.

I'm not hugely in touch with what the larger fandom is saying and how they're reacting because I have my little echo chamber here on tumblr and a few friends who have actual social media, but even here I get the sense that we're all kind of :/ for fairly similar reasons. What happened to the show I fell in love with?

And for me, the last few days, I think it's been important to realize that the fact that the show I fell in love with didn't suddenly become a different show. It didn't pull a bait and switch. No twists were in bad faith. Everything has been right here in the text of the show from the very beginning.

And I think it's important to see the story that Jac Schaeffer et al. were actually telling vs. our expectations of what they were telling, or worse, what we wanted them to tell. For just one example, I was convinced we were going to see Alice again - maybe Lorna Wu, too. I wasn't expecting it to be for the sole purpose of recognizing that not only is she dead, but to give Alice herself the space to say that it wasn't fair, that she wasn't ready, that she'd just broken her family's curse, that now she can really do something with her life! Because, ugh, yeah! It's not fair, for all those reasons! But that's also death. Likewise, Sharon's just dead, and worse, her death was pretty much meaningless. Lilia rediscovered herself again, and she chose her death to save everyone else - extremely meaningful. But at the end - she's just dead. We don't see her again. She's gone. She, like the others, walked the Road and away with Death.

I loved these covenless witches. I loved them finding themselves together. I loved them bonding around the campfire and discovering community. I miss them all, so so much. But they told us from the beginning how haunted by death all of them were: Alice and her mom, Lilia and her coven in Sicily, Billy and William Kaplan, Agatha and her son and her ex-lover. And of course, Death herself. Forget haunting these individuals - she came to actually join the temporary coven. Like, fuck. They told us what this show was about.

---

This show is about death, but it's more complicated than that: we'll take our cue from Rio again, who, in being Death, is also the original Green Witch. In short, this show is about Green Craft, "growth and decay in constant flow."

So yes - almost every single witch in the coven dies. Yes, it's permanent. No, the queer romance isn't resolved happily. No, Agatha doesn't have a redemption, satisfying or otherwise. And no, none of it follows what we've come to expect from found family story trajectories.

But the focus shouldn't be solely on the decay. There's a whole cycle of growth coming up after it, even now, and it's being made possible by the death and decay that we just witnessed. And most importantly, it's confirmed that this isn't the end of the story - just the end of "Agatha All Along."

---

I'll finish by actually answering your question - I've been sitting with the finale for a few days, because I also felt weird about it. And I think that's the right word: "Weird." Very spooky season-esque, first of all, but also not tipping all the way right into "bad".

The first thing to acknowledge is that no story is perfect - they were limited by nine episodes by what they had the space to show, and finales are really hard to get just right. The second is that you're allowed to not like any or all of it, especially when something happens that asks you to change your entire understanding of the story thus far, i.e. the Road isn't real, or when you have a particular trauma around death and it turns out that that's what the whole show is about in ways we hadn't fully realized. The third is that it's worth sitting with stories sometimes and seeing how they marinate and develop in your brain and your soul over time. All of these things can and should coexist.

This isn't my first go-round with a series finale that initially made me ???, so I was fortunate in that I felt like I had a cheat sheet. I've still got some marinating to do to see how this continues to change for me. But it's helped me to realize that my ??? reaction is what the story wanted me to have - that the characters are reeling right along with me. Not just Alice in shock about her death, but also Billy at the implications of his creation of the Road regarding his responsiblity for what happened on it. We're meant to feel this way… and then we're meant to reconsider the journey we've been on, the Road we've walked with all of them and the death we've died alongside them, and see it anew for what it really is.

[velvetvexations]

Antigonism

ANTIGONE: I'll do my duty to my brother - and yours as well, if you're not prepared to. I won't be caught betraying him.

What is antigonism?

Antigonism is a transfeminist mode of thought specifically for transfems that embrace solidarity with other trans people, as well as those who are intersex and the queer community in general, under the belief that it's vital to recognize we're all equally oppressed and capable of doing lateral harm to one another

Beliefs of antigonistic transfems include but are not limited to:

accepting that transandrophobia exists

being mindful of exorsexism

not policing the terms that intersex people use for themselves

awareness that other AMAB people can present as feminine without being some kinna insult to us

recognizing that racial hegemony and the cishetpatriarchy are radically different systems of oppression and any comparison between the two, while possible, must be made with exceptional care

rejecting the "reclamation" of radical feminism

finding it appalling to demand that other trans people define themselves as privileged for not experiencing the same things as us - especially when they do in fact experience much of what is commonly, inexplicably cited as unique to transfems.

Isn't that just trans unity?

Trans unity is also great! But I feel like transfems who explicitly reject trans radical feminism could do with a word that is more forceful and specific. Some would prefer that this just be considered the default, and the vocal minority of people who think transfems are oppressed by other trans people should simply be treated as weirdos out of step with the rest of us, but I think there's value in making a strong statement with a term like this.

I've seen a lot of people who legitimately feel like shit because the vocal minority has been so loudly terrible that it's affecting how comfortable they are with random transfems whose opinions they don't know. I understand the temptation to just say they need to touch grass or whatever, but even aside from the fact that things like anti-transmasculinity within the community isn't purely limited to discourse on a dying social media website, I feel like that's blaming them for their reaction to being treated cruelly. I think antigonism could help drill in that there are tons of transfems who back them up, and that they don't need to search for keywords to know that person is safe.

Because, like, that happens to me, too. So many times I've seen a post I really liked and thought was insightful, only to have my distrustful nature lead me to doing such a search before reblogging and being gravely disappointed with the results. That fucking sucks, yall.

Why "antigonism"?

In the legends of Ancient Greece, Oedipus had two sons. One of them, Polynices, would eventually go on to wage war upon his brother, Eteocles, the king of Thebes. There were many telling of the story, some in which Polynices had a very good reason for doing so and some where he didn't.

Polynices and Eteocles both killed each other in the war, but Creon, who took power after, unilaterally declared that Polynices was a traitor. Antigone, the daughter of Oedipus, however, simply does not give a fuck what Polynices did or did not do. When Creon orders that any who try to bury Polynices will be put to death, she proudly does so anyway.

The most famous teller of Oedipus's family history, Sophocles, wrote a play about the war, but it's lost to time and so we know nothing definite about what version of events is canon to Sophocles' play starring the titular Antigone. Considering that the whole point of Creon's character is his dogmatic clinging to law over sense, his assessment of Polynices as being in the wrong for going against authority doesn't clear things up.

I emphasize this because I don't want to seem like I'm framing other trans people - transmascs especially - as requiring forgiveness for some vague past sin. Quite the opposite, just as they treat us as their sisters in spite of that minority of transfems who are awful to them, we must recognize that they're often the first to shut down transmisogynists amongst themselves. Ultimately the point of Antigone's actions in defying the law to honor her brother is that things like that are entirely irrelevant. The fact that the person accusing Polynices of being evil is a jackass, and we know there were versions of the story where Eteocles had it coming, is even more reason to look past his "crime."

ANTIGONE: I owed it to him. CREON: I had forbidden it. ANTIGONE: I owed it to him. CREON: Polynices was a rebel and a traitor, and you know it. ANTIGONE: He was my brother.

Does that mean we should not call out other trans people who are transmisogynistic or otherwise treat trans women badly? Of course not. But we have no more right to abandon or spit on them than they do us, which so many of them refuse to do in spite of the hostility they've often faced. To be an antigonist is to believe that we can do no less for those who do so much for us, and the creation of the term is intended not to spur more to do that so much as to give a name to those who've already been doing that.

Finally, I understand that the plot of Antigone revolving around Polynice's burial might feel grim. Critically, however, Antigone ultimately dies as well.

ISMENE: I must yield to those in authority. I think it is dangerous business to be always meddling. ANTIGONE: You have made your choice, you can be what you want to be. But I will bury him, and if I must die, I say that this crime is holy. I shall lie down with him in death, and I shall be as dear to him as he to me.

We are oppressed by the same forces. We are allies in the same fight. We are friends, lovers, and family. An antigonist is a transfem who believes that all trans people will live together and die together. We are committed to sharing the same fate with our siblings, one way or another. Antigonists see us all as bound together, headed for the same destination, and we would not for a second ever want it to be otherwise no matter where that road leads.

One more thing!

Even if this terminology doesn't catch on, I hope this effort means something to anyone who sees this. <3 Your sisters do love you, I promise.

[ghostykapi]

three times (you got a charm)

misamo & fem! reader // spicy pt. 2 of three against me

UHMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

anyway minors dni // NSWF UNDER THE CUT TURN AROUND NOW

you and momo never really defined who is the leading person within you four

sana and mina also don't care, but for some reason they are really good at getting what they want, which is usually having control

it's balanced

kind of

there's never really been a dynamic within your relationship with them. no definitive answer to who 'wears the pants' or who tops or who leads or who is simply in control

each with their own charm, you never really gave it much thought. well, not until nayeon was asking over beer and burgers night at a diner you frequent.

