#and haven't grown since so now i'm just ambiguous as fuck

[tecchous-thicc-buttocks]

Hey can I ask if you’re an adult or not? Cuz I want to interact with you but I’m also not particularly comfortable interacting with minors either :/ Completely understandable if you don’t want to say either!

i am the unfiltered silent but deadly fart that lives in between two majestic cheeks of the ass of a fictional man. Age does not know me, it fears me. Only thing minor about me is my ability to stop myself from loving fictional little people whom only a strange individual with a funky pen name can draw and control. interact with these butt cheeks only if you are prepared for repercussions (threat)

[hemi-demi]

I have a lot of feelings about TMAGP 23, and I gotta let them out. As much as I would love to talk about the amazing statement and the other lovely moments between the cast, I am unfortunately very stuck on one specific part, and not in a good way.

Spoilers below cut:

I'm gonna be perfectly honest, this one hurt me way more than I thought, and I'm worried about my enjoyment of the series.

I truly want to enjoy Protocol for what it is. I've been an Alice defender since day 1, I love her moment with Gwen this episode, I love that Lena seems to be showing a bit more care for her employees. But even with all that, I can't keep doing this with the TMA references.

Look, I've never in my entire 32 goddamn years of living felt like a character in media represented me. Ever. And now I have two. Jon and Martin's relationship feels like seeing parts of myself love each other despite their problems. It's a relationship that resembles the one I have with my partner, and I see a lot of him in Martin especially. Listening to TMA was a wonderful experience because, yes, I knew it was a tragedy and I wish they could have a happy ending, but it was the ending they earned, and they got to go together, and the ambiguity was good enough for me.

I want to enjoy the new writers, the new characters, the focus on alchemy and try to piece together what's happening in the story with everyone else because I missed out on that with having binged TMA after the fact. I cannot do that if they keep taking the corpses of characters I love and dangle them in front of me with the vague hope that they might spring back to life.

But they teased that maybe Jon and Martin can be okay in one reality. I've seen people say they haven't, but between the "Hey, this sounds like them in therapy!" bit, and the Gerry and Gertrude scene, I genuinely believe they did to a degree, even if unintentionally.

Maybe we could have something nice, just one little scrap of "they're happy somewhere else" with the TMAGP versions as a nice cameo. I got my hopes up, hopes I didn't ask for, only to be told "Oh, they never knew each other, and they're dead. If they're happy together in any reality, it sure isn't fuck in this one. The characters you relate to more than anything can never be happy, and you're stupid for thinking that they can ☺️."

This hurts. I feel like I've been stabbed. We were told explicitly this could be enjoyed separately, and that Jon and Martin's ending would be left ambiguous. Unless they pull the rug out from under us and say "Oh, Fr3ddi isn't Jon and Martin at all" (which I've been saying since the beginning. I'm of the "stolen voices" camp and I hope that's what it is, or something else.) then I'm now listening to a show where my favorite characters are suffering, again. And even if they do, the versions in TMAGP are presumably dead anyway.

It's like in fanfiction how you always tag stuff like "Bad endings" or "Major character death". You do that because people have grown attached to these characters and don't always want to watch them suffer again (or do, then you filter by it). The new characters I signed up for hearing their pain and torment, I don't know them yet, and I want to see how their stories play out even if it's painful. But I feel like I'm reading an untagged fanfic right now that is cutting into the original story I did want to listen to.

I want this to be its own thing. I want to care about Alice and Gwen and Sam so when they inevitably die I can feel like I did with TMA again, in a sort of reverent peace with things.

And then chasing that with "Oh, also, Basira and Helen-" just felt like extra salt.

I don't want people to take this as being cruel to the writers, or that I'm being entitled. I genuinely didn't want them to have to dive too deep back into TMA, I'm here for the new stuff. And I'm sure I'll get a bit of "this isn't the genre for you, then, horror is-" I know. I've been engaged with horror since I was much too young. It's my favorite genre. I'm fine with character death. I thought TMA handled it very well.

But I can't pretend that this doesn't hurt, either. I'm sure they have more planned, that this could just be a red herring, but that doesn't stop this from hurting right now when I have no idea what comes next.

