#and if I can come up with something I'm unsatisfied or it's legit not good. equates to getting nothing done at all

[this-nightmare-doesnt-exist-yet]

I found one of my comic roughs from the camp thrasher thing.

I might actually redraw and finish it as a short one page clip. While I don't think I have the energy at the moment to do the full original short story that I had planned the scene that I have is too unsettling to leave undone.

I still think about the camp story world even though most have probably already forgotten about it in favor of more fandom driven projects.

I've been using some similar world themes in the Wild Flowers world but it's not quite there yet. I think a key part of why the camp thing has stuck with me is that as a side effect of its origins the core focus is connection vs isolation. It's already something that I think a lot about, so it's not surprising that where there is a lore with meat to it I have something to work with and gnaw on.

I've been hesitant about working on it because I still have some internalized nonsense about how some of my works have branched out from doing overly complex fan art.

Like somehow people expect all valuable artwork to come from nowhere, like immaculate conception.

But that's like saying that farming isn't legit unless you have hay bails over one night. The vast majority of the time you need seeds to even get started, and when weeds spring up over time you pull them out.

Much like the ship of Theseus, it's as if people know where things started then they will have the false assumption that it is the same thing by the end even if all parts are replaced.

So maybe the issue isn't that I am alone but rather that I feel like if I work alone then my work somehow has less external value due to a smaller idea source pool.

The idea that so long as I am alone with my thoughts everything that I do will be fan fiction in one way or another. It's bullshit, everybody gets inspiration from somewhere. It still hurts though when people ask how I came up with a thing and they grow a look of disappointment when I tell the truth.

I'm sorry to ruin the magic with facts but most art is made by fans of things, not gods pulling from nothing.

While the work may have lost it's status as being a fan fic it will always carry the mark of being fan art.

So I am left unsatisfied with anything that has cultural roots and feel the need to do the near impossible task of making everything from scratch, every little thing.

I hate having to lie to maintain the idealistic facade that the unaware project onto things.

I just want to make things without having to deal with the expectation of it being good.

If somebody likes it that's great, but that's not its intended purpose. The intent is often just to make something, often regardless of quality. I can make good art sometimes but please don't expect everything that is made to be good. The act of creation doesn't have to center around having a consumer.

I post art sometimes but the truth is that most of what I make goes unseen by eyes other than my own. The fact that I bother to share any of it is a separate process from the one of creation. Sharing my work is like when I find a cool rock out in the woods and I know that someone else would think it's cool too.

Sometimes it's fun to just enjoy things without it having to have a bigger purpose.