#and i don't have access to visually take it apart. if i did i might just use it

[rigels-nigels]

whyyyyy is there absolutely nothing i can find on how to build a quern?? i don't have the money to spend on like $150+ just to mill grain man, just show me how to wack rocks and put them together like has been done for millenia

[korolife]

Blog No.004📚　24年6月13日

My Visual Method of Learning Japanese Kanji (漢字) part①

～ Let's Pair-up Similar-lookin' Characters Next to Each Other♥!～

There are many ways to learn Japanese. 📔

This way might not be effective or efficient (or even reasonable) for anyone else, but this is the visual approach that I'm currently developing + sharing for possibly any like-minded students it might resonate with!

【Background】

At first, I did the standard "write it down with repetition until you get it right" on flashcards, notebooks, etc. I don't think I ever got it 'right'ーevery optimistic attempt of "I'm gonna get in some daily lessons in today, and successfully absorb this knowledge!!" was always accompanied with this state of... confusion? and being so, so overwhelmed that neither the meaning, the reading, the stroke order, nor even the appearance of the kanji stuck to me at all. I don't think I've ever made it past the list of N4 kanji, even though most words I come across tend to be scattered around the N3-N1 level.

I've tried studying them strictly in order of the listing / then tried loosely with some doodling / or even a cherry-nitpicky minimalistic approach; just-take-what-is-frequently-used-style... but there just seemed to be no end in sight。

『Issue①:』 I wanted to see ALL of the kanji displayed at once, instead of dreading the 'higher levels' hidden from the limited amount displayed at a time; be it from reference books, screen displays on websites or mobile applications, etc. It's definitely just a personal issue, I think haha I just didn't like the surprise sneak attack from so much identical kanji from differing levels that scrambles my brain everytime I encounter a doppelganger. And boy, there's a LOT of those (as you will see).

I thought about making a series of biiiig posters or scrolls I could stick up on a wall, like those kiddie info posters but completely filled with kanji as decoration + motivation + and a bit of a cheat sheet I could easily access at a glance. But just imagining over 2,000 jumbled characters looming over me while I work on my desk or seeing something like that first thing after waking up………it feels a lot unsettling, I think-

『Issue②:』 They're often arranged according to their frequency of usage, stroke order, or general difficulty of the word. Although it's for practicality, it leaves the visual impact completely all over the place. I don't know if I have any underlying conditions that contribute to something trivial like this greatly bothering me past the point of productivity, but it's not even about aesthetics I have an issue with, I don't think? It's just...the arrangement feels so chaotic, or sometimes oddly restrictive that I keep getting distracted. It's like some kind of puzzle I've been trying to solve for 10 hours straight, but it's just me going in circles back to zero. Speaking of puzzles....

Maybe, to save physical space for literally thousands of characters, I thought about placing one kanji on each of a rubik's cube's faces. But that would take a ridiculous amount of cubes and printer ink/alternatively, manually cutting, pasting, and poorly writing very very tiny 0.5inch labels for...two thousand times, at least. By hand.

I'm still tempted to incorporate this idea in some way, but felt unmotivated and lazy with how flimsy and shoddy my handwritten labels were…also printer ink prices continue to be a goddang scam--

I've unfortunately never been a studious student, especially not when it comes to conventional learning methods. It tends to make me want to try ridiculous ideas to get around my own dysfunctionality, because the other option would be... to continue a system that doesn't work and be frustrated, and accomplish nothing; not even a smile.

Because I was learning Japanese out of my own free will, I wanted to have fun with it, because the whole concept of kanji seems really fun in theory!… but not so much in attempted practice as a clueless outsider with no knowledge apart from the standard English reading and writing system.

Even if perceived as a complete waste of time by a lot of people, I still want to understand each individual character to be able to appreciate and greet them accordingly when I encounter them in the wild.

For fun☆!

【Conventional Systems】

I mostly took inspiration from other existing popular learning systems that many people use:

➊The standard N5-N1 System was alright, but I found myself tempted to skip straight to ～N3 where frequently used characters appeared more, despite being barely at the lowest N5 level myself. I wanted all the characters to be visibly accessible…but it got intensely overwhelming so fast. The hierarchal labeling made finding a N1 character have this weird sense of pressure? Like, "oh sht , this word has N1 kanji. mY ELEMENTARY GRADE DUMBASS AIN'T SUPPOSED TO BE IN HERE--"

➋Then there's pictographs. It's interesting, but I thought a lot of them were a little bit of a reach? haha it's basically a visual mnemonic, right? But other people's mnemonics usually have their 'creative logic' that my own may not agree with, so I just end up getting distracted with the internal logic of the image and how it correlates to the kanji instead of absorbing any actual information. I think it has potential, but I'd need to personalize the visual imagery for it to be effective…or at least, have the mnemonic make enough sense to me and not be abstractly distracting. Even by then, the more strokes there are, the more convoluted it looks to even liken it to anything in the real world...Kanji by itself is already a pictogram, I guess...?

➌Then there's the Heisig method. I liked the concept; the goal is for (mostly) foreigners to easily familiarize the 'look' of the kanji character and attach it to a singular meaning. But personally, it wasn't working with how much my brain was confusing every variation of similar-looking patterns that kept reappearing over a span of different kanji, with the same radical appearing in different positions or orientations. Heisig's compilation was good in a sense that I could see a reoccurring pattern and it was most definitely less chaotic to look at now, but they continue to persist so far away from each other? Then adding that element of "the unknown" with kanji I've yet to encounter or seek out for being 'too advanced' with this doppelganger dilemma was driving me absolutely coconuts.

Plus, since it's a method created with absolute beginners in mind, it falls short with the lack of kun- and on- yomi readings…which were what I needed to learn the most.

I decided to combine these three ideas to make my own way.

【??? Personal System】

This system will continuously be developed from here on out until it can actually be functional, but so far, here's what's been done and being planned:

Apparently these were from 8 months ago good lord-

I pretty much just lined up screenshots of a full kanji listing (I believe it was a Jouyou listing) and just...painstakingly played a Match-3 game, but irl, pretty much... and with more back pain

※Reference used to curate these kanji and their information are primarily from ①an app called 'Satori', and ②another app called 'Yomiwa'. Both apps source information from KANJIDIC and JMDict + mixed with a variety of online dictionaries to cross-reference and check for additional info.

I was working on and off on it because staring at nothing but kanji all day will probably make a few screws loose, but I generally continued anytime I was feeling a little down, stressed out, or just had free time. It was oddly therapeutic when I saw the finished arrangements, though. This feeling of "I can't tell if I like it or hate it" reminded me of my thesis days lmao

I had originally planned to put them on 3x3 rubik's cubes, so I initially had to group them by a full set of 9 characters. But the distribution was so unbalanced that each look-alike group was either lacking or exceeding in numbers, and trying to evenly incorporate 'leftovers' into the other groups just looked forced as hell, visually. So, I gave up on the rubik's cube concept and just tried to match at least a row of just 3 look-alikes to then ascend or descend in complexity with their other cousin-distant-lookalikes.

