#and i've been in pain since friday night

[i-appear-misssing]

I just had the horrible thought that I need to fall in love because having devastating crushes on beautiful, competent, authoritative women that I desperately want to please is exhausting and I need it to stop

[fort-cozy-mcblanket]

Guess who spent the night in the emergency room!

It's fine, I'm fine. I have 2 kidney stones but I'm fine.

[fox-bee926]

Who did this?

Harvey Specter x fem!reader

Masterlist A/N: Wow another one? I'm going to do one more after this and then answer an ask and put all my harvey fics on one post. Then after that who knows. I have an awesome aragorn x reader fic I've been playing around with so I might work on that. Definitely going to try and do more one shots to improve my writing. I really enjoy it but depression makes it a tad hard. Anyways! Enjoy! TW: **This story focuses on the physical abuse between the Reader character and her boyfriend. I am not responsible for the content you consume so please be advised. There are explanations of abuse, but no explicit scenes of abuse occurring.** abuse (physical and emotional), hurt/comfort, Harvey being very sweet, mention of painkillers but I'm talking like 2 tylenol or ibuprofen or something Word Count: 2.5k

You run across the street to the Pearson Hardman office building, just about soaking wet. All that protected you from the rain was a newspaper you bought right outside your building. You prayed all the way to work that it wouldn’t just completely break under the force of the rain. You had spent almost thirty minutes on makeup, twenty five more minutes than you usually spend. To go along with that, you couldn’t find an available taxi because of the rain. Not even the pain in your shoulder had let up, despite taking a couple painkillers.

Your boyfriend had gotten a bit angry with you last night after you went out socializing with some friends. It wasn’t your smartest move. You knew he didn’t like you to hang out with your guy friends without his permission. But you didn’t think it was that big of a deal. The feelings of your heart conflicted with your rational mind. All you know is you love him and he loves you. Which is why he gets upset when you go out without him. But then why wouldn’t he make time to go out with me alone?

You shook those thoughts out of your head as you swiped your card into the building. You took the time in the elevator to dry off with your sweater. Which was consequently soaked. Curses rang out in the elevator- cursing the sweater, the weather, your boyfriend, you didn’t know.

You sat down in the chair next to Donna and exchanged greetings. “How are we looking today, Donna?” You smiled as you saw Harvey sitting in his office. The only person getting into the office earlier than him was Donna.

“Full day as always. Oh, Jonathan from accounting asked for Harvey to look at his expense accounts for this last month. He won’t of course- but as long as they get to Harvey’s desk, Jon won’t speak another word about it until the next thousand dollar dinner with a client.” Donna goes back to typing rapidly on her computer. 

“And then the cycle continues,” You let out a hearty laugh for the first time since you left work last Friday. “I’ll get on that. Anything else while I’m in accounting?” You gather up different file folders that you need to take down to accounting anyway.

“Nope, say hi to Mr. Expense Forms for me!”

“Will do, Donna.”

You quickly walk to the elevator and down to the accounting department for Jonathan's expense reports. Harvey is still in the same spot as he was when you left as you open the door to his office. You make sure to open the door with your left arm, with the papers in your right. 

“I got a delivery for Harvey Specter from Mr. Jonathan Expense Forms from accounting. Fuming as always. You might want to lay off the fancy dinners for a week.” Harvey rolls his eyes at the notion.

“Sweetheart, you think I’m that good at my job that I don’t need fancy dinners to win over clients? You must think very highly of me.” He chuckles smugly as he writes words you can barely read on a legal pad. You deal his snark back just the same.

“Of course I think you’re good. You’re my boss, I’m legally obligated to think so.” You both laugh until you reach with your right arm to set the folder on his desk. You let out a noise just loud enough for Harvey to be concerned. 

“What happened to your shoulder?” 

“It’s nothing, I just fell.”

At this, Harvey looks up. You were never one to be clumsy, let alone fall so hard as to hurt yourself. As Harvey’s eyes assess you, he notices a large dark bruise on your wrist- both your wrists in fact. 

His silence worries you, and you follow his eyes to your wrists. “Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry-” You quickly try to pull your sleeves down to cover the spots. Remnants of rain water drove through the foundation. 

Harvey takes a few deep breaths as you stand there in shocked silence. For the smallest second, you think he’s going to hurt you. Rationally, you know the notion is absurd, but the mind that has dealt with angry men keeps you silent.

Harvey finally speaks after taking a minute to process the information he’s pieced together.

“Who did this to you?”

You’re taken aback, that small part of your mind thinking he would call you unprofessional or weak. “My... My boyfriend. He just gets a little annoyed with me sometimes. It’s truly nothing. I’ll do better to cover them-”

“A good man being annoyed never results in bruises. How did this happen?” Harvey has to go against every part of his nature not to rush out and ask Donna everything about this man, then subsequently find him. He’s thinking that those boxing lessons are actually going to come in handy.

But he knows he can’t. He knows that if he moves like that, or moves at all, he’d terrify you. He can see how your eyes dart around. Towards the door, towards your wrists, and towards himself. He didn’t know how you would react if he even stood up.

“I fell into a bookshelf. He pushed me a bit and I lost balance.”

“You mean he shoved you into a shelf.”

The way Harvey phrased it made you feel uncomfortable. “That’s a bit harsh, but you could phrase it like that.”

He stared at you in disbelief. This wasn’t the woman he saw on a daily basis. The woman that dealt with almost every slimy man that came into the building. The woman that he had slowly fallen in love with since she arrived here.

The woman before him seemed like a shell of the woman he met three years ago, and he couldn’t help what came out of his mouth next.

“Do you know how you sound? You should never be bruised, shoved, or red eyed if you’re in love. That’s simply not how it is, and I’m sorry you’ve been made to believe that.”

At this, the dam broke.

Tears had been pooling in your eyes from the moment Harvey saw the bruises. But at his last words you let out a pained sob. It hadn't sunk in just how bad it had gotten. Your boyfriend had done this a few times before, but had never gotten so harsh until last night.

All the pain from the last year had come rushing in, and you were about to break right in front of your boss. Heavy tears started to run down your face. It was at this moment you were glad you never wore heavy makeup. You did your best to stifle the sounds and cries that tried to escape, but outside, Donna still saw through the glass. 

Immediately, Donna calmly walks in. She takes one look at you, then Harvey. With a single nod from Harvey, Donna lets out a quiet "Car is on its way."

Unfortunately that made you feel even worse. "I'm so sorry, Harvey. This is completely unprofessional-"

Harvey finally stands up and walks towards you. At this point, what you need isn't space. He places his hands as gentle as can be on your arms to coax you to look at him. And you do, but looking at your red eyes and wet tears streaming down your face up close make his heart break even more.

"I don't give a shit about professionalism. Donna is getting the car and my driver is going to take you home-"

"No! He's there, he's been trying to move in with me and doesn't have a day job. He's just been staying there..." Your sentence trails off as you’re trying to process what you’re actually saying. Are you really doing this?

"Okay, then my driver will take you to my place and give you a key. We'll talk about the next steps when I get home. I'll get you some things from your apartment, okay?"

The tears were gone purely by witnessing Harvey be so calm, and you nodded slowly. All you could do was follow the sound of his voice. Like a lighthouse in a raging storm. 

Donna entered the room quietly, "The car is here."

"Good. Donna will walk you out." You nodded, not saying a word. You turn to walk out of Harvey’s office, but he reaches out for your hand. “You’ll get through this, alright?”

You give a small smile. However, your mental state did not display the same sentiment. Your mind was reeling from what had happened in the last- what, 10? 15 minutes? 

Donna leads you out the back staircase as a gesture of mercy. She knew that you didn’t want anyone else to see you like this. Harvey wasn’t exaggerating his view of you. Everyone in the office saw you as an unbreakable force.

Harvey’s driver opens the door for you. You look back at Donna, who is smiling sweetly. “I promise, Harvey will take care of everything. The only thing you need to worry about is taking care of yourself, okay?” 

You gave Donna the same small smile you gave Harvey. You were at the edge of your sanity at this point. Now that you’ve gone through all the sadness and shock of the... situation, you were embarrassed. Angry. Angry at yourself for letting a man put his hands on you for a full year. Angry at Donna for knowing exactly what was going on and getting exactly what was needed. Angry at Harvey Specter for being so goddamn perfect that you couldn’t help the butterflies that always arose in your stomach whenever he talked to you. Angry at the world for putting you in this position.

Wordlessly, you exited the car once it stopped in front of Harvey’s building. You reached his apartment without thought. You took your heels off, and put your purse on the closest counter you saw. 

And you cried.

_______

 Harvey exited the elevator with a large box held in his hands. It was purely full of necessities. A week's change of clothes, toiletries, some books he knew were your favorite. Everything else he could buy new. He looked down and saw your heels on the ground and your purse on the table beside him.

Once he set down the box on the floor, he saw you. You looked even worse than at the office. Your beautiful hair was frizzy and pulled in odd directions. The worst part was the absolutely destroyed look on your face. Eyeshadow and liner were smudged on your red tinged eyes which stared into space in front of you. 

Harvey sees your body stiff as a board on the edge of his soft couch, seemingly ready to run at a moment’s thought. “Have you been sitting like that since you got here?”

“No. I’ve only just sat down.” Your arms leaned on your knees, hands folded in your lap.

Harvey tries to ignore the hoarse sound in your voice. “Well, you can relax a bit if you’d like. I got you some more comfortable clothes if you want to change.”

Your brows furrow as you think. “Did he give you any problems?” For the first time since he came in the front door you look at him. He was visibly more relaxed than he is in the office. His suit jacket was tossed on the coat rake next to the door and the sleeves of his dress shirt were neatly folded up his arms. He walked towards the kitchen to the freezer. 

“He didn’t get a chance. Don’t worry, he won’t hurt you again.” He walks over to where you’re sitting on the couch and sets down an ice pack. His shirt was obviously wrinkled, and his knuckles held the slightest tinge of blue. The thought of Harvey hurting someone made your stomach flip, but you didn’t feel quite so bad for the receiving party.

“Let’s get some ice on that shoulder, huh?” He could tell you were still sensitive, but it felt more subdued than the scared woman he saw in his office.

You nodded in agreement about the ice pack. You hadn’t really stopped to think about it until he said something. As you unbutton your shirt to reveal your nude colored undershirt, you wince. The swelling of the bruise had gotten worse since you hadn’t taken anything for it. You hadn’t noticed the pain when you were crying, but now it just felt terrible.

“Let me help.” You give Harvey a look when the words come out of his mouth, a glimpse of that fiery woman that he knows. But you sigh and relent. You managed to undo a few buttons at least before Harvey steps in.

He unbuttons your shirt down to your stomach and pulls the shoulder of the shirt down just enough to slide the ice pack onto the skin. As soon as it’s securely placed between you and the couch, you let out a groan. In relief or pain, you don’t know. All you knew was that the cold felt absolutely wonderful on your swelled skin.

You and Harvey stay like that for a while, the exact amount of minutes you don’t know and neither does he. Harvey is the first to speak.

“You’ve been awfully quiet.” 

You give him a look that says “I wonder why, dumbass.” But you refrain. “I’m thinking.”

He finally sits next to you on the couch and reaches his arm to grasp the top of the cushions. In his mind he excuses it as getting more comfortable, but the opportunity to touch you is also a bonus. Harvey was not a man of wise words for comfort, moreso actions and touch.

In a singsong voice, trying to lighten the mood, he says “Whatcha thinkin’ about.”

You smile a true smile and look towards him. Then the thoughts in your head come rushing in and the smile falls from your face. “I’m thinking about how I’ve been with him for so long that I don’t know how to live my life without him. So much of my life has been conforming to his ideals, his feelings. How am I supposed to love and be loved after him? After I’ve split my soul into so many pieces that I’ve lost track of where they all are?”

Both of you sit in silence, not sure what to say.

“I was definitely not expecting that.”

“I am... extremely sorry I said that, please just ignore-”

“I wasn’t finished, sweetheart. Firstly, I think you should see a professional about these feelings. But in the meantime, we can work on that together.” Harvey smiles, but then falters. “I- I mean, if you want. I’m not trying to get in your pants, I promise, all I’m saying is that I’m here whenever and you can stay as long as you want and-”

“Thank you, Harvey. It means a lot to hear you say that.” You laugh at the sight of a flustered Harvey Specter.

“To paraphrase, you're not alone in this. Not ever.”

You reach over with your good arm and pull him into as much of a hug as you can muster. In return, he pulls you close. Neither of you ever want to leave.

[ashwhowrites]

Hi! can I please request an Older! Eddie Munson x Hargrove! reader, maybe they're neighbors and they hate each other, Eddie gets tired of of "the Hargrove kid" (reader) always doing parties, he tried to talk with Billy, Reader's dad, but he didn't thought his daughter would be like that, so Eddie talks with reader again, so they end up making out (maybe you could add smut) p.s I think I sent you this request before, but I don't remember!

Older Eddie 🫶🏻🫶🏻 I hope this is what you wanted and you enjoy it. Thank you for requesting

⚠️ smutty

Weekend nights

Eddie groaned as the loud music woke him up from his sleep. He opened his eyes and glared toward his alarm clock, he sighed. Another Friday night rest was interrupted by his neighbor.

He reached over for his landline and dialed his neighbor, it rang and rang. Then sent him to voicemail. He rolled his eyes as his call remained ignored by the loud party going on. He slipped on a shirt and walked over to his window. Not to his surprise, the yard was covered in young kids.

Eddie had been dealing with his neighbor every weekend for the past month, and he was tired of it.

Eddie and Y/N weren't friends, and not even close to being friendly neighbors. Y/N got on Eddie's nerves. The way she purposely drove him crazy then batted her eyelashes and faked innocence. She crashed her car into his garbage bins and refused to take the blame. On Halloween she egged his house, only to send him a kiss when he marched out the door. She was a pain in his ass.

~~

Sunday morning arrived and Eddie pounded on the Hargrove's door. He came face to face with Billy. The annoyed look made Eddie think twice.

"You have any idea what time it is Munson?" Billy growled, his strong arms crossed and Eddie tried not to back down.

"Do you have any idea what time your daughter's parties go until? It's been a month since of her waking me up at two am because she refuses to turn down the music. I've called, I've crashed the party, and she has no respect!" Eddie ranted.

"Are you at my door and excusing my daughter of throwing wild parties when I'm not home?" Billy glared, unaware Y/N was coming down the stairs. Her eyes caught Eddie, and she smirked. She yanked down her little tank top, allowing her breasts to pop through.

