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whereianonymouslypostfics · 2 years ago

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Silver Springs Part 10

Pairing: Wanda Maximoff x reader

Word count: ~10.5k

Summary: Wanda tries to leave her mob life behind to start a family with you

A/N: I’m very impatient and need to post this before I fall asleep. If y’all noticed me post the wrong thing, no you didn’t. Enjoy the angst!

Chapter Warnings: Graphic depictions of violence, death, and heavy angst.

When you hang up a while later, you look to the appointment that’s been added to get a little more information. There’s not much there, but you assume people are working on getting it for you, so you don’t worry about it for now. You have another half hour until your appointment starts so you decide to try to eat something. You grab your water bottle and open it right as your phone rings again. You sigh but answer it to find out you have a walk in. A large dog who was attacked by another dog. When you hang up after saying you’ll be right there you go to stand up forgetting about your water and you spill it all over your desk. You curse as you pick up your keyboard to stop it from reaching the computer as you grab a nearby towel. You start to clean it up before you realize that you’ve soaked your com and you curse again.

“Bucky? Can you hear me?”

You don’t hear anything and you quickly text the brunette that you might have fried your coms before heading downstairs to see this dog. You arrive to near chaos and you curse the fact that you hadn’t taken a little longer to figure things out.

Sometimes you forget how scared some dogs can be. You are reminded of this as soon as you realize that the large dog that an assistant is holding is snapping and trying to lunge at anyone who comes near him. This isn’t something that’s acceptable and you honestly need to talk to your boss a little more about dealing with aggressive pets, but for now you just hurry to grab a big enough e collar that you can throw over this dog to hopefully stop him from biting someone.

You’re also reminded of how scary terrified dogs are when they’re lunging and growling at you. You hold the e collar up towards him and he clearly recognizes them and tries to avoid it, but eventually you slip it over his head and you do it without getting bit.

��Okay, can someone tell me what’s going on?”

Apparently, this dog was in a fight, and despite being the instigator, his victim got in a couple of good bites. The other, smaller dog was dead and that not only depressed you, but concerned you. You're not sure you can send this dog off on his merry way without knowing his situation. So after sedating the dog to get a good exam in you go and talk to his owner to find out as much as you can.

It sounds like a classic dog fighting scenario from what you can gleam from the man’s vague answers and reassurances that it’s ‘no big deal, doc’. Not to mention, his dog is covered in scars on his face, front legs, and hips that are both bite wounds and scratches. Again, you’re at a loss for what to do and you consult another doctor to figure out what the best course of action would be. You both agree to call animal control and have them handle the situation as soon as the dog is treated for his injuries.

You end up running late for most of your appointments in the afternoon due to how involved this case ends up being. You had almost forgotten about the euthanasia at the end of the day when it comes in right before closing. You curse under your breath before running upstairs and grabbing your phone to let Bucky know that you were going to be a little late leaving today.

“Hey.”

“Hey sorry it’s so late, but I forgot to tell you I have a euthanasia coming in now and I won’t be able to leave for a while.”

Bucky insists that it’s fine and that he’ll wait outside for you. You apologize again for breaking the coms, but you promise to have your phone on you at all times.

Mark is the assistant who is with you on this appointment, and you’ve already promised him that this shouldn’t take too long. You feel bad for keeping him here, especially since this is only his third week or so, but he insists it’s fine as you go to get the drugs for the dog. You walk into the room alone first to talk to the owner and examine the moribund dog. You honestly aren’t sure that he won’t just die on his own here, but you’re not going to find out and you bring a technician in to help place a catheter as you go over the process with the owner who just nods silently throughout.

“What questions can I answer?”

When he says he doesn’t have any, but that he’ll want to take his dog home with him, you insist that you can help him take him back to the car. The technician leaves and you and Mark are left alone with the owner. You’d placed the drugs down next to you as you knelt by the dog who had stopped breathing at this point. You’d gotten permission to start and you are about the grab the sedative when the owner speaks up for only the second time since getting here.

“Thank you for making this so easy, Dr. Maximoff.”

You don’t realize he’s said your married name immediately, and you frown in confusion before turning to see him smiling at you. You open your mouth to say something but you don’t get the chance as something pokes you in the neck and you're grabbed from behind.

Bucky sighs as he looks at his watch once again. It’s almost 7 o’clock and he’s starting to get antsy. A few minutes ago, he’d seen the last car leave other than yours from the parking lot. He was certain that you were done at this point and he was getting worried. About 20 minutes ago, two men had come out hauling the euthanized dog to the client’s car. He’d watched them stick it in the trunk and he frowned at both the idea and the visual of that, but he’d just looked away before watching the assistant head back inside.

The client left, and then the assistant left a little later, but you had yet to come out. He knew you were on that appointment, so he decided to give you until 7 before calling you. He knew you were eager to get home and you would let him know if the plans had changed.

He sighs again before reaching into his pocket to grab his phone. He calls you and settles back in his seat as he listens to the phone ring. By the fifth ring it goes to voicemail and Bucky’s frown deepens. He hangs up and calls again, only to get your voicemail a second time. He decides to go find you himself because if everyone else is gone, no one will care.

He gets out of his car and locks it before heading to the yard. The fence around it is always open, and the door into the clinic behind it isn’t locked up until later at night. He walks into the clinic and waits and listens to confirm no one else is here. He looks to the dog runs and pokes his head in to look for you. You’re not there, but Boone is and he barks and jumps up when he sees Bucky. The brunette lets him out and gestures for him to follow.

“Let’s go find your mom, Boone.”

Boone whines as he hurries through the empty building to the stairs. He’s been in here exactly once before and there hadn’t been anyone here at that time either. It was eerily quiet as they walk up the stairs. All of the doctors’ offices are empty, and when he gets to yours and sees your things are still there, he becomes more confused. He takes them with him as he walks back down the stairs and looks in the empty exam rooms before coming to a room that’s still shut. He knocks, but when no one answers he opens it carefully. When Bucky sees what he assumes is a dead dog lying on the floor he runs back out to his car. Boone follows him and he jumps into the passenger seat as Bucky dials Wanda’s number.

“Hey Bucky.”

“Wanda, I think someone took Y/n, I need you to track her. “

Wanda drops the drink she was holding and the glass shatters in the sink. She doesn’t pay it any mind as she scrambles to open the app in her phone.

“You think?? What happened, Buck?”

While Wanda’s checking for your location Bucky quickly explains what happened today. First you spilling water on your coms and then you having to stay late for a euthanasia.

“She told me about that. How do you know it was him?”

Bucky tells her about how he saw the dog in the clinic just now, but that the client had definitely been carrying something to his car in a body bag. Wanda’s panicking by the time Bucky says this, and it only becomes worse as she realizes where your trackers are. Your phone is at work as is your car. The one in your shoulder, however is somewhere downtown. Only about 30 minutes away from the clinic. She gets the address and gives it to Bucky before she claims that she’ll be there too.

“I need to talk to Steve and Nat but I’ll meet you there.”

Bucky’s nodding as he starts his car before peeling out of the parking lot.

“Okay, I have Boone with me. I’ll let you know when I get there.”

Wanda thanks him before she’s running out her door. She just manages to grab a jacket, an extra gun and her keys before she’s calling Steve and letting him know what’s going on. He says that he’ll call Nat and they’ll all meet Bucky at your location.

Wanda is freaking out and hates that she considers going to see Vision before leaving to find you. She has no idea what happened today, but it’s all part of his plan. She makes a detour to the basement and storms down the hall to the room where Vision’s being kept. She throws the door open and starts speaking before she even knows if he’s awake.

“Where did you tell him to take her!?”

Vision looks up lazily and frowns as he’s just returning to consciousness. He’s exhausted and he’s lost a lot of blood in the hours that he’s been down here. He jolts awake when Wanda slaps him across the face to get his attention, but she only glares at him expectantly.

“What?”

She’s losing patience with him and she pulls her gun out before holding it to his forehead with a growl.

“You either tell me where Rumlow took Y/n in two seconds, or I’m putting a hole in your head.”

Vision just stares at her for a moment then he shakes his head before he speaks. He realizes that his time is up and he’s not going to get another chance to have Wanda as his own. He’s lost her already and he’s not sure what else he could do at this point. He sighs in defeat before he shoots Wanda one last smile.

“He’s going to do worse than kill her.”

Wanda shoots him and is out the door in nearly the same second, and she doesn’t look back as she races to her car. She’s already going through all of the scenarios in her head. You’re not going to get out of this scot-free and she may not get there in time to stop Rumlow from killing you. As she gets in her car and it roars to life, she just prays that Bucky gets there before her.

You’re still very sedate when you are handcuffed to a chair. You don’t know where you are, and your eyes refuse to focus as your head rolls back and forth between your shoulders. You realize eventually that you’re in a chair and being held in place by something cold, but beyond that you can’t identify it. You open your eyes and groan in pain before you realize you’re not alone.

“Nice to officially meet you Dr. Maximoff. I don’t think we’ve been formally introduced.”

You focus on a figure in front of you. It takes you a minute as you see three of him at once before your brain finally settles enough to recognize that the person in front of you is not the last person you saw. You can’t remember how you got here from work. You’d been doing something, but somehow, now you’re here.

You take a moment to stare at the brunette who’s practically leering at you. He’s older than you, maybe 5 years or so, and he’s got a mustache, short hair and a few scars. You don’t recognize him and even if you weren’t drugged, you’re convinced you wouldn’t know who this man is. You try to sit up more or even stand up but you realize that’s not going to happen as soon as you try. You look down at your arms and you scowl before looking back to the still grinning brunette.

He takes a couple of steps towards you and it’s then that you notice the large knife in his hand. You try not to flinch as he raises it to your eye level but you’re still a little groggy so you can’t help but jump slightly.

“I’m Brock Rumlow. I’m sure your wife’s mentioned me. We’re really good friends.”

Even without looking at him you pick up on the sarcasm, it’s practically dripping from his voice at the last statement. You recognize the name immediately and try to see this guy as the one who trespassed on your property and shot up your house in the middle of the night.

“Y-you shot my dog.”

He just laughs at this before nodding and scowling at the thought. He wasn’t sure why Vision had gone about things the way he did. He honestly had just wasted a lot of time and pissed Wanda off instead of won her attention. Hell, she had probably killed him at this point and Rumlow was just glad that Vision paid him up front.

“Yeah, that was pretty stupid. He told me not to kill him, but to hurt him just enough to make you suspicious. A waste of time if you ask me.”

He’s close to you now and you don’t realize why until he circles the chair you’re stuck to and stands behind you. You flinch again when he touches your back and you’re about to ask what he’s doing when he speaks up. You try to get away from him but realize it’s just silly to try. You’re handcuffed and there’s no way you’re getting out of here without some help.

“Speaking of wasting time. I need to get this out of you.”

You have no idea what he’s talking about, and you continue to struggle as he starts to rub your shoulders.

“What the fuck are you doing??”

You don’t get an answer from him but he stops for a moment and you briefly think that he’s not going to do anything bad. You see him reach into his pocket for something but you don’t realize what until he’s holding it in front of your face. You’re still waking up from the sedative and you’re slow to respond to the familiar voice.

“Say hello, doc.”

You don’t realize he’s talking to you and you just frown in confusion before you hear your wife’s voice. You stiffen and try to open your mouth to respond but you’re too shocked to.

“Y/n? Are you there? Talk to me please.”

You squeeze your eyes shut before shaking your head with a groan. Your vision is only slightly clearer as a result.

“Wanda?”

Wanda feels her heart start to race when she hears your voice confirming that you’re with Rumlow. She starts to drive faster, but she’s still too far away to stop whatever is about to happen. She’s about ten minutes away and she just hopes that Bucky’s closing in on your location.

“I’m on the way, Y/n. I’m only ten minutes away.”

When Rumlow laughs Wanda’s knuckles turn white from her tight grip on the steering wheel. Wanda’s considering getting out of the car and just running, but she knows that won’t be any faster. She’s in the city now and can only go so quickly. She takes a second to text Bucky ‘ETA’ as Rumlow speaks up. Wanda almost drops the phone and considers running the red light she’s at when his words register.

“Oh, don’t bother, Wanda. We’ll be done by then.”

You stiffen further as Rumlow’s words hit you like a cold shower. You get a better look at the knife that he’s holding and you gasp as he grabs your shirt and pulls on it before he starts to cut it. You go stock still afraid that he’s going to take it off completely, but he stops once he exposed your shoulder and you’re confused once again. You hiss at the feeling of the cold metal against your skin and then you quickly curse when you feel it cut into you.

“Fuck.”

You clench your teeth at the same time that Wanda does as she looks to the text that Bucky just sent. He’s three minutes out. You can’t stop yourself from groaning as Rumlow cuts deeper into your shoulder against your shoulder blade and you can’t hold back your pained screams when he doesn’t stop. You have no idea what he’s doing and neither does Wanda as she just listens to you scream in agony. She’s running another red light and is only a few minutes away when she hears from Bucky again.

“Rumlow! Stop now and I may not torture you before killing you!”

You can’t hear Wanda over your screaming and tears start running down your face as Rumlow carves up your back. He doesn’t stop until he hits what he was looking for. He peels your skin back, ignoring the curses you let out as he digs out the small metal chip that Wanda’s used to track you for years. He smiles as he walks away from you and tosses it on the floor with a smile.

“Got it. Now how will you keep track of your wife?”

You’re breathing heavily and still crying when Rumlow says this so you’re not really able to register his words immediately. You take a deep breath before you hear your wife threaten Rumlow again. You hear something slam on the other end of the phone and Rumlow must realize he’s running out of time because he grabs his gun from his hip quickly.

“Any last words, doctor?”

You can think of a dozen things you’d like to say, but you’re in too much pain to form words. You just glare at him before you brace yourself. You try to block out the sound of Wanda shouting and pleading with the brunette, but it’s difficult. When Rumlow raises his gun and aims, you close your eyes and take a deep breath.

It hurts a lot more than you thought it would. You’ve never gotten shot before, and you’re eternally grateful for this as the bullet tears through you and hits the wall behind you. You start to feel dizzy and everything sounds muffled as you grow limp in the chair.

“Y/n, no!”

Wanda’s running as fast as she can at this point, and she doesn’t stop despite feeling her breath leave her lungs at the sound of you getting shot. She needs to get to you and get to Rumlow before he escapes. He needs to die for this and she wants to be the one to do it.

Rumlow just smiles as he looks at you slumped over and bleeding out. He heads for the door behind him to leave. He’s done his job and now he can disappear again until Wanda gives up or he has time to slip away from her reach. He goes to open the door but he’s stopped short when it slams open in front of him. He stumbles back slightly and in the same instant he’s shot dead by Bucky who’d run all the way here after hearing him shoot you.

“Y/n!”

The first thing he notices is all of the blood. It’s covering the floor around you and leading toward the door in bloody boot prints. It’s still dripping down the chair you’re sitting in motionless and Bucky feels his breath catch at the sight of you. It’s not until he hears footsteps behind him that he snaps out of his trance. He runs towards you and tries to take stock of the damage. Your head is against your chest and he doesn’t see an exit wound which he’s grateful for, but the amount of blood tells him that he still has to worry.