EXAMPLE:

人　大　木

person・big・tree

▲These three I would consider 'cousins'. I wouldn't classify them together in a row of 3 because there are far more identical characters, but after I gather all of each of their sibling groups, I'd most definitely arrange them next to each other in succession as if the 人 was growing more limbs.

太　大　犬

fat・big・dog

▲These three I would consider 'siblings'.

It reminds me of twins that only have differing beauty marks for distinction.

▲And these...are kinda cursed ngl, my double takes had to do their own double takes everytime I would finish grouping something to the 'tree radical' family, and suddenly spotting another one I could've sworn was the exact same character. It made me feel like I was going insane lol I know that the context showing the connecting hiragana is usually a dead giveaway on which kanji it is, regardless of how similar in appearance + how it's going to be read... but man. It's so surreal seeing them all lined up next to each other?? All I see is a forest-

Somewhere along the way, my brain remembered about the elemental periodic table and drew some layouting inspiration from there, too. Ideally, I would love to have all the information already present at a single glance with each character. But with the limited display space, assigning chronological identification numbers on them for now would help in navigating this wide, colorful kanji blanket.

I might've discarded a couple of archaic / overly complex kanji that no one really uses for this list at this moment, but in total, there appears to be 952 rows of trios.

= A total of 2,856 kanji have been included. Unless I miscounted somewhere-

my back hurts-

【Personal Limits + Goals】

I've been learning Japanese the same way I have Englishーvery, very informally; simply picking up what I hear and read in random places and applying them to how my brain interpreted their usage. It's literally like 'playing by ear', musically? except I'm tone deaf as hell-

There are some words (both Eng and Jp) that I surprise even myself when I know how to say it, or suddenly somehow using it during very specific situations, even if I don't know how to define their exact meaning…or even how to pronounce them correctly. Then there's very basic words that are so foreign to me because I have never heard or seen them before, despite possibly being one of the first things teachers introduce in proper lessons.

I can understand verbal Japanese just OK (some common dialects are recognizable too, just as long as it ain't extreme keigo-), my attempt at constructed sentences is weab-level at best and my butchering of the intonations is an atrocity, but most importantly, I can't read most kanji I come across for the life of me without furigana. Even with it, it's usually too dang small in print to even read…

Basically the nutshell of my 'Japanese Reading Practice with Manga' series orz I was so worried about potential copyright infringements, but I misread everything, it just became transformative on its own--

※ADDITIONAL NOTE: There is the onyomi (Orig. Chinese reading used when compounding the character with another to create a word) and the kunyomi (general Japanese reading of the kanji) that I ranked as the 'most important' thing to learn for me...then there's their long-lost wayward sibling: Nanori for Japanese name readings.

It is a ｗｈｏｌｅ new world out there......and I'm good staying indoors, thanks- don't even get me started on kirakira name readings I will cry for those poor unfortunate souls deadass named things like 'PEGASUS' or 'ANGEL LOVE' as their government name good lord

Speaking of names, when I saw Kaedehara Kazuha's name (Genshin Impact) in kanji for the first time :

「楓原万葉」

I read it as "Kazewara Manba"💀he is Manba-kun to me now

ーEven if my overall proficiency is at kindergarten level, for now,

I want to improve at at least recognizing the correct kanji at a regular reading speedーwith no mistaken identities, frantic dictionary pulling-out, or furigana dependency necessary!★

And that's what I want to achieve first and foremost with...whatever this is I'm creating。

+ so I can read manga and novels in peace without constantly squinting at a magnifying glass orz Fluency is kinda moot in my case because... I don't talk to anyone lol-

also, online shtposting in the Jp meme side rly do hit different

　〘ーand I'd like colors to accompany me!〙

『Issue③:』 Every Kanji list overview, regardless of arrangement or method, always gives me anxiety with how sharply white and black it is. That minimalistic uniformity forces you to depend on shapes alone to make inferences... but then you see sht like:

土　VS　士　

(dirt)・(samurai)

末　VS　未

(tip)・(sign of the sheep)

where it's literally the subtlest of LINE LENGTH, a tiny splotch, or the more complex characters that don't even share the same radicals but because they both vaguely have a similar silhouette, they start looking confusing to the brain, I just...............colors are absolutely necessary!! At least, it is definitely the case for my very easily bamboozled noodle that demands distinctive visual variations. I am in the belief that shapes alone will not suffice to memorize the correct information when you have over 2,000 subjects to sift through that... literally copied each other's homework. They kept gaslighting me throughout the process- Ask a Chinese or Japanese friend today if they're doing ok bc holy sht how do ya'll live like this, especially when web browsers tend to squash anything exceeding 14 strokes at regular display font sizes I-

I made the ｺﾛﾚｯﾃKoroLife System (Kororette Life; a wish for a 'colorful life') that pushes more focus on the creative and productive use of colors and patterns for myself, initially for drawing composition purposes... but I found that it was something just as applicable with making everyday tasks way easier and fun to look at.

It eventually took over this project too, and finally gave me what I was looking forーinner peace with a lifetime of beef and animosity with kanji…but in style★

When I said I was a heavy visual learner... this is exactly what I meant-

So…this is my way of arranging nearly 3,000 kanji by rows of 3 visually identical characters that confuses my dyslexic 外人 dumdum the most + making use of colors for subcategorizing them according to their shapes. And, hey, they make for pretty neat stickers!

⇒[FREE TO DOWNLOAD!]

△contains x4 parts of higher quality of each quadrant (transparent bg) + this huge overview display map...or kanji blanket, however you see it as-

Unfortunately there's very little to make of it apart from a display, but as soon as I add some practicality to this system, I will compile them into the 0+ Resource Shop. For now, please feel free to personally use them however you like~! I'm already sticking 'em everywhere-

I divided them into 6 colored categories according to the character's overall perceived 'shape'*: ・Curves (orange)

・Sparks'n'mix (pink)

・Criss-crossing (dark blue)

・Lines (light blue)

・Cubes (yellow) ・囧ﾒ (violet)

・imperfect matches (green)

Highlighted ones are stand-outs, or visually the easiest to digest (to me anyway).

＊these are very arbitrary classifications with flawed, subjective internal logic that has been revised multiple times over. (eg. Even if something has a curve, if I feel like the overall shape has lines that stand out more, then it's in the light blue category instead.)

And with that, I think I'll call it...

The「色々色 / IROIROIRO」 Method!! otherwise known as the 色³ for short!!!

■ 「色」・いろ・(Iro)

➊lit. Color, tint, hue, shade ➋kind, type, variant

■ 「々」・のま・同の字点 / どうのじてん・(noma / dou no jiten)

Kanji repetition mark; placed beside a repeating kanji.

