#and i've set up a queue for while i'm gone

[soaps-mohawk]

I'm going to be honest

I'm having a genuinely hard time making this post. I've been fighting with it for a couple weeks now, but I think it's time I finally make it.

I'm not having fun on this blog anymore.

It sounds bad, but honestly, it kind of is.

I think a lot of it started from the very beginning with the precedence and expectations I put on myself. I've always tried to respond to every comment I get. Even from the beginning. It's just a polite thing to do since those who leave comments took the time to write out what they think of my fic, even if it's just a keysmash. I've always felt the need to thank those who leave comments or reblog my writing or (now that tumblr has it) replied to my fics. It worked fine before because none of my fics were particularly popular. Even my most popular fic (at that time) didn't get as much attention as CRCB has. I've never had a "big blog" before, nor a fic as popular as CRCB has gotten.

It was fine at first, responding to everyone, engaging with everyone. I was riding that high of omg so many people are reading and enjoying my fic! I've never had anything quite like this before.

Now...it just feels more like a chore. I set this precedence on this blog that I respond to everyone and I know a lot of people have said that they're surprised I responded to them and to everyone, and now I'm getting why a lot of writers don't. I'm exhausted. I feel like I've just been robotically saying the same thing over and over trying to respond to people now. I used to love seeing asks in my inbox and reblogs and replies but now? All I feel is dread because I have to respond to all of those.

Turning anon off was a big help. It lessened the sheer volume of asks I was getting a day. And while I do feel bad for all of my anons who prefer to stay anons, with everything that happened (the multiple incidents) with anon that kind of started to suck the joy out of everything. That paired with the obsessive need to constantly have my inbox cleared and make sure everyone gets a response...I can understand now too why big blogs will have 200+ asks in their inbox. It's hard and it's exhausting and I'm burning out.

First it was the fic that was burning me out. Things have gone on far longer than I planned and I just wasn't prepared for this fic to go on and for a while there it was dragging. I'll admit that. If I could go back, I'd speed up a few things, but it's done, it's posted there's no going back. I kind of hoped I would have the mental capacity to upload more than once a week too, but I just couldn't. I still can't.

I've come to dread posting chapters because I know I'm going to have to reply and respond to everyone. The only thing keeping me posting is the fact that we're in the part of the story I've been excited about since the beginning and also because I keep leaving everyone on cliffhangers and I love torturing y'all with all of them.

So that being said, this is in no way to shame anyone for interacting with me, anyone leaving comments or replies or sending asks. Don't feel bad about doing it please. I appreciate all of you that have engaged with me and it really means so much to me. Honestly, earlier this year, if I didn't have this fic and everyone on this blog, I might not have made it to now. It's been a really rough year and it's still going to be into next year. It's just getting to the point where I need a break.

I've needed a break for a long time. I thought taking days off the blog would help, and it did for a couple of weeks, but now even on the days I'm supposed to be on the blog and engaging, I just find myself queueing stuff up and just being offline most of the day still.

I'm tired. That's the best reason I can give. I'm tired and burned out on life and I'm tired and burned out on this blog.

So...I think I need a break. I need to not keep responding to every single reply and reblog every chapter. I need to not force myself to answer every ask right away, no matter how much I want to. I feel bad, but I know everyone would rather have me here and enjoying the blog than forcing myself to interact to the point where I'm dreading it and just robotically repeating myself over and over with every reply and answer and comment.

I won't be pausing the fic, I won't be not uploading. I'll still be posting chapters, I just might not be interacting as much as I have been. It's just putting such a mental strain on me still, even with anon off, even with days off. And with things getting busier for me, it's going to be too much to try and deal with irl stuff and write and try to be super active on the blog. There's going to come a point where I have to sacrifice the writing or the blog and I'd rather sacrifice the blog to keep myself sane, and also to keep trying to finally get this fic done. I love this fic, don't get me wrong, but I'm just burning out.

I'm already burned out in a lot of ways.

I was planning kinktober this year but honestly I'm considering not doing it because I know interaction is going to be insane and it's going to be a lot to keep up on. Plus trying to write that many fics is hard and I'm not sure I have the ability to do it. I have a few done but now I'm just like...is that something I want to do on top of irl stuff and CRCB.

There's just no joy in it anymore. It's not anyone's fault but mine. I put the pressure on myself, I held myself to that standard for this long despite the fact I knew it was draining me. I've tried to push through when I should have prioritized myself. I feel so guilty not responding to everyone. I feel so guilty being a day or two late responding to everyone.

I want to be here and interacting and responding to things but I just can't bring myself to anymore. It's no one's fault, and this is not a drag on anyone, or an attempt to make anyone feel bad or guilty for interacting or sending asks or anything. I'm just airing out the truth and saying what I need to say because I feel like I've been so robotic and lifeless with my responses these last couple weeks and I feel like I need to explain why. It's nothing anyone has done. It's my fault. It's 100% my fault.

Things have just gotten to be too much and it's my fault for forcing myself to be so active. The social battery has dropped into the negatives. I'm not a social person. I can only handle so much interaction and I've pushed so far beyond that, that things have gotten to this point. I want to be here and I want to have fun and I want to use this as an escape but I just don't feel that way about it anymore. It's a chore for me, a job, something I feel like I have to do and it's my fault that I feel that way. It's my own standards and expectations I set on myself, and my expectations on what I think my followers want and deserve and now I feel like I've gone on too long like this that I can't change things without hurting anyone's feelings. I don't want people to think I'm ignoring them in favor of others because I know there's writers out there that do that. They only respond to a certain group and ignore others that comment and reblog. I don't want to make anyone feel like I'm doing that to them and that's now led me to here.

I'm forcing it and I'm tired.

It's been hard these last few weeks. The life has just been draining and draining continuously. The joy and the love I have for this blog and my followers and the interactions and the fic. The last anon bullshit that happened was just kind of the last nail in the coffin so to speak. The straw that broke the camel's back. Things stopped being fun. It made me feel bad (and not in the guilty way, though that was a part of it) and I'm honestly just over it. I'm over the blog, I'm over interacting, I'm over life at this point. August is a hard month for me and every year it seems to get worse and worse. A lot of it is unrelated to anything online and I was going to make a post about it but honestly I just don't want to. Those that know, know. Those that don't...it doesn't matter.

I'm getting annoyed by the blog, I'm getting annoyed every time I look in my notifications and see an ask or a reply or a comment. I'm getting annoyed by some of my followers and that's not fair to you. Everyone always talks about how nice and kind and patient I am when I'm really not. I'm not the person I present myself to be on this blog, the way I mask myself so I can present myself as being a normal, kind human being. The mask is coming off because I'm so tired I can't keep it up anymore. It's happening here and it's happening in real life. I'm tired and I'm frustrated and I'm angry at a lot of things and the last thing I want is to start taking it out on my followers. You don't deserve that, especially when it's not your fault, it's nothing any of you have done. It's all me.

It's not you, it's me.

So for the sake of not burning this whole thing to the ground, I'm going to take a break. I'm not replying to everyone, I'm not responding to every reblog, I won't reply to every ask I get right away, if at all because sometimes I just don't have anything to say in response and I need to learn that's okay. It's nothing against you. It's not aimed at anyone specifically, I'm just trying to put myself first and stop things from escalating. I need a break and I'm going to do something selfish and I'm going to take it.

Don't apologize because it's not your fault. Don't apologize because you think you might have contributed to this because you didn't. It is no one's fault but my own.

I'm the one that needs to apologize to all of you because I've just not been myself because I've been forcing myself to be someone I'm not. I've been very unfair to a lot of people over the last seven months that this blog has been active and I've held a precedent that is not sustainable in the long run and made everyone believe that I was capable of maintaining that kind of interaction when I'm not.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry I've been putting everyone through this. I'm sorry I've been so detached and robotic and ingenuine. I'm sorry I led everyone to believe I'm someone I'm not. I'm sorry I've dragged this on this long that it's gotten to the point that I have to make this post.

I considered just disappearing but that wouldn't be fair to you either. I don't want to put you through that, so I'm pouring all of my thoughts out and making you read through this fucking novel of a post. If you've made it this far, then congrats I guess. Gold metals to you who bothered reading this far.

Anyway, all of that aside, I'll still be posting chapters. I'll have them scheduled and I'll probably come on and add links places to keep things current. I'll respond and reply and answer asks when I feel like it. You don't have to stop sending them, but just don't expect them to be responded to right away anymore. I'll probably still be here reblogging things I want and doing things when I feel like it.

