#and i realised that maybe it isn't typical behaviour to scorn at those creatives in books who agonise over
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i just realised that it might be a little strange that for a person with limitless creative drive, i have very little creative ambition?
#my sister asked me if i had any desire to leave my mark on the world#and i realised that maybe it isn't typical behaviour to scorn at those creatives in books who agonise over#being remembered when they're gone? i've done that since i was a child#i always thought it was contrived#but apparently it's a real thing and it's just so far for my experience that i never realised it wasn't just made up#what the fuck#now i'm having a bit of an existential crisis#i have always been a bit insecure about my lack of creative juices#i've always been better at reproducing than making out of nothing#but i've trained those muscles too#to some extent at least#but i still just do my things because they're fun!#not for external validation#although that's good too#feels nice man#but the internal validation i get from satisfying my creative urges is more important#and my creative urges can be satisfied by finding someone who's done something great and latching onto them and going#look !!!! they get it!!!!!#and then obsessing over them for one thousand years#internal monologue
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