I had a glimmer of hope that I was perfectly fine with watching from afar, that they made into a beacon too impossibly bright to ignore. Then, when I steer my boat towards it, I'm lured onto the jagged rocks. Just because they throw me a life preserver a few weeks later doesn't remove the water from my lungs.

Idk. I know some people are excited about this, and I hope they get everything they're looking for out of the story, but I worry that at this rate, I might not. At least not until the wound heals some more.

Okay, I'm gonna go back to writing fanfiction where they get to be happy. Pretty sure that's as close as I'm going to get.

[kewltie]

Happy Holidays M4dG4rl!

prompt: romeo & juliet

"You live in this area?!" Katsuki frowns at the decrepit buildings around them.

Izuku nods.

He eyes him. "You know this neighborhood is declared a black zone by the Hero Commission."

Rampant crimes, deteriorating infrastructures, and lack of government support. It's not the best living condition, Izuku knows, but to him it's home.

"We can't always choose where we come from," he says with an ambiguous air.

Katsuki's frown deepens. "If you're in trouble, I can—" His coms suddenly beeps, cutting the rest of his sentence off.

"Dynamight, we need you over here Ward D," a familiar voice comes through. It sounds like Chargebolt.

They'd never met, but Izuku has always seen him on the news, standing side by side with Katsuki as his equal. His partner. A place Izuku had once dream of.

Katsuki clicks his tongue in annoyance. "I'm busy."

"It's the League." Hush. Urgent.

Katsuki turns to Izuku, conflicted.

Izuku puts on a smile and silently mouths, "It's fine."

Katsuki sighs. "I'll be right there," he says to Chargebolt, before shutting off their connection. "I'll take you home first."

Izuku shakes his head. "My apartment is close by. I can go on my own," he insists.

"Your ward was voted the murder capital of Japan twice," he says dryly.

"Dynamight-san," Izuku says a little too politely, and Katsuki flinches at the sudden formal address, "I may be quirkless, but I'm not helpless. I been living here for two years now, so I think I can handle getting home alone."

Katsuki looks away, lips pursed and shoulders tense. "I didn't fucking mean that," he says. Terse. "I haven't thought of you like that in a long time now, so don't put shitty words in my mouth."

It's not an apology for their past, but Izuku's heart softens by his sincerity.

It been over twelve years since they last saw each other, that's long enough for each of them to grow out of the discomfort and awkwardness of youth, and the ignorance of childhood. Without Izuku there, Katsuki had matured into a young man who can owned up to his past mistakes. Izuku is so proud of him, but there's a part of him that wishes he was there to witness it, to be a part of it.

"Sorry," he murmurs softly, clutching his conbini bag tightly. "I know we're not children anymore. You've grown and I'm happy to see that." And that's the truth. "I'm really happy," he repeats, the handle of the plastic bag crunching under his palm, "but then I wonder what it would be like if I was there with you."

Katsuki stares at him, gaze unrelenting. "Then don't disappear on me again."

"That was out of my control," he explains. His mother's untimely death. The separation. And now their reunion after all these years. None of it ever felt like it was within in his control. "But you have my numbers now and you know where I live. I'm not going anywhere this time."

Katsuki gives him a skeptical look.

Which is quite unfair because it's not like Izuku made a habit of running away and hiding from Katsuki. It only happened twice! The first time, he wasn't mentally prepared to meet Katsuki and the second, the timing was just awful, so Izuku wasn't doing it on purpose or anything.

He glances down at his watch, looking annoyed. "I have to go, but we're not done here," he says, and it sounds much like a threat.

The corner of Izuku's lips twitches. "I know," he says. Katsuki definitely won't let him off again. "It's okay, go fight some bad guys, hero-san."

Katsuki snorts. "Shut up, Deku," he says as Izuku tries to stifles a laugh. "I'm coming back for your ass, just you wait."

He grins. "I'll be waiting then," he says, waving Katsuki goodbye as he gives Izuku one more lingering glance before off he goes in a blast into the night.

Izuku stands there with his konbini bag for a moment, watching Katsuki blazes through sky like a distance star as he gets farther and farther away.

Their reunion seems worlds apart, ill-fated.

He takes one last look at Katsuki's quickly disappearing spark before heading back.

