#and if i hadn't lost a month to hacking my lungs up and dealing with double ear infections that gave me nasty vertigo

[stirdrawsandreblaws]

to-do tomorrow:

lil' bit of morning ddr before meds

voting research for the congressional primaries coming up on june 25th, since there's a lot of other stuff on that locally

finish correcting state documentation on file with two departments

call planned parenthood abt extending my hrt prescription (assuming i can get someone to sit with me while i do it)

do the code review i was supposed to do today but too tired brain mush happened

finish drawing cursby

if i manage at least three of these i'll consider the day won tbh but i'm optimistic abt doing all six

[n-nygma]

Metal scaffolding pressed rectangles into the meat of my calves, the blood rushing to my head from where I hung upside down. The vat below me bubbled and frothed, a viscous white that could swallow me if I dropped. My nostrils burned on inhale. The same kind of burn you feel when you bleach your bathroom, sanitized and squeaky clean, melting the remnants of epithelial tissue until it’s nothing but a chromosomal slurry. If you mix it with ammonia you’d get mustard gas, and you’d hack up a pink mist of lung and bronchial tissue. 

The hospital fired me. Three weeks after my assault I tried to go back to work. I hadn’t heard from you in a week and a half, I couldn’t stand being around myself, and Dick didn’t have anything useful to say to me. So I went back to trying to be who I was before it all, but my very first patient was a gunshot victim and I spiraled right back into the carpeting of that closet floor. I had a panic attack and he nearly bled out- I’m glad he had good nurses looking out for him.

I became a liability so the hospital gave me a month's severance and said they would put in a good word if I wanted to practice up in Bludhaven. I was so dumbfounded that I didn’t respond, merely took the check and my lab coat and went home, curled up on my couch, and slept until my landlord kicked me out. 

But even before all of that; I lost you, and I'd really like to say that our breakup is what caused me to go off the rails. It would be a compliment for you, but really it was a spilled glass of something strong on my dress as some stupid dick came charging down the line of the bar and knocked into me. It was also my last clean dress, and I hadn't wanted to do laundry. Rather, couldn't do laundry because they shut my water off. I mean shit, if you gave up on me, I might as well give up on me, too.

I’ve been selling my jewelry to get by. A much smaller, much darker apartment in a shittier part of Gotham is the place I call home now. I started fixing up thugs for pocket change. At some point it occurred to me that men have been responsible for every time my life has ever gone sideways. My father made sure I ended up in an orphanage. Joker violated me. You made sure the pieces that remained of me shattered when you left. Dickfuck at the bar ruined my dress, and a grease ball by the name of Ivan split my lip when he couldn’t sit still for his stitches. 

It made me wonder if a man welded this scaffolding together, if he did it well, or if he was going to condemn me to become a slurry of tissue in the vat below. I bet his name was Marc with a C or something equally as stupid. Sweat dripped from my forehead and I watched it drop until I couldn't see it anymore, I imagine that it made a super satisfying sizzle when it made contact with whatever was in that vat. 

Are you there God? It’s me, Margaret. And it’s like that motherfucker answers because there was a dangerous creak to the scaffolding that made my spine lock straight. My hands fly up, trying to clamber my way back onto the walkway before it collapsed and I became primordial soup. Another creak followed by a whip loud snap and everything went topsy-fucking-turvy as I fell, arms outstretched, like some kind of emo girl Jesus. 

The liquid in the vat enveloped me, warm and thick like glue, knocking the breath from me upon impact. Without thinking (and because dad never taught me how to swim) I tried to breath in, only to ingest a bunch of whatever the fuck I was floating in, and aspirate on what is very much not a vanilla milkshake. And isn’t it the worst when you inhale a bunch of shit you’re definitely not supposed to be breathing? But I digress.

I don’t know who pulled me out, but I should have sued for emotional damages because I had to keep living and it is damaging me emotionally.

Then I tried to open up a couple arteries and just let myself bleed out in my bathtub so someone else could deal with my corpse, but every time I opened up the skin on my thigh it would close right back up again. Truthfully, I thought I'd lost my fucking mind, (not that I haven't, jury's still out) so after the fourth or fifth swipe of the blade I just laid back in the bathtub and waited to die even though I couldn't feel the rush of blood.