Eddie bit his lip as he tried to hold in his annoyance. She always played mind games.

"Why would I lie?" Eddie fought back, his attention back on Billy.

"My daughter is a good girl, and she has respect. Get off my porch." Eddie sighed as the door slammed in his face, but still caught the wink Y/N sent.

~~

It was Friday night once again, and Eddie pulled into his driveway. He was tired from work and needed uninterrupted sleep. He walked towards the Hargrove's house and pounded on the door.

"Mr. Munson, how can I help you?" Y/N flirted, her body leaning towards him as she smirked. She would never deny it, if anyone asked her she'd admit how hot she thought Eddie was. And the countess times she thought about him late at night. Eddie marched in the house and Y/N closed the door behind them.

"Oh stop the act," Eddie sneered, "tonight I want silence. No party, no friends, nothing. I want to sleep through the night without your games. I am done with the disrespect."

Y/N couldn't help but clench her thighs as Eddie scolded her. The older man always had her attention and she loved pestering him. She loved that heat and anger in his eyes.

"Oh? And I'm supposed to just obey? It's not like you're my daddy." She pouted, batting her eyelashes. Eddie hated to admit the nickname made him shiver.

"You drive me insane." Eddie groaned as he rubbed his hands over his face. Not noticing Y/N inched closer.

"Maybe I want to drive you insane," She whispered, he jumped when he felt her cold hands slide down his chest. He dropped his hands, moving to move her hands but caught himself not wanting to.

She turned her head to the side and looped her fingers through his belt loops.

"Why?" he whispered back, licking his lips as he looked down at hers.

"Because I want you to fuck me, Munson. Use that aged brain of yours."

She gasped when Eddie dug in hand in her hair, a soft yet harsh tug. "Watch your mouth, young lady." He threatened.

"Yes, sir." She moaned, she swore her mouth was watering at how close his mouth was to hers.

"Why didn't you use your big girl words to ask me? Why pester me and drive me insane?" He asked, his other hand lifted up her chin. He smirked at how easily she turned into a puddle in his hands.

"More fun this way." She tried to laugh but his lips were on hers before she could think. She moaned into his mouth and hungrily gripped at his body. He felt so hard yet soft underneath his dirty white tank top.

"Fun indeed," he teased against her lips as he pulled away.

"What if I fuck you every weekend and you don't throw parties?" He asked, his hand slipping into her pants, he pushed her underwear aside and began to finger her tight cunt.

She panted as she tried to think of words. Sounded like the perfect deal in her head. His fingers felt like a blessing inside of her, and his tongue in her mouth set her on fire.

"Deal" she moaned as she began to ride his fingers.

"Daddy's good girl my ass." Eddie snickered.

Eddie didn't dread the weekends anymore....

tags!

@bmunson86 @mxcheese @ladymunson @michaelfuckinglangdon @z0mbie-blah @biittersweet @mirrorsstuff @somethingvicked @micheledawn1975 @ago-godance @magnificantmermaid @tlclick73 @hargrovesswifee @cityofidek @manyfandomsfanvergentreblogs @silky-luxe @lokiofasgard616 @loving-and-dreaming @eddiemunsonsbitch69 @thegemaqua @ashlynnkennedy @strangerthingsstories5255 @harringt8ns @pleasinghellfire @whoscamila @stusdollface93 @gretavankleep37 @bellaisswagger

[outsidersstuff16]

Darry Curtis Smut

tw. Fem Reader, Oral, face fucking, vaginal penetration, no protection, loss of virginity, and Darry being low-key rough as fuck.

Plot line: In which! Darry and you had been going strong for six months, you had been very nervous about loosing your virginity but Darry shows you it'll be ok!

It was a typical Friday night at the Curtis house, you had been here before. You had a beer in hand that you weren't drinking cause you didn't do alcohol. All the boys wanted to go to a movie, leaving you alone with Darry. Darry had walked over to you with a VERY noticable bulge in his jeans.

"hey.." you said quietly, bouncing your leg nervously awaiting a reply from him.

"Hey, so uh.. I was thinking since nobody's home we could.." he trailed off hintingly

"well uhm.. I really.. I don't think I could I'd love to but.. I'm a virgin.. I heard it hurts the first time.." you said quietly, you truly were nervous..

"oh... Well.. I'll make it feel good, I swear.. I'll try to be gentle, yeah..?" He said, which convincing enough

"ok.." you said quietly, you stood up and he took you quietly to his room, after the both of you guys entered he closed the door behind him, he pushed you up against the ground and started to roughly kiss you. You put one hand on his upper arm and the other on his shoulder as he he hoisted you up.

"I've got you, just be a good girl, yeah..?" He asked quietly, he tossed you onto the bed effortlessly and started to strip you to your pink lacy bra and panties. He took one of your breasts out of the cup of your bra and cupped it, he left one last kiss on your lips before moving down your neck to your chest to your left nipple. He attached his lips roughly to your nipple, rolling it gently between his teeth and putting his full body weight on you as he laid himself down one you. He grabbed greedily at your right breast, he detached his lips from you nipple and started leaving hickies and bite marks on you chest, he started toying with your right nipple. "God, your such a good sweet girl.. I can't wait to see my cock shoved into you right pussy, baby.. you blood running down to my balls and base as I fuck into you. I'll fuck you so hard I've imprinted my cock into you, I'll fuck your cervix, I'll make your entire pussy be bruised." he said before he sucked and rolled your nipple between his teeth just like he did with your left one. When he was done had had you get on the floor on the side of the bed, he took off his pants, underwear, and shirt. "Suck it, baby.." he said sternly. You wrap your pretty lips around his big cock and he just decides to use you as his personal flesh light. He guided you head roughly, face fucking you. You let tears roll down your cheeks as you choked and gagged on his cock, you put a hand on his thigh as he force fed you his cock. "Ahh yeah, fuck baby.. takin this cock in your mouth so good.." he said almost like a demand when he finished, he put you in doggy style before kissing your shoulder and pushing himself in, you cried out in pain as he broke through your resisting hymen, your tight needy virgin pussy bled on him, he thrusted slowly.

"Darry.. 'm sorry I bled on your bed sheets.. I really am..." you whined softly, he leaned down and kissed your shoulder roughly.

"It's fine.." he murmured into your ear. He started to move, slowly and gently, his veins making themselves with each drag of his hips.

"ah.. Darry... please.." you begged softly, you buried your face into his pillow as he spent up his pace. He started thrusting hard, getting drunk on your tight sloppy pussy. He snuck a hand to your perfect tit and groped it and pinched the nipple. You arched your back more, allowing him more access.

"Fuck!.." he groaned out, fucking his cock into you, imprinting the soft walls of your cute cunt as he violated it sweetly. "Best pussy out there I swear... Fuck.. ah yeah.. an this ass of yours.. your luck I don't try fucking it tonight.." he said almost like a threat. You finished first, cumming all over his cock. He had shot his sperm into your cunt and smacked your ass gently, you thought you guys were done but nope. He put you in missionary and thrusted gently at first but the more his pleasure built, the hard he went, he put you in mating press and started slamming his fat cock in you. "Fuck you can't get enough of my cock huh? That's just fine considering I can't get enough of this pussy, God must have kissed this pussy, it's so good... So breedable. God, I could just knock you up right now.." he murmured quietly, finishing again. You guys were done and he laid on top of you burying his face in your chest. "I love you baby.." he murmur quietly, falling asleep, quickly after you fell asleep too.

The End

@lizzy019 you inspire me sm Ilyyy wifeyyy

[swiftiethatlovesf1]

Yearning hearts

Hi, I hope you enjoy this one-shot of Charles Leclerc with angst and second chances.

It's Friday night, so the only place to be in Monaco is Jimmy'z. Your friends and you share laughs and gossip in one of the many booths of the packed club. As your friends talk about their love lives, the dreaded question arrives. "So, Y/N, have you met anyone new? It's been a while since you and he broke up," one of your friends asks. Pity reflects in your friend's eyes, and desperation courses through you. How do you tell your friends that you haven't moved on from your ex, seeing him everywhere? The only thing that comes to mind is, "Yes, I've started talking to one of my colleagues at work." As the conversation moves on to other topics, guilt and yearning are the only things on your mind—well, that and those eyes that haunt you wherever you go. "I'm going to the bathroom," you tell your friends. But instead of heading to the bathroom, you take a turn and end up outside, where the music doesn't drown your thoughts and you can finally think. The silence is interrupted by a voice you haven't heard in a long time. "Y/N?" Charles asks as he nears you. You don't acknowledge him until you feel his presence beside you, his familiar scent making your heart race. What are you supposed to say to the man you thought was the love of your life? The man who told you he loved you and then told you the next day that you needed to break up? The man who appears in your dreams and torments your days? You don't have the heart to answer him, so he continues. "Y/N, please talk to me." Taking a deep breath, you turn to face him, emotions swirling in your eyes. "Charles, you broke my heart," you say, voice trembling with the intensity of your feelings. "One moment you told me you loved me, and the next you walked away. Do you have any idea what that did to me?" His gaze is intense, full of regret and longing. "Y/N, I made a mistake. I thought I was protecting you, but I was wrong. Ferrari was pressuring me, and I wasn't getting the results they wanted. I took it out on you, and for that, I am terribly sorry. I can't stop thinking about you. You’re in my dreams, my every thought. My heart aches for you, your touch, your words, the way your soul seems to understand mine." You step closer, the electricity between you palpable. "If you think you can just come back into my life like nothing happened, you're wrong. You hurt me, Charles. But damn it, I still love you. I don't know whether to kiss you or push you away." Charles closes the distance, his hands cupping your face. "Let me prove to you that I can be the man you deserve. I love you, Y/N. I always have and always will." Your resolve crumbles as his lips meet yours in a searing kiss, all the pent-up passion and pain pouring out. You melt into him, your hands tangling in his hair, pulling him closer. Breaking the kiss, you look into his eyes, breathlessly. "Don't you dare hurt me again, Charles. If we do this, it's all or nothing." His eyes blaze with determination. "All or nothing, mon amour." And with that, you fall into each other's arms, the past melting away as you embrace the love you both never stopped feeling.

[604to647]

Safest with You (Ch. 19 - The Betrayal)

5.3K / Modern AU Retired Mob Enforcer!Din Djarin x fem!reader

Summary: Din addresses the threat made against you the only way he knows how.

Warnings: 18+ Content (MDNI please). Established relationship, unprotected PiV, nicknames (pretty bird, baby, etc.) Angst, angsty angst. Additional warnings withheld to avoid spoilers.

A/N 1: I'm just going to upload this now instead of my usual Friday posting because it's been a doozy to edit and while I don't think I've quite achieved the emotional punch I wanted, I feel like not posting it is holding me back on the next chapters; TLDR - it's not perfect but please take this from me 🙏🏻🫣

A/N 2: I'm sorry.

Series Masterlist / Dividers by @saradika-graphics 😘

It’s been a hell of a week.  More than once, Din’s come home worn down with evidence of some type of altercation etched into his energy.  Whatever is happening with the Mandos these days, it’s different than before – whereas prior to Cass and Rikard’s wedding the toll that the unrest had taken on Din was mainly physical, these days the weight that Din carries on his ever tightening shoulders seems to be more of a mental burden.  He won’t talk to you about it and that alone leaves you anxious with worry for him. 

After what must have been only a temporary respite, months of simmering tension in Din’s world feels like it’s about to break into a boil at any moment and you just know that Din will be in the middle of it when it does.  One night, Din comes home with a nasty knife wound down his side and you have to fight back tears as you do your best to help him clean and patch up his wound.  When it’s clear that your amateur first aid skills won’t be enough, you call Lala who came over immediately and put her nursing degree to use, mending and healing what you could not.  After walking her down the stairs to her waiting cab, you had hugged your friend tightly, thanking her profusely for coming and helping Din.  The look of concern on her face finally breaks you and before you can help yourself, you're crying in her arms – you've never had anyone with whom to share your worry for Din before.  Your friends have seen you stressed over Din in the past, but this is the first time someone has seen evidence of the violence that’s the root behind your anxiety.  Selfishly, you feel a weight lifted off of you from not having to hide this part of your life with Din from your friends for once. 

Climbing the stairs and reciting to yourself the instructions Lala left on how to keep Din’s wound clean and infection-free, you suddenly wonder if Din might be angry with you for having brought in an “outsider”.  But your concerns turn out to be completely baseless, evaporating the moment you fluff the pillows behind Din’s head while trying to make him more comfortable – Din takes your hand and apologizes to you, “I’m sorry, pretty bird.”

“Sorry for what?  Getting hurt?”

“Sorry that I can’t keep this part of my life out of yours.”

Silly old man. “Din, there isn’t any part of your life that I don’t want in mine,” you try to smile at him reassuringly, but he’s already succumbing to the pain medication and drifting off to sleep.

Din doesn’t tell you about the threat made against you - he doesn’t want to scare you or have you living in fear.  He also doesn’t want to add to the anxiety he knows you already carry on his behalf, especially since he doesn’t have any answers right now - the investigation into the threats is not going as quickly as he’d like. 

He knows he's not being fair.  It’s all hands on deck right now - every Mando on the payroll put on protection and surveillance details to ensure that each photographed target has sufficient coverage, including you.  That only leaves a few bodies with enough time and know how to properly investigate the threats and chase down leads.  These things take time, patience, focus – Din knows that, but all he can think about is you and how every minute he hasn’t uncovered the culprit behind the threats is a minute you’re not safe.  It’s distracting him and making him sloppy – like the other night where he literally chased down a lead who ended up pulling a knife on him.

As far as Din’s concerned, even if he has a Mando watching you every second of the day (which just isn’t possible), until he makes headway in the investigation, you won’t be any safer.  He doesn’t tell you any of this - just lets it stew and eat him up.  But you know him so well and he can tell that you know he’s keeping something from you and that it hurts you.  Din had made you a promise a long time ago that even if he can’t tell you everything, he would never make you feel like he was purposefully keeping you in the dark – he knows he’s breaking that promise every day. 

Something has to give. 

Din knows this but he doesn’t know what.  He could tell you everything – you would have to live as you never have before, frightened and terrorized.  Would you blame him?  He already does.  Or he could try harder to pretend that nothing’s wrong – somehow this feels like lying to you and quite frankly, he doesn’t think he could manage it anyways.  What he really needs is a break to come in the case so he can take out whoever is behind this, but he has no concrete way of making this happen.  In lieu of that… he could remove the target over your head another way.  There are no good options.

Then, without warning one night, it hits him square in the jaw what the only option is. 