■ 「色色 / 色々」 ・いろ・(Iroiro)

various, all sorts of

■「³」・３乗足す / さんじょうたす・３の立方 / さんのりっほう・(san jyou tasu / san no rihhou)

mathematical term.; Cubed, to the power of 3 pls don't ask me for the actual application specifics, I get a 3/10 average on my math tests-

It's a fun pun! Kinda.

【Preliminary Conclusion】

Is it an effective strategy to master Japanese kanji at all, though? Maybe not. At least, probably not just by this visual display alone. I honestly don't expect anyone else benefitting much from this project, but it personally really reinvigorated me to continue studying Japanese again. It's strange how something that caused me so much feelings of dread and anxiety for the majority of my early teen years, suddenly feels so much fun to work with. All it needed was sleep deprivation, some touch of personalization, and a little bit of color!… ok, well, a lot of color-

It's a complete homebrew, unverified by anyone, and I guess a little insane, but I thought it turned out kinda cool anyway, so I thought I'd share it! What do you think? I'll write up an update about any further developments in this silly lil system the next time. I'm thinking of somehow fitting in all the definitions, readings, stroke orders, and maybe samples of their usage... but also in style★ somehow-

We'll workshop it, even if it takes another additional 8 months!!!

Until then! バイバイ(￣▽￣)／

つづく

➡To be continued...

・・・ホームページALL LINKS・・・

・Art Gallery・Commission Info・Ko-fi shop・

[epicdogymoment]

hey!! hope you don’t mind me contacting you - I saw in a tag that you found my literacy comic hard to read and really appreciated hearing that. organizing information clearly and accessibly is something I’m always trying to work on. I made the comic with my own visual/reading needs in mind, but I obviously only have my limited and personal experience!

I didn’t expect the comic to get traction before I edited in a transcript today, so I’m very grateful someone added an ID.

no pressure to answer, but if you have the bandwidth, do you mind telling me what made the comic hard for you to read? (layout, size or style of lettering, style of writing, color contrast, or something else?)

if you have extra bandwidth, besides including plaintext ID, do you have any suggestions about what tends to make things easier to read for you?

just gathering info for future projects, but I completely get if you’re not feeling like answering in detail. thanks so much either way! hope your day is going well.

hi! would like to start off by saying: i totally don't mind at all, and i'm glad you've decided to send this in, really.

link to the comic mentioned

[rest of the answer under the cut]

i should probably mention that i am in no way an expert in comicking or layout, just someone who struggles with reading comics sometimes, so definitely feel free to take all of this with a grain of salt

i'd say that the first thing that jumps out at me is that it's a lot of small text. it does read better on a computer screen (which is what i assume it was originally drawn on/meant to be read from) but on a phone screen, it really is hard to read

^ especially this section from the second page. while i do think the panelling here is quite smart, the text in the leftmost panel (the "tweet") and the rightmost panel (the "text messages") is far too small to read comfortably compared to the rest of the text, especially since they're both tilted

^ another textbox that's a little hard, also because of the slight odd angle combined with the size of the text

^ although, i found this one comparatively easier to read. the larger text really does help.

another thing that made it more difficult for me to read was that the order of textboxes was obscured by the layout sometimes, most obviously in the first page

^ after looking at this page for a while, it's obvious that the rightmost panel is supposed to be read, then the middle panel. but at a glance, it's not really visually clear, and the flow of the text is already a little harder to follow

it might be clearer to shift things around a little like this:

where either the entire middle panel begins lower, or the text and images start a little lower down.

^ similarly for this panel, it's a small thing, but the order is slightly obscured because the left panel (the first panel) is noticeably lower than the right panel (the second panel)

i've spent a lot of time picking apart your comic.... so i'd like to at least end off by saying that i really did enjoy it, even if it was a little difficult to visually latch onto for me! it is really lovely to look at visually, the colours are pleasing, i love the texture, and i was definitely happy to see an adapted version of that essay (which i just so happened to read recently. funny how that works)

anyway. once again i'm glad you decided to send this ask in, and i'm very, very happy to help. i sincerely hope that you found this helpful!

[jenuinedog]

Hi! Anon from before who asked about fluidity and such, I have another question: How do you learn to angle heads / do different perspectives?

Did you take classes, use 3D models, or something else?

So sorry for all the questions, I really want to get better at angles and posing and such - facial expressions are a breeze for me, but I just can't keep proportions, anatomy, or poses right in my head.

TL,dr, how did you learn about all this stuff?

Don't be sorry! Asking questions is how u learn! Lil disclaimer that i'm sorry in advance if this answer seems kinda vapid and lackadaisical :")

I've never taken art classes of any kind in my life. A lot of what I know is from observing how other artists draw and tweaking their processes to something that'll suit my workflow and style better. I admittedly don't use 3D models as often as I should, but they speed up the process IMMENSELY. Sometimes i'll load up a model posing program and use it for just the hands/fingers LOL. It's actually helped me be more aware of how to segment parts of the body so I can "memorize" them a bit better. I actually cannot picture most things in my head properly, so I struggle with keeping tabs on proportions and angles of shapes and poses mentally too 😭

A fun lil trick I do to help with head angles tho that might help is i'll draw a "sheet" of paper over my main head form:

For some reason, i've found that this helps me visualize where the face goes and where it fits within a 3D space. As long as i know the general direction the oc is facing, I can bend and stretch stuff to fit as need be. IDK it's a simple way for me to keep track while drawing, and pretty effective too! 👇🏽

ok these are sloppy n off model a bit, but hopefully you can see what i'm getting at ghjsdfg. I've found making the "sheet" bigger/smaller to suit whatever you're drawing can help narrow down the angle better if you're struggling. Thinking of the construction of shapes and how they sit in a 3D space is helpful too. Most art programs have perspective rulers that you can use to keep a kind of guide of where your drawing is sitting on a perspective plane/grid. I use them when trying to do more dynamic postures!

Other than that, I literally just google/youtube whatever it is i'm trying to work on and click through as many resources as I can. Make notes of what works for me, what doesnt, what I can pick apart and reconstruct. I got my start in art by tracing other people's art onto printer paper when i was younger (never shared 'em, obvs) before learning people posted step-by-step processes of how they draw on dA (it's how I learned what "guidelines" where and how to use them in sketching) and using those. I spent a lot of my more formative years just mimicking other people's drawing habits and quirks until I found a set that worked for me, and expanded on that with just messing around in my spare time. Sometimes the only thing that helps is working through it until I get a result I like.

If you are looking for a more technical approach and wouldn't mind some critique on your stuff, I recommend a site called Drawabox.com ! I've never personally used it, but I have artist friends who have, and while it does cost a fee to access some of the video lessons, there are still a bit of free resources you can take a peek on that might help!!

