#and i can't even find good examples for that online because nobody wants to share them bc you're supposed to think for yourself

[disdaidal]

The moment I think I'm finally getting the hang of this thing, I don't. And it puts my mood down instantly.

[writingquestionsanswered]

It feels like I often see passionate people release a project they’ve been working on, only for it to turn out that their writing is terrible and nobody likes their work. I‘m afraid of not being able to objectively judge my writing (or creative work in geneural) and that it is terrible and I don’t realize it. How can I tell if I’m truly a bad writer? And how do I make sure I can get good? How do I overcome to fear of being bad and how can I get better unbiased reviews on my work?

Making Sure Your Writing is As Good as You Think

How to Improve Your Writing Skills

Let's start here. Something I think a lot of newer writers don't understand about good writing is that it takes time and practice. The first story you write... maybe even your tenth story... probably isn't going to be publishable no matter how hard you work on it. And I say "probably" because once in a blue moon someone writes a first story that's so good, they knock it out of the park, but that's extremely rare. When you see those passionate people whose stories are panned, it's almost always a situation where someone posted or published too soon. They shared their work before they've had time to hone their writing skills.

So, the big secret to improving your writing skills is to understand and accept that it's going to take time. You're going to write a lot of stories that you're passionate about, but those stories are probably not good enough to share widely--and that's okay. Most writers go through this, especially ones who are self-taught rather than learning through formal education or even writing workshops and courses.

Once you've accepted this, your goal is to just write. You need to build up a body of finished stories without worrying about sharing or publishing each one. If one strikes you as particularly good, earmark it for later, because you can always go back and revise it for wide sharing/publishing later on when you know you're ready.

Outside of writing and writing a lot, here are other things you can do to improve your writing skills:

Read. A LOT. Especially in the genres you write in.

Read books about writing.

Follow writing blogs/advice sites and writers on social media

Get an alpha reader or critique partner for early feedback

Get professional writing critiques

Take writing classes/workshops (some are free/available online)

Fill your creative well (Guide: Filling Your Creative Well)

How to Make Sure Your Writing is Good

You can't know if something is good if you know very little about it. For example, take me to a winery and give me several samples of red wine, then ask me which one is award-winning... I'm going to give you a blank stare. Sure, I've tasted red wine. I've even been to a few wineries. But I don't really know that much about wine. I don't know much about the different kinds, what makes them unique, the different flavor profiles, or what qualifies as good or bad. They're all just going to taste like wine to me.

If you're a newer writer who hasn't spent a lot of time writing and learning about writing, it's going to work the same way. You don't know enough about writing to determine whether or not something you've written is good or bad.

That's why it's absolutely essential to get unbiased feedback if you want to improve your writing and share it widely one day. Even with a story you don't plan on sharing/publishing, feedback is a critical part of learning what you did wrong and how to fix it.

Guide: Feedback Process 12 Sites for Sharing Original Fiction All About Beta Readers and Where to Find Them

How to Overcome Fear of Bad Writing

As your writing skills improve, so will the feedback you're getting, and so will your confidence in your writing skills. Until then, things may be a little shaky, but you just have to remember that when you're learning, it's okay to write bad stuff. If you've never picked up a paintbrush before, you wouldn't expect to sit down before a canvas and paint a breathtaking mountain scene. If you've never worked with clay before, you wouldn't sit down with a lump of clay for the first time and expect to sculpt the Statue of David. You have to be good with creating bad art before you can create good art. But the more bad art you create, the less bad it gets, and you will definitely see a difference between your early art and your later art. My Motivation master list of posts has a whole section on overcoming fears related to writing. ♥

I hope this helps!

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[brightlotusmoon]

"It is a truism that there are people, particularly on social media, with whom one simply cannot reason. Hell, some of them aren’t even actual people, but rather bots whose very existence makes every other interaction suspect. And so we could certainly take worse counsel than to avoid wasting our precious little energies on those who make it clear that they do not share our core values, particularly online, and particularly when the values in question are equality, inclusion, respect, and the most basic, fundamental rights of every human being on the planet.