Izuku's apartment is a few blocks down, but the closer he gets to it the night seems to seep in every crevasse till the last of the streetlight gives away to neon signs and chouchins that hang in front of the shops lining the streets. The darkness encroaches in dim alleyways and unseen corners.

The inhabitants, though, doesn't seem to care or notice the remaining light of civilization fading away. Here in Ward X, the Hero Commission's reaches does not touch. They make their own rules however violence and capricious it may be, but Izuku and thousands of others call it home.

Izuku navigates through the cramp, dark streets with a familiar ease. Occasionally, he'll bypass groups idly squatting in a corner, people luring guests into forbidden teahouses under red lights, and lone figures staking out defensively victims. He walks pass them unbothered.

A third of the way, he starts hearing footsteps behind him that keep on crawling closer. Izuku purposely slows down enough for the footsteps to catch up and stop. He feels the press of something hard against his back.

"Give me everything you have," the figure murmurs in his ears. Low. Threatening.

"Hello, Kawakami-san," Izuku greets, recognizing that voice right way.

The pressure on his back abruptly retracts as Izuku turns around to see a large man with an alligator head hastily taking a step back.

Kawakami withdraws the knife back into his pocket, looking chagrin. He clears his throat, the scar on his jaw rising with the movement. "I didn't know it was you, Midoriya."

"Would you like some curry bread?" Izuku offers instead, ignoring the blade that had pressed against his back earlier.

Kawakami blinks in confusion briefly, and then finally accepts Izuku’s offer of peace. He scratches his lower jaw in embarrassment. "Uh, yes."

Izuku rummages through his hefty plastic bag and pulls out one of the curry breads he had bought earlier at the convenience store before bumping into Katsuki. "It's still warm," he says.

"Appreciate it, kid," Kawakami says gruffly, taking the bread from him, and artfully avoids touching Izuku.

"Stay safe now," Izuku says, pleased with their rather pleasant exchange. "Try not to rob anyone else tonight."

Kawakami's nostrils flare. "Go home already, Midoriya. Your presence is nuisance to my business."

"I'm glad then." Izuku flashes him a grin. "Good bye, Kawakami-san."

And with that, Kawakami slinks back into the shadows and Izuku is back on track toward home once more. Except he makes a detour to a dilapidated tea shop nearby under the red glare of a neon sign. He spots two women standing outside, decked out in flashy make-up and the finest clothes.

"Izuku-chan!" one of them calls out as soon as she spots him.

The woman next to her with bleached hair crosses her arms, less enthusiastic than her partner but it nonetheless doesn't deter him.

"Hi, Yue-san and Riko-san," he says, approaching them. "How are you doing tonight?"

"Cold, hungry and annoyed." Riko casts an unimpressed look at their surroundings. "Would be better if we could catch some flies before we freeze to death."

"It's been slow night for us." Yue shrugs before sending him a playful wink. "But now that you're here it's much better."

Izuku's cheeks heat up. Yue always like to tease him, but he still has yet to get used to it. "U-um, would you like to have some breads?"

Riko's eyes narrowed, her long red nails tapping on her upper arm. Displeasure on her face. "You think we're charity case now, Midoriya?"

Izuku shakes his head. "I got these heavily discounted because they were going to expired tonight and I surely can't finish them all." It’s an easy excuse.

Yue bumps Riko's shoulder. "Hey, be nice to Izuku-chan! He's always bringing us snacks."

Riko scowls, eyes scrutinizing him before relenting. "Fine. Give it here, Mary-sama." The words are crude and unapologetic.

Izuku ducks his head in embarrassment. "P-please don't call me that."

"But you're like our little saint, bringing us a little peace and hope," Yue insists vehemently. Earnest, but no less embarrassing.

He could take Riko's mocking derision, but Yue's words weigh him down with its sincerity. He shoves the entire bag of food into her arms. "Here please take it all. You can share it with the rest of the girls," he says, and he doesn't wait for a respond as he makes a run for it.

Izuku got far enough that he no longer sees anyone close by. It's eerie quiet around him. Unusual. Suddenly, he's made painfully aware that he's all alone. There are still chouchin lights hanging outside of several buildings, but there's no sound, no people. Nothing. Just him. His apartment is just ahead, but this ominous feeling doesn’t leave him.

