#and i went 'might as well get torso and tummy shots for people who want to reference the belly'

[molagboop]

The level of detail in Metroid Dread is astounding. Take for example, the Armadigger. If you don't know any of the monsters by name, it's the little four-legged guy on the platform by the blue tank in the center of this image:

Its name was revealed in an official capacity in this article (ARCHIVED LINK: post updated July 13, 2023. The Metroid Dread official website appears to have been taken offline), but that's not why I've brought you here. I've come to make another model reference post. Select the individual images to get a closer look at them.

The humble armadigger is a quadrupedal four-eyed creature with brown fur.

Of the Armadigger, the official Metroid Dread website has this to say:

Armadigger A violent, four-footed creature native to ZDR. Charges at Samus with great speed when she’s detected and will quickly change its direction and try again if she evades the attack. Fight back with a Melee Counter or attack it from outside its charging path.

Source: Metroid Dread Report vol. 8: Surveying planet ZDR

It appears to possess a shell of some sort in the darker slabs on its back, but those could be large tufts of fur. Perhaps it's a thicker, furry, armored hide? Each leg has three toes, all of which have claws. It has a stubby tail and curved black horns on either side of its face. A bit is clamped between its teeth, holding some sort of muzzle or a bit of equipment in place, and it wears a metal collar.

Something to note is that these creatures are depicted alongside Chozo warriors on a mural in Elun's orrery. It seems to me that the Mawkin used armadiggers as war hounds.

You may have noticed a few details in the last image. Namely, the armadigger's nipples. They're mammals! They also have cute little paw pads on the bottom of their feet.

You may have also noticed another detail. If you've ever owned a dog, and he's asked for belly rubs, you'll be familiar with the concept. Yes, this is from unmodded, vanilla Dread. No, it has no animations assigned to it. It doesn't even have any bones. Will you see it during normal gameplay? No, you'll never even notice it.

That's what dedication to the lore looks like. Nipplé y bolas.

[intheticklecloset]

A Giggly Bike Ride (My Hero Academia)

This fic was purchased from my Coffee Shop by a generous supporter. Thank you!

Primary Universe

Summary: While riding bikes together one afternoon, Kiri senses Todoroki isn't quite himself and decides to check in before they go any further.

A/N: The individual who requested this fic through BMC asked for something in which Todoroki was feeling down and Kirishima tried to cheer him up with gentle tickles. I added in some rougher ones as well because it's a force of habit, but hopefully this is what you were looking for! Enjoy!