“Holy shit.”

Bucky turns when he hears Nat’s voice but he quickly turns back to their friend in front of him. Bucky’s phone is ringing, but he doesn’t notice as he looks at the wound on your shoulder before managing to lift your head and feel for your pulse. Nat grabs his phone since he’s too distracted and answers it before practically throwing it on the ground. She grabs her bag that’s got basic first aid, but looking at how much you’ve bled, she’s not sure it will be enough.

“Bucky, please tell me you’re there.”

Nat nods as she looks to you and has to hold back a gasp at what she sees. Bucky’s confirmed that you’ve been shot in the abdomen and at that same moment it hits the both of them that you’re still breathing. Blood falls from your lips and Bucky’s quick to shoot through your handcuffs to lift you out of the chair.

“We’re here, Wands. She’s alive, but it’s bad. We’re bringing her out now.”

Wanda stops in her tracks on the stairs before trying to figure out what to do. She wants to see you, but she’ll be more helpful once they get you outside. She asks what floor they’re on and Nat says they’re on the third floor but they’re headed down the stairs now. Wanda’s about to turn around and head to her car, but something occurs to her and she stops short.

“Where’s Rumlow?”

She waits for what feels like an eternity before she hears hurried footsteps on the stairs and Nat’s voice comes in through the phone as well as above her.

“He’s dead, we’ll get Steve to take care of him.”

When Wanda sees Bucky and Nat come running down the stairs with you, she feels her breath leave her lungs once again. You’re bloody and unconscious in Bucky’s arms and Wanda’s already hanging up on Bucky to dial another number.

“I’ll call Dr. Palmer.”

Bucky looks a little uncertain and Nat’s already shaking her head as she follows Wanda down the stairs. They’re trying to figure out where to take you and since they’re over half an hour from the compound they might have to go to the hospital. Wanda doesn’t realize this until Nat says it but she curses before pushing the door to the parking lot open.

“I think we need to go to the hospital, Wanda.”

Wanda opens the back door to Bucky’s car knowing he’ll drive faster before getting in to help him lay you down. Boone jumps out of the car with a series of high-pitched whines, but Wanda ignores him. Nat’s wrapped your wound to stop the bleeding, but the bandages are already starting to turn red. Wanda takes off her jacket to cover you when she realizes how cold your skin feels. She reaches in her pocket to grab her keys to give to Nat as she asks for them before she shuts the door. The other redhead’s grabbed Boone at this point and started to drag him back to Wanda’s car. He’s near hysterical as he tries to break free to get to you, but Nat mutters a command to him that only gets him partially calm but it’s enough to get him loaded into the car for the ride to the hospital. Bucky’s already in the front seat and starting the car as he shouts over his shoulder to Nat.

“We’ll meet you there!”

She just waves at him as she gets into Wanda’s car, but Wanda doesn’t notice as she looks down at you worriedly. She takes a moment to breathe and look at your injuries carefully. She can tell you’re bleeding all over her jacket and the seat from a wound on your back that she realizes is from Rumlow removing your tracking device. She knows she’ll have to find a way to explain that to you, but for now she’s more concerned about the larger injury.

Even without being in the room, Wanda knows that Rumlow was close to you when he shot you. She’d expect nothing less from a man who in the past had always tried to do the most damage possible. The wound has bled profusely and you’ve turned sickly pale and it’s making Wanda nervous. She feels your pulse and is only worried further by how weak it is. Wanda doesn’t realize she’s crying until one of her hands finds yours and she squeezes it tightly.

“Please be okay. Please, please, Y/n I need you to be okay.”

The ride to the hospital seems too long, and she just watches you breathe for the entire time that is in reality only about ten minutes. When the car comes to a stop, Wanda jolts slightly before she gets ready to help move you. Bucky stops her short though telling her that someone will be out to grab you in a minute. She doesn’t get a chance to tell him that she’s not waiting when a door opens nearby and four people come running out of it. One’s pushing a gurney while the other two have various medical supplies in hand and the one in the front has something on a clipboard.

Wanda helps Bucky lift you out and you’re quickly deposited on the gurney and taken inside. Bucky and Wanda follow as the one nurse starts taking notes.

Wanda barely hears what she says, but later as she’s watching you get stabilized and then wheeled off to surgery, she’ll remember the words. Female, early 30s, gunshot wound to the abdomen with stab wounds to the back.

What really sticks with Wanda though when she’s standing next to Bucky in your room with the nurse, is the question she asks last.

“Any other health concerns we should know about?”

Wanda can’t think of any to save her life, and it’s after a prolonged pause that Bucky says two words that shoot through Wanda like lightning.

“She’s pregnant.”

Steve was just returning from making sure Vision’s body was taken care of when he gets a call from Nat. Apparently Rumlow had been working with someone who posed as a client from at your work to kidnap you. You disappeared and Bucky, Nat and Wanda were all going to look for you. He’d been put in charge of calling the police and filing a report against the vet assistant at your work who had helped him. You weren’t conscious to tell them the name, so he’d given the name of the clinic and then the lead doctor’s phone number for them to investigate further.

It wasn’t until he heard that you had been shot and Rumlow was dead, that Steve left the compound. It was getting late and he knew that he had to get someone to take care of Rumlow, but he left that be for a few minutes as he called Bucky.

“Steve hey.”

Steve can tell that his friend is tired and stressed just from those two words and he fears the worst as he listens to what Bucky has to say.

“How is she doing?”

Apparently, you were in surgery and it wasn’t going well at all. You had lost a lot of blood and you were at risk of kidney and brain damage if your blood transfusion didn’t work fast enough. They hadn’t heard word on anything else yet and Wanda was appropriately beside herself at the uncertainty of the entire situation. The doctors hadn’t committed to an answer on your prognosis at this point and the only thing they had told Wanda was that you’re likely to lose the baby, if you haven’t already.

Steve falls back against the driver’s seat with a curse at this news. He feels horrible about the possibility that you and Wanda, all of them really, were so excited about this only to have it ripped away so soon after. He can’t imagine how Wanda’s feeling and he tries to think of what their options are.

“Has anyone contacted Pietro?”

He and Bucky were usually on the same page and he claims to have already called him and he’s on his way.

“I’m worried about her, Steve. She’s just been sitting in silence and staring off into space. She’s not even crying.”

Steve frowns at this because he’s seen Wanda get emotional before. He’s seen the entire spectrum of positive and negative emotion from the redhead. When she was distraught, she could behave similarly to how she did when they confronted Vision. She would scream in anger and resort to violence if necessary. Steve had only seen Wanda like she is now a couple of times. The first was when the Maximoff parents had died and Wanda and Pietro became orphans. The second time was when Pietro had gotten into a horrible car accident and almost died.

This had been while you and Wanda were married and luckily, you’d been there to help her through it. Steve hopes that Pietro will be enough to get her through this. Luckily Bucky says he’s not too far away that he should get there before him. Steve decides that since you’re still in surgery, and most of the family is flocking to the hospital, he’s going to grab dinner to bring to them. Despite appreciating his presence, Wanda really needs her brother, or you. Honestly, she needs both of you right now and Steve just prays that by tomorrow she’ll still have the two of you.

Wanda’s sitting in a private waiting room staring at the wall across from her. She’s been doing this for close to two hours since you went to surgery, and the only interruptions have been from nurses that have stopped by periodically when there are updates. There has only been one real update and it was not a good one, and Wanda’s been silent ever since. She was told that you may not make it. That your body is struggling to deal with the amount of blood you’d lost. The term the doctor used was vaguely familiar to her, you’d know it for sure, but the important part of it is that you’re in trouble. They were doing everything they could, but it was up to you at this point.

The kicker was that not only was she at risk of losing you, but she’s almost certain you’re going to lose their baby. It wasn’t your fault and she wasn’t mad, at least not at you. She was angry at Rumlow and Vision, and if she could kill them again, she would, slowly. However, right now she’s just deeply depressed by the idea of losing you and your unborn child. As horrible as it feels, and Wanda’s been struggling with this for a while, she’d gladly pick you over your baby. She wants kids so badly, but not at such a high price. She wants you more than anything, including kids, and she’ll go the rest of her life just being a cat mom if you make it through this.

Pietro arrives to find an odd sight that starts with his sister. She’s staring at the ceiling now contemplating her life without you and kids, and she’s oblivious to her concerned friends that surround her. They’re equally worried about you and Wanda at this point, as they sit in uncomfortable chairs waiting impatiently for good news that may not come. Bucky’s going between staring at the floor or checking on Wanda. Nat’s looking less worried, but she’s clearly concerned as she watches both Bucky and Wanda and the door restlessly. She’s petting Boone who is just lying down on the floor whining occasionally. He doesn’t know what’s happened, but he knows that everyone seems tense, and you’re not here, so he’s upset.

Nat spots Pietro first and she sighs in relief before glancing to his sister who’s still spacing out. Bucky jumps to his feet and hugs the blonde before filling him in.

“How’s she doing?”

“They’re both hanging in there, but we could use your help.”

Pietro nods as he moves over to his sister after shooting Nat a smile. He sits down beside her, but its not until he reaches out for her that she realizes he’s there. She jumps slightly before looking to her brother with a frown.

“Sestra.”

He says a few things in their native language, and Wanda responds in a way that tells her friends what she’s saying even if they don’t understand it. She’s still frowning until Pietro says something with a smirk and a suggestive tone. She smacks his arm before rolling her eyes and leaning into the older Maximoff’s shoulder with a sigh.

“I’m tired, Piet. Tired and worried. I feel like I failed.”

Pietro knows this without her even saying it because he knows his sister well. She’s blaming herself because she let you go back to work, and someone somehow slipped by Bucky and took you. There’s a lot to be upset about, but it’s no one’s fault but Rumlow’s and Vision’s. He’s glad that they’re both dead, but he would have liked to participate in that. Still, he focuses his attention on his exhausted sister who’s only minutes away from falling asleep on him.

“You know what Y/n would say about this, don’t you?”

There’s no response despite having heard what Pietro says. Wanda just doesn’t have the energy to argue with him right now. She’s convinced that she should have done more and by not doing so, by letting you go back to work, she let this happen. As if Pietro can hear her thoughts, he shakes his shoulder to get her attention. Wanda scowls in annoyance and sits up to glare at her brother, but he beats her to it with a pointed look.

“Wh-?”

“She’d look at you like this, and tell you to shut up and you know it.”

Wanda sighs as she starts to cry at the thought of you saying this exact thing to her. You do it occasionally, when Wanda’s really stressed for no reason and you’re trying to convince her to calm down. It’s reserved for special cases, and this would certainly be one of them. Despite how it initially annoyed her that you did this, she would love to hear this from you right now. Even if she doesn’t believe it.

Wanda nods as she wipes her eyes and rests her head back on her brother’s shoulder. She sighs heavily as she looks to her brother and then her friends who are watching the exchange between siblings.

“I know. You’re not wrong.”

Pietro laughs at this before he just shakes his head and leans against Wanda with a smile.

“That’s the closest you’ll get to saying I’m right, isn’t it?”

Wanda rolls her eyes but doesn’t deny it as she closes her eyes and takes another deep breath. She smiles slightly before looking around the room at her friends. She sighs again before offering them a grateful look. She feels bad that she’s ignored them for so long while she’s been stuck in her head. She’s sure they are worried about you as well.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t thank you guys for finding her. I really appreciate it.”

They both just nodded and were about to speak up when there’s a knock on the door. Wanda immediately sits up and Bucky straightens up as well when the door opens to reveal someone in a white coat.

“Mrs. Maximoff, your wife’s out of surgery.”

Wanda stands up to meet the doctor in the middle of the room with a concerned look. She needs to know how you are doing. She assumes that he would have led with the bad news if you hadn’t made it. That said, she’s been hard-pressed in the past to find medical doctors that she’s liked. Maybe she was just picky, and she held everyone to higher standards than was typical. For this reason, she wishes she could have gotten you to the compound and Dr. Palmer.

“How is she?”

The brunette in front of her frowns slightly and Wanda feels her heart rate pick up. Pietro gets up and comes to stand next to her, but she barely notices as she’s waiting anxiously for the doctor to speak up.

“She’s still not in the clear yet, but let’s give her time before we talk any further about prognosis.”

Pietro cringes and Nat shoots the doctor a glare as Wanda stares at him in shock. Bucky crosses his arms and shoots the brunette a disapproving look, but he says nothing as Pietro speaks up. Wanda’s still trying to figure out how someone told her that you’re still not guaranteed to make it, but that he doesn’t care to discuss it at the moment.

“She’s not in the clear. Can you elaborate on that?”

Wanda’s already trying to figure out how to get you out of here and to the compound by the time the doctor dares to sigh. He might be tired, he might be annoyed, but it’s not appreciated by anyone in the room. Wanda tilts her head to listen to the doctor’s explanation and her faith in him continues to drop with each passing second.

“At the end of surgery, she wasn’t doing well, so she was put into a medical coma to give her time to recover.”

Pietro stares at him incredulously while Wanda contemplates how to kill this brunette in the most painful way possible. She wonders where this guy came from and why they weren’t seeing their regular doctor. She’ll have to ask about this soon. Nat stands up and Wanda realizes that she needs to speak up or else someone’s going to get punched.

“Is she stable right now?”

This question seemed to be more complicated than Wanda intended and the brunette just frowns as he thinks about it for a moment. Wanda’s lost patience at this point however and she’s speaking again before he can respond.

“Assuming that she’s able to stay on the same medications/treatments, would she be at risk if she went for a 30-minute drive?”

The uncertainty on his face was enough to cement Wanda’s decision and Bucky seems to know where she’s going with this as well, and he grabs his phone in preparation. Pietro is also understanding what Wanda’s getting at and he prepares to follow his sister as she storms out of the room.

“I suppose. I wouldn’t advise it, but I doubt she’d decompensate.”

That’s all Wanda needs to hear and she nods before shooting the doctor a displeased smile.

“Thank you doctor, we’ll take it from here.”

Pietro and Wanda head for the door, the former on the phone to call Dr. Palmer, while Nat and Bucky stay back to organize a pick-up team. Wanda’s going to get you out of here and under the care of someone that she trusts as soon as possible. She ignores the doctor’s protests and follows the hall to the first person she finds.

She asks where you are and she’s shown to your room immediately. She stops in the doorway when she spots you and it takes her a moment to move again. You’re hooked up to a lot of different machines and you’re still too pale for comfort as she walks further into the room to see you. Your breathing is slow and deep like you’re asleep, and she takes a deep breath before reaching out for you with a small smile.

“Hi detka, we’re going to get you out of here, okay? I’ll get you taken care of.”

Wanda squeezes your hand and just kneels at your bedside not bothering to get a chair. She sighs as she listens to your monitors and closes her eyes to try and take a breather. She vaguely hears her brother get off the phone and walk towards her, but she doesn’t pay him any mind until he starts talking. She looks up when she feels a hand on her shoulder, and she sees Pietro smiling at her.