SORRY FOR THIS LAME ANSWER HFGSHDF I have a very flippant approach to my art. Work smart, not hard as I always say 👌🏽👏🏽

Good luck!!

[surely-galena]

NXX Boys as the Mystery Gang

I have no clue if someone has already done this, but this has been on my mind and I see no way where I can stick this pitch into an ao3 fic

I don't actually know the Mystery Gang as well as I think I do, but hey! I like analyzing things

WC: ~0.9K

DAVIS/the roomba as: Scooby-Doo

They're friendly and lovable sidekicks!

DAVIS, much like Scooby, is insanely overpowered (for good reason in canon, considering he's a powerful but benevolent AI)

They're both able to find things: DAVIS has access to cameras, internet history, and anything vaguely computer network related. If DAVIS wants to solve mysteries, I'm fairly certain he could

But here's where my pitch for the roomba comes in: did the cat find the roomba, or did the roomba find the cat? Maybe the roomba is actually secretly very good at scouting out clues. Anyway, the roomba has a lot of potential and I'm wondering if there are any further plans for it in canon

Luke Pearce as: Shaggy

If DAVIS is Scooby-Doo, then I pitch Luke as Shaggy purely because out of all the NXX boys, he's the most likely to be pals with DAVIS.

Also, if we also draw in Shaggy's love of food as Luke being happy to eat practically anything (SR 'Among the Great Blue', the goose card, the crabs) then that's another comparison I am willing to make

Shaggy is also occasionally the gang mechanic, which is fantastic for my point because Luke is always happy to take things apart and put them back together (computers, machines, I mean he owns an ANTIQUE SHOP)

AND! If you argue that Shaggy is the face of the Mystery Gang (I mean it's either him or Scooby) then I am copying and pasting Luke's dream of becoming a detective onto him. Both of them can be associated with solving mysteries! Luke adores the Sherlock Holmes series but I bet he and MC also grew up on Scooby-Doo!

Marius von Hagen as: Daphne

Daphne is fashionable, BUT

If we look at later versions of Daphne, it's shown that she is excellently skilled in martial arts (not quite sure which, I think it might be karate?) and that she's more than just a pretty face

So we have pretty pretty Marius von Hagen who does enjoy looking good and dressing well, but also hides his real interests, passions, feelings, etc. behind his shallow façade. Most people look at him and see someone who doesn't seem to take things seriously, who doesn't know anything about the world, etc., but this all tends to work in Marius' advantage -- he uses his presumed inexperience to make everyone let their guard down, thus allowing him to get what he needs, whether that be deals, information, that kind of thing.

We also know Marius can be absolutely vicious in the business world if he needs to be

And that's the dichotomy that I am placing on him: a pretty face who is far more dangerous than they seem.

Do not underestimate him at any cost

Vyn Richter as: Velma

If the NXX Investigation Team decide to go as the Mystery Gang for a costume party or [insert event], then at least he can keep his glasses as Velma

All of the NXX members are insanely intelligent, but Vyn "I have two doctorate degrees, whereas Artem has only one" Richter stands out

Velma is often linked to knowledge in science, and so is Vyn

Plus, Vyn's degree in psychology allows him to read people much more easily, and I argue that he's able to put together clues like Velma in this way.

I can also see him getting excited about learning new things, perhaps not visually, but internally he's genuinely ecstatic; knowledge is power but the process of collecting it is fun!! (cue odd look from Marius when Vyn mentions this)

Which leaves Artem Wing as... Fred

Okay, hear me out on this.

On his Which Scooby-Doo Character is the Best? video, JelloApocalypse states: "Fred is nothing, and that means Fred can be anything."

And to sort of draw back a little and look at Fred from a meta lens, Fred is boring because there are next to no personality traits attached to him -- hence the statement "Fred is nothing".

Artem, from your general Stellis citizen's point of view, is also boring. He's a workaholic who doesn't seem to think about anything else but his job. If you were to conduct a vertical cross-section of his brain, you would predict that you'd only find coffee and law books. No thoughts, head empty, just law.

But this, as we know, is untrue

Because as "Fred is everything", so is Artem

This is the sci-fi nerd we're talking about. This guy not only has a 99% win rate, is not only the youngest senior attorney, but also, along with an assortment of other things: reviews movies, fishes (and is good at it), is an excellent home cook for some reason, and knows how to use a gun

His resume is filled to the brim with so many skills that he might as well be Toodles from Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, ever present and somehow helpful

The only thing he Cannot Do is art

Fred can generally also be classified as a himbo, but unfortunately, with the NXX boys' extreme individual intelligence, I don't think I can draw that parallel here

But! Fred does pretty well in positions of leadership, and so does Artem (not necessarily in the NXX because they're all equal there, but in the law firm)

oh yeah also Fred's classic ascot could easily translate into Artem's tie

[siren-virus]

Ok, first question about Luckyboy!AU, Rook has a girlfriend? As far as I know in cannon he doesn't even have a love interest? thought that might be my fault since it's been years since I've watched any Ben 10 series (really have to rewatch some eppisodes here :P) Who is she and what is she like? Has Rook ever taken her girlfriend in a date to the coffee shop? How much of a tease is Ben with Rook when he isn't on a date? And how much of a wingman is he when he is in one?

How is Ben's social life outside his Nekomata persona by the way? I imagine he still has some friends since he's a charismatic extrovert, but with how different everything is here compared to the prime timeline, I can't see who he might be friends with besides Julie.

Now, let's make some questions that aren't about Ben :D With the amount of invasions that Earth has had over the years is the general public privy of the existence of aliens as something more than just tourists that one almost never sees, or do they know but only aknowledge it when they see an alien in person? How is the general people view of aliens regardless?

Also, does Gwen 10 have good or bad public relations? Like, does Will Harangue berate her and turn the public against her, or is she lucky enough that he's focused on Nekomata and not her? How do the humans see her, as a hero, a child soldier, a menace, a necessary evil?

Also also, how do the Plumbers play in the whole PR thing? Do they manipulate everything so the humans have the view they think is the healthiest between humans and aliens? Do they only play damage control whenever alien activity is reported to the public? Are they known or are they still an underground organization? How does the public view them as, considering they're basically intergalactic police that aren't the most competent, specially considering that some countries have beef with their own police forces?