"nayeon, why are you asking me? you're literally friends with them, just last week you were over their apartment just so momo can cook you food after your nine to five"

buzzed and giggly, nayeon's eyes hold the curiosity that might not kill her, but sustain her. it makes you a bit scared, you should be more scared

"it's funny that you think i haven't asked them. momo says she doesn't care, sana just laughs and tells me that what matters is everyone is satisfied and mina just turns red and never answers the question"

sounds like them alright

"well" you had dreams, maybe one too many thoughts, of one of them pinning you down and fucking you to oblivion. you haven't done it with them yet, but the image of mina holding momo's collar, all while she's bent over her table getting pounded over that pink strap is forever gonna be in your head. sana is just giggling at your flushed expression over the door frame, clearly pleased at how your 5th date turned out

"you can just watch for now baby, but when you want it, come tell us okay?"

you have dreams, maybe aspirations. doesn't matter what position it is, all you can say is that

"well?" nayeon prods a bit more, despite the teasing tone of her voice, you know she only wants to know how well you have adjusted to the three "don't tell me you haven't had sex with them after six months of being together"

silence

"no"

you don't even acknowledge her at this point, deciding that the wall looks so interesting. hey that's a new wallpaper! that's so nice the old one needed to change after five years

"y/n!" nayeon is shocked, well she has almost every right to be shocked "last time you got into a relationship you told us it only took you 2 months to get your brains fucked, don't tell me that those three dumbasses did something bad—"

"it's not that!" you cut her off, her blush in your face spreading "it's just–uhm how do i say this–they are a lot"

"expand a lot"

"they offered to take turns to get a feel of how they are but i said i wanted the three of them there. so now we're playing this game of they wait patiently for me to make a move but i have been suuppperrr busy so"

more silence

"at least they are letting you decide" nayeon also decided that she doesn't need to break in their apartment to tear them apart "you trust them y/n?"

"yeah i do"

"ok good, because if they do something stupid to you i'll personally break their knees"

"what"

before nayeon can even start again, jihyo appears right beside her, shoving the older girl at the other side of the seat

"hi guys what did i miss"

"jihyo why are you always late? don't you and y/n end your meetings at the same time"

"nayeon unnie stuffed her face with all the fries that was supposed to be for you"

"UNNIE!"

you don't really think about it after that

not until dahyun and chaeyoung came to you during one of your night outs, one is wearing a turtleneck, the other just casually showing her tattoos and bite marks off

"really?" you can't really be stern with them, these were the girls that you took under your wing since high school and they just followed you up until here and probably until wherever

"what?" chaeyoung teases, clearly unfazed despite the other is beet red "jealous?"

"as if" you try not to think of it more, but your head is replaying each gaze they give to you when their needs take over

the couple look at each other

"no way" "holy fucking shit"

now both of them are asking too many questions, leaving you more flustered than it should. even as you walk faster, both keep up, intent to make you suffer for the rest of the evening out

so now you contemplate life choices in the back of jihyo’s car with nayeon blasting the songs too loud, chaeyoung yapping your ear off and dahyun playing soupsoup on your phone

it’s still quite silly to you, because you know that tonight is the night you decide that wearing a suit to drinking dinner was an ok idea. your reasoning being that you had just finished your thesis presentation, and you are just too damn tired to even change outfits. curse that timetable for putting you last on today’s schedule

it’s alright, because the moment you enter the place, heads turn, but that unfortunately mostly contained men who like you. seriously how many are they?

you clutch your messenger bag at the amount of men who look at you like some kind of prize, ready to bash it to their heads on command

“hey losers over here!”

until you shifted your attention to jeongyeon and tzuyu at a table, ready to waste a good 2 hours of the night before everyone decided that it was wise to not get so drunk tonight

as you settle in and try to look away as jihyo starts giving tzuyu one too many kisses, you also take in the setting of this restaurant. as the only one that served coffee, matcha and alcohol on tap, it made a name among college students and other young working adults, thus it’s popular status brought many familiar faces tonight.

in fact in one corner you see your girlfriends conversing, probably discussing their next vacation. sana happily yapping, mina typing everything down, and momo leisurely drinking a shake

wait

what?

you stare at them, trying to figure out if the plans have changed and they forgot to tell you or you talked about it the night before and you completely forgot

they don’t notice, but it seems like they were there since the afternoon, taking their sweet awful time to finish their drinks

so maybe plans haven’t changed, you’d still celebrate with them, have dinner, kiss and finally beat them in mario kart (hopefully!)

well that is until momo spots your eyes across the room and suddenly all three of them seem brighter after they all turn towards your general direction, intent of maybe stealing you away

dinner is still on sweetness?

it’s a text from mina, and you still try to tune out pda from your friends

mhm! i just have to make sure these losers get home safe. me and jeongyeon are babysitter duty today

the three of them huddled over mina’s phone and you think it’s a cute site despite their serious demeanor

ok sweetheart we’ll wait for you back at home. sana says you look incredibly good in that suit

thank you honey, you all look very good today. i’ll show you later how much?

you close your phone before you can see their reactions and see that the entire table is still in chaos

“gross” tzuyu comments beside you, despite having lipstick stains on her neck and jihyo leaning on the other side while reading the menu

“you have one too many lipstick stains, i think we are in the same boat”

even though you agreed to meet later into the night, they stay and watch over you and your group of friends. eyeing anyone that tries to get too close and practically burning that flirty waitress by your table, who is practically eye fucking you. everyone but you can see it

“i’m gonna rip her head off”

“me too”

“girls keep your composure”

each time your orders and drinks come in, she basically gets too close to you, as far to get nayeon, who sit beside you, to glare at her. the entire table makes jokes about it but it flies over your head, just happily munching on some fries and nursing a tipsy tzuyu to simply not mix drinks

“sana if we don’t leave i’ll rip her head off”

“mina don’t you dare, momo grab her and let’s go”

“owkai, cmere my minari”

before they leave though they pass by your table, and you visibly perk up at them. before you or your friends could say anything though, mina grabs your tie and pulls you for a kiss. it shocks you and you don’t recover until momo also does the same thing, earning more gasps from your friends and nearby tables.

“oh!” basically the entire table when momo pulls away, leaving you speechless at their bold moves

“you are ours” sana smiles and gives you a kiss, softer than the two but it leaves you with stars in your eyes “and we want the world to know that”

even after they leave, the rest of the night you are dazed, despite barely even touching a drop of alcohol. thankfully dahyun didn’t drink, so she managed to help you and jeongyeon shove a bunch of drunk young adults into jihyo’s subaru

“unnie it’s ok” dahyun smiles at you while she’s trying to get her very much drunk girlfriend into the car “you sit down in front with jeong unnie before you sit beside any of them and endure their teasing”

even when jeongyeon is yapping beside you and the rest is causing chaos in the back, you still think about those thoughts that you are so desperately trying to stop but failing. you still think about each one’s kiss and how much you crave for more. you think that you want them to do more

even as when they drop you off with hollers and whistles, you think about how dominating mina was with how she pulled you close, how momo simply just wanted you to know how much she wants you, and how sana’s eyes drink you in, inviting you to the world you have been dreaming of.

“you’re home”

as you look through your keys in your bag, you failed to notice the apartment door was open, revealing mina who’s still wearing that suit

you don’t know what came over you, what ever it was that you were thinking fueled you to push mina in, dropping your shoes and bag before kissing her, letting her pull you closer

she pulls away before she does anything more, and you fight the urge to whine and pull her back in

"words my love" mina coaxes you, and it takes so much will power to not give in to your needy eyes “give me words to continue”

“kiss me, fuck me, i—” you are so impatient. you want to feel her love and her touch “show me how much you love me”

she doesn’t hold back, once more using your tie to pull you into a kiss in the hallway, feeling two pairs of eyes from the living room watching

“minari” momo calls over, sana simply content watching you, already loving how the night is turning out “i think you need to bring y/n to our bedroom”

mina pulls away, taking in your needy stare before she drags you to the bedroom, momo and sana in tow, pulling you on the bed. you let mina sit you down before anything goes anything further

“if anything gets too much” mina cups your face, her tone loving but serious “you tell us ok? we want you to feel safe”

“ok sweetheart” you say, looking at all three of your girlfriends, who you trust and love “i trust my girlfriends to love me tonight”

whatever you thought about, it becomes real

momo dives in for a kiss, both of you knowing that everyone wants to do something more

"this is ok?" momo asks one more time

“please” you pull momo close, desperate for another kiss and mina gets rid of your suit, lips immediately locking in to your breasts the moment she removes everything but your panties

“you guys look so good” sana sighs and hugs momo from behind, setting aside her needs to simply watch you get taken care of “you look to pretty for us baby”

and you do, so much that you have to pull away from momo when mina starts to travel down with her kisses, leaving marks in her wake. the possessive side of her peaking through with how many she left on your skin until she reaches between your legs

"can't believe only we get to have you like this, only for us right?"

mina teases you by lightly touching you through your panties, the wetness gathering up and soaking it through

“sweetheart please” you beg, hips rising up to try and get more friction but mina pulls away each time, clearly enjoying the way she’s teasing you

“answer me sweetness”

“fuck yes it’s only the three of you who can do this to me”

mina seems happy with that answer, so she gets you out of your panties before kissing you anywhere but where you need it. you were about to complain until she starts to slowly lick first, before transitioning to fully eating you out

"just keep going darling, you look so hot getting what you want" momo coos right beside you, opting to hold your hand and sana kisses her body and remover her clothes as well

you are becoming delirious, with how delicious it feels for mina to eat you out like this

“more” you demand, and mina will give what you want “give me more”

“everything for you sweetness”

and she holds you down, her fingers entering you as she dives in deeper. she can’t get enough of your taste, moaning at how good you taste, slurping and eating you out like you are her dinner

your thighs are almost crushing mina who is in practically pussy heaven, and momo whispers in your ear the words that send you to your tipping point