“Christine will be waiting for us when we get there. She’ll be safe and away from that ass.”

Wanda can’t help but smile at this and she nods before standing up to hug her brother. She always gives him shit for being obnoxious and egotistical, but she knew it was really a front and that the blonde wasn’t like that. He was protective, caring and dedicated to his family above all. She loved him an embarrassing amount and she was glad that he was here with her.

“Thank you, Piet.”

By the time they all get to the compound, Dr. Palmer is already there waiting with Dr. Hale, and a few others who have been briefed on what happened to you. The team had already been in touch with the doctor you’d been treated by and they had everything they needed to know. Wanda walks in and watches you get hooked up to everything, but she’s distracted by a hand on her shoulder.

“Wanda, I’m so sorry. “

Wanda turns into the touch and sees Christine shooting her a sympathetic look. She’s pulled into a hug by the other redhead and she sighs as she allows herself to relax. You’re going to be well taken care of now, and she trusts her expertise more than anyone else’s in the field.

“Thank you, Christine, and thank you for helping.”

She nearly rolls her eyes at the younger redhead but she ends up just scoffing before waving her off. She can tell how rattled Wanda is and instead of addressing this and making her more nervous, she focuses on you and your care. She’d called your doctor and asked for all of the information he had, and after going through his surgery step by step, she determined that you were treated appropriately.

“Of course. I want you to know, that despite being an ass, Dr. Frick did all the right things.”

Wanda begrudgingly accepted this with a frown and she turned back to see that you were all set up. You were still undisturbed by the hustle and bustle around you, and Wanda was at least grateful that you didn’t seem to be in pain.

“That’s good to hear at least.”

Christine nods before looking over to you and then turning back to Wanda with an apologetic look.

“He’s smart, but unfortunately his bedside manner leaves a lot of be desired.”

Wanda actually laughs at this because it’s certainly true, and she thinks about how you’d feel about all of this. You didn’t like a good number of medical doctors that have treated you and you certainly wouldn’t have liked this one. This thought makes Wanda think of the last time you both were at the doctor and how disappointed you’d been to find out you weren’t pregnant. Felling this familiar disappointment again causes Wanda’s frown to deepen.

Realizing she’s distracted, Christine turns to Pietro before doing her best to make the redhead relax.

“We’re going to take good care of, Y/n, okay? I’ll let you know as soon as we know more.”

Despite insisting that she wasn’t going to leave your side, and that she was going to spend the night next to you in the hospital, Wanda finds herself back in her rooms. She’s since reunited with Boone who was confused and upset about his mother’s absence. He didn’t understand what was going on, and Wanda wasn’t in the mood to coddle him. She lies down on the bed before thinking about how fucked up things had gotten in the past week.

Vision was dead.

Rumlow was dead.

You were fighting for your life in a hospital bed.

All of this because Vision was a jealous, vindictive person who couldn’t let go of the idea of winning her over.

She becomes furious at the thought of everything he’d put you through this week and over the years. She thinks back to what you said about Vision harassing you without her knowing, and she wants to kick herself for not mentioning it to him. She’d been so distracted by everything else going on that she’d forgotten to address it, and now it was too late. Sure she supposed he was dead, and he wouldn’t be able to lie to you anymore. However, as far as Wanda was concerned, he hadn’t been punished nearly enough for what he did to you, but she was just going to have to live with that. She sighs heavily before she looks around the room and sees Boone staring at her from where he’s lying down on the ground. She shoots him an equally sad look before she pats the bed next to her.

“Come here, boy.”

She waits as he rounds the bed before jumping into your spot quickly. Wanda usually doesn’t let him in bed, but tonight she’ll make an exception. She doesn’t want to sleep alone right now, and Boone is the closest she’ll get to being with you at the moment. She waves him closer and he ventures across the bed to lie down next to her. He places his head on her shoulder and licks her face which makes her smile despite how gross it is.

“Thanks, Boone.”

She’s thinking about when Boone will be able to see you again when she falls asleep a few minutes later. Wanda wakes up the next morning despite being exhausted because her phone is ringing. She didn’t hear it at first. It was Boone who sat up and started to nudge her before she realized someone wanted her attention. She reached out blindly for her phone and checked the caller ID. It’s her brother and she almost considers not answering it, but then the sound of knocking motivates her enough to press the call button.

“Piet?”

“Hey, let me in. I brought you something!”

Wanda sighs in defeat and watches as Boone runs to the front door to greet the other Maximoff. She doesn’t bother with a change of clothes and heads to the door in whatever she put on yesterday with a sigh. Boone’s pawing at the door and she just nudges him out of the way so she can let her brother in.

She’s not expecting to see him there with a cake and a bottle of booze, and she just stares at him as he walks through the doorway.

“Piet, what are you doing here?”

He just smiles at her as he turns around and gestures to the items in his hand. Wanda can’t read what the cake says, but it has blue icing that spells something. She decides to worry about that later and watches as Boone greets her brother while sniffing the cake in his hand.

“I brought you breakfast.”

Wanda follows her brother to the kitchen where he sets down the cake before handing her the alcohol. It’s her favorite drink that she doesn’t have much because not only is it crazy expensive, close to $10k for a bottle, but it makes her very drunk, very quickly. The few times she had it with you had been predictably wild. She eyes the bottle with longing because she’d love to have some now, but it is only 8 in the morning, and you’re still sleeping in a hospital bed.

“Thanks, Piet, but isn’t it a little early? I should probably check on Y/n first.”

He knew that Wanda was going to say that, but he’d already checked on you and you were the same. He mentions this before deciding that he needs to tell her the truth. He suspects that Wanda already knows, but telling her now that it’s certain is something that she needs to hear so she can start to process it.

“I just came by from checking up on her. Christine told me a couple of things to pass to you.”

Wanda frowns as she looks away from the bottle that she’d taken from her brother. She sets it down on the counter and waits for Pietro to get to the point.

“What did she say?”

Pietro pulls out two of the stools at the counter and sits down before gesturing for his sister to sit. She does and she tries not to get too nervous when Pietro sighs again.

“She told me that Y/n probably needs to be asleep for a week before waking her up. She wants to make sure that she’s healthy enough.”

Wanda sighs in defeat at the thought of this. She hates that you’re so hurt and that you are in a coma. Mostly she hates that she couldn’t stop it from happening. She just wants to have you with her again, to hold you close, but she knows you need to get better. She needs to give you this time to get better despite how much she wants you awake right now. She nods in agreement because she’s not going to do anything to compromise your recovery. She’ll make do.

“Okay, what else?”

Pietro hesitates and that’s all Wanda needs to realize this isn’t good news. Not that the last bit was exactly good, but she could at least live with that. She waits as her brother finds the words to confirm her second worst fear.

“She also confirmed that Y/n is no longer pregnant.”

Wanda doesn’t respond immediately and Pietro watches as her face falls and he sees a blip of sadness before the mask is up. Wanda just shakes her head before she looks away and tries to find a distraction. It works about as well as she thought it would, and by the time she spots Boone nearby she already has tears in her eyes. She hates this. She hates it so much, and she wants to scream and hit someone, but there’s no one here but her brother.

She also knows that it won’t make anything better in the end. She might feel good for a few seconds, but the end result will be the same. She’ll feel defeated, cheated and angry for the two of you. She wipes her eyes, watching as Boone comes up to put his head on her leg with a whine. She pets him, not noticing as Pietro stands up and grabs a glass for his sister.

“I’m sorry, sestra. I know you and Y/n were excited.”

Wanda can only nod with a sad look as she takes the offered glass with a very large shot poured into it. She doesn’t drink it immediately. She looks to Boone who’s practically in her lap now before she takes a sip, not the whole thing because she doesn’t want to get drunk quite yet.

“I had a feeling. I hate to say this and make it all about me, but I--.”

Wanda trails off as she shakes her head with a heavy sigh. She doesn’t want to say this out loud. Even though she’d decided in the hospital yesterday, she still felt bad about admitting that she was more worried about you than your baby. She could live without a kid, but she wasn’t sure if she could live without you.

Pietro frowns as he reaches out for his sister’s glass to take it from her. She doesn’t seem to notice, but her hand’s shaking so badly, Pietro’s worried she’ll drop it. He sets it down before looking back to her sister who’s lost in thought.

“What is it?”

Wanda considers shaking her head and taking it back. She doesn’t want everyone to know this, and her brother is a bit of a loud mouth. That said, with something this important, he might actually be able to keep a secret.

“It’s horrible, and I hate that she lost the baby, but I care about her first and foremost. I need her to be okay. I don’t need a baby.”

Pietro nods at this and is about to tell his sister that he understands when she speaks up again. She’s starting to really worry about how you’ll react when you wake up. Will you remember everything? Will you get angry at her? She has no way of knowing and that’s stressing her out, and she hates that it’s overshadowing her fear of you not waking up at all.

Wanda doesn’t realize she’s crying again until Boone jumps up on her as she’s wiping her eyes. She pushes him back down before she turns to face Pietro. He’s already standing up and Wanda meets him for a hug as she starts to cry harder.

“I just –I don’t want her to be mad at me.”

Pietro sighs as he holds his sister tightly. He’d considered this briefly as well when he’d thought about what had happened to you. He’d known about the tracker because he’d actually suggested it when you’d first gotten hurt by Wanda’s enemies. You’d been unconscious and he’d joked about putting one in you to be able to find you if this happened again. He hadn’t realized his sister took him seriously until he asked about it a little later.

“I know you don’t, but honestly Wanda she’s not going to be happy. She might be annoyed for a while, but you know how much she loves you. She’ll get over it. You honestly just wanted to help her, and you did. You found her a lot faster than last time.”

Wanda thinks about this and despite her brother’s sound logic, she knows that she won’t be able to stop worrying about it until she talks to you. She just hopes that you feel the way that Pietro says you will.

It’s a very weird feeling being conscious of your unconsciousness. Your entire body aches and you’re glad you’re lying down because you doubt you could even hold yourself up. You’re sore and you can’t remember what happened to you immediately. You’re going in and out of consciousness when you hear people around you start talking. Their voices are muffled and you definitely don’t recognize them as you try to fight your fatigue. Sometimes you want to wake up, and other times you wish you were in a deeper sleep. You feel pangs of pain every now and then in your abdomen, and that’s how you remember what happened to you.

You remember getting shot and then it’s all a blur after that. You don’t remember anyone coming to rescue you, and you don’t remember how you ended up here. Still, you hope that Vision and Rumlow are dead, and that Wanda’s okay. You hope that she’s not too worried or too mad at you.

You miss her. A lot. You wish you could be with her and Boone and the rest of your family instead of stuck in this bed. You wonder why she hasn’t visited you yet. How long have you been here?

You don’t realize that when you dream of Wanda visiting you a little later, it’s not a dream at all.

Wanda and Boone head down to medical to visit you later that afternoon. She’d gotten drunk with her brother before sleeping it off and deciding that she’d avoided you for long enough. It wasn’t right to ignore you when you were bedridden because of her own fears. She just had to believe that if you did get mad at her, you would forgive her.

Boone’s sniffing frantically as he follows Wanda down the hall to your room. She can tell he’s looking for you, and it makes her heart break a little at the idea of him not understanding what’s going on, or why you’re down here yet again. She ignores the looks she and Boone get as she comes up on your room. She grabs Boone’s harness before telling him to sit, and despite realizing he’s found you he does as he’s told before looking to the rest of the people in the room.

She steps into the room to greet the nurses and the one doctor she recognizes. She’s still a little drunk she thinks because it takes her a solid three seconds to come up with her name, but she uses her time to think watching you sleep.

“Dr. Hale, how are you?”

Wanda looks away from you because she knows you’re about the same as last time. If not, she’s sure your doctor will tell her otherwise. She watches as the blonde smiles slightly before claiming that she’s been busy but she doesn’t mind it. She then looks to you before telling Wanda how you’ve done overnight.

“She’s been stable overnight. Nothing really new to report luckily.”

Wanda supposes this is good news and she’s about to nod in agreement when she hears Boone whine from the doorway. Dr. Hale turns first and Wanda sighs before she shoots the doctor an apologetic look.

“Sorry, he’s just been restless without Y/n. I just wanted him to see where she was.”

She nods in understanding because she knows how upset her cat gets when she leaves for too long, and she imagines it must be worse for a dog. She turns to Boone before waving to him and patting her leg in a ‘come here’ motion.

“I understand. Hi Boone. Do you want to come in?”

Boone practically runs into the room and Wanda smiles as he nudges Taylor’s offered hand with his nose before running over to you. He’s tall enough to see you but he tries to jump up on your bed. However, Wanda sees it coming, and she stops him with a frown.

“No buddy. No jumping.”

Boone whines but he doesn’t try to jump again as he licks your hand before nudging it with another whine. He moves your hand so it’s on his nose before he just sits next to you and leans into the bed. He looks very uncomfortable, but Wanda just lets him be for a moment before she takes a closer look at you. As she moves towards your bed, Dr. Hale shoots a pointed look to the nurses and they just nod before heading for the door. The blonde follows behind them with one last look as she leaves the trio alone.

“I’ll give you privacy. Let me know if you need anything.”

Wanda thanks her before she looks around the room for a chair. She sighs as she spots one on the other side of the room. She grabs it and sits next to Boone by your side with a groan. She really shouldn’t have drunk all of that this morning, but she’s honestly just wanting to sleep. She holds your hand before kissing it with a smile.

“Hi Y/n. I should apologize to you. For a lot of things.”

She stops as she looks to Boone who’s putting his paw up on the bed next to you, but not attempting to jump up. He’s watching Wanda though because he knows he’ll get in trouble if he does it, but he can’t help but want to.

“I shouldn’t have put all the pressure on you when we decided we wanted to have kids. I know you volunteered, but it put a lot of unnecessary stress on you and I’m sorry I didn’t realize it. I want you to know that I’d rather have you over kids any day. So, I need you to wake up soon, detka.”

Wanda wipes away her tears before she takes a deep breath and squeezes your hand. She touches your cheek glad to at least feel that you’re warmer than the last time she saw you.

“I know I should have told you about the tracker. It wasn’t right to do it without your consent. I apologize, and I’ll do whatever I have to, to make it up to you.”

She sits next to you in silence for a while before she decides that she needs to leave you soon. If she’s doesn’t, she’ll stay here for the rest of the day just watching you sleep and quickly getting more anxious. She knows this is just day one for you, and that you have a lot of time to go before you’ll feel better, let alone wake up. She needs to give you time to recover, and she knows hanging out here all day will be bad for everyone. She’ll be in the way, and she’ll become more depressed with each passing hour. So after about an hour of sitting with you and talking to you about what’s transpired since you were awake, she decided to leave. She thought about it a lot last night, and after drinking with her brother this morning she’s decided to pay Strucker a visit. She wants to see if he knows about or played a part in Rumlow’s involvement in Vision’s plot. She kisses your forehead before standing and returning her chair to its original place. She turns to Boone who’s still resting next to you before waving him along.

