#and half 'oh they're just addressing race in the wrong way and it hurts the credibility of loustat as a couple'

[vividxp]

I've tried a couple of times to get my thoughts organized regarding white viewers commentary on how AMC's IWTV handles race, but I'll just simply say there's definitely a cynicism that is common in a lot of those analysis that is...bemusing.

[mauswrites]

Fear (Simon Riley x AFAB!GN!Reader)

A/N: I was recently reminded of my worst fear, that being cryptic pregnancy (No weight gain, no symptoms, no nothing. You don't know about the baby until it's on its way out) and can't stop thinking about it, so I decided to write a fic to get it out of my system. (sorry if this sucks, this is the first fic I've published in like almost a decade)

Genre: hurt/comfort

TW: Blood, mentions of childbirth, medical inaccuracies, possibly OOC Ghost, reader genuinely thinks they're dying

You couldn't sleep.

Not because of the thoughts racing in your mind but of the unbearable pain in your abdomen.

Occam's razor would tell you that it was just your period, but you've never experienced cramps like this before, like being torn in half.

With a huff, you shove the blanket off your body and get up, but as soon as your feet hit the floor, pain shoots up your spine, causing you to crumple to the floor, wailing out in agony. You clutch your stomach, forcing air in and out of your lungs.

Why am I wet? you thought.

The pain had distracted you until now, but you managed to reach for your bedside lamp to see blood running down your legs.

A lot of it, too.

As the fear settled in your bones, you hurry to get your phone and call for an ambulance.

"999, what's your emergency?"

"I don't know what's wrong, I'm in a lot of pain, I can't stop bleeding... I-I can't walk."

"Where are you now?"

You give the address to your flat and hang up when the dispatcher assures you that the ambulance isn't far.

Walking may seem impossible, but you manage to crawl to the front door to unlock it, sitting down in the hall, waiting.

Desperation clings to your heart, and you make one more call, this time to your ex-boyfriend, but it went straight to voicemail.

"Simon? Hey, it's me... I just wanted to say I'm sorry. For my attitude, the arguments, all of it."

The blood loss is getting to you, but you take a ragged breath and press on.

"I think I'm dying, an ambulance is on their way, but–"

The pain spikes suddenly, causing you to scream.

"In case I do, just know that I love you."

Hearing sirens from outside, you hang up and wait, dreading the black spots in your vision.

The ambulance ride is a blur, the EMT asking questions that your brain isn't processing, and you barely remember being put under at the hospital.

As your eyes flutter open hours later, sunlight leaks into the room through the blinds, and your stomach is sore, but you otherwise feel better.

A nurse is still in the room, typing away on the computer in your room.

"What happened?"

She seemed startled yet relieved at your voice, still groggy from sleep.

"This may come as a shock to you,"

Uh oh.

"But you experienced what's called a cryptic pregnancy and needed to undergo an emergency C-section. The bleeding was caused by a tear in your uterine lining, but you'll recover just fine."

Her diagnosis hit you like a brick to the face.

"So... I had a baby?"

"Yes, a little girl; a bit premature, but otherwise healthy."

You merely hum in acknowledgement as you look around the room, your eyes landing on the bassinet.

"Would you like to hold her?" the nurse asked.

"I... yes."

She smiles as she walks around the bed, picking up your daughter and passing her to you.

A lump forms in your throat as you lock eyes with the infant in your arms, hers a deep brown.

"Um... hello," you say, "it's nice to meet you."

As you fall silent, the nurse pipes up once again.

"I'll leave you two be for now. If you need anything, don't hesitate to call for someone."

You quickly thank her before she leaves, closing the door behind her, and you quickly turn your attention back to your daughter.

Your heart and mind were both racing as you admired her, even softly speaking to her every so often. For seconds or hours, you're not quite sure, but you only snapped out of your trance when the door opened.

You watch as Simon comes in and pulls up a chair next to your hospital bed, on the same side as the bassinet, all without a word.