I just need a few weeks to myself. Time I don't have to care about the blog at all and keeping up with it. Anon will remain off for the sake of keeping asshole trolls away, and also so I don't open tumblr and have 200 asks in my inbox after a week. Sorry to my anons but it's just the way it needs to be right now. Maybe once this break is over and I've dealt with irl stuff, I'll consider putting it back on. I just can't after everything I dealt with recently on anon.

It'll be the same on Ao3, for those that follow here and read there. Comments will probably sit for a while. They won't be answered right away anymore unless I get the energy to burn through them. Even then I won't try to answer them all at once like I did this last weekend.

I'll try to reblog something every day so y'all know I'm alright. I don't want y'all to panic and it's not fair to put you through that, especially those that might not see this or bother reading it. Those that follow simply for the fic and nothing else. I'm here, I'm just not...here.

This week's chapter is in the queue to be posted tomorrow as usual. Chapters will still come out as planned since I'm not stopping writing, just taking a break from the blog itself.

Thank you those of you who stuck through to the end here. I appreciate all of you so much. You have no idea. I'm sorry I let things get to this point and I'm sorry to anyone that I've gotten rude or snappy with because I couldn't be selfish and put myself first. I'm sorry to anyone that got a robotic, repeated response to something they were probably excited to share. I'm sorry I've been so unfair to everyone and I hope you can forgive me.

Take care and I'll talk to everyone when I have the energy to.

[professional-yearner]

Can't help falling in love with you 🤍 pt.2

Yandere! Cheater! Clone officer x reader

Series TW!: cheating, mistresses, grief, murder, Evil-ish, being trapped, toxic relationships, forced relationship, obsessive love, obsession, general insanity, manipulation, disloyalty, crybaby Mc, sensitive and a bit whimpy Mc

The waiting was agonizing.

You passed the time washing dishes at the sink, trying not to strain your ears for any sign of the door opening, for his boots scraping against the mat outside.

It couldn't be too far off by now, only a few minutes at most until he got home.

As if on queue, you heard boots coming up the complex stairs, which creaked under his weight.

The key turned in the lock and it felt like someone had drenched you in ice water and shoved you out into the hoth tundra. How were you going to do this?

You hadn't even been married a whole three years, but he had become one of the only people you talked to or saw regularly, you had almost forgotten how to move through the world without him.

Almost.

You'd had to relearn in the past few months with the distance he had put between the two of you. Been set adrift and panicked by someone who you loved, someone who was supposed to love you.

You shook your head, resolve finally breaking as you shook, letting out soft cries.

You didn't dare to look back at him, already picturing his vaguely surprised look at your obvious show of how you had felt all this time, but not sure you could take a confirmation of it.

"I can't do it." You whimpered, gripping the counter.

"Do what?" He asked simply, tone the gentlest you had heard it in a while, but wary.

"This, Steel, this is- bad! This hurts. We need to end this, now."

You turned to him, watching with exhausted resignation as his expression turned from confusion to shock.

"What?" He asked in a small voice, eyes now glued to you like they hadn't been in almost a year as you held yourself, leaning against the sink as you cried.

"I don't know why I've been holding onto this so hard when it's clear it's just… gone. I guess I just-"

You sobbed, losing any hold you had on your emotions.

"I just wanted you to keep loving me, because I love you so much, Steel! But I know I have to let you go now, I need to let you be happy, let us both be happy."

"Wait- Cyare, honey, what are you saying?" He took a step towards you, making you look directly at him, trying not to bawl as you choked out the words you had been preparing to say.

"We need a divorce, Steel. It's obvious you're not happy, I feel abandoned and alone- this marriage is hurting us- both of us."

He closed the distance between the two of you quickly, expression now panicked, much to your surprise. Nonetheless, you shied away when he reached out to touch your shoulder, "Hey, hey, hey, baby- who said I wasn't happy? You're being-"

"Please, Steel, I saw the messages."

You watched the color drain from his face.

"Sweetheart-"

You glared, ducking away from him and heading for the bedroom, "Don't call me that! Please! I'm trying to let you out! Please, stop talking to me like I'm stupid!"

He followed, "No- what are you-"

He stood in the doorway as you pulled you suitcase out of the closet, cursing yourself for bot packing earlier. Putting it on the bed, you slowly began to make your way through the dresser that you shared, placing some clothes in the main compartment.

"I'll stay with Effie while we get things sorted. The apartment was yours to begin with, so I'll- I don't know- I'll figure it out."

You gathered your stuffed animals from the shelves in a daze, dumping them gently in your laundry bag.

"I'll come back for the rest of my things as soon as I find a place, unless you want them out sooner, just- please don't throw anything away."

You could see his hands beginning to shake as you looked back to him for confirmation.

"What?" His voice was light, still seeming in complete disbelief.

You sighed, squeezing your eyes shut tight as you zipped the suitcase, struggling to get it off the bed.

"I want you to be happy, Steel, because I really do love you, and as much as I hate it, that can't be with me."

Not able to stand looking at him anymore, you pushed past him with your luggage, trying quiet your crying as you closed the door to the apartment.

Hailing a cab, you couldn't bare the sight of the complex enough to take a look back for fear of your resolve breaking.

-

You stared at the ring that sat on the nightstand, still hiccuping from your latest crying session since arriving at Effie's.

He had saved up his credits from various betting pools at the 79's to buy it, you had found out from his brothers. Of course, the shimmering diamonds that adorned it were fakes, but it was still a gorgeous ring, plus, you hadn't loved it for it's beauty.

You'd loved it because he had placed it on your finger that night in the backrooms of the 79's.

That thought process sent you into another round of sobbing, burying your face in the pillow beneath you so you didn't disrupt your friend in the other room.

You had even crying almost constantly since arriving at your friend's place. Luckily for the both of you, she worked a cushy advertising job, so there were no roommates to stare as you had collapsed into her, wailing and exhausted.

She'd had to escort you to her guest room just so she could cook dinner after a while, which you felt even more terrible about.

Since then, you had been going between crying and sleeping, barely able to keep track of which you were doing at the moment.

Despite your efforts to keep quiet, the door opened anyways, revealing the worried and lovely face of your friend, Effie.

"Hey, honey." She said, pushing the door open more with her hip. You saw now that she had a tray with her. A steaming microwave meal and glass of blue milk lay next to eachother, looking the most unappetizing you had ever seen something edible look.

You must've been making a face, because her frown only deepened.

"Come on, babe, you need to eat." She urged, placing the tray on the side table and sitting by your feet.

You nodded, guilt twisting along with the grief in your gut, "I'm sorry, I'm trying, it's just-"

You sniffed, embarrassed that you were crying again, 

"Hard."

She nodded sympathetically, squeezing your ankle over the covers.

"I know, I'll get you more of that anti-nausea stuff soon, you said that helps a little?"

You nodded again, giving her a weak, but genuine, smile, 

"Thank you, babe."

Fiddling with your hands, you mumbled, "I know you don't have to be doing this, so thank you, again."

She smiled slightly at that, bumping her shoulder with yours playfully, "Maybe not, but remember how you took care of me when I finally broke up with Hertz? How could I not do the same for my best girl?"

You snorted, a bit of humor slipping it's way into your tone, "I still don't know how you were so hung up on someone who looked like that!"

"He was very sweet when he wanted to be!" The Rodian pushed you softly in mock offense, laughing.

"He drooled!" You exclaimed, making her laugh harder.

Slowly, her laughter faded until she was just smiling softly at you.

"You know I love you." She took your hand, squeezing it, "Please just let me know if you need anything, you're not a burden."

At this, your eyes welled with new tears. It was impressive how the woman almost always knew what you needed to hear.

"Thank you, Effie." You sniffed, squeezing her hand in return and allowing her to pull you into a hug.

As you held eachother you felt that, if you had people like her in your life, maybe, maybe, you would make it through this.

[thephooka]

Happy Webcomic Day! My webcomic White Noise is a labor of love--according to Procreate, this page took me 15.5 hours to complete.* Here's a look into that process!

Some other notes:

The thumbnails are done on graph paper and I script while I do them--there is no separate written script for White Noise. I usually spent a couple hours on weekends as needed thumbnailing, sometimes at a coffee shop or at home listening to records.

I then set up the file in Photoshop, so I can lay in the text and use the template I have with bleeds already set up. The text is rasterized and I shuttle the file over to my iPad via Airdrop.

The bulk of the actual work is done in Procreate, which records timelapses that I sometimes share to my Patreon. I usually spend a couple hours most nights after my day job or on the bus commuting doing this.

Once everything art-wise is done, I shuttle the file back over to my desktop to re-set in the text, add a stroke around the speech bubbles (Procreate doesn't have that took fsr) and do the resizing/exporting for web.

On Sunday mornings I get up, queue the page and write the page descriptions. I don't spend any time on the page descriptions outside of that.