It’s near closing time at the gym, but there aren’t any people working out – just a Mandos gathering.  Paz leads the meeting which consists primarily of going over surveillance reports and handing out protective detail rotations.  The atmosphere isn’t relaxed by any stretch of the imagination, but nothing out of the ordinary has come up recently and if anything, the meeting is fairly routine.

Din is only half listening to the protection assignments, having already heard that Jimmy and Mayfeld are assigned to you this week, when out of the corner of his eye he sees Brian get a text and leave to make a call outside, but he never makes it past the front doors of the gym.

Even from a distance, Din can hear Brian’s girlfriend through the line; she’s upset, nearly hysterical, whatever Brian is saying to her completely masked by the sobs coming through the phone. 

Having been silenced by what they can’t help but overhear, the Mandos all watch as Brian returns hurriedly to talk to Paz, voice low while his girlfriend appears to stay on the line; Brian has his hand over the mouthpiece of the phone but her loud sniffling can still be heard through the ear piece of the receiver.  When Brian leaves, practically running out the door – Paz calls out for a few Mandos to follow with him, but not Din.

“You should go see Lil’ Lady, brother.”

“Why? What happened?” Din panics.

It wasn’t Paz’s intention to alarm his friend needlessly, realizing too late the folly of his words, “Brian’s girlfriend was being followed while she was out walking the dog.  Not even very discretely.  Two cars filled with guys won’t stop harassing her – she’s not close to home so we’re going to go deal with it.”

“While she was walking the dog?!” Din’s immediate thought goes to you and Al as Paz knew it would.

“Yeah.  We’ll go with Brian.  You go home, ‘kay brother?”

Din’s already packing up, ready to close up the gym and head to your place, the buzzing in his head drowns out anything Paz might be saying: “nothing to worry about” or “it’s not the same.”

It might as well be the same.  Brian’s girlfriend was walking the dog.  You walk the dog.  She was alone.  You walk Al alone.  She had been so very frightened – he could hear it over the phone, and his heart constricts painfully imagining that same current of fear in your voice.  She has a detail, of course, but apparently whoever had gone after her was willing to take the chance, or somehow knew when she would be alone, without Brian and when her security would be rotating off. 

The Mandos can only do so much – even with their efforts, none of the targets being protected are 100% safe 100% of the time.  As he drives, Din can’t help but replay the sound his brain conjures of what you might sound upon realizing you’re in danger, scared and crying out for his help.

By the time he pulls up to your building, he’s come to the only solution that’s viable in order to keep you safe.  The one that that increasingly loud, incessant voice in his head has been nattering about since he saw those photos of you.  With a heavy heart, he picks up his phone and dials a number that he hasn’t called in a long, long time.

For the past few days, Din’s been coming home earlier and you can tell he’s making an effort not to bring Mando business home with him.  While you appreciate it, you think you would much rather if he told you more about what was going on, or at least be less closed off with you.  Tonight, he comes home tonight with flowers and a big bag of take out from your favourite Thai place as a surprise – you know he’s trying to make up for his mood the last two weeks; his sweetness warms your heart – he’s shut you out a lot recently but you know he probably hasn’t meant to.  And while you don’t need him to apologize for it, you do need him to know he can open up to you about what’s troubling him – the two of you have come such a long way since the first time he told you about his connection to the Fetts; it seems silly to keep you in the dark so much after saying, in Din’s own words, that you were one of them.  Sitting down with your plates, you let Din know as much in a gentle and calming manner – you don’t want him to feel bad, you just want him to know you want to be there for him.

Din sighs, “I know, I’m so sorry, pretty bird.  I don’t mean to shut you out.  I… just don’t want any darkness to ever touch you.”

Leaving your plate behind, you climb into Din’s lap and run your hands through his soft curls, gently placing soft kisses to the corners of his mouth before cupping his face in your delicate hands and cradling it so he looks at you, “I know, baby… but I’m a big girl.  And I know that I have my big bad wolf to take care of me if things are too much.”

Din smiles and closes his eyes, feeling a tingle every place where the soft graze of your fingers touches his skin: his face, jaw, neck.  He could stay like this forever, just melting into your touch.

Nodding, he tells you what you need to hear, “Tomorrow night, I have to do something that I’m dreading.  But it needs to be done and I’m the only one who can do it.  But, pretty bird – if there was any other way, I would never entertain it.  I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.  It consumes my every waking thought.  It will be one of the hardest and maybe worst things I’ve ever had to do – and I don’t even have any idea if it will even work.  I don’t think I’m at all prepared for what will happen after - I’m scared, baby.”

Din's telling you the truth.  Tomorrow, he’s leaving.  Tomorrow, you’ll hate him.  He doesn’t know how he will find the strength to go through with what he has planned - all he knows is that he has to.  He’s almost afraid to open his eyes – he knows that when he does, he’ll be met your understanding and unwavering sympathy for his plight; you always look at him with so much care, love and belief in his goodness.  His heart shatters at how much he’s going to betray that trust.

“Will you be in danger?” you ask, timidly – you won’t ask details because you don’t think Din will give you any, but you’ve never heard Din speak this way before.  Normally so fearless, it’s so unsettling to hear your big, strong warrior admit that he’s afraid.

His eyes forlorn, Din nods, “I wouldn’t rule it out, baby.  If things go a certain way, I’ll go back to my place to lay low, okay?  No matter what, I’ll call you before 9:00 to let you know I’m okay.”

Still holding his face in your hands, you study your sweet, brave Din’s face and try to convey with your own gentle expression that you believe in him, that everything will be alright.  He reads you perfectly and his chest tightens even more – no matter what, you always remain his biggest supporter, confident in his abilities and his decency.  His precious pretty bird.  He closes his eyes and inhales your sweet scent, a mix of your floral perfume and the nameless subtle scent that he associates with just you, as you flutter soft butterfly kisses all over his face and neck.

That night Din takes you to bed and makes love to you.  His loving gaze and hands try to memorize every line and curve of your figure; he kisses your lips swollen so they’ll imprint on his own.  Mentally, Din attempts to record every sigh and sound of pleasure that falls from your mouth, hoping he’s captured them properly so he’ll never forget them.

He makes you sing with his fingers and mouth, honouring every deep valley and cresting wave of your body and thanks you for allowing him the privilege of knowing it so intimately by touching the very deepest, loveliest parts of you.  He drinks from you like a parched man in a desert that knows what he’s found is a mirage, but it’s as good to a desperate man as an oasis, so he’ll have more than his fill while the fantasy lasts.  He gives you mind numbing pleasure and takes none for himself, hoping that every orgasm his gives you tonight will somehow lessen the hurt he’ll inflict tomorrow.  The less selfish part of him knows that it will actually hurt more, but he cannot regret devoting himself to you for just one more night.

When Din finally enters you, it’s with him positioned on top - pinning you beneath his formidable frame, caged in and safe.  He won’t take you any other way tonight.  He won’t look anywhere else tonight but your bright eyes, the ones that remain, for now, filled with adoration and love.  If there’s anything he swears to himself that he’ll remember, it’s these eyes.  They close whenever he steals your air by uncovering those secret parts of you that only he can reach, and snap open wide as you gasp to the sensation of Din dragging along your tight, warm walls.  Later, after he’s already pulled two from you, Din slowly thrusts, stretching and filling you so that you both feel every inch of his worship and he watches them fill with tears.  “I know, baby, I know,” he whispers, not sure if he’s reassuring you or himself as his kisses your wet cheeks. 

The final time you come, you do so in tandem, both you and Din crying out loud, unashamed, and desperate.  Collapsing on top of you, Din softly chants words of praise and love: ‘I love you’ ‘You’re perfect’ “There is no one for me but you’ timed to his still pulsing cock, trailing off only when the fluttering of you sated cunt subsides.

---

You wake some time in the night to the gentle movements of Din’s lips pressed into your hair, murmuring words that you don’t understand, either because they’re too quiet or because your brain isn’t quite awake enough.

“Din?” you mumble, still half asleep.

“Sorry, pretty bird,” Din gently pets your hair, “didn’t mean to wake you. Go back to sleep, sweetheart.”

Rolling so you’re now facing him, you gently extricate one of your arms from under the covers and run your fingers down the strong line of Din’s jaw, smiling softly at the way his scruff tickles your finger.  Din closes his eyes at your feather light touches.

“Can’t sleep because you’re worried about tomorrow, baby?”

Without opening his eyes, Din nods and leans into your hand, encourage you to give his face more of your soft scratching.  He’ll miss this. Your soothing touch. The way you read him and know his feelings sometimes better than he does himself. And, of course, your sweetness - how you take on his troubles as your own so he never feels alone, and honestly, just how much you care. You care so deeply, about him, about everything, and it tears Din’s heart out that soon your beautiful soul will be marred by what he has planned.

He opens his eyes to what he will forever insist is the most gorgeous sight his eyes will ever behold: you smiling lovingly at him, softened eyes full of fondness, confident that the man you’re gazing at adoringly cherishes you, one who deserves how you cherish him right back, “Whatever happens, Din, we’ll get through it.  Together.  But you should get some sleep, baby - you probably need to be well rested for tomorrow.”

He nods again, he’ll agree to anything you say so not to burden you will extra worry or concern.  Still taking care of him. Always caring for him. Fuck. You’re a heaven he never thought he would find.  Din mirrors your actions, stroking your cheek softly as you smile sleepily at him, his gentle actions doing what they intend - lulling you slowly back to sleep.

“You’re so pretty,” Din whispers, unable to string together something more eloquent; it’s beyond him right now to find the words expressive and articulate enough to describe the beauty he’s looking at.

No matter - your face glows at his compliment, “Thank you, baby. You always make me feel so pretty.”

“You are,” Din’s voice is indulgent and true.

“And you make me feel so safe.”

“You are,” his chest tightens a little at this sentiment.

“So loved,” your voice lilts up a little at this declaration, soaring above the notes of the words and its pretty melody makes Din's heart take flight.

“You are,” Din’s emotions nearly choking him now.

“And so happy,” the look on your sleepy face is tranquil, trusting, content.

“Oh, fuck, pretty bird.  You make me so happy, too,” Din’s voice cracks. It’s such an understatement, in some ways even derivative of how you actually make him feel and yet, not untrue - you make him deliriously happy.

“And loved?”

“Yes, baby, I feel loved,” he grins at the innocence in your voice, though he knows when it comes to the lyricism of your words, nothing you say is by chance.

“And safe?”

“Very safe.”

“And pretty?” and there it is: your silly, teasing grin - wide and self satisfied, like a Cheshire Cat.

Din gives you what you want, “Yes, I feel pretty.”

“You’re the prettiest, Din,” you yawn, eyes ready to close but still crinkled in mischief. Not for the first time he wonders at your playfulness and how you always manage to make laugh. He will miss these lighthearted, carefree moments with you the most, he thinks. Miss making you laugh right back. Oh, your laugh. He wishes there was someway he could record it, to have on hand and replay anytime he needed to lift his spirits.

“Ok, sweetheart. It’s clear you’re delirious.  Time for sleep,” he nuzzles his nose against your neck as you giggle.

“Nope, I’m going to remember every word of this tomorrow morning, pretty man,” you insist, though your languid, sinking body belies the conviction in your tone.

Once he hears your soft, sleepy purrs, Din resumes what he was doing before you woke.  He certainly was not sleeping; he won’t let any of these last remaining moments he has with you go to waste.  Instead, he contents himself just watching you sleep in peace, admiring your beautiful features, unable give them up for even a minute more than he has to - not when he knows that this is the last night he has with you in his arms. 

And so, he appreciates as much of you for as long as he can - soaking in your presence and the warmth of your lithe body against his, feeling your soft calm breaths as your chest rises and falls in your worry free sleep.  He murmuringly declares all his love, devotion and regrets, knowing he will never have a chance to speak these truths directly to your face; so like a coward, he pours them out now, hoping something within you will hear him and always know how deeply he cares for you.  And how very, very sorry he is.  He admires your loveliness for as long as he can, forcing himself to keep his eyes open to the woman he loves until he’s overtaken by exhaustion.

How long is too long?  This is the question you ask yourself at half past 9:00 pm.  When you last saw Din, kissing him goodbye this morning as you left for work, he had reassured you again that he would be careful today and he would check in by nine o'clock.

It’s been an entire day of trying to keep your mind off what Din is doing and failing miserably.  You can’t get the image of your strong hulk of a man - the fighter, the protector - looking so unsure of himself, beaten, frightened.  Anxiously you’ve been awaiting his call all evening, fidgeting and unable to sit still or focus on any task that you attempt to pick up for a distraction.

Is he hurt?

This fear plagues your thoughts starting at 8:00 pm and only intensifies as time ticks by. 

“Fuck it,” you say to Al at 10:00 pm, “I’ll take you for a walk when I get back, ok bud?”  Al looks at you as if to say ‘It’s about time, Lady’ before laying his head back down for a nap that will thankfully be undisturbed by your restlessness.

You fret the entire cab ride to Mando’s, but mercifully, it’s quick.  About to put your key in the lock, it strikes you that it might be a good idea to exercise some caution, so instead, you knock softly.  Worried when Din doesn’t answer right away, you say quietly through the door, “Din, it’s me.  Are you there?  Are you hurt?”

To your relief, you hear the lock start to turn; but when the door finally opens, your stomach drops. 

It’s not Din. 

Instead, Vanessa stands on the other side of the door, half naked - wearing only her underwear and one of Din’s button-up shirts.  You look at each other in silence for what feels like forever; your mind feels foggy, unfocused, but you think you perceive a small smile on her lips.  With every second that passes, the strangling pressure on your heart grows stronger, smothering every loud beat.  Finally, you find your voice, “Is Din here?”

And suddenly he is.  Visible from the doorway and standing only a few steps behind Vanessa, Din’s shirtless and his pants are unbuttoned, as if he had pulled them on in a hurry.  He can’t quite make eye contact with you, and in this moment, any hope that you might have had that this isn’t what it looks like, vanishes. 

Vanessa turns and steps towards Din - as she is about to pass him, she stops at this shoulder and says, loudly, “When you’re done, come back to bed, baby.” Cupping the far side of his face, she pulls him towards her, planting a kiss to the corner of his mouth before she walks off in the direction of the bedroom.

You look away and try to swallow the sob that's trying to claw its way out of your throat.  Din is coming towards you now and instinctively, you back away.  This is not your Din.  Not the Din who always leaves you the last bit of milk for your morning coffee.  Not the Din who holds his hands over your eyes during scary movies, but narrates for you what’s happening because he knows you still want to know.  Not the Din who pledged his love and loyalty to you.  Not your Din.  But your Din is a lie. You think you're going to be sick.

