#and i keep trying to fix that too and im still dirt fucking broke all the time

[oddaodd]

· Maimed ·

Summary: Tommy finds out Y/n had to resort to prostitution while he was away at war and doesn't handle it well. 

Author’s note: This was requested by the lovely @idgaf2022  and I just gotta say I fell in love with this request and Im very happy with how it turned out . As always, I wish you all the loveliest of days. ❤️

Warnings: mentions of prostitution, war and an accident with a knife.

·

“When where you going to tell me?” Came his voice void of all emotion. His eyes piercing through her skin.

“Tell you what?” She smiled. Her mind refusing to believe she knew what he was talking about.

“I was at The Garrison today” he began There was a man, a man I had never seen before. He spun such yarns about you ” he paused and took a look at Y/n’s face. Her smile long gone. She knew what he was talking about.

“At first I though he must be stupid to come up with such stories about my wife in my pub, but then when nobody  believed him, he mentioned the scar you have under your ribs” he spoke pointing at the place where she evidently had a scar.

“Tommy… I..I” But she couldn’t find the words, they were all held back by the knot in her throat.

The war had been hell. Everyone had lived through it differently. Tommy and his brothers and many other men had had to go and fight and Y/n and Polly and Ada and many other women had had to stay behind and run the country while the men were gone. They were dark times abundant with need and scarceness.  Y/n had tried her best to keep her and tommy’s baby daughter, Josephine away from need and hunger. Having just gotten married and had their baby, Y/n had her hands tied. She tried to help Polly as much as she could at the shop but sometimes there just wasn’t enough money which lead Y/n to charging fro her company to the men who didn’t serve. All for Jo’s sake.

When Tommy came back she never mentioned it, ready to put it behind her and every night she prayed for Tommy to never find out. All her customers had been from outside of Birmingham after all.  

“Did you seriously think I’d never find out?”

“No” she began, taking his hands in her shaky ones she wanted to, but she knew she couldn’t hide it forever. “No, but I just… I just didn’t know If I wanted you to know. I felt so ashamed and I didn’t want to bring it up when I knew I would never have to do it again. Things were hard when you left …”

“ It must have been such a sacrifice” he muttered bitterly and snatched his hands away from hers.

“How dare you?” she spat “You have no idea of how hard it was when you were away, the money from the shop just wasn’t enough!”

“Oh I bet” he said sarcastically “You’ve never liked sleeping alone.”

“Thomas...” she warned dumbfounded on the verge of tears. She couldn’t believe her own husband was making her feel like shit.

But he ignored her tone and her hurt features “Needed someone to keep your bed warm while I was away” he spat mercilessly “Or maybe you just missed the feeling of someone between your legs”

At his venomous words Y/n saw her own hand moving in slow motion before it crashed against Tommy’s cheek. She couldn’t handle him to keep talking like that, digging up a past she tried so hard to burry deep down. Her lips parted at her own actions.

When Tommy’s unchanging face fixed upon her again he noticed the tears that had so vehemently threatened to spill had finally succeed in doing so. Triggering a feeling of deep guilt deep within his soul.

“Fuck you” she spoke in a maimed voice. Tommy prepared himself for more verbal retaliation from her, but she left the room without another word and a few minutes later he heard the engine of a car shortly followed by the sound of tires moving on the gravel.

It was only then when Tommy realized he had maybe taken it too far. He wasn’t acting out of hatred. When he heard the bloke talking about how well Y/N felt snd bragging about having fucked Thomas Shelby’s wife, he felt his anger rise to levels he hadn’t known till before that unfaithful night. The man, obviously was dead before Tommy began heading home.

Nasty emotions had been festering in his mind with every kilometer he drove and when he saw Y/n when he arrived home, it all exploded.He was angry, not necessarily at Y/n, but angry at what she had done, angry at himself. He hated that he couldn’t have avoided what lead to Y/n having to do what she had done.

Y/n avoided her husband to her best efforts for the following week. Polly took her and her daughter in when she knocked crying on her door. Y/n couldn’t shake the nasty feelings Thomas had awoken within her. She couldn’t stand more than an hour without breaking into tears and her heart broke every time her little Jo looked at her with worried eyes, ignorant of what she was going through. It wasn’t something a 7 year old should know about.

Polly understood Y/n’s pain and helped her take care of Jo when she couldn’t find the strength to get out of bed.

“Your mummy’s tired. Let’s let her rest”

She had been there with her all along and when Y/n had asked her to keep her secret all those years ago, Polly obliged without question. She knew her nephew wouldn’t comprehend.

Days went by slow, heavy and cold. One Friday evening, pol had taken Jo to the movies giving Y/n a little time for herself.

Oddly enough, she felt like cooking so she made her way downstairs and began making vegetable soup. After half an hour or so she heard the front door opening.

“Was the film good?” She asked loudly hoping to hear the sound of Jo’s voice, but when she heard the footsteps coming closer to the kitchen she immediately identified them as Tommy’s  

“Please go away” she asked in such a broken voice that made Tommy contemplate on going away to not cause her further discomfort, but he stayed because he knew he had to make it right.

“We should talk” he said in an uncertain voice standing at a respectable distance from his wife.

“I don’t want to talk” she spoke shakily. Goosebumps suddenly taking over her body.

“I’m so sorry Y/n, I..”

“You made me feel like dirt” she stated as she heard his footsteps drawing nearer to her with his uncharacteristic apology.

“I spent so much time forcing myself to be alright with what I had to do keep Jo and I alive  and then to try and forget all about it when you came back” a  heavy breath holding back her years as she began chopping a carrot.

“But now you brought it back up and I... I feel so filthy, I’ve showered three times today and I don’t feel any better.” She continued as the first tears rolled down her cheeks.

“Y/n “He began softly placing a testing hand on her waist. She shook it away.

“Look at me” he pleaded

But Y/n shook her head no. Knowing he was in no place to reproach, he respected her unwillingness to look at him and spoke.

“Im so sorry, Y/n. I was selfish and didn’t stop to think about what you were feeling”

Y/n’s body continued to shake with silent sobs

“I now know I was in no place to judge what you had to do to survive and  I won’t ever forgive myself for making you hurt like this”

“Yeah you were in no place” y/n spat with sudden anger as she continued cutting the vegetables with tears in her eyes “Not when you didn’t even stop to ask me and decided to just listen to the part of the story some bloke told you and not...” she hadn’t noticed the force she was putting into her cutting skills until the knife grazed her finger.  

She yanked her hand away from the cutting board with a wince and immediately went to grab a piece of cloth to  wrap her finger in.

“Fuck, y/n” Tommy said coming to her side when he heard her wince. “Are you alright?”

She shook her head no and he knew she wasn’t answering about the cut.

“Please look at me” he tried again and to his surprise this time Y/n did tilt her face to face him.

The sight of her bloodshot eyes tore cracks in Tommy’s heart. And his hands shook a little when he cupped her face, a few tears threatening to spill from his eyes.

“I love you Y/n” he professed looking into her eyes.”I’m so sorry I was so crass about it. And I promise you’ll never have to do that ever again. I’ll keep you safe”

At his words Y/n’s hands went to his. She understood and accepted his repentance, but it did little to soften the pain she felt. Tommys hands then went to tuck a few strands of her loose hair behind her ear his eyes still set on hers.

Y/n then succumbed to the sudden need she felt for his touch and embraced him with uncertain arms. Tommy corresponded instantly wrapping his own arms around her fragile figure.  After a few moments of silence and much needed touch, he asked to her ear if she could ever forgive him.

“Yes” she spoke weakly but she wasn’t entirely certain she meant it. She wanted to forgive him but she didn’t know if she could ever forget his hateful words. Tommy knew it well enough.

·

@captivatedbycillianmurphy @nyotamalfoy @peakyxtommy @writeroutoftime @lilymurphy03

[studiesinmodernmovement]

okay okay i never thought i’d end up making a tumblr but, here we are. these two idiots broke me, i swear. Anyways, here are my top three trobed songs and analysis on Why lol:

1. We’re Going to Be Friends - The White Stripes.

Okay hear me out. I know they’re not little kids just becoming friends in kindergarten, BUT this song is so incredibly soft and cute for a “fell-in-love-with-my-best-friend” song. It just fits them, really. I mean, “We will rest upon the ground / And look at all the bugs we found / Safely walk to school without a sound” if that’s not peak repressed season one trobed then idk what is. They’re in love your honor. “Here we are, no one else / We walk to school all by ourselves / There’s dirt on our uniforms / From chasing all the ants and worms / We clean up and now its time to learn” They’re together, and honestly that’s all that matters to them. They have a beautiful friendship going on, they have fun together and they don’t care what anyone else thinks. They just need each other to be happy. “Playtime we will throw the ball / Back to class, through the hall / Teacher marks our height against the wall” They’re growing up together, and people realize. Not that it matters to them, though. They have their own little world. “And we don’t notice any time pass / We don’t notice anything / We sit side by side in every class / Teacher thinks that i sound funny / But she likes the way you sing” They’re so blinded by their love for each other that the rest of the world is just a blurry mess. Nothing matters but being together and basking in their relationship. They just want to be with each other, any chance they get. They are Gay.

2. Young Folks - Peter Bjorn and John.

Shut up this song is so fluffy trobed it actually hurts. Everything about it. “If i told you things i did before / Tell you how i used to be / Would you go along with someone like me?” We all know Troy was a huge jock in high school, and he probably took part in the whole shoving-weird-kids-into-lockers thing. Maybe he’s nervous about Abed thinking differently of him, and he wonders if they would still be friends had Abed known him in high school. “It doesn’t matter what you did / Who you were hanging with / We could stick around and see this night through” Abed doesn’t care who Troy used to be, he’s changed and thats partly thanks to him actually letting him be himself. Troy had to be like that in high school, that’s what was expected from him, being a football player and all of that crap. Abed knows the real Troy, and so his past doesn’t really matter to him. He likes present Troy, and that’s what’s important. “Usually when things have gone this far / People tend to dissapear / No one will surprise me unless you do” Abed is used to people leaving when they realize they can’t “fix” him. They think he’s too weird, or he’s not capable of human emotion, or simply that he’s not right in the head. But not Troy. Troy sticks around and listens to him infodumping about Kickpuncher and Batman and Cougar Town and Inspector Spacetime. He’s patient, and he actually listens to him. Him looking like a lovesick puppy never registers in Abed’s mind. “And we don’t care about the young folks / Talking bout their young style / And we don’t care about the old folks / Talking bout their old style too / And we don’t care about their own faults / Talking bout our own style / All that we care about is talking / Talking only me and you” Troy and Abed are aware that people talk about them. They’re aware that they’re different from everyone else, but they don’t really care. They just care about being together, any way they can.

3. The Adults Are Talking - The Strokes.

Look, i could go on for hours analyzing this song and how i think its a perfect fit for trobed, but, for the sake of simplicity, i’ll keep it short. So like first of all just the name of the song. The Adults Are Talking. How many times have Troy and Abed been referred to as children by other people? Everyone thinks they’re immature, and im pretty sure that in any serious conversation they would get stepped on. People are just crappy like that. Then we have the chorus, “Don’t go there ‘cause you’ll never return / I know you think of me when you think of her / But then it don’t make sense when you’re trying hard / To do the right thing but without recompense / And then you did something wrong and you said it was great / And now you don’t know how you could ever complain / Because you’re all confused ‘cause you want me too / But then you want me to do it the same as you” like dude. DUDE. This is clearly about Troy going on that stupid boat (I hate that boat i hate it i hate it so much. Thats another post though.) and Abed staying behind. I mean, we all kinda know that Abed is scared of Troy never returning, after all it is a possibility, and it must be heartbreaking. Then we have the whole Britta thing, that was comphet and i’ll die on this hill. There is no way that Troy didn’t think about Abed everytime he thought about his relationship with Britta, it’s actually shown in several episodes that he was constantly worried about Abed even when he actually was with Britta physically. So, thats canon. If i think that he was secretly pining over Abed and wishing that He was the one he was kissing then that’s on me i guess. Then back to Troy’s trip, he thought it was the right thing to do, and he’s trying. He’s trying so hard to find himself, find out who he really is and what that means for everything in his life. He has to become his own man, or whatever P*erce said (screw P*erce i hate him so much man), but he’s struggling. He looked so sure getting on that boat, but it would be unrealistic not to assume that he misses everyone. The Study Group, Neil, even Leonard. And of course, Abed. Was it really worth it to give all of that up? But of course he can’t complain, he’s gonna win millions of dollars!! well screw money and screw capitalism he found his soulmate you fucking asshole oh my god i hate P*erce. Anyways i could go on for hours about this song but im gonna stop now. Maybe i’ll make a separate post about it. Maybe.

Anyways that was me dumping my thoughts and love for music onto all of you. Bye bye.

[magniloquent-raven]

Number 73 "take mine" I'm thinking jacket sharing with Harringrove (either offering the jacket) if you have time!! 💖 💖

so. it’s not jacket sharing, i hope that’s okay!! and it’s actually a sequel to your first prompt? @bambixxblue and i were talking about a fix-it sequel where billy comes back and im weak for fix-its so i ended up with this. it’s. angsty. but also. soft? idk, i hope u like it anyway!!

basically the premise is billy and hopper were both in russia and had to break out together. posted on ao3

—-

Max turned seventeen three weeks ago. It’s hard to keep track of the days sometimes but Billy’s pretty sure he’s right. It’s hard to wrap his brain around Max being seventeen. When he pictures her in his head she’s still a bratty twelve-year-old with skinned knees who doesn’t know when to shut her mouth.

He tells Hop. Tells him about the birthdays he was there for, wonders about the ones he wasn’t. Cries a little too. Funny how easy it is to do that now. It used to be an ordeal, would burn and claw at him until he broke. He’s too exhausted for that nowadays, lets his tears fall unfettered and ignores the shame that still sneaks up on him when he does.

They have to be quiet, always afraid of being caught again. Billy’s constantly looking over his shoulder, jumping at shadows. It’s stupid to risk it, for something so trivial, but he can’t stop the words from spilling out.

“You miss her.” It’s not a question. Hop doesn’t ask that kind of shit, he just knows. Which is why Billy doesn’t respond. Doesn’t have to.

He pats Billy’s shoulder awkwardly. It’s the clumsy kind of affection a father is supposed to offer and it sets Billy off again, tears dripping down his nose and cutting streaks through the dirt smeared on his cheeks.

They’re holed up in an abandoned warehouse this time. Waiting. Always waiting. The plan is to stow away in the next cargo hold with enough space but in the meantime they’re fugitives, laying low wherever they can find empty, forgotten places.

Hop tells him about El while they wait. Billy’s heard most of his stories by now, but he listens anyway. Listens to the wobble in his voice as he talks about teaching El to read, hears the question under it all, about whether he’ll ever see her again.

Billy wishes he had an answer.

~~

The first time Billy set foot in Hawkins, Indiana, he was seventeen, angry and wanting nothing more than to be anywhere else.

It’s three days after his twenty-second birthday the second time. An icy December evening, dark and windy. He’s exhausted. He hasn’t eaten in two days. He’s a patchwork tapestry of scars that weren’t there before, a battered effigy of the person he used to be, cobbled together with scraps of what he could salvage.

