#and idk this is also Ty's sort of beginning journey to thinking about himself more?

[tylermagnusenvest]

He was spending more and more time in Manchester lately. Both of his jobs started in either the afternoon or the evening, for the better part of his day he didn’t have much to do, back at the castle he would’ve spent his free time curled up in the library with a stack of books and hours of quiet. Tyler didn’t read much at the house. He found he couldn’t concentrate, feeling sometimes as though he couldn’t sit still when he was there, settling filled him with an irritation he could only overcome if he pushed himself to be constantly moving or simply left. London was too known to him though, his family were deeply rooted in it, he longed to find places for himself where his mind was at ease and he could actually take in what he read. It seemed silly to work in a city that he knew next to nothing about, his family would never venture to somewhere that had such a reputation for disruption, and he had hours every day to himself that he saw fit to make better use of.

There was a different feeling to Manchester than London, one Tyler couldn’t quite put into words but one he liked. It was busy, the cities were the same in that respect, there was constant movement in every nook and cranny, the people never seemed to settle and even when they did everything around them moved at a continuous pace. He didn’t go very far on his first day, he walked the length of Canal Street, took in the array of buildings and their names, caught himself smiling when a rainbow tile in the floor caught his attention. There was a lot to take in on Canal Street if you looked closely, on the side of one building was a huge piece of art, it showed two heroes wrapped up in each other’s arms, he knew one to be Batman and perhaps the other Superman- he was not overly familiar with comics or their heroes- with the latter’s arms wrapped tight around the former’s neck. Their mouths were locked and beside them were the very bluntly put ‘kiss’, ‘kiss’ flashes. He’d missed it on the walk down the street, having started where Under Street began, but on the way back it caused him to momentarily stop and grin. The characters themselves meant very little to him but the unashamed display of their affection filled him with a comfortable warmth. It confirmed to him that his family wouldn’t find him here. It made him feel safe. That’s all he’d done the first time, walk all the way along Canal Street and back. The next time he went to explore he ventured off slightly, took the next bridge along Canal Street down to alongside the small park where the Alan Turning Memorial stood. It had Alan Turning himself (a statue of him, of course) sat upon a bench. Tyler had sat on another bench and read for a while, people passed through and by, sometimes they stopped by the memorial and Tyler would glance up when they did so. He didn’t know much about Alan Turning, only that he was a historically important gay man, he made a note to himself to do more research on him if he planned to keep sharing the park with him. It seemed only polite.

He ventured as far as Piccadilly Gardens the next time, he didn’t quite know what to expect from the name but it was different than he’d pictured. There wasn’t really too much garden to see, the space was surrounded by shops on all sides but opened up in the centre. A bridge ran through it, on the side from which he approached there was a round space set up with stone seating all around the edge, it might’ve been November but regardless the round stage surprised him when shoots of water burst from the stone and into the air. There had to be at least twenty of the fountains, reaching different heights, they’d shoot up from the stone for a while and then disappear to nothing more than soft bubbles at the base, only to shoot up again a few minutes later. He walked around to the bridge and watched them for a while. At some point a child and their parents passed, with some determination they asked if they could go into the fountains, the idea dismissed with a promise of returning when the weather was warmer. Huh. So people were actually allowed in them? Just on the other side of the bridge there was a space that, Tyler would discover a day or so later, was sometimes set up with temporary huts from which all kinds of food was sold to those who past. He had yet to figure out the pattern of when they would appear but whenever they did he liked to walk directly between them, it was busier to do so than to cut around, but when you did the air was sweet with everything the stalls had to offer and he enjoyed imagining what each think would taste like and promising himself he would actually stop and buy something one day.

