#and i wanna keep track of the ones ive watched... or idk maybe i won't make an account who cares

[dormiloncito]

hmmmm

[cattles-bians]

damie vibecca exes au part 21

post directory

em: viola and becs love their lil hikes

em: oh actually did we already designate hiking as a damie thing

em: hmm.

em: yknow what damie and vibecca can both enjoy their weekend hikes

em: they bring isabel and she’s RUNNING up the path and tires herself out in 10 minutes and rebecca and viola swap out piggybacking her

obsetress: yeah it tracks because they both like fitness and viola likes her walks

obsetress: plus viola's like "it's good for isabel"

em: vibecca power lesbians love the challenging trails and damie just enjoy the sights

obsetress: dani venting to jamie one night: they don't even LIKE hiking, but they still had to do the blackjack loop, and WE won't even do the blackjack loop,

em: dani and her fanny packs... every time she sees isabel on a trail she like

em: stuffs her pockets w granola akdhdkfhdj

em: drives viola NUTS she’s like we packed our Own snacks

obsetress: dani gets SO excited

---

obsetress: man i love these lil gay bitches

obsetress: no but um

obsetress: jamie gets in some fight w rebecca early on after they've reconnected

obsetress: prob about her dating vi tbh

obsetress: and jamie's so put off by the whole thing and is ranting to dani about it and dani's all like "you just need to have better boundaries, jamie, they're her choices, aren't they? not yours"

obsetress: and jamie just stares at her like.........................................

obsetress: "dani, you literally continued hooking up with viola for weeks after you broke up"

"oh, c'mon jamie, it wasn't weeks"

"no?"

"it was months"

em: dani shooting herself in the foot to like. correct jamie is so funny

em: not even ‘no that’s different’ or ‘no i’ve changed’ like ‘actually it was months’

obsetress: she says it w such a lil pleased smile on her face too

---

obsetress:

obsetress: like who the FUCk gave her the right???

obsetress: a whole babe

obsetress: she didn't need to smirk like this

em: god she’s so Hot

obsetress: just think about all the times she and viola get into the banter

obsetress: and this exact face

em: i know we veered dramatically into soft territory w exes au but vi extremely stubborn lloyd and rebecca lawyer do no harm take no shit jessel truly. have some spectacular arguments

obsetress: they have absolute blowouts

obsetress: and then blowouts after the blowouts iywkim

obsetress: like dani's do no harm take no shit but she and vi also enable the SHIT out of each other

em: like dani tried but dani wasnt like. fully baked yet

obsetress: yeah! and then when she finally does and breaks up with her, she's back in her bed a few weeks later

obsetress: rebecca is the first person to not take viola's shit and to tell her no and viola can't fucking stand it

em: jamies convinced it’s a ruse for more make up sex

obsetress: dani's like "no, babe, trust me, i know what that looks like and this––"

"wot"

"what?"

em: dani (hushed) no she’s regular mad this isn’t fun mad

em: jamie (hushed but incredulous) FUN MAD?!

obsetress: please tell me how dani explains fun mad

em: a lil eyebrow waggle and a wink but then i like

em: thought abt her going to lift jamie up on a bench ‘well she kinda’

---

obsetress: the way rebecca looks at peter when he is (seemingly) (unfortunately) good w the kids has me thinking about like

obsetress: rebecca seeing vi w isabel for the first time and just

em: turns out the evil landlord shes banging is also…… soft

obsetress: rebecca and jamie on the phone and rebecca's like "i know she's... a landlord and all, but you should've seen her with isabel"

"you've gotta be fucking kidding me, becs––"

"no, maybe you're too quick to write her off. maybe people can be more than one thing"

and jamie just groans

em: poor jamie and her class traitor ex gf

em: blows kiss to rebecca

---

em: dani: i gotta go to the bathroom i’ll be right back

em: jamie: ok love

em: dani; (elbows jamie) ive Gotta Go To The B

obsetress: screamed

obsetress: dani trips over her own feet as she gets up to go

obsetress: then i just start thinking about dani absolutely pouncing on jamie the second they get into the bathroom and then i just start thinking about. how often that happens

obsetress: bathrooms or closets or wherever else

em: dani has this 6th sense for places to sneak off to

obsetress: god she DOES

obsetress: she's so good at it

em: she enters a new building and is taking lil notes just in case

obsetress: meanwhile rebecca and viola exchanging a look while they wait, knowing EXACTLY where they're going