Hawkins is the same unremarkable, rinky-dink town it always was. Seeing it again is a relief and a punch in the gut all at once. It’s all he’s wanted for three years, but it’s terrifying.

They end up in Loch Nora, of all places. The Byers’ old house was empty, and going too far into town is risky. 

It doesn’t feel real. Standing on Steve Harrington’s front porch, suddenly all too aware of the layer of sweat and grime on his skin. This place is too clean, too quiet. Peaceful, in a way that can’t be true.

Billy chews on his thumbnail, stands behind Hopper while he bangs on the door. There are no cars in the driveway, which means at the very least Steve’s parents won’t answer the door. But there’s no guarantee that Steve even lives here anymore.

He’s getting antsy, glancing around, heart pounding.

Then the door swings open.

Billy is seventeen, half-drunk and stinking like beer, colder than he’ll let on because fucking Indiana and its shitty weather, wiping the drool from his chin when he spots him across a room, already half in love by the time he’s clambered over a couch to get a closer look.

He blinks. He’s twenty-two, pale and shivering, thumbnail still between his teeth, and Steve Harrington’s doe eyes still make him weak in the knees.

Steve’s hair is longer, brushing his shoulders, but other than that he doesn’t look any different. Except that he isn’t looking at Billy with thinly veiled contempt or anger.

“Hey, kid.” Hopper says. “Gonna let us inside, or what?”

Steve is silent. Staring, lips parted. One hand still on the doorknob, the other slack at his side. He sways dangerously, and Billy tenses, prepared to catch him if he falls over. He doesn’t, but Billy’s still itching to touch him.

“Am I dreaming?” Steve blurts, looking dazed, unable to decide who to look at and ending up unfocused and hazy.

Yeah, it’s me, don’t cream your pants. The memory feels like someone else’s. A lifetime ago.

Billy bites down on his lip, battling an inexplicable, and slightly hysterical, urge to laugh.

“Dream about me often, Harrington?” Billy says, because apparently it takes more than nearly dying and spending three years as a fugitive to get over his inability to keep his mouth shut around pretty boys (or one in particular). Though now his voice comes out soft, quiet, betraying genuine sentiment. He’s not sure if that’s better or worse than the armor of taunts he used to cover that shit up with.

Probably worse.

Steve’s looking at him. Only him. Billy had almost forgotten how addictive that is. He watches Steve’s mouth open and close, tracks the way one corner curls up a little when he lets out a little disbelieving huff that isn’t quite a laugh. “More than you’d think,” he murmurs.

And Billy’s brain shuts off. There are a thousand questions stuck up there, but he can’t get a single one of them out because he’s too busy trying to get past, more than you’d think, echoing through his head in surround sound.

He’s startled out of his Steve-induced haze by Hopper’s pointed cough.

It seems like he’s not the only one, because Steve visibly flinches, “Right, shit,” he stammers, “Get—uh, get inside.” He ushers them in, glancing around, checking the street behind them.

The Harrington residence is one of those big fancy houses with more rooms than anyone could possibly need, but that means multiple bathrooms so Steve (as politely as possible) tells them they can both shower whenever they feel like it. And he fusses. A lot. All nervous hands clutching his elbows and teeth worrying at the inside of his cheek, eyes darting between Billy and Hopper like he’s sure they’ll vanish any second and never have been there at all.

Billy isn’t sure how to deal with it, so he avoids his eyes. Then misses looking at him.

An hour later they’re all in the kitchen. Billy keeps plucking at the sleeve of his borrowed sweatshirt, trying to keep calm. It’s too much, all at once. His skin feels raw, weird and tight. The overhead light is too bright, and the smell of Steve on everything is making him lightheaded. The soft detergent scent from his clothes, the shampoo Billy used when he showered (his hair is a lot longer than it used to be, it took forever to detangle it all).

Steve makes some calls. It’s late, too late to be calling people’s houses but he does it anyway.

Not long after, the front door bursts open.

Max is taller than he remembers. Rougher around the edges. Her hair is a choppy mess, auburn waves sticking out in every direction, curling around her ears, and there’s the sharp glimmer of silver in one lobe. She’s wearing a jean jacket with a torn elbow.

And she’s crying, messy and red-eyed, not bothering to wipe the snot from her nose.

“Where. The fuck. Have you been?” she sobs, shoulders shaking, and she practically trips forward in her hurry to throw her arms around Billy’s neck.

He opens his mouth. Closes it again. Feels unsteady, like he’ll fall to pieces if he moves wrong.

“I’m here now,” is all he can manage. She doesn’t need to hear about military hospitals and Russian prisons, about being kept in a cell, wondering if he’d ever see sunlight again… She doesn’t need that right now. Hell, he’s not ready to talk about it. Might never be.

He hugs her back, torn between wanting to squeeze as hard as he can, make sure she’s real, and being terrified of breaking her.

She still uses that shitty coconut-scented soap, and that’s what shatters him. He’s crying into her shoulder, clutching the back of her jacket. He used to dwarf her, remembers her being tiny and fragile, despite her fierceness, yet now she’s supporting his weight while he buckles.

They’ve never actually hugged before, he realizes, and that realization opens a door he wishes he could’ve left closed a little longer.

Guilt. Like undertow, pulling him back to harsh reality, cold steel gripping his heart, weighing it down. He should’ve been better. Treated her better. And now she’s here, crying like she actually missed him, and he doesn’t deserve it.

He pulls away, wiping the back of his hand across his eyes.

She’s still looking at him, hands on his shoulders, a wobbly smile on her face.

Billy is overwhelmed again. It must show, because suddenly Steve is at Max’s side, eyes gentle and his soft mouth pinched in a frown, “Max. Maybe give him some space.”

She clenches her jaw, probably physically holding back an argument, and nods, stepping back despite the reluctance written all over her face.

“I’m sorry,” Billy says, barely louder than a whisper. Then he can’t stop himself from saying it, again and again, gaze fixed on the floor, tears still dripping down his chin. He has to bite his lip hard enough to draw blood to finally stem the tide of apologies. He squeezes his eyes shut, tries to will the world away.

“Billy.” Steve’s voice is soft. He has a nice voice, so Billy focuses on it, through all the angry buzzing in his ears. “Billy, I need you to nod if you’re listening.” He doesn’t want to, he wants to curl up and fucking die, anything but be a person right now because everything hurts and there isn’t enough air in this room and— “Billy?”

He bows his head, twitches, it’s barely a nod but it’s all he’s got.

“Okay, good. Can I touch your hand?”

Billy’s heart stutters, aches. He’s having a hard time concentrating through the burn in the back of his throat, the static drowning out his thoughts. He nods again.

Steve’s fingers are gentle, pulling Billy’s hand from where it had tangled in his hair. He hadn’t noticed the fingernails digging into his scalp until Steve took one of his hands away. It ends up pressed against something warm, soft material under his fingers, moving slow—oh. His hand is on Steve’s chest.

“Can you breathe with me? Concentrate on me, okay?”

He does.

Steve’s cradling his hand. He’s got callouses along the top of his palm, barely there but present. He’s breathing deep, calm and steady. But despite his outward demeanour his heart is racing, Billy can feel it through his shirt. He curls his fingers into the sensation, fingertips digging in as far as he can push them.

Billy almost forgets to breathe he’s so fixated on Steve’s heartbeat.

It does its job either way though, because exhaustion is starting to hit him as the static recedes. He sags, relaxes. Every muscle in his body feels leaden.

He opens his eyes, squints against the sudden light.

He’s almost afraid to look up. Afraid of being judged, of triggering another episode, so fucking terrified, all the time—

“Billy?”

His fingers twitch reflexively, tightening his grip on Steve’s polo.

“You good?” His voice is still so soft, and so close it hurts.

It takes several long moments for Billy to collect himself. Then he looks up.

Max is hovering, standing behind Steve with wide eyes, her worry palpable. Hopper looks grim, but then again, he kind of always does. He’s a respectable distance away, watching. And Steve… Steve is right there still, holding Billy’s hand and looking at him like he cares, doe eyes shining, fixed on Billy’s face.

“I’m okay,” Billy says, voice rough. He sounds like hell, but they all visibly relax anyway.

The room is silent for too long after that. It feels tense in a distant way, like it would be awkward if Billy had the energy to care, was awake enough to feel anything but vaguely fuzzy. He’s still got a handful of shirt and doesn’t plan on letting go any time soon. Steve’s the only thing keeping him upright, and he hasn’t let go either.

“Did… did I do something wrong?” Max asks, her voice is small and tremulous and cuts right through Billy.

“No!” he’s quick to cut in, “No. Max. It’s…” Billy trembles, stutters to a stop. He has no idea how to explain, even to himself, let alone Max. Steve squeezes his hand. His stomach flips. “It’s not your fault.”

She doesn’t look like she believes him, but she doesn’t argue. He wishes he could make it better, but he’s got no idea how.

“We should all get some sleep,” Steve says.

And that’s that. His tone brooks no argument, even in a room full of stubborn assholes. Apparently, the past few years have given Steve time to hone his babysitting skills. Or maybe they’re all just as exhausted as Billy is.

There’s some squabbling about sleeping arrangements though.

Everyone insists Hopper take the master bedroom, Steve says his parents won’t know or care, his old friends did worse than sleep in that bed. They all poke at him until he relents and trudges off, bidding them a quiet goodnight.

Then Billy says he’ll take the couch and both Steve and Max yell at him.

Billy rolls his eyes. “It’s fine, guys,” he mutters. He’s not about to make Max sleep on the weird little couch (he’s done enough to her already) and putting Steve out in his own house would be shitty. “It’s not like I haven’t slept on worse.” He winces as he says it, realizing as the words come out of his mouth that it’s probably the wrong thing to say. It was meant as a reassurance, that he would in fact be fine with the couch, because at least it’s clean and warm, but all it does is make Max look sad and put a little wrinkle between Steve’s eyebrows.

“I’ve slept on this couch before,” Max says, a stubborn tilt to her jaw, “I’ll take it.”

Steve scoffs at that, “You complain every time you have to sleep on that couch, Max. Take the guest bed. Billy can take mine.” His fingers tense when he says it, and Billy realizes they’re still holding hands. His hand slipped from Steve’s shirt while they were bullying Hopper into taking the master suite, but Steve has yet to let go.

And… suddenly he wants nothing more than to sleep in Steve’s bed. But. “Only if you come with me,” he blurts.

Which is really not how he should have said that, but it’s out there now.

“Oh my god,” he hears Max mutter.

His whole head feels like it’s on fire. “Shit. I—I mean—”

“Okay,” Steve says hurriedly, then clears his throat, “Yeah. That. That works. Uh. Okay.” He’s glancing at Max awkwardly, nervous, but she just rolls her eyes. Billy barely notices her do it, too busy looking at Steve, his heart hammering.

“Steve, it’s okay. I’m—” It’s her turn to look uncertain, but it’s only for a second. “Me and El are dating. We’ve been trying to figure out how to tell everyone, and—yeah. Anyway. I’m not going to judge you, or whatever.”

Well, that was not at all what Billy was expecting. He takes a moment to worry about both of them, be terrified of what would happen to them if someone found out. Then he remembers that El can kill people with her brain and Max once threatened to castrate him with a spiked bat. The knot of anxiety doesn’t dissipate but he’s freaking out less.

“How long has that been going on?” Steve asks, sounding more bemused than anything.

Max turns pink, and it’s kind of fascinating to watch. She’s flustered. That’s adorable. “Since, um. Since April.”

“Happy for you, kid,” Billy says. And he means it. He barely knows El, in theory, but really. The kid’s been in his head. He could recite every story Hopper’s told him about her from memory. He died protecting her.

He knows her well enough to know she’s good for Max, and he loves Max enough to want her to have good things.

She grins, bright and real. Billy’s fairly certain he’s never seen her that happy before, and his heart clenches.

“I’m not sure who I’m supposed to give the shovel talk to here,” Steve says, more to himself than anything.

Billy snickers, and tugs on Steve’s hand, “Like you could take either of them.”

Steve steps closer, looking faux-offended, “I’ll have you know I won a fight once.”

“Yeah, three years ago. You’re a has-been, Harrington,” Max chimes in.

“Isn’t it past your bedtime?”

“I’m seventeen, dingus.”

“You’ve been spending too much time with Robin.”

He missed them so much. Missed something he, if he’s being honest with himself, never really had in the first place. They both hated his guts before, and he… he was a mess. Still is. Just a different kind now. But being here, being part of this, is something he always on some level wanted and…

“Oh my god, Billy, are you okay?” Max asks, concern bleeding into her voice.

He’s crying again, smiles through the tears. “Yeah. Yeah I am.”

[its-ya-boi-autumn]

Omg omg omg its me AGAIN. Idk how its possible but im in love all over again. I was thinking, like idk ive got so many ideas but like what if one day adeline is like 15 and she kills someone out of instinct, rage etc. And shes rlly guilty and chrollo happens to be in the same city/area n sees n hes gives her the talk??? Like "it is what it is". Maybe even helps her hide the body n evidence so his ex s/o doesn't flip? Totally understand if u dont wanna do 2 requests in a row, love ya xx.

I'm totally fine with doing two in a row baby~ I'm just a little slow is all 🤣 I've had a lot of social interaction going on today and then I came home and now I gotta fix my room so if this doesn't come out the same day I apologize 😅 (probably won't, I'm just super tired) Warning: abuse and violence

Adeline’s chest was heaving, her throat feeling as if she were breathing fire instead of air. Her chest and cheeks were colored an angry red and her legs were beginning to go numb. She couldn’t fall now, not when he was quick on her heels. Tears stained her cheeks, still falling from her eyes. The adrenaline continued to push her forward. To keep her running as fast as she could. The ponytail that held her hair up finally gave way, allowing her long black hair to block some of her vision when she turned around for a split second.

Danny was still too close for her to even begin to slow, his stamina almost inhuman.

A sob wracked her entire body at the sight and she nearly tripped. Her eyes frantically darted everywhere. Where could she run that would slow him down? Could she hide anywhere? Was there anyone else around? She had to find something to at least slow him down. Was there anything at all? Running straight through the pathway in the woods had proven to be a bad idea after she came out into a vast meadow of nothing but grass and dirt patches. 

“Adeline-”

“Leave me alone!” her voice screeched into the evening air, tearing at the tissue in her throat. She prayed her voice would be heard by someone. Anyone. Danny’s pace picked up, his arms quickly enveloping her, crushing her ribs.

“Adeline Lucilfer-”

“LET GO OF ME!” her fist reached up, coming into contact with his jaw and forcing his head up roughly. Danny released her, his hands covering his mouth at the throbbing pain he was probably experiencing. Adeline wasted no time to be proud of herself and began to run again, but her legs weren’t having it. The short time she had been stopped caused her muscles to relax and they wouldn’t cooperate anymore. Instantly, she fell forward, trying to force herself up again and keep going. She heard the deep groan of pain resonating in Danny’s chest. Her heart raced. What could she do? Her legs were rendered completely useless right now and there was nothing she could defend herself with other than her own two fists.