Market Street ran directly off Piccadilly Gardens in an easy-to-navigate straight line. It was very busy on Market Street. The shops that lined either side were huge with two-three floors to each of them. Between every few there’d be a well-placed coffee shop or bank, both he imagined people needed a lot of in a place where there was so many options to purchase. Market Street is where he first saw the trams. Trams, Tyler decided, were completely bizarre and yet incredibly clever. They were like trains for the streets, every now and again you’d come across tracks sunk into the ground and would have to stop and check both directions lest you cause a commotion. Market Street had a large tram stop running directly down the middle, raised above the ground like some strange stage, where people mulled about and awaited their transport. He had yet to go on a tram- not really sure where they went or whether he’d ever need to- but regardless he thought they were brilliant when he came across them. In general, he had mixed feelings about Market Street. It was glaringly modern but not in a good way, the shops were all large chains and it wasn’t easy to walk at a consistent pace when people were cutting in and out of them every few steps. There were parts of it, however, that were oddly charming. Like how the walkway turned to cobble stone once you made it over the crossing, how there were often musicians busking in the centre, one moment someone strumming an acoustic guitar and the next another on a violin. He also liked the approach to the Arndale, it was not the prettiest of places from the outside but there was something amusing about the way an escalator reached down to the street and summoned people up towards the food court. He liked how if you continued past you were technically walking directly under it. There was a Costa there, under the shelter, that he grew fond of the moment he set foot inside. Unlike other locations of the same chain, it was not nearly as busy, the food and drinks were expensive but not as much as Starbucks and you got more for your money too. What he liked most of all was the downstairs, how the shop descended from street level to converted basement area that acted as a secondary seating area. It was always quiet down there, the colours were bold and modern but with a pot of tea and a slice of cake, he felt very at home when he went there. The first time he stopped by, he read for hours.

His favourite parts to explore, however, were a little diverted from the busy bustle of Piccadilly and all that spread from it. Technically it was only a few streets away but as you moved from the central shopping district everything changed. Once you hit Cross Street there were lots of new places to explore, going right would lead him down Corporation Street towards the Print Works and Exchange Square. The buildings there were equally as huge as the ones on Market Street but the architecture was vastly different, steering away from modern, industrial builds to large statements with stone carvings on the outside. Only a street away from there was Manchester Cathedral, grand and gorgeous, Tyler had never been drawn to any kind of religion but even from the outside there was something hopeful about the building. It felt safe. He could see why so many people would believe in something greater than themselves, something to guide them and something to talk to, with more answers and less worries than them. Alternatively you could carry straight on at Cross Street, not left down the street itself or right towards the Print Works, you could continue on and take the next left to cut through St Anne’s Square. It was a beautiful little spot, with a fountain and a statue, an entrance to the Royal Exchange Theatre and at the other end was St Anne’s Church itself. Everything here looked different, the buildings took upon a look of grandeur, when you cut down onto Deansgate it was clear that everything around the area was meant to be better here. There was a higher standard of stores, or architecture, the intense bustle of Market Street shifted to a consistent flow of people coming and going as they pleased but paying more mind to where they cut in or where they stopped to chat.