“cum on mina’s mouth oh i know you want it baby, that’s what you need isn’t it? for our girl to show you how good it feels to be worshiped like that? mhm i know darling just cum for us”

you snap, chanting mina’s name like a mantra as you cum. mina? fuck she thinks she just died and this is heaven, despite her head being crushed. you just taste so good for her to go like this

“i wanna” you catch your breath, as mina lazily licks and kisses your pussy, helping you calm down from the high “make someone feel good too”

“me me me” momo is ready, simply pulling you to a kiss to confirm it “fuck me darling”

and so you do, after much kissing and teasing momo with your thigh, you find yourself fucking her with two fingers and your other hand rubbing her clit. her lips chanting your name and a bunch of curse words

"keep your fingers in me darling, i need more"

momo’s physique is too good to be viewed like this. her hazy eyes, muscles flexing under the warm lights, her hands gripping the sheets to try and hold back. it’s too much

“that’s it darlin’” she moans out, her hips moving, trying to meet your thrusts

“please” you moan, your face right in front of her pussy and the view momo is getting is making her get closer and closer to her peak “please cum for me”

it doesn’t really take long, with sana coaxing her to cum by doing what she did to you, momo’s back arches of the bed, her moan so loud you briefly think if anyone heard that through the walls

“fuck” you let her ride her high before pulling you fingers out and putting them in your mouth, moaning at the taste of her. knowing that in the future that you might spend hours on end on your knees eating her out

momo watches, cursing at how good you look while licking her juices off your fingers

“my turn”

sana smiles as she’s suddenly on top of you, while momo moves to lay beside mina to watch you both for a bit, still trying to catch her breath

“i want” sana is seductive, too good at making you putty in her hands “you too feel good just as i feel good so what we are gonna do is this”

and so, with much teasing sana can do and take within 10 minutes, you find yourself losing your mind as sana grinds her pussy unto yours. she has been soaking wet since the start and she is desperate to make you cum on her

you try to keep up, you really do, but with how much sana is in control and how much weak you are with the way she looks at you with those vixen eyes, you find yourself moaning and clutching the sheets for dear support

“you—” sana’s high pitched whine makes everyone in the room breath hitch “keep grinding on me baby i wanna cum on you too”

each time your clits touch, you can feel the pleasure electrify you, hands trying to grab anything else. that’s mina and momo’s cue to go beside you both, ready to help you both reach that high

“you’re taking sana so well sweetheart”

“fuck doesn’t she look so good being fucked like this for us minari?”

“yeah she does and sana is such a hard working girl isn’t she baby? look at her grinding on you like that”

you are so losing it right now

in between praises and the teasing, you find yourself reaching your second climax for the night. sana sees your thighs start to twitch and she grids deeper

“cum with me” sana is a demanding girl and it doesn’t take long for you to grant what she wants. bodies in synch as you cum together, mina holds you as you let go just how momo holds sana as she cums as well.

you take a while to reign bearings again just to find yourself being peppered with kisses, being wiped down with a towel, and hearing praises of how well you took it and promises that dinner will be fixed up after a shower

"that's our girl"

when you look up, they coo at your love struck daze

“love you sweetness”

“i love you my darlin’”

“thank you pretty girl, i love you”

“i love you guys too”

[morgannalefey]

Also, and I mean this with the utmost respect. fuck you, Ashley Fitzgerald. I met my spouse of THIRTY SIX YEARS online in NINETEEN EIGHTY EIGHT (1988). I'mma say this again we've been together for THIRTY SIX (36) years. I lived in Alaska, they lived on Long Island. If it hadn't been for computer networks and playing games online (Q-Link, look it up), we never would have met.

In the past your dating pool was pretty much whatever was local to you. if you lived in a small town, fuck you. You get to date one of five people in your town (and the pool is even smaller if you're queer). What's that? You have nothing in common with the intense christian, the model train enthusiast, the cross country runner, the auto mechanic, or the database developer (plot twist, they're all the same person and they're exhausting)? Tough SHIT you have to marry one of them because you live in a small town and that's your pool.

If you loved your small town in general, loved the way of life, but didn't love any of the people in your dating pool enough to marry them, then get used to be alone, bitch.

MAYBE you could be super daring and check out the dating pool of the town next door. Put up a personal ad in the paper, or go to one of that town's annual events like the fire house fund raiser and pie feed. Where you'll meet their five single people. Maybe you'll hit it off with one of them (but remember, if you're queer, fuck you).

The point made by wrenchinator-central is spot-on. The decline of public spaces where people can just meet and hang out and not be forced to spend money to remain there, the decline in volunteering for organizations that we care about, the loss of community, it's all part of this, and the saddest part. But meeting people online isn't sad. Finding community online isn't sad. It's good. The young trans person in the small town who thought they were the only one in the world, gets online and finds out that they aren't.

There's a whole pile of family out there for us to discover. And if we're lucky, we'll get to meet many of them in meatspace, too. But even if we never do, the connections we are making online still count as connections. Online community spaces are actual community spaces. We just need to rebuild the meatspace ones, as well.

[bisonaari]

I don't know if it has been done here before because I don't look around, but I have thoughts about the album and I need to share them with someone or I'm gonna go INSANE

Put your tinfoil hats on for my analysis of everything around People's Champion under the cut (probably people have talked about it and I'm just gonna repeat stuff, be warned)

So I've been a bit insane about People's Champion and I've started to think super hard about the order of the songs. I think, in my opinion, that the songs are arranged to tell the story of his life and career from right after UMK 2023 until now.

Ready To Go: This is where we start. Just post UMK, people didn't fully believe in him yet. I remember people saying "oh yeah sweden is sending someone who already won esc, but we're sending… Jere from Vantaa????". Hence the chorus, where people want to see him fail. But he's ready, he knows that he can do it. He's gonna go through and give his EVERYTHING. The mood of the song is really hopeful, with big intense guitar.

Cha Cha Cha: Do I need to explain this one here? I'm still not over this hahaha, I don't think I'll ever be. But this is where events take a turn for him, hence why it's so early in the album, even though it's his biggest song. Because he has so much to say after Cha Cha Cha happened.

Takavoltti: This is where things start to fuck up. He doesn't want to stay on his butt now that he has achieved celebrity and starts to take on so many, many gigs. A lot of us were worried for his health when we saw how much he was performing during summer 2023. But in the song, he says that he only saw opportunities and he just had to continue to take them. It takes a toll on his body. It starts to hurt, but he goes through it. That mad man. Also a couple of times in the song, people ask him to do stuff. Like a little circus monkey. And he just ends up hurting himself.

Ruoska: The bad comments start to really get to him. In the video, Erika and Käärijä are both dressed and perform as aliens. They've completely been striped of their humanity. They're just gimmicks that you can insult anonymously on the internet. Who cares anyway, they chose this life for themselves. It's their own fault. While the previous song was still a bit on the funny side, this one digs straight into the hardships that they feel. There is no more humour, only pain.

Kot Kot: He's still doing too much. While everyone has gone home, he's still drunk on the dancefloor, trying to reach out for friends who were wiser and left. He's being dragged out of there against his will, because he's so stubborn. Pushing through isn't working anymore, and people around him aren't letting him hurt himself anymore.

Skit: An appointment with a therapist. Käärijä is being cut off CONSTANTLY by the therapist, who can't see Jere as a patient. He sees Käärijä, the star. Even when he's trying to seek help, he isn't listened to. Because he's not human anymore for people at that point.

Autiomaa: Käärijä is breaking down. In the video, the therapist from the skit is taking a picture of him during the appointment. The feeling of loneliness and emptiness is around him all the time, omnipresent, eating him alive. He just wants someone to see him as a person, to listen to him, to help him with the void.

Sex=Money: At that point, you know, might as well. You're not human anymore, who cares. Why not try to get some money selling your ass. Who's gonna care anyway, sex sells and that's what people want to see, right? He made so much money on onlyfans, the press is acting shocked that he would even do that. The song is back to a bit light-hearted. My interpretation would be that he just finds the situation ridiculous, and that's why we're getting humour back in the lyrics!

Bananas: I'm not sure how this one fits in my theory, but we're SO back for humour. Kääriä is getting better. I think that in this one he found resolve to just continue going on. He's annoyed because people still only see him as an object, but he has to go through and live his life. Show must go on.

Huhhuhhei: Quite interesting to put a love song in this timeline in the story. But I think it's because he wants to live in the present, and not in anxieties from the past and the fear of the future. He doesn't know if the person sharing his bed is still gonna be there in the morning, but whatever, it's not important. Tonight, they're his and that's what matters. Thinking of tomorrow isn't gonna bring anything good.

It's Crazy It's Party: He's still stuck in the parties, they're around him all the time. He's still doing a million gigs in Finland and in europe. And just as the song is quite close to Cha Cha Cha, he's back at the beginning, the situation hasn't changed much. But this time, by the end, he goes to the party again, by his own will. And this time, he has people around to party with him.

People's Champion: We're back babes. This song is a love letter to people who love him. This is a great wrap around for this album. He's just remembering how everything went, from the start, until this point. Going through every point and emotion we've been through with him during the album. But in the end, he IS people's champion. He did it. He made it. And even with all the hardships, he's with us, when our hearts all sing together. The last line of this album that isn't a chorus is "Thank you everybody, I love you".