Din watches as you shrink away from him and his heart shatters.  He knows with certainty that he’s lost you.  Yes, this is what he planned for; he needed you to no longer be his. If you weren't his, there would be no incentive for anyone to target you - but seeing you so hurt and being the one to hurt you is more agonizing than he could have prepared for.

He shuts the door so that it’s just the two of you standing in silence in the hall.  Willing yourself to look up, you stare at Din directly, “I came tonight because… I thought you might be hurt.” 

I know, baby, Din laments, I knew you would.  Because you’re considerate and all kindness.  And I leveraged your goodness like a weapon and used it against you.

You pause, still trying to reconcile what you’ve stumbled upon and what you’ve believed up until tonight to be the essence of the man you love.  Didn’t Din assure you that Mandos never cheat?  That he has never and would never?  That you were enough for him?  As if to give him one last chance to somehow offer an explanation that your brain couldn’t conjure up on its own, you continue in a smaller voice, “Just last night you were telling me how happy I make you,” your eyes desperately search his, “How could you do this?”

You do, pretty bird.  You make me so very happy.  Din looks at you with a resigned expression, “I told you… I’m not a good guy.”

You don’t know what you expected – a denial maybe?  Some attempt by Din to comfort you?  An acknowledgement of how he’s betraying a year long relationship that had been one of the happiest of your life?  Somehow this stoic non-response stings just as much as the cheating. 

“No. You’re not,” you whisper.

Din can only look at you sadly, eyes downcast in shame.  No, I’m not, pretty bird.  Finally.  You acknowledge the very truth that Din’s been running from since he met you.  You and your goodness had almost convinced him that despite the things he’s done in the past, or what his connections and ties are, he might be good too - good enough for you.  But a man worthy of you wouldn’t place you in danger just by association; the man you deserve would never betray your sweetness or belief in him by leading you into darkness without your knowledge.

“… you’re an asshole.”

“I am.  I’m sorry.”  It’s the most truth he can offer you tonight.

The tears are coming now and there isn’t anything you can do to stop them.  Your body is screaming at you to leave, to get yourself far away from Din and the flaming wreckage of what you thought was a true and deep love - one you had given all of yourself to and for which you were now left with only questions that you know will never be answered.  “I never want to see you again,” you manage to choke out.

Din is grateful for the small grace that he won’t have to lie to you again.  “You won’t.  I promise,” he whispers, devastated.

And with that, you turn and flee.

---

Din stays standing on the landing until he hears the downstairs door slam; you never turned around and he is suddenly very aware that he will never look upon your face again.  The realization hits him with a force the tips him against his door; he closes his wet eyes and rests there for a minute before going back into his apartment.  When he turns from closing his door, he finds Vanessa standing in the living room, looking at him expectantly.

“Well?”

Din sighs. “Well, what?”

“Is it done?”

Is what done? Is he done breaking the heart of the only woman he’s ever truly loved?  Is he done ruining the best thing that’s happened to him a long time?  Destroying something that’s brought a light to his life he never thought was possible?  He supposes it is done.

Din sighs and nods.  He’s not unappreciative of Vanessa’s help, but she represents everything he’s broken tonight, “Thank you for your help, Vanessa.  Do you need a ride? I can drop you off on my way.”

Vanessa smiles coyly, “Right now?  I thought we could…” she lets her voice trail off, looking eagerly at Din.  But when he remains unmoved, face dispassionate and detached, she takes the more direct route, “I mean, she already thinks we had sex.  We might as well actually have sex.”

Din doesn’t have any fight left in him; he just needs tonight to be over, “I don’t think we can do that, Vanessa.  I have to go, are you sure I can’t offer you a ride?”

She dresses as she gathers her things, annoyed, “Where do you have to go?  Are you going after her?”  Hands on her hips, she looks at him in disbelief, “Din. She hates you.”

“I know she does.  But I still want to make sure she makes it home okay.”

Exasperated, Vanessa storms past Din and out the door, ignoring his offer of a ride and for the second time in ten minutes, Din hears his downstairs door slamming closed. 

---

Din expects you make it to your apartment before him, but he has enough time to park his truck and find a spot where he won’t be seen before he sees you come downstairs with Al.  Your pretty face is ashen and a look of shock is still written on your face.  With a lump in his throat, he watches you let Al do his business and the ensuing tug of war between you and your dog, both intent on going in opposite directions.

His chest aches when he hears you cry as you kneel down, “I’m sorry buddy, I can’t take you for a long walk tonight.  I’m sorry.”

Your sweet pup shows you the compassion and care that Din can’t offer you, allowing you to lead him back into the building without further fuss.

Din stands on the sidewalk, looking up at your apartment far into the night.  He experiences a sinking sensation of déjà vu, remembering the last time he was in this position – when he ended things with you after your third date.  What a fool he is, letting go of his perfect match twice; the finality of his actions this time leaves no hope in his chest.  And so, Din remains rooted where he stands, not moving even when his legs start to protest; he barely registers your security detail coming over to check on him.  Jimmy’s calls of his name or questions as to what happened are unable to cut through the dull droning in Din’s head of his own failings.  Called in by an panicked Mayfeld, Paz arrives a short while later; upon seeing Din’s near catatonic state, he intuits with disbelief what Din did tonight.  With some difficulty, Paz draws Din away and back towards his vehicle – Din never even hears his best friend’s insistent whispers that things will be okay and that they have to go.  His head is filled only with you and a sad recitation that drowns out all other voices: I’m sorry, pretty bird.  I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.

Bc I'm not posting on my usual day, tagging a few people that have been so patient with me and supported this series. Ty ilysm 🥹 @tuquoquebrute @furiousmushroom @cheekychaos28 @72scsuze

@toobsessedsstuff @whirlwindrider29 @inept-the-magnificent @mellymbee @that1nerd-20

@hipabbster23 @bitccchmood @bigbutchenergee @rainbowcat164 @the-strawberrythief

@johnssherlock221 @misstokyo7love @vivian-pascal @florxdexcerezo @fanficlover1414

[bunnliix]

Love Shot

Inspired by this dialogue prompt from @creativepromptsforwriting "You’re so adorable. I want to pick you up and never let you down."

word count: 1 260 warnings: drinking, alcohol, (not) unrequited crushes, reader getting drunk, reader wanting to get blackout drunk

I was never the type of person to go out clubbing and drinking. Any of my friends could tell you that. I normally stayed far away from clubs, they were far too loud for my taste, and yet here I was on a Friday night, by myself trying to get blackout drunk. There's a bit of a backstory on how I got here, and it all started earlier while I was on campus.

For a bit of backstory, most of my friends I met while in college, except for Felix. Felix and I have been friends since high school. We were both the nerdy type of kids, except that he had the advantage that puberty was nice to him. While I've had a crush on him since I met him, however I valued my friendship with him too much to ever say something. I'd rather an unrequited love, than to lose him over something simple like a crush. It ended up happening by pure coincidence that we attended the same college, but it worked out really well for me. I'm more of an introvert, while Felix is the extrovert who makes all of our friends, and that's more or less what happened.

Most of that isn't really important though, to be honest, except that I still have the biggest crush on Felix, six years later. He and the rest of our friend group, affectionately called "Stray Kids" for some reason or another, are the campus hotties. Which means I get to see girls upon girls try and shoot their shot with all of them, and for most of the boys, I don't give a shit who they date. I however get way too envious sometimes of the girls I see hanging around my best friend. Chan, the eldest of the friends, was sitting with me while we watched the boys have fun. 

"Are you ever going to say something to him? About your crush on him?" He questioned me. I turned to him like he was crazy. We've had this conversation a million times, and it was never going to happen. 

"I've told you Chan, he'd never like me that way, and I'm never gonna jeopardize my friendship with him over a stupid crush." 

"You'll never find out if he likes you though, if you never say anything." He retorts.

"I don't wanna find out if he doesn't like me. Besides, there's a good chance I could mess things up between him and I, and I'm not taking that chance." I stood up, and moved to leave the table, grabbing my things as I said goodbye to Chan. I really didn't want to deal with the guys nagging me to finally ask him out, it just made it worse. I headed home, before having the stupid idea that I should go out and drink instead of staying home, but impulsive decisions are a thing I do a lot.

I know it's kind of a shitty reason to be out trying to get blackout drunk at a bar, but honestly I couldn't think of anything better to help me deal with the pain of not being able to tell Felix I like him. I was about four drinks in, and already on my way to being wasted when I felt a hand land on my shoulder. I look back, my vision already blurring to see Felix behind me. "Hiii Lixieeee!" I giggled, waving at him. He grabbed my hand, pulling me away from the bar, while I took my drink with me. 

"Lixie, where are you taking me? I was having a good time at the bar~" I pouted at him, my words slightly slurring. He stopped suddenly and turned to face me, leaning down to cup my face in his hands. 

"Why are you out drinking? This isn't like you." He asked me, looking concerned. 

"Why are you so concerned, Lixie? I'm just having some fun and letting loose a bit. Aren't I allowed to have fun?" I shoot back at him, some frustration coming out in the process. I chug down the rest of whatever was in my glass, feeling the burn as it made its way down my throat. Felix reached to take the glass and put it somewhere out of my eyesight.

"Chan told me where you were. He was out with a couple of the other boys and they saw you here by yourself. You never go out to bars, why are you even here? If you wanted to drink, I would have brought over stuff, and we could've had fun at your apartment. Why are you doing this? Tell me, please?" He questioned me, begging me to answer him. 

I assume it was my lack of self control, but I blurted out, almost angrily at him, "I'm in love with you, okay! I've been in love with your cute face for the last six years, and I can't bear seeing you with other people. I want your eyes on me and only me. And I was never going to tell you because I didn't want to ruin our friendship." I couldn't bear to look at him after that. Felix went silent, and I started getting tears in my eyes, which started falling when the man started chuckling.

"You’re so adorable. I want to pick you up and never let you down." That made me look up at him in surprise. "Did you never think I wanted you too? I've wanted you so badly, wanted to call you mine. I was too scared that you wouldn't feel the same way. Oh baby, I think we've both been idiots for a little too long." He pulled me into a hug, resting his head on top of mine, before saying, "How about we head home now, yeah? We can talk about this more in the morning, when you're sober." I don't have it in me to do anything more than nod.

He takes me back to his car, opening the passenger door and helping me in, before going around to the driver's seat. He started the car and drove us the short ride to his apartment he shared with a couple of our friends. I was still a bit too intoxicated to walk by myself, so Felix assisted me up into his apartment, and then into his bedroom, having me sit down on his bed while he found clothes for me to wear. He set them out on the bed, pushing me to change into them while he went and found a spare toothbrush for me to use. By the time he returned, I had changed into the shirt he left me, but decided not to put on the shorts. He handed me the toothbrush, and since I had been here before, I knew my way to the bathroom. I quickly washed up, feeling a bit less wasted by the time I returned to his room. Felix was already waiting on his bed for me to get back, and ushered me into his bed and under the covers, while he laid down on top of them. 

I looked up at him, and softly asked, "Can you hold me while I fall asleep?" He nodded, blushing and moved under the covers with me, as I rested my head on his arm as his other one came around my waist. 

He softly kissed my cheek as he whispered, "Good night." It didn't take me long to fall asleep in his arms, feeling the happiest I had been in a while.

[bloodyjuls-blog]

I was so stupid

Leah Williamson X Reader

⚠️ Warning ⚠️: part 2 of goodbye my lover. If you read it you know what I mean in case of not it's just pure angst. This seems to be the light at the end of the tunnel

Lucy POV

I woke up at 5 in the morning because I had to go to training at 8, I looked at my phone and realized that y/n had called me 3 times. I was quite worried because I was the only person (Ona too, but not at the same level of intensity) who had been with her in those difficult moments such as a divorce and the separation from her son. Little Sage who is such a sweetheart and Y/n too and now because of Leah's stubbornness they’re not together makes me quite angry.

I decide to call y/n back but she sends me to inbox, so weird. Yesterday I spoke to her and she told me that she was going through a bad time and that the pains in her chest had returned. Knowing that I am in Barcelona and she is in London makes me even more nervous because she could suffer a cardiac arrest and not have anyone to help her with it and now even less cause Leah apparently turned everyone against her. I don't understand.

Leah POV

*Beep beep beep*¨

Who in their right mind calls at 5 am on a Friday. “Hello” I said in a rather sleepy tone. Sage hadn't slept well, I felt him agitated. He always sleeps peacefully. “Hi Leah, I'm Lucy,” she tells me in a worried tone. “What's wrong Lucy? looks at the hours” I said calmly. “It's Y/N, I'm worried because she's been calling me in the early morning and I want to know how yesterday's conversation with her went?” she says worriedly. “Well, the talk has gone well, a bit of a farewell tone, but very normal. She also called me this morning too, although she seemed like drunk or drugged, her voice sounded very weird,” she says in a stern voice. “No Leah, how can you think that, she is doing those things that are on TV or in the gossip magazines. She is like this because the divorce and now you have left her without a job. Are you stupid or what?” Lucy says super angry. “Oi, calm down or I'll hang up on you, these are not the hours to argue, girl” I say calmly. “Leah, for God's sake, y/n could have suffered a cardiac arrest and you didn't even realize it, did your new girlfriend whitewash everything you felt for y/n? Have you realized how bad she has had it since she was kicked out of the club because of you and since it wasn't enough for you, you kicked her out of the house without even being able to take a jacket and her wallet, having to listen to her at 3 in the morning heartbroken because she doesn't know what she was going to do without you, you know that she has been living in a seedy hotel for 3 months since you kicked her out of the house? The sad nights when she misses her baby?…" Lucy says very seriously. "I'm sorry Lucy, I didn't know anything about that, I've been very selfish, but it all came down to me anyway, the absence, the times she ignored my presence and focused only on Sage, I've also missed her a lot, Lucy". I say in a worried tone. “Leah, I need you to go to The White Heart Hotel, which is 8 minutes from your house, ask the front desk for room 203 and make sure y/n is okay. Please". She says in a tone that I can't understand. "Okay, I’ll go now I’ll text you later" I say, worried but willing to collaborate.

"God y/n, I hope you're okay, damn it, why I didn’t pay you more attention, if something happens to you, I won't forgive myself" I say to myself.

Once I arrive at the hotel, which looks very seedy.