“Come on Boone. We can visit again later. We’re going for a drive.”

It takes a little more than that and a tug or two to get Boone to follow her. He whines a lot, but he eventually leaves you and follows Wanda to the elevator. She can already tell he’s moping but she’s hoping a ride in the car will make him feel better. She checks in with Bucky and then Steve to tell them of her plan, and she’s not surprised that they’re both a little caught off guard by her sudden interest in Strucker.

Nevertheless, Bucky agrees to hang out here and keep an eye on you while Steve gets ready to accompany Wanda. She’s not going to bother calling. She’s hoping that he’ll be exactly where he usually is, and after getting changed and loading Boone into the car, she sets off to find Strucker.

Taglist: @whitewidowsbite, @exclusivitymajor, @natswifeysblog15, @the-mute1

Part 11

#wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff #wanda maximoff x female reader #wanda maximoff fanfiction #wanda x reader #wanda x you #natasha romanoff & reader #natasha romanoff #yelena belova & reader #yelena belova #pietro maximoff #sliver springs #mob au #marvel fic

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originemesis · 10 months ago

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@micsmasmuses cont. from xxx

“I’m the mood murderer sure” he gives him a critical look as he speaks before shaking his head. He pinches the bridge of his nose as Adam makes it about his dick again, does he tell him where they’re going? Maybe he should just leave it as a surprise now. “You’re disgusting” he sighs softly as he looks back up at him. But he still feels bad for the guy. Nothing has gone his way since Eden, most being his fault but this wasn’t him. This was just well… people leaving the first man behind again. “Yes I know what she is and what you two do. You talk about fucking all the time am I not supposed to think it’s her?” He gestures vaguely at him with a raise of his brow. But his look changes as he sees that look on Adam’s face. Now he feels even worse. Glancing to the stupid mask his nose twitches in disgust before looking back up at him. Another hand soon coming up to caress the other side of his cheek once his hand moved away. Hes not leaving… not now.

“It’s called having feelings… but nothing is wrong with you, people just don’t have good taste” he says as his hands soon land on his shoulders. Debating something before finally pulling the taller male into a tight embrace. He could easily get out of it if he wished but he keeps him close for just a bit. Something he did with Charlie when she was feeling down, something he still did. Another way for her to cry without being seen. Something to admit to each other. “Wanna know something stupid?” He asks him softly.

"So what? You're always bringing my exes up like it's the only level 1 crossword puzzle you know how to fill out." He'd snapped back, though the sound of his teeth hitting sounded a bit off without that equalizer inside the helmet helping him not only mask his looks, but also the very sounds he was capable of making. Hell, it even acted as a buffer against the very real differences between the soundwaves of omnipotent beings so that the constant exposure up there didn't leave him anymore addled than he already acted. "Sides...if she's not- that, 'just means I don't have to care so much about what she gets her cunt caught on tonight-"

But he still would of course. She was part of his flock, and they'd flocked together so much at this point that the others would likely appear out of portals of their own in the golden spirit just to come pigeon mob the mimic of a man before him if he so much as raised the right pitch. And he was very close to it out of instinct- but the involuntary quaver of sound that caused the cave-in of his vocal chords for the brief hiccup of a moment put a stop to it, his will to raise an alarm sent spiraling where it would sit stuck at his wet and sticky and possibly rotten core.

"Sounds made-up." The interject of an explanation was met with a side-spat scoff, but pressure on his shoulders snapped his gold-gilded and less guarded attention back- just not in enough time to make his company really second guess cracking the First Man's back some in the process of yanking him into a huddled over position, a mix between a protesting squawk of a sound and a stealthily held snivel spilling out of him in the process. Whatever glass had gathered in his eyes earlier shattered only after he'd been hurriedly hunkered down and scooted in no different than some emperor penguin would an exposed chick. Gross...he thought- about the concept of feelings the other was trying to spin him like he had on so many other things back in the day- back in the garden. That and, well...the very clear bit of glowing spit and snot mixed partially into the fabric of Lucifer's shirt after he'd taken a brief moment to rub his face inwards against it. While it wasn't great at fully clearing up all the telltale stains on his face, nor the fired up glow of freckles, it had served as a place to deposit a shuddery sniffle. Went and smothered it, really until he sort of felt like for a second the mask still swinging at his side was latched back into place.

His wings tucked under his arms, now trapped in the embrace give an uncertain flutter, but otherwise remain bolted as he deposited more attempts at even-ing his breath into the muddled must of the other's coat opening.

"...if you're gonna just say me, then no."

He grumbled, but didn't pause particularly long before he'd relent a sigh and a softer.

"-what is it?"

#//ofc he had to snot on your jacket some #//what og dick would he be if not #micmasmuses #long post #suggestive cw

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sleepymccoy · 1 month ago

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So I tried to answer this yesterday but I got extremely rambly so I'm having another go!

Can you get a diagnosis of just 'dementia'

Yep! It's annoying but necessary, I will expand below!

How do you diagnose any of the dementias?

Well, if you want to know 100% you gotta get an autopsy. That's still gold standard and fairly common for dementia research purposes. If you or a loved one has dementia of any kind I beg you to okay a diagnostic autopsy if it's accessible for you, we find out so much and improving our pathological understanding of the disease relies on it

In terms of a diagnosis while living, the most accurate is multiple MRIs to assess changing brain atrophy. You can see which areas of the brain are being impacted in an MRI and diagnose off that

You can see the difference. Source

There's also some blood tests we can do, but those are a little iffy. They don't diagnose, but they can be used to strengthen a diagnosis. I think they're measuring a marker that indicates amyloid plaque load, and increasing amyloid plaques are a symptom of Alzheimer's and a few other dementia types

Then there's the good old cognitive assessment, which is still the primary go to for accessibility reasons

If the diseases are so different, what's the point of a vague diagnosis?

Two points here;

We don't know very fucking much! For the last 20 odd years we thought amyloid plaques were the cause of Alzheimer's. Turns out that's looking less likely, based on how all the medicine we've come out with reduces amyloid plaque load but it only works for a short time, then the disease comes back full swing. So now we think amyloid is a symptom. My point there is, the research is new and we can't define things with certainty. So how can we ask medical professionals to diagnose with certainty? They'd just be bluffing, or misinformed. So we get vague diagnoses for a vaguely understood illness

Accessibility! If the path to receiving a lovely 100% physiologically accurate diagnoses of frontotemporal dementia (for example) you need to have three MRIs at varying times and have a neurogeriatritian study it for you, that's a barrier to equitable public health. When designing these protocols, you gotta think about the Aboriginal guy living in butt fuck Western Australia who's daughter resents hospitals since her aunty died of cancer, but the red cross GP visits four times a year and they're okay with her. That red cross GP needs the support and capacity to diagnose this man and offer some help to mob. That's not gonna be with an MRI, so we make it equitable and let people just say dementia, and that gets them some access to assistive services

So you still use one person's assessment of cognitive capacity?

This is part of why everyone recommends you find a GP you like and stick with them. I highly suggest, when you're in your 60s or so, find a young GP you like and commit to them for the rest of your life. Be their patient for their career. Cos a lot of medicine is based on your GPs personal understanding of you

The cognitive assessments aren't as wibbly as I think people assume, though. I'll show you the clock face one. This is an instruction to draw an analogue clock showing a specific time. You're assessed for planning and spatial awareness, so they watch the order that you draw the clock in too to be sure it makes some kind of sense

As you can see, Alzheimer's doesn't impact planning and spatial awareness. That's cos, like I said above, it starts in the memory bit of your brain. People with early symptoms of Alzheimer's and mostly fine in the moment, it's the longer term living they struggle with

Frontotemporal dementia however is the concentration and judgement bit if your brain. And it fucks you right up. You can picture a clock, might be able to read one, but the time it takes to draw a clock is too long and you can't plan that far. So each time you draw, it's like you're starting again but you kinda know you're part way through so you end up with this confused mess of clock-relevant pieces. I particularly admire in this picture that they've written 10:11, which based on the other clocks must be the time they were instructed to draw, but they've done it digitally. Cos they understand and comprehend and expect that they can fulfil the request, but the whole drawing is a bit too much.

This wouldn't be the only thing going into a diagnosis of frontotemporal, but you can see there's something wrong with the person drawing the clock. It's worth a GP investigating futher

Anyway, the cognitive tests are still used a whole lot. Family history and observations are big too, if your kid reports you're not bathing that's a big red flag. It's a team effort, getting a diagnosis

Let's end of a star trek gif to try and keep it cheerie

Per one single request (and that is all I need to carry on) here is an expansion of my tags on this post

What even is dementia?

Basically, it's an umbrella term. It describes a set of common symptoms, primarily worsening cognitive loss.

It's kind of like saying you have a cold. A cold is not a diagnosis, it's a grouping of different illnesses, like rhino virus (the most common), influenza, covid, the list goes on.

So, you can have dementia and Alzheimer's, but you wouldn't describe yourself as having both. You'd say "I have a type of dementia, Alzheimer's disease." In the same way you'd say, "I have a cold, I think it's just a rhino virus but it's a whopping my ass."

So why'd you pick Alzheimer's for that example?

Well, Alzheimer's disease is the most common type of dementia. It's where all the stereotypes you'd know about it come from. This is gonna be a text heavy post, so have a graph

University of Queensland

Before I talk about them in more detail though, what's a brain?

Your brain is made up of segments that control different specific bits of your body.

I always knew that if you hit the back of your head you might go blind, cos the eye and sight stuff happens at the back of the head. This is true.

I love a copyright warning on a photo. This post constitutes personal use

Alright! An important thing about dementia is that it moves through the brain steadily, going piece by piece. It doesn't do it all at once. So you have a starting spot, and a progressive loss of cognition as it kills your neurons. We figure out the dementia type by the symptoms, cos the brain is so defined

So if you hit the back of your head, the green occipital lobe in that picture, you mess with your sight. If you lose cognition in the back of your head your eyes are seeing fine, but your cognition loss makes you process that sight incorrectly. What you see can be completely different to what other people see. This is posterior cortical atrophy, and I bring it up because we know someone who died from it, this is Terry Pratchett's dementia subtype

It's not on the above graph cos it's quite a rare type

Where's Alzheimer's start?

In the kinda middle bit, the temporal lobe. Memory, ya know. And once it takes your memory it'll move on, but it's not always the same, so people living with Alzheimer's disease will developed varying symptoms as the disease progresses, which takes many years. Sometimes people get a diagnosis of mixed dementia cos it's doing a few lobes at once. Or they have another quite different type of dementia at the some time

I'm not gonna talk about Alzheimer's much cos if you know anything about how dementia goes, you probably know it from Alzheimer's disease.

Let's go through a few others

Vascular dementia is the next biggie!

It's a curious one, this is stroke related. So, when you get a stroke you often lose cognition in the affected area of the brain. That's not dementia, that's a stroke!

But if you get lots and lots of strokes, constantly, that's a type of dementia. Cos you're getting steadily cognitively worse

(this is a good time to remind people that dementia is not a diagnosis or even a type of illness like cancer, it is a descriptive umbrella of common symptoms. The underlying causes can be wildly different)

Vascular dementia doesn't follow our moves steadily though the brain model, cos the strokes can and do happen anywhere. It's rough

What am I talking about, they're all rough. It'll get rougher

Lewy bodies dementia

Often cross diagnosed with Parkinson's disease dementia, it just depends if you get the physical or cognitive symptoms first.

Lewy bodies doesn't tend to have any memory loss. I know, no one thinks that's possible! But this is a dementia without memory loss! Cognitive loss is not the same thing as memory loss, theres other cognitive thing you can lose. That's why they're different words I guess

Of course, in all dementias eventually everything goes. Cos it's progressive, it keeps progressing

Lewy bodies is more likely to cause physical impacts like shaking and shuffling gait. You'll also hallucinate, have delusion, sleep badly, and experience mood swings.

From a care perspective, the people living with Lewy bodies disease are vastly more likely to be violent than any other person living with dementia

Robin Williams had this one, but he never knew. They confirmed via autopsy. So I'm gonna add a fun gif of him cos he was lovely

There's a lot of other disease/illness induced dementias

Huntington's turns into dementia eventually. HIV too. If you have down syndrome you have an extra gene that will always turn into dementia if you live long enough (that's one of our few 100% rates). Alcohol related dementia. So on and so forth. There's a shit tonne of types

Anyway, thats enough about disease progression. I'll talk out a few more common misunderstandings and then post

Is dementia fatal?

Sure is. Most people will die of something else while they have dementia, cos age often comes with comorbidities, but if the only thing you have is Alzheimer's disease it will still kill you. It's taking out your brain cells, eventually you'll forget how to swallow and choke.

Honestly tho it's more likely you'll die 'by accident' due to doing something you didn't realise was dangerous, like going for a walk wearing nothing at night and developing hypothermia. That is a dementia-caused death, I think we can all see that, but it'll be written down as hypothermia. So reported deaths are lower than what's true

Alzheimer's takes 10 - 30 years for the neuron loss to be extreme enough to kill you outright. Lewy bodies is more like 5 - 7 years. There's a range and the ranges are poorly defined, quiz your GP if this ever comes up in your life

It's an old person disease, right?

Overwhelmingly yes. It's considered younger onset if you're less than 65. But from the graph above you can see that's a big enough proportion to get its own slot

But kids don't get it

Sure they do, childhood dementia is a whole thing. It's awful. People are born with it. Again, dementia isn't an illness type, it's a symptom grouping. Kids can be born with progressive, worsening cognitive loss. So while it's not Alzheimer's disease, it is dementia. It's like 1 in 3000 kids have some kind of childhood dementia, and most die before they reach adulthood.

It's untreatable

It is incurable (but they keep researching!) but we have treatments for the early stages. If you or a loved one is experiencing confusion and memory loss, get moving early and you might be able to delay the worsening of symptoms for a few years. It's not a cure, but it's better than nothing. And it's all we've got

How do you, op, know?

I have a master's degree in dementia, and I work in the field. Not naming my job cos I'm not speaking for them rn, I'm just presenting what I know personally

Gonna end the post there. Send me asks or questions or whatever, I'll try and answer. If I get enough asking the same thing I'll do another post expanding on that ❤️❤️❤️

#dementia #this is much better an answer than draft one lol

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thetravellingvagrant · 1 year ago

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Day 8: In Which I Everyone Can Just Fuck Off

Lemme tell ya, I needed an easy day today. Not quite a rest day as, to be honest, I really hadn't seen a lot of Seville thus far and I really wanted to, but a nice relaxed day doing a small, light walk around the city sounded like just the ticket.

I got up (at a vaguely respectable time and everything), hurled myself down my bunk bed ladder, which it is possible to descend gracefully, quietly and painlessly, but you're only allowed to pick two and set about constructing a walking/cultural tour of the city, a la Larry.