Word Count: 1,303

~~~

“Race you to the bottom!” Denki shouted, throwing himself down the side of the hill on his bike, following the path precariously fast toward the scenic river route at the base.

Bakugou yelled after him angrily. “Hey! You got a head start, cheater! Get back here!”

“Can’t stop now!”

With a growl, the atomic blonde raced after Denki, who was laughing gleefully as his speed became a bit too much to control and he wobbled on his bike as it evened back out onto a flatter surface.

Sero, Kiri, and Todoroki watched them go before the tape hero climbed off his seat and muttered, “Yeah, no, not doing that. I’m walking mine down.” He turned to the others. “You guys coming?”

Todoroki started to move as well, but Kiri reached out to grab his handlebar and said, “We’ll catch up! I wanna chat with Todo for a second.”

“Sure,” Sero said, unbothered. He carefully walked his bike down the hill after the two crazy blondes in their riding group.

“Kirishima?” Todoroki asked, curious.

The redhead glanced at him. “You okay?”

“Huh?”

“You’ve been really quiet this whole ride. Like, quieter than usual. Is something wrong?”

Todoroki blinked, surprised Kiri had noticed. He’d assumed his four riding buddies were too wrapped up in their fun to notice him. Not that he minded. He enjoyed being able to have time to think while still being with other people. But now that he knew his friend had been worrying about him silently for who knew how long, he felt guilty.

“Oh. No, nothing’s wrong, exactly. I just feel out of sorts today.” He frowned. “I’m sorry to ruin your fun by making you worry about me.”

“Ruin my fun?” Kiri nudged him. “Not at all, dude. I just wanted to check in. Now, if you’d told me something really tragic had happened, that might change things a little. But if you’re just feeling down that’s okay. I get it. It happens sometimes.” He tilted his head. “Seriously, though? There’s nothing bothering you?”

“Not really.”

“Okay, then.” Kiri grinned, reaching out to poke his side. “Then let’s see a smile, buddy.”

Todoroki gasped and jerked away as much as possible while still half-sitting on his bike seat, a wobbly smile on his lips. “Careful. We’re at the top of a hill.”

“Then you’d better start smiling.” Kiri teased, grabbing onto his ribs with all five fingers this time.

Todoroki jerked out of the way, a giggle escaping. “Hehehey!”

“C’mon, smile for me, Todo!” The redhead kept it up, randomly jabbing and poking along Todoroki’s sides and ribs, smiling at the cute snickers and twitches he was getting for his efforts. At one point he tried to reach up into Todoroki’s underarm, and when the icy-hot hero pulled away, Kirishima grabbed him around his middle and pulled him into an awkward half-hug while they were both still on their bikes, drilling into his belly and hips with more precision now.

“Ahahahaha! Kirishihihihihima!” Todoroki cried, giggling steadily and twisting a little, but not really fighting back all that much. “Cahahahahareful! The hihihihihill!”

“I’ve got a hardening quirk. You seriously think I’d let you fall down this hill without protecting you?” Kiri finally managed to worm one hand up into his underarm, making Todoroki shriek and burst into harder laughter, struggling for real now.

“I DOHOHOHOHON’T WAHAHAHANT YOU HUHUHUHURT!!”

“Again – hardening quirk. I’ll be fine, and so will you.” Kiri laughed along with him, hugging him even closer and scribbling wildly over his torso and into his armpit. “If you’d stop squirming, that is! Jeez, Todo, it’s like you’re ticklish or something!”

Todoroki shrieked with laughter and arched his back in an attempt to get away, nearly tumbling off his bike and down the hill exactly as he was afraid he would. Kiri decided it was time to switch tactics. Still laughing with his friend, he unceremoniously dismounted and discarded his bike in the middle of the path, then proceeded to drag Todoroki off of his and hug him tightly from behind, squeezing his sides, hips, and even his thighs in a relentless tickly attack.

“STAHAHAHAHAHAP!! KIRISHIMAHAHAHAHAHA!!” Todoroki squealed, struggling and laughing and eventually becoming too weak to stand up anymore. He started to fall to the ground, and Kiri went with him, still tickling, still teasing.

“So, Todo? Feeling better yet, hmm?”

“YEHEHEHEHES!! PLEHEHEHEHEHEASE!!”

“Please keep going, since it’s working so well?” Kirishima beamed, pushing Todoroki onto his back and straddling his hips, darting both hands up into his underarms again. “You bet, buddy!”

Todoroki tossed his head back with laughter while his arms clamped down automatically, further trapping his assailant right where he was, ensuring the tickling would continue. “NAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!”

“Aww, tickle, tickle, tickle!”

“STAHAHAHAHAHAHAP IT!!”

“You say that, but you’re not really fighting back all that much, are you?” Kiri teased, finally snatching up Todoroki’s wrists and pinning them above his head with his hardening quirk, using his free hand to scribble his fingers into the now unprotected armpits. “Plus, you let me take you down super easily just now. This is helping you, isn’t it?”

Todoroki blushed so red Kiri suddenly couldn’t tell where his scar began. “PLEHEHEHEASE, KIRIHIHIEHEHEHEHEHEHE!!”

“Well? It’s a simple question~”

“YEHEHEHEHEHES!!” Todoroki was laughing so hard he was practically wheezing, his legs kicking uselessly behind Kiri’s straddle. “GAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! PLEHEHEHEHEASE, NOT SO HAHAHAHAHARD!!”

Kiri winced, but continued smiling as he trailed his fingers down from his armpits to his sides and ribs. “Sorry, force of habit. Is this better?”

“Yehehehehes,” Todoroki giggled out his reply, still squirming but not nearly as desperate now. He gasped for breath between huffs of soft laughter. “Thihihihihis is embahahaharrasing…”

“What?” Kiri cried, letting go of his wrists to pinch his bottom ribs. “Take that back!”

Todoroki shot his arms down again, his giggling becoming higher-pitched. “Nohohohohoho, I mehehehehean…I mean it tihihihihihickles a lohohohot, b-but…”

“Buuuuut?”

“But I lihihihihihike it.” Todoroki covered his face, flushed a deep red. “It’s hehehehelping.”

“Well, good!” Kirishima declared, reaching one hand under the icy-hot’s shirt to scribble at his bare tummy and belly button. “Then I’m happy to keep doing it for as long as you want.”

“B-But wehehehehe’re in publihihihic!”

“So?” Suddenly the redhead stopped, worried. “Oh, wait, is that not okay? I know Bakugou hates that kind of thing. Are you uncomfortable doing this now?”

Todoroki seemed even more flustered than before, if that were possible. “W-Well, I…”

“Hey, idiots!” Speak of the devil, Bakugou’s voice suddenly interrupted their moment. A split second later his spiky blonde hair became visible, as well as his irritated face. He huffed from the effort of walking back up the hill. “The heck are you doing? We’ve been waiting for you down there forever!”

Kiri checked his watch. “It’s been five minutes, dude.”

“We could have been at the picnic spot by now if you two hadn’t stopped to have your little tickle fest.” Bakugou glared at them. “Can’t you do this once we’re there? The rest of us are starving. Let’s go! Move your butts!”

Todoroki gently pushed at Kirishima, who got off of him, and they both stood up.

“You’re right,” Todoroki said to the blonde, glancing at Kiri with a slight smile. “We should do this once we’re at the picnic area.”

Kiri grinned, catching the hint easily. He scooped up his bike and hopped on. “In that case, I’ll race you there, Todo!” And he took off down the hill, laughing, ignoring the surprised and indignant yells of his friends behind him.

And once all five of them were at their destination and had eaten, Kirishima wasted no time in resuming what he’d started at the top of the hill, gently tickling and teasing Todoroki into a happy oblivion to cure his sad mood for the rest of the weekend.

[tick-fic-nick]

Lying and thievery

(People: Ranboo, Tubbo, Micheal)

Warnings: tickling, being stuck in clothing

Summary: Ranboos attempt to get back at tubbo embarrassing failed.

this is a platonic pairing

Ranboo was having to deal with his husband's crimes for far too long. Everyday Tubbo would steal a different hoodie or sweatshirt. Maybe that was an exaggeration but he didn't have that many! So it was finally time to do something about it.

So while tubbo was working with the nukes he put his plan into action. He made dinner for him and Micheal and then he took one of tubbos yellow sweaters and put it on. He expected that it would fit as long at he could get it over his head, and then would function as a crop top. He didn't realize that his arms would get trapped by the fabric near his head. Vision covered and arms stuck he realized that tubbo might not be home for hours.

Oh no.

The only person he could turn to was his son. He carefully made his way to the living room, making sure not to run into anything.

"Micheal? You there bud?"

There was a pause before he could hear a child's laughter in front of him. "Hi dada" He found himself smiling too.

"Hey Mikey, do you think you could help me out here?" He felt Micheal hug around his calf and took that as yes. "Ok, im going to sit on the couch, I just need you to help me get the shirt around my elbows and I think I can go from there."

He felt Micheal pull his pant leg toward where he could only assume was the couch. He followed. The couch came to meet him allowing him to sit down.