Now, to leave all of the political and heavy talk behind, how often does Ben play with Ship and Julie? Like, they're friends, obviously Ben gets petting privilegies and becomes a pet sitter whenever Julie has to go on a tournament and can't take care of them herself. PET SHENANNIGANS MUST ENSUE THERE, AND YOU CAN'T CONVINSE ME OTHERWISE XD

Also, I imagine a scenario where Kevin and Gwen enter the coffee shop unaware that the other is in there and Ben does everything in his power to force them to sit on the same table, reminding both of them that this is a true neutral zone and "Please don't break anything here and remember to play nice, if you manage to get through this without punching eachother I'll give you a discount on your next coffee", which is a very good offer if they think about it. Meanwhile Argit is waiting at the bar watching over the situation "Bet you 10 bucks they'll be shouting over eachother in 5 minutes" "Bet you it takes them 10 minutes"... It takes them 7 and a half minutes exactly and they can't decide who wins the bet. "There's no way they're getting out of this hating eachother any less" "As long as they don't break anything and don't bother the other clients, I count it as a win"

So Rook had an established relationship in Omniverse with Rayonna, she was introduced abit later in the series when Ben and Rook with to Revonnah. It was a very 2D relationship, just put there maybe cause of the whole shipping fiasco between Ben and Rook(?) don't take my word for it ;;

For the Lucky Boy! AU, they're together, but it's been years since Rooks been to Revonnah, crime never takes a break, neither does he. So his relationship with Rayonna is very flakey, they're on the verge of breaking up, buuut due to Revonnahgander traditions, they're together still. (pulling this out of my ass ;; )

Rook ends up mentioning he has a girlfriend at some point, it was just a casual thing, Ben won't bring up the topic because the way Rook talks about Rayonna makes him feel a little bit iffy towards the subject.

Outside of work and the Nekomata persona Ben's a little awkward in the social circumstances. At that point his social battery's almost completely clocked out. So unless he's dragged out by his friends, Julie, his old soccer mates - although it's happening a lot less now, since school finished a while ago and they're moving on with their own lives- (i refuse to call it football), Alan, if they both end up clocking out at the same time. OR, Rook. Sometimes Max if he's around will invite Ben for lunch or an afternoon snack run. (Mr smoothies, with a "healthy" dose of chillie fries. Best way to lure Ben out.)

Hell yeah, let's get down to the world building buisness, my favourite cup of tea.

Humans are very knowledgeable about alien existence, you'd have to be pretty ignorant to not believe in aliens. (I mean, lets face it, in the world we live in today, I bet, that if aliens did show themselves, some group would just say they're government actors, or russian/chinese spies. Comical, but sadly a realistic scenario...)

With the amount of invasions that have happened, and the daily attacks- normally done by humans with access to alien tech- Humans are quite fearful of them. Which has urged the plumbers to keep the aliens that live on earth down underTown.

It's not all humans of course, just most. Media influence has also pushed the feardar way up.

Will Harangue, surprisingly uplifts Gwen 10 to the eyes of the public, he's also much more focused on Nekomata. (bad news= views= good news). In Harangues personal opinion though, he'd prefer no aliens at all. So he does let his badmouthing of Gwen slip sometimes.

They do a lot of damage control, their original goal was to keep alien life hidden from the public until they(the people) were deemed ready, however, not so easy when an invasion happens nearly once a month. At least it's all limited to Bellwood. For now...

The plumbers are known to the public but aren't like your typical police force- you can't just call them. But they're always around on patrol. The police aren't exactly fond of them cause "They're terking our jerbs". But they have a joint thing going on, the police handle the human crimes, unless alien tech is involved, and the plumbers handle the alien crimes.

The public views them as an iffy subject, not exactly hailed as heroes, but more of a neutral, they're here to stay I guess, kinda thing. The focus is on Gwen mostly, as the poster child(adult) of the plumbers. (this is where I really wanna separate reality and fantasy, cause like, the issues with the police at the moment is major sooo, eh, it's a touchy subject matter)

Yes to this one. When Julie's away Ben and Ship play. Ben and Julie don't meet up often, work and the vigilante life make Ben way too busy, buuut when they do meet up Julie will pop by Bens apartment - Ben makes sure nothing incriminating is around if that's the case - , or they'll hang out at the dog park, and watch the dogs go ballistic around Ship.

For the pet scenarios, visualize them to your hearts content. I got some cats laying around for my reference... even though they mostly sleep- lazy bastards.

Yes to this too! Argit and Ben would totally make bets- Ben being an anodite can sense Kevin and Gwens emotions and when they're gonna break out into a fight- So he always wins the bets. Argit has learned to not bet too high when it comes to that- if he actually forks up in the first place- .

In the case Kevin and Gwen had broken out into a fist fight, Kevin obsorbing the marble counter, Gwen turning into fourarms. Ben nearly broke his cover trying to prevent any fights, until a coworker had stepped in and promptly kicked them both out. (maybe I'll design some coworkers)

Now to get me some mint tea, cause my fingers are about to freeze off ;;

[pbandjesse]

Today was a pretty good day. There was a big stressful part of the beginning but the majority of the day was very good. There was even a special surprise. And yoga.

I slept super poorly last night. I couldn't fall asleep for forever because I felt sick and nauseous and bad. And then when I did fall asleep I woke up a few times again. Air conditioner turned off in the middle of the night and James rollover next to me and I woke up just horribly uncomfortable. He wouldn't turn the air conditioning back on that because he always takes care of me. And I was able to sleep until about 7.

James was awake and told me I could keep sleeping but I didn't really want to. I wanted to lay there so I just played on my phone for a while. And then I got up. I got cleaned up and dressed and I felt okay.

I hung in my hammock for a little bit and then James told me he made a waffle. And I was like okay. And I was confused because he had asked me what I wanted for breakfast last night and I said I was going to have the avocado scramble thing I made the other day. And then he remembered that after he made the waffle and felt very bad. But it was fine. He made the thing I wanted and he had the waffle for breakfast instead.

I got the best boyfriend.

We hung out for a while and then left to go to the bus. James walked me there. And then bus proceeded not to show up for almost a half an hour. I was very frustrated. Because it was supposed to be there at 9: 30 but it didn't come until almost 9:50. And we had been there since 920. So I was very stressed out and I hate being late!! I texted Tiffany and let her know and I was just very distressed.

I was about 15 minutes late in the end. Sucks. I'm going to try to get an earlier bus tomorrow. So even if it runs late I will hopefully have the same issue. Because seriously we were three blocks away from access art and our bus driver saw someone on the street that he knew and he park the bus and got off to go have a conversation with him. I was losing my mind.

But I got there and everyone was fine. We're just lesson planning so it wasn't like I was missing anything yet but I hate being late. We all kind of bullshitted and talked for a little bit and then the teacher from holistic Life Center came.

He was a really nice guy. He told really funny stories and he was young and covered in tattoos and wearing a Orioles yoga shirt. He mostly talked about mindfulness. A little bit of yoga. And we learned a lot about breathing exercises. I felt very Vindicated and validated about the types of breathing exercises I already do with the kids when they're upset or hurt. But I learned some really interesting ones today. Specifically that I breathe wrong and I'm trying to retrain myself but it's very hard. It was very enjoyable even though I hated sitting in the folding chairs for that long. My feet don't reach the ground and it's uncomfortable.

But we also played a couple mindfulness games at the end of that was cool. Stuff that we can use in the classroom and it's awesome. I'm really glad that we were able to do that.