Also, this process goes for the whole first arc of White Noise. I'm done with that arc (which means you can binge the whole thing I'm js!!) and am experimenting with some different methods these days, but my workflow is still generally the same.

*Some more talk about the labor (and burnout) involved below the cut:

This particular page (and most of the pages I did in 2023) took a lot longer than normal because I was heading into a burnout period that I'm still lowkey in/recovering from. It's obvious to me now in retrospect watching the timelapse here and seeing how much noodling I'm doing and how much I'm struggling with the process, but at the time I was just very frustrated generally. When I'm not burned tf out pages take maybe 10 hours max.

2023 was a pretty stressful year--lots of big life changes, uncertainty, pet death, health issues--so it's no wonder it propelled me into burnout, but it just goes to show that even the slowest and steadiest pace is not sustainable forever. I've been doing one page a week following this general process for over a decade! And I stuck to that pace because I knew it was one I could maintain. But even so, by the end of this arc I found myself working more and more slowly, not really looking forward to the work, feeling anxious about being behind, unhappy with the finished work, and extremely annoyed with myself for not being able to give it my all right there at the finish line.

I did stop for a while after the epilogue and took a more or less complete break from drawing for about a month--the longest I have EVER gone without drawing, much less working on White Noise--which did help, but these days my ability to work is...inconsistent. I should probably take another total break, but I'm reluctant. What if my passion never comes back? What if people forget about WN? It's already pretty obscure, and with the general social media collapse, it's harder than ever to get people to read my work. Now that I've left Hiveworks, WN doesn't even get the benefit of being linked to other comics (although objectively very, very few readers actually got referred to my comic that way.) And frankly, I'm also just too proud to go too long without comic updates. I've always told myself, I might not be the best artist or the fastest worker or make a popular comic, but I'm consistent. Difficult to let that go.

This is all to say that webcomics are hard. We do them because we love them, we have stories to tell, we are seized with the human compulsion to create. We spend hours of our time, almost always on top of the paying work that allows us to eat, to make something that we then give away for free. It has consequences on us that the reader doesn't often see, no matter how careful we are about it. If you ask me, webcomics deserve to be valued more.

Happy Webcomic Day! Read webcomics!

[aiieera]

Rhythm of The Rain-chp.5

"One.. two." You and Maki lifted the table cloth in unison, spreading it over Yuuta's island table, and setting it up with food and snacks. "Good thing we got here earlier huh Yn? Yuuta has no idea how to set up for a party." "Right? You hardly had anything set up!," you laughed, elbowing him in the shoulder while he chuckled.

"Hey, It's not my fault I've never hosted a party before." "You set everything up soo boring," Maki adds, turning to pour a bag of chips into a bowl just as your phone lit up with a notification. "Oh, Yuuji says he's on his way now," "Oh shit," Yuuta frantically started looking around the room, making sure everything's in order, nothing out of place. "Relaxx, with me and Maki making sure everything's good your party's gonna go fineee."

Turning back around and throwing away the now empty bag, "How much do you wanna bet I'm gonna have to refill this bowl before anyone else gets here." "Awhhh, I love Yuuji but there's no way I can bet money against that." "Ughh boringg, Yuuta?" "I believe in him! $20!" "Wait! make it 40 so me and Maki can split it." "Yn!!" "what??" "Fine, but I'm telling Yuuji you made a bet against him."

"Oh wait," Maki starts going through the kitchen drawers. "Yuuta, where's your bottle opener?" "My what?" "Bottle Opener. The metal thing you use to take the tops off of bottles?" "Oh, I'm sorry I don't have one," he looks a bit embarrassed. "You don't?" "Noo," he let's out a short laugh, "I only drink canned stuff since I don't know how to open it with the thing."

Maki looks at him almost sympathetically, and you almost want to laugh at how she genuinely feels bad for him. "It's whatever, Yn could you go get my keys? There's a bottle opener keychain on it, It's in my bag in the other room." "Oh, sure. I'll be back in a bit." "Seriously Yuuta I can show you how to use it, it's actually not that hard.

When you come back with Maki's keys in hand, Yuuta's gone while Maki's back to the snacks, putting a pause on drinks. "Where'd Yuuta go?" "Oh, Toge just got here so he went out to greet him." "Oh, okay." After you handed her the keys, you thought it would be less awkward of an interaction between you and Inumaki if you were sat on the couch when he got there.

Moving to sit down, you decided to scroll on your phone a bit, at least until Yuuji got there. Soon enough, the front door opens and Inumaki walks in, by himself surprisingly. "Didn't Yuuta go out to greet you?" "Oh yeah, someone else got here so he's outside with them right now." "Oh alright," after that it was hard to hear what they were talking about so you tuned them out, well you tried to at least. Until you're met with the guy who's avoided you like the plague for the last three years standing awkwardly in front of you, with Maki nowhere to be found.

You look up at him, a bit confused, "Hi?" "Hi." Hard to work with but that's all he says, as if he doesn't want to waste his words on you. "Where'd Maki go?..." Not that you're surprised, but all he says in response is, "Bathroom." "Oh.. okay." How did you get here? You specifically went out of the way to avoid an awkward situation like this. Was he talking to you just to be nice? Or did he hate you so much that he'd go out of his way to make you uncomfortable?

Thankfully, your 'savior' (as he’d later call himself when you tell him about the encounter) walked in at just the right moment, prompting you an escape from the tense situation you were in. "Yuuji!" Without thinking, you immediately stood up and practically sprinted toward him in desperation, "Didn't Megumi come with you?" "Yoo! Yeah he's locking up the car, Yuuta's walking him in."

On queue, Maki walks back in with a curiously playful smirk on her face. "Oh, look who the cat dragged in. I'm surprised everything's still in tact in here." "Maki! Haven't seen you in a bit, hey!" "Hey." "I am gonna need to take these though." You laugh as he takes the snack bowl Maki was prepping and sits down onto a chair. Maki turns to you, laughing, "Tell Yuuta to hurry the hell up with my money." You join her as Yuuji looks at the two of you, still snacking cluelessly, "Does he owe you money or something?"

m.list || prev - next

fun facts☆

• yuuji is often times the one at fault when the trio’s pantry is bare bc he likes to snack while he does literally anything

• his contact in nobara’s phone is “resident muncher”

• maki and yuuji are almost like cousins-even though they don’t talk often, every time they do their conversation flows pretty well

A/N-

arguing w myself over which writing style i wanted to use the entire time i was writing this lolol hopefully it's not too obvious

@sereniteav @iamyujisbitch @sad-darksoul @scrappedup @taelattecookie @kenmakodz @lacrimae-lotos @lollygagger-s @lysaray @mellozhi @jayathelostdragon @nyxlai @danisuar @cre8inghavoc @sasfransisco @krazyotakunerd @k4sss133 @0range-juiceee @gumiiiiezzzz @c4ttheart @yinyinyinyinyinyin @fyodorisbbg @jjk-thef

from now on please send taglist requests through my inbox so it’s easier to keep track of them 🙏 ty <33

[midfight-artchive]

Hello!! It's been a while and I feel like I should explain why I've been gone for so long despite the blog working on a queue system. The short answer is mental health stuff, the long answer is below.

What's important is that the blog will now officially be on hiatus until further notice. When I come back, I'm going to overhaul how I do things behind the scenes that will hopefully bring more of the archive to you without tiring me out as much. Thank you for understanding, and again a more full explanation is below.

I've been going through probably the worst mental state I've ever been in lately. Nothing to do with the blog itself thankfully, I'm very passionate about this blog and MFM as a whole to this day, but the circumstances I'm currently in make it difficult to run this blog.

You know the saying "it gets worse before it gets better?" I'm basically going through that, fully realizing my traumas and really putting myself under a microscope to pick out what needs to be healed and improved. Things are looking up for me overall, but the amount of mental strain and exhaustion I'm experiencing can't be understated either. (Not to mention the fact that I'm still in the situation that gave me this trauma in the first place, so healing is a little difficult when I'm being retraumatized pretty much constantly... x_x) Said exhaustion makes it very hard to even fill the queue for this blog, let alone have the energy to answer asks or even tag sometimes. It's rough! This blog isn't demanding by any means and it's still too much to even think about. (And I have thought about it a lot!!! I've wanted to come back numerous times but didn't because of the constant fatigue I've been feeling.)