em: viola leaning in like how much time do we have and becs is like vi. where’s your decorum

em: then she looks down at her watch and lists it down to the second

obsetress: she pauses

obsetress: then

obsetress: "and another six minutes if––" and vi's like "she'll want to go again"

em: viola buffing her nails on her blazer: she’ll want to go again

obsetress: rebecca rolls her eyes but she's grinning

obsetress: "you're all too smug" "me? smug?" becs just shakes her head and tugs her in by the lapels of her blazer

em: damie coming back to a fairly chaste vibecca kiss: BLEH can you guys GET A ROOM

obsetress: rebecca's just verly placidly like

obsetress: "dani, your zipper is still down, by the way"

em: dani; thanks :)

---

em: dani clayton voice i’m braver and severely Weirder than ppl think

obsetress: she's a bit of a weirdo

em: see now i’m thinking about dani glancing away going dang i thought i was keeping it under wraps

obsetress: ngl i think about that a lot like

obsetress: she IS a weirdo but what does jamie know

obsetress: that she's like yeah she's a fucking weirdo

obsetress: like she's anxious and jumpy but jamie wouldn't call that weird

obsetress: what did she know and when did she know it

em: i’m thinking about jamie catching dani doing something like. idk eating a burger layer by layer or w a knife and fork and going

em: what a freak. i’m gonna marry her

em: dani tells jamie no this is a normal american thing and then when they go to vermont jamie realises no this absolutely is not

obsetress: she says something about it and dani doesn't even remember saying it in the first place

obsetress: "i didn't say that"

"you literally did say that"

"why would i say that"

(jamie taylor eyebrow raise) "you tell me"

(dani clayton flush and stutter) "i–– i..."

em: dani mumbles something like i didn’t think it’d pan out like this i just wanted the cool gardener to think i was. semi normal

em: jamie waggles her eyebrows like cool gardener???

obsetress: dani bumps her shoulder into jamie's "shut up"

"don't think i will, actually"

em: jamie starts to v seriously eat her burger layer by layer. danis like ‘ur taking the mick!’ and jamies like (sheepish) naw i just. wanted to see what it’s like

---

em: every so often they’ll run into someone who went to school w jamie or knew her as a youth and they’re like ‘wow you’ve mellowed out heaps’

em: therapy queen

em: theyre in a pub and someone’s like ‘as i live and breathe! jamie taylor! i heard you died! someone told me you were arrested for (crime that becomes bigger and more outlandish w every new person)’ and jamies like ‘aye’ and they’re like

em: all sharing a beer at a quaint little pub n this old acquaintance from before has these v chaotic stories and danis like

em: jamie? my jamie? u must be confused. jamie goes to bed at 9:30pm watching antiques roadshow

obsetress: jamie just grins a lil

em: danis like haha jamie wow ur so mysterious and (she is already casing the joint for places to sneak off too)

---

em: damvibecca sittin in a circle passing a joint around

em: a nice thought

obsetress: Wholesome

obsetress: dani falls asleep first, with her head in jamie's lap and they're all just kinda vibin and rebecca gets up to get her a blanket or smth and vi's just kinda like

obsetress: "you're really good for her, you know"

obsetress: all quiet and pensive

em: jamie takes a loooooonng pause and she’s like. i was sceptical but. you’re good for becs too

em: and then even quieter she’s like

em: thanks

em: the softest thank u from one jamie taylor

obsetress: rebecca gets back and looks back n forth between the two of them

"why are you two being weird"

"we're not–- what?"

"we're just sitting here, baby"

obsetress: rebecca narrows her eyes

---

obsetress: jamie likes vi for becs because vi reminds her to live a little

obsetress: and can also keep up with her temperament because holy shit did jamie hate all of becca's bougie shit

em: jamie absolutely has um

em: like a repairs pile that shes gonna get around to Some Day re fixin clothes etc and

em: as much as i love 'rebecca and jamie worlds most calm and collected no drama couple' im defs toying with like

em: their ONE Big fight is beccs throws out the repairs pile

obsetress: "i was gonna––"

"no you WEREN'T, jamie!"

em: jamies like i The Tool I Needed is outta stock i had to- and becs is like? what, like you couldnt make do?