But I worry. I worry that our wholly understandable refusal to engage with one another will ensure that the bifurcation of us as a people, both as a purposeful political strategy by those in power domestically and as a means for external forces to "sow societal chaos and discord*” becomes permanent. And I worry about what it will do to our ability to evolve, both as individuals and as a society.

I look back on my life and I remember a lot of moments that I’d prefer to forget, and that I hesitate to share. I remember when I was fresh out of college and just starting out in business and one of the senior-most guys on my desk, a man I admired greatly, would make fun of the support staff by saying, “We hire the handicapped; they’re fun to watch.” I remember that I laughed. Not because I thought that I had to to keep my job, not because I felt pressured to do so, but because I thought it was funny.

I remember when the girls were tiny and we bought Katie a doll house, and it came with a family of dolls. I remember that I hadn’t noticed that I’d bought the one with the Black family until I’d brought it home and decided it was a happy mistake. But I also remember that when a guest saw it one day, they laughed and said, “Oh, look, the house came with help,” I chuckled, rolled my eyes, and carried on.

I remember when I screwed something up and thought it was funny to mockingly say, “I”m special. I ride the little bus and wear hockey equipment every day.”

I remember raising inordinate amounts of money, making speeches, pleading for pity, all in the name of finding a “cure” for autism, with no idea that the vast majority of the people for whom I was supposedly fighting desperately needed help and support, but had no desire to fundamentally change who they were.

That was ME. The me that you know, the one who fights like hell for equality and dignity and respect, started out as a person who mocked disability and allowed racial jokes to stand unchallenged in her own home. Who effectively silenced her daughter’s autistic peers. And who desperately needed interaction with people who were light years ahead of me to get me to where I am now. And it scares me, on so many levels, to think of how different my behavior might be had I not had those interactions.

Now I want to be as clear as humanly possible that I don’t mean to imply that we owe our time and energy to anyone, particularly those who deny others’ lived experience or excuse brutality or withhold justice or actively fight against equality. And I want to be even clearer that it is absolutely, positively not the job of the oppressed and marginalized to educate their oppressors and marginalizers. A thousand times no, no, and, just for good measure, hell no. No one is entitled to your labor.

But I do want to take a pause to consider what happens when the vast majority of us, particularly those of us with relative privilege who claim to be allies in the fight, simply stop talking to anyone who isn’t already standing shoulder to shoulder with us. What happens to the folks who might just have taken up the mantle of advocacy had they been exposed to a wider variety of people and perspectives? What happens to the ones who are never challenged to examine their own role in perpetuating the systems that keep us separated in the first place? My behavior changed because I had the opportunity to interact with people outside of the bubble in which casual bigotry and degradation and punching down for a laugh were perfectly acceptable. But what if I hadn’t?

Years ago, I became facebook friends with a particularly radical disabled activist who had taken me to task here on diary a number of times. At the time, a close friend asked what the hell I was thinking bringing them into my inner circle. They said something I’ll never forget: “Aren’t you going to be, like, so uncomfortable knowing that they’re seeing all your personal posts? You’re going to have to watch *everything* you say from now on.”

It wasn’t until I’d heard the thought that had been rattling around in my own head out loud that I’d realized just how important it was to be made uncomfortable. How vital it was to be "aware of everything I was saying.” How desperately so many of us needed - and still need - to widen our circles to let in precisely those about whose lives and opinions and reactions we should deeply care.

We can’t take up every fight, particularly not on social media. But I do hope that at least in our brick and mortar lives, we will keep finding avenues to connect, to talk, to learn, and to grow. Because the absence of connection has proven to be fertile ground for nothing but fear, hate, and further division — and we’ve had enough of those to last a lifetime.