Part of that is because I'm neurodivergent, though, and MFM hasn't been a hyperfixation of mine for YEARS. In fact, I haven't had a solid hyperfixation since about...2019-2020? Since then I've been coasting along on special interests and even my focus on those have lasted shorter and shorter the longer time has gone on. I started this blog way after MFM was in my brainspace full time, which is why it took over a year to even set up. I felt that the premise was more important than my brain's shenanigans, though, so I pushed through and tried my best to keep it up. The sad truth is that I don't think about MFM as much as I used to, and when I do think of them these days it's more of a "damn, I really miss them...." for a few minutes before my brain goes back to whatever it's currently grabbed hold of. It's not my choice, as many people with hyperfixations know, and trust me when I say that if I could keep them in my focus long enough to keep this blog running I would in a heartbeat. The fact that this is comorbid with depression really means I have to scrap for whatever energy I can, and that means focusing on things that actively bring me joy just so I can have enough energy to get out of bed, meaning even a fun side project isn't as possible as I previously thought.

HOWEVER, NOT ALL HOPE IS LOST!!! I've started medication and as I've said, I'm working to better myself. This blog going on the backburner is me taking a break, NOT a cancellation, and when I come back I promise to be better about not disappearing for random stretches of time. :P I can't say exactly when I'll feel well enough to pick this blog back up, but it absolutely will happen.

Thank you all so much for the positive reception to this blog, and I'm looking forward to continue archiving for you all!!

[scummy-writes]

Another Blog For Fanfics Only: @scummy-backup

Hello 👋

Back in May, this writing blog was temporarily nuked along with my main/other side accounts for a few hours. At the time, I didn't know how long the account would be gone, so in a panic I made @scummy-backup to get in contact with friends I didn't chat with elsewhere, so they could know I didn't block them or similar, and that something was wrong with my account.

Well, it obviously got fixed! ahaha. I wasn't sure what to do with the backup account and left it alone, and promptly forgot I owned it, until I saw some people have their posts randomly gone. That scared me a lot- while 99% of the posts on here are backed up on my computer, the comments are not. I remembered the backup account and how friends suggested I should turn it into an account where it is *just* my fanfics and nothing else, an Actual backup account. And now I am doing so!

Currently, I don't have the spoons, time, or lack of mercy to reblog everything I've ever written onto that blog at once. It's set up on a queue to post four times a day - and with the Isaac masterlist alone, I think this is a good thing:

The blog @scummy-backup will not have personal posts on it, so if you want to see only my fanfics and nothing else, then I encourage you to follow it. Currently, there are a few that were there to give some warning to the folks who had followed it, so they wouldn't be slammed with an onslaught of fanfics off-guard, but once the queue starts going out for a few days, those posts will be deleted, and later on there will be a pinned post explaining the blog and the tags used for it.

My ikevamp and ikepri works will be reblogged onto there, possibly the few ikesen ones I have posted, but my mysme works will not be reblogged onto there.

To be blunt, I'm not entirely for the idea of having a separate blog like this dedicated to nothing but my fanfics. This is only due to the nuking in may, and then me seeing people have their hard work nuked. There are chances the blog may take a while to update if i forget about it again.

As a side note, if you know someone personally who strongly dislikes me or the things I write, please privately encourage them to also block that blog for sanity's sake.

That's that. Thank you!

[manonamora-if]

June Check-In

My time as a benevolent tropical dictator has ended... time for some resource management retirement.

Bouncing for the summer. ✌️ I may or may not be online during that time. I'm not going in too much details, because it is IRL stuff that doesn't involve just me. I should still have some free time, but not as much as now. You may (probably will) catch random drops on itch.

Onto the usual index:

Recap of last month’s progress

Plan for the next month

The mega to-do-list tm that hasn't really changed.

Still long post under the break. If you want a mini version, head on over to itch.io as usual!

May Progress

Pulling out THE LIST from last month and checking the progress:

Play more games ✅

It's always a check because... there's always a jam we're doing with the @neointeractives, so there's always something to play. Anyways... this month fed be real good. Between the SpringThing (still not done reviewing), the Text Adventure Literacy Jam (have to queue my reviews - I placed third!!), the Dialogue Jam (you can read my thoughts here), the Locus Jam (lookie here), and the REALLY BAD IF jam (it's going to take me a while still)... there was a lot! But also a lot of fun!it also, unfortunately, gave me way too many new ideas...

Oh. It's also been one full year since I started writing reviews! And I've reached the 2nd spot on the IFDB ranking! Over 500 reviews to get there...

Code Chapter 6/Endings❌

MelS is still working on those, chipping away at the pages bit by bit, trying make that last chapter the best final chapter possible. But there are a lot of pages to go through... he's doing his best!

Fixing an older games. ❌

I mean, I bug-fixed my TALP entry, but I don't think that count (and there's some more stuff I could edit too). I've been too busy/all over the place to sit down and go back at it.

Write the next Chapter/Scene of a WIP✅❌

Well, yes and no. I've been revisiting Exquisite Cadaver in the hope of finishing it for real (but I got distracted...), and re-reading it... I've CRINGED SO HARD AT THE WRITING. Like :/ it's so not great.

So before we can make substantial progress in the missing rounds, I will:

re-write the already coded rounds (and fix the insane amount of typos

re-code them (duh)

edit the Interface (the template is a bit all over the place)

fix some other code

other stuff I'm forgetting for sure.

The prologue is completely done, and I've started on the rounds. I think I'll update the game when the re-writes are done. Then do an Interface/code uphaul. Then add more rounds (or switch 1 and 2).

I'm trying to keep this for this summer. That would be good. I think I could even finish it (knock on wood and what not).

What else happened this month????

Well, the organisation of the Locus Jam and the REALLY BAD IF, and setting up Neo-Twiny once again (@neo-twiny-jam). That's... a lot more work than just pressing some buttons 😅

On the writing side, I've written a novel as a Post-Mortem for Jeangille. You can find it here.

More writing... Well, I've mentioned being distracted a few times already this month? That's because... I've gone a bit overboard with tiny stuff. Here's what you may have missed:

I PROMISE I AM WORKING ON THE GAME (Locus/RBIF - binksi)

the 500 rooms game (RBIF - Inform)

Tomato Tomato (RBVN/bitsy jam - binksi - will be made better)

Cloak of Darkness (porting to multiple IF programs -> source code included to see how an engine works)

So hum... yeah. Not super great on the plan. The more I push it, the less I manage... But also I made fun stuff so...

Maybe on really cool thing coming out of this month is... GETTING THIRD PLACE FOR Lysidice and the Minotaur! With a strong average of 4!!! Which is SO MUCH BETTER THAN LAST YEAR!!!

The PLANtm for June

I won't have Tropico or most of my Steam Library to distract me in the next month. I actually will have a lot of IRL stuff to deal with. Aside from dealing with the Neo-Twiny Jam and Anti-Romance Jam organisation, you will probably not hear much from me.

Still, during down time, I would try to:

Play more games: I need to finish my RBIF thread, and start the Neo-Twiny one (if it's like last year, better start early!). And finish the reviews to the previous comps too.

Code Chapter 6/Endings: Still on MelS. Though I still could do some stuff... I've been putting it off since he's not made as much progress as we'd hoped.

Fixing an older games. Well, I'm re-writing Exquisite Cadaver, if I manage that and the Interface, that goal will be filled. Or the Tomato Tomato one.

Write the next Chapter/Scene of a WIP. And if I could manage to write one more game round for EC, we'll be golden!

Let's have a boring month! For realsies.

I'm also planning on just... logging off from the internet for long periods of time (the IRL stuff).

~

The 2024 To-Do List:

And now we're back at the start... SIGH

The hopefully maybe easy to handle To-Do:

fix the bugs in EDOC + overall the French version to match (waiting for Adventuron to get the French language)

fix the bugs of TRNT + find a way to add the missing pieces (giving up on the translation)

fixing the interface of LPM and the popups + check animal interactions

figure out the One-Button JavaScrip/jQuery issue...

edit the loading screens of the completed tiny games to include the program/format logo at least.

The 'Need a Bunch of Content to update but it's planned!' To-Do:

Update my website (bunch new title - also I don't think the logo clicky thing work...) + redo my itch page (un-stricking cause I need to update it)

Finish TTATEH (MelS dependent)

Finish Exquisite Cadaver (half-way mark by this summer - manif)

Finish P-Rix - Space Trucker (main path at least)

Update CRWL (it's been almost two years... I'm ashamed)

The Unlikely But it Would be Dope To-Do

Finish The Dinner as it was planned (and translate)

Finish In the Blink of an Eye as it was planned (and retranslate)

Finish The Rye in the Dark City

Fixing TTTT (at least fixing, maybe try adding some storylets)

And finally The 'It's impossible, but one can wish' TO-DO:

Remaster SPS IH (if I managed to start this after completing the rest... I'm going to eat a whole sheet cake).

Start the IFComp project (2025? Might end up being a ST?)