em: and even then when the heat dies down its still v calm and civil but like

em: FINALLY a lil dramatic angle to jamie rebecca

em: dani loves the repairs pile bc she loves a project

obsetress: she's also very content to let jamie have her silly little thing

obsetress: because it doesn't bother her and jamie is very good at keeping it in her space

obsetress: rebecca asks her about it one day and dani's like "oh i'm just glad she has a hobby :)"

em: couple times jamie's like. shes been tryna repair this one chair for months and eventually shes like

em: (swings axe) winters coming

obsetress: dani just watches with the dopiest grin

obsetress: jamie's all wot

obsetress: and dani's like

obsetress: :) you're hot :)

em: danis like hey i know its a brisk autumn but um

em: if u wanna

em: mimes taking shirt off

obsetress: jamie does it

obsetress: jamie rolling her eyes as she unbuttons the top couple buttons then tugs her shirt over her head

obsetress: but she's grinning

obsetress: dani sneaking up behind her as she's sorting the wood and just leaning into her bare back

obsetress: jamie jumps "oi!" and dani grins and nuzzles between her shoulders

---

obsetress: been having so many becca feelings in our rewatch

em: oh gosh

em: i love her she truly is a tragic character

obsetress: same

obsetress: i just want her to live happily ever after in her lil power lesbian outfits with her lil power lesbian wife

obsetress: like she needs someone who can MATCH her

obsetress: her energy and her intensity and her passion

obsetress: and like she and jamie can push each other to be better but jamie’s just kinda like “lemme chill n do my gay little tasks” yknow

em: ya and like they Worked but they worked Much better as friends than anything romantic

em: jamies the lesbian best friend that’s like girl. stop settling for mediocre men with accents

obsetress: yeah!

em: jamie ‘how soon is too soon to ask out my good friend rebecca jessel after her v messy break up w peter quint’ taylor

em: and then rebecca ends up being the one like ‘have you ever thought about us?’ while jamies agonising over it like four months later

em: rebeccas a little go getter and jamie needs a little bit of a shove sometimes

obsetress: jamie, surrounded by three shovers,

obsetress: rebecca says it so casually over dinner like she’s talking about the weather and jamie’s like !?

obsetress: i can also see like

obsetress: rebecca says that bit about "have you ever thought about us" at dinner and jamie blanches and second guesses everything they do "is....... is this a date" becca just shrugs "do you want it to be?"

em: jamies motormouthing like ok but i cannot stress enough that i was comforting you about ur break up in a friend way no ulterior motives way i am ur friend first and foremost and rebecca just like

em: lets her get it out of her system

em: ‘well what about my ulterior motives’

obsetress: she WOULD

obsetress: "did you ever consider that maybe i had ulterior motives"

em: jamie: (pursing her lips, furrowing her brow that way she does) you had a messy break up with peter quint….. to seduce me.

em: rebecca: mmhmm

obsetress: jamie: me?

obsetress: rebecca: well, maybe a couple of reasons, but... yeah. you were up there

---

em: after i asked out [ex] i spent ages agonising over when it would be appropriate to kiss her (i know...) and then one night at a party she’s like ‘so why haven’t u kissed me yet?’ and i’m like are u fucken. mate it takes two to tango

obsetress: oh my god?

em: drawing from that

em: jamie thinks they’re taking it slow (but not that slow) and rebecca is like girl what

em: ‘i never took you for old fashioned’

‘wot, me?’

'mmhm’

‘old fashioned?!’

‘well, you haven’t kissed me yet-‘

‘you haven't kissed me! i figured you wanted to take it slow after p-‘ and then rebecca like full on dips jamie and kisses her

em: rebeccas like always wanted to do that at least once lol

em: jamie is speechless for a couple minutes

obsetress: rEBECCA

---

obsetress: thinking thoughts rebecca jamie same height but rebecca heels

obsetress: jamie looking up @ her all

obsetress: rebecca in her heels and is chilly and jamie getting up onto her tip toes to wrap her big coat around rebecca's shoulders

em: softtt

[punkscowardschampions]