All the running she had done was starting to catch up to her too, her lungs having a hard time allowing her to breathe and her throat burning. Her body wouldn’t help her this time. She was sure she was done for. Adeline flipped onto her back, trying to almost crab walk away while Danny was still getting his bearings. When his eyes met hers, they were swirling with nothing but pure malice. He’d had enough.

“Adeline...” his voice was soft despite his hard face. Her own eyes grew wide, tears once again blurring her vision. The only thing she could actually see was Danny’s broad shape standing to his full height, strolling towards her slowly.

“No... no, no, no, no- Danny please, just leave me alone!” she opted to beg for him, hoping that some slimmer of his good side would show through, showing him what he was actually doing. What he was about to do. Danny didn’t seem to notice her begging or at the very least he didn’t seem to care. Adeline pushed herself up to run but she wasn’t fast enough. A harsh blow was received directly between her shoulder blades, forcing any air in her lungs out within a matter of seconds. She choked, falling onto her chest again. Coughing, she made another attempt to steady herself, but another hit was taken on her lower back. It didn’t hurt as bad as the first one, but the initial shock caused her to hesitate for just a moment too long. A rough hand snatched up her arm and suddenly her body was flipped onto its back. Danny dropped to his knees on top of her and she watched his fist slam into her chest.

Another hit.

Another.

And another.

Her face.

Her chest.

Her stomach.

Adeline was limp on the ground, her breathing becoming more and more labored as the sun set behind her. Her vision had gone completely blurry and she could feel the large bruises forming on her skin. He was brutal. Adeline was only 15, this shouldn’t of been happening. She should have listened to you. She should have listened when you told her to find Chrollo and bring him to her. She should have listened when you said to have Chrollo handle ‘daddy’. But she didn’t. Adeline thought she could protect you from Danny. She wanted to be the hero.

“Are you done running, Adeline?” his voice broke her thoughts. She couldn’t even bring herself to make eye contact with him, still watching the sun fall below the horizon, stars beginning to twinkle in the distance.

“Answer me.” the command shook her.

“Yes...” she tried to form the word properly but her tongue was too big for her mouth all of a sudden.

“Yes what?”

“Yes... daddy...” his sexualization of the word sickened her, but she couldn’t bear to be hit again. She might go unconscious if he struck another blow. He stood, taking her by the shirt collar and making her stand. She stumbled, coming across something in her jacket pocket as her hand fell in while she stabilized herself on her knees.

Her house key.

Hope pushed through her misery. She could put an end to this. An end to him.

“Hurry up, your mother can’t be alone for too long, not with that Chrollo guy running around still. Fucking scumbag..” Danny scoffed, turning to face her again. It hurt her to hear him call Chrollo such a thing. Chrollo had been nothing but sweet you her and you when he came over to see you. She wasn’t sure of why it was her specifically that he wanted to see, but that was probably what you meant to talk to her about today.

“Let’s go!” he ordered, waiting impatiently. Adeline didn’t move, thinking her plan out of how to end this man. This horrible, sick man. Her hand stayed within her pocket, fingering the key in thought. Danny’s teeth ground together, his feet stomping up to the young girl.

“Was I not clear enough? I said let’s go-” when he raised his hand to hit her again, he left himself open. Adeline slid the key out of her pocket and dug it across his throat. At first, she thought she failed as no blood even shown. What gave it away was Danny’s mere expression of surprise. An uneven white slit on his neck turned dark red as it spotted with blood. Then, it poured. The red liquid ran down his chest, leaving the man choking on himself. Adeline slowly backed away, hoping he wouldn’t charge at her in a spur of the moment. Danny did no such thing, solely focused on the fact that his throat had been slit. The fact that he was going to die. Adeline didn’t know what else to do other than watch him struggle to breathe. His hands covered his throat for a moment and wiped at the blood, pulling them away again to see the bright red on his fingers.

“You... you cut me...” his voice was weak and shaky. Adeline didn’t reply. She backed away more, falling onto the ground as her legs fell numb from running. She kept backing away from him, trying to keep her distance.

“Adeline...” he was trying to make her feel like shit, and it was working. What had she done? She just killed the man she called her father and for what? Her mother? Herself? She didn’t even know the answer as he crawled forward. She moved backwards, keeping her distance from him. Danny fell to his knees before her, hand outstretched.

“Why would you... why would you do this?” he kept going as if he didn’t know. As if he hadn’t been the cause of so many sleepless night for both Adeline and yourself. How was he not dead yet? He had to die soon, this was too painful for her to watch. Danny balanced himself on his free hand while the other tried to hold his neck closed, stopping himself from bleeding out. Faster, he scrambled towards her. Adeline held no mercy in her leg as it surged outward, kicking him in the nose. He recoiled on the dirt. Crying. Danny had never cried before, in fact, it was always Adeline and you who cried because of him. Nonetheless, listening to the man sob, helpless and dying in the dust made Adeline nauseous. She couldn’t take this, she couldn’t just sit her and watch him bleed out. But she felt like she couldn’t leave him alone here either. Dying alone was her worst fear. The knowledge of murdering somebody and leaving them to nature made her wretch up her dinner. Doubling over, she puked to the sound of Danny’s final sobs.

Her hands trembled as she held the key in her hand. Why hadn’t he continued to fight her? He still had a chance and he just laid there, surprised by her courage to go so far as to slit his throat. Again, her stomach shoved food up and out of her esophagus, a horrid stench clouding her senses. Her shoulders shook as she lay there on the ground. She didn’t even hear the footsteps come up from behind her.

“Adeline?” a gentle male voice startled her, making her gag on her own vomit. She turned, her eyes meeting Chrollo’s. His brows we’re furrowed, worry obvious in his features.

“What happened?” he kneeled down to her, ignoring her mess underneath her and behind her, curled up in the dirt. Dead.

“I... I can’t-” and she threw up again. Chrollo’s hands worked themselves into her hair, pulling it back for her to keep it out of her face.

“You’re okay, I’m right here.” he shushed her gently, his free hand rubbing her back in an attempt to comfort her shaking form. Another vile pool retched out of her mouth, hacking and dry heaving following suit.

Eventually, she managed to calm down. Adeline sat up and wiped her mouth with her jacket sleeve, quickly becoming disgusted with the action and discarding of the attire altogether. She wheezed against her sore throat, the tops of her lungs burning again like when she was running.

“Can you tell me what happened?” Chrollo didn’t even seem affected by the dead man right next to him, even taking a chance to glance at him. His eyes didn’t linger too long on Danny, obviously more worried about Adeline herself than anything. When his eyes met hers again, she couldn’t help but let those tears from before slip out and onto her bruised cheeks and chest. Chrollo didn’t push her any further, instead moving closer to her and embracing her. Every instinct told her to push him away, that she was a monster and that she didn’t deserve this kind of treatment, not after killing somebody. But her weakness didn’t allow her to fight back and she simply melted against Chrollo’s chest, sobbing and quaking. You always told Adeline that Chrollo was a sweet-tempered man, that he was always patient with you and with his friends. It seemed you had been right. He didn’t force Adeline to tell him anything, he didn’t shove her away or treat her unkindly. He knew she wasn’t a bad person and that she was in a state of distress. He had to of known that Adeline wouldn’t kill someone without having a reason. A good one at that.

“Now, Adeline,” he started, lifting her head up to look at him in the eyes. The same eyes as her own. Almost like staring back at her own reflection. It was strange, “I do want to hear about this, however we don’t have much time. We need to dispose of this immediately.” she could hear the urgency edging in his voice, but he still held a level of stability. Adeline nodded, pressing her hands into the dirt to push her body back upright. He followed her over to Danny and thought for a moment, hand on his chin.

“Okay, I’ll have someone take care of this here in a second. I’ll call him.” Chrollo was speaking more to himself than to Adeline, pulling out his phone and dialing a number before letting it ring. She didn’t hear the other end pick up, but it was apparently instant, as Chrollo began speaking to the other man. He gave him their location and the situation at hand, even mentioning his daughter.

At first, this confused Adeline. She wasn’t his daughter. She was Danny’s daughter... her brows furrowed and her arms crossed over her chest. What was he talking about? Sure they had the same eyes and the same hair, and even the same nose now that she really looked at him. You had never told her anything about Chrollo being your father.

“Alright, he’ll be here shortly-” he started after hanging up.

“You called me your daughter..?” she knew it was rude to cut him off, but she couldn’t help it. She felt like she needed to know, felt as if she had the right to know. Chrollo turned his attention her, setting his phone back into his pocket.

“Yes. I did. Y/n never told you?” even through the monotone sound Adeline swore she could hear the hint of pain there. You told her Chrollo didn’t feel much, but when he did they were pretty strong emotions.

“No...” it was the only word she could think of to respond with. At first, she didn’t know how to feel. She didn’t blame you or anything, understanding that she was young and you must not have wanted to confuse her. You may have even planned to tell her now. Then the reason behind Danny’s outrage hit her like a train.

She gasped out loud, her facial expression giving her away. Chrollo’s own features formed into a visual of worry.

“What? What’s wrong?” almost as if it was his instinct. That gave her even more evidence that he was truly her father. Danny never worried about her, but any slight movement drove Chrollo to panic.

“How long until that guy gets here?”

“Already behind you baby~” a deep voice sounded from behind her. Adeline turned around but was met with a stomach instead of a head. Craning her neck up, she found an exceptionally tall man with tan skin and fluffy grey hair. He smiled down at her.

“So this is Adeline boss?” he was addressing Chrollo, who nodded in response.

“Yes, she’s just finding this out as well. Adeline, meet Uvogin.” he explained. Uvogin made a face down at the both of them.

“Wait, you’re saying y/n never told you Chrollo was your daddy?” he kneeled down to her level, she could see his level of confusion even better now. She shook her head.

“Honestly, I suspected considering that my appearance is much like that of his own. Especially in the eyes and the nose,” she turned to face Chrollo who was also watching her, “and I looked nothing like Dan either.” she explained, finding herself being rather analytical. It wasn’t unlike her, as she grew she came to terms with the fact that she enjoyed learning and finding out new things. You always told her that she was intelligent. Uvogin laughed though, standing back up all the way.

“Damn boss she even sounds like you. It’s adorable. Anyway, where do you want me to put this thing? I assume this is Danny?” Uvogin wrapped his hand around the corpse’s waist, throwing it over his shoulder. The sight made Adeline sick and she doubled over again, nearly throwing up. Chrollo was at her side in an instant, holding on to her to make sure she didn’t fall.

“Sorry babe, I forgot you’re not used to that.” Uvogin turned his head away in apology. Adeline raised her hand to signal that he was fine but didn’t turn around for another minute or so, Chrollo soothing her the whole time. She felt dizzy when she met Uvogin’s eyes. The little names her called her were of some comfort, considering this must have been Chrollo’s–her father’s–friend. 

“Well, I’ll just take it with me so you two can have your moment or whatever. Tell her everything.” Uvogin sent a finger gun Chrollo’s way and sprinted off, leaving the Chrollo and Adeline alone. She was felt slightly perturbed by Uvogin’s absences, it was so quick.

And tell her everything is just what Chrollo did.

Chrollo told her about how he made you leave in an effort to keep you safe. He told her about his background, about the troupe, about you. About how much he missed you. About how badly he wanted to see Adeline born but he couldn’t because he was too far out. Adeline didn’t interrupt with anything, though she still had so many questions, but he kept going. He must have wanted to enforce as much trust in her as he could. It was working.

“I’m sorry for not being there and I’m even more apologetic for driving your mother away, it was for her safety...” his eyes never left hers.

“I understand, and mom does too. She was just upset.” Adeline accepted this apology even though she felt like he shouldn’t even be apologizing. It wasn’t his fault. He was just trying to protect you the best way he could think of. Chrollo let out a breath she didn’t know he was holding.

“Now, please, explain to me why you killed Danny?” there was no filter. It made Adeline’s stomach churn at the thought, the feeling of the house key tearing through his skin. She took a deep breath.

“I think mom was going to explain everything to me,” her voice had become shaky. She sat on the ground and curled into herself to gain some comfort as Chrollo followed, an arm draping over her shoulders and keeping her close, “and I think Danny somehow found out... and got upset about it. He liked when I called him ‘daddy’ almost in a like sexual way...” she tried to explain without crying but the word was almost triggering. She hated the way he’d make her use it. He become irrationally upset with her if she called him dad instead of daddy. It was disgusting...

“And I don’t know why... I think he... he just...” she was desperately trying to think of her next words. What could she say next? How should this all go? Chrollo was patient with her the whole time, never getting upset with her or scoffing. He just listened. She was so confused on everything that had just happened and the fact that it all happened so quickly.

“I don’t know, all I remember was that mom said she was going to talk to me and then I went in my room for like 5 minutes and then I heard her screaming,” she sniffled, not able to hold back her tears again. Her head fell into her knees for a few minutes before coming back up to take a deep breath, “and a loud bang against the-the counter. Dan was yelling at her about something, I can’t remember. So I went down to see her and make sure he didn’t hit her like I thought he did, but he did. Chrollo he hurt her...” Adeline was full on sobbing again, feeling another round of bile ease it’s way into her mouth. Chrollo’s grip on her tightened and he rocked her, letting one of his hands rub her arm. She laid her head on his shoulder and he rested his chin on her temple.

“Is she okay now?”

“I don’t know. She told me to just go and get help but instead I got upset and threw the pan she was cooking with at him. Obviously he got mad and started chasing me, so I tried to defend myself as best I could and-”

“It’s okay, I understand. It’s alright...” he continued his motions, keeping her at bay from breaking.

“Do you think you can take me to y/n?” Chrollo asked after Adeline had calmed down. She nodded, standing again.

“Yeah, I wanna make sure she’s okay after all of that. He didn’t get to hurt her too bad that I knew of.” she wiped the tears away with her hand, searching for her jacket somewhere. She found it next to a bush along with her bloody house key. Picking both items up she led Chrollo home, hoping to find you there, okay and at the very least, resting.

[cannibalisticshadows]

Nightcall (2/2)

[ao3 Link] .    [Part One]

Megamind drops out of the media. Though the media doesn’t drop him.

The spike in his frequent fights with Metro Man has done a complete 360, much to the relief of the locals and to the disappointment of tourists. The news and media alike have leaped onto his sudden change like scavengers to fresh offal. Talk of his recent rendezvous, or lack thereof, are on everyone’s mind.

“He’s a maniac,” some talk-show host said into the speaker, hunched over a desk looking quite aggressive. The screen of the television baths the blue alien in a dull electronic glow illuminated his reflective eyes. He frowns at the person but having no good point to disagree. He’s just offended someone would be so bold to jump into the obvious.

“He’s a maniac, and Metro Man has been taking his sweet-ass time in trying to bring this alien-fuck down. Sure, sure, all-righteous and no-killing and what not. I’m sorry but he’s just pious.” Not just ballsy, but controversial. “My only guess as to why Megamind has abruptly vanished like a phantom is because our city’s hero finally grew a pair and kicked his skinny blue ass into the next life. And by God will none of us miss him. Look at what a shit-show he’s turned this city into—“

Megamind turns the TV off by throwing the remote so hard that it shatters the screen.