And, of course, Deansgate had the library. John Rylands Library. When Tyler walked past it the first time he thought it a church, that was the way the architecture seemed, with spires and dark bricks demanding attention in a street that already offered so much to see. He caught sight of the sign on the door as he passed and couldn’t quite believe it- a library, here?- and was disappointed to see the gates closed and the building seemingly inaccessible. A few strides later the pavement opened up to the side, he followed the new expanse of smooth paving and saw, to his pure delight, that attached to the side of the magnificent, old build was a slick, modern entrance hall. He walked along the sides of the building with butterflies in his chest, he wasn’t entirely sure how any of this worked, he’d never been to a library that wasn’t completely open to him and didn’t even know how to ask. The modern entrance wasn’t particularly large but it did have a welcome desk, a small area with items for sale (literature themed, of course) and a small area where you could buy coffee or a snack. He peered to the large square arch where instructions read ‘no flash photography’ and must have been looking particularly curious because a woman from the welcome desk strode around to meet him and assured him with a smile, “you can go right in, there’s stairs or an elevator, feel free to take pictures as you look around but we don’t allow flash photography in case it damages any of the exhibits.” Tyler nodded and thanked her and took the stairs around the corner. Crisp white walls, the structure of the modern extension, was suddenly replaced by dark brick. Tyler stilled on the threshold. It looked like Hogwarts. The curved windows, the old stone floors, the long corridors and intricate stone arches connecting in the ceiling above. He took a few careful steps and when he noticed a door in the corridor he went through it. It wasn’t just books, in the centre of the rooms were glass cases and within them were letters and notes and sketches from people long dead, preserved and kept safe in the heart of this beautiful building. He followed each room through, growing more pleased with each, stopping to read small snippets of information about where the displays came from, his curiosity never satisfied. The staircase was incredible, when he reached it he needed a moment to catch his breath, mouth agape as he tipped his head back and tried to take in each arch of the ceiling and spill of light from the windows. His favourite part of all was the main reading room. To reach it you had to ascend the stairs, you stepped through into a space much larger than any before it, display cases were set in the centre of the room but along each side were small reading alcoves, each had it’s own desk with every wall acting as a full book case. Above these alcoves was a second level, from the floor he couldn’t see into them but he longed to be up there, found his eyes drawn up to the expanse of ceiling as he walked along the length of the room. The details were too much to take in. There were busts of writers and teachers set into the architecture, quotes from them etched into the stone, at the far end of the room was a huge arched stained-glass window. It was a worship-place for reading. Tyler looked around it three times on his first visit and when he reluctantly had to leave he took an information booklet from the front desk and thanked them whole-heartedly for his visit.

He had a list now of places he intended to visit, he wanted to see Central Library too and the Town Hall, Albert Square and the Art Gallery. He wanted to explore the Arndale and it’s many shops and places to eat, walk through the Print Works and see a film at the cinema there. He wanted to find all the small bookshops tucked away down side streets, explore further and further each day until the city was not a stranger to him or him to it. He wanted to belong somewhere, to know it and be known, to not spend any more years of his life treading carefully and worrying about where he was allowed to go and what he was allowed to do. He wanted to be allowed to want for himself.

[almaasi]

yoooooooooo, I’m in need of a beta (or betas) for my Garak/Bashir fics since all my usual proofreaders are busy.

summaries/warnings for 4 completed fics are listed under the cut. total word count is 111k+. all are rated ‘explicit’ except for one ‘mature’.

my previous fics are here if you want to know how I write.

preferably I’m looking for someone who can beta all of them, and more fics that come after this, but anyone who can do a one-off is cool too. I definitely want someone who’s good at suggesting things in the name of intersectional feminism and reader sensitivity! or just questioning things and commenting in general. catching typos or confusing sentences would be a huge bonus but that’s not my priority~

please share this with people you think might be interested!!!

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fics listed longest first, not necessarily the ideal posting order. some of these have been lightly or partially beta’d already.

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1. The Wolf Who Cried Doctor

Elim Garak/Julian Bashir, Julian Bashir & Ezri Dax

55k, Explicit

Garak is certain: any day now, Julian will discover that the most frequent visitor to DS9’s Infirmary has been going out of his way to fake, cause, and invite harm unto himself in order to gain his dear doctor’s attention. Garak cheerfully tells his lies with just enough variation to remain interesting, but remains afraid that one day Julian won’t believe him when there’s really something wrong.

But Julian is already aware there’s a problem. And the best treatment for an acute case of touch-starved loneliness, he believes, is to provide Garak with as much physical affection and emotional care as possible. It’s not like Julian couldn’t do with some company himself, given how his relationship with Ezri has been fraying.

But neither Julian nor Garak envisioned what could come of it all. Neither of them ever prepared for bliss.

(A post-canon fic where Garak comes back to DS9 and feelings happen.)