What a journey

So something that you have noticed that I've talked a lot is how people don't recognize Käärijä's humanity. He has been made into a kind of creature of gimmicks. You can ask him everything, you can say everything to his face. Whatever, he's a celebrity, not a person.

And this is where that cover is a GENIUS move.

On the cover, there are NO gimmicks. No bolero, no bowl cut, no bare chest with a tattoo. Just his face. You HAVE to watch his face, there is nothing else to see. You have to watch his emotion being raw, he's crying. This is not a pleasant cover to see. And I know, I've had spotify open on his face all day friday while I was working, it felt awful. But it makes you do something.

You have to acknowledge his humanity. And there's no way around it.

I love Käärijä

[thedreadvampy]

Hello! Are you organising with white abled leftists with suspiciously plummy voices who seem to be at the centre of every organising space but also surrounded by a constant maelstrom of interpersonal drama? We've provided a handy translator to help you navigate the complexities of the situation.

"I'm great at conflict resolution" - I make it so profoundly uncomfortable to disagree with me, however gently, that people tend to either acquiesce or leave.

"I'm good at reading people" - I have decided what I think you should feel.

"I'm led by my anti-ableist beliefs" - if someone's disability is inconvenient to me I will literally get SO MAD, it's ableist to ask me to think about that much stuff cause if I was disabled I'd probably find it really hard????

"you have a really unique perspective, would you be up for joining our accessibility/antiracism/inclusion committee?" - somebody has pointed out that it's a bit fucked up that we're taking a position of authority on something we do very badly, and you're literally the only person I know with the relevant marginalised identity.

"We're trying to build a safe space, but there's a lot of anger in the room" - I have spent a decade running workshops about how rape culture is bad buuuuuut it would be really upsetting for me if my friend had done something wrong so he didn't and all the people who say otherwise need to shut up or get out.

"I'm always working to hold myself accountable" - I have come prepared with a 3-page manifesto on why it's actually abusive and gaslighting for you to ask me to stop doing something harmful.

"I'm middle-class" - I went to a £15k a year public school but my parents only had a Rolls Royce and not a helicopter so I knew I was the school povvo 🥲

"I'm working-class" - as above, but in a high-deprivation region, and with a regional accent and/or an Irish Catholic background.

"It doesn't matter where we come from, it's about class solidarity" - please do not ask me where I went to school, what my parents do, or how I bought this 3 bedroom flat working part time in a community cafe.

[dansedesdragons]

𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐇 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐁𝐋𝐄𝐌𝐒

=͟͟͞♡ SIMON "GHOST" RILEY x gn!READER

⌨ | your neighbors ask you to babysit their child for an evening. after your request, they kindly agree to let your boyfriend, Simon, stay with you. this could be the beginning of a bad joke, because Simon babysitting is a rather... atypical sight? but things are going very well until the question of math exercises comes up...

notes — i had this idea recently and i found it really cute bc Simon is not a scary guy in everyday life in my eyes even if he's probably not the sunniest of guys. so just comfort bc i think we all need it <3

Oh what a sight it was... Simon, a military man by profession, with a solid reputation, well into his thirties, stood with his head in his hands, bent over a maths exercise book.

The answers to the exercises were already carefully written down in the little boy's notebook, and while his elder was having an existential crisis over a maths exercise, he was patiently playing with Simon's mask.

Simon had taken the time to explain all the exercises to the child, using the method that he knew, but he had realised that, these days, we don't teach using the same method. The child had to be able to do the exercise using the current method. So you had discovered a very patient side to your boyfriend, who explains as best he can. At first, the child was confused. Why two different methods? Then he accepted his fate, understood the two methods and moved on. But Simon didn't.

With a few muffled curses, he made a point of comparing the two methods, couching tons of mathematical formulae to prove his point: the old method was more effective than the new one. ‘‘But why?’’ you heard him swear under his breath after the third time in five minutes, ‘‘Why change a method that works very well, damn it!’’.

‘‘Simon, your language’’ you exclaimed, pointing at the child, but he wasn't listening any more. He had put on Simon's mask, which was twice too big for him, and was drawing on a corner of a sheet of paper. But it wasn't going to be conclusive as he couldn't see anything. The sight was quite comical and you took out your phone to immortalise the moment, especially Simon struggling with elementary maths problems, silently promising to show it to Johnny sometime.

Simon angrily lifted the notebook to show you his development, ‘‘But look! It doesn't make any fucking sense!’’ He looked so determined, so dramatic, so invested that you burst out laughing. You'd have thought he was about to take up arms against the national education system. He grumbled a little at your mockery, then sighed as he closed the notebook, glancing at the child who hadn't followed anything but was now asking for spaghetti bolognese.

‘‘Oh, Lieutenant Ghost, this is a science that doesn't move, you should be able to complete this mission with ease’’ you mocked shamelessly, earning yourself that murderous look, so threatening, promising terrible reprisals that you still felt a shiver of anticipation run through your body. Oh, he won't forget that when you're safe in your room, you were sure. But then he stood up, planted a warm kiss on your forehead and it was your heart's turn to shiver. ‘‘Come and help me instead of mocking me,’’ he mumbled with a semblance of an amused smile on his lips.

Later, as you walked down the steps to your appartment, you couldn't help but tease Ghost: ‘‘You know, you really did sound like a father of three, on the verge of a mid-life crisis when we're not even parents yet’’. You stopped when you realised that Simon had paused at the top of the stairs, looking down at you with a tender smile and a look of great meaning. ‘‘Not yet, for the moment...’’ You returned his beautiful smile, your heart racing at the sight, he seemed to enjoy the idea. Then you saw his smile fade and his eyes take on a bored look: ‘‘No, never mind, by the time we have a child and it grows up, they'll have time to change their methods 30 times.’’

With a sigh, you rolled your eyes and resumed your walk.

‘‘You're a pain, Simon. You're rambling.’’

‘‘I'm mostly fucking right. But when you look at it—’’

Your discussion faded as you descended the stairs, Simon ‘Ghost’ Riley's swearing disappearing for good as the door to your flat slammed behind you, muffling your heartfelt laughter.

[cipheramnesia]

It's that stupid time in the stupid USA again. The vote thing. Yeah, I'm sorry, and I'm tired too - everyone is.

Anyway, no lectures or anything. No "vote blue no matter who," and "always vote democrat," fuck am I tired of that. No pretending people who just want a better world with less death and more diversity are somehow stupid for their decision. Sick of all the unending condescension going back and forth all day long.

I'm going to just assume whoever you are, whatever you're doing, at this point you've decided because you genuinely thought about it. Whatever decision. I don't care. If you're in the USA, if you've been through the discourse hellscape, I think you're making an informed decision. It's willfully thoughtless to assume otherwise.

I would like it if you voted, if you already decided not to, I'd like it if you did. And that's it really. I'd just like it better, that's my whole, eh, thing here. I'd kinda like it if you voted for Harris. Yeah, because of the Trump thing, pretty much. My own personal little life will be slightly easier, and again... that's what I got: I'd like it better, the end. I'm not gonna add anything else because I think that's talking down and everyone did all the damn arguing amongst ourselves. I got nothing other than that, and I hope, I don't know whatever, I hope we're okay on the other side.

[scourgeofmyownbrain]

Now, I just want to start by saying I love BabBee and Dadimus. I do, 10/10 would enjoy again, but I think Y'all are neglecting the comedic and story potential of Bumblebee and Optimus meeting as ✨Adults✨ and still becoming a family.

Imagine with me, if you will, Cybertron ravaged by war. Things have fallen to shit. Megatron has been dragging these divorce proceedings out for years. Bumblebee was born around the beginning, give or take a few years, I don't care about specifics. His parents were sadly killed early on in his life due to something war related and Bumblebee has grown up alone. He manages to survive to adulthood, and he joins the Autobots. Bumblebee has been drowning in the consequences of this war since day 1 and he wants to help fix it. If Megatron won't sign the divorce papers then Bumblebee will. Yada Yada Yada Sad Backstory This is so sad, Alexa play The Less I Know The Sexy Back.

Anyhoo, Bumblebee is very good at his job as a scout. Top of the line shit, best of the best, 5 stars would eat here again. He's so good he gets promoted to work directly under Optimus Prime himself. Look at our boy go, we're so proud of him, you get that bag sister. Overtime, Bumblebee manages to become friends with Optimus (and the rest of Team Prime but we're focusing on Optimus rn) and they get pretty close. They're work besties, Bumblebee will make a joke over comms and Optimus will smile and say "I N D E E D, B U M B L E B E E.". Fucking insufferable, the both of them, it's so cute. You know how you can become friends with people twice/half your age when you're working at a hard job? That's what happened here, they've been through the (actual) trenches together, they've bonded.

So at some point, Bumblebee gets seriously injured while under Optimus's command, like some life threatening shit. Whether or not it's voicebox related is universe dependent , so we're not going to specify what happens, but it's serious. Bumblebee survives, obviously, but Optimus feels SO bad about it. Oh the Guilt is strong. When he's visiting Bee, some of this leaks out and Bumblebee tells him that he should not blame himself, Bee is choosing to fight, if he dies while fighting for the good of Cybertron, so be it. Better him than some innocent spark in the future. Plus, Bee only got hurt because of a stupid mistake he made, not anything Optimus did.