Sighing, he crawls out of his little nest of blankets and decides it’s time. He’s been procrastinating enough; he’s done nothing for the past two weeks and it’s getting to his head.

His plan to tell Roxanne started out sounding like the only resort to fixing him and his dumb extraterrestrial make-up, but he’s been pushing it off since he got home the last time he broke out of prison. Who knew he could really raise some hell by simply doing nothing.

Roxanne has made few appearances on television since her last kidnapping. Sadly enough, due to his absence, she had little to do (at least, to the public eye). She was the main reporter, focusing on Metro City’s star inhabitancies. Metro Man had nothing much to do besides helping little old ladies or getting cats from trees—not worthy of making an emergency announcement on the news.

And since he hasn’t seen her, he’s going into such a stump he’s made several near attempts to just show up at her place with no spray. How would she respond?

Well, he’d find out tonight.

He filled the invisible car up with his home-made energy source, making sure it wouldn’t run on empty. Tonight he was going out, far enough to reach the boonies.

And he wouldn’t be alone.

Megamind, unsure of how she’d react but knowing this would be practically life or death for him, grabbed a few essentials. The de-gun. Knock-out spray. Rope. You know. The usual. This had to go as smooth as possible for him to get serious with her, to assure her he’d never bother her again as long as he got this off his chest so he could wallow in misery with a peace of mind.

So, making sure she’s home with the affirmation from one of his spy-bots, Megamind packs up his things in the car and zooms out of the Lair before Minion can so much as ask “Where are you going, Sir?”

When he gets to her building, he uses a brainbot to fly him up to her balcony. She never locks it (Oh, Roxanne, I do question your sanity sometimes), so when he pushes the glass doors open, he enters a relatively quiet domain.

The lights over her tiny kitchen are on, illuminating her one-person apartment. Sniffing, and catching the remnants of her perfume, he follows it until—

“Mega—“ Before he gives her time to even finish saying his self-given name, he whips around and gives her a reasonably large dose of spray. She gasps, eyes roll up, and her body drops in a dead weight. Flinging out an arm he catches her, unable to keep his hungry eyes from the expanse of her pale, bare neck. Megamind splays his fingers across her bare, marveling at seeing her for the first time in weeks. It’s been too long.

Tonight she’s wearing civvies. A pair of dark wash skinny jeans and a white peasant blouse with little red and blue flowers along the neck and sleeves. She’s missed a barber appointment, he thinks, as her hair is exactly two centimeters longer than usual. Her hair’s also a bit damp, curling ever so slightly at the very ends. She not wearing makeup, either, letting him see all of her little brown freckles dusting her cheeks, like little stars in a milky white setting. He licks his lips.

Megamind ties her wrists and covers her mouth with a cheap duck tape. He’s never taped her mouth shut before, but for once he doesn’t want her screaming or complaining. And despite every Hollywood movie where the bad guy tapes the victim’s mouth shut, it’s very possible to remove it without the use of hands.

He carries her out bridal style, whistling for the brainbot to bring him back to the car. Once on the ground, he tucks her into the passenger seat and pulls the belt on, all before getting in himself.

And then he drives. He drives for a long time, content for the moment to sit in silence beside the soft rumble of the car’s engine.

Swerving through Metro City’s night traffic, the city lights gleaming in this never sleeping place, he keeps his head low as he goes, so stressed he finds himself clutching the wheel so hard it threatens to snap. The leather of his gloves scrunches.

They (he; she’s still knocked out) drive out of the midnight city into the rolling countryside, past the lake and past the forests. Lush green hillsides and vast farm lands. He can hear the road scratch under the car tires as asphalt turns into gravel and dirt.

After about forty minutes of driving, he can tell Roxanne is beginning to stir. Quickly, he pulls up beside a huge oak tree in the middle of no where, and void of another living soul for miles.

Well. There is a cow outside but it’s like, ten feet away minding its own business.

As the car comes to a stop, he turns the key and all is instantly quiet.

With a soft grunt, Roxanne squirms in her seat and consciousness slowly comes to. He doesn’t watch her, choosing to star at his bony knees and twiddle his thumbs. All he can hear is her movements, and his own rapidly beating heart.

“M…Mmm?” Her eyes slowly open, blinking in the dim atmosphere. Her eyes then open wider, and she looks around for the usual sights of a kidnapping. Seeing as they’re only in the car, and her mouth is taped, she abruptly begins to struggle.

“Wait!” He says frantically, trying to calm her like one would do for a wild horse. “It’s okay! This isn’t a kidnapping! Well, technically it is but it’s just us—“

“MMM!?” She starts to work her mouth through the tape in earnest, tongue visibly trying to lick at the stickiness.

“Please, wait! This is—I just want to tell you something. Something… important. I promise on my ancestors that you have full permission and more to beat me outside but… please. Just listen to me. Please, Miss Ritchi.”

Her struggling stops, and she turns to him with a suspicious glare. He bows his head, flushing in shame. She hates me.

Though she’s trapped him under an intense stare, snaring him more than he had with her, Roxanne goes still as if awaiting for whatever stupid thing he’s got to say to her.

“I… want to apologize, for my behavior two weeks ago. It was unforgivable.”

“Mm.”

“But—I… I…”

She glares harder. Ashamed of himself, he turns his stare to the dashboard.

“I love you.”

He doesn’t look up to catch her reaction, but she doesn’t respond verbally.

“I love you, I love you, I love you.” He bangs his forehead against the steering wheel with each confession, feeling all the pint up emotions in him pouring out like water from a broken dam. It burns his insides with glorious relief and bittersweet shame all at once. Yet it keeps flowing. “And I’m so, so sorry. It’s—not my choice, Miss Ritchi. I can’t help it. My b-body…Ah—s—“ he stutters, so anxious it’s close to making him piss himself. He can feel it claw at this throat, threatening tears. “My species… we d-don’t have crooches, like a human. We… fall in love. Hard. And once. Only once. Once and only with one person. And that’s it. We mate for life, like doves. Or beavers. Wolves. I-It doesn’t matter. But once the relationship is formed that’s it. Cheating or finding a second love if the other leaves or dies is purely an earthly concept. My own p-parents, they—they only had eyes for each other. Sex or romance wasn’t even a concept I understood before I met y—…. I didn’t chose you, Miss Ritchi. I didn’t want this to happen. You don’t deserve this. I’ve already turned your life into a living hell, and for that I cannot apologize enough, even onto my grave. My transgressions are unforgivable. Yet, even being here on Earth I cannot…. There is no place for me. My planet, it’s… I’m all that’s left. And Minion. I didn’t think I could possibly imprint on anyone, much less a human, in this way. Yet… I am so sorry. It’s all my fault. I should have known…”

She’s fidgeting ever so softly beside him, he hears the crinkle of the tape.

He doesn’t realize he’s crying until he takes in a staggering breath, wet tears rolling down his sharp face and trickling on his lips. Salty like the sea.

He can’t bring himself to speak again in fear of weeping like a damn baby, but he feels as vulnerable as one in the moment. Weak. Childish. Pathetic.

The car falls into a silence, with his shaky breaths and a light breeze rolling against the windows. Other than that, it’s as quiet as a void. He glances at her from the corner of his eye, and sees her staring outside at the cow as if it had done something personal to disrespect her.

They sit in silence for a long time.

“I’m done,” he suddenly says.

He hears her move around again.

“I’m… I’m done. With this business,” he gestures to himself in general, to the car, to his gun. “I mean, there are things you don’t know about. Things I’ve done behind cameras. In the underworld. I’ve committed enough sins to last multiple lifetimes over. There’s blood on my hands. Miss Ritchi. Like you wouldn’t believe. And… I’m going to give it up. I can’t keep doing this…

“This such a archaic concept for me. Aah, uh, did you know… Of course you wouldn’t… The males, sometimes even the females, of my kind have to… catch the other sometimes. To express that they feel the same way. Avoids miscommunication or misplaced feelings. My own father… had to sneak into my mother’s household as teenagers to propose to her. It’s—I didn’t even realize it until recently I was courting you! Unconsciously! I’m—God I’m so sorry, Miss Ritchi. I just need to go away. “

She lets out a muffled sound again.

“I’m moving from this place,” he looks around at the vast farmland, the dot of the city in the distance, reflected by his rear-view mirror. “Romania sounds nice. I do a lot of business over there. Lots of forests and hillsides where there’s no one for miles. I can’t bother you or anyone out th—”

Roxanne suddenly spits.

Looking over to her in surprise, he sees she has vanquished the duck tape and has rolled it up in her mouth to spit it onto the dashboard. Turning on one hip, she faces him with such a glower it chills him to the very bone.

“Don’t. You. Dare,” she hisses.

He shrinks in his seat.

“Don’t you dare drop this on me and say you’re just gonna leave!” She yells, pulling against her taped wrists. He opens his mouth to let out a string of never ending apologies, but—she’s starting to cry, he sees, much to his absolute horror. Has he truly upset her this bad? He really was a monster.

“How—you stupid, stupid man,” she cries out, and suddenly—he sees her raise her arms, still taped by the wrist, and he honestly thinks he’s about to be hit when—

She loops her arms around his big blue head and latches onto his neck, yanking him closer and making him clumsily fall onto the stick shift as—

Her mouth is on his. So hard do their mouths come together that their teeth clack, faces clashing together he barely has time to process what’s happening. Gasping, hands wild and unsure in the air as she seemingly tries to suck his soul out, but—he knows what’s happening, mildly, but a bigger part of him is convinced he’s dreaming or hit his head.

The feeling of her lips touching his, though, is electrifying. Every nerve in his body begins to sing and scream all at once, overwhelming him with a sensation override. She moans and presses closer, both of them awkward and clumsy as they clutch at the other from opposite seats. Clutched… he feels his hand involuntarily grab her waist, holding his close but terrified he’s mixing the signals. It feels so so so good, though, and—

She pulls away before he can even realize he was responding back, albeit unsurely. Arms locked around his neck, he mentally curses himself for tying her up. But. It felt like the thing to do at the time.

“You listen to me you son of a bitch,” she viciously spats. “You come to my place, ten’o’freakin’clock at night, and tell me you love me only then to say you’re leaving? What the actual hell!?”

He attempts to pull back, hide in his shell, run away from her furious reprimand, but his neck is still trapped by her arms. Shit. Really a bad decision to tie her up. The alien’s prepared to say something, anything, to show how much of a lowly creature he is in her light, but all that comes out of his throat are choked warbles and whimpers. “I—“

She sniffles.

He meets her eyes in surprise to see two glassy blue orbs meeting his. Frantically, he try to console the weepy female by nervously patting her back. “Ah—M-Miss Ritchi—“

“You were such an A-hole,” she says, sobbing. “Megamind, for once you were actually cruel. It scared me.”

“Oh, oh my dear—No, no, my sweet, no! I wasn’t—“ he swallows. “I wasn’t trying to be cruel. I was just frustrated. With myself. With my instincts. I—if I behaved any less I would have made a fool of myself.”

“Well, you already did that by yelling at me, you cabbage.”

“I-I’m sorry.”

“You made me feel like a whore the last kidnapping.”

He remembers that dress she wore. Wine red, rimmed in black. His... comment to it. Megamind bows his head and clenches his whole body. “I am sorry.”

“And you made me worry about you. I haven’t seen you in weeks.”

Confused, he looks up at her. Roxanne then pulls at her arms and lets him go from between them. Gesturing with her wrists, he catches her drift and pulls out his trusted butterfly knife and whips it out, glad to have something to do with a tool he’s familiar with. Nothing else felt familiar; alien and strange.

As the plastic finally rips away, her skin safe from his sharp little friend, she wraps her hands around his neck and yanks him to her again. Eyes wide, he numbly feels her kiss him a few quick, consecutive times before—

She slaps him in the chest.

He’s nearly got a concussion from how bad the whiplash is.

“Is it true?” Roxanne demands. He’s unable to speak. “Is it true? Do you love m—“

“Yes. Yes, I love you. A million times over.”

This little woman shakes her head, eyes glistening with something he can’t begin to understand. He feels like he’s drowning, with a weight tied to his feet to prevent him to swimming to the surface. He can't breath. She then grabs onto his shoulders. Shaking her head again, she says, “Then don’t go to Romania. Don’t leave Metro City. This place is our-your home.”

“Miss Ritchi, I can’t… stay around you anymore,” his voice breaks. “I can’t without—“

Her lips are on his again.

Shocked, but rapidly trying to learn this new skill she’s apparently trying to teach him, he responds as best he can. Periwinkle blue to unpainted pink, their lips press against each other, seining the warmth and the wet of the other’s mouth. He once saw this activity between lovers an unsanitary and strange thing, but now he understands its meaning. His lips are quite sensitive, and this kissing sets his body to flame, scrambling towards something he can’t seem to catch.

When she pulls away, he follows her, not wanting this connection to end. A tiny bead of saliva snaps between them as their lips depart.

“For such a genius, you can be unbelievably dense.” She cups his face. “I love you Megamind."

What.

"God, I love you. And your behavior, this month—I thought you’d finally lost it. Or just got tired of me.”

His first instinct is to respond yes, yes he has lost it, completely and utterly, but—

“You—you what—“

Roxanne shakes her head again, this time smiling so wide that it nearly reaches her ears, all pearly whites on display for him. She lets him go, finally, letting him think straight. Which is bad because his brain runs in about five hundred directions. Blinking rapidly to disperse the tears in her wet lashes, she continues with, “I’m glad you told me this. Because—I was considering on moving as well.”

He jolts in his seat.

“I sometimes get job offers in other places. This time… I had an offer in Liverpool.”

“Leeverpul!? What’s can you find in Leeverpul?”

“I like the British accent. And it’s far, far away from here.”

Hapless, he stares at his knees.

“Hey,” she pulls him out of his stupor. “Look at me. That’s better. Now. That stuff you said about… imprinting on me? Is that true, too?”

“All of it,” he breaths.

Roxanne nods her head and leans back against the leather seats. “Then listen to me. I love you with all of my heart. I have for a long time, Megamind. So it hurt me, so, so much with how much of a dick you were suddenly turning into. You may as well have stabbed me in the heart.” He winces. “And then you just up and vanished. Gone. Everyone is talking about you!”

He can’t believe what she’s saying. It’s nothing like he ever imagined happening in any probable outcome of this. She… actually… returned his feelings? What??? What witchcraft is this!? He really must’ve bumped his head hard!

“I... know. I see the news. I see my lack of an appearance in the public eye has given you less work… Ah, are you sleeping better?”

She looks at him in confusion.

“You were always falling asleep.”

Roxanne lets out a loud sigh. “I know… I know…”

“Why.” It isn’t a question.

“I always thought you were just a bit ol’sweetheart that grew up on the wrong side of the law. I fall in love with you a little harder every time you goof around like that. I hate that you’re always destroying something or trying to start a fight, but it was a little endearing.” She lets out another loud exhale. “And then you started acting like I was shit under your shoe.”

“N—!“

She raises a hand, and he immediately goes silent.

"So I started drinking. Tried to drink the pain away. But that doesn't work," her voice breaks a bit.

He wants to bang his head against the wall.

“And I hate that you dragged me out here,” she motions toward the countryside. “You don’t have to ship yourself off to God knows where, but stopping the kidnapping would be nice. Even if it’s apart of your… culture.”