I woke up the next morning with a sore back and a crick in my next only to realize that maybe something weird was going on. Ever the scientist I am, I tried to figure out what my limit was- how far I could push this insta-heal thing. Gunshots take like a half hour, knife wounds maybe a couple minutes, limbs take multiple hours to grow back but they can grow back and I will not be telling anyone about that because it's a good way to get yoinked by the federal government.

So what do you do when you realize that it's going to be really difficult for someone to off you? You start chasing mother fuckers that might off you. (Don't worry, it's only the bad guys. Very vigilante era.) And what better way to terrify other bad mother fuckers then to use your PhD in medicine and dissect them like frogs. Though, of course, the GCPD immediately thought they had a Riddler copycat on their hands, it was just too easy to fall back into my father's image. Especially with the whole riddle thing, those are kind of fun, I get where the old man was coming from now.

I'm not a copycat serial killer, I'd like to think I'm a successor for good. Maybe it's the bodies I left, maybe I should include the wrap sheets with them.

‽

@greatest-failure-returned

[babylooneytoonz]

Warning(s): Are they back to bickering again? Like an old married couple ? Bucky Barnes gets a surprise.

Please read the other parts of this book using links from the Masterlist.

Three more months later,

(Six months ever since you left the Avengers Facility)

Bucky lowered his cap, and so did Natasha, Steve, Clint and Sam as they pushed their way through a swarm of drunk college kids that were dancing to a loud, buzzing electronic music.

"All these years, and I still don't get how this is even good. Buck and I can tell you how a good clubbing was done, back in the 1940s– " Steve was screaming on the top of his lungs.

"God, this is giving me a goddamn headache, why are we here again?" Bucky raised a brow, and fixed a cold, impassive glare on Sam.

"I was born on this day. I have the right to call the shots." Sam pointed out, and Natasha just grinned, her body almost swaying to the beats that were playing.

"God, at least they have drinks. Come on punk. I think the only place the two of us can be is the bar." Bucky nudged Steve and Sam just rolled his eyes while he and Natasha started dancing, Natasha rolling her hips in a seductive way while Sam was just sort of moving his hands.

Bucky, Clint and Steve walked up to the bar and they fixed themselves in a corner, their eyes scanning around as Clint smirked, "Come on, loosen up, grandpa's. What are we drinking?"

"I'm not drinking– "

"We'll have the four roses bourbon– "

Both Bucky and Steve spoke at the exact same time, and Bucky narrowed his eyes as he looked at his best friend, "Really? You people drag me out here and we're not even drinking ?"

"Buck, what's the whole point of drinking when we can't even get drunk?" Steve just shrugged, while Bucky just shook his head.

"It's better than nothing."

"Well I can't win from you. Let's do it. Although I'm not sure I even heard about that before," Steve chuckled and pulled a barstool, so he could fix himself on it as Clint spoke to the bartender.

The bartender placed the drinks on the counter, and Bucky curled his flesh fingers around his drink, lifting it up and placing it to his lips, his eyes watching Natasha and Sam, as they made their way towards them.

"Not fair? You started without us, Cap." Natasha smirked at Steve, and leant against the counter so she can throw in her words to the bartender, telling him what she wanted to drink. Sam just made his way closer to the men, standing next to Clint and slowly turning towards three girls that were standing by the dance floor, their drinks in their hands, but their eyes were on them.

"Well check that out. I call dibs on the one in green. Damn." Sam smirked, and Steve just shook his head in disapproval, and brought his drink up to his lips, while Clint smirked and rubbed his palms together, "Nah, I'm good mate. You can have her. I have a good one back home."

"Hey, she is looking at you man." Sam nudged Bucky's knee using his elbow and he just rolled his eyes in the most casual manner and turned his head to listen to what Sam had to say, when his eyes fell on one of the girls, who was biting her lip, staring at him. Disinterested, he just turned away; back into his drink, staring at the glass when Natasha just blurted out, regretting her words immediately, "lover boy's just waiting for Y/N to come back, bring him the hottest woman on earth now, he would still want her back."

Bucky's grip tightened on the glass, and instinctively, Steve grabbed his flesh arm, to hold him back before he could lose his control and do something he would later regret.