We had a late lunch. Marcus went down the street and got me a spring roll. Was very good. And I worked on my lesson plan. Almost out. I think I'll probably end up finishing it tomorrow. And then I'll go back in and make sure it's all good. I also think I want to use a couple other visual things for the classroom. And maybe add some tutorial images of some kind. We have tomorrow and Friday to finish lesson plans. And even with my brain breaks where I sketched tattoo ideas I still got a lot done.

While I was taking a break on my lesson plan I was looking at eBay and I got a crazy good deal on a Furby buddy. Something that I've been trying to get for 2 months now there's a little plush versions of the Furbies. I don't absolutely love them but people use them to make the long Furbies. And I'd like to try my hand at that. And I got one for $5. Usually they go for $35 to $40. I am very excited. I think I'm going to use it slightly as part of my example for my quilt making lesson. I'm going to make its belly pattern based off of Victorian crazy quilts. I'm very excited.

At 3 we finished up. We all decided on which weeks we should be teaching our lessons and when. Was decided that my quilt project would go first which makes me slightly nervous but it's probably a good idea. Because it's community building project we're going to kind of have all the kids get out there art things right away before they jump into other projects and I think that will work out nicely.

And then me and fitsum went home. His driving kind of makes me nauseous. Lot of fast speed up and then stopping. But we had a nice conversation about capitalism and its downfalls. And talked about apartments because he's moving as well. We saw a couple meet cars that we pointed out and talked about. It was a good time.

He dropped me off and I made some food. Did a couple packing things. Made a pile of the furniture and getting rid of. And just kind of hung out. Me and James were going to have dinner together but I kind of just wanted to be by myself a little bit. My dad's going to come visit this weekend and he's going to take the bed. So really these are the last couple days I'm ever going to live alone if all goes according to plan. And it feels very strange. I've lived alone for a long time. But I am excited. Nervous but excited.

I was just kind of chilling. Even though it was too humid in here to call it chilling. Playing Animal Crossing and watching videos. And then I decided to go check the mail.

I was excited because I had a package. But then I saw that there was a letter in there as well from the Minneapolis Apartment project. Which means it's from the class action settlement. Which means it's a check. When we won the settlement last year they said that we would get all of our rent back. But of course it was going to go into appeals. So we would probably just get a portion of our rent back. And honestly getting any amount of money from living in those apartments would be fine. But I was so nervous about opening this check. So he opened my package first. And it was socks! very exciting. I was looking forward to those socks. They're black and they have little hearts on them.

But I couldn't put off opening the check any longer. And I did and if I did my math right I thought about nine months worth of rent back. And the checks that this might not be the only check. That I might get more? Like after all the lawyers and fees are paid if there's anything left over there going to send another check. That's wild. And like all of my money stress. The $40 me and James got scammed out of the other day. James his bike breaking. Moving. All of it. This kind of feels like a buffer. We don't have to worry about it now. Least for a while. And I'm making more money and if he gets this job he's going to be at making more money. And even if he doesn't get this job he's going to keep looking until he does get something good. Don't have to be so stressed out and nickel-and-diming ourselves all the time. it's exciting. It feels Like the universe is telling me everything's going to be okay. That means using my white privilege to help make the lives of my neighbors and Minneapolis better is being rewarded. And that sometimes being a good person and trying to help other people does pay off in the end. And sometimes in cash.

I kind of didn't know what to say when I open the check. So I called James and let him know. And then I called my dad. We talked about taxes and he's going to check with the tax lady to make sure that I have put enough aside next year. I don't want to have an issue. But yeah it's exciting. And it was good to hear dad. He sounds a lot better. And he's looking forward to coming on Sunday and I'm looking forward to having him here. We're going to patch holes but hopefully we'll also do something else. Maybe we'll eat some good food and maybe we'll go see something interesting. Unsure of what yet but I'll figure that out.

I called Jess next to let her know. And she was very excited for me. And then I went back to packing. I brought more stuff from the basement. I broke down all of my Furby boxes. I don't know why I'm keeping them but it feels weird to throw them away. So flat in the Middle East to put them in storage. And I use the box that I have been storing them in to put kitchen stuff in. Paper towels and Ziploc bags. That one bottle of alcohol I always have. And then I took a shower. I painted my toenails and I'm just watching videos and enjoying my night.

Back to lesson planning tomorrow. And then I think falafels with James. No matter what it's going to be a good day. I can feel it. Hope you all have a good night tonight. Be kind to each other. Go out of your way for someone else. Don't expect anything in return. Good night

[voicesfromthelight]

Channeled Lessons in Psychic Development 7: On The Importance of Humility and Discipline in Protecting Your Energetic Integrity (Don't Dabble with Darkness)

When we first begin searching for greater knowledge and understanding of the spirit world, it can be easy to get confused about which paths to explore, especially in the current age of nearly unlimited access to information. There is a smorgasbord of practices to choose from out there. What will be in our highest interest? What is real, what is our imagination? What traditions are legitimate? What constitutes tangible evidence of the spirit world? Furthermore, how do we define our ethical and spiritual boundaries with the greatest integrity in a world where lines can quickly become blurred? With all the different styles of spiritual practice available to us, it is increasingly common to see people do away with scruples, with practices such as manipulative spell-casting, conjuration, hexing and tool-driven paranormal research becoming increasingly mainstream. If we are meditating regularly, have a strong spiritual practice, and keep our psychic protection strong, is it safe for us to engage with darker forces in the spiritual or occult world? Can we trust ourselves to keep negative repercussions at bay? While my guides always stress the importance of confidence, trust and fearlessness, it turns out that the answer to this last question isn’t always that simple.

A while ago, I learned a helpful lesson about this, when, after years of being curious about the subject since having a memorable dream of a similar contraption as a child, I decided to test a “ghost box” app on my phone. Yes, there were reasons to be skeptical, and I had other misgivings, but I was curious to see if anything would come out of it. (Did I listen to my gut that time? No!) The idea behind the app, based on an analogue counterpart, is to provide the spirit world with static noise that can be manipulated to form words. The trouble with this kind of thing, of course, as opposed to when channeling loved ones or spirit guides mentally or energetically, is that those intelligences able to work with this kind of apparatus will generally be of the “stuck” variety, hanging around the physical dimension out of fear, addiction, or unfinished business.