Micheal hopped up next to him, before walking to Ranboos lap and hugging around his torso. He realized that he probably wouldn't be able to reach where he was actually stuck. "Mikey how far up can you reach?"

He yelped when he felt tiny hoofed digits gently feel around his bare armpits. After the shock, he could feel his breath flutter. His arms wanting to fall but they remained stuck. He became very aware that he was basically shirtless right now.

"Ohokay Mikey... you can puhut your arms downn"

But he didn't, instead he moved around again cause giggles to build inside Ranboos chest, and his shoulders shook with silent laughter.

Micheal let out a gasp. "Dada tickly?"

"M-michehehal!"

The small piglin made a happy squeal and began to poke and tickle the best he knew how. It wasn't a lot and Micheal was still a toddler but it still was very flustering for Ranboo, who couldn't see where the next attack would occur.

His giggles grew and so did his struggles, which only made his situation worse. He could feel himself sliding onto his side but Micheal just followed him.

"Mihihihikehehey plehehehease, toohohohoo tihihickly!"

That got the small piglins attention and he stopped his tiny assault. He climbed ontop of ranboos side and gave him a hug as his dad caught his breath.

"Okahay. Now cahan you help dad?"

"Mmhm"

Micheal made his way to the stuck shirt and after a good few minutes was able to get ranboo free. Once he was out, he stretched his arms and ruffled Micheal hair.

"Did you have fun tickling dada?"

Micheal only giggled as a response bringing his hands to his mouth.

"Well..." He sat up and looked at Micheal with playful eyes "I think it's time for someone else to be tickled"

Micheal squealed and hopped off the couch giggling as he ran away.

"Oh no you don't, get back here!" He playfully chased after him. Picking up his squealing little pig, he gently prodded at his tummy.

He brought him back to the couch and sat him down, turning on the TV.

"I'll be right back"

He walked to the next room and picked up on of his dress shirts to put it on. He rehooked the buttons, and tucked it into his pants. He then heard the front door open and Micheal scream "DADDYY!"

He walked out just to see Micheal get picked up into a hug with Tubbo and held him to his side. "Whats going on Mikey?"

Micheal cupped his hand together and whispered something into his ear. Which made tubbos smile turn evil.

"Well it sounds like you two had fun."

Ranboo felt his face warm, and tried to change the subject. "And your home early, it seems."

Tubbo went along, and walked toward the couch "Yeah, we got a lot progress done and we decided to call it a day."

Once he sat down ranboo leaned over the couch and placed a platonic kiss onto tubbos hair. "Well I'm glad your back home."

That seemed to be the end of it for Ranboo. They watched the rest of the movie, and then put Micheal to bed. It was just Ranboo and Tubbo. They put on another movie to watch. Ranboo sitting up against the arm of the couch, and tubbo whose body was facing his husband's, had his head resting on his chest.

Ranboo was almost falling asleep his head sometimes bobbing in and out of consciousness. Tubbo was occasionally waking him up for a part that was coming up in the movie. Like right now.

"Ranboooo" He whispered

No response

Raaaanbooooo"

"...."

He began to poke gently into his sleeping husband's sides. "Raaanbooo~" The end of ranboos tail began to slowly flick back and forth. And his steady breaths began to hitch. The smallers smile grew as he began to pick up the pace, still keeping it on his sides.

"Mmhmn hm"

"Boo? You gotta wake up. I have some questions for you~" the pokes turned gentle scribbling. He knew this wasn't a killer spot for his husband, but it was enough to wake him. Which it did.

Small giggles bubbled out of the half Ender Hybrid, his tail gently flicking side to side. Squirming slightly his hands came up to face "Tuhuboho! Ihim up im uhuhp!"

"Hello Handsome" His hands came to a stop. "Is this how Micheal got you? You were falling asleep?"

"N-No, uh that was different.."

"Different how?"

"Well..." Ranboo wasn't sure if he wanted to tell tubbo that he got stuck trying to wear one of his sweaters. "Thing is, I forgot." He decided to joke.

"What!? I know that's not how your memory thing works!"

"Nope, it totally works that way."

Tubbo paused as he leaned away from the hug squinting up at his husband "Your a lier. I can't believe I married a scoundrel!"

Tubbos false playful anger always was amusing to him, and he couldn't help himself from chuckling. Lucky for tubbo he couldn't see the mischievous glint in his eyes.

"Oh I'll give you something to laugh about!" He brought his hands up to his husband's ribcage scribbling at the lower ribs.

The taller jumped with a squeak and squirmed. Each touch sent electricity straight through him. "Wahahait wahaahahait ahahhahhhahah!"

"Ranboo do you admit that you lied!"

"Yeehehes! Okahay I lihihihied!"

"I KNEW IT!" He let his fingers explore a little lower to his belly. The giggles increased and so did squeaks. "Well, my beloved. I guess I have to tickle the truth out of you!"

Oh no

"Tuhuhuhbbohohoh! Pleheheheeahahase!" Ranboo hid his face in his hands.

"Please what? Please tickle the truth out of you, why I'd love to" He reached his hand up to an exposed armpit and scratched. That arm shot down to protect the area. "Oh no im trapped! I've got to find my way out!"

"Nohohohhoho GeheET Ohohout ohof thehhehereehe!"

"Oh I'm trying! Believe me!" He was not trying, he was just vibrating his fingers. This spot was always a good way to make Ranboo curl in onto himself. Tubbo got off of him, not letting up his assault. Ranboo curled up until his was laying on his side on the couch with tubbo sitting next to him, facing his back.

"Pleheheheheeheeahahse!"

Tubbo removed his hands, but leaned down to ranboos neck nuzzling it with his nose. He knew this was a melt spot, but it also flustered him quite a bit.

"Ahehehehhehehe tuhuhbooho!"

With one hand he pulled ranboos hands away from his face and the other snaked to the other side of his neck to lightly scratch. His whispered into ranboos ear "I can see l your blush all the way on your ear, it's adorable."

"Nohohhohot adohohorahahable!"

"I think you are~" tubbo removed himself from ranboos neck and began to rub his back and arm soothingly. "I also think your smile is great."

Ranboo brought his hands to his face again and whined. "Why do you like embarrassing me?"

"Because your cute"

After that, there was quite a long pause, where tubbo just kept rubbing his back occasionall yplaying with his hair. Ranboo finally broke the silence "...Hey tubbo?"

"Yes boo?"

Ranboo removed his hands from his face and looked at tubbo "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For avoiding the truth."

"Dude it's fine, I knew you were joking. Besides I just wanted the opportunity to tickle you." He spidered his hand for a second across his back to emphasis. Which earned a lopsided smile from Ranboo. "Buuuuut im still curious about what happened."

Ranboo sighed sitting up slightly and told him the whole story. Tubbo laughed "So I missed seeing you stuck in my sweater, by minutes? I should have walked home faster."

"Yeah, well it was one of your smaller ones. I could have fit if I picked out one of your bigger sweaters."

"Uh huh, yeah sure." Tubbo hopped up ignoring look Ranboo was giving him "Come on its time for bed" Ranboo didn't complain, he just let himself be dragged to bed.

And they both slept good that night.

[extremelyblackandwhite]

i wanna know what love is - 09

Pairing: rockstar! sebastian stan x writer!reader

Warnings: mentions of sex

A/N: sebastian’s performance is inspired by pour some sugar on me scene in rock of ages and a few scenes of bat out of hell (i’ve linked both if you guys are interested). fun fact, the lipstick and nail polish y/n is wearing in this chapter is emblématique by chanel which is one of my favourite combos ever. i’ve been so happy to receive your feedback, it just always makes my day. thank you so much everyone xx

Last Chapter // Next Chapter

Sebastian woke up with the loud sound of bass reverberating through the wall. He lifted his torso, looking at the TV where Pulp Fiction was playing and then to the wall he’d had her pinned last night. At the memory of that, the memory of her hands reaching for him before the employee interrupted and he ran off, he bolted off the bed and rushed over to her bedroom, pushing open the double door but coming face to face with nothing. She wasn’t in, her bed was made an her pyjamas were nicely folded and laying on top of her bed. 

He closed the door behind him and walked over to the entry room. His bandmates were rehearsing one of his beginning songs. Sebastian looked at the room expecting to see Y/N sat somewhere with her ridiculous yellow coloured notepad and an unholy amount of disposable cameras. 

    - Hey, where’s Y/N? - Sebastian asked through the loud sounds of drums, bass and guitars, and, surprisingly, still was heard by Fred, who removed his headphones, placing them over their neck. - She’s nowhere to be found.

   - She’s out with Mary. - Fred said, a nice smile on his face that his wife finally had someone other than them to hang out with. 