Ava & Grace

Ava: Please tell me you're free this weekend and if not please tell me you can make yourself available Grace: I obvs can be, why though?? Ava: Because Buster and Rio have imposed themselves on me Ava: or been imposed by my mum, anyway Ava: I was planning a party and they'll be way more chill if you come 'cos it's evidently not a rager Ava: but then we can still have a party and I don't have to kms/them 🙄 Grace: excuse you I can hang! but duh I will come cos you so wanna see your 💍👰 man, I see you babes Ava: You know what I mean though Ava: there's an assumption if fam is invited there's not also dealers and roadmen on the guestlist Ava: My brother is in an annoying mood and I cannot with that Ava: He won't be there, obviously 💍👰 Grace: 🙄 yeah Grace: UM tbh when is Buster not Grace: but I'll do the babysitting so you don't have to 👌👌 get you time to be 😍💖😘 Ava: Obvs it'll be good to see you too Ava: even if it clearly seems that shameless Grace: idc I'm that shameless at the prospect of hot london boys sooo Ava: 😂 Ava: I'll make sure there's plenty Grace: I'm not sorry that the accent is like !!! Ava: 😏 It's a fine line Grace: I'm walking a fine line here babes Grace: we don't even need to get into it Grace: get me on a ✈ literally Ava: Fair enough Ava: We can get into it when we've got into enough bottles Ava: They're coming over Friday at some point, ask 'em for the deets Grace: mhmm can't 🤐😶 me after the 🍾🍾 pops Grace: ugh Grace: texting Ri rn though Ava: Your accent is pretty !!! too so it's chill Ava: 🙌🙏 You're a lifesaver Grace: oh honey, you know boys love to hook up with me cos of my mouth but it's also what sends them running like Ava: Good thing it's just a weekend Ava: no time for running Grace: it's my turn ⏲🏃 Ava: Just not too soon, eh Grace: I got you, girl 💜 Grace: but we literally do need to get into what's going on with you & 👰💍 Grace: I'm so not waiting for you to make a 🍾 toast about him before I get any goss! Ava: I'm not planning on getting that wasted Ava: I don't even know where to start Ava: it's really gone 0-100 since we last spoke Grace: 😱😱😱 OMG! 👌 did you hit him up or did he hit you up?? Ava: Well Ava: Speaking of shameless Ava: I did legitimately lose a bracelet that night but I didn't really need to ask him if he'd seen it/could check for me Grace: your [expensive brand 1 that idk] or the [expensive bracelet 2]? Ava: My [expensive brand 3 plot twist] Ava: I got it for my birthday, actually Ava: Anyway, he rang everywhere up but obviously it was long gone, who isn't taking that if they can but I didn't even care 'cos it got us talking again and it was Ava: he wanted to see me the next day, so we arranged to meet at lunch Ava: but before I went to school, I got a delivery and he'd replaced the bracelet Ava: I was like...what Grace: OMG AVA! Grace: that's so cute Grace: he's so Grace: LITERALLY OMG Ava: He really is Ava: and he says the most amazing things and it doesn't just feel like talk but Ava: obviously, it's always going to be complicated, there's no way it can't be, he's said that too and I know it Grace: I'm totally shook Grace: like I thought this would be a one off, obvs no shade Grace: I'm definitely babysitting for you now! Ava: Me too Ava: it's ridiculous but somehow not Ava: not when we're talking like we've always known each other or when he's here Grace: how are you even living a 💖📽🎞 rn like ???!! Ava: I know like fully someone is gonna yell cut or jump out on me and tell me it's just a prank Grace: you literally have to get him over at yours before your parents come back Ava: Hopefully Ava: He can definitely do Monday, so I need Buster and Rio fully distracted then Ava: Friday is up in the air so I'll just let you know when it's safe for you to all head over, yeah? Grace: 💜🤞 Grace: I'll have the freakout that's SO overdue about my own love life Grace: once I start 😭😭😭💔 I can go for hours duh Ava: 🏆 to Miss Grace Cavante Grace: like it's not a lie 💜🙏 there IS a boy & I AM freaking out, I just don't need their advice about any of it 🙄🙄 Ava: Hint taken, no advice but I'm all ears 😶👂 Grace: it's fine you're not really old & 💖😍 smug & just GROSS Ava: Cheers, babe 😏 Ava: Lay it on me then Grace: ugh I can't even Grace: he's just not Grace: he's not any kind of boy I know how to deal with Ava: What's he like then? Grace: like he wants to talk to me?? but actually not just 😏😘!? Ava: Like you're a human? Ava: Where'd you meet him? Grace: at the gym so I was LITERALLY blindsided cos every lad in there is so 💪🤳🏻 Ava: + 1 for not being that kinda douche Grace: but if he was I wouldn't have to leave every 🗨 like ✔ Ava: You don't know what to say Grace: duh what can I even Ava: Well, if you have nothing in common, not a lot Ava: but you gotta do some talking before you can find out if it's worth doing any more, like Grace: ive gotta run away so thanks for the party invite, babes Grace: v well timed tbh Ava: You can do that too Grace: yeah Ava: Why not give it a shot though Ava: you clearly wanna, even with the freaking out Grace: UM hello?? do you not remember the cringefest that was my life not that long ago?! Ava: We've all made questionable choices Grace: & now I'm doing this thing™ where I like don't make a total fool of myself 24 7 Ava: Can't relate, clearly 😂 Grace: well you're in a rom com sooo Ava: Yeah and we could be about to see me 💔💀 eating my weight in ice cream Grace: that would barely be a 🍦🍨 binge 👌👌👌 Grace: & boys don't just buy