In short, the app seemed to work, and some of what came through was not too pretty. Some words that cropped up, as I was testing the app near a park, revolved around the theme of drugs. I figured that I was better off not using it. When I asked Natalie what she thought, as expected, the verdict was simple: “Bad energy. Don’t use it.” Uncharacteristically side-stepping her advice, out of continued curiosity, I used it a second time, with the idea that my psychic protection and prayers to cross over any earth-bound entities would neutralize whatever lower vibrations I might pick up. That night, I ended up with vivid nightmares of my home being invaded by a gang of drug addicts, in a manner similar to when I have experienced hauntings. I smudged my apartment, meditated, said some prayers, and did my best to send my uninvited guests into the light. When I spoke to my guides later that day, after gently rebuking me for letting my curiosity get the better of me, Natalie informed me that these hungry souls, indeed more than a dream, were merely on vacation from my home, and might return despite my corrective measures. “Why do you return to fearful energy before giving yourself time to recover? Do not listen to fearful voices. Fear needs energy to grow. Don’t use the app."  she reiterated. How to cross them over for good, then? “Love more,” she said. She then walked me through a crossing-over meditation in which, after a couple of attempts, I succeeded in raising my vibration high enough to send my spiritual squatters home to Source. This protocol for crossing over spirits, which I will share with you in greater detail in my next post, has become one of the most useful tools in my spiritual arsenal. So, in the end, my spiritual hubris served a higher purpose in teaching me this valuable lesson.

That day, Natalie stressed to me that it is important to recognize the limits of our power as psychic practitioners, not in the sense of how much we can be of service, or how high we can reach for guidance, but in the sense of having the humility to protect our energy by not dabbling in practices that entertain entities or energies that excite fear or morbid fascination in us, even if we think our psychic protection is strong enough to handle it. “Some psychics believe that power is all-important. This is wrong. When the energy is bad enough, power doesn’t help. When you listen to fearful voices, you diminish your energy. Words are good for protection, but not enough.” We shouldn’t let our curiosity, or in worse cases, desperation, lead us astray. Anything that inspires feelings in us, however subtle, of anxiety, trepidation or helplessness will interfere with our ability to be clear channels. We must be disciplined about where we direct our thoughts, what emotions we choose to nurture, what spiritual company we keep, and the standard of integrity to which we hold ourselves as practitioners. This is how we keep our connection to the highest possible realm of guidance open and strong.

“But wait,” you might say. “Aren’t we supposed to be able to help souls in need of crossing over? A scared person isn’t necessarily evil. I thought love was stronger than fear!” While this is true, in accordance with the earlier lesson on exchanging energy vs. exchanging information, what Natalie has explained to me is that it is not necessary for us to engage with lower vibration energies in an extended way in order to help them. Any work done in this capacity should be done as quickly and efficiently as possible, through focusing on raising one’s vibration high enough through love, excitement and gratitude to Source to a) render your own vibration incompatible with that of the entity and b) catapult them into a higher dimension themselves. (As one of my mentors, the Huna healer Evelyn Wakeman once told me: “The person with the biggest aura wins!”) Dwelling on this type of exchange any longer than necessary will needlessly taint the spiritual worker’s energy through feeding the lower vibration with attention, and also probably stem from an ego-based need to “prove” something, either about the ability of the practitioner, or the reality of the spirit world.

Here are some quick tips for keeping your energetic integrity strong and your channel clear, even if you sometimes accidentally pick up nuisances. Each one of them could be the subject of an entire post all on their own, but these general concepts should still be helpful:

Always do your mediumistic or channeling work from within a “closed circuit” built with your spirit guides and protectors. (Sandy Anastasi has some great instructional videos on this.)

Meditate and pray regularly, and include visualizations of a strong but flexible bubble of white light, or another type of shield that suits you, enveloping your aura.

Take good care of your physical body. Eat in a way that makes you feel healthy, exercise in a way that brings you joy, dress in a way that makes you feel happy and comfortable, tend to any physical ailments, and especially importantly, get adequate sleep as consistently as possible.

Take regular, intentionally charged baths or showers for energy purification, while visualizing the water showering blessings and healing on you.

Natalie says, “To expect me is to invite me.”  In her case, it is comforting to know my sweet, wise guide is a thought away, but the heart of the lesson is that spirit moves swiftly, and your thoughts invite their energetic match. Avoid thinking about scary stories or disturbing spiritual concepts. Orient yourself to thoughts of love, compassion, humor,  gratitude and excitement. Laugh often. Thank your guides, guardians and Source for elevating and protecting you. If you are at a development circle, and someone ill-advisedly starts talking about some scary apparition they saw, mentally close off your energy field and if possible, leave the room. Do not listen to it. On the other hand, if you find yourself entertaining troubling thoughts, do not dwell on it as a failure and thereby turn it into a vicious cycle. “Forgive yourself,” says Natalie, and move on quickly.

Regularly meditate on releasing any emotional blockages you might be harboring in your body or energy field. (Shamanic drum meditations are great for this.)

If you engage in a disturbing activity such as watching a horror movie, do something joyful to counteract it, such as dancing vigorously with friends, and consider taking a day or two off from channeling before resuming your practice.

Always properly open and close out any type of psychic work sessions with opening and closing prayers. Forgetting to close out a session properly is the easiest way to end up with spirits pestering you outside “office hours,” and doing so is neither productive nor sustainable. Do not let your ego trick you into thinking that being constantly open to any spirit that wants your attention makes you a better medium.

Did you ever have an experience that taught you a valuable lesson about psychic discipline? What practices would you add to these tips?

[inevitably-johnlocked]

[221B#1] Hey Steph, there is one thing I don't understand and I really want to know what you think about it. Baker Street has two more floors over Sherlock's floor. Mrs Hudson says there's a room upstairs, which I suppose means the floor just above Sherlock's. But that leaves a whole floor empty, not to mention that John's floor has floor has to be as big as Sherlock's. So I'm wondering, is the last floor another flat, 221D, probably empty? Or is 221B your average property in central London +

[221B#2] with too many bedrooms, where the living room and the kitchen would be common rooms to whoever rented those rooms? I know they probably never even thought about that when making the show and as they picked an existing building they couldn’t exactly take a floor down or anything, but I’ve been wondering. In fics, it always seems that there’s not enough room for Sherlock + John + baby, but really there is a whole floor and a half empty for John to move in? Ah well, it’s been nagging

[221B#3] me for a bit, thought I’d share :) I’m curious if anybody addressed this before or if there’s some headcanon for this I’m not aware of.

Hi Nonny!

Ah, I think you are correct! 221 Baker Street is thin and tall, not wide like most apartments we think of here in NA. 221A is Mrs. Hudson’s small flat. 221C is the Basement, and 221B is 2 floors, which consist of the common area, kitchen, and master bedroom, and the floor above which is John’s room, and then probably access to an attic room. I would imagine it’s actually used as an attic, but it has been suggested on the multitude of floor plans I found that Mrs. Hudson could possibly live up there (which makes no sense because of her hip).

So yes, John’s bedroom might be the bigger of the two bedrooms, and he probably has also has an ensuite bathroom as well (just a toilet and sink). I did a google search for ‘221 baker street floor plans’, and I found this interesting website that made a diagram for a dollhouse they are / have made, so perhaps those visuals will help you a bit better. Sherlockology also has a floorplan (this is the one I’ve seen) but it doesn’t address the mysterious top floor.