"Barnes, I didn't mean it," Natasha immediately added.

"You women often say things that you never mean, which is why I don't bloody understand the things that goes on in those minds of yours," Bucky brought up his index finger, placing it on Natasha's temple, tapping it twice.

The lot fell silent then, each of them now lost in their own trivial thoughts. Bucky replayed the conversation he had with you in your apartment, and how you had said that you didn't mean it. He just scoffed, and shook his head, a little too obviously and Steve started looking at him, noticing his friend's sudden weirdness before his phone beeped in his pocket and he pulled it out. "Great, Tony wants us back at the towers. Someone hacked into two of the HYDRA bases systems in Kazakhstan and Hungary. It was live for two minutes before they took it off, but Tony managed to get his hands on a few cryptic codes and coordinates." Steve stood up, his broad, bulky frame almost blocking out the lighting behind him, as he slid his phone back into his pocket.

"Well, it couldn't have been the government, or CIA. Does Tony know the potential hacker?" Clint raised an eyebrow, and Natasha crossed her arms over her chest.

"Couldn't be traced. But again, if we can figure out those cryptic codes and coordinates, we will have a lead." Steve called out before turning around to leave.

���═════𖠁𐂃𖠁═════╡

"Romanoff, you get anything?" Tony called out, while Natasha just grunted in annoyance, not even bothering to crane her neck to look back from one of the computer screens, as her fingers skillfully glided across the keypad, typing here and there. Bucky leant by the wall, eyeing Steve's computer screen, watching him intently as he was struggling to turn the cryptic symbols into something meaningful.

"Bingo, I think I have it," Natasha yelled, and immediately, the four of them flocked around her screen, staring down at the brightly lit screen.

"Eighth Avenue, Tech Laboratories?" Bucky mumbled, his eyes squinted slightly as he leaned over Natasha's back, typing something onto the computer so that the maps came up.

"But those labs have been shut down ages back, illegal animal testing and shit." Tony replied, in a casual tone and Steve just bit his lip.

"That's the whole point, Tony. Whoever this is, whatever is going on, it's illegal, which is why there's this shade."

"Guys I hate to break it to you, the more we stay here talking, we might end up missing whatever is going on out there," Natasha deadpanned giving them a serious look, and Steve nodded.

It didn't take them very long to reach the old, abandoned laboratories that looked stale and dinghy in comparison to the other buildings surrounding it. It was weird and confusing why this building hadn't been taken down yet. Another thing to notice was, that the building, although miniscule, the empty land that was in the boundary of this building was massive, and yet secluded.

Bucky and Steve stepped off their bikes, while Natasha got off hers, with Sam riding pillion behind her. Their hands flew to their gun holsters and immediately, they drew out their guns. Their eyes fell on a black sedan that was parked a few meters away; and they knew that whoever this was, was probably still inside. Steve's index finger flew to his lips, as the four of them, with quiet steps starting making their way into the building, their eyes scanning the vicinity for anything that was off.

"Do we split up or – " Sam begin but Bucky have him a glare, and he pressed his lips shut, " my bad."

The four of them walked in deeper, noticing an intense change in the heat level inside as compared to the outside. The inside of the laboratories were freezing, and it felt like they were inside a freezer. Climbing a flight of stairs, making sure they didn't press much weight to the stairs, not wanting the stairs to announce their arrival, they stepped onto the first floor, and reflexively, they stopped, when they heard a familiar voice.

"Well, does everything look okay to you?"

Natasha's head snapped towards Steve in recognition, and his eyes widened, his own head snapping towards Bucky.

"Hey, why the fuck does the voice sound like Fury?" Sam whispered in Bucky 's ear.

"Because it's Fury, Sam."

Before Sam could speak, another voice reached their ears, and this voice was foreign, and unknown.

"Mr. Fury, this is something unlike I've ever seen. Those cells are multiplying at a rate faster than a normal human growth rate. These bruises, these bruises you see aren't something very common for a six month old fetus, yes they kick and all, but this is– "

"Holy shit, Fury probably knocked up a girl. Boy I think we are just at the wrong place at the wrong–  " Sam began whispering again, much to the annoyance of the others. They all turned towards him at the exact same time, ready to shut him up when a soft, feminine voice started speaking; a voice all of them were aware of.

