#and i feel a little plucked dry in my soul idk. like i'm excited but also i am so tired. and idk how i'll have the energy for it.
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oh no talking about my own life again? on my blog? i should be stoned
#delete later#i am sure this is just a slump and i don't need to overreact about it#but like. i think being So Busy with university and friends and orgs and all this stuff is like deterring me from d&p things#whcih si fine and also not entirely a consistent phenomena like i have been engaged with them loads generally right#but idk. day after the pod dropped + their last video i just so happened to have a derealization episode which. like.#fine. not relevant to you all but folks who know me closely know that being firmly planted in reality has never really been-#-how my brain has worked. kind of a classic post traumatic scenario right. and now i'm in a safe space so it's okay#but i was just kind of in the trenches and i was thinking about the video i had to watch and the fact that More Content was coming#and i feel a little plucked dry in my soul idk. like i'm excited but also i am so tired. and idk how i'll have the energy for it.#and smth about feeling very disattached from the world around you makes you get weird feelings about youtube idk#anyway! this isn't like a Thing i'll be okay but i did just kind of need to talk about it because it's weird#it's very unfortunate that my brain is so fucking insistent on constructing false realities for myself#but honestly? if i wasn't mentally ill would i have ever discovered d&p? much to think about#could write such a killer piece on dissociation & derealization but i got too many fucking wips bro. just entirely too much to unpack here
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