* Full quote: "One of the ICA’s most important conclusions was that Russia’s aggressive interference efforts should be considered ‘the new normal.’ That warning has been borne out, as Russia and its imitators increasingly use information warfare to sow societal chaos and discord.” - Republican Senator Richard Burr of North Carolina, Chairman, Senate Intelligence Committee"

-

And now, me:

FYI, one of my mentors is the activist mentioned, Radical Neurodivergent K, who coined the term neurodivergence many years ago, who will indeed take you to task regardless of what your brain is. And it's only been since 2013 that I discovered I was autistic, but in that time I have experienced and listened to so many ways of thinking, I've put them all in a crucible, and I keep trying to explain that just because you know a thing it doesn't mean you have all the knowledge. You always have more to learn. Information changes, expands, updates, increases. It's really easy to be a hypocrite. You need to keep listening to yourself, and you can't just burst in to gatekeep no matter how you feel.

A good example might be: an "Aspie Supremacist" insisting I or other autistic fans can't make an autistic headcanon about a fictional character who displays autistic traits because, according to that gatekeeper, the character doesn't have all the "right" traits, meaning their own traits, because they still retain their Aspergers diagnosis. By itself this is deep internalized ableism, and now it's with the added insult of an outdated diagnosis connected to a eugenics program that makes me extremely uncomfortable. Because Aspergers Syndrome is autism full stop, and functioning labels don't work and are arbitrary. Nobody needs to be that haughty or condescending to another neurotribe member, especially when it comes to expressing very personalized imaginings. That's kind of what Headcanons are about.

Anyway.

[mental-health-advice]

I'm so lonely. I'm struggling so much to make friends, I can't go out for health reasons so I can't meet anyone, I tried making friends through games but no one is interested in me really. I just feel so in the way all the time, I'm not welcome here, or anywhere. I just want company, just to be loved. Why can't I find that? Why can't I make friends? What's wrong with me? :(

Hi love,

Firstly, thank you so much for getting in touch with us here at MHA! I am sorry to hear that you are feeling so alone and left out right now, I know how awful this can be to deal with. Hopefully I’ll be able to give you a little advice about how to deal with this

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you, friend. There is nothing about you that needs to be ‘fixed’ or changed. You are not a bad person, please try not to think that you are in the wrong here.

Have you considered talking about how you feel with any of your family? They may not realise that you are feeling so isolated right now, and they may be able to offer you some reassurance and a little extra care to help you feel more comfortable, especially considering your health. Feelings of loneliness often make us feel like we are unwanted because we convince ourselves that nobody likes us and this will always be the case. But it’s really important to remember that loneliness is temporary and you can overcome it! I am linking this page by Psychcentral as it has some really good tips and advice on overcoming loneliness. Even something really simple like reaching out to someone first by commenting on a Facebook status, or sending them a short message saying hi and asking what they’re up to - initiating conversation can really help you to feel more involved in a group or friendship. Also, in some of my loneliest times, having my pets around has been such a comfort - do you have any pets, or could you ever look into getting one?

I also think it’s really important that you take some time alone to look after yourself and relax - so having a bubble bath, reading your favourite book, painting your nails, whatever activities you enjoy doing that make you feel more at peace and comforted. Being alone doesn’t always have to be a bad thing, and I honestly think it’s so important to try and keep reminding yourself of that.

In terms of developing new and meaningful friendships something I would suggest is to look online, like on Tumblr, for a community which share a passion with you - for example, there are a lot of band and anime communities on Tumblr I know about. But I’m sure you would be able to find at least one person whom with you share a common interest, no matter how niche it is, and then you can chat with them about that? I don’t know the circumstances of your health, but you may also be able to look online for support groups or chat rooms with people who are going through similar struggles to you; it can be really helpful to discuss things with those who really understand what you are going through and they may be able to offer you a little more catered advice. Again, depending on your health situation, would it be possible for a relative or friend to go with you to a local group or programme, so they can support you with your health? If so, it may be worth looking into some local groups or volunteer programmes that you would be interested in joining, and then contacting them to find out how accommodating they can be regarding your health. 

I hope this has been of some reassurance and use to you, lovely. If there is anything else that we can help you with, then please don’t hesitate to get back in touch.

Take care,

Rhiann xo