bracelets cos they're lost Grace: this bitch can't get a boy to do the clasp on her necklace Ava: They do regret in almost instantly though Ava: maybe he thought I was guilting him or some shit Grace: if he thought that he wouldn't still be 😍😍😍 Grace: which he obvs is Ava: It's a headfuck but hey Ava: what ain't Grace: mhmmm Grace: you're about it though Ava: He's a really good guy Ava: I'm aware how naive that sounds given but still Grace: he can be a good guy & bad for his 👰💍 Grace: or she's bad for him Grace: some couples don't work, can't even Ava: She's Ava: a whole other story Grace: how well do you know her? Ava: Her reputation preceeds her in a lot of ways Ava: and I know some of it as fact, basically so Grace: Ew Grace: she sounds so #goals honestly 🙄 Ava: You have no idea Ava: but there's nothing I can do about it Grace: it's the worst Ava: yeah Grace: anything else I can do I totally will Ava: Thanks, babe 💙 Ava: all you need to do is distract, and we'll have a good time to celebrate Grace: 💜 Grace: seriously looking forward to it Ava: Me too Ava: I'll invite every hot boy I know Grace: ILY you know Ava: Duh 😏 Ava: ily too but save it for the 🥂 Grace: 🙏 that's all I say Grace: I don't 💕 gym boy Ava: Just chatting about your 😍 Ava: stop me mentioning mine, please 🙄 Grace: shh no Grace: I wanna hear everything about yours Grace: & your lunch date, thanks Ava: Okay, that was pretty cute Ava: so he picked me up from school in an uber so we got to make the most of the limited time we had Ava: then we went to get coffee and tried like everything on the menu Ava: and we watched a kinda dumb kinda everything film and you know Grace: it's SO rude that he's already married & you can't 💍 him cos that's such a MOOD Grace: like okay never tell Jimmy about the whole menu cos he'll khs but whatever Ava: I know, had to tip the baristas and the uber driver so handsomely Ava: but it was worth it Grace: I can relate, mine have definitely 👀 some shit 😂😂 Grace: less worth it though & obvs not as recently 🙏😇 Ava: I'm sure they found it entertaining Ava: miss it, if anything Grace: 🤷💅 Grace: but for real, I don't Grace: not my reputation & everything Grace: though if your bf's wife can get a 💍 there's obvs hope still Ava: Good Ava: for real Ava: you don't need any of that bullshit Ava: oh girl please 🙄 Ava: you ain't about to force a marriage Ava: or even more shaming, have your parents come together to force a marriage Grace: declaring myself a no fuckboy zone has been good Grace: even if that does mean staying single cos duh Ava: There's far worse things in life to be 🤷 Grace: yeah like I thought it would be the WORST but Ava: Can't be worse than fuckboys Grace: true Ava: even the ones that ain't Ava: or seem like more Ava: total headfuck Grace: preach! literally living my BEST life until gym boy got on my radar and got me like !!?? Grace: 🙄🙄 Ava: yeah Ava: tell me about it Grace: gonna have to put my phone under 🔐 somewhere when we're 🥂💃 Ava: Confiscated at the door, naturally Grace: yours too so you don't call up a divorce lawyer for your boyfriend 😂 Ava: not even funny Ava: 😏 Grace: sorry babes Ava: it would be funny if it weren't true Ava: not for my sake though Grace: I know Grace: I can't even imagine how tragic he's living Grace: ugh Ava: It's genuinely fucked Ava: and like, not in a 'he's told me to get in my pants' vibe Ava: you can tell, even without the full story Grace: & like there's little kids involved it's so 💔 Ava: I don't even know how to feel about them Ava: or if I should think about them Grace: I don't know if you'll be able to not Grace: think about them Grace: & not just cos like he has to Grace: cos you're you Ava: They'll never know Ava: so I don't have to feel bad Grace: 💜🤞 Ava: It sounds like their mum's whole vibe Ava: and their relationship Ava: is like, Ava: enough trouble Ava: I'm not gonna bring anything else to the table for any of them Grace: well yeah she sounds like an evil 👑!!! Ava: She is Ava: was Ava: Ugh, idk Grace: you're not gonna tell me who they are like EVER, are you?! Ava: I can't Grace: it's okay Grace: like it's soo not but I'm not gonna be that bitch about it Grace: or any of your secrets Ava: You can fill in the blanks Ava: it's not as if anyone is gonna know so put whatever hot face suits Grace: I'm here, just like tell me what you wanna tell me, yeah? Grace: no drama Ava: 😘 Ava: I know its so frustrating though, I'd feel it too no doubt Grace: it's this fam & our track record with secrets getting me worried Ava: I know Ava: it's Ava: nothing to worry about Ava: I've got it Grace: just keep hitting me up whenever you need to 👌👌 cos that's something else none of us obvs ever do Grace: & everything's such a mess literally always Ava: I know Ava: I bet Edie would have some advice Ava: super dubious Grace: 🙄🙄 Grace: she'd have taken the bracelet & ✌ out Ava: Honestly Ava: is that not the right thing to do tbh Grace: duh depends how hot he is Ava: I doubt he'd be much her type Grace: I'd totally have to hook up with him though Grace: sorry not sorry Ava: 🙄 Grace: 😂 Ava: Ugh, I need to start drinking now Grace: what's he doing? invite him out Ava: He's with his family Grace: then he'll definitely wanna come Ava: Stop Grace: okay sorry 🤐😶 Ava: It's fine Ava: I am gonna go though, gotta get ready Grace: I should totally pick & pack a party outfit or I'll never be able to decide on a make up look Ava: Get busy, babe Grace: mhmmm Grace: you too hun Ava: 💙