As it turned out, I actually *had* seen quite a lot of the city on the previous days excursion. A huge amount of the “what's worth seeing in Seville” entries on various websites were ones I had either passed yesterday or was incredibly close to passing, almost without exception. The interesting, touristy places seemed - quite easily - all crammed into one little segment of the city. That'll make a nice easy walk, surely? *Surely?!*

I pieces a route together - an hour and a half long, by Google's estimations, which I had, over the past two days, begun viewing with a not insignificant degree of suspicion. That would be fine. Wouldn't it? *Wouldn't it?!*

I set out into the city, again opting to use the subway rather than face walking for hours in the rain and mud and the wrath of “that” donkey…, hoping that it would be substantially less busy than it had on constitution day, yesterday. It wasn't. It was more busy if anything. Great.

This proved to be a theme of the day - Seville is just…busy, I think. I'm here in December and it's still mobbed; I shudder to think how crammed full of dullards it would be in the summer months.

The day was hot and I was sweaty and tired. I possibly had a stomach bug, a sinus infection and definitely had hurty bones. The last thing I wanted was to drown in a sea of tourists, but here I was: drowning.

I understand that when you go to tourist attractions, there will be tourists - I'm not an idiot - but god damn, I really didn't expect this many people, especially in winter.

Go home, idiots.

I walked, first, through an okay, if incredibly busy park

This is like the one moment I got to myself the entire day

Then on to the city’s cathedral, which really defined the term “incredibly busy” for me

Hey, neat! I hope you all choke.

Before toying with a visit to the Indian archives which was supposed to be quite neat, though had a security guard frisking people at the door, which I would hate on days that weren't shaping up to be a sweaty, sensory nightmare already, so I left it.

I then stopped to take a very quick picture of the tower of gold

Cool, whatever.

But at this point, I had become tired, hungry and furious; sick to the back teeth of children absent mindedly wandering into my path and herds of fat American tourists, walking five abreast down narrow streets arbitrarily stopping to point their pudgey little sausage fingers at something, or nothing, going “hey, neat”, so I stopped for lunch. Waiting for a space to open up on a riverside wall, for me to sit on, grumbling as I munched through, what it had to be said, were pretty good sandwiches. This too, brought me very little peace as I was immediately beset upon by a gang of very insistent pigeons. I can't even get any space away from the fucking wildlife in this place. Ahh!

Just fuck off!

I tried my best to reset myself with a nice lunch, but sadly, I simply hadn't be able to. I wasn't having fun and so decided to bin the penultimate location of the day, the mushroom of Seville, which was a weird mushroom looking building that you could climb up for excellent arial views of the city, but was twenty minutes walk in the wrong direction, cost three euros to climb and would involve doing lots of stairs. In the bin it goes.

I walked, unhappily, then through the Triana district of the city, which was, shockingly, also very touristy, to get to a nice looking park, named Parque De Los Principes. I arrived and to my genuine delight, the place was all but deserted. I walked into my new fortress of solitude and, for the first time that day, was able to actually relax. I took a deep breath and stretched my crumpling spine out and…was immediately body checked by a lone jogger. Nevermind. I'm going home.

I made my way out of the park, which did involve having to walk through it, which I did begrudgingly enjoy

It's fine.

Straight back onto the tube, on which I did not get a seat, before facing the twenty minute slog back to the apartment, where I stayed, alone and absolutely furious for the rest of the night. They can't all be zingers.

…also tomorrow is going to be spent either on a bus or resting, so it won't be a zinger, either. Deal with it.

#vagrant #travelling #travel #photography #seville #sevilla #spain #river #park #cathedral #crowded #tourist #bullshit

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antrel · 1 year ago

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Minecraft live was just before I went away for a few days, now I'm back and ready to incoherently rant.

So first up, the mob vote. It's what gets everyone riled up and ready to argue.

While I love to see everyone so passionate about this game, especially this far down the line, that passion is often not channelled in the healthiest of ways. I think it's a nice idea that's implemented incredibly poorly. As it stands we're faced with 3 pretty useless low impact creatures that are all just silly little guys, and I still saw several people wishing things as bad as cancer on anyone who didn't vote their precious favourite into the game (GG penguin supporters, worst I saw from you was threatening to be sad if you lost, hope you're all doing okay). If you genuinely think that someone deserves any amount of pain and suffering because they hold an opinion different to your own, you need to go and see someone about that, that isn't a healthy response.

Now I'm not saying I'm perfect of being completely civil and dignified. I try not to post about it, but glowsquid shouldn't have even come close to a win. Anyone who thinks that was a fair vote, let me just follow me on this one. A very popular online influencer asked all their followers to vote for a specific mob because they thought it would be funny to see everyone else get mad/sad about it. Because it was done on twitter at the time people then voted with every account they could get their hands on, I wouldn'tbe surprised if you told me people made multiple new accounts just to vote. Mojang changed how they held the vote because of that year, you now have to vote via an owned copy of the game, the way it should have always been. Sure people could still try to sway the votes of others or create new accounts, but minecraft isn't free, and the people you know who have a minecraft account are far more likely to have an opinion of their own instead of just letting you vote on their accounts. They've changed the system so that only players get to vote, and generally speaking they only get to vote once. That seems pretty fair to me, but given that the voting system was changed in response to a landslide victory, you'd think they'd have given the losers another chance, a fair chance. And the fact it's taken them this long to even vaguely say that they might add some of the losers one day just stoked the flames. With the old biome votes they asked 'which do you want first' and made sure to let us know we would get all 3 eventually. But before this year, all we'd heard in regards to mob votes was that the losers from the original mob vote would never make it into the game. Making it a much more tense 'who gets to live' situation.

Honestly I don't think that saying we might get some losers back is even a good idea here, it's just going to make people who lost even more vocal and whiny until they get the mob they wanted. Which I get, I really do, but it's not healthy to divide your community and then keep them divided. And I don't think that any of this was intended, the whole point of the vote was to have fun interacting with the community, for the majority of players to get to feel like they contributed something to the game they love and hold dear. Every year the community gets more and more toxic about it, and every year mojang try to figure out how to fix the problem. When they tried biome votes, people only cared about the mobs in them, so they stuck to mob votes. People complained that there was a disproportionate amount of representation to one type of play style, so they made all the mobs little useless passive mobs. People speculated about what mobs might bring to the game and spread that as fact, so they're continuously giving us more solid information and people are still speculating and spreading misinformation. And then people are complaining about it without contributing anything helpful to the conversation. If you're not going to be constructive, just be quiet, it's that simple.

Finally on to the update itself, 1.21 or as I'm currently calling it 'the tinkering update' as that's the word they kept wanting to drive home in their presentation. When I was really thinking about what I wanted next from minecraft, well my response has been largely the same for the past few updates, new structures to adventure in and more importantly, new loot to obtain from structures that you can't get anywhere else. The deep dark did a great job at this, and I loved the updates to almost every structure that we got with the 1.20 update. So where does that leave me on this one? Honestly I'm currently a little let down. Now don't get me wrong here, a replayable dungeon, with unique mobs and cool down spawners and restocking loot is literally what I've been creating in my survival server for my friends to play through, and the breeze gives me so many new ideas and the fact that the new spawners scale for the amount of players around is amazing. But the currently shown rewards just aren't quite there for me yet. Diamonds and emeralds just aren't unique enough for such a fun looking challenge structure, but these are early days for the development and that could just be placeholder loot, I genuinely hope that it is at least. And if these are the rewards you can expect from these spawners, oh boy. Given that tamed wolf kills count as player kills, and wolves auto aggro on skeleton variants, there's an easy way to now make an afk bone, slowness arrow, xp, emerald and DIAMOND farm. AFK DIAMONDS. That doesn't sound healthy for the game at all. I can understand that diamonds are their go to exciting loot, but making them renewable just really pushes things too far for my liking.

I love the look of the new copper blocks, and I'm excited to get a metal door that isn't iron. That being said, you can clearly see a player right click one open in the footage, which disappointed me so much, we already have so many options for doors that work like wooden doors. Copper bulbs are such an interesting concept, with an unknown amount of potential, I'm super excited to see how they fully function when they come to snapshots.

It's nice to get a tile set for tuff finally, it felt so lonely and so niche before. I have managed to shove it into a few builds at this point, mostly as a floor, but I'm glad it's finally getting a use.

Finally, the crafter. Taking the craft out of Minecraft feels quite strange, and yet oddly I'm more excited for it than I thought I'd be, and I think that's down to it's implementation. I've seen auto crafters in modpacks and such and they're either way too easy or way too complicated, none of them felt like minecraft and none of them interacted with redstone in such a unique and interesting way. I mean it's such an interestingly unique redstone tool that I can see it being used at some point (probably not anytime soon) for redstone other than crafting, I can be used to count anywhere between 1 and 9, and then can be instantly hopper drained to count that exact number again, that's gonna be useful to somebody at some point. But for it's main functionality, it's going to become just as core to automatic farming as shulker loaders are, if not more core. Like can you even imagine the amount of unique things you can now afk for. Not just the materials anymore, the whole item. Which farm next to a skeleton or spider spawner, small bamboo farm if it's a spider spawner, afk mining at a cobble generator, and wake up in the morning to more dispensers than you have ever been bothered to craft for yourself. The minecraft industrial revolution is fast approaching and I couldn't be more excited for it. Every players experience is going to become so much more unique as they decide for themselves how far they personally think it's worth going with auto crafting, people are gonna encounter so many interesting challenges as they figure out how to auto craft this new specific recipe. It's such a big change to the way the game is played and experienced, all tucked neatly into a single block.

And for all those complaining that this is a small update, firstly get your head out your ass about a free update that isn't owed to you, but secondly this already revolutionary update is only just beginning. This is the stage of development where we only knew about camels and bamboo, and look what we ended up with. Even if this is all the update has, I'm happy with the features presented, and cannot wait for the upcoming snapshots, so I can tinker with it all myself.

#Minecraft #Mojang #1.21 #Minecraft live #mob vote

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o0recipme0o · 2 years ago

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someone asked if i had any more content from this dream and then i started making an au lmao

i've never had more than an elevator pitch for my aus so maybe don't expect too much of me but anyway

this one goes out to you anon, i hope this is what you were hoping for :)

also this post starts off with me rambling because i didn't know where to go with this idea so i just started writing ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i'll put a little header where my organized thoughts start in case my rambles are hard to read

more details from my dream (rambling pt1)

i left these out of the original post because i thought they were irrelevant/incoherent but maybe they're interesting

scar was blue & grian was pink, like hades and persephone in the lore olympus webtoon. i think my dream was somewhat inspired by that?

(speaking of hades and persephone there’s a very good desert duo hadestown au on ao3: the equinox series by elycia7 on ao3 in which grian, king of the underworld, and scar, god of spring, navigate their marital issues :) )

although i’m pretty sure in my dream scar had hades’s job and he was guiding the poor little spring bird out of his domain

also I’m not exactly sure how human these guys were? i know in this part of my dream they were completely in animal form, but i vaguely recall them also having a humanoid form? so maybe they’re like shapeshifters or somethin

i think scar was a ruler or leader of some sort

brainstorming ideas... (rambling pt2)

this situation is kind of reminding me of lion king, what with the big cat acting as a leader with a small bird friend

maybe this is a lion king au?

or we could go the zootopia direction and say it’s a predator vs prey world

pesky bird grian trying to stir up some trouble for fun, wandering too far into scar’s domain and getting caught

hey we could even put this in the context of hermitcraft season 7, with scar being the leader/mayor and grian trying to spread the good word of mumbo

(although i don’t know that much about season 7 so i can’t draw many parallels here - w - ;;)

ooh y'know what other season scar and grian were against each other

season 9

i watched season 9 as it came out, i'm familiar enough with it to do this :D okay okay

organized thoughts! woah!

okay let's say the hermits are all hybrids of some sort, and they can switch between their humanoid form and animal/mob form at will

their humanoid form retains traits of their mob form (so like grian keeps his wings, scar keeps his ears & tail, etc.)

there's a human language, a common mob language, and species-specific mob languages. most people will learn the human language first, then their species' language, then the common mob language

(not necessarily one after the other, they can learn multiple languages at the same time, that's just the typical order of mastery)

typically you have to be in human form to understand the human language and mob form to understand the mob language, but you can train your ear to recognize the language when you're in your other form

now for the story...

i've decided to put this in the context of hermitcraft season 9's king arc because i miss it

king rendog has his castle built and he gives each of his court members a piece of land around the castle, so you can't get to the castle without going through at least one of the court member's territories

grian, being the pesky bird he is, tries to sneak into the castle to cause some mischief, and he sees scar's beautifully landscaped gardens and decides that he will have the most cover there from all the greenery and shrubs and such

so goes into his bird form, where he's smaller and more agile, and he flies into scar's domain under the cover of night, but maybe a stray skeleton shoots his wing, so he falls down and lands in scar's garden

meanwhile knight scar is on the clock patrolling his lands (in big cat form for sharpened senses) and hears rustling, so he goes to investigate

grian sees scar coming towards him, winces at his injured wing, and switches to human form so he can at least draw his sword if need be and be a little more intimidating than a little injured bird against a big cat

scar also switches to human form so he can question grian, and somehow grian stumbles his way out of suspicion ("oh i was just exploring, i got a bit lost, so sorry for invading your garden") and scar offers to lead him back to the edge of his territory so grian can go home

and as they walk through the garden they have a nice little conversation, and by the time they get out of scar's garden they're both like "huh, that was nice :)"

next meeting of the king's court, ren talks about how he heard word of an attempted invasion of the castle and named grian and the soup group as the prime suspects

scar hears the description of grian and is like, "aha. aho. that's crazy." but he doesn't say anything because what if he's wrong, then they'll take away an innocent man! (and he'll never see the nice bird that fell into his garden again)

this is followed by a comical series of events where grian keeps trying to infiltrate the castle and getting caught by scar

maybe he tries scar's domain again now that he's more familiar with it, but things always go wrong for him

and when he tries going through one of the other court member's domains scar is somehow always conveniently there

(although if we're going down a more dramatic route instead of a comedic one then maybe grian is able to get to the castle through the others’ domains and he stirs up some mischief that scar has to help solve while grian pretends he's innocent)

and over the course of all these failed attempts grian and scar become closer friends, until eventually grian's just going to scar's garden to hang out even though he insists his main goal is still to get into the castle

i had a dream where scar was in intimidating big cat form and grian was in smol pesky bird form and they just met and scar was guiding grian somewhere but grian kept looking at him and scar was like “??? is he intimidated does he think i’m gonna eat him or something” and so he was like “you seem a little uncomfortable, let me get my assistant to guide you instead” and grian was like “what wait no it’s fine” while scar was walking away and then scar came back in Fluffy Form and grian was like “a.”

and the whole time grian was staring at scar because he thought he looked hot cool lmao

#grian #goodtimeswithscar #desert duo #hermitcraft #hermitcraft s9 #cinderstuff

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itsthestutterforme · 4 years ago

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Don't Pretend (Vincenzo)

Y/N is a very successful civil rights investigator and a friend of Cha-young. Cha-young called her when she needed help building their case against Babel. Chairman Han seo thinks she's a threat, but Jun woo thinks otherwise.