The silence doesn't stay for long, because Izuku soon hears wings flapping overhead and then something heavy drops down in front of him. One. Two. Three of something.

Under the dim moon of Ward X, a nomu breaks free from its pack and approaches him with steps full of intent.

Its stops short of Izuku and he holds his breath as it drops down on one knee with familiarity. The rest of its brethren follow suit as a purple swirl of gas appears, tearing into the space and a well-dressed figure steps out, outlined in smokes.

"Izuku-sama," Kurogiri greets him with a low bow. "I hope you are doing well on this lovely tonight."

He doesn't step back, but his skin crawls at the pressure that Kurogiri exudes just with his presence alone. "I’m good, thank you."

"I'm glad," he says expressionlessly. Not that Izuku can read much of it anyway. "Sensei is very proud of you. He'd seen what you done with Ward X so far and he's impressed."

Izuku stiffens. "I haven't done anything yet." These two years been nothing but him avoiding his responsibilities. His duties.

"You have gained their loyalty and trust." The yellow glare of his eyes softens. "They adore you, their Mary-sama."

Izuku is seriously beginning to hate that word. That title. It's wrong. He's no saint at all. He's a devil in whites.

He takes a deep breath, shaking off the heaviness in his chest as he tries to regain his footing. "I told him to leave me alone for five years," he says. Firm. "So why are you here in my territory?"

Kurogiri tilts his curiously like he didn't expect Izuku to challenge him like that. "Sensei wishes to see you."

"Why?" Izuku presses.

"You haven't visit him in two years. He misses you," he reveals like he's reading off a fact in a book. "You are most precious son after all."

Izuku almost wanted to laugh. Sensei. Father. He always has a flair of dramatic. Instead of dropping by himself personally, he sent Kurogiri and three nomus to take Izuku back for a visit. Truly ridiculous.

"And what if I say no?" he shoots back daringly. Stupidly.

Kurogiri turns toward one of the nomus next to him. "It only takes one of them to bring down an entire building here with all those people inside. Do you want to test it, Izuku-sama?" he asks coolly, fully aware of the lives he wields over Izuku's head.

Izuku clenches his fist.

Helpless. He hasn't felt that way in a long, long time. The only one who can make him feel this crushing defeat was and still is his father. He always managed to grab Izuku's weakness and exploit it to the fullest.

Izuku's eyes flutter as he sighs. "Let's go then."

"A wise choice." Kurogiri steps aside and gestures for Izuku to step toward the portal. "Sensei will be very happy to see you again, Izuku-sama. He'd personally prepared all your favorite dishes tonight."

Izuku stops, brows furrowing. "He cooked?"

"I believe he wanted to impress you," Kurogiri explains. A pause. “He really did miss you quite a bit.”

Despite his father constant machination and the differences how they view people's life, this is the same man who stayed up late and held Izuku in his arms when he couldn't sleep after a nightmare. Izuku loves his father with equal fervor as much as he hates and fears him.

The world may know All for One as a monster, but to Izuku he's just father. Overbearing. Overprotective. Obsessive. Izuku suffocates under the weight of his father's love. It's why he ran all the way here to Ward X, because he has to escape his father’s clutch before it completely ruins him.  

"Let's go then before he decides to destroy something to get my attention," Izuku murmurs with anticipation and dread of meeting his father again after their two years separation.

This is why he didn't want to meet Katsuki again.

He hopes Katsuki will never know the truth because what will Katsuki think of him then? An enemy? A traitor? Or someone so unworthy of even his notice? He may believe he’s reuniting with an estranged childhood friend, but what Katsuki doesn't know is that the scariest thing here is not the dark alley, the impenetrable night, or the threat of looming violence, it's Izuku. Izuku isn't his father, but some days he thinks he's worse than that because he lies as easily as he breathes.

They're like parallel lines stuck in their own course but if they're force to meet, it’ll be an inevitable collision. A heartbreaking, bloody collision. His father will not let Katsuki live and Katsuki certainly won’t give him mercy either. And Izuku doesn’t know when it comes to down to it, who would he choose to side with?

[zoeysuxx]

So, transitioning in my mid-late 30's has been weird; I never thought I'd be so distraught by the realization that I totally missed out on the experience of shopping from a Delia's catalog.

