#and if i fall asleep i'll wake up groggy and sickly and miserable
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venting real quick
#tw alcohol#sooooooo I feel nothing lmao#i'm hollow and emotionless and empty#spent all day just wasting and waiting for time to pass#my heart is tired. my soul has been drained.#going to bed and calling it a night to escape this wretched state is an option#but i'm not sleepy in the slightest and i don't want to go lay down#and it's still pretty early#so if i go to bed i'll just be wasting even more time and feeling miserable#and if i fall asleep i'll wake up groggy and sickly and miserable#so me - being a very rational human fully in control of herself - ams seriously considering just getting a bit tipsy to pass time#maybe watch some dumb show to forget about my misery for like an hour or so#i know i shouldn't cause health or whatever#plus i have a meeting at 10am tomorrow and i've been having trouble getting up in the morning#PLUS tomorrow i'm finally gonna meet up with the student's office to discuss my special needs status#and what options I have to not have this school year completely ruin me#oh yeah right this september i applied for and got accepted to have special needs status for mental health reasons!!!!#(my university especializes in psychology and they - on paper - can grant the status to students with chronic mental health#that suffers from a chronic mental illness that's considered very severe that is frequently debilitating)#that significantly affects their academic experience)#both of which are my case. it's not very common tho so I'm fortunate they accepted me for the status!!)#anyway the council was supposed to inform my raging bitch of an advisor that i have the status#so we could write down a schedule that would better fit my needs#thing is she seems to have no idea#and I haven't brought it up yet#because 1.) i don't know how to#and 2.) i'm constantly scared she'll think i'm like. leaning on my status too much or throwing a “pity party” or something#which - objetively speaking - is a bit of a silly thought because my uni has given me the status because (cont.)#they felt it was fair and reasonable and that I have the right to have an uni experience that better fits my needs#BUT THAT'S THE THING LIKE there's this looming feeling in the back of my head that gives me massive imposter syndrome
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