“Hello,” I ask at the reception, a little agitated. "Hello Miss. How can we help you,” the girl tells me without flinching. “Mmm yes, I'm coming to visit my friend y/n who is staying in room 203” I say nervously. “Miss Leah, I'm afraid that the guest Y/n was taken away by the ambulance a couple of hours ago, due to some cardiac incident, the poor girl was so young and had no one to help her at that time if not for the waiter who heard some noises, it's most likely that right now that girl was dead," the girl says sadly. "Excuse me? But she was fine yesterday when I saw her.” “Miss, I recommend you to go to the hospital where the ambulance took you and ask the corresponding questions there,” she says calmly. “Yes, of course, thank you very much anyway,” I say with a little emotion. “My poor y/n, how is this possible?” I sit in the car and tears come out of my eyes, I feel like the guiltiest person in the world. Instead of listening to her and being with her, the first thing I did is abandon her to her fate and if that's not enough, mess with someone who no matter how good person she is, is not y/n. The mother of my son, the love of my life. How stupid I am for God's sake.

Once at the entrance to the emergency room.

I get out of the car and look in the trunk for a facemask. “Damn, I had a box stored here” I say to myself, exasperated as I search through everything. “Here you are” I say, taking the mask under a pile of documents.

At reception

“Good morning miss, can I help you with something?” The nurse at the reception tells me. “Hey, a couple of hours ago an ambulance brought y/n Y/l/n here and I came to ask how she is” I say nervously. “Are you related to her?” she asks me, looking directly at the computer. “I'm her wife, Leah” I say, already stressed from so many questions. “I understand, at this moment, y/n is undergoing surgery due to a heart failure, if you wish you can wait in the coronary surgery waiting room on the 3rd floor and once the operation is finished a doctor will speak with you directly” she tells me. “Damn, well thanks, in the third one did you say?” I say worried. "Yeah".

It's been three hours since I've been here and the only thing that has changed is that a cardiologist has come to tell me that they are having complications with Y/N, and that her prognosis is reserved, that we have to wait and see how the surgery progresses.

Flashback

“Family of y/n y/l/n” a doctor comes out with a worried look. "Me, doctor, I am her wife, Leah Williamson" I say in a broken tone. “Well, Mrs. Leah, I will be very honest with you, at this moment we are performing a pericardiocentesis on Mrs. Y/n because after the cardiorespiratory arrest she suffered in the early hours of the morning we realized that she had cardiac clog, we have done this procedure several times because the patient keeps coming to a standstill and doesn´t come back. I would like you to notify her other relatives just in case. It should be said that the prognosis is reserved and her evolution will determine if the heart does not clog again, for now I will do everything in my power so that the lady does not die,” he says seriously. While he says that I try to process everything. There are possibilities that my love won’t make it and die, I must tell Lucia.

“Lucy, y/n she is dying, she has suffered several cardiac arrests since this morning and is in surgery she’s not recovering” I say between tears and sadness on the call. “Leah, don't be pessimistic. Ona and I will take the first flight there is to London, we will be with you” she says crying. I'm glad Lucy cares about y/n, they're like sisters from another mother. I settle into the chair and send a WhatsApp to Sophie.

To Sophie

Hey how are you? Sophie, did you leave Sage with my mother?

*Yes, as you told me. All good? *

No, something has happened, but first I must tell you that I can't take this anymore, you are a wonderful girl but I am not in the best place mentally. Sorry Sophie, it's better to leave things here.

*What a coward you are Leah, not telling me in person. Ok, I hope I never see you again*

A few hours later Dr. Flynn himself comes out.

“Leah, y/n she is out of surgery, her prognosis is still guarded but we believe she will make a successful recovery. What worried us most was that being so young and out of nowhere having these moments of trauma and even more so knowing that she has a healthy and fit life” he says less worried. “What exactly does she have? Will she be able to continue playing football? What will the recovery be like?” I said a mile an hour. “Miss, slow down please. Miss y/n will be in the coronary ICU for a while due to the sedation we gave her. What we watched in the echocardiogram, in the blood tests and the chest x-ray is an irregularity in her pericardium hence the surgery, but them also show cardiac arrhythmias which means that she won’t be able to practice any high impact sport, as Upon her recovery, her evolution will be marked by how her heart accepts the changes. Most likely, she will always have to carry oxygen and in the future we can consider the use of a pacemaker to help detect any irregularity. “I understand, can I see it?” I say a little more relaxed. “Of course, come with me here…”

To be continued

[agentstarkid]

AN ETERNAL LOVE BULLSHIT ✦ DR3

Based on this ask

✦ PAIRING: daniel ricciardo x famous!latina!reader

✦ CHECKERED FLAG: 3.7K words (I tried to keep it short, oops)

✦ TRACK LIMITS: angst, self-doubt, crying, feelings of not being enough, heartbreak.

✦ MAY'S RADIO: I've had this on my drafts, ruminating on it for days, soooo I hope you guys like it. Vitto, Iza and Chloe are the real MVPs of this chapter! Queens uplifting another Queen 💅🏽💖 This was fun to write! Thank you so much nonnie for this idea! ilysm <3 p.s. can y'all spot the song references? 👀

This is set during Saudade. | Everything between "—" and italized are flashbacks.

< previous chapter | series masterlist | general masterlist | next chapter >

The end of April in California had days of clear skies, endless blue, and a gentle breeze carrying the sweet scent of blooming flowers. The sun shone warmly, casting a golden glow over everything it touched, yet the cheerful weather felt almost mocking to her current state.

Her guitar lay across her lap, repurposed as a makeshift table for the notebook where she hastily scribbled words, each one an attempt to capture the storm of emotions swirling within her. The grass beneath her was cool and grounding, but it did little to tether her to the present. Every line she wrote was a desperate attempt to process the pain, to make sense of the abrupt void he had left behind. 

Life moved on around her with an indifferent rhythm, but her mind was still stuck replaying the scenes in a Bahraini hotel room on a fateful Friday morning in March. She was stuck, a relic in a world that had already moved on, trapped in the shadow of what once was. The ache in her heart was a constant companion, a reminder that she was still right where he left her, struggling to find a way back to herself.

Her pen moved frantically across the pages, as if the act of writing could somehow release the torment inside her. But each word, each lyric, only seemed to root her more firmly in the past. The guitar beneath her fingers, once a source of joy and creativity, now felt like a conduit for her sorrow. She was lost in her own words, hoping that somewhere in the tangled mess of emotions, she might find a way to heal.

But amidst the ache, she found solace in the unwavering support of her friends. 

Since landing in Los Angeles, her friends had been her rock. When days of isolation had left her feeling like a shell of herself, Vitto and Andrew had intervened, offering her refuge in their home outside the city. Their house, tucked away from the relentless glare of cameras and the whirlwind of drama, had become a sanctuary. The quiet of their surroundings was a balm for her frayed nerves.

Baby Iza, their little bundle of joy, at almost 1 year old, was a constant source of comfort. The child's tiny hands and infectious giggles seemed to have an almost magical ability to lift her spirits. It was as if Izabele could sense her sadness and made it her mission to shower her with love and affection. 

With the sun casting gentle rays through the window, the child would toddle into the room with her tiny feet pattering softly on the floor. Her face, a picture of innocent determination, was often lit up by a bright smile. She would clutch a small toy in her chubby hands—a plush animal or a colorful block—and make a beeline for her godmother, as if to say, “Here, play with me. Everything will be okay.”

Sitting down beside her, Iza would arrange her toys with meticulous care, her eyes occasionally glancing up to gauge her mood. They would sit together in quiet companionship, the simple act of play bringing a semblance of peace.

As the night fell and the room grew dim, she would make her way to her aunt's side once more, but this time with a special gesture. She would carry one of her favorite teddy bears, its soft fur worn from countless hugs—she recognized it as the one that Daniel had gifted Iza when she was born. 

Her sleepy eyes would barely stay open, and the pacifier bobbing gently in her mouth gave her a serene, dreamlike appearance. She would approach her aunt with the bear in tow, offering it with the sincerity only a child can muster. The gesture, simple yet profound, was Iza’s way of offering comfort and reassurance. The irony wasn’t lost on her, as the comfort offered by the bear was tied to the person who had broken her heart.

Despite the tangled emotions that the bear represented, she’d accept the gesture with a quiet grace. Each night, she would clutch the teddy bear tightly in her arms as she lay in bed, she would close her eyes and allow the bear’s presence to soothe her. It was a small, ironic comfort, a connection to a past she was still grappling with. She never spoke of it to anyone, keeping this bittersweet detail to herself. 

Vitto and Andrew's kindness, along with Baby Iza’s innocent charm, and Fio and Danna’s constant facetime calls—and impromptu visits—, were her anchors, grounding her in a time of turbulence.

Rumors had started circulating about Daniel moving on with Heidi, emerging just two weeks after their breakup. As she heard whispers and saw the headlines, she felt a deep internal conflict. One part of her mind tried to dismiss the rumors, knowing all too well how the business thrived on gossip and sensationalism. She had been in this world long enough to recognize how quickly false narratives could spread and how little they sometimes reflected the truth.

Yet, another part of her, the part that had been wounded by every argument they’d ever had about their future, couldn’t silence the inner voice that screamed she was a fool. It was the same voice that had questioned every promise, every declaration of eternal love Daniel had made. How could someone profess to love her, to call her the love of their life—a million times—, to talk about rings and cradles, and then, almost as soon as it was over, move on to someone new?

But a single text changed her entire world.

The moment she received confirmation from Chloe that the rumors were true, a wave of crushing disappointment and pain washed over her. It felt as if the ground beneath her had given way, leaving her in a freefall of disbelief and heartache. The confirmation struck her like a physical blow, knocking the breath from her lungs and leaving her feeling hollow inside.

The betrayal was sharper than she could have ever imagined. Daniel, the person she had known better than herself, had indeed moved on after only two weeks. The image she had clung to, the person she had given the benefit of the doubt, shattered into a thousand irreparable pieces. How could someone who had claimed to love her so deeply and had spoken of a future together move on so swiftly? The realization was a bitter, choking pill to swallow.

Her heart ached with a profound sense of loss, not just of the relationship but of the person she thought Daniel was. The trust she had placed in him, the dreams they had shared, all felt like a cruel joke. She felt duped, as if she had been sold a "get-love-quick" scheme by someone who never intended to follow through on his promises. The sense of being deceived cut deeply, leaving a wound that seemed impossible to heal.

She sat there, gripping her pen tightly, her mind swirling with the betrayal she felt so deeply. Without a moment’s pause, her pen began to race across the pages of her notebook, pouring out the raw, unfiltered emotions she could no longer contain. The lyrics flowed from her as if they were the only way to make sense of the chaos within:

And ain't it funny

How you ran to her the second that we called it quits? 

And ain't it funny how you said you were friends? 

Now it sure as hell don't look like it 

You betrayed me 

And I know that you'll never feel sorry 

For the way I hurt, yeah 

You'd talk to her 

When we were together 

Loved you at your worst 

But that didn't matter 

It took you two weeks 

To go off and date her 

Guess you didn't cheat 

But you're still a traitor

With each line, she felt the searing pain of his betrayal more acutely. How could he have moved on so quickly? The words “two weeks” echoed in her mind like a relentless drumbeat, reminding her of how little time it had taken for him to replace her. The sense of being betrayed, of having her trust shattered, was almost unbearable. She had loved him at his worst, given him everything, and yet it had taken him mere days to discard their love and move on to someone new.

The realization that she was right, that he had been talking to her while they were still together added salt to the wound. It made every moment they had shared feel tainted, every promise he had made feel like a lie. The anger and hurt intertwined, fueling the lyrics that poured out of her. He might not have cheated in the traditional sense, but the emotional betrayal was just as devastating, if not more so. To her, he was a traitor, someone who had violated the sacred trust of their relationship.

The pen in her hand paused for the first time in days, the words unable to flow as freely as before. The grief was too raw, too overwhelming to articulate. She felt an intense, suffocating sadness, mixed with anger and a sense of foolishness for believing in him. Her eyes burned with unshed tears, and her chest tightened with the weight of unspoken emotions.

Her phone storage has been filled with voice notes for the past weeks, but the number has elevated exponentially since the news had hit. Her chat with her producer has been overflowing with “What do you think of this?”, demos shared between them back and forth. 

For moments, she was consumed by raw anger, her pen becoming a weapon as she furiously wrote songs that painted him as the villain he had become in her eyes. She felt the fierce determination to make him know—and if his treacherous heart allowed, to feel—her pain.

Each line dripped with venom and sorrow, a raw portrayal of the anguish he had inflicted upon her. The thought of him reading her words and realizing the depth of her suffering provided a fleeting sense of power and justice.

But after the anger came a deep, suffocating depression. The reality of his betrayal settled over her like a heavy, oppressive fog. Each day felt like a battle to simply get out of bed, and her once vibrant spirit seemed to wither under the weight of her grief. She found herself crying at the smallest things, her emotions a raw, open wound that refused to heal.

—

One night Vitto found her in bed, her cheeks tear-stained and her eyes red and swollen, looking every bit as miserable as she felt inside. Without a word, Vitto quickly gathered her in her arms, holding her tightly as the heart-shattering sobs began anew. The weight of her friend’s pain pressed heavily on Vitto’s heart, but she held her close, whispering kind and reassuring words, trying to contain the pieces of her shattered glass heart.

In a voice barely above a whisper, filled with desperation and heartbreak, she asked the questions that had been gnawing at her soul. “Why can't it be me for once, Vitto? Why can't someone choose me?” Her voice cracked with the weight of the pain she felt. “Is it so hard to love me? What's so wrong with me that no one has the will to stay?”

Vitto's heart ached at the sight of her friend so broken, so lost in her despair. She tightened her hold, pulling her closer as if she could shield her from the cruel thoughts that plagued her mind. “There's nothing wrong with you,” Vitto whispered back, her voice gentle but firm. “You are so easy to love, fofinha, and anyone who doesn't see that is a fool.” She prayed that her friend would see the truth in her words. “You deserve someone who sees you for the amazing person you are and who will never let you go.”

Vitto rocked her gently, smoothing her hair and murmuring softly. “You’re strong,” she whispered. “Stronger than you know. You’ll get through this, one step at a time. You have us, and we’re not going anywhere.”

That night, after the tears had subsided, she found herself sitting on the windowsill, staring out into the vast, indifferent sky. The weight of her grief pressed down on her chest as she gazed at the stars, feeling more alone than ever. 

In the quiet darkness, she whispered her desperate plea to any entity that might be listening. She wasn’t asking for fame or fortune, but for something much simpler and infinitely more precious: love. A love that wasn’t for the artist she became on stage or the persona she put on for the cameras, but for her—the real her, with all her flaws, insecurities, and hidden depths.