“Whatever-Whatever you desire," he swears reverently.

“What I desire,” she says, placing a hand on his knee, “is for you to take me home.”

He nods, expecting that answer.

“And I want you to come up with me. We’re gonna have a talk.”

“O-kay...?”

Suddenly she leans over again and presses his lips to his cheek. With his breath hitching, because its still a lovely, foreign feel to him, she adds, “And then I’m going to show you how much I love you, too.”

“W—“

“I know you, Megamind. I can see it in your face. Now. Take us home, sweetheart.” She kisses his lips again.

This time he knows what to do, and copies her actions better than before. It feels like fireworks.

He’s glad he told her.

[thenervousmedic]

A coffee a day... (Connor x Reader)

Note: Sorry it took so long! <3

Also! adding a ‘Keep reading’ line for all you poor phone users who have to scroll past all my rubbish <3

Almost 3k words.

Chapter 9: Evidence... but of what?

Distant shower sounds filled the apartment from behind a closed door. The air was cool, crisp, with slight signs that the apartment had been left dormant for a little while.

Connor stood unwillingly still, hypnotized by his own thoughts, before coming back around with a few blinks. Idly wandering into the kitchen with the intent to snoop around your belongings. Ever so faint traces of your daily routine littered the rooms. The occasional cup left on a side, several takeaway menus scattered across a countertop, two sets of shoes not so neatly lined up against the hallway wall.

His mind whirled with information on every little noticeable detail of the apartment, but none of it was all that important. The same recurring red warning letters trying to grab his attention with their incessant flickering. He wasn’t Deviant, he wasn’t broken, and he certainly didn’t need to be fixed. If anything the warnings were getting in his way, he would function much better if they just left him alone. It didn’t help that Amanda was breathing down the back of his neck after last night.

A sweet distant scent of shampoo was detectable amongst the thin layers of floating dust particles. His mind off on its own little adventure as his body stood unable to find something to do with itself.

“I hope you’re not gonna just stand there all day-” your voice came out of nowhere. Though he should have anticipated your approach after he had heard the bedroom door open. His brows unintentionally raised, mouth slightly parted. You were…. Very beautiful. At Least he seemed to think so. Your hair was still wet from the shower, but it was nice to see you out of Hank’s gigantic clothes. You wore a messy black hoodie, still loose on your frame but not nearly as much as Hank’s clothes had been, and large tracksuit trousers of your favourite colour. You weren't wearing any shoes, logically, just some black socks.

“No, of course not, I was just having a look around. Do you have the stolen Cyberlife products?” you looked… ‘disappointed’ he guessed would be the right word. “Yeah… yeah, uh, go sit down, i’ll get ‘em.” -- Connor was very obviously hesitant to leave your side but after quickly looking you over he nodded and went back into the living room. Almost every footstep was silent in your home, with the floor being so squishy, but even then you could hear the heavy ‘poof’ of Connor’s steps.

You were right, it was nice to be back in your own clothes. Much softer, muuuuch more comfortable than before. Oh, the components, right. You weren't looking forward to this. As nice as Jayden had been in his younger years the weeks before his supposed death had tainted any memories you could hold of him. They were on the highest shelf of your kitchen cupboard- just slightly out of your reach for the most part- it had taken you so long to even know they were there. Taking a small stool from beside your bin, you shoved it up against the kitchen counter, clambering aboard with the intent to grab the bag and its contents.

However as your hand reached for the shelf the only thing that greeted it was a wet puddle, enough to make you recoil and let out a short “ew, what the fuck?” as you stumbled off of the stool with a hand now dripping in… “B-blue blood.”

You were weirded out for a moment, glaring at your hand in confusion before looking back up at the shelf. The bag… you knew that's where it was last. There's no way you had moved it. “Um… Connor we seem to have a-" You turn, ready to head into the living room only to come face to chest with the android who has already walked up to you. “-problem…”

He's scowling at you and before you know it has taken your wrist in his hand, pulling your blue-coated fingers up so he can look at them. Without warning, again, he leant forwards and licked the tip of your finger gently, sending your face into a red mess. “C-Connor! What?!”

His brow furrowed for just a moment before letting you go, LED blinking yellow. “Im sorry Y/N. I should have warned you, I was analysing the thirium, I can check samples in real time.” You wanted to smack that smirk off of his damn face. He knew that was going to make you uncomfortable but he did it anyway, what an ass! “Thirium.” You parroted back, sending some of the blueblood flying across the room as you flicked your wrist instinctively to get the liquid off of your fingers. Going over to the sink to wash it off like a normal human being moments afterwards. “Does it stain? That would be pretty annoying.” “No.” You were smiling, but it soon melted away just a little as you noticed his LED was still yellow, blinking a quick red for enough time to make you nervous. “It… evaporates enough to hide it from regular detection in a few hours. This is fresh. Someone has been in here.” The very idea was absurd. Your apartment was exactly how you had left it. Right? If someone was to take the bag without disturbing anything they must have known where…

“...Jayden was in here?” your voice was barely a whisper but still managed to crack under the sentence's weight. Your eyes darting from Connor’s face to the cupboard, staring wildly at the blue liquid that started dripping down from the top shelf onto your kitchen counter. Sparks of anxiousness lit up the hairs on the back of your neck, a cold chill brushing past your ankles. There's no way you were right, Jayden is dead, he wasn’t in here just a few minutes ago- Obviously seeing your concerns, Connor took a step away from you to peak back around the corner of the kitchen, he took a moment to make sure everything was as it should be. The carpet’s design made it too difficult to tell if anyone had walked on it, but traces of dirt and stones from his shoes were visible under the spongy mass. The faint shoe-print outlines fit his own, yours stopped at the hallway since you had taken off your boots unlike him.

Sure enough another set of tracks were barely noticable amongst the scattered flecks of dust and grit. Smaller than his own, leading straight into the kitchen and back out again. How had he not noticed this before, he shouldn’t have been so distracted by your decorations. “That’s silly, nobody could have got in.” You bark in denial, waving your wrist back and forth while Connor’s steely gaze followed something on the floor toward your main window.

The window frame glistening a bright white while sunlight beamed through the glass- illuminating a small smudge that very quickly caught Connor’s attention. “-They came through the window, walked across the living room, and took the bag… leaving the exact same way. Almost perfectly paced to reduce their tracks-” He mumbled aloud, looking around as if he was seeing things you couldn’t. Pupils flickering left and right to reconstruct a scene that to your mind was all but filled in by your own fantasies.

Despite wanting to continue in ignorant bliss the very fact that Connor was specifically designed for detective work was keeping you firmly rooted in believing every word that left his mouth. He hadn’t said it was Jayden yet, so you could at the very least pretend it wasn’t, but he hadn’t denied the possibility. The very thought send an involuntary shudder down your arms.

Without discussing it further, Connor lightly grabbed your wrist and began dragging you toward the living room window, his fingers sliding underneath the frame to pull it swiftly open. Your eyes widened. “Woah wait-” He hopped through the gap onto an emergency escape platform. Letting go of you while continuing his task and heading towards the ladder beside it.

Without thinking it through, you joined him. Scrambling through the open window with less elegance than your new partner as he proceeded to quickly outpace you. You were struggling to keep up, sliding down the ladder by its edges instead of using the rungs so you didn’t lose sight of his ever moving form. “Connor wait! Slow down!”

A car flashed past the alleyway, sending a small whirl of wind spiralling up the tight space as Connor hit the floor and began looking around with you in tow. It’s like you didn’t exist, he was just looking for the next scrap of evidence to show where the intruder had fled. And as it so happens he’d obviously spotted something of importance, setting off again at a brisk pace that forced you into jogging to keep up. You weren't mad, he was just really dedicated is all, maybe a little disheartened but not mad.

“Connor, dammit, can you just-” you reached for his sleeve, managing to snag it mid-stumble, his arm lunging out to catch you before you could faceplant the pebble strewn floor. “If someone really broke in, do we wanna go chasing after them?” A strong sense of unease clouded your voice, Connor’s furrowed brow easing ever so slightly.

“Yes.” His reply was curt, to the point, and honestly enough to ease some of the tension in your shoulders. Obviously a little confused at why you'd ask such an obvious question. Quietly replying with a quick “Ok.” As embarrassment flooded your features.

The passageway well lit, midday sun now gleaming down through the gap between buildings as you followed the androids lead, his hand still resting lightly on your wrist. “You can let go now, Connor.”

“What? Oh! Right.” He twitched. Releasing your arm with what you could swear was the Android equivalent of a blush bruising up across his cheek. The flawless synthetic skin tinting a tantalising blue.

The trail was faint but now even you could see it. An occasional splatter of watery thirium leaving a breadcrumb-esque pattern of blue droplets up the alley. The smell, although dull, was uncomfortably similar to that of real blood. A metallic aftertaste greeting your taste buds every time you took a breath through your mouth- quickly opting out of that decision after one too many creeped out shudders. “O-on…. On second thought-” You stammer, catching up beside him as the paths you both wind start to become unrecognisable to you, reaching out for Connor’s hand. You don’t come this way, ever, the drunken late night shouting was plenty offputting. “Can i?-”

Connor’s fingers brushed tenderly against your own, the smooth warmth from his synthetic skin was similar to that of a tiny hug, his hand lightly taking your own as if squeezing too hard would break your bones. “Of course.” You didn’t want him to run off again. The idea of being alone here had brought up rather displeasing thoughts. The comfort that came from his presence wasn’t apparent until he stopped scanning the floor to look at you, A glowing hospitality to his deep brown eyes, urging you to keep a strong exterior.

It appears you weren't the only one in need of some reassurance. Connor’s shoulders visibly losing some of their tension as you wiggle your hand back into his; following the Thirium trail with some new found confidence.

It broke here and there, a smear or two appearing up the bricks to your left, Connor’s voice interrupting your concentration. “They were stumbling- using the wall for support. An injured leg.” his tone was so easy to listen to, like every word he said could have been read from a storybook. “We need to hurry, if they are hurt then maybe we can capture them safely.”

With the pace picking up, your fears slowly fell behind you. The thrill of a hunt growing undeniable as you jogged just slightly ahead of your partner. The unexplored backstreet widening, less friendly looking buildings hanging on either side, while something familiar prickled at the back of your brain. You’d never been down here… yet the looming warehouse that now stepped into view felt eerily recognisable. Pace faltering if only a little.

You wanted to leave-

If seeing this broken down building was enough to tell you to run you almost couldn’t imagine what going inside was going to be like. Every nerve up your arm bustled with meaningless noise; legs stiffening with each step in it’s direction. “Is something wrong?”

He noticed. Of course he would notice. The hand he held had clenched to a vice-like grip without your knowledge, hurriedly loosening your grasp with a nervous chuckle. “No, no i’m… good.” You swallowed, still looking up at the dark grey walls of the warehouse, the wind trying to lift your still-damp hair. “This place just kinda creeps me out is all…”

--

Hank groaned, his head pounding like his music tastes. Last nights drinks repeating on him, an occasional alcohol-burp burning at the back of his throat. Fuck. He really shouldn’t have drank that much last night… though, on second thought, it probably wasn’t avoidable. He’d put a fucking gun up to Connor’s head, what was he thinking?! Thank christ he hadn’t pulled the trigger-

Huh. Aside from costing a whole bunch of his paycheck what would shooting Connor really do? Aside from make him compulsively re-introduce himself the next morning there were little to no repercussions to his actions. “Nothing… there would be…. Nothing.”

“Shit.-” Hank’s hand collided roughly with his face, growling irritably into his palm as the scent of last night hung on his clothes, running it up through the messy mop that was his hair. These thoughts were too intrusive for this early in the morning. The look in Connor’s eyes had engrained itself in his head, enough for the older gentleman to physically begin to shake. He looked… scared. It was for a split second, barely noticeable, but he had seen it. Fuck. Fuck. If he had gone through with it-

“Connor!” Hank’s voice boomed through his tiny house, a hoarse throat making the shout into more of a growling bark, Sumo’s paws padding on the wooden floor following shortly afterwards. The big dog bumbling into Hank’s room with a small whine, pressing his nose up to Hank’s beard before thoroughly licking his face. “Hey, stop that, Sumo, Dammit-.” Pushing the overgrown pup back with some effort, still trying to stifle the acidic bile rising in his throat. “-Where's the sentient Roomba?” Sumo’s head cocked to one side, his tail slowly wagging back and forth as Hank rose from his bed, his owner trying to keep himself upright by leaning on the doorframe.

The house was extremely quiet: empty. A non existent pit in his stomach feeling heavier once he noticed one of his older shirts sitting folded on the bathroom counter-  a note written neatly on a piece of paper that stood beside it. ‘Lieutenant Anderson. You appear to be too intoxicated to retain this information, so I’m writing a letter to catch you up in the morning. I would greatly appreciate your cooperation if you could possibly read this without tearing it up first.’ “Fuckin’.... Smartass….” ‘The witness was unsettled by my uniform being wet, I had to borrow this shirt for a few hours, I hope you do not mind. It has been washed and dried. Y/N and I are following up on a possible lead early in the morning, you will likely not be awake by then, we are heading to her apartment. I want urge you to take it slow as you ingested concerning levels of alcoholic beverages last night. Your wellbeing is important to me ensure the mission can be accomplished in a timely manner.’

‘~Connor.’

The pit sunk further. Hank had never seen an android make… ‘mistakes’ in their writing. His hardened steel glare softening ever so slightly, the paper making little uncomfortable noises as it was lifted from the counter and folded up- placed slowly next to Hanks toothbrush. A false apprehension hanging in the air. The smell of drink on his muggy clothing distracting him from what he had just read.

Sumo blew air roughly out of his nose, waddling back into the living room with a grumble, resting his head on ‘your spot’ on the sofa. Messing with the cushion under one of his oversized paws. “Yeah, I know.” Hank mumbled back, the scraping sound of his sink hot tap making him cringe. “The kids get to go play while my sick ass has to get dressed and try not to vomit.” Quipping wasn’t going to quell the discomfort in his tone.

You'd think by now he would be used to hangovers. For the most part he was great at dealing with them… didn't make him feel any less shitty. But he couldn't go barfing into the toilet today, there was work to do. If Connor wasn't going to be on his was all morning the least he could do is try and enjoy it.

[nakadoo]

bec im a garbage can i wrote about aroace jake and dirk overcoming his broken heart

Your name is Dirk Strider and it's been three months since your already jaded heart got broken by a boy with the greenest eyes you've ever gazed in to. It's been hard, that's much is true, and the only reason you haven't broken down and cried for a week is because you've already done that. You did it the moment you broke up with him, via text no less, then shattered your phone against the wall in your heartbroken frustration.

A whole week spent laying in bed, urging yourself to sleep instead of dealing with the ache of your heart and the buzz of your mind telling you that it was your fault, your fault, your fault, and you didn't do anything to fix it, that you ending it and cutting him out of your life was the most cowardly abscond in history ever. You hate yourself, for a whole week and then some, but even then you've been nothing but pragmatic. A week after tears and forced sleep and your brother walking on eggshells to keep you company to the best of his ability, you suck it up and put on your mask and your shades and try to pretend that you were okay. Things will probably get better, and it's never been a good idea to dwell on things anyway.