"Did Erskine's serum cause any damage to my baby?"

James Buchanan Barnes turned white like a chalk. His eyes and his mouth were frozen wide open, in an expression of shock, and although he was staring straight at Steve; he appeared not to notice him at all, and all he could think of was what he had just heard. Steve took his best friend's side, placing his palm softly on his bicep, slightly shaking him out of his daze. Whoever that third person was, had probably left by now, and from what they could hear; it was just Fury and Y/N inside.

"I know you want to go and pull those motherfuckers out of their shitholes, Y/N, I really know you do, but right now, they are going to come after you and try to get their hands on that kid."

"And you think I'd let them ? I'd break every single bone in their bodies. Those pesky rodents, they deserve to be wiped off, you know it," You hissed, through pursed lips, unaware that a set of four eyes were now watching you and Fury from the corner. You were sitting on what looked like a gurney, your feet dangling off the edge. A loose fitting shrug was covering your shoulders, your palms cradling your pretty evident baby bump.

"I'm tired of dealing with your stubborn ass. This is the time to stay hidden."

"I am not going to do anything stupid Fury, not until this little guy's here," You hopped off the gurney, and ran your fingers through your hair, using your shrug to try and hide the bulge of your belly, before you looked towards the back entrance.

"Call me later, I'm gonna use that back door and get the hell out of here."

"Whatever, snarky," Fury smirked.

"Don't get started," you warned, making your way out through the back, your gun resting securely in the waist of your stretchable pants.

Nick Fury waited a few seconds until he had made sure that you had gotten out safely from the back. He then turned around, and casually started walking out; only to come face to face with four semi to super pissed Avengers.

"Fury," Steve was the first one to break the silence; and sensing that the four had probably heard it all, Fury lost the defensiveness in his stance and took a deep breath.

"Yeah, I didn't tell any of you because she didn't want me to," he was eyeing Bucky now, who had a tight squared jaw.

"How long have you known?" He raised an eyebrow, stepping in front of Steve.

"She came to me three months back, didn't know where else to go." He stopped speaking for a split second and then, in a low voice, almost grumbled under his breath, "I told her it is always a bad idea to hook up with a colleague; look where it landed her. First, it got her married to a fucking HYDRA dick, and second, it got her pregnant with a super soldier's spawn. When does she ever listen? And you, don't even get me started. You were the bastard that knocked her up."

"Come on, Fury. That's just harsh," Natasha chimed in.

"Guys, can I talk?"

Steve, Fury, Bucky and Natasha turned towards Sam and they gave him a quizzical expression, while Bucky just glared at him.

"The thing is, those coordinates, that hacked details, what the hell was that?"

Fury's eyes widened and he clenched his fists tighter against his side, stepping closer towards Sam, "What coordinates? What hacking?"

"It looked like someone hacked into the HYDRA system, we found these coordinates, and that's why we found out the secrets that you were hiding Fury," Natasha defended Sam immediately, as she winked playfully at Bucky. This is when Fury suddenly turned, pulling out his gun, and began sprinting towards the back entrance; as quickly as his legs could carry him, bolting down the lab.

"Where the hell are you going?" Bucky followed his pace with his own grueling pace, managing to reach him in a split second, and so did the other three.

"Those hackers weren't hacking from HYDRA. It was most probably HYDRA getting into our systems, the non official ones, to find her. They've landed on a jackpot, a freaking Winter Soldier baby. And if what you're saying is true, they're here already, and Y/N is probably in trouble."

Meanwhile, this wasn't supposed to happen, not again.

No one knew of this place, then who were these men?

You slowly slid your palm into your shrug, pulling out your loaded gun. You were pregnant, but you definitely weren't a damsel in distress, and if need arose, you were going to fight the HYDRA scum. Your mind was already working on the calculations; there were four of them, and maybe, there were more. They had a plus one on you, but yet, you had an edge. They couldn't hurt you, if what they really wanted was your child.

"Никто не должен умирать. Пожалуйста, пойдем с нами, и мы не причиним тебе вреда." One of them stepped towards you, and instinctively you stepped one step back, raising your gun in the air, until you were in a face off.

"Sorry, gentlemen, I don't do Russian, my mum did nag me to learn it, but unfortunately, I never did. Can we switch to good ol' English now?" You hissed, venom in your voice.