She was on her knees, metaphorically, begging for someone to change her fate, to alter the prophecy that seemed to doom her to be always left behind. Why couldn’t someone love her as fiercely as she loved them—or even harder?. 

The question lingered in the air, a painful echo of her deepest fears. She longed for someone who would choose her, who wouldn’t toss her aside once the initial novelty wore off and someone else, shiny and new, came along.

The night air was cool against her skin, a stark contrast to the burning ache inside her. She closed her eyes, letting the silent tears fall, each one a small release of the pain she carried. 

She wasn’t asking for much, just someone who would love her, not for what she represented, but for who she truly was. Someone who would see her, really see her, and still choose to stay. The silence of the night offered no answers, but she hoped—prayed—that somewhere, someone would hear her and bring her the love she so desperately craved. The stars offered no answers, but in the quiet of the night, she found a sliver of solace in the act of voicing her deepest wish.

—

The phone rang late in the evening, its sound piercing the quiet of the room. She hesitated for a moment, glancing at the screen. Chloe's name flashed across it, and a part of her almost didn’t want to pick up. But Chloe had been there for her in ways she hadn’t expected, turning from an acquaintance into one of her closest friends. With a deep breath, she answered.

“Hey,” she said softly, trying to mask the exhaustion in her voice.

“Hey, you,” Chloe replied, her tone gentle, almost cautious. “I just wanted to check in on you. How are you holding up?”

There was a brief silence, the kind that stretches out when you’re trying to find the right words to explain a pain that feels impossible to describe. “I’m… surviving, I guess. It’s been hard,” she admitted, her voice wavering.

Chloe sighed on the other end, a mix of empathy and frustration evident in her breath. “I’m so sorry. I can’t even begin to imagine what you’re going through. And I hate that I had to be the one to confirm it. You deserve so much better.” 

Her heart ached at the sincerity in Chloe’s words. “I don’t even know what hurts more—the fact that he moved on so quickly, or that I still can’t hate him for it. I feel like such an idiot, holding on to the person I thought he was.”

“You’re not an idiot,” Chloe reassured her. “You loved him, and you believed in him. There’s nothing wrong with that. But you have to remember that this isn’t about you, it’s about him and his inability to recognize what he had.”

A sad smile tugged at the corners of her lips. “Thank you. It’s just… I keep asking myself how someone can move on so quickly. I thought what we had was real. We talked about a future, Chloe. The farm, rings, babies, all of it. And then, two weeks after we break up, he’s with someone else? It just… it doesn’t make sense.” she said, her voice cracking. “How could he say all those things to me, make all those promises, and then just... move on? Like I never mattered.”

Chloe hesitated, knowing that what she had to say might sting, but also feeling that honesty was necessary. “I know, and I wish I had the right words to make it better. I don’t understand it either. But people… they’re complicated, and sometimes they don’t even realize the damage they’re causing until it’s too late. Sometimes-” she let out a sigh, “Sometimes people make decisions that don’t make any sense, that hurt the ones they’re supposed to care about the most. But that’s on him, not you. You’re allowed to grieve, to be angry, to feel everything you’re feeling.”

“Do you think he ever really loved me?” The question slipped out before she could stop it, her voice barely above a whisper. It was a question that had haunted her since the confirmation of Daniel’s new relationship, and now it hung in the air between them, heavy and loaded with vulnerability.

Chloe paused, her heart aching for her friend. “I think… I think he loved you in the way he knew how, but maybe that wasn’t the way you deserved to be loved. And that’s not your fault. It’s his loss, really. You gave him everything, and he’s the one who couldn’t appreciate it.”

Tears welled up in her eyes, but she fought them back. “It just hurts so much, you know? I keep thinking that if I had done something differently, if I had been better, maybe things would have turned out differently.”

“Don’t do that to yourself,” Chloe said firmly. “You did nothing wrong. You were yourself, and that should have been enough. He’s the one who couldn’t see what he had in front of him. But I see you, and so do the people who really care about you. You’re not alone in this.”

The girl swallowed the lump in her throat, grateful for Chloe’s words, for her friendship. “Thank you, Chloe. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“You don’t have to thank me. I’m here for you, no matter what,” Chloe replied warmly. 

As the conversation between the girl and Chloe lingered, an uncomfortable question bubbled up within her. She hesitated, biting her lip before finally asking, “Chloe, how is Heidi? Is she… nice? She looks like she is.”

Chloe paused on the other end, considering her words carefully. “She is nice,” she admitted softly. “She’s kind and sweet, and she seems like a good person.”

The girl swallowed hard, a mix of emotions swirling in her chest. “I figured as much,” she said, her voice tinged with a quiet resignation. “At the beginning, I wanted to tear her apart, you know? I wanted to pick out every flaw she had, convince myself she wasn’t good enough. But I couldn’t do that… because she just looks so nice and kind. It’s almost like it made everything worse, knowing that I couldn’t even hate her.”

Chloe sighed, understanding the conflict in her friend’s heart. “It’s natural to feel that way, to want to protect yourself by finding reasons to dislike her. But you’re also showing so much strength by acknowledging that she’s not the enemy. It’s okay to feel conflicted.”

The girl nodded, though her throat tightened. “I just wish it didn’t hurt so much, Chloe. I wish I could be happy for him, for them. But it’s hard when it feels like I’ve been discarded, replaced by someone who seems perfect in every way.”

“Listen,” Chloe said, her voice firm yet gentle, “you’re human, and it’s okay to feel hurt and conflicted. But don’t let those feelings define you. You’re more than what he made you feel, and you deserve someone who will see all of you—the good, the bad, and everything in between”

“I know,” she whispered, though the knowledge didn’t make the pain any easier to bear. “It’s just hard to accept sometimes.”

“It is,” Chloe agreed. “But you’ll get there. One step at a time. And remember, just because she’s nice doesn’t mean your feelings aren’t valid. You’re allowed to grieve what you’ve lost, even if it’s complicated.”

—

Slowly, the depression began to give way to a semblance of acceptance—or something that resembled it. It wasn’t forgiveness, nor was it forgetting, but a grudging acknowledgment that clinging to the pain and anger would only prolong her agony.

She continued to write, but the tone of her lyrics shifted. They were still tinged with sadness and loss, but there was also a hint of desperation and sometimes hope.

We broke up a month ago

Your friends are mine, you know, I know

You've moved on, found someone new

One more girl who brings out the better in you.

[...]

And do you tell her she's the most beautiful girl you've ever seen?

An eternal love bullshit you know you'll never mean

Remember when I believed you meant it when you said it first to me?

And now I'm pickin' her apart

Like cuttin' her down will make you miss my wretched heart

But she's beautiful, she looks kind

She probably gives you butterflies.

[...]

I hope you're happy

I wish you all the best, really

Say you love her, baby, just not like you loved me

And think of me fondly when your hands are on her

I hope you're happy, but don't be happier.

Acceptance came in small, painful increments. It was in the quiet moments when Baby Iza’s tiny hand rested on her cheek, or when Vitto and Andrew’s unwavering support reminded her that she was not alone. It was in the act of writing itself, where she could pour out her heart and begin to untangle the threads of grief and loss.

As she sat on the grass, the late afternoon sun casting long shadows around her, she realized that while Daniel’s betrayal had broken her, it had not destroyed her. She would rebuild herself, piece by piece, word by word, until she was whole again. Despite everything, she was still standing.

Through the anger, the depression, and the acceptance, she learned that she had the strength to endure. The scars from this heartbreak would always be there, but they would also be a testament to her resilience and her capacity to heal. And in those moments of writing, she knew she would emerge from this experience stronger, wiser, and ready to embrace whatever the future held.

[darkeralmond]

Rebellious

Rutger Mcgroarty x fem! Reader

song: gorilla - bruno mars

synopsis: y/n is the daughter of the umich hockey coach. you’re in charge of managing the social media page for the team. when rutger catches your eye, your father pulls you aside and says not to get romantically involved with any of his players.

warnings: 18+, smut, rough blow job, dirty talk, hair pulling, oral fem! receiving, oral male! receiving, the use of the word ‘daddy’, she/her pronouns

word count: 1.7k

a/n: this was an idea i came up with a couple nights ago and i really needed to dump it out on someone. the best person to do this with is rutger bc i love him and ik he likes it rough!!

masterlist | request info

You had gotten home from the boys practice after getting some footage of them for the social media page. You always had a special interest in photography and making content. Since your dad was the hockey coach for the University of Michigan, he inaugurated you to be the hockey team’s social media manager.

It was the first day you got prepared to ask the boys questions that you met Rutger. Your dad noticed the way you were looking at him the whole time he spoke and pulled you aside.

“I don’t want you getting romantically involved with any of the boys on my team,” he sternly said. “I already told my players that I don’t need any drama on the team, and I don’t need my little girl heart broken.”

You wanted to argue against it, but your dad’s expression intimidated you. You let out a long sigh before answering, “Yes, sir.”

After practice, Rutger came up to you while you were walking out. “Hey! I thought you were really pretty and I was wondering… do you… uh… wanna go out with me Friday night?”

You frowned and glanced back at your dad who spoke to Dylan and Nolan. You then looked back at Rutger and sighed, “Sorry. I’m not allowed to date guys on the hockey team…” You explained the whole situation to him and you could see his heart break. You felt awful.

He nodded his head and looked down at his feet, “Yeah, I get it. He’s just looking out for you.” He looked back up at you and flashed a false smile.

“Thanks for understanding. I’ll see you tomorrow,” you said before turning away and making your way to your car. He watched as you walked away, his heart sinking at the painful rejection.

That was about 5 months ago, now here he was driving up to your apartment that you shared with your roommate, who got a last minute call from their professor to go to the lab to run some experiments. That meant you were home alone.

He stood outside your door as the rain came pouring down causing him to get soaked in rain water. He knocked on the door, his heart beating fast.

You opened it up and saw a drenched Rutger in your doorway. “Rutger?!” You met his gaze and saw how distressed he looked. “What are you doing here?”

He opened his mouth to speak, but the words got caught on his throat. He let out a sigh as he shook his hands. “Y/N. I am in love with you,” he said.

You stared at him as your mouth dropped open. He wasn’t being serious. There’s no way he was being serious. He knew the rules your dad set in place. “Rutger-”

“I've been in love with you since the first day I met you,” he cut in. “You’re so nice and smart and funny and beautiful… I can't get you out of my head!”

You blinked a couple times, your mind went blank due to the shock. “What?!”

“Y/N,” he said as he stepped closer to you. “I need you. I need you more than anything. Screw what your dad said, I need you.”

“Rutger,” you smiled softly. You brought your hand up to his face and caressed his cheek. His chest fell up and down rhythmically with his breath. “I need you too.”

He smiled widely and placed his hands on your waist. You glanced down at his lips before closing space between you and him. Your eyes fluttered closed as your lips locked together. The first kiss didn’t last long before you both pulled away.

You watched as the smile on his face faded as he leaned back in again, the kiss feeling hungrier than the last one. He craved the taste of your lips and the feel of your body.

His tongue slid between your lips to venture deeper in your mouth. You moaned into his mouth as he did this, his grip on your hips tightening. Your body pressed against him, his erection pressing against your leg. You pulled away out of shock and glanced down at his pants.

“Oh, shit! Sorry!” he immediately apologized, his cheeks flushing bright red. He let go of you and looked away.

You grabbed his wrist which caused him to look at you again. “Don’t be sorry,” you said. “I mean… if you really want to… you know,” you paused as your gaze trailed off somewhere else. “We can.”

You looked back in his eyes and saw the shock, the thrill, the hunger that glinted in them. “Your roommate isn’t home?” You shook your head. “…Are you sure?”

You smiled, “I’m positive.”

That innocent expression on his face quickly changed as he entered the house. You giggled seeing how eager he was to sleep with you. You shut the door after he entered and grabbed his hands, leading him upstairs to your bedroom.

You shut your bedroom door after you entered. You turned to see him already stripping out of his shirt. You laughed, “How long have you been waiting to fuck me?” You stripped out of your hoodie, revealing your black bra.

He looked back at you as he undid the string on his sweatpants. “Well, I’ve had a lot of dreams of you sucking my dick.”

Your facial expression shifted to a coy expression as you approached him again. “Then let’s make that a reality,” you said in a gentle, quiet voice. You ran your fingers through his hair as the two of you shared another heated kiss. The kiss was full of desire and lust.

You pulled away from the kiss and got down onto your knees, tucking your hair behind your ear and out of your face. You traced your finger on his shaft which was strained against the fabric of his boxers. He let out a shaky breath before groaning, “Fuck…”

His erection popped out of his boxers when you pulled them down, he was bigger than you expected. You wrapped your fingers around the base of his dick before taking a couple licks at his slit.

He shuddered at the feeling. “Don’t tease me, Y/N. You’ve already done that enough,” he begged. You did as he said and took him into your mouth. You bobbed your head gently, trying to take all of him.

He grabbed your hair in order to guide you at whatever pace he wanted. As your tongue lapped up his length, his moans filled your ears. His cock grew harder inside your mouth. The more you sucked him, the more the friction drove him crazy. The sensation was intoxicating, making his hips thrust forward uncontrollably. A moan escaped from his throat.

When he was close to climax, he threw his head back and shouted your name, your tongue working overtime to satisfy him. Once he was satisfied, he shot a load in your mouth. You pulled away and coughed.

“Shit,” he frowned and ran his fingers through your hair. “I’m sorry, Y/N.”

You calmed down from your coughing fit and then giggled, “It’s okay! I’m just glad I made you feel good.” You wiped away the mess he left on your mouth.

He smirked at you, “Well, I’m still gonna eat you out.” He swooped you up off the floor and carried you over to the bed. You laughed as he threw you onto the mattress and climbed on top of you.

He removed your shorts easily before throwing them aside.  He stared down at you, placing a soft peck on your forehead before leaning down to kiss you again.

He pulled back and placed trailing kisses that lead to your stomach, then stopping at the spot where your panties started. He slipped them off of you before his lips traveled lower until he reached your clit. He slowly parted your folds as he sucked hard on your clit, causing you to moan loudly.

He worked you harder and faster, making you arch your back slightly. The heat built up between you again, leaving you panting for air and desperate to feel more of his touch.

He stopped sucking on you and ran his tongue along your inner thigh. You let out a gasp as the tingling warmth spread throughout your legs.

He continued sucking your clit while rubbing circles on your wet entrance. Your breaths became heavy and shallow, your hips bucking underneath him.

