#and i am loving the bits where they're just organising and marching and chatting

[coreytasticc]

I think my main problem with a lot of depictions of war is that the vast and overwhelming majority of time spent in a warzone is waiting, distantly followed by moving, and even more distantly still followed by fighting. And I really really enjoy that time spent waiting. There's a lot of room for character there that's passed upon in favour of boom bang explosiones.

[ghostinyourbuilding]

July 2nd, Saturday. 00.53am. Good night ghost.

My mind has been going places all night. My day was very calm and actually quite boring, all I did was organise my incredibly bloated wardrobe, get rid of clothes I didn't want and I also planned my schedule. Shit went down at night tho, in a few different ways. I've been pretty introspective since then about those things so I'll just write them down so I can go to sleep without having to think about them and tainting my dreams.

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Annoying family members™

To the surprise of nobody at all, my sister said she won't go to the diversity march tomorrow. I knew it so I'm not surprised but damn, I'm kinda annoyed and a bit hurt that she never fails to go out with her friends but she flakes almost every single time we plan something. I never take seriously any plans we make but she keeps making them just to rain check them. I wish she'd realise she doesn't have to do that, she can just not make plans unless she actually wants to go out. It's weird because she opens up to me so much so I don't think she's avoiding hanging out so that I won't fuck up her plans or anything, but there's something there. Oh well.

And it doesn't stop there with the weird choices my family members make. My incredibly hated aunt was purposefully trying to make my mum worried when I went to spend the night at Mark's place. Since my mum wasn't home I told my aunt to tell her I probably wouldn't come home so she wouldn't be worried, and my aunt said she would and also said it was nice that I was going out and taking off some steam.

Well, when my mum came home my aunt said she didn't know when I was gonna come back and that she tried hard to convince me not to go out so late to such a far away part of town. Bitch, what??? My mum didn't buy the latter, but she was worried because I've been on a couple dates lately but I always came back home the same night. I already went over it with my mum and we're both mad as hell with said demonic auntie, I even called her out when she tried to make small talk with me and she just walked away. She knows I'm fucking terrible to be around if I'm mad at someone and I will absolutely make her life hell until I'm satisfied with pestering her.

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The only good thing about men online is that you can block them©

I know I am pretty focused on my love life and I'm a serial dater but what I actually like is hanging out, going places, having good (note the word good) chats and nice sex, I don't give a shit about anyone specifically to the point where I'd bend over backwards for them. I don't fall in love like that, I don't drool over individuals to that extent. I enjoy temporarily being near certain people with certain features and qualities and having specific experiences, but I don't give a shit if someone leaves, stays or is considering either of those two options no matter how long I've known them, how much we lived together or how unique/special they may be. Much like me they're all replaceable, the world will never run out of interesting people to be temporarily fawned over.

That's precisely why I've been so fucking annoyed at the men I have contact with online. Imagine thinking I would care enough about a collection of pixels with a name assigned to them to the point where ultimatums would do anything?

I've been so busy and socially drained I barely have time to talk to friends, much less my disposable reply guys. The fucking audacity of those men to expect me to suddenly want to consistently talk to them just because they act passive aggressive or threaten to stop talking completely is baffling.

Mo has been one of the dumbasses who is trying that shit with me. It's always a different problem with him, at this point the fighting isn't even entertaining. I just completely disregarded his complains and passive aggressiveness fully knowing it'd make him even angrier. He can seethe for all I care, I don't really consider him anything but a reply guy since he fucked up a while back by constantly asking me to consider meeting him then saying he wouldn't want to meet when I went to the US to see my cousin because 'it'd be too short of a visit'. Downgraded instantly to pixel validation machine. If he continues being this whiney I'm just gonna completely ghost him. I don't care if we've known each other for years or that we were very close at one point, he should know by now that both those things and him as a person means nothing to me.

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Relationships and all that jazz®

You know those dogs who sniff corpses? The men I go out with are like that, but instead of corpses they can sniff other dudes' cum. That's the only possible explanation for why I can go on 100 dates with one dude without him pestering me with the 'what are we?' talk, but the second I start seeing another dude they pull that damn card.

Otto was super lovey dovey with me from the start, but I was actually surprised he didn't suggest a relationship yet. But of course; like the XY-chromosomes-having, cum-sniffing, subconsciously territorial male he is, he just waited until I had another dude to try and lock me up. Jokes aside, he decided to what are we me around the same time Mark started suggesting we could be a couple.

Both of them are jumping the gun severely at the exact same time. I don't judge their decision because I know they are... uh... intense? That's a way to describe them. I'm avoiding anything serious at the moment because I just got out of a longass quarantine cabin fever, I just left a year and a half long relationship and I want to see new people still.

With Otto, he's just expecting us to meet downtown every time for a while and dude... I'm not 16 anymore. I like to go out and drink, of course, but I wouldn't have a relationship with someone I wouldn't have a place to spend the night with and to fucking have sex. He lives at home, and that's fine, but he has this weird thing about not liking to bring anyone to his house, not even friends. I completely respect that but it clashes with my expectations for a relationship. He keeps saying he is working on opening up to me like that and that he's been feeling finally well now that he found me again and yeah, cute, whatever, but I still don't want to have a relationship with this guy when we have to be in public and can't have sex. I don't wanna have to put aside all my other potential dudes just because he's working on his little self discovery in terms of having a relationship. Fuck no.

As for Mark, I only saw him once so that's not really the appropriate time to be thinking about that. Not to mention I wouldn't even consider a relationship with someone who lives 2 hours away by bus and has an incredibly weird roommate. About that - he talked today out of nowhere about how weird Nobody's behaviour was. I didn't even comment on it or anything, he just organically brought it up. He said again that he was thinking about leaving soon. Good news, finally.

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In conclusion - fuck men, fuck annoying aunties and fuck relationships.