[sundeathh]

Hello honey, I hope you are still taking requests. Maybe angst with a fluffy ending 👀👀👀 Like old regrets and heartaches are replaced by hope when Aizawa and the reader meet again

Hey sweetie! For now I'm still accepting requests, but my inbox is starting to queue up, so I may close soon.

I'll probably take a little longer to write the ones in the queue since I need to focus on some things in my life right now. But since I've been having fun while writing, I'll probably come back as soon as possible!!!

Now, about the request itself, I left a few things unspoken so you could fill in the blanks however you would like, but I still set out a little bit of the plot. I hope you enjoy! ♡

.

WELCOME HOME

Request | Masterlist

Pairing: Aizawa × GN!Reader

Fandom: BNHA | MHA | word count: 2,7K

Categories: romance; drama; slight angst

CW: None I guess, though I almost cried while writing lol

At five in the afternoon, Aizawa is standing outside the dorm building, although he has no idea why he's doing this in the first place.

But in fact, his reason was simple.

He was hoping to make amends with the person who broke his heart so many years ago – he knew it would be a difficult task, considering all that you had gone through before, and the fact that you were still adapting to your new job.

However, despite all the obstacles, he decided it would happen today anyway.

As he stands outside your doorway, Aizawa thinks back to when you were just kids; about how you would tease him until he would be a flushed mess and poke him out of his shell because you couldn't stand seeing him alone while the other kids played with each other.

You became friends with him fast. You were talkative, easygoing, blissful, and so much more. You were everything good that he craved. And that was why you got along so well: he was the calmness you needed for dealing with your hyperactive mind while you were the strength he faulted, pushing him further to wherever he needed.

You did everything together, from playing hero and villain together through childhood, till studying together as teenagers. You went from two dumb kids that played with each other to two somewhat less dumb teenagers who got along too well. You would do anything for each other.

You also went to the hero course together at the prestigious hero school in Japan. 

You could even get married someday if he had asked you to.

Shōta sighed, smiling, though he felt sad as he stared absently at the wooden pattern on your door. He remembered how you used to cry so easily whenever you didn't get what you wanted from him as a kid; but wouldn't tell anyone, acting stubbornly around him as if the pain wasn't visible on your face.

On the other hand, he was always so dense. It took you a long time to finally break through his walls, slowly peeling them down until he started opening up to you. In the process, you made him realize how much he valued you.

It took time, of course, but you eventually succeeded. And Shōta cherished you dearly. He loved you in a way he didn't even know he was capable of loving.

Shota shook his head, trying to clear his mind before knocking on your door. No matter how hard he tried to fight and forget his struggles against it – he always felt the truth would come up sooner or later. 

And it came way later than he would like, sadly. But it didn't matter, he needed to know why you left.

He needed to know why you had left him as if he was nothing to you. Or why you ended things between you both before he could even say the words out loud.

It hurts to know you weren't together anymore. Knowing you could hate each other for what happened while you were still in high school.

He thought you wouldn't be willing to forgive him for what he did to you. And anyway, here he was: back to your feet, even though you also hurt him as much as he had hurt you. Even though he thought he knew better, or that he had gotten over you.

You were his first everything. And as much as he forced himself to deny it, you were also his last. He couldn't be with anyone else after you. And he didn't know why.

It just didn't feel right.

You were all he had, all he cared about, and all he ever wanted. 

Right now, however, this was not an experience he thought he would have to endure, nor one Aizawa ever hoped to relive again because, after you left, he buried his feelings deep in his chest.

That was why he thought he got over you in the first place. 

But he didn't. 

And all it took for him to realize it was seeing you again, walking as beautiful as ever through the U.A hallways, with the same grace you had when you were just another student walking there.

He was speechless. He was also static. At first, he thought he imagined things. Then, he thought he was confusing someone else with you. But he wasn't. It was you.

The news of your hiring as a homeroom teacher reached his ears only after he saw you there with his own eyes. But he hadn't spoken to you yet. He was avoiding you, watching you at a distance.

That is, until today, a few weeks after you started at your new job.

And when you opened the door, your relaxed expression faded at the sight of him. You weren't expecting him to come to you so soon. 

You weren't expecting him to come to you at all. You knew he'd must been mad at you and knew what he was going to say next.

You had prepared your mind to hear his scolding ever since your hiring – you knew he was working there beforehand, but you decided to go with the job application anyway.

After all, it wasn't like you hadn't thought carefully about meeting him again before sending your application. You were longing for it.

Anyway, Shota didn't say anything. Instead, he gave you a half smile and asked if he could come in.

It was the last thing either of you expected. But you let he in regardless.

The second his eyes met yours after you closed the door, he regretted coming there. The look in your eyes, the way you held yourself, and the fact that you didn't even greet him at all and just gave him a curt nod told him all he needed to know.

And that was all he needed to know. Because it was clear that you didn't want to deal with him right now.

There was still pain, betrayal, and sadness dancing in your eyes. But he also noticed something else.

It was fear, pure and genuine fear in your eyes. You had the same expression you wore the day you told him you were leaving: fear, sadness, guilt, and regret written across every feature of your face.

But that was all there was, and he chose not to dwell on the past, and instead sort out whatever he could fix up now.

He whispered your name. Your gaze immediately shifted towards his at the sound, and a soft gasp escaped your mouth once you met his piercing gaze.

His own eyes widened at how broken you looked. There were so many emotions filling your expression that he was sure you had never seen them all before in your lifetime.

He tried to speak, but no words came out.

Damn it. How he wished to just hold you again. But instead, he only stood there, staring at you. 

"Um… hi, uh..." you began awkwardly before clearing your throat. "Do you need anything?" You asked nervously, unsure about how to proceed.

And he only averted his gaze from yours, saying nothing else.

You sighed. "Okay. Have a seat, I guess." You said before turning around and walking towards your bed, without giving him another glance.

He hesitated for a moment but then followed in, sitting next to you. He tried to make it look casual, but it was awkward. And you noticed, so you glanced over to him, waiting for him to speak.

"Listen," Shota starts. "I'm here because-"

"Look, Aizawa," you interrupted. You saw him flinch at the usage of his last name, but he didn't say anything.

"I know." You said. "I know what you're going to say."

You paused for a moment, debating on how to proceed. Shota didn't say anything, waiting patiently until you spoke again.

"I understand if you are angry. I completely agree with that. But I didn't leave you. I promised myself years ago that I would never give up on you, and I still do, but-" You stopped yourself.

You didn't have any excuse, did you?

"We both know there was never a promise between us in the first place." He said calmly.

You bite your lip, colleting your thoughts. Aizawa knew you were holding onto some feelings you've kept hidden for years. It was beyond clear.

"Yes, you're right." You continued. "I am sorry for hurting you." You apologize. "I'm sorry for leaving and making you believe I didn't care."

He looked away from your gaze.

"And... for making you feel like I was abandoning you." You added quietly.

There was a long silence, but it wasn't as awkward as you were expecting it to be.

After what you said, Aizawa didn't seem as angry anymore. He seemed disappointed. Annoyed, maybe. At how long it took for you to admit to yourself how much he meant to you.

"Why did you leave?" He asked quietly, his voice calm. You sighed, feeling defeated – he wanted you to speak your mind, and so you did.

"I had no choice." You confessed, tears stinging in your eyes from the pain and anger you felt towards yourself, but you ignored it. There were more important things to focus on right now.

"I never wanted to leave you. I felt at home with you, but I had to go anyway. I had to... I didn't want to..." you trailed off as your voice cracked, causing you to tear up. He furrowed, worry etched on his face.

He wanted to pull you into his arms and rest your head gently against his shoulder, but he restrained himself. There was too much you still weren't ready for yet.

"You were my home." You whispered, your heart aching. "But you'd be too far away… because my parents wanted me to go to study abroad. They wanted me to follow the family lead and become a great hero like them. They pressured me to move away from everyone I cared about and take risks I wasn't comfortable taking. I- I didn't want to. But it was expensive for them, so I agreed, but that didn't mean I wasn't going to miss you every day!" You explained yourself through quiet sobs and sniffs.

He swallowed thickly as your hand brushed against his, and your fingers wrapped themselves around the hand he had clenched into a fist.

"My family... they had their reasons." You said. "But I didn't. I had no reason, and they pushed me and pushed me until it became painful to be where I didn't want to be." You laughed bitterly, your gaze blurry with tears as it drifted to the floor. "It sounds so stupid now. But I was young and couldn't choose for myself. So I stayed there until I could choose wherever I wanted to be on my own."

