#and i don't! like I'm couple hours over 29 days clean rn. so it's not like i indulge the desire or anything. it just gets more and more
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when I love something this much and get overwhelmed by it whyyyye does it then make me want to harm
#like it happens more and more often lately#and i don't! like I'm couple hours over 29 days clean rn. so it's not like i indulge the desire or anything. it just gets more and more#frequent that that desire is there like the overwhelm threshhold keeps getting closer and closer to my everyday life and that scares me tbh#bc im not even back at uni yet#this is why i think it's veryvery likely that the habit will :) return :) with a vengeance during uni :) (aaaaaa :(((( )#tw sh#personal#puddleglum hours#i don't UNDERSTNAD this i hate it#i hate it so damn much#can i just. does that mean i cannot actually experience things that bring me pleasure because somehow that magically translates to#'go harm so you can calm down' like what is my brain doing i hate this#also it makes it harder to breathe as wel apparently#and ive got hardlyanything done this evening and i had stuff to do :<#so! i had a wonderful time watching that film and now i hate myself :)
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