“Fuck!” you whimpered.  Your orgasm hit you like a truck, leaving you weak on the bed. Your legs felt as if they were going to fall asleep from exhaustion.

Rutger chuckled as he moved his attention back to your clit. He teased it by swirling his tongue over your sensitive nub while licking around it. “Cum, baby,” he mumbled against your skin.

His hand moved upward as he started moving his fingers in a circular motion on your clit. The feeling sent shocks through your body, you couldn’t help yourself from moaning louder and grabbing onto the sheets beneath you. “Yeah, just like that.” He then inserted two of his fingers inside you. “Cum for daddy.” He sent vibrations down to your center as he curled his fingers inside you.

You shouted as your orgasm crashed into you. Your body tensed up as your orgasm gripped your body. You gripped onto the sheets, unable to control yourself as you released every ounce of tension you were holding in.

He removed his fingers from your core, the warm liquid spilling from you in thick trails. He wiped his fingers on the sheets as you began panting for breath. “Do you feel better now?”

You felt rebellious after that. You explicitly went against your dad’s rules. Matter of fact, you did worse than what your dad told you to do. You fucked one of his players and it felt good. “Yeah, I do.”

He laid down next to you and stared at you. You giggled, “What?”

He laughed as well, looking away from you. “Nothing! You’re just so beautiful.” You felt your cheeks flush red at that compliment.

You ran your fingers through his hair and smirked. “Well, now what should we do?”

He hummed. “We could always go on that date...”

You giggled and nodded your head, “Yeah. Of course I will.”

[masked-men-fantasy]

Friday Night (Ghost X M!Reader)

As expected, our Ghosty win the poll.

And instead of 500-ish words, it turns out to be ~1300 words. Also, this is my first time publish short fiction. so expect A LOT of mistake. I apologize for any inconvenient.

NSFW Content. Minor DNI.

It was a typical Friday at the base. Morning briefing, recruit training, paper work, mission planning, and so on. Though it may not sound like much compared to an on-field mission, it is still a tough and stressful one. Both you and Simon know about this well. That is why you and him have a plan for some'stress relief' sessions tonight.

Luckily, Simon got his own bedroom in the barracks for that. Which means you and Ghost will get some privacy. There is no need to worry about those recruits or anyone on the 141 teams.

"Rough day?" You asked Ghost after entering his room.

"Yeah, those bollocks don't give me a break all day," Simon replied, sighing in pain in his skull. "How about you, love? I heard from Gaz that another unit pushed you hard, innit?"

"It's just boring paper work, but worse when it relates to team budgets." You explained.

"Do you want just a cuddle today, then?" He asked, and you can notice his worried tone in it.

"Hell no," you replied suddenly. "I've been waiting all week for this. I will wash myself up; you better be ready when I am out of the shower."

"Someone is eager. I like that." The ghost's eyes say something playful.

You took a shower and cleaned that part where Simon will enter you soon. Make sure that you are clean. Use a liquid soap that has Simon's favorite perfume.

Once you finish your preparation, you walk out of the shower, naked, with a drop of water still on your body. The light in the room is dim, but you can still see Ghost standing nearby his bed, with only his mask and trousers. The upper part of his body now shows perfect muscular abs, some bullet and cut scars, and, of course, his tattoos. He looks at you; his eyes are different from a few minutes ago. This is the eye of a predator looking to munch down on its prey.

You walk to him, getting closer, until your face feels the warmth from his skin.

"Hm, let's get you ready, love." He said this while he grabbed both of your legs and lifted you up like you were weightless, until your crotch was in between his faces.

"Simon?" You were shocked by what he was doing right now.

"Silent, darling." Once Ghost finished that sentence, he lifted a partial part of his mask up and used his tongue to lick your member.

You let out a soft moan. His tongue works well on your shaft. It moves from the tip to its base. And soon later, he wrapped all of yours with his mouth, moving upward and downward slowly.

A soft moan turns into a hard moan. The sensation is getting stronger. You mess around his hair, which he covers with a balaclava, to show how good it feels.

"Simon, I... I am not sure if I..." You tried to say something, but the ghost interrupted you with his action.

His arm supports your back as he lays your upper part on his back, while both of your legs are held by Riley's strong arm, open wide. 

"Let's have a taste," he said, and he worked his tongue inside your hole. He wets your entrance, has a taste, and at the same time makes you relax.

"Ghost, I need you." You murmured.

Perhaps your beg work, Ghost, fully laid you down on bed. He reached for the bottle of lube and started working on your way in. He slowly pushed his finger in patiently. From one finger with a short distance to three fingers that are deep enough.

Since you and Ghost have been together for awhile, he knows your body well, and he does know where your sweet spot is. He curls his fingers up inside and hits the spot that sends electricity all over your body. You let out a loud moan. You shaft to twitching, almost reaching its limit.

"What a whore you are, darling. Just a single touch, and you almost cum." The ghost chuckled deeply and whispered near your ear. "I guess I really broke you, innit?"

Simon then reached for the drawer nearby his bed for a condom, but then you had to hold his.

"No need for one tonight..." You said that with a weak voice.

Although Simon still has a mask on his face, his eyes do tell you everything. Surprise, happiness, eagerness, and lust.

"Alright, it looks like I can finally get to breed you." Ghost said as he slowly stripped down his trousers and underwear, only his cock left. The big member points directly at you; the tip leaks out some cum, showing the sign that he could not wait any longer as well.

"Relax; I don't want to break you yet." He whispered while slowly pushing his big log inside your entrance.

Even with Simon's preparation previously, you still feel pain running through. But it is a sweet kind of pain. One that makes you melt with pleasure.

"Bloody hell. So tight. So warm..." He murmured. His hot sigh makes your body shiver.

Soon, all of his members will be inside. You feel so full. Although this is not your first time, you can never get used to how big his thing is.

"Your face says everything. Does it feel that good?" He asked while he started to move his hip slowly, his finger pinching your nipple, while others slowly played with the tip of your small shaft.

You let out a sweet moan. The stimulation that Simon provides is probably too much. 

To answer how you feel, Ghost speeds up his pace. The wet sound between your hole and his shaft is performed in harmony.

"Hah... I love this. Breeding your tight hole. Maybe I can actually get you pregnant, huh?" He said that while we were making a hickey on your neck and collarbone. 

The rhythm is getting faster and faster. The acceleration makes you feel like something is about to rush out of your body.

"I... I am close, Ghost." You said it with a sweet little voice.

"I am going to cum, too. I am going to cum deep inside you. Mark you all mine." He replied back.

Ghost, lift your hip up and move it in and out to match his hip speed pattern. Every thrust is deeper; hit your prostate repeatedly; make your entrance tighter, like trying to squeeze milk out of Simon's cock.

"You are mine." Ghost grunted, and his body shuddered.

Simon thrust his manhood inside you deeply and released his hot sperm into your body. Virile seed plants are far in your hole. There is so much that it floods and coats everything inside you. With this, you really belong to Riley.

As for you, your cock needs no touch to release. A rope after rope of cum from intense orgasm shot all over your body.

Ghost collapse aside,. You can feel his warmth and some of his sweat.

"Did I go too rough on you, love? Do you need anything?" Ghost asked with a concerned voice as he moved his hand over your arm.

"No... I like it... I like that side of yours. Maybe we should do something like this again soon." You replied, although you are still exhausted.

"Like rough sex, aren't you?" Simon pats your head.

The silence was gone for a very short while. You notice that Simon uses his pillow and places it underneath your lower back to lift anything from your legs up a bit.

"Wha..." You are about to ask what he is trying to do, and he answers back.

"I want my seed to stay inside you." Simon said as he smiled. He rubbed your belly softly. "Perhaps this is a place where our baby will be born."

You chuckled at his silliness and kissed him again as he hugged you tightly. Exchange the warmth and the taste of each other. 

Although both of you already feel exhausted from work and what you both just did earlier, it was worth everything after all. You cannot wait for Simon to take you... deep, like this again.

[honeysuckleharringtons]

just steve harrington being so selfless and not taking time for himself melting into a puddle if the reader or you or y/n (idk which one to put 💀) just asked him if he was okay a lot (I do that 24/7, this is purely self indulgent) and the many times he said yeah and the one time he said no :(

i was originally gonna do a full fic style blurb on this but words have been very hard for me lately so i'm just gonna do a text post about this! hope you don't mind 🫶🏻

warnings: reader is sorta implied to be fem!reader, allusions to steve being treated not so well by his parents as a kid, part of this does mention some upside down violence, tiny mention of food, no use of Y/N, lmk if i missed anything!

send me steve thoughts | ask box

I imagine the first time it happens is probably in gym class when you're younger.

You accidentally hit him right in his pretty lil face with a dodgeball ☹️

And Steve being Steve insists he's okay because "I get hit all the time in basketball and football. I've broken bones and nearly busted my teeth out. A lil dodgeball never hurt anyone."

But you can tell he's hurt.

Whether it's him that's hurt or his bruised ego, you can't really tell.

But some part of him was clearly hurt.

more under the cut!

The second time it happens is when you get paired together for a study group during senior year.

Steve struggles with a lot of subjects, but math is probably his worst.

And it's not like he doesn't want to get better, his parents just never sat down at the table and helped him with anything growing up, and when his nannies told his dad about his report cards, it didn't end very well ☹️

But math is the one he's always had the hardest time with.

So when the two of you get paired to study for the calculus final, you can almost immediately tell he's struggling to understand the questions on the example sheet.

At one point, he just kinda places his head in his hands and groans into his palms.

And you're just kinda like, "Hey, you okay?"

And again, Steve is never one to admit defeat.

"I'll be fine. Can you just help me with question four?"

Surprisingly though, after just a few nights of studying together, you become sort of reluctant allies.

He surprisingly excelled in human biology, which you did not. So, the two of you helped each other where you could.

And then it happened a third time, during the summer after you'd graduated.

Steve had had a rather unsuccessful time trying to flirt with the ladies that often came into Scoops Ahoy.

This day had been no different.

He'd really tried his hardest to get the beautiful ginger in front of you to go with him to the movies on Friday.

But she and her friends just moved along, double-scoop ice cream cones in hand, back to their shopping.

"You good?" you asked, nearly on the verge of laughing, as you stepped up to the counter.

"Oh, yeah, sure," he answered sarcastically. "Just a little bruise to my ego. That was definitely the first time any lady has turned down this beautiful face."

Part of you, though, was hurting. Hurting that, even though you were right in front of him, he'd never bothered to look at you that way.

The fourth time it happened, you really started to question everything you thought you knew about Steve.

Somehow, despite being back in town for a total of two days, you'd gotten roped into something to do with some evil dude named Vecna.

And for once, after everything you'd learned since arriving back in Hawkins for spring break, Steve was the one asking if you were okay.

Also for once, one of you was answering the question truthfully.

However, in the week that followed after, even in the midst of alternate dimensions and weird mutations of bats, you'd learned that Steve might have been causing his previous lady problems on purpose.

And when you saw the painful expression he sported as Nancy Wheeler was reunited with her boyfriend, your own heart shattered all over again.

Still, if there was one thing you were, it was a good friend to Steve.

So, you pulled him aside and asked those three little words.

Steve simply ran a hand through his disheveled hair with a slow nod.

But you could tell he was nearly at the point of breaking.

And the time when he finally answered truthfully, he really did break.

You'd drove with him to the hospital to check up on Max Mayfield, who somehow he'd became friends with despite the age difference.

The room was dead silent, other than the annoying buzzing coming from the lights.

You finally gave him a good once-over as he sat at Max's bedside—his messy hair, his pale face with newly acquired purple spots under his eyes, a small cut under his lip.

And for the first time since you'd known Steve, you watched as tears formed in his eyes.

You were quick to rush over to the other side of the bed, your hand splaying across his back and rubbing soft, small circles against his frame.

"Steve, I know this is a silly question to ask, because we both know the real answer, but seriously, are you okay?"

He knew he couldn't hide. Not any longer. So, he simply let the walls come down, croaking out a small, "No," through his flood of tears.

After crying into your shoulder and allowing himself to finally let go of everything he'd been holding in for all those years, he just simply held you.

Finally, after explaining everything—from the reason why he never told you about the Upside Down, to why he'd used Nancy and all those girls as a distraction from the person he really wanted—he just grabbed your face and kissed you. A sweet and tender kiss, not a desperate or lustful kiss, but a longing one—one he'd waited much too long to give you.

And somehow, even in the midst of all the bad stuff, even in the midst of Steve finally breaking, the two of you could finally find a way to maybe, just maybe, be okay for once. ❤️‍🩹

-> taglist: @dungeons-are-too-cold @ducky-died-inside @awkotaco24 @liberhoe @princesseddie @aftermidnightwriting @manuosorioh @esoltis280

[soaps-mohawk]

Heyyyy ik ur are tired ,just wanted to ask if you will post a chapter this week ,get well soon

Honey, I am not "tired", I am sick.

Congestion, sinus pain, headache, fatigue, sure my sore throat went away last night but now I have a cough. I can't sleep because I don't want to use my cpap while sick, so I wake every hour either from not breathing or because I'm choking on sinus drainage. (And yes, I sleep at an angle and it still doesn't help any.)

I wrote 600 words of chapter 16 on Saturday when I was getting sick, and I have not touched it since then, nor have I even thought about touching it because I am now fully sick.

I gave y'all two chapters last week. Two. You have no idea how badly I was stressing about Chapter 15 and how close I was to giving up writing and I still got the chapter up for everyone on Sunday WHILE I HAD A FEVER.

Regardless of the extra bonus chapter everyone got, I still would say it's not likely you'll get a chapter this week because I AM SICK. I want to rest and sleep and try to get better because I have things in my real life that I need to do too that I haven't been able to because I've been sick. I'm not even thinking about this fic and updating it right now.

I am begging y'all to remember I am a real person with a real life behind this blog. I get busy, I get tired, I get sick. I do this as a hobby. I post here on tumblr for free. I pump out 7k word chapters every week, and in the case of last week, multiple times a week. It's hard. It takes a lot of work and dedication just to do this alone while I feel healthy and normal, much less everything else I do during the week.

On top of that, Friday is my birthday and I'd like to take that day to do what I want to do and celebrate the crisis of getting yet another year older.

So no, chances are, there's probably not going to be a chapter out this week. I want to rest and recover and even if I did try to pump out 7k words in the next two days, I'm not going to be happy with it. I'm not going to like it. It's not going to be up to par with the standard I've set with the rest of the chapters quality-wise and I'm going to be tearing myself up because I'll have felt like I cheated y'all trying to write while sick just for the sake of getting a chapter out this week.