If Jake didn't want you in his life then that was fine. You kind of understood where he was coming from. Sometimes, you can't even handle yourself. The only reason Dave puts up with your shit is because you've known each other since you were babies, you grew up together, the two of you understand each other without needing to communicate it much. You tell him you're sorry for the week of tears and the random lashing out. He tells you you owe him one. At least things at home are fine, at least home can still stay a safe place.

You delve into your work, you create with your hands, and try to be happy. You try to imagine your life before Jake stepped in and stole your heart and broke it. It's easy because Dave is there and he acts like everything is fine, that you'll be fine, and sometimes  you believe it because the only other option is to acknowledge your sadness and grief and less than savory thoughts.

Roxy talks to you. Not about Jake, thankfully, but about everything else. She's always been good at that, avoiding the topic but letting you know that she was aware of it and that if you were ready to talk she'd be there all ears and no judgment at all. Sometimes you wish you fell in love with her instead. The two of you already got a lot of chemistry, she understands you like no other and when she doesn't she makes the effort to. She makes you talk about the things you don't like talking to, but she never forces you. She always makes you feel that you're worth something, she always makes you feel that there is someone out there who loves you despite all your faults.

Two months in and you're getting better. Honestly you're dealing with it much better than you thought you would. Though you don't get to talk to Jane as often as you used to, she still sends you little snippets of her life through pictures and little stories when she has the time.

Dave, thank god for Dave, the biggest constant in your life. Always punctual and always on time— he always sets time aside for you especially when you ask for it. He's honestly the only person you'd ever ask for help without the shame knife twisting in your gut. Because you know the sacrifices he makes for you, you would do the same.

You meet a guy named Equius. The best friend of Dave's weird cat friend. He likes horses. He likes building robots. He would like to maybe hang out one time to build robots and afternoons later you're constantly over at his place tinkering with metalwork and wires and talking robotics with someone who understands. It's good, it's nice, and the first robot you complete together is a little metallic horse the size of a cat. It doesn't do much, honestly its more like a noisy roomba where the vacuum is in it's hooves, but its kinda cute in a weird way and you two make several more. Equius' apartment turns into a little robot horse rodeo, and you're amused by this and the awkward way Equius tries to explain to his neighbors that nothing illegal is going on.

The cat girl, Nepeta, you thought that maybe she was dating Dave but she's not. She's so different from the type of people Dave usually surrounds himself with so you're a little bit surprise to know that they're honest to god good friends who go on friend dates to the movies or at the mall or just playing with Nepeta's many many cats. You're... Happy that your little brother has someone like her, someone who's emotional baggage wasn't as terrible as yours. He's always all smiles after their friend dates, and he's always so much happier too.

It's weird when you start to feel happiness again. It's also pretty weird to realize that, though you've been enjoying your time with Equius, you kind of forgot what it was like to feel happy. Well, either way, you're glad that emotion is back in your system because you've missed the way a smile feels on your own face.

You and Dave clash swords that night. You sweat up a storm, but when you're both panting for breath at the end of the afternoon you can't help but bust out a wide grin full of teeth and dimples— even as Dave cuts a considerably big chunk of hair when you're caught off guard.

Three months, three months, three months. You feel fine. You're starting to wonder if you ever liked Jake to begin with. You start to wonder that maybe you liked him because he was your closest friend. Maybe you liked him because when you suggested the relationship he had said yes. You're not sure; maybe it was a spur of the moment, maybe you were just so desperate for a relationship that you threw everything into the one you had with Jake. You're not sure, and you're not sure of a lot of things, and it keeps you awake at night.

Three months is when you see Jake again. It's late at night and you were just going down to the 7/11 for a soda when you see him leaning against the door of a relatively expensive looking car.

You want to escape when your eyes lock. You really do. But his eyes are so fucking green even under the poor lights of the moon and the gross yellow street lights, and the awkward smile he gives you accompanied by a wave of his hand is enough to get you to stop. You're frozen even as he approaches you and before you can even begin to convince yourself to run he's in front of you.

"Hey..." he says quietly, nervous like you've never seen him before.

You bite your tongue, but you mange an even quieter "hey" in response.

He shoves his hands in his pockets, kicks the dirt under his shoe, as his mind whirs for the words he wants to say. Jake has always been a man of action with a foot in his mouth. "I suppose a 7/11 parking lot isn't really the best place to be having the conversation that I've been meaning to have with you."

You want to feel angry, but you're not. Okay, maybe you are a little angry, but you're civil enough to keep that in check. You don't say anything in reply.

"Was quite a shock to see you here," he says, filling in the silence as he awkwardly fumbles in his attempt to remain casual. "But I guess I'm glad to see you, else I woulda put this off longer than I already have." It's not that you're giving him the silent treatment, you just don't know what to say. But he takes your silence as consent to continue. He looks around, rubs at the back of his neck. "But this really isn't the nicest place to talk about... things... So if it's alright with you could we catch some lunch tomorrow? The usual place."

You bite your lip. You should say no. Your head nods and you hate yourself a little bit.

"Alright," he says with a relieved sigh. He grabs your arm, scribbles his number on your skin. "I figured you might've deleted me from your contacts," he says and he doesn't sound like he's upset by that at all.

"Oi, English!" a voice calls. You both turn just as Jake writes the last digit. "Let's go already, geeze!" A stranger who looks too snooty to be coming out of a 7/11 walks up to the car, glaring at Jake expectantly.

"It was nice to see you again," Jake grins at you, capping the marker before shoving it in his pocket. "I'll see you tomorrow," he waves as he leaves but turns around once and considers his words before blurting them out. "But, uh, I guess if you get cold feet that's alright too. Just shoot me a text." He gets into the car and it drives away.

You stare at the digits, knowing deep in your heart, that he didn't have to write them down. You still have it memorized anyway.

The next day, at the usual place. You didn't tell Dave. The whole cool kid routine you both have going on is easily disturbed when it comes to each other. Dave's protective of you, you're protective of him. If he knew who you were meeting he would have offered to come along.

You see Jake before he comes in. He's with that guy from yesterday, and another dude you don't know. He exchanges words with them, a little argument with no heat, before the other two leave and he walks up to your table and sits down. He looks out the window, where the other two are looking back, and waves them off like a kid urging his embarrassing parents away. Thankfully they leave but not without giving you a significant look first. You try not to think about what it could mean.

"So uh listen, Dirk," Jake pulls your attention back to him. His dimples are so attractive. "I know that things between us didn't exactly..." he does a weird gesture with his hands. "Go as we had thought."

"Understatement of the year," you tell him, your first words to him in months.

He smiles apologetic. It sates the simmering anger in you for a moment. "I guess," he agrees. "Well, I'm not trying to make excuses, and I really hope you don't take this as one..."

You nod. You'll let him talk all he wants. You deserve to hear what he has to say, and right now you're in control enough of your emotions and you know that you wont take him back instantly if that's what he wants.

"Don't take this the wrong way," he says and twiddles his thumbs. "I was kind of... relieved when you said it was over."

You try not to take it the wrong way. It kind of stings.

He tells you how suffocated he felt and how uncertain of everything too. He tells you that, after the time you've spent apart, he got to know himself better and started to understand why he was feeling the way he was while you two were dating. "I don't have romantic feelings for you," he tells you. "I don't think I ever did."

Internally, you are floundering. "Then why—"

He holds his hand up. You shut your mouth. "I don't think I have a single romantic bone in my body," he tells you. He looks down, as if he could really see his bones, then back up at you with a little wry grin. "Not a sexual one either."

You press your lips together. You're not sure what to say.

"And I guess that's what bothered me. I liked you but it never felt like it was enough considering we were boyfriends," he explains. "It felt like you were giving me so much, and I wasn't really giving anything back."

You nod fiercely. It felt exactly like that.

"It made me feel... Awful. I thought that maybe I should take the next step, that being letting you bed me," he doesn't turn red like you expect him to. You thought that maybe he was shy about the whole sex bit of the relationship, or not ready for it, but that's not his reaction at all. "But then... I didn't think I could do that. I didn't... Uhm, no offence again chum, but the idea of sleeping with anyone sent goosebumbs all over."

Things are starting to make sense. "You're asexual." Its a statement not a question.

"Yeah. I didn't know that was a thing until recently. I am also, apparently, aromantic as well," he tells you and he looks like he's proud for remembering that word.

You want to forgive him. He's genuine, always is and always will be. But there are still some things you have to get off your chest, and you're not gonna run away from problems anymore. "I hated what you did to me," you tell him finally. The first month you'd been making raps about how much you hated him and his guts. Now you can finally filter those feelings to him, but in a way that involved less swearing and irony. "You ignored me instead of talking to me about how you were feeling about everything."

He looks unhappy to admit it but he nods. "I was a coward is what."

Your expression softens considerably. "I was too," you tell him. "But you really made me feel like it was all my fault."

"It wasn't!" he jumps up, both his hands gripping at the table. "I swear to you Dirk, it wasn't your fault. That was all on me, and I'm really sorry!"

"It..." you sigh and pinch the bridge of your nose under your shades. "It wasn't just you," you tell him. "I'm sorry too."

He lets out a sigh of relief again and sags against his chair. "If you wanna give me a bruise, I won't stop you," he says. "I think I deserve that."

You raise your fist, he flinches as you throw it towards him. But you stop yourself half an inch before your fist hits his face, and instead you just touch his cheek with your knuckles. "I'm a full grown adult Jake," you say with a soft laugh. "I can solve problems with words."

"But sometimes it feels good to use your fists too."

You can't argue with that, but you're in public and you can't exactly punch him even if you wanted to.

"I do want my friend back though," he tells you after a beat of silence. "I really miss you."

You feel a flutter at your chest. It is relief. "I missed you too."

He leans in, for a hug, and you hug him over the small coffee table and spill some of your coffee everywhere. It's kind of embarrassing, but you miss him. Before he was your boyfriend he was your bestfriend, and you didn't want to lose him.

When you separate finally you move from sitting across him to sitting next to him. You take your coffee, sip, and then smile. "So who were those guys?"

"Oh!" he smiles. "They're my new neighbors! They're a delight, I'm sure you'd get along!"

Honestly, you don't completely forgive him. Not yet. But you've missed him dearly and you suppose the road to forgiveness has never been that easy anyway.

[Softly,,,, The dude at 7/11 with jake was Eridan,, ,, jakes neighbors,,,, are eridan and sollux,,,, erisolsprite <> jake has been a weakness of mine]

[hdawg1995]

DnD Antics: “Man up and be a farther, ZACK!”

before rebegin Ryan (frost crystal) changed his name to Sam recently so if you’ve been following our antics for a while know that Frost Crystal is played by Sam. carry on~

we leave the earthen sanctum as it is collapsing. Envoy’s wing is crippled and the Monk tried to save her but got his arm smashed by falling rocks. the everything is crumbling and our witcher almost dies so many times!

DM: roll reflex. elizander: *rolls* DM: okay you trip but flow into a summer salt so you’re still running. elizander: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

everyone gets out BUT Zack!

me: Bardic knowledge! DM: you sense that someone is in trouble. me: I cast fish face folly! DM: odds or evens? me: eeevens? ryan: Odds just to be evil. me: *rolls 17* ryan: ODDS! DM: you cast FishFace’s folly. there is now a moose standing before you. Envoy: *silently screaming* DM: hes eating walnuts. he was gonna get attacked by a bear. me: oh okay. i roll to pet the moose. Envoy: *nat20* me: OF COURSE SHE WOULD! Ryan: this is envoy’s attention span: we are in danger! save the frie- OMG A MOOOSE!

there is now a moose named Oscar that hangs around the pokeball.

*WARNING. THE FOLLOWING IS A DESCRIPTION OF WHAT WE HAD TO DO TO SAVE ZACK. ITS GONNA GET GRAPHIC PRETTY FAST.* 

Zack was in the mouth of the cave but it was collapsing. Tim was rolling horribly and fishface folly was our best bet but it failed so we went with the ranger’s idea: a arrow with a rope tied to it. the original plan was to shot the arrow and hit a leg or something fleshy so it wouldn’t be so bad and would be easier to heal. unfortunately Tim wanted to try and grab the arrow with his good hand. im pretty sure you know where this is going.... the reflex wasn’t high enough so the arrow shoots threw Zacks hand- and into his and out his elbow. his bone is splintered in the process but he can still grab firmly onto the rope. Spine (in his sadistic glee) helps Valekimin pull on the rope to get Zack out of the still collapsing cave. hes at 5 health and is confirmed for worst rope burn/road rash in the history of ever. it was taking too long how ever and Zack was bleeding out, so the ranger has her bear yank on the rope. this cause the arrow to go half way back into Zack’s arm.  once hes out the ranger (in a very bad case of miss wording) yanks the rope and arrow out of his arm, knocking him out. the necromancer boops him on the nose to give him 10 false life but he goes out again when we do the math for the rope burn ON THE INSIDE OF HIS ARM and the bleeding hes doing so the necromancer heals him again. why am i including this you ask?

lindsy: i give the bloody, gory bits of the rope to Rose. Rose: *takes the rope. licks it.* Spine:....do you like it??? Rose: >_>.....>u>....*starts pealing the gore off very slowly* Tim: *horrified into going unconscious AGAIN.*

*OKAY YOU’RE GOOD!*

we all go running off in our own ways to avoid a land slide (Envoy Nazul and Zack are in the pokeball, Spine blink daggers away, Vale flies with her companions, Frost Crystal plan shifts and Elizander....)

DM: roll reflex. coolie: *rolls* DM: you land on your hands and spring into several back flips before righting yourself. you keep running. elizander: FUCK YOU GUUUUUYYYYSSSS! (we actidently left him behind....>_>)

so alicaria goes to the plan where all the deitys are and finds no one there so she goes back to the normal plain HOW EVER....

Vale and Spine try to tree teleport and end up in Frank’s forest.

vale: *casts speak with plants* Frank? hello? Frank: Sup bruh? Ryan: *facepalm* hes a teenager now....

Vale has to go kill a evil yant to prove her worth to her qticotal and spine goes with to watch.

*vale and evil radio active yant fighting* Ryan: is there such thing a necrotic popcorn?

Alicaria brings everyone to the steam punk gnome village. its very bad. Envoy wants to stay and help but she needs to go visit Frank and do some things so they tree-port there. once there, Envoy does a song and dance of prayer to the moose asking for advice. she is told to return to the gnome city and help the people there, and that there is a meeting with all the deities at the moment.

Envoy: okay. i’m going to get some wood for a personal project and then head back to cogsworth! me: *nat 1 on finding some wood* Envoy: *picks up stick* this should be enough! Elizander: Envoy that stick isn’t enough for what ever project you’re doing. Envoy: and how would YOU know me I-Don’t-Have-WoodWorking? elizander: what are you making...? Envoy: rings. elizander: that stick would make 1/3 of a ring, Envoy....

Elizander and alicaria look for a log for Envoy and Alicaria nat 1s.