Pairings: Joon woo x reader (romantic), Cha young x reader (platonic), Vincenzo x reader (platonic)

I didn't even set foot in my apartment yet and Cha young called me for help. I love her and all but it seems like she's always in trouble with someone. She wants me to meet her at a theater because she wants me to meet someone.

She said it was urgent, so I didn't even stop by for food, so this person better be the President of South Korea or something.

I step out of my vehicle and walk through the entrance to see a swarm of reporters surrounding a group of people. One of those people was Cha young and I spin around on my heel, not in the mood for talking to reporters.

"Y/N!" Cha young calls. "Damn it," I say to myself before turning back around. "You didn't mention there would be reporters," "Surprise," she says.

I shake my head and she shrugs. I look to a random spot outside and say, "Oh my God, is that Jay Park and his new girlfriend? Look over there by the garden!" You point to a random couple that was walking past the garden.

"Jay Park! Where?" The swarm of reporters then went outside towards the garden. I roll my eyes and said, "They're like ants searching for food." I make my way towards the group and Cha young links her arm with mine.

"I missed you," she says and I grumble lowly. "Y/N, this is Vincenzo Cassano. Mr. Cassano, this is my colleague and close freind, Y/N," Cha young introduces.

"Seems like you're far from home, Cassano." I say in Italian, much to his surprise. He raises a brow at me and says, "I could say the same for you. The last I saw you, you were handling business in Siena."

"And you were handling business in Milano. Nice touch with the garden. It was beautiful," I compliment and he smiles. "Thank you, I try."

Cha young looks between me and Cassano and says, "You two know each other?" "Vaguely," I comment. "And who are they?" I add, motioning to the older woman, older man and two young men. "The enemy," Cha young says nonchalantly.

"For enemies, you seem awfully close," "Believe me, we're not," an older woman snaps. "Don't get your panties in a twist. I'm just making an observation." I snark. "Excuse me?" she steps closer to me and Cha young does the same.

"Careful, she hates being touched." Cassano states. "I'm heading back to my loft," I say before giving Cassano and Cha young a nod.

"Who are you?" The older woman asks but there was something about her that urked me. I give her a once over before walking back through the entrance.

"She's Y/N Y/L/N, a civil rights investigator and the top in her firm. Not only that, but she has correlations with mafias across three different continents. She has the resources to take us down," Han seo says and a small smile creeps on Joon woo's lips. "Why are you smiling?" Han seo asks.

"She's very accomplished," Jun woo answers. "And it's her accomplishments that scare me, brother." "Don't be. I'll handle her," "Handle her how? Like kill her?" "I don't want to, she seems interesting. But I will if she continues to be a threat to us."

I have to get back into the my workouts. I feel like I've put on a little weight while I was in Italy. It's not like I had any choice. Telling Nonna no is like kicking a puppy, no one can do it. Nonna offers you food, you always say yes. That's an unwritten rule that everyone follows.

My sneakers wrap around perfectly around my feet and I could barely feel the ground when I ran through the city park. I always make sure that it was light enough for things to be visible but early enough that there was only a handful of people in the park itself.

I was on my third and final loop when I saw the black van move across the street and park next to the sidewalk I was running on. I stopped to catch my breath for a moment before running in the other direction. I hear a door open and several footsteps run behind me.

I grab the nearest thick branch I could find and wait until they were close enough. I swing the branch as hard as I could, hitting three men in the face. They fell to the ground and I focus on the two guys rushing towards me at once. I duck around one and punched the other in the throat, leaving me with just the one man.

I bring up my guard and shuffle my feet but the man runs in back into the van and drives away. "You okay?" A voice asks from behind me and I feel a hand on my shoulder. I spin around and kick his leg out from under him. He falls to the ground and I apply pressure to his chest.

"Relax. I'm not the bag guy here." He strains. "Wait a minute, I know you. You're the-" "A friend of Cha young." He places his hand on my outter thigh and I say, "I wouldn't know if friend is a term I would use. She called you the enemy."

"She was referring to the rest of them," "What ever helps you sleep at night." I finally stand up from his chest and he takes a deep breath.

He stands up from the ground and that's when I notice that he was shirtless. My eyes softly scan the smooth, tanned skin of his pecks. My eyes snap up to meet his and he cocks his head teasingly.

"Speechless?" "I'll never give you that satisfaction," I snark as he steps closer to me so I have to look straight up just to meet his eyes.

The next thing I knew, I am washing off his touch and scent in the shower. Well trying to anyway. Halfway through my shower, he decided to join me and trail his hands down my hips.

I moan softly when he presses my body the cold tiled wall and kisses my neck. He hooks one of my legs around his waist and slowly trails his hand along my inner thigh.

My phone blades, scaring us both. I pull away from him and he says, "Just ignore it." "She's been calling me all day, she already knows that something is up." I walk out of the shower and dry my feet before wrapping a towel around my body.

I answer the phone and Cha young yells, "About time! Where have you been!" "I, uh, I went shopping. There was no food in my refridgerator or cabinets." I answer calmly.

"Don't you have a maid for that?" "I'm not lazy enough to have a maid, Cha young." "Well, you had me worried. I thought someone took you hostage or something." She finally says without yelling.

"You really think they are capable of that?" "They are capable of many things. Be careful, Y/L/N." Vincenzo says in Italian.

"Bene, ciao," I say before hanging up. I turn around to see Joon woo inches away from my face. "Did you enjoy the past few hours?" I ask. He steps closer to me and motions to the scratches on his chest from my nails.

"What do you think?" He says softly. There's just something about him speaking softly that makes my knees buckle. The worst part is, I think he knows that.

"Good, because that's the last time that'll happen." "Do you know how many times I've heard that? And how many crawled back to me?" He says cockily. "Yes, but I'm sure you'll be the one crawling." I say, tapping his chest before walking out of the bathroom.

My worst nightmare came true today. One of my closest friends was murdered last night by a rival mob leader. The boss says not to engage them and that he will handle it, and my anger dwindled down to sadness. I took a day to myself and cried my eyes out in my bed.

Goosebumps littered my body as cold chills rolled through. I wince as the cold, damp fabric of the t-shirt grazes over my warm back and I took it as a sign to hop in the shower. Squatting down on the shower floor, I duck my head under the scalding hot water. The water rakes through my hair and trails down my body when I hear the doorbell ring.

I dry myself and slide on some shorts and a sweatshirt Joon woo gifted me in attempt to see me again. It took Joon woo two weeks before realizing that I wasn't going back to him. After wards, he sent me flowers, teddy bears, sweatshirts and a 10k watch that looked like it costed a fortune.

I gave the teddy bears and flowers to random people in the street and the watch to Cha young and the look on Jun woo's face when he realized it was the gift he gave was aboslutely priceless. But I gladly kept the sweatshirts because they were too cute to give up. I walk down the stairs and wipe away my tears before opening the door.

Joon woo stands in the door way and he looked happy about something. But his smile soon falls when he sees that I've been crying. "You've been crying. What happened?" He tried reaching for my face but I slap his hand away. "Stop. Don't pretend like you care about me." I snap but he lunges forward to grab my face.

I take a few steps back and his hold on my face softens. "Of course, I care about you." He says, caressing my cheeks with his thumbs. He takes my hand and leads me to the bedroom. I sniffle and wipe away more of my tears. I always hated crying in front of people, it made me feel weak.

He grabbed the remote and sat on the bed. He pulled himself to the head of the bed and takes me with him. He pulls me between his legs and leans my back into his chest.

He searches through the channels and stopped at a cartoon before wrapping one arm along the clavicle of my neck. He wraps the other across my waist and says, "You don't have to talk if you don't want to."

"Why are you here, Joon woo?" I croak, wiping away my tears. "We won our settlement case and I wanted to celebrate with you." "We're literally enemies," "Isn't that how it always is? Enemies and polar opposites attracted to each other?" He asks and I look up to meet his gaze from behind.

He examines my face as he waits for a response. "I guess that is how it goes, isn't it " I lean on his shoulder and he presses the side of his face against my temple. "I lost my best friend today," I add with a sigh.

#vincenzo #joon woo x reader #kdramafans #kdrama fanfic #fluff

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punemy-spotted · 3 years ago

Note

Okay I’m not sure this is quite what you’re looking for, but talk to me about how TPYP Steve and Andy would lean into the energy of the other to try and win over Reader. Like, how would Steve be a little softer and good? And how would Andy be a little darker and manipulative? 😳😘❤️

Siri! This is also exactly what I'm looking for! Thank you for feeding my hoe brain — you know I love diving into the psyches of these two men.

This is going to be DEEPLY spoilery but I will try to keep things vague as I talk about this, but! For the sake of those who may or may not want to read the thoughts, it's under a cut.

✨ Please Send Me Mob Thoughts ✨

Steve has never quite considered himself to be "soft" or "good" by any means, and he does resent Counsel a bit for how she's destabilized him. Both his empire and him emotionally. She haunts him, but there's a reason he gives in to her more these days — he's truly afraid of watching her wither in the cage he put her in. The door remains open in the almost vain hope that she'll fly back to him, perch herself on his shoulder and realize she could be free here too, with him. But if there's one thing he's learned in the aftermath of the contract and his failure to complete, it's that words will rarely smooth over a cut this deep. So he lets her go. He knows more about Andy and Andy's dealings than Reader does, knows that Andy's web has to unravel eventually. And he plans to be there when it does.

Andy has been playing the game for longer than Sunshine knows. When you're friends with hounds like Pierce, it's easy to make yourself look safe compared to gnashing teeth and hungry eyes. But politics is cutthroat and bloody, and the blood on his hands is... enough. It might be easy to say he does it all for the love of a woman — because he does, of course he does — but people get hurt in that process. An ambitious journalist made a prize for a dangerous duo. An empire of excess and destabilization in need of an heir. Things are going to be a bit more desperate for Sunshine soon, and he'll be there to "save" her — just like he planned.

After all, who's the one with friends feeding him information in the DAs office, keeping eyes on his Sunshine?

#stargazingfangirl18 #asked and answered #shroombox #siri!!#tessa needs mob thoughts #TPYP NEEDS AN UPDATE

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winterspiderpurrs · 1 year ago

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❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Here we go! @professional-benaddict

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

Peter walked along the normal route he took for his run. The only difference now is the taxi cab waiting for him about a mile away from the house.

The taxi drive to the city felt surreal. He hopes Stephen and Tony understand, he needed time. He really didn't know what he was getting into. But he appreciated that they let him leave, he honestly thought they wouldn't let him. That gave him a little glimmer of hope.

He got himself a hotel from where he stayed last time he was in the city. The hotel was across the street from the hospital he met Stephen at the first time. Depending on where his room was, he might even see Stephen arriving to work. He gets himself checked in. Called a couple of his friends, checking in on them. Fixes himself a large bubble bath.

Playing on his phone, flipping through the pictures he took of Diablo and Rogue. The sneaky shots he took of Stephen and Tony. He sighs. What is he gonna do? His phone dings again. It's Bucky this time.

Bucky B. - Heard you left. Caused a stir, you safe Doll?

Peter hesitated before typing a reply

- I'm safe. Just needed to get away.

Bucky B. - I'll come get you if you need me, Stevie too.

He was about to put his phone aside when he looked at the 5th name down in his txt. Christine.

He sits up quick in the tub. She knows Stephen! They all worked at the hospital. Sure she might not know the... mob side of things but she would understand Stephen better then anyone.

He sends over a quick text.

- Hey Christine! I'm back in town. Your schedule still the same? Let's catch up tomorrow for lunch? Let me know! :)

He gets out of the tub and gets dressed. Deciding to go to a local cafe just around the corner of the hospital.

His phone goes off again, and he smiles, hoping it's Christine repling.

Tony S. - You're late for lunch. Expect you home by dinner. This has gone on long enough.

His phone dings again.

Dr. S. Strange - Check in with us. We just want to make sure your safe.

Peter frowns, and was about to reply when he accidentally bumps into someone.

" Oh! I'm sorry. Was distracted, you okay?" Peter asks lifting his head up to look at the person.

The man smiles down at him, he seems vaguely familiar to Peter but he can't place it.

" It's no problem, I'm fine. Not everyday you run into someone cute"

Blinking, what is it with people flirting so blatantly with him? He smiles a little. " That's good, I guess. " he moves to keep walking.

" Let me take you out for coffee, my treat"

Peter frown and looks over his shoulder.

" Thanks but no thank you... I uh.. have a boyfriend " more like two men who claim ownership of him, but he is still trying to process that.

Peter continues on his way into the cafe, thankfull after he ordered the man outside was gone. He sighs in relief.

part 34 🖤 AO3 link to whole work

part 33 in the reblog @winterspiderpurrs

“Where do you think you’re going?”

Peter stops in the doorway, his shoulders tensing. He does not need to turn around to see who it is.

“Just- just out. Won’t be long.” Peter lies. He should have prepared a better lie, but his mind is a mess from last night still.

“Peter.” Stephen starts. Peter can hear his slow, but confident footsteps coming closer. “You know last night was not your fault. It won’t happen again, all right? Just come back inside and we’ll talk. Diablo doesn’t want you to leave either.”

Nothing that Stephen is saying is bringing any comfort to Peter. He grips the doorknob harder.

“I-I have to go. I’m sorry.”

And with that Peter sprints out the door. He does not know whether Stephen letting him do so is a good or bad thing.

——

With a little grunt, Stephen shuts the front door before Diablo can run out. He rubs at his neck while searching for his husband. Diablo leads the way, trotting into the library and yipping happily at seeing Rogue by the fireplace. He joins her there, but first they play fight.

“Peter went out. Or left, I don’t know.” Stephen says, collapsing into the plush chair next to his husband.

“I told Clint and Sam to shadow him as soon as I heard him packing.” Tony says, not lifting his gaze from the tablet on his lap. He passes it to Stephen. It is the tablet Peter has been using when caring for Tony.

“What’s this? A job posting. Nursing job at the hospital… it’s like- five hours away.” Stephen says and Tony nods.

The two of them are quiet for a while. The dogs have calmed down a little, but they are trying to find a comfortable resting spot which they both like. It isn’t always easy having siblings, and teeth are shown.

Peter is trying to get away, Stephen and Tony can easily deduce that. If only the tiny dancer would know that that is impossible.

“Weren’t not letting him go.” Tony says, his voice low.

“Of course not.” Stephen chuckles. “He knows too much, even with the NDA. Besides, I think he is good for you.” The doctor says teasingly. Tony pulls a face.

“I think he’s checked your ego more than mine. Besides, you’ve known each other longer. I’ll never forget how much you ranted about him when he first told you to shut up in that one surgery.”

Stephen groans, but it turns into a laugh.

“All right, all right. Bottom line is, we’re keeping him. We might need another leash though if he keeps running off.”

The husbands look at their two pets, finally at peace and snoozing while cuddled up together.