Now that I've got myself all worked up, I'm going to go lay down and rest and maybe have some soup because I'm hungry and for the first time in days, it does not hurt to eat. So take one of the chapters from last week and consider that the update for this week.

[fungalittleweirdo]

Maybe one one of the brothers(rise) with a crush on reader but hears from Casey that resder marries/falls in love with someone else/doesn't make it.Whatever you feel like.ALSO LETS GO NEW WRITING BLOCK‼️‼️‼️

cyrill my friend i am going to feed you so well here

hmmmm

donatello x male reader, set a couple years after kraang-- the good timeline

i asked my friends to pick a turtle and a gender so i got that lol

i'll get more organised as i write more on this blog trust meee </3

enjoy!

Communicate With Your Lab Partner, Donatello!

"I see the way you look at him, Donnie."

He blinks, takes a deep breath, and shakes his head with an awkward laugh. "I don't know what you're talking about Casey, it's nothing. I've just been thinking a lot about him lately. I hope he and his eventual partner are happy together, that's all. I want my lab partner to be happy." Donatello's face contorts for a moment before it finally lands on an off-putting smile, "Anything but could affect the efficiency of which our labs are conducted."

Casey shakes his head and looks away, "Now I regret telling you about them." The time traveller sighs, standing up to frown at the softshell mutant. Donatello waves him off and urges him out of his lab, muttering about how Casey has nothing to worry about and that he would carry on like normal. But that very night he finds himself staring at the ceiling of his lab, blinking away the blurring of his vision. Donnie reaches for his phone without adjusting his posture, holding it above his face to check the time.

2:42 am.

He yawns, scrolling up to find his lab partner had texted him a funny picture of some cat meme. Donnie's lips curl up and his chest blooms with warmth as he reacts to the photo with a laughing face emoji, then responds with a meme of his own. His friend reacts with a straight faced emoji, responding with you're not funny, stop pretending you are. Donatello rolls his eyes, continuing to talk to him as the hours pass by, and when he checks the time again it is seven in the morning. It's time for the spiny softshell to head to bed even though he was meant to stay up all night regardless.

Lab Partner (7:02 AM): I know you should be heading to sleep now, but before you go, what's the weather going to be like Friday night?

Donatello sits up straight and winces as his neck's pain receptors send massive signals to his tired turtle brain, screaming at him to go to bed. He opts to shrimp over his keyboard as he checks his weather prediction algorithm, finding that there would be a seventy percent chance of rain over the tri-state area. He texts the extensive information to his lab partner, then asks him why he needs to know.

Lab Partner (7:11 AM): I asked this person out to go to Central Park expecting it to be sunny because of this week's forecast

Lab Partner (7:11 AM): But I trust your weather algorithm a lot more

Lab Partner (7:12 AM): Especially since they let Warren Stone back on the air

Delivered (7:12 AM): Scoff, any weatherman who associates themselves with that literal worm cannot be trusted for the weather. You came to the right turtle.

Lab Partner (7:13 AM): Yeah, I know I did

Lab Partner (7:13 AM): Get some rest, okay Don? I love you <3

Donatello's heart skips a beat and he stares at the screen for a moment, blinking at the three silly little words he somehow feels like he stole. Just for a moment, I could pretend... he thinks, pursing his lips as he responds in kind, then gets up from his chair to turn everything off in his lab, save for the emergency low lights. He begins heading toward his bedroom with his phone off in his hand.

The softshell is now lying awake, staring at his ceiling as he lay in bed fantasising of silly things he thought could never happen. It's bothering him, he knows it, but he doesn't feel like paying a visit to Dr. Feelings. His hand's gentle caresses on his plastron remind him of how his lab partner would hug him from behind and sway with him as he works, even though it always distracts him for a moment. The stim always brings him down to earth when he is in too deep in his work. Donatello misses the way he nuzzles into him when he's sleepy, spending days working on something together and letting him sleep on the air mattress he has set up in the corner. He misses the opportunities in which his lab partner would ask for him to sleep beside him, curling up in each other's arms.

Now that he thinks about it, Donatello and his lab partner are not strictly platonic, the way they interact with each other is quite intimate. The turtle blushes at the memory of his lips carefully planting kisses on his lab partner's head, and him doing the same. It was kismet, the way they met, since Donnie's lab partner was a former member of the Purple Dragons. Kendra let him go after he started spending too much time with the softshell rather than just spying on him. He risked so much for me, Donatello thinks, wringing his hands as he blinks away his exhaustion. He decides to take matters into his own hands, falling asleep with an uneasy feeling in his gut.

~

Donnie's lab partner wakes up with a start after a four hour sleep, promising Leo he would sleep more, then berating him for staying up late too. He makes himself a small breakfast and goes through his phone, then gets ready for his free day. Donnie calls him and he answers with a dramatic groan of annoyance. "Don, I swear, go back to sleep," he starts packing a bag to go out while listening to Donnie whine over the phone.

"I know! I know! You told me to rest and I already did. But you didn't sleep enough either so you're a hypocrite. I... wanted to talk to you about something."

"Can it wait? You need to sleep, dude."

"No, it can't."

Donnie seems to take a shaky breath, then speaks again.

"I need to tell you something important and I can't wait another day to tell you."

The mutant's lab partner sighs, then nods, even if 'Tello couldn't see him make the gesture.

"Yeah, I'll be over tonight. As long as you rest."

"I promise... I love you."

He pauses, the words ringing in his ears, bouncing around in his head like a screensaver avoiding the corners of its device. He's never heard Donnie say those words out loud before. He's never said them to him either, so the initiative shocks him into silence. Before the boy could respond, Donnie hung up the call and he stands in the kitchen with toast crumbs in his palm and marmalade on his fingers.

The difference between saying it out loud and sending it over text is made apparent in the boy's head, a realisation taking over as his heart beat faster in his rib cage. Oh... no... Being Donnie's lab partner has been fun these past few years, especially developing a close friendship like the one they have, but he finally realises how he must have come across. I should get my errands done quick to be at the lair in a timely manner, he thinks, washing his hands and grabbing his things to step out of his apartment, locking the door and starting his day.

~

Donatello is bleary-eyed and yawning to the point where his throat is dry. He stumbles into the kitchen to look for a glass of water, asking S.H.E.L.L.D.O.N. to serve him some hydration. He gulps it down instantly and slams the glass down on the counter, then jumps at the voice in the corner of the kitchen.

"Happy to see you're drinking water, 'Tello."

An awkward smile plasters itself upon his face as he turns toward his lab partner, looking him up and down. He is wearing comfortable clothes as if he plans to stay a while. His tail twitches before he stops it from wagging in excitement.

"Ah, my favourite friend! I... I expected you to come to the lair much later."

"I can see that," He raises an eyebrow as he gives Donatello a once over, noting the black sweatpants he donned. "Cold?" The boy's arms snake their way around Donatello's waist and he jumps at the contact, nudging him away with a robotic laugh.

"Cold? Scoff! Who said I was cold?" Donatello now feels awake enough to serve himself his own water, watching it fill his glass as his friend stood beside him curiously. Then he gulps the entire glass down again.

"You usually wear clothes down here when you're cold. You don't opt for pyjamas like your brothers either, so you must be cold."

"Oh dear lab partner, how dare you use your observational skills on me."

Said lab partner chuckles and leans against the fridge. "You also don't reject my physical advances toward you... Is today a bad tactile sensory day?" He taps in a pattern against the countertop, signalling to Donatello that he is mildly worried. The softshell sighs and puts the glass down in the sink, stretching and cracking his limbs. He inhales through his nose, then exhales cool air that gradually calms him down.

"I am afraid of what I want to talk about."

The boy's eyes widen, his face depicts concern, and he moves on to sit on the stool beside the rack holding the pots and pans. Donatello goes to sit on the counter across from him. A couple beats of silence pass as the two look at each other, studying one another's body language. The turtle came to the conclusion that his lab partner is laidback enough to take the conversation seriously but without too much panic. He feels relaxed enough to continue talking, so he does.

"I am aware that the future Casey speaks of—whenever he feels ready to, that is—is much different compared to ours. Everything that happened in that timeline is completely irrelevant to now due to the butterfly effect. You know, how a flap of a butterfly's wings could summon a hurricane? Well... something he told me keeps nagging me. It keeps this voice in my head rambling on and on, it won't stop telling me things that make me feel... Things. I don't know what! I am feeling things and I hate when I do because I can't label them!"

Donatello stands up and begins pacing, cracking his fingers one by one as he continues to talk and his lab partner listens.

"Casey told me you had a partner in the future. It was great at first... spending a little under a decade together... then they were possessed by Kraang biomatter. You... you disobeyed Leo's orders to look for them, to capture them and keep them under control for when I found a serum to inject in them, one that could kill off the Kraang schmuck but leave their human flesh unaffected... But you didn't make it back to base."

He stands from the stool he sat on and approached Donatello, carefully holding his hands out, palms facing up. The softshell takes his hands and revels in their softness, visibly relaxing and staying put.

"Your passing is not what affects me the most," Donatello reaches up to cup his friend's cheek in his hand, swiping his thumb lightly across his face. "It's you sharing your affections with anyone other than I. That is what is bothering me."

The boy freezes, blinking up at Donatello with a confused smile. "You're the only one I share moments like these with. I don't understand what you're saying," he giggles, reaching up to squeeze Donatello's hand. The scientist is equally as perplexed.

"I'm saying that I love you."

He stands up straighter, rigid and unyielding. Heat spreads upon his face and he looks away, his laugh wavering.

"You know, hearing that in person sounds a lot better."

Donatello still holds his breath, waiting, waiting, waiting.

"I love you too, Donnie."

The mutant feels lightheaded when he exhales, then leans in for a second before stopping himself. His lab partner grins, nodding while he bites his lip knowingly. Donatello springs into action, gripping his friend's shoulders and pulling him in to meld his lips on his, tasting, savouring, fluttering his eyes shut as a grin stretched across his face, parting from the kiss with muddy, blushing cheeks.

"Can we do that more? That was really nice. I would like to open a document for this... if you let me."

He rolled his eyes and pulled his favourite turtle closer.

"Yes, you may, 'Tello. We have all the time in the world."

[tiredtxmblrvet]

Fic Rec Friday #4

If y'all want more fic rec fridays, check out @mediumgayitalian

Below are 5 fics I've enjoyed this past week/recently.

(guess who learned how to indent on posts!)

oh, what a sin by @rosyredlipstick

https://archiveofourown.org/works/17194697

Summary:

For some reason, Nico thought convincing Fitzwilliam Emerson "Golden Boy" Solace to abandon his hosting duties, blow off his company’s gala entirely, and run off with him into the night would be much harder. Well, that’s what Jason gets for trying to force Nico into attending a party.

We're back with another Rosy fic! This is an awesome one-shot where Will and Nico are both rich little shits and sneak away from their big-shot families. I'd read an entire series of this! The way Nico and Will's chemistry shines in this one-shot is incredible. Plus the family relations of Nico's family is just *chef's kiss*.

talk your talk and go viral (i just need this love spiral) by wrongcaitlyn

https://archiveofourown.org/works/46368430

Summary:

“Keep telling yourself that,” Will says quietly, because even though the door is closed, speaking any louder would seem wrong. “You’re too harsh on yourself. If you wrote songs or something, you’d easily get on the Billboard Hot 100. Dad would help you. I would, too.” “Promote it to your seven followers?” “Yes!” Nico laughs, and then Will is joining him, and they’re closer than before, but it’s nothing unusual. It’s been this way since before stupid feelings and stupid crushes, and Nico would be damned if he let it change just because of that. or a celebrity au ft. childhood friends to lovers, a bit of trauma, and a famous friend group (plus leo).

--

I'm still in the beginning stages of reading this story, but I'm already obsessed with it! The author's writing style is interesting, and I just love a good celebrity AU.

we're not brave, we're not soldiers by Chriscrosswallflower

https://archiveofourown.org/works/39827199

Summary:

The battle of Manhattan was mostly a blood stained blur but Will would never forget the sight of his brother’s body falling along with that bridge. __ Follow along with this set of one shots as Percy and Will navigate the pain and trauma of being child soldiers and grow to form an unlikely friendship. Because I think these two could be great friends and two sides of the same coin, so I decided to put my plot bunnies to paper.

I just really love the way Percy and Will are portrayed in this collection of one-shots. Their trauma and emotions feel so raw and so well-written, and I'm personally a Will and Percy besties truther, so I honestly would have loved this fic anyways. The fact that it's so awesome is a bonus.

The Sum of Our Choices: The Titan's Curse by TheTimeTraveler24

https://archiveofourown.org/works/24637117

Summary:

Maybe it's not always about trying to fix something broken. Maybe it's about starting over and creating something better. A group of special individuals are drawn together for a reason. They might not see it yet, but they are the only ones who have the power to change their destiny. They'll face opposition from the gods along the way and sometimes things won't work out the way they want. But this group is special. Their choices just might be the key to everything. Something is happening. Percy Jackson, Annabeth Chase, and Thalia Grace are on their way to Westover Hall in response to a distress call from Grover Underwood. At the same time, Magnus Chase is wandering around in the woods. Under strange circumstances, the two groups meet and the course of history will never be the same.

This fic is actually a crossover AU with the Magnus Chase series, so if that's not your cup of tea, feel free to skip. However, this fic is a time travel "fix-it" fic of sorts where the trio are taken from their lives post the Hidden Oracle and have to relieve the events of the The Titan's Curse (and the rest of the series, this series is 800k words!) and I'm still on the first fic, but I am HOOKED already! So I figured I'd rec it here.

three-in-one soap by thelordofshrimp

https://archiveofourown.org/works/52887397

Summary:

Austin glared at his sister. “Will can’t lie, genius. He says that since he became head counselor, any shower that lasts more than three minutes gets interrupted by someone needing his help.” “That’s… crazy.” Nico considered the number of showers he’d taken even in his short time at camp and imagined if even half of them had been interrupted. “It is,” Jerry agreed. “Not like there’s much we can do about it, though.” “You can always do something about it.” Nico sat up. “There has to be something.” “Not unless you can somehow keep the whole camp safe at once.”

--

This is just a cute one-shot where Nico tries to make it so that Will can actually take a shower for once, but shenanigans ensue anyways. It made me smile, so I'm rec'ing it here.

--

Okay that's all! I'll probably keep doing this until I run out of fics to recommend. Have a good friday lovelies!