Tags: non-endgame pairing:, Julian Bashir/Ezri Dax, side pairings: Ezri Dax/Kira Nerys, Kira Nerys/Keiko O'Brien/Miles O'Brien, Romance, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Happy Ending, Angst, Self-Harm, Depression, Mutual Pining, Friends to Lovers, (Julian and Garak), Lovers to Friends, (Julian and Ezri), Sharing a Bed, Cuddling & Snuggling, Massage, Holding Hands, First Kiss, Touch-Starved Elim Garak, Lonely Elim Garak, Jealous Elim Garak, Garak is the quadrant’s most melodramatic drama queen, Lonely Julian Bashir, Bisexual Julian Bashir, Julian’s Foot Fetish, Ezri Ships It, Supportive Ezri Dax, Matchmaker Ezri Dax, Love Triangle, except it’s a tangle of lines, Polyamory, Communication is Hard but Vital, Replicator Malfunctions, Space Station Antics, First Time, Bottom Julian Bashir, Top Elim Garak

Warnings: Garak self-harms (nothing gory or graphic - just hot tea + gravity, improper handling of sewing tools, baiting others to use brute force, purposefully ingesting questionable foodstuffs; scars from past cutting) - but for most of the story he doesn’t think his actions are troublesome, merely viewing self-harm as a means to an end to acquire the physical comfort and emotional attention that he craves from Julian. (Disclaimer: I’m aware this is not the only reason real people might self-harm, but it’s Garak’s reason.)

Unspecific suicidal ideation (Julian tells Garak off and Garak’s like “welp! guess I’ll die now”). Both Garak and Julian are wildly depressed and lonely - and I swear that Ezri, the O’Briens, and I are trying our darnedest to rescue them, but they both have a tendency to spiral into a vortex of doom without talking to anyone about it, so it’s not the easiest thing to do. >:|

Foot fetish is mild but... y’know, present. (Oh, Julian.)

Regarding polyamory/love triangle tags (spoilers ahead!): Julian loves Ezri A LOT but doesn’t realise it’s in a platonic friendship way, and privately ties himself in knots over not being sexually or romantically attracted to her anymore (if he ever was to begin with). Much panicking about unintentional cheating happens, because he’s accidentally in love with Garak while dating Ezri - except (more spoilers) Ezri is trying to set him up with Garak anyway. Ezri is totally poly and way more chill than 99% of people would be in her position. Past Kira/Keiko/Miles.

Special note I mentioned to current betas: you should probably know that i feel some sort of divided way about how ezri is SO accepting of julian's disaster sexuality, because a) i've never once seen any character react like that, ever, in anything fictional or real (potentially bc of lack of bi and poly rep), and b) her reactions are based on how i would react in her place??? (note that i'm aro, ace, and bi, (well that's simplified) so if i was in a relationship with julian it would definitely be platonic but me being madly attracted to him despite that) so it's like... really personal but also i'm worried nobody would relate and would say i made her a pushover. so any pointers you have there would be lovely <3

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2. Runabout Rollabout

Elim Garak/Julian Bashir

23.5k, Explicit

Julian Bashir, Elim Garak, Keiko O’Brien, Kasidy Yates, Kira Nerys, Ezri Dax (mentioned)

Eight months after the war ends, Julian invites Garak on a pollen-harvesting trip to Bajor. Distracted by the delight of seeing his friend after so long, Garak gets himself blasted with hormone-altering pollen, and is forced to ride out the repercussions on the runabout journey back to DS9. Symptoms include mood swings, unusual food cravings, and an urgent need for emotional assurance and physical contact. Julian is glad to offer relief, in whatever manner Garak requires. Even in the most intimate of ways...

Secretly, they both hope their brief affair in the runabout’s bottom bunk will lead to something more. But how could it, when duty forever trumps desire?