Bumblebee says this to try and reassure his friend/superior, but now Optimus feels WORSE. Bumblebee is like half Optimus's age (Bee and Optimus are whatever the Cybertronian equivalent of 20 and 40 are, respectively) and had nothing to do with the start of the war, and he's just as ready to die as Optimus is? And he's blaming himself for his injury? That he only got because Optimus told him to do something? Optimus is NOT going to let that slide, no he's not! Over his dead body! He is not crying in the club rn, what are you talking about.

Optimus has decided Bumblebee can not die now. He has declared, as the 13th Prime, that Bumblebee dying has become illegal and he will do everything in his power to enforce this new Law of The Universe That Should Never Be Broken Ever. Now, whenever the two are on a mission, Optimus tries to protect Bumblebee as best he can. He doesn't want to coddle him, Bumblebee is an adult and Optimus respects that but he'll be damned if he lets Bumblebee get seriously hurt when he could have prevented it. He also starts checking up on him when they're not fighting, asking how his day is going, how a mission went, making sure he see's a medic if he's hurt, making sure he's eating his energon, all that good stuff. Bumblebee is his friend, he's going to make sure he's okay, this is perfectly normal friend behavior. The rest of team prime is doing a similar thing, they all want to make sure Bumblebee is doing okay. Optimus isn't being parental in the slightest, he is being very normal. (Author's note: Optimus and Team Prime are being very Not normal about their emotions. All of them have some level of abandonment issues/lost-a-loved-one-itis and can no longer be normal about people they care about.)

Bumblebee recognizes what Optimus (and the rest of Team Prime) is doing. He knows that Optimus cares for him; he cares for him right back. Bee's not stupid, he knows that he's been getting some special treatment in the form of vaguely parental affection. And you know what? He likes it, a lot. He didn't get any growing up and now he's getting it from a guy he really looks up to, why would he pass this up. Bumblebee tries to return this affection he's being given in any way he can. He makes sure Optimus isn't overworking himself by visiting him while he's working, he makes sure Optimus is eating by inviting him to eat with him, he drags Optimus into the med-bay with him so he see's a medic every once in a while, he tries to make Optimus smile with his dumb jokes and antics, the whole kit and caboodle. Bee sees Optimus as some kind of parental figure, and he's going to make sure his newly acquired pop-pop is okay, just like he's doing for Bee. The Pop-Pop thing was a joke (Kind of). Why is he looking for cybertronian legal papers? That is none of your business, Bee just wants to see them for fun. No he's not drunk, the container of high grade started empty.

Life continues, Optimus (and Team Prime) continues to take care of Bee in his unknowingly parental way and Bumblebee is vibing with his newly acquired dad. It takes a while for anyone to acknowledge the new dynamic, Bumblebee just doesn't explicitly bring it up and Optimus hasn't pulled his head out of his suppressed emotion ass long enough to realize it. And keep in mind that Bumblebee is still an Adult and they are still technically coworkers, they still have a job to do, a war to win. Eventually though, maybe after the Autobots have left Cybertron, Optimus finally processes his emotions and realizes he see's Bee as family.

Optimus: Bumblebee, I care for you deeply, and I've come to see you as family.

Bumblebee: Aw, thank you! I consider you family as well. *Hands OP a data pad* In fact, you adopted me months ago.

Optimus (who did not sign any adoption papers at any time): I did what?

Bumblebee: I forged your signature.

At some point in the future, some guy is being a dick to Optimus, i don't really know what could happen, but Bumblebee steps in to defend Optimus with "That's my dad, you bitch!" and fucking slams the guy and Optimus is just standing there buffering, bc he's still getting used to showing and taking obvious affection and he approches Bee later to ask if he really considers Optimus as his dad. And Bee just kind of stares at him then points at the bumper sticker on OP's chest and says "yes, you idiot, I gave you that sticker for a reason" bc the sticker says "Worlds Best Dad" and it matches the "Worlds Best Son" sticker Bee got for himself and I'm rambling, I'll shut up now.

[imaginespazzi]

We finally got to watch UConn WBB play and as always I have thoughts!

I'm ngl, I almost jumped off a cliff after that first quarter but I'm very glad I didn't because the rest of the game didn't actually make me want to kms!

We'll start with the obvious which is: PAIGE. BUECKERS. NATIONAL. PLAYER. OF. THE. YEAR. 27 points on 12-14 (!!) shooting and 9 rebounds. My double-double prediction (even if it was point/assists) was almost true and really she should have had more assists but as the story goes, her team sold her dimes as per usual. But the main thing is don't let no fucking list fool you, PAIGE BUECKERS IS THE BEST FUCKING PLAYER ON THE PLANET.

I told y'all Kaitlyn was gonna get the first points didn't I? AND SHE DID!! In general I thought she was really good and everything I expected her to do well, she did. She's a great veteran presence and I think she's really gonna raise her draft stock at UConn

YEE FUCKING HAW. ASHLYNN SHADE THE WOMAN THAT YOU ARE. I said four 3's, she gave me 3 but the main thing is that her feet did move one defense!! She was aggressive on both sides of the ball and my favorite part of her stat sheet is the 4 steals. Feeling like a proud mom about my sophomore.

Sarah Strong YOU are my NFOY. I was so impressed with her and I knew she'd be good but I think she was even better than expected. The 3s didn't fall today but I very much do expect them to eventually fall and when they do, well it's basically game over!

Jana's hustle is going to pay dividends. She's aggressive and as soon as she's able to do that in a more controlled manner that doesn't lead to fouls, it's going to be something special. She and the team have both got to work to make sure she's getting up more shots though.

Allie baby 2-10 from 3...where's that girl from first night go? But I'm actually not that mad about it. Partly because she's simply just not gonna have the opportunity to do that again and also because I actually like that she keeps on shooting and doesn't let it phase her. The defense definitely needs a fair amount of work.

And finally Ice....*sigh* girlie GET IN THE FUCKING PAINT. Listen it wasn't all bad and I thought she was okay on defense and at least she did grab rebounds but like oh my god PLEASE JUST GET IN THE FUCKING PAINT. Maybe it's a confidence thing, maybe it's that she wants to be a wing but she just needs to get in the paint

I really liked our effort to rebound today. I won't read too much into it because it's a D2 team and we're taller than everyone but hustle can be translated and I hope to see it against better opponents too.

What I really didn't like is how stagnant the offense started off and how stagnant it got a couple of times, especially when Paige was out. But that's a new team thing and it's going to take some time to mesh it all together for 40 minutes and while it's not great right now, I see a lot of potential.

Final thought, y'all see my girl in warmups? MY AZZI BAHAMAS AGENDA IS IN FULL EFFECT!!

[nakylvr]

Loved the last one!! Can you do one for Dani taking backshots?

YES 👹

— 몸메 (MOMMAE) 🛡️

warnings/tags: language, nsfw content, sub!daniela, dom!reader, f!reader, backshots, reader calls her a slut once or twice

minors do not interact

despite daniela's attempts at proving to you that she's a stone cold top, saying there's no way she would let you change that. well, that was before a night out with you, accidentally "flirting" with someone according to you, which resorted in what was happening now.

dani's face is shoved into the pillow below her, strings of moans leaving her lips as you pound into her from behind. "f-fuck, 'ts too m-much!"

"too much?" you have a shit eating grin on your face as you watch her completely unfold before you. "but baby, we're just getting started." your hips snap into hers, your pace quickening solely to hear her more. "you're the one who was being a fucking slut tonight."

she tries to shake her head, struggling to respond past her moaning that's only getting louder when you push down on her back causing her to arch and go deeper inside her. "i-i wasn't a s-slut," her words come out muffled in the pillow, drool trailing from her mouth as her eyes roll back into her head.

"yeah, sure," you say sarcastically, scoffing. "just be grateful i didn't fuck you back there when you were flirting with that girl." you slap her ass firmly, hearing the whine she lets out making you do it again.

your words along with the tone in your voice have daniela's head spinning with the feeling of your strap filling her up deliciously. she's crumbling apart underneath you, and all she can think about is how good it feels with you fucking her like this. "fee-feels so good, o-oh my god!"

"i know," you respond tauntingly, pushing your strap even deeper inside of her. you grab ahold of her hair and pull on it, causing her to let out a whine, trying to keep herself up with her arms. "just admit it baby, you love taking my cock and being fucked like a slut," you make a ponytail with her hair and yank her up so her back is pressed against your chest. "say it and i'll let you cum."

daniela gasps when you pull her up by her hair, tilting her head back to look up at you. her arm reaches blindly for you, grabbing one of your arms and digging her nails into your skin. she can feel her climax approaching, and she knows you well enough to know you're serious about her having to tell you what you want to hear. "i l-love your co-cock ngh a-and being fucked like a slut, pl-please let me cum, please!" her moans are coming out whinier as she nears the point of coming, tears welling in her eyes at everything she's feeling.

your hand lets go of her hair and slides down between her legs, finding her clit and rubbing quick circles vigorously as your thrusts become more erratic and hips stuttering at the thought of her coming undone for you. "go on, cum all over my cock, princess," you murmur into her ear. "such a good girl for me."

dani's eyes roll back at the feeling of you hitting that special spot inside her and rubbing her clit, her eyes fluttering closed as she lets out a high pitched moan, coming all around your strap. she whimpers as you slow to a stop before pulling out of her and her legs tremble causing her to lay down on the bed, panting heavily as she comes down from her high. you quickly discard the strap from around your hips and lay down next to her, wrapping your arms around her and pulling her close to you.

"you okay?" you ask her, moving her hair from her face as she looks back at you with dazed eyes.