[punkscowardschampions]

Carly & Ali

Carly: last nite was good of you Carly: saying thanks cuz i read my text from last nite & it was Carly: I cudnt read it k thats facts Ali: nah, don't mention it, no bitch left behind Ali: plus, I know the cunt doing the ditching, been there, like Ali: was trying to translate but yeah, you were pretty fucked 😂 Ali: how you feeling this am? 💚 Carly: yea? hes not that bad Carly: im a slag like he said tbh Carly: feeling like i had a decent nite all things considered Carly: you? Ali: Gurl, yes he is and no you ain't! Ali: Probably Ali: Who cares if you are, he is, and the rest Ali: I dated him for a bit, so there's no shady, tryna steal your man on the sly going on, don't worry Ali: much the same, my head feels like someone took my eyes out and shoved 'em up my arse, you know? Ali: standard sunday vibes Carly: aw you're sweet but it's no diss on me Carly: like ive cheated on him a few times Carly: but he does it too you're right w that Carly: hes a good fuck when he's not too wasted tho which you kno if you got it too Carly: you're single now tho? Carly: can have him back if you want Ali: Fair play Ali: why not call it open and call it a day? Ali: Probs 'cos he likes fighting as much as he likes fucking Ali: Meh, yeah, was passable, gotta have some reason to keep him around, like Ali: Nah, going out with the girl that drove us back Ali: Remember? Dark hair, angry Carly: yea Carly: you know Carly: shit my bad Carly: she was scary is what i've got in my head Carly: idk my head is sketch cant trust it Ali: That's a fair assessment, I reckon Ali: She wouldn't hate it either so you good 😉 Carly: pretty tho Carly: call it a trade up Ali: Yeah, she's cute Ali: you need any more of the night filling in lemme know, I'll do my best Ali: it was pretty standard though, nothing too wild Carly: no faking it w her cuz shes too drunk Carly: designated driver be like Carly: last i see i was getting with his friend lowkey and he went off about it im blank from then Ali: its a fucking gay crime to ever fake it, no matter what Ali: I can get behind that one tho, not got the time or energy tbh Ali: yeah i think him and his friend then got in a scrap and then they left Ali: bros before hoes mentality hardcore, like idk, have fun jerking each other off then, if that's ur vibe boys Carly: k that sounds legit from what i caught on his socials Carly: didnt upload the circle jerk bless Carly: gay crimes must of been committed Ali: sad face Ali: coulda spat on his back Ali: protip Carly: ill let him know when he texts me later Carly: how did you kno where i live? state of me Carly: sorry to drag you this way Ali: plottwist, i'm a massive stalker with bad intentions Ali: I truly don't know, but I'll tell Lene she should be a cabbie 'cos she managed and I don't think we got any puke in her car Carly: k big lesbian crush on me yea Carly: ioher lots Carly: stealing her girl and wrecking her car in one Ali: Naturally, you cute Ali: I'll give you her number if you like, or just pass along the thanks and soz Carly: awh you're cuter Carly: probs still drunk tho Carly: giving me those kind words Carly: you handle the now ex if you love me Ali: Hahaha, he'd LOVE that Ali: ghosts of gf past Ali: Let me and I'll love you forever Carly: go for it Ali: let's see if I've still got his number Ali: this contact list is a minefield of mistakes but the real embarrassment would be getting them muddled up, fo'shame! Carly: i can give it Carly: used it more recently than you Carly: up there at my top Ali: won't be tellin' him that Ali: don't need the ego boost Ali: but tah Carly: makes it more fun to fuck him over if you praise him first Carly: but maybe thats me Ali: like a shit sandwich Ali: I get it Carly: hungry