   - Great, I need to talk to her. - he grabbed his jacket from the holder, putting it over his pyjamas, not even caring he was still shirtless and wearing his sleeping trousers that had holes where trousers shouldn’t have holes. However, showing up in pyjamas in public wouldn’t be the worse thing he ever did. - Where did they go?

   - Hey, man, calm down. - Anthony took over, placing a hand over his shoulder before he bolted off into Las Vegas. - We have a show today, you have to rehearse. The girls are gonna be at the venue tonight and then you can speak with Y/N. 

   - Yeah besides she’s been stuck with us for almost a month, she needs a bit of girl time. - Michael added, throwing Sebastian the microphone which he caught mid air. - Besides, you’re sober for rehearsal and we’re not gonna miss that. 

On the other hand, Mary had taken Y/N to The Grand Canal Shoppes which she had hoped would blow her mind. Mary was right, Y/N was stunned at a shopping centre with a full blown built in canal with canoes. The shopping centre itself had been built like a pre-French revolution castle and the stores Mary was walking in had things that could buy her whole studio flat in NY. 

However, Y/N’s mind was still on Sebastian and how he had kissed her yesterday. She shouldn’t have allowed this, she knew what type of man he was yet when he did it she couldn’t help but reciprocate the favour. 

   - Isn’t this cute? - Mary held a black stretch jersey corset dress from Burberry, calling for Y/N’s attention. Y/N’s eyes scanned the dress, it was a beautiful dress. Not exactly something she would pick as she didn’t go out enough to use that or had enough money to pay for it. - C’mon, try it on. 

  - No, I mean, it’d look better on you anyway. - Y/N did not want to let out she couldn’t afford the dress, she had already paid for a highly expensive breakfast so there was nothing on her bank account saying that she could afford a new collection Burberry dress. 

  - C’mon, Y/N. The other girls are never around when I come in besides we have a show today and we need to look good. Consider it a gift from me to you, please. - she held the dress against Y/N’s chest, pushing her to the dressing room. - Besides, if you want to get Sebastian’s attention you can’t dress like Little Boo Peep. 

  - What? - Y/N said before being pushed into the dressing room and being told to dress. How did Mary know about Sebastian? Had he told her? Had he told the boys who then went to tell her? Was she a mind reader? Who knew. After Y/N was done with her thoughts, she had already put the dress on and she couldn’t help but notice the difference from her others dresses to this dress. This dress looked like it had been sewn on her, showing all her curves and all her assets. She came out of the dressing room and before Mary could even start speaking compliments she went in strong. - How do you know me and Sebastian kissed?

  - I don’t, you just told me. I did know he had a soft spot for you but I did not know how far it had gone. - Mary walked her over to the big mirror, holding her shoulders. - You look gorgeous.

  - What do you mean soft spot? - Y/N spoke, her hands smoothing over the fabric. Sebastian did not have a soft spot for her, he’d spent the past month poking fun of her clothing and not answering her questions. For Mary, however, who’d known Sebastian since the beginning it looked obvious. 

  - Well, for starters he gave up his room in the bus for you and last night he was so red I thought he’d might explode.

  - But he has a room in the bus, I got the one on the lower ground floor. He has the whole second floor for himself. 

  - No, the second floor is for rehearsing. His bedroom is your bedroom, I know that because I’ve caught him with several girls in there. - Mary said, carefully handing out her card to one of the employees. - But let’s not talk about boys, Y/N. 

After a lot of bickering between the two girls, Y/N eventually took the dress with the promise that she would give it back once she became a big shot lawyer. They spent most of their time in one of the restaurants of the WestGate until they decided to go back to the villa. The band had already left to do a soundcheck so the girls had enough time to get ready. Y/N did not recognise herself in the mirror. She was always used to get ready quite quickly and not really care much but right now here she was, wearing a very expensive beautiful dress, high heels and putting on her very favourite lipstick and nail polish. It had been a gift from her parents once she entered university and she had forever cherished it.

She came out of the room to see Mary putting her shoes on while holding a file in her hand. Mary was a lawyer, a very good one too, and following Fred she would bring work into everything and still have the best time of her life. It was almost entertaining to Y/N how people from different sides of the work spectrum had come together. 

The two girls walked to the lobby where a very nice car was waiting for them and Y/N could no longer picture herself going back to her studio flat in NY, paying stupid amounts for a single bagel. Now she understood why the 1% did everything to remain relatable. 

They reached the venue in a few minutes where a huge queue was already waiting to enter and get a sight of the band. Mary and Y/N, however did not wait in the queue. Mary took her to a small black door in the back being guarded by a guard who smiled once he saw her. 

  - Hello, William. How are we doing, tonight? - Mary asked, grabbing a few passes from another man, handing one to Y/N. 

  - I’m very alright, Mrs. Mary and how are you doing tonight?

  - Buzzing, first time I have the company of someone who doesn’t want to speak about new breast pumps or tummy time. - Mary shook Y/N’s shoulder making her smile. - This is Y/N Wiley, she’s from Rolling Stone. 

  - Very nice to meet you, Miss. - he shook Y/N’s hand and opened the door for them. Mary rushed through the hallway along with Y/N before rushing the right front of the stage. 

Y/N couldn’t help but be stunned at the venue. It looked just like what her father and mother used to say they looked whenever they went to do their own articles. The band still wasn’t on stage but she could see the venue starting to fill up with people screaming their names. 

The band was in the back, tuning their instruments and getting into their outfits, preparing for another show. Sebastian kept peeking at the audience to see if he could get a peak of Mary or Y/N but all he could see was darkness as the lights were still off. 

  - Hey Sebastian, c’mon. Band circle. - Michael patted him in the back before they placed their hands in a circle, while some assistants put their sound ear plugs on their ears.

Y/N’s heart skipped a beat as she heard the song begin and the light started to flicker. Sebastian walked into stage, leather trousers, leather jacket and no shirt which made Y/N’s cheeks go red, making her thank the dim lighting on her. She had to admit he knew how to command a room and specially the attention out of everyone. He threw his jacket onto the audience, a bunch of girls shrieking to get it as he wrapped the cord of the microphone loosely around his neck, singing his heart out.

Mary elbowed Y/N in her side, forcing her to dance out, by raising her arms in the air. She had to admit she was having fun, but at the same time she couldn’t take her eyes out of him. He was electrifying, too much. The show finished and a row of people screamed out as they left the room and before Y/N’s could recover from that, Mary was pushing her backstage. 

She rushed into the arms of her husband, kissing him like no tomorrow as she stood behind to knowing what to do. She gave Fred a smile as she noticed her and as she was about to find somewhere to sit when someone came behind her, raising her into a hug, she turned her head to see Sebastian who set her on the floor once the rest of the band gave them a confused look.

 - You were fantastic. - Y/N said playing with her bracelet. 

 - You look fantastic. - he took a good look at her, from head to toe. - Where’s the white dress?

 - Mary got this for me. It’s worth my whole flat. - she said making him laugh at her incredulous look. 

 - Hey Y/N, let’s get some drinks. - Mary pushed on her arm.

 - Wait, when you return I need to speak to you okay. - Sebastian said and she nodded as Mary walked her over to the bar, blurting out a series of drinks that Y/N never heard about. Anyway, all she could think was about Sebastian and what he could possibly want. Mary gave her a short smile, noticing that her friend was stuck in the middle of her thoughts.

 - That was some hug. - she commented, holding herself on her elbow on the bar top. - You gotta tell me what you guys discuss afterwards. Meet me in my room, girls night. 

 - It’s probably about Rolling Stone’s article. 

 - With that dress, it is probably shagging.

 - Mary! - Y/N’s cheeks warmed up. Mary grabbed the tray from the bartender and started to walk to the back to meet the boys, laughing with Y/N. The sight Y/N saw a few feet away from her however made her stop laughing. She saw Sebastian leaned against the wall, a cigarette stuck in the middle of his lips as a girl had her arms on top of his shoulders.

She took a step backwards, her stomach hurting by the mere sight of what she had just seen. Mary noticing this followed her line of sight, her face twisting in disgust as she placed the tray on the stage. 

 - Let’s go, honey. It’s boring here anyway. - Mary patted her on the shoulders taking her phone to text Fred they were leaving. 