Perhaps the most interesting change, though, was how much my sexual desires have changed. I mean, I've always known I was one to 'swing all ways' while gravitating more one way... while now I find myself gravitating more another way. In less ambiguous terms, I don't think I've ever been this thirsty for some 🍆.

I suppose a lot of this confusion could've been alleviated, transitioned or otherwise, had I not gotten involved in a monogamous relationship so early in life. Sure, my marriage is wide open now - but that's a relatively new development. Suffice to say, there's a lot of experiences I just haven't had. I've never done any kind of casual dating (yes, never. Not even once). I've never lived alone. I've never had a close-knit group of friends.

My spouse and I essentially developed some kind of co-dependency, which I now realize was super unhealthy. Especially knowing that they weren't exactly faithful early on. How I would learn that is for another post. Our first couple of years was a long distance relationship, so I guess it's easier for infidelity to occur. All of this realization, of course, occurred mid-transition.

The thing is, I was basically living on autopilot for a long time. Sure, I was depressed but this was more than that. I was... numb. Hopeless. I was basically just going through the daily motions. That's the fucked up part of not knowing who you are. I resigned myself to autonomy early on because I saw no hope for myself. I figured I would just do what society expected of me - get married, have kids, get a desk job and maybe die violently of a heart attack in my cubicle.

When my egg finally cracked, it felt like it was too late. I had a much stronger sense of self and actually saw a glimmer of hope, but now have to worry about providing for a family of four while I'm at it. Ultimately, my spouse of approximately 6,000 years and I agreed that non-monogamy would be a good change of pace, especially since I have missed out on so many experiences in my hopeless youth.

Ok, that part sounds good, to be sure. Unfortunately, providing for a family of four, maintaining a house, etc. is fucking time consuming and exhausting. It's really difficult to have those experiences when exhausted with very little downtime. So now I just feel trapped. Truly, it's the world's lamest escape room.

So... I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't want to wait until my kids are grown to finally start my hoe phase. Meh. Ok, whine over.

[closedcoffins]

Luck's foot came across hard & fast against the slumped man's jaw, almost cracking under the weight. He then, with the momentum of his kick, plummeted straight down into his chest, digging deep into the sternum. Not enough to break it, of course, but the pressure surely would've felt like it would to the rather dazed individual now sprawled against the wall. Luck was sure the pain was causing some confusion, but he didn't let it up, leaning an arm onto his knee, surely putting more weight onto the pin. His polite smile seemed to only enhanced the cruelty. " now, don't get confused on me, gentleman. i do believe we've gotten off - topic now, haven't we? i need you to look at me. look at me . . . there we go. so you can cooperate when you need to. in that case, let me ask you again : who was it? and don't give me any sort of nonsense that you don't know who i'm referring to again. i'm being real patient with you right now, so don't fuck with me, understand? " | for sham ; i'm leaving it ambiguous since i'm not sure which vessel this is happening to jvbksdvbjds

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. You look like a fool, Luck.

Thinking something from a perspective nobody but him could ever hope to achieve, Sham screams. It’s identical to the real sound, something the man who once inhabited this body might have absolutely said at some point or another. The sound pitters off into a weak, pathetic wheeze, and the vessel’s breathing speeds up. Even the rate at which its heart beats is something Sham can control.

“I don’t ...... I don’t... know... anything...”

The vessel of Sham which had once been friends with a man under the Runorata family’s protection plays the part of someone disoriented by pain, but Sham himself feels very little. This is far from the worst pain he’s been in---though the lack of focus is also partially because of how many other people he has to be at the moment.

Like the man standing behind Luck and supervising, for example. The very man who’d brought this person in under the claim that he might prove to be a valuable lead to catching the culprit of the casino robbery. It hadn’t been untrue. If Sham had really liked, he might have just been able to get the information to Luck right away, but things playing out like that would have made his position here a little risky, and then he might have needed to swap vessels.

In any case, Sham-as-the-victim plans on confessing. Just not without a fight.

“Y--- You can’t... I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t ... I really--- I really don’t know, please, please don’t---!”

In any case, I’ve grown to like people I can make look like fools. Keeping people in the dark is something I do for my own sick pleasure, but I won’t keep it from you forever.

sham probably deserves this too tbh. / unprompted.