#and how utterly broken and unstable he'd be as a result.

[fuselit]

ㅤDENIAL IS THE FIRST STEP TO ACCEPTANCE. that's what they say , right? that's what they always fucking say when you're grieving , when your entire world feels as though it's shattering around you and you're left to try and salvage the broken pieces , bloodied fingers nicked and cut on glass - sharp edges as you scoop them up and hold them close , hoping they may somehow mend and mercifully leave you even a fraction of who you once were.

ㅤa split second later and my phone's careening towards the wall at breakneck speed , its frame and screen splintering upon impact. i'll have to buy a new one , but i don't care. in this moment , i don't care about anything , thoughts violently swirling , tangled like branches in a flood. my heart is racing , beating wildly against the uppermost rungs of the cage i call my ribs , as anger - fueled adrenaline rushes through me and i swivel to next displace my rage on a nearby table — upright one second and upended the next.

ㅤthe next minute is a blur of emotion i can later barely recall. broken lamps , furniture askew. if one didn't witness the rampage i'd been on , they'd have reason to believe the place had been ransacked. i scream and cry and every outburst tears at my throat until it feels as though it's stripped raw and bleeding , cries of anger eventually giving way to sobs that i refuse to let surface. not now. not in front of him. privately , later , i know i'll weep until there are no tears left , until there is nothing left of me. WHAT MORE CAN YOU TAKE FROM A MAN WITH NOTHING LEFT TO LOSE?

ㅤ❛ don't . . . don't talk to me. ❜ all the yelling has left me hoarse , and i sink helplessly to my knees as the last of my energy reserves run dry , leaves me like a fume with one shaky exhale. ❛ you don't know a goddamn thing. ❜

@gsfring / ❛ there’s nothing you could have done. ❜ (equally manipulatively)