DM: you turn into a tree. you are comfortable as a tree. its very nice. Envoy: *flies up and sits in the Alicaria tree* Issac shelab and the griffion: *same* Elizander: come on alicaria! we need to go! Envoy: you ARE my only way of getting back to the steam punk city... Sam:.....im a tree :D Alicaria: *cats vines. lifts elizander up* coolie: PUT ME DOWN! Sam: IM A TREE MOTHER FUCKER! :D

evenutally Envoy (who can’t fly, is too far away to ride the yak or teleport) decides to ask Frank the blue flying moose tree for some help.

Frank: sup bruh. Envoy: Sup man.  Frank: wut ya need? Envoy: my ride is kinda tree right now. shes chillin so i ain’t gonna throw off her grove, but i promised the BFM id help out at cogworth. any ideas on how to get me there? Frank: nah bruh...sorry. Envoy: thats alright homie *pat the tree* Frank: wait. hang on i have an idea. *summons tree spirit* yo homes help her out. Spirit: why doesn’t she just fly? Envoy: this ones broken *pats wing* Spirit: *fixes it* eh... still got a job to do.

the spirit lifts Envoy high into the air and we all think shes gonna get thrown. she gets planted into the ground instead and she is sent flying through roots in the ground. still fun! 

DM: you stop. everything is dark. Envoy: *remembering everything Spine taught her about being buried alive, she takes some dirt and drops it to find where ‘up’ is* (this is funny cause it took Spine 12 tries to figure out what direction UP was when he too was shot underground and was trying to dig out)

Envoy pops out of the ground and, with no best friend necromancers to hurt with her ultra awesome flute that heals people, she spends the next 24 hours healing wounds and lifting spirits with her music. mean while...

Envoy: eli- elizander: Envoy. Envoy: i can’t get her to let you go- Elixander: EN-Voooy. Envoy: and i promised the blue flying moose i would help- Elizander: EN. VOY. Envoy: IGattaGoImSorryBye Elizander: DONT LEAVE ME HERE ENVOY! *envoy gets planted* Elizander: ENVOY!....ENVOY DONT LEAVE!....EEENNNVVVOOOYY! Alicaria: do you want up? Elizander: fuck you do you want to play chess???

Elizander plays chess and alicaria is a shore loser. she puts him on frank.

eventually Zack comes out the pokeball with the yak and he tries to help Eliznder but drops him. Eli hangs upside down thanks to the vines alicaria cast to catch him and the Yak boops him about with her snout before eating the vines.

Elizander: i want to go home... Shiba: *bumps the witcher* Elizander: oh? you... you want me to get on? okay. *gets on the yak* are you gonna take me to Cogsworth or- Shiba: *starts to buck him around, rodeo style. this is how she has fun*

Vale kills the thing and Spine takes the remains into his necropolis so he has a new friend.

when we FINALLY get everyone back together, Envoy has a surprise for everyone! While healing the gnomes non stop and keeping spirits high, the gnomes gave her the title “The Healer” (she gets a +10 to heal checks now) and as a thanks for her work, they gave her a air ship.

Tim: so wait- me: I HAVE A AIR SHIP YALL! WOOT WOOT! Ryan: wait JUST her??? DM: YES JUST HER! shes the only one that was helping the city. its HERS.

the wrecking crew has a air ship now. its piloted by flick!

Envoy got some wood along the way and after we fix Zack and stuff and blah im getting tired LETS GET TO THAT TITLE, SHALL WE?

so while Nazul was a baby, Zack decided to be his dad since Slyvia was bent on being his mom. adopting the assassin was pretty nice, and Zack even continued to refier to Nazul as his son when we fixed him. (this is hella sweet cause Nazul never had a mom or dad so this is like major awesome for him).

so what does our grateful neutral evil Assassin ghost boy do? WHY GO BACK TO THE DWARTH CITY AND BUY DRINKS FOR EVERYONE WITH ZACK’S MONEY AND NAME!

he gets caught at first. Drawth: arn’t you that prick that stole everyone’s money while the trolls were attacking? Nazul: are you sure it wasn’t the TROLLS who stole your money? DM: Roll Bluff. Nazul: *Nat 20 cause when DOESNT this group get nat 20s???* Drawth: YOU’RE RIGHT! DAMN TROLLS!

he gets up to alot of mischief. he also turns all the dwarths racist towards gnomes. eventually he gets caught caught and is sent to the king.

King: you bought the town ale with your farther’s money, sent the lot into a drunkin rampage resulting in many citizens breaking into the royal whine cellar, you cheated two times in the pits- Nazul: i was having too much fun. (he killed a orger, a 4 armed gorllia, and a lizard person. he broke the rules cause his rune brought him back to life 2 times) king: -and all this in your farther’s name. how do you think he will react to this? king: *teleports Zack there* this your son?

the result is Zack owes the drawths 100,000,000 gold OR he can return the cane algres stole from them.

and at the moment hes buying cheese for master spliter so he can be level 20 with the rest of us.

SEE YOU ALL NEXT TIME ON DRAGON BALL Z!

[taciteaneremite]

COLT: *this has reached a whole new level of petty and therefore unacceptable. he knows joel won't talk to him through text or call, so there's only one way to handle this... he's showing up at joel's door without letting anyone knowing that's where he went, knocking impatiently.*

JOEL: *He doesn't have to answer the door either. Joel is locked in his room, pretty much hiding from Rammie more than Colt. But he hears the knocking and sticks his head out of the window. Actually, physically climbing out onto the roof. The surrounding of Joel and Rammie's house is mostly greenhouse and with the humidity at an all time high, the windows are open. Bringing on a generous breeze.* Hey.

JOEL: Nobodys home dipstick.

COLT: *colt squinting (TM) as he looks around, before he steps back and traces to sound of joel's voice to the roof. * We need to talk.

JOEL: Whys that. *Doesn't move. If anything that would be convenient for Colt.*

COLT: Because this is gettin' out of hand.

JOEL: No shit it is. But hey.

JOEL: At least youre telling me this stuff to my face. And not lettin folks interfere for once.

COLT: *looks around. he can get up to the roof too... watch him. he just needs to get a good start... he's got enough adrenaline going he can pull a dumbass strider move and flash step off of a tree to launch him up onto the roof. naturally, he stumbles, but he manages to land looking moderately cool.*

COLT: I don't "let" people interfere... They can make the choice for themselves if they wanna get involved or not. *looms over him*

COLT: Can't really blame them... I know we're bein' obnoxious.

JOEL: Youre being fucking obnoxious. Im just responding. *squares himself up against Colt. Glaring.*

COLT: How? What am I doin'? *MAKES HIMSELF BIG. and he's only gotten much much bigger over the years.*

JOEL: Youre just??? *gestures wildly* Rubbing it in my face by now! FUCK.

JOEL: Yeah I KNOW you have nice happy family. I fucking KNOW you three are saints and aint never done anything wrong in your lives.

JOEL: Im just a little bit fed up with your perfect life achievements and MAYBE. Think you deserve to fuck off.

COLT: *he just... looks so tired.* When the hell did any of us claim to be perfect?

COLT: I'm sorry that I'm not completely goddamn miserable anymore. But just because I'm happy most of the time, that don't mean I can't mess up ever. I know I do. Just because I wanna live my life too instead of lettin' my short comings drag me down to that dark place again-- *shakes his head*

COLT: Joel.

COLT: I know that I hurt you.

COLT: I know you're perfectly entitled to hatin' me if you want to. But I don't... I don't understand why. Why wouldn't you wanna work somethin' out?

COLT: Why don't you just talk to me?

JOEL: *Where Colt looks tired, Joel continues to fume. Practically snarling.* Why wouldnt I?? When the shit have you acted like you deserve for me to forgive you. You dont.

JOEL: You went and cherry picked who you still wanted around and now you gotta fucking deal with it. Deal with *me* because unlike EVERYBODY FUCKING ELSE. They left you when the going got too tough.

JOEL: I would never.

JOEL: EVER.

JOEL: Have let you feel like you left me. I wouldnt have let ANYBODY put me in that position. Not Mithun not Zuserk not Rammie. But you left me to shit. Thats what you DID Colt.

COLT: *he fists clench and it feels hard to breathe with the thickness in the air. naturally, his eyes start to water with frustrated tears as he steadily boiling blood causes him to snap back.* I've always wanted you around! I never stopped wantin' you around!! I've been tryin' to include you in my life, but you decided for me whether or not I should. You act like I abandoned you...

COLT: But you never let me make any mistakes! Don't pretend like "loyalty" trumps everythin' else. You think bein' stoicly present despite all odds is the same as havin' a fuckin' relationship with somebody. Well, it's NOT. You shut me out long before Little and Finn went away back on Avalon.

COLT: I had a crisis back on GG's island... And then when I married Little I made a choice. And instead of talkin' me through it like they do when the goin' *actually* gets tough, you abandoned ME. You damned ME for being a FUCKIN' person.

COLT: I've never judged you in my life, Joel! I've loved you and supported you and I tried to take some of that weight you're always carryin' around but you never let me! You never let anybody but-- Goddammit, if it had been anyone why couldn't it have been me?

JOEL: Because I TRUSTED YOU. And you threw me under the fucking BUS. FUCK. *throws his arms up, having had enough of this thickness in the air. The hard of breathing and his own echoing hurt. Joel preforms a perfect backflip off the roof and lands in the gravel below. He starts to stomp for the yard.*

COLT: Don't you-- Come back here! *GREAT. he is NOT /that/ nimble... he has to clunkily descend by climbing down if he hopes to catch up to joel.*

COLT: I'M NOT DONE WITH YOU.

JOEL: *Nope. They're taking this shit outside. And it's true the air had gotten thicker. Joel had to blame it on the overgrowth and the ever changing weather. He breaks a sweat as he storms the whole way to the yard.*

JOEL: You broke my trust ONCE COLT. Why the FUCK would I wait around and wait for you to break it again???

COLT: *FOLLOWS when he finally gets to the ground.* Is that how it works now? You disown your family on account of one mistake?

COLT: Don't pretend like this is about trust! You're just fishin' for excuses to keep people out.

JOEL: So what??????? I will be-- UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! *looks about ready to tear his hair out. The tears crawling straight out of his eyes as terror grips him.* I WILL BE FUCKING DAMNED IF YOU LEAVE ME TO BELIEVE THIS IS MY FAULT.

COLT: I DON'T think it's your fault! That's not what I'm tryin' to say...!

COLT: It ain't a matter of FAULT.

COLT: I know... I know you're just scared and hurtin' but I... I can't keep followin' at your heels tryin' to break down your walls. Dammit-- *runs a hand over his face and through his hair watching joel come apart like that, his own tears springing anew.*

COLT: I still have a life of my own... That don't mean I don't want you a part of it. I just... I don't know how to reach you. If you still want me in your life, you gotta meet me halfway sometimes. I can't read your mind, I can't--

COLT: I never wanted things to escalate like this. I just don't know what to do, Joel. Please... Let me fix this. Let me make up for it. Anything.

COLT: I'm beggin' you. *his voice cracks with desperation, feeling like he's officially at the end of his rope here. he doesn't want to lose his brother, but he feels so powerless. the atmosphere is suffocatingly tense... did it get darker out, too? even with a breeze picking up, a blanket of dread is snuffing out any hope for relief.*

JOEL: *His instincts are screaming for him to run. He hears what Colt said but it's the very opposite of what his mind is twisting the truth around to be. He says it's not a matter of fault but how the fuck did he know that? It might as well be and in this exact moment as the night seems to close in around Joel, every doubt and icy fear is surging up at him all at once. Choking him where he stood as Joe

JOEL: l practically fought for breath. It was happening again. These last three years were empty, void of any meaning and it was ALL HIS FAULT.*

JOEL: *And just like that, the ringing in his ears turn into snarls. The sounds seem to come from the woods, inside, all around. Joel feels his vision swim as he breathes too much of this thick, humidified air. It's a whim when he wills the choked feeling in his lungs to CHARGE with something. Something, anything, that will break this barrier around himself. His life.*

JOEL: *It's an act of the very same violence Joel was holding to himself when he turns on Colt. Lunging by some force of will that wasn't entirely his own. With great protruding fangs that seek to tear into any bit of Colt's flesh this fever-crazed Joel could reach, neither of them will even have time to notice the green colored taint of the mist around them.*

COLT: *there's no time to notice anything, or react. not that he would even think to. he knew joel could be violent and impulsive, but nothing could prepare him for the absolutely primal look in joel's eyes as he comes crashing over colt, knocking him to the ground with a powerful thud.*

COLT: *the sudden shock reverberating through his whole body, however, is dwarfed in comparison to the sharp, ripping pain where his neck meets his shoulder, only barely missing a very crucial vein. for a moment, all thoughts and instincts surrender to the feeling and he can only scream out in agony.*

COLT: *and then it gives way to something else, as if the pain is fueling him; it's not quite like an adrenaline rush, if anything, he has more clarity to deliberately grasp at joel's face and shoulder with digging nails... claws? to wrench him off, in spite of the way it hurts.*

JOEL: *The taste of blood has him pulling away faster than anything. Colt's terrified scream and the force it takes for him to shove him off has him recoiling. Joel's whole world is spiralling fast, his senses pressing down on him all at once. The sight, scents, sounds, tastes...*

JOEL: *He barrel rolls through the dirt, eyes blown by some feverish high as he springs to his feet just as quickly. His thoughts are too incoherent for him to try to make sense of his own survival instinct. But it's enough. In an instant, Joel is flashstepping off. Bolting for the woods in a hard run. Gone.*

COLT: *joel's gone, and colt is sitting to catch his breath and clutching at the wound in his shoulder, the hot flow of blood seeping past the gaps in his fingers. it'd be stupid to try to drive himself to the hospital, but he's doing that anyway. nothing is clear right now. and as far as he can tell in this rush of confusion, none of this even happened. it couldn't have.*

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

Watch "EXCLUSIVE: Ex Girlfriend of Paul Pelosi Jr Discusses Abuse, Fraud Allegations" on YouTube

So this guy in the interview is a Ben Clan Human Trafficker

Paul Paleosi Jr is only 20 years old.

The Paul she is talking about WAS Paul then he was killed in 1987 and taken over by aliens.

PPJ hasn't tried to contact her due to his old body being taken over by a Zulu alien.

Because they study intently, the Zulululu would mimic the good and romantic parts of the true person. But the rest of the time be taken down to the evil soul status.

So unfortunately her stories are 100% true and thusly sad

But the person soul is incorrect.

This is why we crested dna4u after 1991 when I blockaded the ability to overtake souls due to my daughters being kidnapped and one being overtaken by Zulululu and the other murdered for refusing.

So dna4u is decades into the making with Galaxies and planets helping as much as possible.

Check out the Google photos of this "51 year old man"

He told me "by the time you find me, I'll only be 20, shes makingbme lie about my age" she being Nancy Pelosi.

She in a long story Tree will post from that I wrote in a private email. With his information included, also abducted me. She's a real bitch

The minute men brought her to the aavuatuin studios and i was supposed to be picked up but I was blocked in traffic, so she was to sit in the lot and wait, she rolled under the plane for shade and was ran over by two planes when they thought they would have that chance to get me in a small window..

Still i haven't been able to be picked up.

Nancy has plenty of clones, tho. So I'm sure some hank ktch will be running her mouth soon.