I think the top floor has been a mystery for us for awhile, especially since in fandom we usually make John’s room the top-most floor that’s always leaky and draughty LOL. I headcanon the top floor is an attic / storage floor, since I would imagine in a building as old as 221 it would be rather uninhabitable or insulated very well. A lot of older buildings seem to have that top attic floor for storage. 

[traumabrained]

Tw for abuse So my parents abuse me, mostly physical from my mother, mostly verbal from my father. I've always coped with the abuse by acting calm and taking it, hiding, or attempting to descalate it and hoping I don't piss them off further. But recently I've started to act out with anger. Not just with them, with my little sister who yells as much as my father, and with animals. Not the ones I own, though. I'm afraid. What's happening to me? I shouldn't be angry. Being angry gets you killed.

while its certainly frightening, its also (as far as i can tell, with my own experiences and the experiences of others i’ve talked to) a normal response. essentially, either your brain thinks it’s safer and is deciding to start processing trauma (which doesn’t seem likely), or else you and your brain are both fed up. there’s really always a limit to how much someone can take, and it looks like you’ve reached that limit. since that can get you in trouble and also cause collateral damage (to the animals, or to your little sister, though “collateral damage” doesnt include self defense), i’m going to give you a few tips that might help you deal with the anger in a way that won’t make your parents abuse even worse.

 (please note that since i dont know your exact situation, some or all of these might not be feasible; if that’s the case, you can message me again with more details if you want? and i’ll look for some different things)

exercise: i know this sounds like everyone’s irritating neurotypical relative but i promise you that if you can do it, it will help. exercise:

  decreases stress and anger

 helps you feel in control (even if you’re not. but it gives you hope, which is very valuable in abusive situations, right?) and 

prepares you for physical attacks, if they get so bad that your options are fight back, run, or die.

im going to assume that you don’t have equipment that you can use, but if you do, use it. if not:

running--can be done anywhere, and it costs no money. if you think you will need to hide it from your parents, then go out very early in the morning, if possible (or late at night, but the morning is usually a lot safer, and no-one will be paying attention to you. literally anyone you pass will be pre-ocupied with going to work or school, and they will usually be too tired to even look up from their coffee). also try to use a specific pair of clothes--t-shirt, shorts if you have them, one sports bra if you use those, to minimize the amount of sweaty clothes you’ll be putting in the wash. during exercise is a good time to maybe think about your abusers--let yourself get mad. let yourself get pissed, if you can, and use the anger to run even harder. i did this a lot when i still lived with my parents, and it probably saved my life.

weights--you can often buy them pretty cheap on amazon or in a store, but if your parents are monitoring your purchases then you can use gallon jugs of water/milk (if they dont buy galons of water/milk then u can buy 1 gallon of water for around 1USD in most stores, which would be easier to hide and explain than any purchase of exercise equipment). fill the gallons with water, and lift them--you can google “dumbbell exercises” for some exercise routines. do this in the early morning if possible.

push-ups/sit-ups--these are probably the least satisfying to do, at least for me? but also the easiest if you aren’t able to get outside early morning, or if you’re absolutely not going to be able to buy any kind of weights. if you can’t do a full push-up, try working up to it by putting your weight on your knees, instead of your toes.

i recommend that you look into proper technique before you do any of these--im just trying to give you ideas.

if exercise isn’t feasible for any reason, then art is the next way to go. a lot of trauma survivors (especially child abuse survivors) write poetry. visual art is also a good outlet but i’ve found that it’s usually a bit less cathartic. if your parents go through your things regularly, then either make a new tumblr account and tell nobody about it, and write your stuff there, or (if tumblr isnt safe) write only on single sheets of printer/notebook paper and burn or shred them immediately after you’re done. 

if you think you’re not a good enough writer to do this, then listen: you’re not writing this for it to be good. you’re not. it doesn’t matter at all. no-one else will ever read it. you don’t even have to read it again. it doesnt have to look or sound good. the only objective is to process your trauma and anger. the plus side is that no matter what, you will improve your writing by doing this, so if you are interested in being a poet, or already are, then writing trauma poetry will only help you. i recommend poetry instead of prose (prose is anything that isn’t poetry) because you don’t have to worry about structure, or about it making sense/having a plot. it can be really hard at first, especially if you don’t usually write a lot. if you need to, you can try using these prompts (they probably arent all applicable but if you can finish any of these sentences in your head, then you can write a poem about it) (possible trigger warning, skip the bullet points if you need to)(i’m just going to use “they” because any gender of person could do this and i don’t want to make assumptions but you can swap out the pronouns if necessary)

they wouldn’t stop ...

i don’t feel safe ...

they hit me when ...

i feel like i stopped existing at [age]...

i don’t want to be here ...

when you are writing, let yourself get mad, if possible. nothing you write will have any consequences if you burn the page, right? nothing is out of bounds. write anything and everything. write about how they’ll burn in hell. about how you hope they get murdered gruesomely. about how you’ll rip them into pieces the next time they touch you. anything. if you can’t summon anger, that’s okay. you can also write about how you feel like you’re rotting. you can write about how you miss when they were good to you. or how they were never good to you, but you miss it anyway. about how when you get out, you’ll have a nice apartment with someone you love (platonically or romantically, it doesnt matter), and maybe a pet, and how you’ll go to the bakery down the street sometimes and get croissants and sit in the sun and how it will be okay. how you’ll never have to see them again. how safe you’ll be. how happy you’ll be.

any of that will be cathartic, i promise you. i started writing poetry at the age of 12, and all of it was about my abuse. it was bad--i went back and read it a few months ago, and i’ve improved a hell of a lot since then. i’ve worked through a lot of my trauma, partially with a therapist, but mostly with my writing. it’s easier than therapy for me, because no-one else can see me while i do it. it’s easier to break down every part of the abuse, to analyze it. and after writing a poem, i always feel drained, like i just lanced an infection or something. i dont know. but writing works. i promise.

therapy is the last thing thing on my list here because its very inaccessable to a lot of people. minors, anyone without insurance, or anyone in a rural area is going to have a hell of a time getting therapy, you know? so that’s why its last. if you have a good therapist, it’ll probably be the most helpful of all of these, but even that is a hit and miss (i’ve seen at least a dozen therapists, psychiatrists, psychologists, and mixtures of both, and i always seem to get the people who don’t believe me, who think that yelling at me will fix problems, who report everything to my parents. but not everyone’s like that--i just have some incredibly shit luck).

if you can get a therapist, do. they can help immensely. if you can’t, then try the other things until you can get to a position where therapy is accessable for you.

i hope this helped, im sorry its so long? and im sorry it took like a week gah

[barnegat67-blog]

Looking for Affordable apartments for rent in ocean county NJ

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