[obsidianarchives]

In Defense of Thaddy Thor's Physique in Avengers: Endgame

There has been a lot of conversation surrounding Avengers: Endgame, the final chapter in Marvel’s 22-film, three-phase saga. Fans and critics have a lot of feelings about what the film did right, but a lot of the chatter I’ve seen on social media has been about what the film did wrong. Specifically, how the film “ruined” Thor. While I get some of the general issues people have with Thor in Endgame, a lot of the criticism feels unfair.

If you haven't seen Endgame yet and don't want to be spoiled, now is the time to stop reading.

At the beginning of the film, our heroes have lost the battle with Thanos. Thor, the self-proclaimed “strongest Avenger,” who first failed to deliver the fatal blow in Wakanda, executes a weakened Thanos on a garden planet in front of a demoralized team, then walks off. When we catch up with him five years later, he’s holed up in New Asgard with friends Miek and Korg. His hair has grown, his beard is unkempt, and crucially, he has gained weight. This has, apparently, made Thor “a joke.” That particular criticism irks me, so I’ll jump right into why I think it’s wrong.

First of all, Thaddy has been through A LOT. He loses the last of his living parents at the beginning of Ragnarok. His sister Hela, fresh outta prison, shattered Mjolnir(!) and kicked him out of the Bifrost mid-transport. She went to Asgard and murked an entire military squad, the Warriors Three, and no telling how many others. He landed on a strange planet where they cut off his hair(!!) and forced him to fight gladiator-style against his friend, Hulk. When he and his friends escaped, they came back to Asgard to save what remained but had to bring about Ragnarok — essentially letting a monster destroy Asgard — to kill Hela. Then when he led his remaining people to safety, their ship was beset upon by Thanos, who manually culled half the people on the ship, killed Heimdall and Loki, and gave Hulk the business. All while Thor watched, tied up and helpless.

Thor had already lost all his friends, family, and the majority of his people before Thanos used the Infinity Gauntlet to reduce the population of all living creatures by half. He 👏🏾 is 👏🏾 depressed. 👏🏾

Depression doesn't look the same on everybody. But it can and sometimes does look exactly like Thor. It looks like isolation, apathy, extreme weight loss or weight gain, and self-medicating or substance abuse. It looks like doing the bare minimum to keep yourself alive and grooming/showering only when you can muster the strength or the fucks to give. Thor wears his anger, grief, and guilt on his body like people who struggle with depression often do.

Apparently, this makes Thor unworthy. Or at least, that’s the way some people have interpreted it. I don't think the filmmakers thought through Thaddy, beyond wanting to show how much he was affected by everything he's experienced since we've known him. He was not written with as much care as he could have been, but I also don’t think he was written carelessly or as a punchline to a bad joke. I don't think the filmmakers saw him negatively or expected the audience to. They wrote him as someone who is still worthy.

Contrary to some criticism (1, 2, 3, 4), there are only a few times where someone makes a specific comment regarding his body/weight.

When Bruce and Rocket go to retrieve Thor and where his new, fatter body is revealed. Thor says something like "I am doing good, don't I look good?" and Rocket replies, "you look like melted ice cream."

Rocket is an asshole. That is his most defining characteristic, outside of being a sentient raccoon. (This is also why he does not give Thor a good pep-talk on Asgard.) Bruce says nothing about his physical appearance or about the way he spends his time and doesn't make fun of him or judge him for how he's changed. He just asks for his help.

When Thor abandons his mission to take the Aether from Jane and runs into his mother. After she lovingly roasts him and gives him sage advice, she sends him off with "eat a salad."

Mom's be like that. That’s not to diminish it cause it is problematic, but it's a thing a mom would say. It's something my mom has said to me and is in line with the kind of caring concern mothers who mean well often show.

After the team has successfully retrieved the stones and are discussing who will wield the new gauntlet. Thor asks them, "do you know what's coursing through my veins right now?" And Rhodey replies jokingly, "cheese wiz." Thor responds to this by making a face/gesture that's hard to read but is either agreement ("that's fair") or mild hurt. I personally read it as, "you got me there, but now is not the time."

It was, maybe, uncalled for, but definitely not worse than any of the numerous jokes that have been levied at other, fit-bodied people over time. One-liners are a staple of the Avengers films. Humor is one way the MCU and the Avengers films, in particular, have softened what might otherwise be very harsh stories to watch. Take away the zingers and it's just angst and fighting and death.

When Thor rejoins the rest of the team in Endgame, nothing really changes in how they treat him. Tony calls him a nickname, Lebowski, which is not a comment about his weight but his dress and overall demeanor. When Thor starts breaking down while discussing Jane and going on a tangent about what he's lost, they awkwardly try to get him back on task and when they can't, Tony gathers him patiently. They may react to him in ways the audience finds humorous, but they are not laughing at him.

I’d say the camera's POV was more discomforting than any of the characters’ words or behaviors. And this seems largely due to our own biases coloring how we view things. I watched all three Thor films recently and they have always loved a lingering torso shot that pans up. All-a-sudden it’s an issue when that same shot is focusing on a body we no longer find "appealing” or "attractive." They’ve always emphasized his body, it’s just now that his body is no longer “desirable” that the shot is making fun of him. The audience saw a “beer belly” and decided that was the joke. Never mind that the camera has always treated Thor this way.

Thor

Dark World

Ragnarok

Bonus: Age of Ultron

As for his character arc, he went from a person who wanted to be king but wasn’t ready in Thor to a person who was ready but didn’t want it in Dark World. In Ragnarok he discovers that even handicapped and disarmed, he has all the power within him. He leads the Asgardian refugees not because he wants to but because he is needed. It’s a lesson carried through into Infinity War, where he stands in front of a dying star to create a new weapon capable of defeating a powered-up Thanos. He doesn’t need Stormbreaker to be powerful, he needs it to channel his power.

That growth wasn't undermined in Endgame. Thor has not regressed, he’s stagnant. He’s lost. He doesn’t know where to go or how to move on. He feels like he failed his people as their king and everyone else as the “Strongest Avenger.” His retrieving of Mjolnir in the past/alternate reality was not about him “needing” a weapon (as he clearly had access to Stormbreaker), it was about him answering the question of, after all the failures and losses, is he still worthy? And he was. Belly, beard, sweatsuit, and all.

Maybe people's discomfort wasn't that the movie "made fun" of Thor's weight, but that it showed him being soft and vulnerable and messy and not all the way together. He didn't suppress the sadness and guilt he's entitled to. He responded to the pain. People want their heroes to suffer silently and never react or be affected. And it bothers some people that he didn't just move the fuck on. The film didn’t make him a “bumbling idiot” it just made him fat and people projected all their biases onto him.

As of this writing, I've seen Endgame three times. I went into both repeat viewings conscious of how the film treats Thor. And I've come away from it each time feeling the same way. I love Thaddy! I love that he was allowed to be imperfect. And I especially love that there was no “quick fix” before the big battle where he magically loses all the weight. Because even with a belly and split ends he’s still powerful, strong, and capable of and willing to fight. He’s still a hero!

And let us be clear, Thanos was beating ALL they asses! Any comments that Thor was singularly weak is nonsense. Tony and Steve got rocked in equal measure. Steve wielding Mjolnir was the shit(!!!) and it didn’t take anything away from Thor or undermine his strength in any way. Thor got his hero moments like many of the OG Avengers did, he just took a few Ls in the process.

Thor's final act on Earth is appointing Valkyrie king of New Asgard. He didn't want to be king in the first place and only took the mantle to protect his people after Asgard fell. In the five years while he was depressed and unable to lead, Valkyrie stepped up. She was ready and willing and he was not. Giving her the throne was not an act of weakness, but one of strength and wisdom. It was a culmination of all the lessons he's learned and him heeding his mother's advice to "be who you are, not who you're supposed to be."

Last we see Thor, he's hitching a ride with the Guardians and having a push-and-pull with Quill over who’s in charge. As we know, Thor is not a dude, he is a man. Quill is a dude at best. It's unclear whether Thor will make an appearance in the next GOTG, but if he does, I expect him to be the captain, it’s only fair.