Your lips quivered as you struggled with your tears. "I'm so sorry." You said. "I'm sorry for leaving you. I'm sorry it took me so long to realize how much you meant to me and for taking me so long to act on it. Sorry for coming back so late." You wiped at the tears falling from your eyes as they spilled uncontrollably down your cheeks. "I'm sorry."

Silence fell upon the two of you afterward; your breathing became uneven due to how emotional you both were. Neither of you had realized just how close you were sitting until you found yourselves practically pressed against each other's side.

Aizawa's attempts on holding back his feelings during all of these years caused him to break down in front of you – and this was the last thing he planned to do when he knocked at your door a few minutes ago. 

He didn't even bother wiping his tears away as you broke into uncontrollable sobs, finally burying your head against his shirt.

He didn't expect this, and neither did you. He was too shocked to react as the two of you cried together, but once you relaxed into him, he hugged you tighter than ever, burying his face in the crook of your neck, closing his eyes as he inhaled your so missed scent.

It almost felt unreal to him, having you in his arms like this once again. He didn't remember the last time the two of you hugged each other this tightly.

Tight enough that it felt like he could feel the way your heart pounded wildly against your chest as if it needed air.

All this time, he thought he was alone in this world. And he had convinced himself about it.

Because you did let him. Even though it wasn't intentional, even if you didn't want to hurt him. 

And when you were younger, when you knew you would have to leave for good, you gave in, deciding to put a small piece of yourself in the past without a care, pushing him away from you. 

But you didn't do it the right way. He thought he had done something wrong, or that you had grown bored of him, causing you to leave him.

That was why his dumb young self thought you had found someone else. That's why he was rude to you the day you had planned to tell him why you were so distant. 

But his thoughts made sense inside his head, especially considering how you acted towards him. You were suddenly so cold. So not like yourself.

The sad truth is, after everything he said and done to you at that night, he deserved nothing but the coldest, most brutal treatment you could give him right now.

But instead, he was receiving a warm, caring, loving embrace. Something so sweet that reminded him vividly of how things used to be.

"I'm sorry." He whispered, tears still dripping down his face. "For not being there for you and assuming so much from you. I shouldn't have done that." He added, pulling back just enough to make eye contact with you.

You chuckled softly before shaking your head, leaning forward. "There's no need for apologizing. I don't blame you for anything anymore." You said truthfully. He looked at you from the corner of his eye, giving you a reluctant nod. He still felt guilty anyway.

And it seemed like fate knew that you both needed comfort right now, so it decided to grant you what you needed.

"Shota," you started, your voice sounding softer this time.

You looked at him directly into his eyes, your gaze holding a pleading you weren't even aware you were wearing on your face.

"Can I kiss you?" You asked.

You were surprised by how quickly his body reacted to your request, his lips immediately connecting with yours. His hands then gripped onto your waist, bringing you closer to him.

His tongue soon invaded your mouth as he kissed you passionately, almost desperate. And you let him, not bothering to push him away. You missed his kisses. You longed for how he always felt so secure against you. You missed him. 

A small part of him thought this was a bad idea, that you would push him away again. But as he pulled back, you grabbed his shirt, tugging him into another kiss. One he returned with equal ardor. 

You pulled away slowly after a few minutes, your foreheads resting against each other as you caught your breath. You both stared into each other's eyes for a while as your smiles faded into grins – one of joy, happiness, and relief.

That kiss was only one step closer to healing, and even though your relationship hadn't recovered yet, you knew that everything would work out eventually.

You both knew it. You both wanted it. And it was enough for both of you.

And now, you were just relieved that he forgave you, knowing it was all worth it.

Then, he nuzzled your nose with his own before capturing your lips again. And you returned the favor tenderly, wrapping your arms around his neck, pulling him closer.

He held onto you firmly, and you couldn't help but smile into the kiss, content as he held you in his arms, feeling safe for the first time since you left that night.

A faint smile appeared on your lips after you pulled away, gazing at him.

"I'm glad to be home." You whispered before your smile widened a little more.

And Shota smiled brightly just as well, reaching forward to brush a stray lock of hair behind your ear, cupping your cheek with his palm afterward.

"Welcome home." He said back. "Thank you for coming back."

[ffxiv-khitli]

Things we'd like to see more of on FFXIV (or less depending on the thing)

People playing the things we were talked into doing because "it's the right thing to do" - and NOT because it's the right thing to do, but because failing and wiping is a form of learning.

So IN THAT, we've noticed nobody queues for anything SHB and above, everyone's PF unsyncing. Like literally unrestricted unsyncing MSQ content.

I could understand the 5.3 trial, and I VALIDLY get fears of wiping- but damnit - if an Autistic/ADHD/DID/CPTSD person like myself can re-clear without carrying LATER ON - getting carried on ECHO/Level Sync NORMAL content -- you can make effort, it's OK!

I'm not saying this in a TOXIC "EVERYONE HAS TO DO THE HARD SHIT" - i'm not saying go do extremes, i'm not saying become week 1 clear.

What i'm saying is: Only reason I unsycned a bunch of ARR/HW content for shits and giggles with my partner was? I'd already done it, they'd done it on an alt.. and when we'd done it on Dynamis, we'd gotten toxic responses if we didn't remember mechanics..

Thing is: I'm not even asking you to STUDY mechs, i'm asking you to ENJOY the actual mechanics as part of the story - MSQ content the mechanics aren't just "DUNGEON MECHS" this is a story based MMORPG, and while i'm sure WoW is - Carrying people in dungeons isn't toxic.

IF YOU unsync basic content, you won't learn later on. This is why a whole generation of us in FFXIV don't know how to do Bahamut synced, because nobody wants to sync it with us.

You do you, i'm not shaming you for being scared of the content. I get it. I just cleared Heroes Gauntlet for likely the 2nd or 3rd time since playing SHB, and I am learning sage - I am extremely on edge when I have to wipe 5 + times.

But I would NEVER have wanted to unsync that, because I would miss key information about the storyline, (the first time that is) due to how the dungeon is set up.

Sure that one's HARD and i get POST content is harder than main. I Beleive in you. You got this. And if anyone on Dynamis bites you for not knowing Porta Decumana mechs...

Remind them: Not all of us had to queue for Porta after 6.1, and not all of us do our roulettes. I've gone THROUGH Dawntrail, but I have to admit "clearing" is different than being CARRIED by half your FC lol.

And there in itself: You CAN BE CARRIED by wonderful caring people in this game.

I'm in an FC with a bunch of savage raiders, nerds and twitch streamers - some of them somewhat famous and some of them like myself are bottom barrel lol.

We've all watched our FC leaders try and clear savage raids with Llamatodd...

If I can clear Heroes Gauntlet by wiping 10+ times with a caring party that came from Duty Finder...

Then I urge you to take up the strength, even if you do it unsync ONCE and then do it again later synced.. Learn the story, learn the mechs because of the story - don't just "STUDY" Them for some tier list..

The mechs sometimes really do have to do with the story.

And again, just like any thing: I'm saying this from a teaching, and caring perspective. I am not intending to be abelist in any format, if you NEED to unsync for any reason, i'm sure you have a valid one - but please if you're able to: do it synced.

You're an amazing WoL. I would hate to see you miss out <3

~ Khit'li L'ocar Crystal/Goblin Resident Lvl 100 Floor Samurai Lvl 92 Sage, Lvl 84 Vpr. Sasshat Crafter who WILL SCREECH if you zoom to the marketboard like their partner and buy crap before we can craft it for you. (Sadly i'm too low to be in Kiba Corp lol)

Edit: I'm now level 100 Sage. Several Crafters are level 100. Getting married in game to @cidolfus-garlond sept 27 2024 4pm PDT (After party starts at 6pm, i think i posted it on this blog or something i'll mention it gain before the time if y'all see this XD subathon and prizes on my twitch :D)

[attroxx]

just a quick psa !! i will be on a small hiatus from the 8th - 11th !! i am going to another state to visit my friend for her bday :) i will be leaving tmw night so, i've decided to set up a little queue while i'm gone just so my blog isn't dead. but please feel free to add me on discord ( softsalem666 ) so we can chat while i'm gone. thank you v much for reading ~

[theponyarchive]

Announcement

I submitted this as a feedback ticket, but I have no faith left in Tumblr so this will likely be my sign-off.