"yeah," she nods shortly. her legs tangle with yours as she puts her face in the crook of your neck. "maybe i'll let you do this more often," she mumbles.

"seeing how much you liked it, i'm sure you will," you smile even though she can't see it. "i love you, dani."

"i love you too."

[orangetintedglasses]

"Ghk...! W-what-- what th'fuck are you...?!"

As much as Vash was loathe to sit and wait and let Wolfwood charge in like that, with full intent to take any bullet fired at him... he forced trust to win out. He forced the knowledge that Wolfwood had done this before-- and likely would do it again, repeatedly, no matter what he said --to smooth over every urge he had to run after him and help. He could only listen, thinking of the look he'd been given, as he did what he was told to; heard the sounds of bullets bouncing off of metal plating and burrowing into muscle, tissue.

He listened. He listened and he listened and he--

He's fine. Wolfwood is fine. He's fine.

Vash was fine, too, for the most part-- he couldn't smell blood close enough to be his own. Anything that had hit him had been eaten up by the mass of tendrils still writhing along his back-- slowly retreating once it was clear that the threat had moved on. With a full-body shudder, Vash could finally turn around and assess what was going on-- to see where he was needed, if he was needed. Aching eyes spotted the first thug, out cold and face down on the ground, sluggishly bleeding from non-vital points...

The other was looking around the corner, at the undertaker, in what looked like abject horror; that gaze would swiftly turn on him as Vash decided that it was safe enough to proceed, his methodical heel-toe step barely making a sound as he moved.

With one, trembling arm, that goon decided to lift his gun and point it... but didn't really seem to know where, with the weapon sort of floating as he looked from Vash, to Wolfwood, then back to Vash... and finally settled on the undertaker with some breed of finality, turning the weapon--

A single shot was fired, and that weapon went spinning out of the man's weakened grip. Vash was surprised he managed to land the hit without maiming the guy's hand in the process (his eyes still hurt and his patience is really, really starting to wane) but he was glad for it, at least--

"L-look, what do you fucks even-- where th'fuck did you even come from, we been here for days and you show up outta fuckin' nowhere?!" the man being choked sputtered indignantly, though the way Wolfwood's rifle ground against some pretty delicate bones in his throat did serve as inspiration to change his tune up a little.

"We're jus' here to grab valuables! Th-the place is fuckin' huge, a-and I-- I-I dunno where th'fuck-- might be at center? We're-- fuck--"

"God just fucking tell him, man, this gig ain't worth this shit--" whined-- er, wheezed, really --the man from the floor.

"Nngh, yer-- yer not that far, s'center. Less than ten guys there, boss-- boss m-might be down there, pretty sure he's still tryin' to open that big door--"

It's like a dance, the way Wolfwood maneuvers Vash to cover. He's trembling, realizing that he's the reason Vash got shot just now.

fuckfuckfuckfuck—I got you I promise please be okay—

Thankfully, his vision fades in—still a little blurry, but otherwise okay—and he's able to take up his own rifle. He waits for a pause before rising over the entanglement of vines and firing his own barrage of bullets. Most, he notes, don't find purchase within their attackers and instead make useless pinging and clanging noises against the metal halls; a few manage to bounce and hit the mark though, and that's good enough for him.

Now to decide whether to charge in or stay by Vash.

He's not exactly one to take cover and fire only when the other party stops shooting—if he was, he'd have a lot less success on the job. No, he's been given a blessing, and whether he likes it or not, he should use it. The image Vash flashed him of their failure to rush the three in front of them is concerning, but that's Vash. Wolfwood has serum. He's been on the edge of death, fallen prone, played dead before just to rise and fool his marks time and time again. Now is probably a good time to use that little trick.

Wolfwood gives Vash a little squeeze on the forearm for comfort.

Stay here. I'll be okay.

Another pause in gunfire alludes to a moment of reloading, and there's no better time than the present to get into their faces. With a relaxed sigh to better focus himself, Wolfwood places a vial between his teeth, gives Vash one more look for comfort, then charges forward with a yell to get their attention.

"HEY ASSHOLES—!!"

The shout is slightly muffled behind snarling lips and gnashed teeth, but the loud taps of his dress shoes hitting the metal walkway are unmistakably violent.

He rounds the corner with a growl, and nails one of them in the gut with a powerful kick. The other two immediately react by unloading their rifles on Wolfwood. Blood and bile rises to his mouth, but he charges forward to shoulder check another of the men, giving him a shot in the foot and a shot in the knee for good measure before slamming his head into the wall and throwing him to the ground.

The vial snaps between his teeth. Glass, burning fluid, and his own spit dribble from his mouth and down his throat. His eyes burn red with rage as the final man continues firing—Wolfwood can see the terror in his eyes as he realizes that this 'freak' is a demon. He's unkillable.

The undertaker spits the vial to the side with a twinkle of glass, and he sees just how much blood runs between his fangs, like he's just bitten into someone as a beast would. Red, red glows behind his shades and the fear in the man's eyes lures him in for the attack. The man he'd kicked earlier watches on, speechless, from the floor, his mouth stuck in a gasp.

Wolfwood uses the opportunity to rush the attacker with the butt of his rifle, breaking several of his ribs, then locks the length of the gun flat against his throat, choking him against the wall. The man fights uselessly, trying to grab the rifle and push it off.

"You're gonna tell me how many of you I gotta kill to get to your boss," Wolfwood growls, blood bubbling from his throat to splatter tiny droplets onto the choking henchman as he speaks, "And then, you better give me a good fucking reason why I should let you live another day. You better talk fast, I'm not really in the mood for playing games."

[kingkat12]

romans your best friend and keeps flirting with you maybe nsfw 🤔 up to you

HEY YOU!! you bet i'm late as fuck to this, but i have boarded the inspiration station (no i was not on the toxic gossip train) (i'm sorry to everyone that gets the reference) but AGHHH I LOVE THIS ONE!! thank you so so much for this request, keep 'em coming!! 🩷💕✨

i don't smoke (roman godfrey x reader)

WARNINGS: smoking, mature themes, ish fluff, aggressive flirting, name calling, forced smoking, Roman is a cunt<33

summary: your new friend, Roman, insists he's not friends with girls. to quote him directly, he simply doesn't do that. still, he enjoys your company during a small smoke break as you skip class... but he insists; you're never going to be just friends, and he's determined to prove his point.

word count: 1,081

a/n: this gif of him smoking two cigarettes killed me, then gave me life and inspo<333 brain going brrrr, and YES OMG i'm doing oneshots and requests again!! enjoy, my loves!<3

I knew Roman would think I was the biggest loser on earth the second those three dreaded words escaped me; "I don't smoke,"

He remained emotionless, shrugging as he retreated the box of cigarettes he had been holding out in front of me. We stood behind the school, our backs leaning against the hard concrete wall as the sun fried the top of our heads. "Freak," he mumbled, rummaging his pockets in search of his lighter. 

Excuse me? "You're a much bigger freak than I am," I felt my jaw clench involuntarily-- my frustration was certainly building. "At least I'm not smoking myself dumb."

Roman cocked a brow as amusement danced in his deep, green eyes; "Yeah?" he said, fishing two cigarettes out of the box. Why two? "And who are you to call me dumb? If anything, we're both dumb. We only know each other because we failed a test and had to retake it."

I hated how right he was. I hated any instance in which he was correct. A few weeks ago, we had gotten acquainted in that small room in building B during a retake of the hardest math test I had ever encountered-- the difference was that I had actually studied for the first one, and Roman had simply not shown up for it. It was only me, Roman, and some random substitute teacher who had been called in to make sure we wouldn't cheat. Thankfully, the teacher was incompetent enough to leave the room to chat with a friend on the phone, which was when Roman leaned over my desk and said we could use the calculator he had smuggled in under his shirt.

I would've failed that test if it hadn't been for him. And now, I was failing to show up to class because he said he didn't want to smoke by himself. I wasn't sure why I had agreed, seeing as I didn't smoke (clearly), but... it was Roman Godfrey. One look from him was enough to make any girl at this school faint, and being seen with him gave me a new status as one of the cool ones. I loved that feeling, reveled in the looks I would get walking down the hallway with him, and I honestly enjoyed it more than I probably should-- 

And ever since the retake, Roman and I had been friends.

Only friends. 

Friends. Just friends. I wanted it to stay that way-- the Godfrey circus was not one I ever wanted to join.

Many things had changed in the weeks we had become acquainted, but one thing would not; I was not going to smoke. "Fine," I eventually muttered, crossing my arms over my chest. "We're both dumb, then."

Roman shifted, turning to me. Reacting, my eyes darted up at him, but I frowned as I was reminded of the amount of cigarettes in his mouth. Again-- why two? "Okay, Roman, that's taking the addiction too far,"

"Nu-uh," he managed to say with his mouth full. He also managed to smile, a knowing look in his eyes as he brought his hand up to his face. Roman left one cigarette between his plush lips, and I didn't have to be Sherlock Holmes to realize what he was planning to do with the other one.

I glared up at Roman as he held out the lit cancer-stick for me to take. "No," I prompted, shaking my head.

"Don't be a fucking wuss," he bit back, grinning down at me. 

"I'm not!"

Roman rolled his eyes, kicking off the wall. "Come on, open up,"

I felt my breath catch in my chest as he placed himself in front of me. He was towering over me, practically caging me in-- "No," 

Roman's laugh was warm, yet menacing. "Have a puff, at least,"

"No!"