Whether he remains thicc or tightens up is of no consequence. Being fat does not diminish him. He is still strong and he is still a hero. And frankly, he is still foine! A little tummy ain't never hurt nobody and Thaddy could still get it!

Header image credit to Marvel Studios.

[lukeysgirl]

Married to Punkrock || m.c

welcome, please do stick around if you like my stuff :) request anything and ill write it xx

I M A G I N E 

“Don’t go,” Michael would groan, his arm safely strapped around your body as you attempted to leave the bed. His adorable clingy-ness present itself to you as he would snuggled up against the nape of your neck and attempt to fall asleep again. 

These were typical mornings with Michael Clifford. After 4 years of being together, he finally grew the balls to engage you, and then marry you. And it was quite the wedding, if you were being honest. He married you at one of the bands’ concerts, with a real priest and flowers practically all over the place. It wasn’t the normal wedding you imagined yourself having, but then again, you weren’t dating a normal guy. You were dating and now married to crazy Aussie, Vegemite-loving, punkrock enthusiast Michael Gordon Clifford. 

And never did you regret doing so. 

“Stop being lazy and get up,” you said quietly with a giggle. With the little energy you had, you managed to pry off Michael’s arm and stood up. Your feet met the cold floor, allowing goosebumps to crawl all over your body. With your back to the bed, you began to stretch your arms and legs. A few cracks later and you felt a little stronger. But when you turned around, you noticed Michael’s eyes completely fixed on you. 

“I like your butt,” Michael commented, giving you a goofy grin. You grabbed a pillow and hit him with it, covering his face with the silky item as you fled to the bathroom. You stood at the doorway as Michael moved the pillow and stared. 

“You coming or not?” You hummed, having Michael vigorously nod his head as he practically ripped off the blanket and ran into the bathroom. “You smell like shit.” 

“I literally passed out after last nights performance,” Michael moaned as he turned on the shower. “I literally had my energy depleted up the ass, what the hell was I gonna do? I didn’t even eat after!” 

“Dummy,” you sighed as you turned over to see Michael open his arms to you. You walk over, ignoring his pungent odor as he wrapped his arms around your waist. You were pressed against his bare torso, feeling his cute tummy against your as he leaned down to give you multiple kisses on your lips. 

“Your morning breath is so gross, by the way,” Michael said seductively, having you roll your eyes as you poked his chest with your index fingers. 

“Ditto,” you giggled before the both of you stripped and entered the shower. 

Every morning, Michael would make you guys toast with Vegemite because a) he loves it and b) he didn’t know how to cook but wanted to be a good husband. As you two waited for the coffee to brew and the bread to be toasted, Michael would sit you on the kitchen counter and kiss your minty fresh lips with adoration. On average, Michael would kiss you at least 100 times a day and you were all for it. 

“You did your eyeliner so good today, babe,” Michael gushed, his forest green eyes dimming as he held your waist. You touched his nose with yours and smiled. 

“Thanks, I tried really hard,” you admitted, having Michael give you another tender kiss for your small achievement. After the two of you ate your breakfast, you got a knock on the door from the management, indicating that the tour bus has pulled up in front of the hotel. 

“Baby, did you grab our 3DS’s?” Michael asked as he began to grab his phone and wallet. You went over to your purse and checked, seeing the two small consoles in it with the rest of your stuff. 

“Yeah,” you called as you rushed out the door behind him. As he locked the door, you shoved his arm playfully. “Prepare to get your ass hands to you, babe.”

“In your fucking dreams, Y/N,” Michael said, rolling his eyes as he wrapped his arm around your waist. Guards quickly surrounded the both of you as Michael held you close. On your way outside, the paparazzi exploded with questions and flashed millions of pictures. But, as usual, you and Michael were too caught up in conversation to actually care. 

“Hey lovebirds, what kept you two?” Calum asked, winking at you as if you’ve done something naughty. You rolled your eyes as Michael helped you into the bus. You shoved Calum out of your way as you sat down on the empty couch. 

“Sorry, I fucked Michael in the ass this morning,” you joked, having Calum explode with laughter as Michael grabbed you in his arms and rocked the both of you on the couch. It was unbelievable how comfortable you were with Michael and the rest of the band to say such things. 

“Shut up, you,” Michael mumbled, kissing your head softly before letting you go. “Alright, let me show you who’s the man now.” You quickly took out your games and passed Michael his. 

“You lost literally the last 7 games we’ve played,” you point out as you turned on your 3DS to play Mario Kart. “What thinks you could beat me now?”

“Because all you do is pick the course you’re best at!” Michael complained as he turned on his game. “If we did Rainbow Road, we’d have a better time knowing who’s better.” 

“Bring it on, Clifford,” you challenged, shaking Michael’s large hand before the two of you prepared for the race. Luke and Ashton came from their punks and patted your head, but you were too busy trying to beat Michael to really notice. 

“Such nerds, ya’ll are cute,” Luke commented as he grabbed a Naked from the mini refrigerator. 

“Honestly she’s the cute in our relationship,” Michael said without his eyes leaving the game. 

“That’s bull, he’s so adorable,” you denied as you played the game. In half an hour, you managed to beat Michael in 5 of the 6 games you guys had the time to play. 

Your afternoon was then spent going to multiple radio stations to watch the boys perform and be interviewed. You were sat on your own chair by the band, being all the way at the end beside Ashton. But as the boys sang, you and Michael could not stop staring at each other. You’d give him little funny expressions and he couldn’t help but smile the entire time he performed. 

A lot of the interviews the boys held were centered around you and Michael’s marriage. Considering that you two were still so young, people were skeptical about the decision. But as usual, Michael would tell the interviewer how much he doesn’t regret the decision. 

“It can only be Y/N, honestly,” Michael said with a shrug as he adjusted his headphones. “I can’t see myself with anybody else but her. Why should I wait to settle down later when I know my heart is set on her? Might as well ring her now when I can, right?”

His responses always made your heart bounce as you held your wedding band. He used a 25 cent ring as a holder at first, as he said he was getting the rings customized. When he proposed, he surprised you with a ring that was worth thousands. ‘The most expensive ring for a priceless girl,’ he told you as you cried from happiness. 

“Is living with him easy?” You were asked this question constantly. You were sat in Michael’s lap at a different interview, feeling his protective arms hold you tightly as you played with his beard. 

“It’s not hard, but it sure is an adventure,” you said, having the crowd giggle as you pulled a bit of Michael’s beard. He crinkled his nose and shot you a playful expression as you kissed Michael’s cheek. “It’s not bad, it’s just a lot of energy.”

“Am I a piece of work?” Michael asked, playfully frowning as you grabbed his jaw and planted a kiss on his lips. 

“Yes, but you’re my piece of work, so it’s okay.” You gave him a big hug, warming the crowds heart as he returned the love.”

As the afternoon came to an end, you and the boys were taken back to the hotel and actually did a bit of signing for the fans that waited all day in the hotel all day. Michael didn’t let you leave his side as he did a bit of signing. You did a bit of signing yourself, but sometimes got denied of that. 

“Oh, I just want Michael to sign...” a girl said rudely as she held her 5SOS photo. You felt a little hurt but you were used to it as a lot of fans didn’t except you two. Michael noticed you pout and looked at the girl who made you that way. 

“If my wife can’t sign, I can’t either,” Michael said with a shrug as he squeezed your hand. “Have a goodnight everyone!” Michael cheered before leading you away from the fans and towards the elevator. The girl who didn’t want you to sign screamed as you guys fled to your hotel room. 

“You didn’t have to break that girls heart for me, you know,” you mused as you two entered your hotel room. Michael escaped to the bedroom as you quickly threw your purse on the couch and removed your shoes. You walk over to find Michael sprawled on the newly-made bed with his eyes closed. 

“I’m tired,” Michael groaned as he let out a breath. You walked over to him and rubbed his back. “It’s been a long day.” 

“I know,” you said as you let out a yawn. “C’mon, lets get you comfortable, baby.” You got him to sit up as you removed his converse and tight skinny jeans. Leaving him in his Red Hot Chili Peppers shirt and Calvin Klein’s underwear, he chuckled and shook his head. 