Tags: Post-Canon, Romance, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Porn With Plot, Mutual Pining, Sex Pollen, Mood Swings, Hormones, Cuddling & Snuggling, Public Display of Affection, Smut, Explicit Consent, First Kiss, Caring Julian Bashir, Hormonal Elim Garak, Horny Elim Garak, First Time, Anal Sex, Top Elim Garak, Bottom Julian Bashir, but they do switch briefly, Post-Canon Bajor, Post-Canon Cardassia, Illustrated

Notes: FYI, Julian and Ezri are no longer a couple. How that happened is discussed late in the fic, but Garak thinks they’re still dating when he and Julian sleep together for medical reasons. (Julian is NOT cheating, but Garak guiltily believes he is.)

This one’s probably an easy edit tbh. But I’m still questioning that ^ Garak-thinks-Julian-seeing-Ezri thing, so anyone who can tell me if it feels right, if I need to edit it, or if I should take it out, would be great.

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3. Tail Over Heels

Elim Garak/Julian Bashir

Julian Bashir, Elim Garak, Amsha Bashir, Benjamin Sisko, Ezri Dax, Miles O’Brien, Kira Nerys, and everyone else

19.9k, Mature

Despite every attempt to deter her, Julian’s mother is coming to DS9. Here’s the problem: Julian told her he was married, and he’s not. Here’s the solution: Garak stands in as Julian’s husband. She’s meant to hate him. But Garak is just too damn likable - and a liiiittle too convincing in the role of Julian’s lover. Not only does his mother believe the lie, but so does everyone else on the station. Even Julian himself is starting to wonder...

Tags: Romance, Fluff, Fake Marriage, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Mistaken For A Couple, Moving In Together, Roommates, Sharing a Bed, Cuddling & Snuggling, Holding Hands, Eavesdropping, Bickering, Cardassian Flirting, First Kiss, First Time, Garak has a tail, Slightly Alternate Canon, set mid season 7, or an alternate post-canon where nobody leaves

Note: This one’s the oldest and closest to being publishable, and already illustrated and lightly beta’d, so this will likely post first, before the end of March 2020. But it definitely needs another going-over.

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4. Code for Consent

Elim Garak/Julian Bashir

13k, Explicit

Julian Bashir, Elim Garak, Miles O’Brien, Keiko O’Brien

With Miles away, Julian needs someone else to play the evil villain in his secret agent holosuite program. Garak steps up. But tying Julian to a bedpost and fake-torturing him turns out to be an accidental turn-on for both of them. Julian doesn’t want to break character, so allows Garak to escalate his erotic domination towards the point of no return - yet Garak won’t go any further with their roleplay without clear consent. Now Julian has to figure out a way to show Garak he wants him without saying it outright. (But then again, maybe saying it matters.)

Tags: Smut, Romance, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Holodecks/Holosuites, Roleplay, Cardassian Flirting, Accidental Stimulation, Light Bondage, Choking, Light Knifeplay, Consensual Non-Consent, Rape Roleplay, (foreplay only) - soon followed by:, Explicit Consent, Holding Hands, Making Love, Schmoop, Top Elim Garak, Bottom Julian Bashir, set late season 6

Note: Nobody’s read this yet so idk how it comes across to other people, which worries me. Something about it doesn’t sit right with me but I can’t figure it out and need help with that :/

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If you’re interested in helping, please submit me a tumblr message at https://almaasi.tumblr.com/submit with your name, pronouns, a statement of your interest and email address (gmail preferred) so I can add you to google docs if I pick you c:

(also maybe a timeframe of when you’d be able to beta. starting any time in the next couple of weeks is fine.)

(disclaimer to people with anxiety: I welcome anyone <3 if you want to say hi, PLEASE DO. I reserve the right not to pick you for any number of secret reasons, and I might not reply quickly, or at all, because I have chronic fatigue and messages are A Lot for me, but it doesn’t mean I don’t like you or you did something wrong!! promise.)