#and i've been doing really poorly in general lately and my therapist is away this week and it's just shitty timing to have to do that

[honeysuckle-venom]

About a week ago part of the wall in my shower broke. Several tiles came crumbling down, leaving a scary hole in the wall, revealing weird gross space and pipes and stuff. We've been covering it up with lots of plastic and tape, and today the maintenance guy finally came to fix it. Except turns out the reason it crumbled is it wasn't built correctly in the first place, they didn't put a board behind the tiles (hence the scary hole) and now they can't fix it without redoing the whole thing and ordering a liner thing that will take several days to arrive. And in the meantime we're not allowed to keep covering it up bc the space needs to dry out so it won't rot. Which means my bathroom is now terrifying and unusable and I have to stay in a motel room or something until Tuesday. This sucks.

[spaceoperajay]

attempts to fix my shitty insomnia (its been better as of late)

-the good

--relaxing the body. i've acheived this through stretching & magnesium lotion (which i should start doing 30 min before a shower rather than right b4 bed as its rather oily) & edibles helps

--hold my teddy bear & have a pillow behind me to simulate having another person there when im not with my partner. lol. so much of my life is just trying to hack myself into being normal

--stop playing catchup ie "oh i got 4 hrs of sleep so i got into work late & so i stayed late to makeup and now i have less precious freetime i need to stay up late again-" no. thats stupid not falling down that well again.

--eye drops. so my cornea scratch that has not fully healed in Two Fucking Years will open up during REM sleep like enough to irritating & wake me but not enough to open & debilitate me (but i think this happening does bring me closer to open & debilitate me). i think i underestimated how much this affected me

--im generally being more conscientious of things that over-stimulate me before bed & i get over-stimulated very easily

--theres some horror audiodrama anthologies that have been helping me sleep. sounds weird (which is why im not gonna go around "oh yeah your horror stories help me sleep!", people are going to take it as an insult) but M is the similar & once said it was explained to them as having the mind engaged & given something else to worry over. in middle school to help my insomnia my therapist had my mother take away my stephen king novels i'd read before bed- which made it worse lmao

-the maybe

--the edibles help relax me but yeah i can feel how it fucks up sleep. but when i do remember my dreams i find i feel really well-rested?

--i take benavryl but im pretty sure ur not supposed to do this bivnfkjljovgjo

--got a new b12 supplement? could just be coincidental timing. like im a shitty vegan & i stop & get egg sandwiches at dunkin in the morning too often to be truly deficient.

-the potential

--have a doc appt w/ a general practitioner who recc'd i get a sleep aide so . when i made one they were like "yeah you got a blood test but never got a follow up so we need to re-do the test" vht9rjvoirj so its a bit delayed but i am gonna see her in two weeks.

--i need to get some physical books to read to limit screentime b4 bed. i want to read tlt but more than that theres some web serials i want to read. i could print them out???

--drawing should be relaxing & hopefully i will finish setting up my desk tonight. how do i not have a desk yet WFH? well i started WFH right after my accident & wasnt exactly able to set it up.

the bad

--i am not that conscientious of keeping myself away from over-stimulation

--most people seem to sleep poorly once then be able to sleep a lot the next day. me? if my body hear's that i'm only getting 2 hrs of sleep its like hell yeah!!!! 2 hrs of sleep for the whole week!!!!

--the evil glowing light has (most of) my gay lil friends