"Miss Y/N. Let's not do that, shall we? One squeeze of a trigger from either you or my men, it's going to be a disaster," the man spoke in thick Russian accent, and you rolled your eyes, trying to look through this man's mask. This was where you made a mistake. They had orders not to kill you, but not to not hurt you. You dropped your guard for one second when this man spoke, but just when this happened, the bullet from another man's gun hit you right on your palm and your gun dropped; clattering to the ground with a loud noise, leaving your palm in a stinging, burning pain, blood spurting out of the hole the bullet had made right in the center.

In that frozen second between the stand off you saw the man's eyes flick from you to your belly and a faint nod passed between him and his men, a sort of a signal. Your faces are unreadable, no fear, no invitational smirk, just plain hatred in your eyes, and passiveness in his. One of them suddenly lunged forward, when your reflexes kicked in, and you immediately ducked, this proving to be much more difficult now. You threw out your leg, kicking the man hard in his shins until he hit the floor hard with the blow, when another one lunged at you, trying to grab you.

Punches, kicks, hard blows.

You had lost to them once, and had been unable to protect your son, but this time, you were not planning on letting history repeat. You were going to fight, for your life, and you were going to protect this child, no matter what it took.

          ╞═════𖠁𐂃𖠁═════╡

The four men and one woman soared through the hallway at the back, their guns blazing as they ran towards the back entrance from where you had just left, minutes back. Gunshots rang out from all around them now, which meant that Fury was right; HYDRA was here and you were in danger. Bucky could feel his heart beat in his chest, pounding, banging, trying to get out. He kept running forward and ahead of the others, feeling as though his blood were on fire. His limbs were moving on their own. He was disconnected from everything but the ever present sound of his drumming heart as he kicked the back door with his foot, watching it fly off its hinges and land a distance away with a crash.

The first thing their eyes fell on were the black uniformed corpses that were spread out evenly on the floor; two with a bullet mark, and two who had a gruesome bite on the side of the neck and the other one probably having had snapped his neck. But within seconds, Natasha's eyes had spotted you in a corner, sitting against the floor, your head resting against the wall at the back, your bleeding hand pressed against your chest.

Your eyes were open, your mind was awake and alert, but the adrenaline of it all was too much. You felt liberated, and free, that finally, you had managed to something you had failed in. You had, for now, saved yourself. And it was all on you.

The rest of the Avengers crowded around you, Natasha kneeling next to you as she shook you gently, her voice soft against your ears, "Are you okay? You took them out yourself?"

"Yea, I'm peachy."

Your smirk reached your eye, and everyone, including Bucky, gave you a smile back; they were all relieved. You placed your palms on the floor, in an attempt to pull yourself back up when Bucky suddenly stepped forward, leaning over you.

Your eyes met his, the second his eyes were face level with yours. The blue in his eyes looked bluer than the ocean. Six months, and you had forgotten how beautiful this man was, how beautiful, yet how broken. You placed your arm around his neck, a mutual understanding passing between the two of you, and the minute he sensed that you were securely latched to his shoulder, his metal arm held you from your waist, pulling you up to your feet until you were back up.

"Buck, we should all get back. Before they come back in more force," Steve commented, breaking the moment between the two of you.

"Well, this was nice," you drawled, absentmindedly, your hand flying up to your frenzied hair as you started curling your index finger against one of the strands. "I should leave."

"The only place you're going now is the Avengers Towers," Bucky crossed his arms over his chest, looking down at you.

"Did I ask you? You don't have a say in this."

"Jesus, not the two of you again." Natasha sighed, in a frustrated way, running her hands through her hair as she walked off.

"Well, that's my kid in there. I won't take a no. Now, you can voluntarily choose to come with me, back where you should be or–" He took a step closer to you, his face bent slightly so he was glaring into your eyes, not with anger, but with a look of determination.

"Or, what?"

"I'll lift you up and carry you there myself."

Permanent Bucky Barnes Taglist :

@really-dont-forget-it

@thepeakygurl

@all-art-is-quite-useless

@baumarvel

@janajjj

@chipilerendi

@nyotamalfoy

@skittychat

@allidoiswritewritewrite

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