for anything but that rn Carly: [Sends the number tho] Ali: wanna come for brunch Ali: now you are newly gay Ali: that's what they do, fucking sex in the city up in dis bitch Carly: yea? weird Carly: not what i thought Carly: awh first date tho Ali: forreal, even the butch ones, don't let 'em fool you, its all fancy fucking eggs and screwdrivers by 11am Ali: you call 'em mimosas tho, gotta pretend you're being classy Carly: wtf is a screwdriver Ali: Babe! Ali: Vodka and orange juice Carly: i call it that Carly: gays and their labels Ali: save it for the rant sesh honey Ali: love you talking about how men ain't shit as well Carly: thats the ones i fuck Carly: cant be bringing no poshos to a caravan Ali: Posh boys are only good for the money anyway, I'm sure Ali: not finding any in 24 like regardless Carly: not gonna find out if they do drive by now im a lesbian wife Carly: sorry lads Ali: they had their chance Ali: unlucky boys Carly: should prob tell me your name again if im taking it Ali: Ruins the mystery a bit but alright Ali: Its Ali Ali: Ali McKenna if we're being formal Carly: k you've got the hot brothers Carly: makes sense Ali: 🤔 Ali: I think you're thinking of someone else, babe Carly: not trying to have our first fight but you coulda told me before we got hitched, bitch Carly: you're still hot tho don't be sad Ali: so you could run off with one of my brothers? i think not Ali: unless you meant Tommy 'cos he's very single but that's unlikely because he's never here Ali: stuck with me for now, hoe 😘 Carly: a slag like me could do worse Carly: has Ali: bitch, same Ali: we can compare notes, see how many regrets we got in common Carly: yea Carly: doing it Ali: Good, save it for brunch 'cos I'm coming forreal Ali: we don't have to deal with a gaggle of gossiping gays tho, bring you a maccies breakfast? Carly: k Carly: be fun Carly: you are from what i remember Ali: I like that Ali: No bullshit Ali: Imma start all interactions like be fun please or I'm out Ali: ✌ bringing the fun and the bacon babe Carly: you're not bringing your gf are you Ali: Nah, how awkward, meet the missus, honey Carly: like there's usually a lad in my trio sorry Carly: still learning this lesbian life Ali: oh, are you bi legit? Ali: she's way too jealous for threesomes, you're good Carly: nah i just know what lads want Ali: Oh gurl Ali: that's why Lene ain't coming Ali: the lecture you're avoiding Carly: idc Carly: youre my wife now bitch Ali: 💍💍 Ali: Productive morning, if I do say so myself Ali: and we're hanging, fuck with us Carly: good influence of you cuz i havent done fuck all this week Ali: Hard work being a bi icon, babe Ali: wait 'til I get you on the yoga hype Carly: wtf Carly: is that a joke Ali: nah, I've already done half an hour this morning Carly: bitch i had my fingers crossed you mistyped yogurt Carly: i love you but its a no Ali: 😂 lets be really into yogurt, not fancy stuff, like fucking froobs Carly: phallic Carly: slurping on my dick shaped yogurt Ali: exactly Ali: what do men love more than a representation of their genitals shoved in your mouth? nothing, is the answer, bar the real thing Ali: so seductive Carly: they don't like food in bed tho, but maybe thats my technique Carly: thinking you could use whatever Carly: k just gonna dump this curry out yea bear with Ali: spicy Ali: imagine the yeast infection you'd get from a fromage frais Carly: like sorry but if i can handle cum in my eye you can deal with some saag aloo boy Carly: googling those symptoms would be a laff tho Ali: ugh, now i want indian Carly: date 2, babe Ali: 😍 Ali: this is all moving so fast Ali: 'bout it Carly: thats all i kno about lesbians k Ali: Its so true Ali: Can confirm Carly: is your gf gonna be mad that im flirting with you