The recent changes to both web and mobile have effectively rendered Tumblr unpalatable and borderline unusable. The "new" twitter-style interface for web is absolutely atrocious. Does not scale the UI with screen resolution so 60% of my screen is wasted. Even with all that wasted space, the activity and message popouts open OVER THE DASH. Have to continue to snooze the blatant data-theft tool that is Tumblr Live every seven days even though there is no chance I will EVER use it. New mobile lightbox finally got the fix to allow double-tap to zoom, but is still unusable because after you've zoomed in, if you accidentally scroll too far and start to swipe to the (absolutely useless and unwanted) "related content", then you can no longer single tap to hide the UI. So much for being able to read the text or see the details for which I needed to zoom in to begin with. All of these changes keep coming rapid fire while there is still little to no progress being made on things that users actually want: a usable search function, proactive action on bots, proactive action on hate speech. Also while all of this is going on, someone(s) in your moderation and review team is singling out trans women's posts/pictures as "mature content" regardless of how G-rated the actual content is. I'm in my second year of paying for ad-free. I'm not even halfway through the second year but I'm basically writing it off as a loss. I've set my queues to all run dry in about 7 days and then all my blogs will go silent. I'll check back in a week but my hope that ANYTHING will move in a positive direction is very low. I've been an account-holding Tumblr user for 9 years, and I was here just looking for a year or more before that. I came here to escape the toxicity of fan communities elsewhere and even though there's plenty of that here, it's so much easier to not see it with the chrono-dash, functional blocking tools, etc. Tumblr is the only "social media" I still use and if nothing changes then I guess I'll finally be free. I don't want to have to leave. I liked it here, but you have gone too far.

My queues will all run out in 7-8 days (probably 9 for @i-like-thing because I can't set the queue to more than 50 posts a day). If by some miracle this actually ends up getting a response from @staff and things improve, I might be back, but as I said, I have no faith left.

It's been a fun 9 years of colorful ponies, outer space adventures, cute animal friends, and assorted shitposting. Maybe I'll see you out there!

Mod P

[thedrarrylibrarian]

Hello Hello and the Happiest of Fridays!

I'm thrilled to have @shealwaysreads in the library today! I've followed her for a long time and am always delighted by her posts on my dash. She has excellent taste, and has picked an incredible fic to share with us. Without further ado, I'll let Bella take over!

I did a slightly ridiculous gasp and wiggle when the lovely @thedrarrylibrarian reached out to ask me to share a fic rec for their brilliant Happy Hour, and was beyond delighted to be chosen to open the new year with a story I loved. 

I haven’t actually been able to read much fic over the last year, except for short pieces, which has really crystallised for me how much I really do love short fic. The skill, choices, focus, and subtle characterisation that’s so necessary for a fantastic short read is intense, and I find myself endlessly full of admiration for writers who can take on that challenge and create something beautiful.

Contretemps by @moonflower-rose is one of those brilliant stories—written for @hd-erised it was the last fic I read in 2022 and it was everything I hoped for, so I thought it would be the perfect story to share with everyone to kick off 2023!

Contretemps by @moonflower-rose (8,488 words, rated T)

Draco Malfoy has been living like a model citizen. If only he could convince Potter.

In less than 10k Rosie manages to create such a full feeling world, with brilliant cameos from Ron and Hermione, brief but sharp and defined OCs, and a Pansy I adore beyond measure (a running theme in her work, do check out her back-catalogue and ready yourself for falling in love), along with a delicious Harry—dimpled, earnest, and transparent (or so Draco thinks), and a Draco pov that is positively sparkling (if slightly misguided).

Just the opening two lines shows you so much about Rosie’s deft world building, and fantastic sense of humour. By the third paragraph (full of brilliant characterisation) you are completely in-world, immersed in the tale she’s woven, and ready to be delighted.

I sat and highlighted a ream of quotes from the fic, and then realised I was essentially sharing every single bit of it. So I’ve given myself a stern talking to and settled on just one, which made me laugh out loud and captures perfectly Draco and Harry’s dynamic at the beginning of the fic:

“Draco imagined wrapping his fingers around Potter’s throat. Sometimes he even imagined strangling him. Sometimes.”

Draco’s perspective, and Harry’s characterisation, make the misunderstanding and miscommunication work so perfectly, so believably, that along with the urge to give them both a gentle slap I also found myself grinning away while they fumbled. 

Rosie’s fics always leave me bone-deep satisfied. She has that innate talent and well-honed skill to spin a world full of characters that feel so real you could reach out and hug them, and to guide you gently along emotional journeys to a resolution that leaves your heart warm and light every time. Short, or long, her stories are rich and generous, full of subtly crafted details that build a world (Contretemps is full of these—Hermione’s recent laws, Draco’s pirating choices, the queue outside Harry’s office) and even moments of sadness are leavened and balanced by the absolute gift she has for humour in her writing. 

Every fic of hers has made my day better, has lifted me up and set me on my way with a smile.

A special note: Rosie always undoes me with her food descriptions, and by undo I mean ‘wake up my appetite but ONLY AND SPECIFICALLY for what she has just laid down in words before me. I have once and will likely again actually gone and bought what she’s written about simply to sate my fic-induced hunger. If you’re anything like me you will find yourself reaching for a snack about halfway through this fic, and find yourself desperately wanting meringues and apricots.

I’ll stop myself there, before I spend the next thousand words singing the praises of this fic and @moonflower-rose’s writing, and hope that you all click the link and read Contretemps. I guarantee it will make your day if you do!

Thank you so much to @thedrarrylibrarian for inviting me to be a part of Happy Hour, and for all of your brilliant recs. As a Library Person™ it just brings me so much joy to be part of this project and the gift it is to the Drarry fandom. 

Happy 2023 everyone, I hope it’s a beautiful one, filled with fic and art! ❤️

Thank you once more, to @shealwaysreads for joining us today! Be sure to check out her own writing on her AO3!

❤️ As always, if you find a fic you enjoy, please remember to leave the author a kudos or a comment! ❤️

Lots of Love and Happy Reading!

[boyswanna-be-her]

Today was a banner day escorting patients past the anti-abortion protesters (I'll just call them "antis" from now on, which is what all the other volunteers call them). There were TONS of appointments today and plenty of antis--including Wayne, the LOUDEST man on their crew, who I absolutely hate, who has assaulted a volunteer, who ALWAYS talks to me and tries to get my goat (not possible--goat gone, watch for finger).

In an incredible turn of events, 4 volunteers showed up to escort. I'm using Wayne's real name but let's keep it real for the volunteers--no identifying info. Volunteer Robert and I have been there together TONS because nobody else has been coming. Volunteer Sue was one of the first people I met and I love her so much--she comes once a week. And volunteer Matty was a new-to-me volunteer who has been out a few times.

I started playing music at the site weeks ago to keep up my own morale, and we quickly discovered that among the volunteers, I had the loudest speaker. Of course playing music for us escalated to playing music to troll them (i can have a little petty behavior, as a treat).

Then this week I... bought a louder speaker.

One thing Wayne loves to do is to stand outside the waiting room windows and pray and chant and harass and sing at the people inside. Unfortunately, it's quite audible.

Usually when all the patients are in, it's the time when the volunteers get to mostly chill and catch up, so when I saw Wayne handing out fucking sheet music to his anti cronies, my blood pressure was already up. They went up and down singing and singing and I just followed them on our side of the property line (it's legally pretty muddy but we have enough of a berth that they're a car's length from the windows) with my speaker in hand. I have a playlist now, of course.

At one point, Volunteer Sue gestured at anti Kim who was booking it down the road and said something about how ridiculous it was, the way that Kim chases these people just trying to leave.

I said "I feel like the Benny Hill Theme should be playing every time she does that." And then it hit me that I had a speaker and I could absolutely make that happen.

The next time Wayne et al lined up to yell-pray at the window, I pulled out Yakety Sax and put my speaker on its highest setting. At this point I was really fucking done with them shitting on my quality time with people I enjoy, so I was a little in his face about it (he's larger than I am and taller), just cancelling out his loud praying with my loud Yakety Sax.

I've done a lost of testing walking around to see the way that my music travels because I don't want to bother the surrounding businesses of course (and I don't want to get myself into trouble with the clinic). I really only turn it up when everyone is inside because booming music isn't super welcoming for patients who are already in a bonkers fucking environment. But the speaker at full volume is startlingly loud up close, can't be heard once you're in a car or office.

I am usually completely non confrontational with the antis. What I get off on is shaming them by letting their own idiot words hang in the air when they say them and smiling back at them. But I swear I just woke up knowing that Wayne was gonna be there and get under my skin. Not today fucker. Your skin is MINE.

So Yakety Sax was VERY well received by the volunteers and innocent people in the parking lot, and you have to imagine it being played while someone AGGRESSIVELY prays at a closed window. The other three volunteers were literally stood up behind me, all with full-size rainbow umbrellas and rainbow hi-viz vests, and they were laughing it up (antis HATE it when we laugh at them holy shit does it darken their days!).

I was shaking from adrenaline because this man was in my face but I held the speaker up and pulled up "Entry of the Gladiators" to queue as the next song. Yakety Sax finished up, Spotify helped with a crossfade to ensure no silent moments, and the Gladiators began their fucking Entry.