It would be a perfect picture, if only someone special wasn’t missing.

#starkerstrange #ironspiderstrange #mob au

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paradisetemporarilymisplaced · 4 years ago

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Book recs: Similar to but less sad than TSOA

Hello everyone! @lordeteams requested some book recommendations that are not as sad as The Song of Achilles so here we go. I read a lot of books and since 2019 I've kept a running list of what I've read so honestly I'll take any excuse to subject people to my interests🤗 List is below the cut, not in any particular order (except from the first entry which is my current favorite), and includes NA, YA, and adult fiction. If you're curious about the distinction I'll refer you to this (sadly, now-deleted) tweet from Maggie Stiefvater:

One Last Stop (Casey McQuiston, NA): This one is brand new and instantly became a favorite. F/F romance in which August Landry, newly transplanted to Brooklyn, meets Jane Su on her morning commute. Turns out, Jane is stuck on the train and has been since the 70s, but has no memory of how it happened or of her old life. Part romance, part time-travel mystery, but entirely a love letter to queer communities everywhere. Found family trope abounds with August's roommates and coworkers, which include drag queens, people of every flavor of queer, and a real life psychic, all of whom are ready and willing to help solve the mystery of why Jane is on the train and how to fix it. In the process, August learns things about her own family, as well as events in American queer history that few people remember today. I really cannot express enough how much I love this book. Please read it.

Red, White, and Royal Blue (Casey McQuiston, NA): Odds are, if you've heard of Casey McQuiston, it was because of her first book (this one). M/M romance about Alex, son of the first female US President, and Henry, prince of England. Enemies to friends to lovers, featuring queer self-discovery, coming out, PR/corporate closeting (hello, larries!) and just a delight. This is a very different queer story from OLS - OLS is a romance, but more plot-heavy and the romance isn't the entire focus. In RWRB, the romance is the plot and it reads like fanfiction which is very fun.

The Raven Cycle (series, Maggie Stiefvater, YA): This series is a character-driven, coming-of-age, found family story about a bunch of weird-ass teenagers (affectionate), magic, prophecy, and Welsh kings. This is the rare story in which every single main character plays a critical role in the plot and grows and changes with the story. You will fall in love with all of them and their relationships with one another. Plus, the worldbuilding is incredible and has such an intricate mythology that you'll want to reread just to get the details. Followed by the Dreamer Trilogy, of which two books have been published, but I've only read the first one so far.

All for the Game (series, Nora Sakavic, YA): This is the series that got me back into reading for fun five years ago and as such it holds a special place in my heart. The plot is wacky and convoluted - college athletics, a made-up sport, a kid on the run from his mob boss father - but don't let that discourage you. Hella found family. (Are you seeing a pattern?) I will warn you, this deals with some pretty heavy stuff, including torture, abuse, addiction, sexual violence, and more. Here's a comprehensive list of trigger warnings, with detailed descriptions at the bottom. It's intense, but the friendships and romances make it worth the read imo.

Grishaverse (series, Leigh Bardugo, YA): This is actually three series: the Shadow and Bone trilogy, the Six of Crows duology, and the King of Scars duology (which I haven't yet read). If you've seen Shadow and Bone, the S&B trilogy covers the Alina storyline, while SOC covers Kaz, Inej, Jesper, Nina, and Matthias. S&B is a chosen one/coming of age story, while SOC is found family committing heists. It's great.

Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe (Benjamin Alire Saenz, YA): Coming of age M/M romance. Set in the 1980s in El Paso, it describes the friends to lovers journey of Ari and Dante over several years, as well as Ari's journey of self-discovery. It is the most beautiful book and one of my comfort reads. There's some themes of homophobia and violence, but with a happy ending.

Carry On (Rainbow Rowell, YA): This is basically Harry Potter fanfiction, but better because (a) it doesn't take itself too seriously and (b) the author is not a violent transphobe. Seriously, this book is so fun. It's a twist on the chosen one trope because Simon, said Chosen One, is just spectacularly bad at what he is supposedly destined to be. Plus you have an enemies to lovers storyline, which is my personal favorite trope. Followed by Wayward Son, which is literally a road trip AU, and Any Way the Wind Blows, which will be released next month.

The Queen's Thief (series, Megan Whalen Turner, YA): Fantasy series centered on Eugenides, who is very proud of being a great thief but also wants to be famous, two goals which are not really compatible. This series is interesting because every novel is told from a different character's point of view in an increasingly zoomed-out lens such that you're seeing how Eugenides' influence grows over time and space. The setting is vaguely based on the ancient Mediterranean region, but with a mythology all its own.

The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo (Taylor Jenkins Reid, adult): This is a frame story in which aged Hollywood star Evelyn Hugo, famously tight-lipped about her personal life, hand selects a young journalist, Monique Grant, to finally tell her story. Evelyn tells Monique all about her life - how she became an actress in the mid-twentieth century, how she got involved (and uninvolved) with all seven of her former husbands, and who was the true love of her life. There are some sad moments for sure, as it's a retrospective on the very long and very full life of an actress at what she knows is the end of hers. But it's such a good story and worth the bittersweet tones.

This Is How You Lose the Time War (Amal El-Mohtar & Max Gladstone, adult): Sci-fi novel told by Red and Blue's letters to one another across time and space. They are on opposing sides of the Time War and as they perform their respective missions, they leave letters for the other to find. Their letters start out as "I'm coming for you, you better run" but then eventually turn to friendship and then love. Ultimate enemies to lovers. It's a short novel but you'll read it again and again to pick up more details. It's so good.

The House in the Cerulean Sea (TJ Klune, NA): This book feels like a warm hug. Linus Baker is essentially a child protective services worker, overseeing the orphanages housing magical children. He is then assigned to the most remote orphanage in the system, in which six dangerous children reside, to determine whether any or all of these children are capable of bringing about the end of the world. Once more, with feeling: FOUND FAMILY. Also nice because it's a metaphor for queerness that also features canon queer characters.

#book recs #queer lit #lordeteams #look if you don't know by now that i am incapable of writing anything short then i don't know how to help you #these are similar to tsoa in that they are all queer and/or coming of age and/or chosen one stories #but they are not tragedies #some are kind of sad at times but all have happy endings #here's hoping i've regained your trust lmao #also if anyone out there reads anything on this list and like it you have to come back and tell me #both for the validation and so that i have someone to scream about it with #my recs

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fantastic-nonsense · 3 years ago

Text

I posted 2,532 times in 2021

577 posts created (23%)

1955 posts reblogged (77%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 3.4 posts.

I added 1,647 tags in 2021

#dc comics - 408 posts

#personal - 201 posts

#tim drake - 195 posts

#dick grayson - 174 posts

#star wars - 166 posts

#batfam - 111 posts

#asks - 108 posts

#cassandra cain - 99 posts

#long post - 97 posts

#damian wayne - 88 posts

Longest Tag: 104 characters

#👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀 good shit go౦ԁ shit👌 thats ✔ some good👌👌shit right👌👌there👌👌👌 right✔there ✔✔

My Top Posts in 2021

the moral of the Bad Art Friend/Kidney Donation story is that if you're going to talk shit about your incredibly obnoxious and narcissistic acquaintance behind her back, you should maybe not steal her recognizable life event for a short story you intend to publish, plagiarize her words, and then gaslight her when she comes around asking for an explanation

Because said obnoxious and narcissistic acquaintance WILL, in fact, recognize that shit and focus all of her time to the point of legitimate obsession making sure you regret that decision

In other news:

2923 notes • Posted 2021-10-06 01:04:43 GMT

STUPENDOUS NEWS EVERYONE

TRUMP’S TWITTER ACCOUNT HAS BEEN PERMANENTLY SUSPENDED

WE ARE FINALLY FREE

3289 notes • Posted 2021-01-08 23:38:13 GMT

SCREAMING CRYING SOBBING ON THE FLOOR AT THIS PHOTO

4835 notes • Posted 2021-10-16 19:55:00 GMT

I really want to emphasize the slightly ridiculous timeline of Bruce taking in children and how funny this has the potential to be re:Dick being the eldest, because I think it's really important that people understand that Bruce basically only has Dick around for like...11-12 years. Dick formally moves out when he's around 19 or 20, and roughly six months to a year later, Bruce picks Jason up. Dick and Jason never live in the same house at the same time, and three years later, Jason dies. So he gets 2 kids over a 15 (ish) year period, which doesn't sound too ridiculous, right?

Except then his adoption tendencies accelerate, because he picks up Tim and Cass within 2 years of each other (and Steph came as a package deal with both of them) and then finds out about Damian 2-3 years after that. Then we've got Duke, who (when you vaguely fit together timelines) enters stage left about 2-3 years after Damian.

So after a 15-year period with two kids, Bruce manages to pick up 4 1/2 others (counting Steph) within the 7-8 years afterwards. The sheer missed comedic potential of Dick being a grown-ass adult and then his dad decides to adopt a pack of kids within 5 years of him moving out is incredible. Dick went from being essentially an only child for his entire life to being eldest of 6, only one of which he's ever actually lived in the same house with, all because Bruce got Empty Nest Syndrome and went "well I raised one child to adulthood successfully. What's another 5 or 6 at the same time?"

7751 notes • Posted 2021-07-18 20:24:32 GMT

In the past 7 days alone:

Trump election fraud tape where he tries to convince the Georgia Secretary of State to “find him 11,000 more votes” comes out

Warnock & Ossoff win their Senate run off races in Georgia, making the US Senate a 50-50 tie between Democrats and Republicans and giving the Democrats an effective government trifecta

an armed mob incited by multiple GOP officials (including Donald Trump, Ted Cruz, and Josh Hawley) storms the Capitol building, resulting in at least 4 deaths, thousands of dollars of property damage, and the first time the Capitol building has been breached since the War of 1812

2nd impeachment proceedings against Trump are announced while multiple high-ranking government officials publicly urge Pence and the Cabinet to invoke the 25th Amendment

Elaine Chao & Betsy DeVos resign from Trump’s Cabinet

Daily coronavirus deaths in the United States top 4,000 for the first time

Trump gets permabanned from Twitter & tries to use the official POTUS account as a burner, gets immediately locked out, & runs through multiple other apparent burner accounts (which all get suspended). Meanwhile, multiple other social media sites preemptively issue statements that any account he tries to open on their platforms will be instantly suspended

Steve Bannon’s Youtube channel gets taken down

Parler gets taken down from the Google Play Store and Apple gives it 24 hours to enforce content moderation or face removal from the App Store

Rush Limbaugh deactivates his Twitter account

SNL's going to have an absolute field day tomorrow night

30318 notes • Posted 2021-01-09 02:26:14 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#tumblr wrapped #NOT TWO TRUMP-RELATED POSTS BEING IN MY TOP 5 #when will I be free #also asdfghjkl at my top tags genuinely don't know what else I expected #that's exactly what my focus has been for the past year #my three month tim drake stan era has come back to haunt me

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brasskier · 4 years ago

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@badthingshappenbingo trope #3 (and this one was actually requested!)

Thank you to the incredible @geraltrogerericduhautebellegarde for reading this one over for me!

Trope: Suicide attempt

Summary: Yennefer's just running a few errands, and doesn't expect to end up talking Geralt's bard down from a rooftop. Jaskier is ready to leap, and doesn't expect a certain mage to interrupt his grand finale. Both of them might just walk away with a better understanding of one another. (Or, a character study in borderline personality disorder.)

TW for suicidal ideation/threats/gestures and reference to self-harm. The descriptions aren’t graphic and he doesn’t actually jump, but this whole fic deals with suicide and mental illness. Be safe y’all <3

Read it on my ao3 or below the cut:

The trip to Tretogor wasn’t supposed to last long. Replenish her stock after the utter disaster that was the dragon hunt, some odds and ends as she came upon them, maybe get absolutely shitfaced and forget the whole thing happened. That was all. And it looked like, for a pleasant change of pace, there weren’t going to be any complications. Errands finished, Yennefer was enjoying a hearty roast at one of the better taverns in the city when she noticed the early warnings of a brewing commotion. First murmurs, then the voices grew louder and more persistent, and then people were pushing outside. She ignored them; a petty barfight was not something she particularly wanted or needed to get involved with. The bar was still stirring, and eventually when she finally shifted her focus off her roast, the tavern was near-empty, only the drunkest of patrons remaining. Even the barkeep was shuffling outside. Clearly, something was happening. Something big. With a beleaguered sigh, she pushed up from her chair and headed out the door.

A surprisingly large crowd greeted her outside, more expansive than the usual clamor around a simple drunken brawl. She approached the barkeep, standing on the outskirts of the mob, and she didn’t even have to speak before the barkeep jerked his head skyward. She traced his gaze to the roof of a towering building casting its shadow over them.

“Poor sod’s gonna jump, I reckon,” the barkeep ruminated, eyes still fixed upwards. In place of the massive beast she fully expected to be perched atop the building stood the figure of a man, trembling at the very edge of the roof. She squinted, an uncanny familiarity settling into her gut.

She mumbled her half-hearted thanks, already pushing through a portal to the rooftop. The man, still frozen in place on the opposite edge, didn’t seem to notice the sudden company, and her uneasiness grew into a sinking dread.

“Jaskier?” she called, tentatively, afraid to startle him. Any last shred of hope that she was mistaken (though the intricately embroidered doublet was hard to mistake) was gone when he jerked his head back to face her. His mouth was agape, an uncomfortable mixture of surprise and disappointment drawn across his features. “What are you doing?”

“The fuck does it look like?” He snapped back. There was more than his usual sarcasm or mock-incredulity in his voice, real and deep-felt anger coloring his tone.

“Don’t do it,” she urged, surprising herself with the tenderness in her own words. “Come on now. Just come down.” Why did she care? The question gnawed in the back of her mind, and she did her damndest to push it aside. She’s a good person, after all, right? She’d do it for anyone, surely. None of Geralt’s not-getting-involved nonsense.

“Fuck off, Yennefer.” He let out a barking laugh, thin and breathy, pitching forward ever so slightly with the force of it. She felt her whole body tense, hands reaching out reflexively.

“Where’s Geralt? What happened?” This was, apparently, the single worst line of conversation she could’ve settled on, because he dropped abruptly to a squat and for a split second she was certain she was about to witness the man’s death.

“I’m not his fucking keeper.” He was nearly at a roar now, a fever-pitch that sent a shiver down Yennefer’s spine. “Haven’t seen him in a week. Not since— not since—” Though she couldn’t see his face, his eyes fixed resolvedly on the ground below, she could hear the tears cut through his words, his breath hiccuping.

“Shh,” she hushed him. Clearly, something had happened after she stormed off. What, precisely, could wait until later, when he was back on solid ground. “I know. It’s not fair.”

“The fuck do you know about fair?” he scoffed, shoulders hunched, arms wrapped around his abdomen against the biting wind.

“He fucked me over, too.” She should’ve been offended, and she would’ve been if she wasn’t far more concerned with making sure the bard didn’t fling himself into an early demise, which would be decidedly unfair. That sentiment did little to ease him, and withdrew no response. “Fuck Geralt,” she declared, trying again. “Damn brute thinks he can just take as he pleases.”

