#and if I can come up with something I'm unsatisfied or it's legit not good. equates to getting nothing done at all

[aberooski]

The problem is that I've only been writing when I've gotten really depressed lately which thankfully hasn't happened in a little while now but now I can't find it in me to write much anymore. I'm also just suffering through a major creative block and I can't really do much of anything, and when I manage to try and write or draw something new I hate it and delete it. How do you guys break through blocks like this? Could really use some ideas 🥲

[mistyscenter]

I have been a hater lately so I'm changing that up.

I have my grievances with Baxter dlc, I admit, but I don't hate it I think it's wasted potential which is unfortunate because Baxter is an extremely interesting character.

He's out of place in the our life universe because of how messy he is, the OL universe is very idealistic so Baxter is the more down to earth character that we have in a realistic sense.

I genuinely feel like in order to appreciate Baxter as a character you have to appreciate the absolute mess that he is, not only as a character but as a dlc as well, because again my issues with his dlc is that is a hot mess and it doesn't even know what it wants to do, especially with the lack of choice on the players part. Something that is especially clear in his step 4 and I do genuinely think his step 4 is the whole reason why this dlc left me unsatisfied, because step 3 was such an amazing build up.

We get to know him and how he is as a person, how he constantly feels like he has to put this charming mask and being embarrassed of his more human side, that's one of the reasons why drinks is one of my favorite moments, and we also get to see that due of this façade he feels the need to keep his relationships at an arm distance, hence why he cut out everyone from golden grove, and also why I adore planning. So when the break up happens is both heartbreaking but somehow foreshadowed, and that is so interesting to see on a writing stand point because we knew that he would cut us off, now we just know why.

And then....step 4 comes in ...and...

It is just, it's really messy, especially because Baxter in the wedding dlc was willing to start over so... seeing him ignore mc and projecting what he thinks mc thinks of him was, so disappointing.

This whole dlc is just so disappointing to me because the hype was there!! We had an extremely interesting character that cuts you off, that you can break up with, you can have legit drama in this except....no you don't. Because mc has little to no agency In his dlc, because Kab didn't finish writing this and had someone else finishing it for her, because he feels off as an our life character since he was originally an xoxo droplet character, and also because conflict in our life is always kinda awkward .

I think another reason why step 4 didn't work, is because it's clearly meant to be played as a romantic route when the game advertises itself as being able to do both, but you can't in his dlc and worse of all you guys can't leave each other as just acquaintances. I get that Is the game mechanic but I also think Baxter should have been the exception because he's not ready to be in a romantic relationship.

I played my first run on a romantic relationship and it felt odd, it felt fast, with cove and derek is easier because you've known them for years, you've known Baxter for 3 months after he breaks your heart and he hasn't changed a bit on how his ways.

And again is just really really disappointing because Baxter is such an interesting character to analyze because he's an absolute loser who thinks he's punk but he's not, and who clearly has issues but doesn't know how to handle them AND THEN YOU SEE THE FANDOM NOT SEEING THE ABSOLUTE MESS THAT HE IS AS A CHARACTER AND JUST MAKES HIM THIS DOM DADDY PERSONALITY, and it's so disheartening because I remember when the dlc first dropped everyone was making fun of him, then something changed and suddenly everyone praises his mediocre ass, not for being mediocre but because everyone thinks he's hot and is just 😟

I hate it because writing his dynamic with Pandora and Taliyah (my mcs hi) is so so interesting and makes me explore more things about their personalities, so I just hate that the canon is the way that it is when I know Kab can write good shit and this...felt kinda mid

[this-nightmare-doesnt-exist-yet]

I found one of my comic roughs from the camp thrasher thing.

I might actually redraw and finish it as a short one page clip. While I don't think I have the energy at the moment to do the full original short story that I had planned the scene that I have is too unsettling to leave undone.

I still think about the camp story world even though most have probably already forgotten about it in favor of more fandom driven projects.

I've been using some similar world themes in the Wild Flowers world but it's not quite there yet. I think a key part of why the camp thing has stuck with me is that as a side effect of its origins the core focus is connection vs isolation. It's already something that I think a lot about, so it's not surprising that where there is a lore with meat to it I have something to work with and gnaw on.

I've been hesitant about working on it because I still have some internalized nonsense about how some of my works have branched out from doing overly complex fan art.

Like somehow people expect all valuable artwork to come from nowhere, like immaculate conception.

But that's like saying that farming isn't legit unless you have hay bails over one night. The vast majority of the time you need seeds to even get started, and when weeds spring up over time you pull them out.

Much like the ship of Theseus, it's as if people know where things started then they will have the false assumption that it is the same thing by the end even if all parts are replaced.

So maybe the issue isn't that I am alone but rather that I feel like if I work alone then my work somehow has less external value due to a smaller idea source pool.

The idea that so long as I am alone with my thoughts everything that I do will be fan fiction in one way or another. It's bullshit, everybody gets inspiration from somewhere. It still hurts though when people ask how I came up with a thing and they grow a look of disappointment when I tell the truth.

I'm sorry to ruin the magic with facts but most art is made by fans of things, not gods pulling from nothing.

While the work may have lost it's status as being a fan fic it will always carry the mark of being fan art.

So I am left unsatisfied with anything that has cultural roots and feel the need to do the near impossible task of making everything from scratch, every little thing.

I hate having to lie to maintain the idealistic facade that the unaware project onto things.

I just want to make things without having to deal with the expectation of it being good.

If somebody likes it that's great, but that's not its intended purpose. The intent is often just to make something, often regardless of quality. I can make good art sometimes but please don't expect everything that is made to be good. The act of creation doesn't have to center around having a consumer.

I post art sometimes but the truth is that most of what I make goes unseen by eyes other than my own. The fact that I bother to share any of it is a separate process from the one of creation. Sharing my work is like when I find a cool rock out in the woods and I know that someone else would think it's cool too.

Sometimes it's fun to just enjoy things without it having to have a bigger purpose.