"What is up with you? Have you never smoked or something?" 

"... Yeah, I haven't. So what?"

The following laugh was just as sinister. "I'll teach you, then,"

"I don't want you to teach me, drop it!--"

What happened next was beyond unexpected. Roman reached forward with his free hand, squeezing my nose shut with a harshness that hurt, which ultimately forced me to breathe through my mouth. Swiftly, he placed the cigarette between my lips, calmly taking a drag of his own before he pulled away.

As I inhaled the smoke, I managed to give him a proper kick before I succumbed to a heavy cough.

Roman only laughed. Over and over. The ridiculously pretty sound of it echoed through my brain as tears filled my eyes-- it felt like I was being choked by fire. Fire and smoke. Where was the fire alarm when I needed it? In my second act of rebellion, I threw my cigarette to the floor, stomping it repeatedly. "Hate you," was all I managed to force out, rubbing the tears out of my eyes.

Roman hummed, looking as amused as ever. He took a long drag from his cigarette, savouring the taste, savouring the smoke, before blowing out a perfect ring. It was clear that he had practiced that numerous times. I watched it evaporate into thin air as I tried to catch my breath, my gaze now darting to the single strand of brown hair that strayed from Roman's stylings, hanging over his eyes in a perfect, soft wave. 

He caught me staring, his green eyes darting back at me with newfound challenge. His voice lowered, his next words coming out in a husky breath; "I'm gonna make you smoke yourself dumb if you don't stay away. Do you know that?" Roman watched my every reaction, my every movement-- "I told you I'm not just friends with girls. That's not how I operate."

I did my best not to shudder, but it was damn near impossible. Sure, Roman was pretty and he had told me this numerous times, but there was no way in hell anything would happen between us. I would never allow myself to fall into that category of girls. "We can be friends," I tried, blinking away my remaining tears.

Roman sighed, tilting his head as he stared at me like I was the dumbest little puppy he had ever seen. "No," he said, effectively sinking his words into stone. They were permanent, a statement to remember. "We're not going to be friends."

"... Why not?"

With a simple shrug, Roman threw his finished cigarette to the ground. "Because people don't usually want to fuck their friends," His strikingly green eyes darted back at me as a smirk formed across his lips. "And I so desperately want to fuck you."

[foone]

So I've been reading up on the Dimensional Nexus Encyclopedia, and found some wild stuff in there I gotta infodump about.

First of all, did you know the name is wrong? It's not interdimensional at all! We're moving in space, not through different dimensions.

It turns out we're in one of those looping cosmologies where the whole universe just repeats if you go far enough. It's safely outside our normal light cone, so you'd never be able to tell normally, but that's what the Dimensional Nexus is for.

So the universe is the Prime Earth , and then if you go a couple hundred billion light years in any cardinal* direction, you'll find another Earth. But because of quantum effects, there's slight differences, and the farther from Prime Earth you get, the more slight differences compound on each other, and you end up with worlds that seem stranger and stranger.

And the "local group" is just the 258 Earth's closest to Prime (well, 257 + valentine) , as they're close enough to have humans on them. Past that, you get to dead worlds: there's an earth, it might have life on it, but there's no humans.

Most of these that have been surveyed have zero evidence of there ever having been humans on them, but there's a few that have human artifacts but no living humans. None of these seem to have died in recent memory, ie there's no nuclear winter planets, and the most recent one we see has humanity mostly dying out in the 3rd century PCE, and struggling along until the 11th century PCE when they finally go extinct. It's supposed (but unproven) that many of the artifactless dead worlds are just worlds where humanity (or the entire biosphere) died out so long ago that we can't find any surviving evidence of humanity, but they still did exist in some way.

Past them you get to Missing Worlds : there's no Earth there. You show up in the right position and there's just empty space. A few probes have been dropped in those worlds, and they have completely different solar systems (although one of them (loneluna) seems to have the same solar system, down to the moon still being in roughly the same orbit around the sun... But no Earth. That one is described by 9 out of 10 scientists as "creepy")

Anyway... So the Dimensional Nexus is run by the Prime universe but did you know they didn't discover the tech? It was actually the Bet world that first deployed multiversal travel tech. The Prime verse spotted it immediately and they ended up working together, because at the time Prime was researching the same stuff, they were just slightly behind. I've written about that contact before, in a world of friends.

Prime just ended up being the universe that set of the Dimensional Nexus. As we're always having to tell people, we're not the "space police", we're researchers. The primary goal of the Dimensional Nexus is to learn more about what universes exist and how things are going on them, because of the extreme risk of a war using this technology.

A properly equipped army could transport itself into your city. Sure you can use the DN tech to detect that invasion, but at that point it's already over, you've lost. They have commandos in the presidential mansion and soldiers occupying every street corner. Any attempted resistance would be bloody and short-lived.

So yeah, Prime was like "we gotta make sure there's not a Nazi Earth out there invading the multiverse". They teamed up with Bet and started the Dimensional Nexus to find out if they need to protect themselves and, if they do, how the fuck they do that.

The latter hasn't been promising. If we're not willing to take extreme measures like hiding off-earth and reshaping the planet to be a trap to travelers, about the only action you can take is "preemptive attack". You kill them before they have a chance to attack you. Like that old metaphor for interstellar war, it's hide and seek with missile launchers. As soon as you spot another 'verse with DN tech, you kill them before they kill you. Nasty warfare.

But the former has been promising. We've got no nazis worlds. The world's are all different in small to big ways, but none of them seem to be either:

1. Run by expansive fascist empires, or

2. on the verge of discovering DN tech

So the Dimensional Nexus is mainly watching and waiting and studying. We're trying to better understand how and why the different Earths are different, and we're keeping an eye on any scientists experimenting with doing a neutrino slingshot through neutron stars.

We also do a lot of death earth exploration these days. Up until '74 when valentine was discovered, we we're pretty sure there were only 257 worlds. valentine is in some kind of island of stability out in the dead worlds, and we don't know if that's because of the unique time shot going on, or if that's coincidental.

There is a bit of tendency for the current year on an Earth to be farther back from the Prime present, the further they are from Prime, but it's usually only a few decades at most, and even that wouldn't correctly describe valentine. They're in the 20s (ish: their timeline went chaotic so time tends to move sideways, not forward) but with how far out they are they should only be in like the 1980s.

Anyway the discovery of valentine changed things: we though there were no living worlds in the dead zone, turns out there's at least one, so now we gotta make sure there's not two. Thus all the exploring. We don't want to find out there's at least two worlds in the dead zone, valentine and jetpackhitler.

So yeah! Over the last 30 years since the Gravekeeper Mission started, we've cataloged about 78% of the dead worlds. We'll be done in another 10 years, and then the only worry is from something in the Missing Zone.

Oh for the record, your world (the reader) is 91verse. That's one of the middle earths (NO LOTR JOKES) where you're weird but not too weird. Like, you've still got dogs and English and capitalism, while the edgeworlds might not. (that time/distance thing is why it's still 2024 PCE for y'all, instead of 2118 PCE)

Also someone had asked about a previous post I made (indirectly. No computers in the Nexus, thanks to the temporal flux) how I knew some information: did I really go to Belgium and ask around until I found Ariana Grande on a farm with her husband?

No, of course not. I used our surveillance tech. One of the main things that's been done to watch for potential rivals in the DN tech arms race is build a lot of ways to spy on people in other universes. And specifically one major area of effort is doing cross-universe matching: you pick someone in one universe and find that identical person in other universes.

That way if there's some genius scientist in one world who has some neutrino-slingshot theories, we can quickly look them up in other universes to make sure they're not doing the same there. And it's very commonly misused by fools like me to see what a celebrity from this world is doing in others. It's always funny to look up the president or the best paid actor and find there's a universe where they instead are a kindergarten teacher.

It's a bit of a privacy invasion but the Dimensional Nexus is already the biggest privacy invasion in the multiverse (a term we still use despite it being wrong: there's only one universe!), and it's justified by those in charge that it's the only way to prevent an unwinnable DN war. We either invade everybody or we spy on everybody to make sure they don't invade everybody. Yeah. I'm just here for fieldwork, if you have a problem with it talk to the politicians who set up this thing.

Final fun fact: when the Dimension Nexus was set up, it was representatives of 5 earths: Prime, Bet, john1135, carshop, and blacksky. Because those are some of the first universes found, they're very similar... Right down to their leaders.

So there's 5 signatures on the declaration and THREE OF THEM are PM Thiers!

You should see the photo. It looks like a set of triplets setting up the worst boy band imaginable. (I can't sent the image with this post because of the no-computers thing)

* I do not have nearly enough time to explain what "cardinal" means in terms of multiversal geometry.

[brrrkdslek]

a moment of vulnerability

SYNOPSIS ✶ "nothing haunts us like the things we don't say." –unknown

PAIRING ✶ ateez x 9th member! male! reader

GENRE ✶ ot9 au, angst to comfort

WARNINGS ✶ trauma, deadbeat father, death

YINGLES' NOTE ✶ guess who's back after almost half a year lamaoaooa

it's practice time once again. you've- well, all of ateez have been darting all over the place from the company to interviews to music shows, and you haven't been able to catch a break.

you desperately want to calm the raging sea in your heart, but the other members have it hard as well, so what benefit would it bring if you were to vent and rant to anyone of the members?

not to mention how composed hongjoong and seonghwa has been, you can't fall behind them, you just can't.

so what you plan to do is just get it over with, hurry up with practice and go back to the dorms to finally rest on your nice and fluffy pillows.