But she was the worst 'clone' in the baby selling an human marketing trade.

She was mpst often in my Google with a sunk in face... Because she had plates of steel around her skull. Denise does, too as well as Billy and Nathaniel. Nathaniel in the back of his skull, Billy in the front.

She's photographed in my Google as the State Rep but ain't the one that goes to the Chairman Floor.

She's my father's soul mate but not my mother of birth..

In 2003 we banned the ability to get pregnant by anyone but our soul mates.

So Nancy's metal face was her backup. She gave her body to a Saturn good soul, so in thought she would be able to return to it in such times when she is attacked

Not only was and is that not possible but now we have destroyed the shell body. So her Saturn that tricked her to letting a guy her body is now free to work as ghost. And get much more done!.

And Paul and Karina are extra protected by those that waited to kill Nancy and with great and extreme force shoved the Saturn Soul Filled body into a sedan and dropped her to the lot, while invisible

Dino that she killed long ago.

They are extremely violent and more quickly than me with blinders to any other existence to stop them from destroying

So you will immediately die if you mess with my brother or my sister in law and any of my siblings and their children and soulmate.

We have the location of the people who kidnapped my niece and nephew. And so killing them and recapturing my family will continue

They were not reported as stolen. And time is up in order for them to do so.

We have earned experience due to Clayton Millicant, Clay Millican's evil twin.

Thusly we know exactly how to handle this

And I'm quite sure since Donald Trump hates her, that we will earn a monthly stipend instead of a one time payment if he continues to trust in our work

It just takes time

I had Clay and Aubrina murdered yesterday morning and had time to bring them back to life. So these Bastards that kept getting in my way to prevent my appearing at my own property and not being a POW still remain to be tedious. Just so you know, they killed a 12 year old girl last week in order to rape her so they arent made fun of how they can't perform quality sex. Since 2003, sex with a non soulmate is dull, boring and ugh gross. But these idiots don't realize that.

So they killed a 31 year old virgin and a 6 year old crippled child whom could barely walk. Its true she was on the Plane ladder because I taught her due to her disability and crippleness her super skill is to climb ladders because its less pain for her compared to our flat foot selves

She had been locked in a cage and starved and beaten and abused. And her way of sitting in that small space crippled her back and legs and feet and especially ankles.

She had been exercising in my personal bathtub and swimming pool to maximize her strength and ability to move distances greater than 4 feet without pain.

She worked diligently and as much as possible and was able to walk 16 feet on flat foot then walk 24 feet on tip toe and rest then walk 6 to 7 feet flat foot then stop. With minimal pain.

Due to her happiness and flexing her ankles ih the water for 3 to 6 or 8 hours per day.

She worked hard and got ecperiabce to gain health. And she was climbing that ladder of the plane to kill the people up there as they were the same type of people whom abused her. And were friends with them.

And they grabbed her by her neck and threw her 75 feet to the ground.

And so Clay climbed up, not in order to kill but just ask why they were there. He knew i would need to know in order to handle the situation.

And they just threw him down and broke his wrist in a way it was crumbled bones. Then not realizing it was broke. It was unhealed after he was back to life.

And it was extra painful. So don't think they both won't kill now.

He was in 7 to 8 hours of extreme pain and he was of harmless intent, trying to find the solution.

I gave a 6 year old child a revolver in order to protect herself. And she did. We were able to heal her better than the other healing methods we used due to her death.

That doesn't make it fine that they had the nerve to do that shit.

Im just better than they are. I keep warning you ass holes you need to be good in ACTION not by acting.

You don't you'll die.

Again as I said if you're not invited to my personal property including what APPEARS to be a business, you will be a trespasser with violent offence and die.

Im not playing. So Bobby and Edward were murdered for murdering both a pissed off child and a concerned man.

So y'all need to fuck off. Jesse and Alex are presumed to be still looking for Annabelle.

As they kidnapped Annabelle as an infant due ti my having twins. I do have my other daughter, Annabelle's twin safe.

Josie is still in an unknown location and Jesse, Alex and several others are attempting to find her And Annabelle.

Snoop was also a hostile take over but he was my friend. However he was killed by Bobby. And so yes i have friends that are illegal alien. But there is a REAL SNOOP. Out there. That looks like young snoop and less bug eyed.

Smooth, sweet skin and a smooth grace. Still tiny though like his old body. But not old. He was sent to Saturn from TSJ.

We became quality friends before we moved. He went to Venus to help the transition of the rescue pods but they beat him and so i had to go. Because i don't put up with that shit. And so then i took him in as well, not recognizing him due to his swollen facial features from bruising. And he became our Venus representative while sending Data to Saturn from me in order to help Save Saturn. They finished their exponents in 1989, they last was begun and completed in early 1990 due to an experience with Michael Jackson.

Then Jupiter finished.

But also we willingly took the opposite of their good to see the bad in small controlled experiments in order to help. Small traditional studies in the 1960's, and our research allowed them to succeed faster...

Unfortunately this lazy bitch from Uranus kept sending her ass holes here. And so we are in year 81 of trying to fix all supreme galaxies and planets with life.

So we will.

This bitch died by severe torture from the Galaxy Council and Echinecea took over with my life model. And so upon completion we get a ring and a moon. So Uranus has a ring, 4 of them. And i have a tatto of it and irs rings. It is the only planet i have a tattoo of

Its because i fixed it, with my heart and my life experiences, and so with only mine alone its saved 54 galaxies from incompletion.

Now they ain't got that swirl like Jupiter or Saturn because its simply my model and not a combo of theirs and ours. Like Saturn and Jupiter.

Our rings will be a figure 8 around our moon and Earth and then we will gain a moon as i posted yesterday that is being shielded and held by Jupiter inside their ring set and it is the color of my eyes from TSJ.

Mostly i have brown because i just want to kill people and bury them in the dirt, otherwise they're green because id rather bury them in the sea aka good things. Drown them in the spirit of love.

So adding pink is the sunset and sunrise... Truly i do want to live another day.

It hasn't been pink in a long time, so. Sont think I sont think y'all suicidal. If i want to play dumb.

Alright snot heads..

I sent Alex a series of maps. There is new information for them.

Trump get on that monthly stipend..

We need it to keep your people alive.

[iisthisurltakenyetuniverse-blog]

not going to be using this for too much anymore, but eh

Not sure who is reading this, I'm trying to prevent an audience of people that do know me, or whatever. i don't really care right now. 

i feel like i have so much to say, but not enough time or energy to say it.  you see, I'm suffering from Depression. i can't get out of bed. I cant eat, and I cry all the time.  my fiancé is an alcoholic. we have a 3mo daughter. He is the sole reason I have depression. This post is going to be my closure. I will not come back to it once i OFFICIALLY leave him. Every night, he drinks and drinks, then he picks up the baby, screams for me, and tell me ‘I can't hold her. I'm too drunk’ 

this isn't the first time, and I know it won't be the last until I leave him for good. I hate him. i truly, honestly, deeply hate him. I haven't loved him since i hit the 3rd month of my pregnancy, when he beat me, and i won't ever love anybody again. 

He is definitely the root of my problems, and i know how bad that sounds, but its true. He has thrown my cell phone and my wallet off of our 8th floor balcony because I did not have weed for him, nor would he wake up for work on time. I will post photos as well.  When I went to retrieve my items (what was left of them anyway); my phone was completely gone. and with it, the evidence that would have saved me and bring me to a safer life. I don't want him. i can't have him in my life.  He has repeatedly thrown me around. His mother would take his side, stating ‘you're crazy.’ meanwhile, she forced me to live in an apartment that i cannot afford, and to have me on the lease (Im listed as occupant, so I legally have no rights over her, i just can't get in shit with the landlord or whatever. source: http://ontariolandlordandtenantlaw.blogspot.ca/2013/04/my-roommate-abandoned-me.html?m=1) I remember one day; i think it was july or august, i don't know right now. I came home from my job at a collections office, to him dead asleep and an empty vodka bottle on the living room table, and in the bathroom on the sink. (i don't know what a mickey is, but he had one 750ml bottle, and one 250mL.) He works at 700PM and i know he has to leave for 630. so I wake him up at 5:45 to 6. I get home on fridays at 5pm, so i don't exactly have much time to do anything for myself, and we were also well aware of the pregnancy and how far along i was (8 weeks or so. I know it wasn't 12 yet because I did not want to tell anybody besides him yet)  So, here I am. 93lbs of me trying to wake him up. he keeps shoving me away and telling me to fuck off. no, wake up and go to work. he wouldn't. so whatever. i tried, he can go in late like he usually does.  at 620, his phone rings. I dont know who it is, and I don't care. I was in the living room having my tea and reading articles on my phone when he rips the bedroom door apart, screams at me for not waking him up, and demanding I give him weed. right. now.  i DID NOT have any on me, nor was I supposed to. I was pregnant and I was trying to kick the habit. he started screaming, yelling, throwing everything around the room and apartment screaming that ‘I need my fix. you hid some. where is it?’ keep in mind, this was well past 630 i TOLD HIM repeatedly, i DO NOT have any. and i started to record evidence on my phone in the form of a voice recording (incase it goes to court.) He notices that it made a sound, ran to the corner I was in, picked up my phone (which had my ID and my debit card in the case.) threatened to throw it out the balcony if i was recording. i said no. its mine give it back.  So he proceeds to run to the balcony, and chuck it over. (my girlfriend happened to be downstairs at the time and picked it up for me. She recognized my case and gave it back when i ran to grab it. i HAVE included photos of the phone on the next post. it wouldn't let me here for some reason) Before I am able to run downstairs, he proceeds to lift me up, throw me on the ground, and sit on my neck until I promise to ‘stop being a stupid little bitch causing unnecessary drama.’ this whole time i was pinned, I was screaming for help. anybody. just somebody to hear me rasping my voice and losing consciousness from a 288lb male sitting on my neck. Knowing time was going to run out, I had to warn him. ‘if you do not get off of me i will bite you until you let go, and I will not stop until you do.’ he, did not take the chance to believe me, and proceeded to scream as i bit down. He did not let go of my head. He decided to place a call to my parents to let them know what i did. the conversation followed: (from what i could hear, remember, i have no phone anymore.) Crazy Male I reside with: your daughter bit me, and you need to pick her up and take her to a mental hospital. My father: Can you tell me why she bit you? I can't punish my daughter if I don't know why she would randomly bite you. she's not an animal.  CM: She bit me and I'm bleeding. come pick her up. Dad: Why did she bite you? Answer me. CM: She bit me! you need to come get her! anyway so my parents never found out, and still don't know what happened. I will probably show them this post one day when I’m comfortable with accepting this. I am writing this so I could finally have some closure from this relationship. he has thrown and broken countless things of mine, from makeup being whipped at a wall for it to explode, to my handbag being thrown out a window and the front door in the wind. not once, has he ever owned up to these, nor apologized. 

The next day, he was bruised in the spot where i bit him, and demanded that everybody knew ‘I was a crazy psychotic bitch.’ even my parents didn't believe him. They knew something was up. Anyway, I stayed in the apartment, actually, I'm writing this in the apartment with my daughter in her swing, and him smoking his life away. 

anyway, after that episode, he kicked me in the abdomen twice, he threw his phone at me, and told me ‘When I come back, i don't ever want to see you again.’ okay, great. same page. bonus.  So the mall closes at 9, its almost 8now. I had to sprint to the mall phone kiosk and ask them to charge me for another one. I was in tears and covered in dirt and whatever was on the floor. the man was quick to help me get set up and sent me on my way with ‘good luck’. I think he was sincere. he smiles when he sees me at the mall., but I'm sure anybody would if they showed up crying hysterically with shards of glass instead of a phone.  so that was it. for that story. I had a new iPhone and was able to contact my ‘seven cups of tea’ lady. She recommended I do what you readers are saying, leave him and call the police. but i just couldn't do it. I know how that sounds, but I couldn't. do it. 

my girlfriend, Lauren, (she plays a HUGE role in my safety and mental health, ill explain her too as this goes on) was always willing to get here and force me out. her boyfriend, Brian, just got a new SUV and they could handle me and my items in one trip. I just couldn't. leave. as bad as i wanted to. i couldn't.  So I always ended up lying to her, to make her not feel like she's bothering me. but i knew she cared. she never. ever stopped caring about me and my baby. To her, my daughter was the child she could not have yet, but she did everything she possibly could, organized people to talk to me, and help. i still said no. The next day at work, I showed up with a bruised face, and lied through my teeth. to my manager, my supervisor, HR, and my best friend. They didn't know until after anyway, the week after the episode, it started again. this time, I happened to still be in the office at work, as it was my late night, I finished at 730 and got home at 8 as my dad gave me a ride home twice a week. at around 6pm, he started calling my cell phone. I know he won't call my work unless is an emergency, so i ignored it. then he texted me. he asked me where the weed was. I told him I did not have any, again.  He asked me again, stating I have it hidden somewhere. I told him, no. (the truth) and not to bother me at work. I turned my phone off. I didn't need to be distracted at work. when i finished, and turned my phone on, i had texts from him that were extremely verbally abusive. and sent me a text saying ‘clean the mess up.’ I had no idea what he meant, and he would not answer my texts or my call.  I get home, and theres nothing out of the ordinary. theres a plate in the sink and his liquor bottles on the table, but nothing that I'm not used to.  So I go to the hallway, and on the bedroom door, it says ‘fuck you, idiot loser.’ so I cry and can't hold myself up, so I fall to the ground. i had NO idea what to expect. I opened the bedroom door, and all my clothes, all my makeup, even my metal laundry hamper, was warped. my clothes were ripped (my favourite articles,anyway), my laundry bin (it was three bag things that are held up by a metal pole frame) was completely taken apart and warped. metal everywhere,and all over the apartment.  he broke the only laundry basket we had, tore it into hard plastic shreds, and the bed was flipped over. I cleaned up what I could, turned my phone off,and just bawled my eyes out in the baby room. Im not sure when I fell asleep, but I was teary when I woke up for work the next day. 

on many other occasions, when I've tried to protect myself from his rage and anger, i would run to the nursery and lock the door behind me. We have rips in the wood from him trying to break it in and hurt me.  He has raped me numerous times, forcing me to take it ‘in the ass’ as I'm screaming for no and to get off of me.  Lauren passed away on October 10th, 2016. She was in a car accident with her boyfriend and sister.  I know she would not be proud of me still being here with him, but i now she's happy that I am raising my daughter to be a strong little girl. May she rest in complete peace, I love you. 

I have to get off this computer now, he's demanding i get off. I have a lot more to tell,I promise, I need to get this out of my mind and on paper so i can move on. 

I'm still with him, but these are my last days. His mother is threatening to evict me by not paying rent (i don't have any money, and i never made enough to pay half plus my bus passes and groceries and hydro. I've had to change phone companies 6+ times because they (his mother and him) take all my money and then cry that they don't have enough and want more. did i mention, he has been a no-show at work for the past 3 shifts? did i mention that while I was throwing up from the pregnancy, he screamed and told me to ‘shut the fuck up.’ when i was diagnosed with hyperemesis gavidarum? please help me. because i can't help myself.  and i really really want the help.