#and i didn't have any confidence before but now im actually willing to post stuff

[thesunmakesmetired]

My brain: hey do you want this random fic idea

Me: I do, but I haven't written anything in a while so I doubt I'll be able to write it

Brain:

Me:

Brain: *trows it on me* have fun getting rid of that now *runs off*

Me:

Me:

Me: well shit-

[fallininyou]

I had that same problem with a friend in high school! we were both going through stuff and I'd let her talk on and on about what she was going through, then as soon as I wanted to talk about what I was dealing with they'd be like "oh I have to do this assignment right now" or something or "oh I have to leave to do this thing" like the *second* I started to talk about my life. once they legit walked away from me in the middle of a conversation. I cried for like, two days bc I was so hurt. it basically turned into my rep era (pre reputation album so when that album came out man did it feel great to listen to) bc that friend and her other friend got the story about how *I* was the problem to the whole school before I did. like I was left with 2 people on my side out of a group of over 30 that I regularly chatted with but those 2 people didn't eat lunch on campus so I just ate alone for the last half of my senior year of high school.

the best part of this story is that during the summer, that friend texted me to say they were sorry about how everything happened and that they missed having me as a friend. I said I would agree to be friends if they wanted to address the communication issues that led to us not being friends because I didn't want to run into the same problems later on, but they refused. I said I hoped they'd have a nice summer but I wasn't willing to be friends if they couldn't address it. just shows me that they wanted someone to support them without being supportive back but it was a confidence booster that they did want me back even though I didn't let them back.

the whole thing sucked, but it really made me see that if someone can't be as supportive of you as you are them, you're better off not having them around at all because of how draining it is. in my case, it was better to be totally alone than to have friends that were only there when they needed me and not when I needed them. I'm sorry you have to go through that, because no one should, but truly, you're better off without them if they're not willing to put the same work in that you are. if you need anything or want me to go into more detail if you think that may help you, lmk-reputation anon💚

oof that’s so so hard and extremely draining, even more in high school when it involves how everyone else perceives you. i’m sorry for you!! i think we all cross paths with someone like that at one point and it teaches us what we can’t accept in friendships or any relationship basically. i actually have/had a friend like that, she’d always talk to me for hours about her boy issues and when i had to talk about what i was going through that was more serious than a guy texting me or not she just wouldn’t know what to say or wouldn’t even ask me or would change the subject so i distanced myself cause i don’t have anything to talk about with someone like that, they’ve been there in other ways like picking me up when i needed to take some fresh air outside my house but she’s just someone you can’t talk with so we just see each other on our birthdays and other people’s.

this friend i’m talking about in the post tho is really a good friend who has always been there for me and will always hear me out if i text her or if im alone with her but we have a group of friends, we are four, and when we are all together she acts like that. she always comes and the day revolves around her issues or she stars crying and that’s okay you know i want my friends to be able to cry with me but sometimes im sure the others in the group want to cry too or i want to cry too!! but by the time she’s done wit hi her thing the mood is so down that no one else feels like adding to it with our shit. like yesterday we went to the park and we wanted to get together cause one of the other girls is having surgery this week and we won’t be able to go visit her at the hospital bc of covid and she was scared and wanted to just be with us and talk but it was the thing we talked about the less cause the other friend just won’t prioritize our problems ever or if we ever get the opportunity to start talking first she then will try to come up with more of her problems. i know it’s good that she feels comfortable enough to do that and she should but we should too i think. now i still feel drained a day later lol and i know we should talk to her but the four of us have been friends for 10 years and it’s just one of those things you kinda have to accept cause you love them and it’s one bad thing in the middle of many good things she brings to the table :/

thanks rep anon lol you can talk to me whenever you want too! 💖