"... and three, four and five- wooyoung, you're supposed to be over here." you mark blankly as you point to the left side behind you where an empty space was.

"oh, crap- sorry noona, i can't seem to get these steps right..." wooyoung chuckles dryly, trying to lighten up the mood despite your stern and unmoving expression.

"no, i feel you. noona, don't you think you should slow down a bit...?" san offered, not wanting to touch a nerve. "i agree," seonghwa piqued, "maybe we should take a break first, i think you need one too m/n."

the man smiled gently as the members all went over to the water bottles and began to drink their beverages. you tapped your feet against the floorboard and bit your nails, they've already became rough and callous from how much your teeth has been abusing them over the weeks.

"hyung? i just wanna ask-" yeosang cuts himself off when he sees you sweating profusely and lips becoming paler, "h-hey, you okay?" his face contorts into one of worry.

you came back to your senses before clearing your throat, "sorry yeo, what's— what did you need?" you ask again. "as i was saying..." yeosang begins slowly, though his expression holds one of worry and suspicion.

practice, shows, recording.

that's all you had to get done under this month, it's only started but you can't seem to relax. it's only three simple words but somehow you found the actions more complex and annoying. you also can't seem to focus on yeosang's question.

you began to sweat again as your heart rate sped up, why were you feeling so stressed? why are they all lounging as if we're on vacation?

you couldn't wrap your head around it, and you couldn't calm your raging breaths either. as yeosang waited for a response, his tongue darts out to wet his lips before he asks once again, waving a hand in front of your face.

the action makes your head spin even more. you wanted him to stop, your mouth opening and closing but no words come out. you felt a migraine slowly come but you just weren't able to find your voice.

suddenly you slap his hand away, the loudness of the skin collision makes yeosang shocked, along with the other members who turned their head upon the sound.

and for a moment, it was silent. everyone had the same thought running through their heads, including yours. 'he has never raises his hand against any of us.'

"fuck- sorry yeo, are you okay...?" you ask nervously as you reached out, only for the man to pull further back, the action alone makes your heart break, but further when his soft eyes stare at you in fear.

hongjoong steps up and pats yeosang's shoulder as his stinging hand falls to his side awkwardly, "hey, what's going on?" the man asks, not really able to comprehend the situation as of now.

your mind drifts back to an instagram reel you saw a few nights ago. 'the abused becomes the abuser', 'the manipulated becomes the manipulator'.

was that possible? were you really evolving- no, devolving, into him? that wretched man who clung to your blood like a parasite, the man that made you worse and better than you ever were before.

your fa- "hey m/n!" hongjoong snaps a finger in your face, bringing you back to reality. "what's going on? you okay? do you need something?" the bombard of questions makes your head spin.

you stumble back and hold onto the rail, surprising all the members as you began to pant, hand going to hold your head from your swirling thoughts.

stress, anxiety, worry.

stress, anxiety, worry.

stress, anxie- wait, are you even breathing? could you breathe? god, the air in here is so stuffy — the practice room was smaller than you imagined now that you looked at it seriously.

ugh, your stomach was churning really badly. did you even eat enough this morning? no- i mean how could you? how could you possibly stomach food when you're having a panic attack?

panic attack...?

you dry heaved before your hand comes up to cup over your mouth, eyes scanning the now blurry members who were slowly coming closer before you rushed out of the practice room and threw up in the middle of the hall by the wall.

you slid down on your knees your breakfast and all the bullshit you ate from yesterday hits the ground, leaving your stomach empty, just like your head now.

you wiped the spit from your lips and swallowed, the bitter taste of barf filling your tongue as your face cringes and mind swirling.

upon seeing the figures of your members rushing towards the hallway, your eyes gave out before you passed out onto the ground.

enveloped in darkness, you saw a silhouette of a woman, your mother. you could always recognise her from anywhere, not because of the pink she always adorned — well, maybe. but you could never perfectly describe the reason why.

everyone's always complimented how similar you two looked, and you always became happy when that comment came.

you wanted to be just like her — so you grew out your hair, changed your personality and acted in line. that wasn't the real reason, but it was what you told your members.

maybe it was because deep in the back of your mind, you knew the blood of your deadbeat father ran in your blood, and that there was a possibility- even if it was 1%, that you would end up like him.

you hated the revelation, so in your delusion, you changed yourself, not for the better, but not for the worse either. still, you didn't know.

blood determines nothing. that is a fact itself with the way your father acts and treats you. in his eyes, you are nothing but scum. despite holding the family name and are able to pass the bloodline, he hated you and you never knew why.

though as you grew older, the more he'd raise his hand at you and hold violence as a more superior solution than anything else, that was his way, and you hated it to the bone.

your position now as an idol determines nothing either, it's not guaranteed. no matter how good of a company you come from, a little slip up could let decades of hard work spill down the drain.

just like your little hoobae seunghan, poor boy. he had so much waiting for him just to get thrown out last minute, you weren't sure why but you felt it would happen to you eventually.

maybe because it has happened to you already — not in the exact same way, but gosh did it leave the same traumatic scar it probably left seunghan too.

you wanted to become a writer, a famous one at that. you found comfort in the little letters you'd write on your notebook, creating different stories and scenarios that filled your heart with ease.

your mother was supportive and loved to read some of the short fictions you'd let her read. always giving you that sweet pat on the head and telling you how proud she was.

you looked up to her, amazed at how perfectly she held herself, despite the familial environment your father put you guys through.

but you found out she wasn't as strong as you thought, when she killed herself in the summer of 2012, when you were only 13 year old.

after then, you stopped writing all together. her words suddenly becoming empty when you thought back to it; if she could lie about her feelings, she could lie about her words too.

you never realised, but the pent up hatred for your mother was never hatred in the first place. you only ever felt guilty for not being mature enough for her to express her deepest feelings to you, even if you were only 13.

suddenly, your eyes shot open as a tear rolled down your temple from where you laid. you glanced around the room and recognised it to be your own, with an iv drip connecting to your arm.

before long, jongho comes in with a glass of water and almost drops it when you wake up. he places the glass down gently before sitting at your side.

his eyes are full of worry as they dart all over you, thinking about what to do or say. "jjongie..." you started, though you let out a few coughs at how dry your throat have gotten.

jongho immediately helps you sit up and drink the water, downing the whole glass in one go, almost making the maknae crack a smile if not for your worrying condition.

as he placed the glass down, the man sighs. "...are you ever gonna tell us what happened back there?" he asks slowly, almost sounding ashamed that's the first thing he says to you since you woke up.

but you only blinked before turning to stare up at the ceiling, "eventually, yeah— but what day is it?" you ask instinctively, feeling as if along time had passed.

"it's been a day..." the man replied with a gulp, remembering how fearful all the members were when the doctor says you'll be resting for a while.

you hummed and opened your mouth to speak before your door practically breaks down with the way wooyoung rushed in with tears in his eyes.

"HYUNG!" the man-baby exclaims as he kneels by your bedside and wails on your lap, "oh my god, you're alive!" he cries like a baby as yunho flicks his head, "hey don't jinx it."

a tiny smile graces your lips as you gently ran your fingers through the man's hair, bringing his ever-lasting comfort, just like how your mother has always made you feel.

in just a second, all the members have successfully poured into your room like roaches. and as you caught yeosang, he comes closer at your silent message.

"are you still hurt?" you ask slowly as your free hand caressed the back of his hand, where you'd slap. you knew it didn't hurt, the man could carry two of you without breaking a sweat.

but you just felt like you should ask — you knew mother would've asked if it was here, and the thought alone makes a small smile creep up your lips.

"i'm okay, but are you?" he asks as he takes your hand in his and squeezes it reassuringly, "i think so." you chuckle, suddenly feeling so warm just with the upbeat chattering of your members.

you sigh shakily before bringing yeosang close and hugging the man in your arms. you gently raked your fingers through his hair as your eyes watered.

"hyung's sorry, i never meant to hurt you..." you whispered shakily, the guilt of that painful face yeosang made a day ago making your chest tighten.

the man simply smiled shyly and hugs back, nuzzling his face into the crook of your neck as he replies in a muffled voice. "it's okay, noona. i know you didn't mean it..."

hearing the common nickname of 'noona' makes you release the breath you didn't know you were holding as you sniffled gently before kissing the man's temple.

mingi chuckles, "guys, look at yeosang blush." wooyoung raises his head from where his tears stained your lap before he snorted, "he's bright red!"

yeosang blushes harder and yanks himself away from you in embarrassment. "am not! your eyes are redder than mine, you're the one who's crying like a little kid."

you smile upon the familiar scene of the boys bickering and bantering amongst each other, it's refreshing, seeing your members so relaxed and happy.

hongjoong sitting at your side catches your attention before you turn back towards him with a kind smile and he smiles back, what a captain.

"you don't have to tell us what's going on, but just know that we're here for you if you ever need us." he marks before grasping your hand and intertwining your fingers without anyone noticing.

"even though i'd like it to be only me," the man jokes, making you snort softly, "everyone else here loves you just the same, so don't keep everything bottled up."

a sudden laugh leaves your lips as the members go silent, turning to watch you with curiosity as you laugh your heart out, warming their hearts as well.

'if only mother was surrounded by this much love back then, maybe she would've been able to see me grow into the writer she hoped i'd become.'

©BRRRKDSLEK 2024