Carly: cuz im scrappy but she's scary Ali: 😂 Ali: Probably but when I tell her you're straight she'll have to chill Ali: yeah, we're married BUT SHE'S STRAIGHT, BABE Carly: can't tell her how many girls ive fucked cuz i dont remember Carly: convenient Ali: Best keep that on the DL, yeah Ali: like your blatant gay feelings for me Carly: k Carly: been a secret before no big Ali: Awh babe, ain't nothing dirty about this Ali: I shall tell the world Carly: you're sweet Ali: Probably not if you still wanna be getting that D but you know, noblest intentions, like Carly: im over it Carly: go off Ali: when your pussy's the cure Ali: how can I be humble now? 😏 Carly: dont be Carly: proud slags who fucking love froobs Carly: its a mood Ali: that is a whole ass mood Ali: put it on a t-shirt, babe Carly: earn some bread for my table Ali: solid business plan Ali: we can't be the only ones Carly: independent women who don't need no dick Carly: anymore Ali: hell yeah! Ali: unless that dick wanna pay the bills, in which case we'll let 'em Ali: so we can get more froobs Carly: point Ali: oh no, someone put a pic of Molly Briggs vomming on Insta Ali: 1. gross 2. who hasn't been there, poor bitch Carly: sad Carly: hope she's alright Ali: I'd ask but don't really know her and her phone must already be blowing up Ali: plus she threw a netball right in my face once and I don't forget, bitch Ali: jk, I'll just report the pic 😂 Carly: they all call me a whore cba to keep track of which mollys or other bitches Ali: She is a bit of a bitch, ain't gonna sugarcoat it so probably Ali: not saying Karmas real but posted on that friggin' TallaghtSlags page so 🤷 Ali: grab a froob, darling Carly: her name makes me wanna party with her dad but thats as far as im fucking with that family Carly: or mum i dont know who picked it like Ali: Init, proper old skool ravers, obvs Ali: think I'm out of eccies, sadly Ali: last night depleted me Carly: Watch me call my son Bennie cos I got anxiety, baby Ali: Cute tho, whole medicine cabinet of babies Carly: why not im married now Ali: We'll get on that, date 3, like Carly: where you taking me? Ali: up the wheyyyyyyyyyy Ali: well, we had brunch, indian, obvs we're fat bitches Ali: get on that chinese buffet life Carly: you can get on your yoga mat tho Carly: im fucked Carly: letting myself go so soon my bad Ali: Please, you're perfect Ali: I'll have all the kids if you want Carly: blushing is what i am Carly: how many you want? Ali: how many people names are there for drugs? molly bennie mandy charlie umm Ali: and our preachy child, frank Carly: ha Carly: tina that's one Ali: Ooh, yes, a gay icon Carly: billy, bud our weak child, cosmic kelly who's gonna have to style that out Ali: oh kelly, I hope you have the personality to match or we've really fucked you over there, soz babe Carly: can't forget dimitri, lucy or mandy Carly: sweet sweet mary joy Ali: My fanny hurts just thinking about it Carly: christine and tina are obvs twins thats a relief Carly: how manys that? Ali: 13 Ali: Unlucky for some but my actual lucky number! Ali: Fated Carly: ha Carly: it's love and keeps being proven Ali: can't fight what's clearly so right Carly: true Ali: you want a milkshake Ali: i'm having one Carly: yea Carly: strawberry Ali: 'cos u so sweet 💚 Carly: awww Ali: I shall be right there, with brunch fit for a pair of proud slags Carly: k Carly: my parents arent here no need to break the news of wedded bliss Ali: Would be a weird first impression but I could rock it Ali: new fave in-law? I think so Carly: yea Carly: cant fight fate like Carly: been said Ali: forreal, catch me outside if you got something to say, lads Ali: alone time with the bae is always good tho Carly: you kno Carly: love you bitch Ali: love ya 😘