“I should be doing this for you, y’know,” Michael said with laughter, having you laugh as well as you let him strip you. Left in the same position, Michael stood up and took off your bra for you, as he knew it was a pain to take off. “Here.” He removed his shirt and pulled it down on you, having it fit you like a dress. 

“You’re so large,” you mumble, smiling down as you held the hem of his shirt. Michael made you face him and held your face, cupping your cheeks in his calloused hands. You felt his wedding bands against your cheek, smiling at the cold material. 

“And you’re so beautiful,” Michael whispered as he gave you a gentle kiss on the lips. “Mrs. Clifford.” He gave you yet another loving kiss as you wrapped your arms around his neck for more. 

“Wanna order some pizza, hubby?” You said under your breath as you stared into his green eyes. “I don’t wanna cook dinner.”

“God yes,” Michael gushed as he went to grab another shirt. He also threw a pair of your shorts at you, making you hold it with confusion. “The delivery dude is not going to see you pantsless. I don’t care how long my shirt is on you-- that will not stop me from punching him if he even gets a glance at your panties.” 

“Calm down, Mikey,” you giggled as you pulled up the pair of shorts. 

“Not looking at my wife,” Michael muttered angrily as he led you out the room. You smiled at your husband as you trailed after him to make sure he doesn’t order so much pizza. 

You know, as he usually did. 

[stupidpianist]

10 October 2018

08:00: Woke extremely blearily. Was like, “Jesus, I feel like I didn’t get any sleep last night.” Was one of those nights where you’re sort of phasing in-and-out of sleep but you’re never fully asleep and never fully conscious. Remember distinctly thinking, at multiple moments throughout the night, that my pillow “felt inordinately uncomfortable,” without being able to cognize why, even after visual/tactile investigation of said pillow. First emotion I recall upon waking: extreme, almost shocking levels of stress/anxiety. Told myself, “breathe, just deep breathe, like you see in those meditation videos,” and rationalised that cortisol levels follow a strong diurnal rhythm, with “high levels in the morning that peak 30-45 minutes after waking, dropping rapidly for the next several hours and declining slowly throughout the rest of the day, until a low point of around midnight.” Deep breathing seemed to have an opposite effect, felt distinctly “out-of-breath” like I had been running for five-to-ten minutes, felt increasingly panicked.

08:55: Felt a sensation like I “might as well” get up, stood, walked to bathroom, splashed water on my face. Chose hair product I haven’t used in months to try and “switch things up,” feeling a little mischievous, or something. I usually use this Gatsby branded Asian hair product, but “went with” my pink Reuzel “heavy grease” one today, with pretty good results, maybe, possibly. Then walked to sink, where I made a G Fuel energy shake and drank it while standing and staring at my wall, feeling “extremely surprised” that I “somehow didn’t feel tired” despite not really sleeping the entire night.

09:10: Moved to bed and idly browsed Facebook while thinking, “do a ‘mix-and-match’ outfit today, go ahead, go crazy,” and chose slightly older jeans and a slightly newer jacket. Felt medium-to-high levels of panic re: entire future of my life, short-term tasks I hadn’t done yet, long term-tasks I hadn’t done yet. Attempted to force “positive thinking” on myself through unrelentingly repeating aphorisms in my head, and ceaselessly telling myself that “I can do it,” and that “I’ll get through it,” and will “feel better in an hour or two.”

09:35: Walked to “Animal Behaviour and Theory” lecture, vaguely annoyed that it was drizzling a little. Decided to be a “polite pedestrian,” a “law-abiding citizen” and didn’t jaywalk, despite sometimes being at intersections with no cars within eyeshot, waiting for the walk signal to illuminate. Felt strangely unable to decide what music to play from iPod, switching between bands before settling on Kero Kero Bonito.

10:04: Notes from margins of my notebook from lecture:

-Chose to write with “classic pen” over “fancy pen”

-Energy… fading…

-Seem unable to stop shaking left leg

-Is this a homemade carbonara sauce?

-Gosh I’m tired

For most of the lecture I actually felt, like, attentive and focused. I really like the professor who teaches this class, who I also took another psych course with over the summer. He’s my favourite professor this semester “by a long shot,” and I genuinely enjoy going to his classes. Distinctly remember a lot of the jokes he makes, and am also appreciative that he goes over denser topics at a reasonable rate, whilst not overdoing simpler ones. Another observation—he always has the same thermos, unfalliably, every class, and I’m pretty certain it’s filled with coffee. Seems like he drinks an egregious amount of coffee, like, more than almost anyone I’ve ever met. I looked him up on Facebook one night, just out of curiosity, and saw that he listens to thrash metal, which makes a lot of sense, ie. corroborates well with his general presence. He once made a small exclamation of astonishment that there are scientists who “study blue jays”; I felt similarly surprised.

11:36: Hardcore debating with myself whether or not to “stick it through” and just spend the rest of the day on campus practicing piano and studying, then going home, or if I should go back home for a bit and nap. Unsure if I have… the “stamina”... the “drive”... the “tactical know-how”... the “desire” to push on…

Okay, no, no, I’ve decided, I have to do this, I can’t break down on the second day of liveblogging, NOT ON THE SECOND DAY. My head is going “you can’t do this to yourself, George, you can’t quit now,” like, in a motivational, Will Smith-esque voice. Imagining Will Smith leaning over my shoulder, one arm around me, with slightly furrowed eyebrows going, “come on, man, you can do it, you can D-O I-T,” and really annunciating the last few consonants. Yes, yes, feeling “renewed energy,” feeling like I’m gonna go practice, then go to my last lecture, and “finish off the day,” just “tie it off in one fell swoop.”

12:07: Reading Megan’s Liveblog with the intent to stop reading it once my need to use the bathroom becomes “unavoidable.” Still listening to Kero Kero Bonito. Feel strongly that this is going to be the “vibe” for today, and felt immediate aversion towards using the word “vibe” in a viscerally disgusted manner.

Feel earnest and tear-inducing empathy towards song “Sometimes” by Kero Kero Bonito, semi-dancing to it with my torso and head in the library. Softly singing along to the lyrics:

“Sometimes, life gets you down

But you can turn it all around

The raindrops keep falling, you're soaking to the bone

And you can't see for the clouds

Sometimes, life isn't fair

But you can beat it, don't despair

You win some, you lose some

And then you lose some more

You even played your best

But just round the corner

The sun's looking dapper

And Lady Luck's his date

The happy days are coming again

Sometimes, life is a drag

But get that chin up, don't be sad

'Cause somebody up there is looking out for you

And now they're makin' plans

But just round the corner

Well, the real truth of it's that nobody really knows

Life sure doesn't make sense

But on your boots you can bet

That everybody gets the blues sometimes”

I feel like a major part of why I’ve been so endeared to this band for years is just its honest, down-to-earth, non-elaborated-nor-ornamented, non-pessimistic but non-optimistic, just truthful look at life. Feel like it “mixes well” with the slightly childlike, but forlorn instrumentals. Feel like this is definitely “intentional,” and I’m “nowhere near” the first person to point this out, but still feel good that personally observing this elicited such strong, benevolent emotional feedback.

12:25: Really, really considering going to Burger King for “Whopper Wednesday” and getting a cheapass Whopper meal… Feel my stomach “churning for that Whopper.” Brain is going, in sing-song-ey voice, “you want that Whopper, dontcha, big boy, you want that Whopper digesting in your big ol’ tummy huh big boy.”

12:34: Sent a Snapchat to best friend Felix while leaving library in direction of Burger King. The Snap read “Yo wanna hit up Burger King Whopper Wednesday today”. Meant it as a bit of a joke, as Felix lives in Ottawa (and I live in Montreal). Used to enjoy getting food with him to a significant, nearly unbelievable degree. Imagined him opening the Snap while on break at work and smiling, maybe even grinning a bit.

12:45: My internal voice just announced, “Now arriving at Burger King,” with a subway-announcer-like cadence and tone, as I entered the Burger King, slightly afraid that there would be a massive line, being that I was arriving around, or just after “peak lunch hours.” Well guess what?? Barely a line. Barely one at all. Must have taken just shy of five minutes to place an order. “One Whopper meal, please,” I said. It was a “smooth interaction.” No hiccups or speed bumps or unforseen conversation points brought up without proper preparation.

Ahead of me were two people who asked for “the spicy sauce,” and the person behind the counter placed “buffalo” sauce on their tray, which made me think, “why not, treat yourself, go for it, how many times can a man eat buffalo Burger King sauce?” and so I asked the lady for “some buffalo sauce, please.” Made me feel a little spoiled.