Wayne was NOT having it. Never would I ever have thought that playing circus music at a grown man would make him lose his temper, but yes, this move fully fucked with the old man's head. Temper gone, chili stirred. He started yelling his prayer literally as loud as he could into my face.

I stood there and took it. His little buddies were visibly unhappy with how it was abruptly escalating. I stood there and took it. Like full minutes passed, I was glad I had a second circus song queued because I needed it. The time dilation was real, and I gotta say having an adult man yell a prayer in your face for 3-5 minutes really makes time go by slow.

During that time, things were also escalating on our side, as Volunteers Robert and Matty had started hollering at Wayne to back up (oh yeah, forgot to mention that I started out a good legal distance from him but he crossed over onto our property line so that he could properly yell in my face). So it was just cacophony, full blast three men in a triangle around me yelling at each other while "Bozo's Song" was blaring.

At that point, when my side started yelling back, I felt like I might actually be in danger--and at the same moment that occurred to me, I realized how powerful it would be to just stop the music abruptly and walk away. So that's what I did. My side was silent immediately. Wayne continued pray-yelling as loud as he could--but he knew he couldn't get away with following me so he stayed at the window, his friends visibly dismayed, wondering if they should intervene.

I just wanted to make him look dumb, not piss Wayne off more, but me walking away made him go NUCLEAR. I think it was that he knew he'd shown his ass, but also that he could no longer yell at me or harass me because I'd removed myself.

I was very shaken up but proud of myself. Robert and I backed our hatchback trunks up to each other to form like a shady spot for all the volunteers, so I hopped into my open trunk and grabbed a soda and tried to chill myself out.

When I looked up, the clinic OWNER was making a beeline for Wayne. I didn't even realize the clinic owner was in town. Honestly I wouldn't have provoked Wayne if I had because doing this is important to me and I don't want to upset the big boss or give her any reason to tell me not to come back. When I saw her, my heart really dropped.

The other three volunteers had stayed there with the praying group. When the owner came out, Wayne turned his fury on her. I was too far away to hear what was going on. I was so ready for her to make a beeline to ME after Wayne.

IDK if Volunteer Robert ran interference for me with her on purpose or not, but the escort solidarity was strong today and the other volunteers implied that everything that went down had been a group decision. Owner never even came over to talk to me, so I learned secondhand that she wasn't mad at me at all. They couldn't hear my music, even at full volume, but they could hear Wayne yelling!!! And he sounded like a scary crazy idiot! Way to court people to your side, boo boo the white supremacist fool.

Once I knew for sure that I wasn't in trouble, though, holy shit yall. Getting Wayne to embarrass himself in front of such a crowd today is NOT something I could've predicted for myself. Top 10 in the Kelly Highlight Reel for ya boy today. I'll be riding off the sheer bliss of fucking up his day for years, probably.

Wayne IMMEDIATELY removed himself from the scene (or they told him to fuck off, who knows) so we didn't get anything more from him until the volunteers spotted him in his truck, stopping to talk to the cop. He had to drive directly in front of us to get out of the parking lot so I said, "hey let's say goodbye to Wayne!" and the four of us lined up and leaned on our cars and smiled big at him.

He rolled the window down and before we could say anything (we weren't going to) and he said in a sarcastic voice, "I know, I know, go fuck myself," and roared off, leaving us in hysterics, possibly the only funny thing Wayne has ever done in his whole life.

[lamonnaie]

thanks for the tag @sollucets i loved reading ur answers !!! 🫶🫶 i've been a little ia lately + busy with irl things but i'm slowly trying to work through the backlog of tag games 😅

1. why did you choose your url?

it's from the french words "la monnaie," which basically means small change. i found the word amusing when i first learnt it a while ago and i've been using it as a username practically everywhere ever since :]

2. any sideblogs? name them and why you have them

technically no? i set up the ao3 feed for the dangerous romance tag on a sideblog pretty much just for my own convenience, but that doesn't rlly count lol

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

i've been lurking on tumblr since ~2015, when you could actually use the website pretty functionally even without an account, but i only made this account in 2020.

4. do you have a queue tag?

i do! it's just "q" (although it's empty right now because i haven't been on much 😩😩)

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

i finally made a tumblr account after 5 yrs of lurking because of this one niche movie that had somewhat of a fandom on here and i wanted to interact lol

6. why did you choose your icon?

because fairy lights !! they're pretty :))

(i use this icon everywhere as well as my url, i think i've only ever changed it once on here)

7. why did you choose your header?

i had to go back and check my blog because i genuinely didn't remember what my header was 😭😭 but it's just a cute gif off of google that i picked coz i liked it :)

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

apparently this post about akkayan and raysand??? guess that answers the shitposts question as well LMAO

9. how many mutuals do you have?

quite a few !! is there any way of actually finding out the number? i have no clue, but if someone follows me i tend to check out their blog and if we have similar interests i'll follow back :] that being said, probably around 30-ish who i've actually interacted with beyond mutual liking and rbing hehe

10. how many followers do you have?

382!

11. how many people do you follow?

486 - definitely need to do a clean out tho because i follow a lot of random blogs from interests long gone by

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

yes lol

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

it depends honestly, sometimes several times a day for several hours (😭), other times i'll go a day or two without opening it <//3

14. have you had a fight/argument with another blog?

nah, if i don't agree with something i'll just unfollow and/or block

15. how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts?

very unnecessary, i get that there's good intention behind it but it's honestly just annoying to see and will actively make me not reblog it 😭 (or at the very least i'll go back and rb a version without the addition)

16. do you like tag games?

HELL YEAH, i love yapping about things 🥰🥰

17. do you like ask games?

yesss they're so much fun !!!! (that being said, my askbox is so wonky that it never saves my posts as i'm writing and then it'll randomly crash and i just the ask altogether????)

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

hmm i have no concept of tumblr famousness but just looking through my moots there's quite a few who i feel are pretty well known???

that being said, gonna give a shoutout to dee @distant-screaming who is the most famous person ever to me because i love love love their fics so much 😭😭😭 like have i ever fully watched nlmg? nope. do i still constantly go back and read her palmnueng fics? absolutely.

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

no i wouldn't say so :) i admire a lot of people on here and i love all my mutuals <33 (but in a platonic way hehe)

20. tags?

i feel like people have done this already (so no pressure + pls tag me in ur post if u've already done it !!) but tagging @dramalets @distant-screaming @winnysatang @hellswolfie @blackstar-gazer <33

[heywriters]

For the ask meme: 7, 23, 36, 40?

you are crazy sweet for always responding to these, especially because I queue them and forget. in fact, I have an unanswered one of yours still sitting in my inbox because it came in while i was logged out for a while.

7. Any worldbuilding you’re particularly proud of?

no specific scene comes to mind, but showing the intent behind a place is fun, like portraying a society as ambitious or crumbling or overbearing purely by describing its architecture. decay is one of my favorite things to describe because it can show neglect, the passing of time, the effects of weather, and/or that something has been well-used and loved.

another worldbuilding motif of mine is food. i love making up fantasy foods, or describing a real place by the type and quality of the food. people are also a very important part of worldbuilding to me because i'm a people-watcher irl, so i try to include the interesting types of people i see in daily life in my stories.

23. What’s a trope, AU, or concept you’ve never written, but would like to?

murder mystery thriller. i have a half-dozen plot ideas for this genre but i lose interest in them too quickly. one is about a wildfire, one involves police corruption, one starts with a party on a beach, and one is even set in space...but i cannot make myself complete the outlines let alone start writing. i think the idea of sustaining suspense for a whole story intimidates/bores my brain. maybe someday

36. Do you visualize what you read/write?

oh, always. the only time my mind draws a blank is usually during dialogue. otherwise, it's like watching a movie in my head or experiencing VR. and while writing, if I can't visualize it I physically act it out or sketch/research an environment so I can better adjust my brain to the setting.

40. Do you tend to reread fics or are you a one-and-done kind of person?

I don't know if I should laugh or sigh because hell yeah I re-read. Too much. Too often. If I re-read I edit or I get excited for the ending I never wrote, and either way I end up wasting hours I meant to spend on something else (thanks, ADHD). I've started a new thing where I write quick, small pieces that make me happy and I re-read them until the dopamine is gone. Once that happens, they either move to The Big File where I intend to connect them all into a linear story, or I delete them because they're superfluous/redundant.

Thanks for being the best!

this was good for my brain, so i have to go write now <3

[splitsabers]

Going out of town for a bit, but I've set up the queue for while I'm gone!

In the meantime... here's some shots that didn't quite make the cut 😂.