“And— and then discard you once he’s had his fill,” he mumbled, offering her the slightest glance back, tears glistening against the pink of his cheeks.

“You’re better than that,” she set forth like a thesis. “You’re — loathe as I am to admit it — talented, bard. People like you. You’ll find plenty of material to write about.” Perhaps an appeal to both logos and pathos would be sufficient, at least enough to get him off the ledge.

“It won’t be the same.” He frowned tragically over his shoulder at her. “I've lost it all, Yen. Look at me— I'm just a silhouette.”

“That's nonsense. He… you're more than him. He's not everything.” It felt ridiculous to her, throwing yourself off a roof over an argument with a friend. After all, Jaskier had always managed to exist in the spaces between Geralt before; teaching, or penning his next obnoxious ballad, or bedding married women, or whatever it is overgrown manchild bards do. But, then, she'd almost killed herself to restore something she knew she could never get back. So perhaps they were even.

“Look, this is awfully sweet of you, but—” he swept his arm, gesturing vaguely at nothing in particular. “Just let me go. I’m doing everyone a favor.” He turned his attention back to the ground, wind rippling through his hair. “Should’ve done this a long time ago.” She felt her heart skip — a long time ago? This wasn’t just a histrionic reaction to whatever might’ve occurred between him and Geralt; gods knew how long he’d felt like this.

“You know I can’t do that,” she retorted, drawing tentatively closer. “Don’t make me portal you down.” He huffed, waving her off with a trembling hand.

“Please, Yen.” Realistically, she knew it would be easy to oblige his request. Walk away, pretend not to hear the sickening thud, and carry on. He was only her ex-witcher’s ex-bard, after all. “I always knew it'd end like this. I’m just… I’m glad I even made it past thirty, really.”

“That’s— I’m not— no, Jaskier. I’m not letting you throw yourself off a roof, for the love of the gods. That’s insane.” She wasn’t sure what was more insane, letting him go, or standing here arguing with him. “You’re going to be real glad when you make it to forty, bard.”

“Am I though, really? This isn’t my first time, believe it or not. And every time I live, or I back out, or I let someone talk me out of it. And I always regret it in the end.” Her mind reeled again — every time? How many had there been? She pushed the thought back.

“You won’t find out unless you get down,” she argued, drawing closer still. He tensed, sensing her presence, hands balling and unfurling repetitively. “Come on. Go to the tavern with me, get something to eat, have a—” she was close enough to smell the alcohol on his breath now “—more drink. I’ll be out of your hair in the morning, and if you still regret it, well…”

“Fine,” he finally agreed on the tail end of a sigh, turning to fully face her. “I’ll do it tomorrow.” She didn’t like the resolve with which he said those words, but he was agreeing to come down, which at least was a small victory. She’d handle tomorrow when it came around. In the meantime she needed to get them both down. “Or eventually,” he tacked on as she held her hands out, forming a portal back to solid ground. “Inevitably.” The word rang in her mind as she looped an arm around him and led him through the portal. As an afterthought, she summoned a blanket with a flick of her fingers; it was one of those cheap, thin blankets they kept at the inn, but it would do. She tossed it over his shoulders and he dug his fingers into the fabric, drawing it closer around himself.

Once they were back in the tavern, that thin blanket still draped over Jaskier's shoulders and mug of ale held in shaking hands, it was time to talk.

“I’m sorry,” he muttered, dragging his thumb up and down the cool tankard, avoiding meeting her eyes at all costs. “I’ve caused such a fuss. You must be anxious to get out of here.” He finally glanced in her direction when he felt a hand land on his forearm.

“It’s fine, really,” she insisted, and he couldn’t bear the pity in her eyes. “Now are you going to tell me what that was all about?” He huffed a laugh, looked away again.

“It’s just, you know. Me and my theatrics.” He shrugged, running a hand along his jaw.

“Bullshit.” When, exactly, Yennefer had gotten so good at seeing right through him, he wasn’t sure. But he did know he definitely didn’t like it.

“I’m sorry. I just, I… I get like that, I guess,” he muttered finally, dragging his thumb along the rim of his glass.

“Suicidal, you mean? You just get… suicidal?” She raised a skeptical eyebrow, moving her hand up to his shoulder.

“Yeah, I guess.” He reached blindly, dropped a hand over hers. “When something goes wrong. Someone leaves me again. I just, I fuck up a lot, and I’m no good at dealing with the concequences.”

“That’s— gods, I know you’re an idiot, but that’s really worth killing yourself over?” She tried to keep her tone light, clipped, maybe a little detached. He was uneasy with the attention, it was obvious, and she was also certainly not ready to admit that maybe, just a tiny bit, she sort of cared about him.

“Geralt, he ran me off,” he mumbled, sinking further into the blanket. “After the hunt, after your fight, he blamed me. For everything, the entire two decades of our, well. I guess it wasn’t friendship.” He chewed at his lip, a nervous habit, anger bubbling below the surface at the thought of that day. “Told me the greatest gift life could give him would be to take me off his hands.” Yennefer balked at him, finally hearing the context of his despair, and she was just about ready to portal right over to wherever Geralt had fucked off to and give him a piece of her mind.

“That’s terrible,” she told him, the best she could really offer. Nothing she could say would undo what’d happened, and nothing could change how much it hurt him. “He really is a bastard.” Jaskier nodded slowly, raised his tankard up in toast. “When’s the last time you ate? You must be starving.”

“Stew would be nice,” he replied quietly, meekly. She haled one of the barkeeps, ordered him a stew, and requested another round of drinks. “It’s not just the fight, though,” he added once the server was gone. “I don’t know how to explain it, Yen. Why I do the things I do, or feel the way I feel. It’s just, it’s all too much sometimes, you know?” She knew. All too well, she knew. She was only just beginning to understand herself, just beginning to feel some semblance of control. He was so young — perhaps not by human standards, but comparatively.

“I know. It’s hard.” They felt like empty platitudes, like she had no idea how to truly connect with him, and it was frustrating. She wanted to help him, but she wasn’t sure how, wasn’t sure he wanted it.

“Yeah.” He bobbed his head, picked at the wood of the table. They drifted into silence, neither sure how to fill it, neither sure this was a conversation either wanted to have. The stew arrived, and he picked at it rather than devouring it like he usually did his rations.

“You know I’m sterile, right?” she finally broke the silence once he’d finished his food and pushed the bowl aside, leaning closer, her voice pitched in a conspiratorial whisper. He nodded solemnly, averting his gaze, watching the light catch in his amber ale. “And you know I’ve gone to great lengths to rectify that, correct?” Another slow nod.

“I know, Yen. I’m sorry, I know you have far more right to be miserable than I do. And here I am, wallowing like a toddler—” She waved a hand to cut him off.

“No, listen, stupid bard. It’s really not about being able to have kids. It’s about the fact that I don’t have a choice, that I’ve never had a choice,” she elaborated, hiking the blanket further up his shoulders as it started to slip.

“I know. And here I am, I’ve gotten everything I wanted. I got to choose; running away, going to Oxenfurt, becoming a bard, traveling. Gods, I followed Geralt to the ends of the bloody Continent for two decades of my life I’ll never get back — but that was my choice.”

“Would you please let me finish my point, instead of interrupting me to wallow in guilt?” He gnawed at his lip, finally turning to face her. “It wasn’t about being a mother, it was about choice. So this—” she waved her arm dramatically, wondering for a moment when exactly she’d started picking up his mannerisms. “This isn’t about Geralt at all, is it?” After a moment of contemplation, he carefully shook his head. “Then what is it about?”

“I don’t know, to be honest,” he muttered at the tail end of a swig from his tankard. “I’ve just always been like this,” he said with a sweep of his hand, palm upturned, string-callused fingers twitching aimlessly. Her violet eyes bore into him expectantly, and he felt angry for a flicker of a moment — she was a witch, right? He should be able to just sit back while she delves into the darkest crevices of his psyche, let her root around and not have to struggle to put his life into context and language. “Can’t you just, y’know…” He tugged at his fingers, tilted his head.

“Read your mind?” she finished the question, scooting closer to him, and he felt the hair on his arms rise. “Are you sure that’s what you want?” He nodded, and she pressed her forehead against his, pulling him in close, enveloping him in the lilac and gooseberries he knew Geralt loved so much. He understood why; he felt inexplicably safe, even as the logical half of his brain urged him to pull back. This was all for show, and he knew that— she didn’t need to touch him to read him. Either way, he was grateful to not have to give language to the nameless, that she could just see.

See Jaskier at seventeen, screaming at Valdo from across the courtyard, "if you leave me I swear the fuck to melitile I'll kill myself," knowing he's made this exact threat verbatim so many times Valdo can't believe him, unable to recall what they were even arguing about anymore. When they break up, his mother tells him the first heartbreak always hurts the worst; it hurts all the same every time thereafter.

Jaskier at twenty, slicing thin lines into his thigh for what had to be the millionth time, running out of unmarred skin, witcher/tentative friend asleep somewhere beside him in the darkness. If asked, he’s not sure he’d have an excuse. Sometimes to feel something, sometimes to feel nothing. Either way, this uncertainty is what keeps his wrists clean.

Jaskier at twenty-three, wailing great, hiccuping sobs, shoulders rattling, blind beyond teary eyes. Geralt, gods bless him, doesn’t know what to do, stands arm’s-length away, regards him with uncertainty and pity. They’d fought about something that didn’t matter and he couldn’t remember, and that rage washed over him, red-hot, balled fists trembling at his side. “Get out! Gods, are you thick? Leave, Geralt; I fucking hate you.” But then Geralt listened, because Geralt didn’t play Jaskier’s games, and now there he was, sobbing, babbling, “don’t leave me, I’m sorry, I’ll be better, I can’t lose you, it’ll kill me, don’t go.” Geralt stays; they pretend nothing ever happened.

Jaskier at twenty-seven, at the ashes of his latest burnt bridge, just another failed relationship that feels altogether more like death than separation. Grieving it more like death, too; sobbing until he could do little more than stare at the ceiling and try to breathe, mourning a cemetery of mistakes and a lifetime of failure.

Jaskier at thirty-two, depression blanketing him with the fresh snow, the man he'd tangled up his entire identity in fucked off to the mountains for the winter while he sludged through classes, distracting himself from having to confront the fact that he doesn't recognize his own face in the mirror. Jaskier does exist in the spaces between Geralt, but, sometimes, that Jaskier is a husk.

Jaskier a few days ago, marching back to Oxenfurt because that's all he knows, doubtful Jaskier even exists anymore, the emptiness in his mind unbearable and somehow terminal, altogether certain he's been incompatible with life from the very moment he entered it and resolved to rectify nature's mistake himself.

Jaskier who, his entire life, has felt everything, too much, all at once. Who's always been led by his heart — and not in the beautiful, Romantic way, but messy, tragic, and uniquely Jaskier. A man so utterly at the mercy of his own mind, drowning in feelings he doesn't have the language to name, his entire being defined not by who he is but what he does and who he loves.

Jaskier, on a rooftop in Tretogor, itchy feet ready to fling him off the ledge. He'd told Valdo once, in the in-between hours not quite night or morning when everything seems strange and far away, that he knew how he was destined to die. Pressed on, even as Valdo chuckled and called him presumptive, “I'm going to kill myself.” Not today, or tomorrow, but inevitably. He said it not with the certainty of someone who's seen into the future but the cynical resignation of a man who knows no other escape. And Valdo punched his arm, told him not to talk like that, promised it would get easier one day. He hates Valdo now, not that he remembers why, and that day has yet to come.

She pulled back eventually— finally — and swept a shaky thumb over his cheek. He chewed on his lip, staring expectantly with hauntingly wide eyes.

“Jaskier.” It was barely a whisper, uttered at the end of a sharp exhale, and when violet eyes met his they shone with an uncanny recognition. He wasn't sure what, precisely, she'd seen, but he knew whatever it was had been enough. He'd invited her to the bleakest corners of his mind, and now she regarded him like a lame horse. He ducked his head, but she caught him with a hand on his chin. “You know that's not how destiny works.”

“Hmm?” He wracked his brain to figure what she might be referring to, coming up empty-handed. He didn't have a big, grand destiny like she or Geralt did. He was just Jaskier the bard, Jaskier the one-night stand, Jaskier the disappointment.

“It doesn't have to end like that. You have a choice,” she elaborated, still painfully vague, but he understood.

“This isn't the first time, Yen, I—”

“I know. I saw.” Right, she saw, probably everything, and he had the wherewithal to feel humiliated for it.

“I've cheated it enough times. I can't outrun it forever.” It felt nice, at least, to let his walls down a little, stop playing the perpetual naive optimist. Almost a relief, even, a weight off his shoulders.

“I know. But you're strong, Jask.” She moved her hand from his chin to the back of his head, guiding it to rest against her shoulder. “We have more in common than I thought, you know.” He laughed, thin and heady, but with a little more conviction this time, and pressed his face against her neck.

“Is that your way of telling me you're fucked up, too?” He asked, and, despite the levity in his tone, he truly was curious.

“Yes, bard,” she hummed, reaching out to sip at her tankard.

“You're not going to give me any more than that?” He fought off a yawn, pressing the back of his hand against his mouth. “I just told you everything.”

“Maybe someday,” she replied, setting the mug back on the table. “But right now I think you could use some rest. We both could.” She slipped out of the booth and he let his head tilt back against the wall, mourning the absence of her warmth.

She returned a few minutes later, room procured, and hiked the blanket back over his shoulders as he reached for his lute and followed after her. It was a nice enough room, two beds on opposite sides, a bath he had no intention of utilizing. Exhausted, he kicked off his boots, shrugged off his doublet, and dropped onto the bed. He let his mind wander, dozing as Yennefer readied herself for bed, eyelids heavy by the time she blew out the candles.

“You won't try again?” Yen asked from across the room after a while, barely a silhouette in the faint moonlight. Jaskier rolled over to face her, finding her staring distantly out the window.

“You, uh, you have to be more specific,” he muttered, tugging the blanket closer to his chin. It smelled of lilac and ale.

“How am I supposed to make that more specific?” It came out sharp, like her usual tone with him, but he could still feel an uneasy twinge to her words.

“I mean, I don't know.” He felt stupid for reasons beyond his grasp. “Not today, or tomorrow. But I can't promise never.” There was a long pause, and Jaskier barely breathed, wondering if he'd managed to upset her as sleep crept up on him.

“Not today is enough,” she said finally, sounding almost far away, and his breath hitched in his throat.

“Yeah,” he mumbled, voice thick with impending sleep. “When are you leaving?” The me he omitted at the tail end rang in his mind, unspoken but understood, heavy in the nighttime silence. She was supposed to leave in the morning, so he could either move on or finish what he’d set out to do; he wasn’t sure he wanted her to uphold that promise anymore.

“Not today.” He exhaled slowly. Not today is enough. And maybe, just maybe, enough not today's would add up to never.

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