#and i haven't spoken to a single new person only ruined ones with old friends | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lovelystarks · 7 years ago

Text

i haven't been on in a really long time but hi its me Emily in case you forgot. This isnt really important or anything or i don't think anyone really cares to know but im still here and i just wanted to thank everyone who messaged me and that one anon who checked in multiple times. Ive only come on twice (including now) since my last post and i kind of figured since its literally new years eve i should just get over myself and move on and just forget about trying to make some things happen because obviously by now i should get the hint lmao but yeah. I just figured it would be easier to make one post than to answer everyones asks seperately. Sorry if i scared anyone or worried anyone btw, i had a moment and a few others since then but i cant ever get myself to do anything so that should be reassuring i guess and yeah i guess thats all ive got to say. Ill try to get back to using this account more because i really miss it. I feel like thats kind of an abrupt ending but i don't really have anything else to say i think and no ones probably reading this so yeah,

#note to self no more schrodingers cat business #i guess dont read the tags if you're easily affected by self deprecating-ness?#but yeah i only managed a small cut on my hand then took a break from using scissors because it was weird but i also wanted to go further?#but then i was like woa emily thaaaaaats too crazy and put them away #so i mean i guess im not totally gone but i still kinda wanna die #ill get times when its like 2am and im like shit i don't wanna //live// and be like i need to die and go over my list of ways #and then get scared and try to force myself to fall asleep #but i mean its 4:25am rn and im doing pretty okay #except for this rn i guess #but i just felt like ranting and getting this all out before the new year ans since i don't have any friends this was my next best bet #and im sorry to anyone i worried with my post i don't deserve your time honestly #and idk if that anon was someone i know or not and not that it really matters but thank you too for keeping up with me i guess lol #if you're still reading this which im assuming no one is hi hello i wanna die and im ranting about life #you don't have to stay i don't even know what im saying anymore i just really really needed to feel like i was speaking to someone #its amazing how this time last year i was doing good in school and had made one of the best friends ive ever had #and now im one percent under honours and have zero friends again lol amazing #for reference i got honours my first two semesters and don't think i got it for my third that just ended #and i haven't spoken to a single new person only ruined ones with old friends #omg i won't even go into how i accidentally found my old friends instagrams today and how it felt like being doused in cold water #i just really hate myself sometimes i guess lol #anyway idk if anyone is gonna see this since im literally writing this at 4:33 am #i guess ill just schedule it for later #not because i want more people to see what a mess i am and pitty me but so the anon can have more chnces of seeing it i guess #and those who messaged me because i feel bad not answering each one but i feel like i would come off rude or unappreciative if i did #for someone in literature youd think id have a better grasp of words lol #anyway well goodnight #im not going to sleep but saying goodnight feels like how to end this so im going with it #GOODNIGHT #thank

11 notes · View notes