Chose “Cherry Coke” and almost immediately regretted it after first sip. Should have gone with “ol’ faithful,” the “OG” Coke, sans extra flavourings. An amateur mistake, and one that I’ll learn from in the future.

I sat near a window, and while eating, conspicuously stared outside and people-watched, and made direct, extended eye contact with thirty, maybe forty, maybe even fifty people?? A lot of them seemed to have actively depressed facial expressions, which, combined with the grey weather, made me feel slightly concerned for the general public as a whole.

Attempted to offset this feeling of desperation/dysphoria by strategising the most optimal way to consume french fries whilst also eating a burger. Tried a multitude of different “tactics,” including:

-pre-dipping and leaving the french fries in the sauce, so they could accumulate “sauce flavour” and be “ready for the picking” whenever you wanted one

-placing the fries inside the burger so as to eat both at the same time and sort-of do the whole “two birds one stone” thing

-assigning one hand as the “dedicated fry hand,” the other hand as the “dedicated burger hand,” and ensuring that, while taking bites of the burger, the other hand reached and grabbed more fries; this seemed to be a little complicated as the meal went on, given the messiness of the burger, which became increasingly sloppy with each bite

After these experiments I eventually just settled on holding the burger with both hands (still in the wrapper to minimise direct skin-on-food contact) and routinely putting it down on the papered tray to stuff some fries in my mouth. Sad.

13:05: Left Burger King. Walking to practice rooms. It’s a lot colder now than when it was when I first walked to campus. Like, much colder. Like, much, much colder.

13:13: Smelled pungent odour in basement of music building, seemed like a byproduct of Vietnamese banh mi/pho place in the music cafeteria?

13:18: Practiced Schubert “therapeutically,” Alkan “aggressively, then Thalberg “for maintenance.” Completely forgot about my previous tiredness, also temporarily forgot about ~90% of the external world for a good portion of the “practice session,” which surprised me. Made me want to “keep going.” Responded to Facebook messages from best friend Poppy, who lives in the same apartment complex as me, in response to how much colder the day had gotten since both of us woke up.

15:09: Practice session rudely interrupted by protesters outside on sidewalk blaring horn sounds. Didn’t notice them while practicing, but now that I’ve started fixating on them, I can’t hear anything except for their interminable squawking. ALERT!!! SHUT UP!!!! NOBODY CAN HEAR THEMSELVES!!!! YOUR PROTEST HAS FOUR PEOPLE!!!! WHAT ARE YOU PROTESTING!!!! YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE A SIGN!! I HATE YOU!!!

I don’t actually hate them I shoiuldn’t have typed that, “hate” is too strong a word to use 99.99% of the time, I feel, in any situation. Need to “get the hell out of here,” though, cannot possibly concentrate with this din.

15:15: Walking back to McLennan library to “work on things” on computer before next lecture, “Intro to Behavioural Neuroscience.” Reading music reviews of recently-released albums on phone while walking. Feel high spikes of excitement to listen to Marissa Nadler’s new album, For My Crimes, all my favourite music reviewers are unanimously praising it. Really loved her last album, Strangers. Reading Pitchfork blurb for this new one: “On her moody eighth album, the Boston singer-songwriter examines the icy terrain of marital strife through the lens of her habitual gothic folk.” Thinking, “yes, yes, yes, good, good, thank you, yes, amazing.” Also thinking, “Wait, she’s from Boston?”

15:25: Seated at desktop workstation in McLennan ground floor. Reading any articles on Marissa Nadler I can find, Megan Boyle’s Liveblog open in another tab, Spotify open in another tab, Marissa Nadler’s new album playing. Sounds so good so far.

Woman seated to the right of me is bobbing her head to a song with a similar rhythmic pattern to the song playing for me… We’re both bobbing our heads a little, we’re in sync… Looks like a miniature silent dance party in this corner of the library, in this corner of the library we really “know how to party,” we really “get it on.” We’re a “coupla party animals” up in THIS corner of the library, i tell you what.

16:03: Woman to my right packed up her supplies and left. Sad. Was studying some history course on France. Enjoyed our “moment” together. Feel strongly that anonymous, limited, spontaneous connections with strangers, often based on music, are immensely enjoyable, some of the most enjoyable interactions one can have, I feel.

Recalling “silent disco night”: showed up to the venue, everyone put on headphones and loaded up the pre-made mix, started the mix at the same time. At around ten pm, disco leader danced in front of us leading “the pack” through the streets as we all aggressively danced to mix nobody else could hear. A “life changing” experience. Please do it at least once in your life, you “owe it to yourself.”

Marissa Nadler album seeming to “sync up” perfectly to reading Megan’s Liveblog in an uncanny way. Unfortunately feel mounting dread over going to next lecture, knowing I will likely be nodding off for ~60-70% of it, not because the material is uninteresting, but the format of the lecture is unfortunately unconducive towards holding interest, I feel… Am trying not to “trash talk” anyone, feel distinctly worried that this could come across as “trash talking” to some of u, trust me, I am not trash talking this class, the problem is me, not the lectures, I am just a bad student, trust me, please, please…

Contemplated not going, then reverted back to my “no, George, you can’t just skip class willy nilly like this” thinking. Feeling this liveblog actively coercing me to do things like go to class in a beneficial manner. “Thank you, liveblog,” I’m thinking, softly, in my head.

16:31: Speedwalking to lecture. Feeling “determined,” almost recklessly so, to attempt to remain focused for the entirety of this class.

16:59: Notes scrawled while sitting in class:

-Oh my gosh i should just leave, eh?

-Sensory transduction

-Feel focus fading fast

-Reading Megan’s Liveblog in class via phone

-Need to go pee anyways

-Gonna leave after another ~30ish minutes, I think... That’s a “healthy medium,” right? Have I FAILED MYSELF? Ha ha. Na. 

-Just gotta rly catch up on these lectures

-Three other people left, thought, “three down,” classroom seems only 1/2 full since first day of class

-Jeez I gotta pee I’m so leaving gosh I’m so bad I’m so behind in this class anyways but all the lectures are recorded so I think I’ll be fine...

17:12: Couldn’t do it. That’s right, folks. I’ve “thrown in the towel.” Feel free to beat on my lazy dumb rump, just come up to me and backhand smack me across the face. Don’t be afraid to knock a few teeth loose, it’s been a long time coming. 

I am feeling “vaguely adventurous,” though, I’m going to use one of the bathrooms in the Leacock/Arts building underground tunnel that I almost never use; last time I used it was when I did the all day full reading of Milton’s Paradise Lost like almost a full year ago. That was really life changing, I don’t think the professor is doing it again this year, but I hope I can get an invite to Miltonmas again?

(You’re wondering what Miltonmas is. It’s hosted by the resident Milton expert professor here at McGill, and it’s this get together on Milton’s birthday, which always falls nicely and coincidentally near holiday break. I went last year and it was, like, super fun. Not very Milton-themed though, just a lot of wine, a lot of English students, and then at the end of the night there was caroling. Now you know what Miltonmas is, you’re welcome.)

UPDATE: used the bathroom. They had one of those newfangled Dyson Airblade V dryers that I always go crazy for (”Now 30% quieter & costs 69% less to run than other hand dryers. Free 5 year warranty available.”), though not as crazy as those Airblade dB ones you shove your hands down vertically into.

 Check this bad boy out: 

Bumped into one of the volunteers for the community piano program I help coordinate and he said he was about to take an organic chem midterm and I made an exaggeratedly concerned facial expression, then said, “good luck, man.” He responded, “see you” a few seconds later after I had already walked away a bit, and I spun around again said, “yea, see you soon,” then continued walking home. 

17:28: Y’all won’t even believe the kind of shenanigans I’m about to get myself into. Guess what I’m about to do? Take your wildest, I can almost guarantee you’re gonna be so so off the mark.

I’m getting grocery store sushi.

That’s right, I, George, a simple peon, am treating myself to TWO meals out in ONE day. I have no idea why I’m doing this. I was just walking home and my brain said, “you know what’d be good? Cheap, cold, bad grocery store sushi. Go get it, go, fetch, you dog, fetch for me, I want it.”

18:05: Ate the sushi while watching videos of people preparing sushi on YouTube. It was extremely unsatisfying and tremendously filling to the point where I regret even buying it. I should have known better. Filing this one in another one of “today’s failures,” and in the entire-orders-of-magnitude larger folder of “my life’s failures.” Shoot.