"I'm guessing they wouldn't let you in looking like the Grim Reaper," you joked, taking note of the black surgical mask on his face, "How've you been?"

"I should be asking you," he said, "that voicemail scared the shit outta me."

"I've been..."

What do you even say?

"Honestly, not great; missed you like hell," you admit, casting your eyes back down to your baby and letting her tiny hand grip onto one of your fingers, "but I think I'll be okay."

"Cute little thing," he said, referring to your little girl.

"Thanks, I made it myself."

"Got a name yet?"

"Haven't exactly had much time to think of one," you reply, "got any ideas?"

"You told me you always liked the name Emilia."

"That's true. Seems it's settled then," you do your best to straighten up, "Simon, meet Emilia... Riley?"

"Riley," he confirmed, making you smile for the first time in a while.

"Do you want to hold her?"

He nodded, and you placed a kiss on her forehead before passing her over to him.

She already looked tiny in your arms, but compared to Simon's much bigger frame, she was damn near microscopic. He was practically holding her with just his hands, handling her delicately, like one wrong move would cause her to fall apart.

"What d'you say you come back home," he said, "We try again, be a family."

"Is that actually what you want? I don't want to be the parents that are only together for our child's sake."

"I mean it."

"That's good," you pause, fighting back tears, "Promise I won't be such a bitch this time 'round."

"You say that like I was a saint."

"Then we'll both be better, for each other and for her."

"Deal."

You silently admire the scene before you for a few minutes until the nurse from earlier returns.

She asked some questions about you and the baby, filled in some blanks on the birth certificate, and stepped out to bring you some ice water, leaving you to think about the past twelve hours.

"I'm honestly dreading going back to my flat." you thought aloud.

"Why?" Simon asked. He carefully placed Emilia back in the bassinet, giving you his full attention.

"There's blood everywhere."

"I'll take care of it; you just rest up and heal," he stood as he spoke, taking off his mask to kiss your temple, but before he had a chance to walk away, you placed a hand on his shoulder, urging him to stay.

"Promise you'll come back?"

"Promise."

As he left, the weight of the situation settled deep in your bones, but you found solace in knowing that you wouldn't have to face it alone, and that things would hopefully turn out better this time around.

[buttclench-ryugazaki]

gonna be hater so here are my half-inebriated thoughts about what i didn't like about the final stroke part dos

• boring. you can even stop reading right here because that's my overarching opinion

• i still don't fully understand or like the conflict between rin and haru and resolution was... confusing? and frustrating! the race and following conversation don't actually address the issue of haru feeling abandoned. he apologizes for saying hurtful things he didn't actually mean and rin apologizes for... not thinking of haru's feelings when making decisions about his own swimming career? (i don't want to turn this into what is basically an r/AmITheAsshole thread, because i hate how contemporary fandom discourse treats every fictional conflict like one, but like. haru's TA. rin did nothing wrong. they kind of acknowledge it but they don't follow through). i don't really know what i was supposed to take away from this ordeal

• if not outright retconning stuff, attempting to write around or re-contextualize stuff in a way that i find dishonest or disrespectful to viewers' intelligence. the big example being haru confronting his younger inner self, where it actually turns out he was actively repressing his desire to swim in a relay as an affect of his loneliness (?), instead of simply being apathetic as he was previously written. why rewrite the main character's backstory and motivations at the very last minute? we've been along for this ride for the past nine years, come on

• rin continuing with his "my relation to haru isn't that simple" explanation to ikuya, who as far as i remember simply described them as friends. or suggested that rin see haru in the infirmary because that's an inconsequential but kind thing to do? i do not fucking understand. i hated this stance in fs1 and i hate it now. they have a unique bond for sure but they're not not friends

• speaking of rin and haru's friendship, i was put off by the "red-blue super sentai destined partners" imagery, and then the shot of them holding hands as kids. i've always viewed rin and haru as two people who were undoubtedly important to each other but, in regards to certain parts of their individual lives, not particularly close. those shots felt like they mischaracterized their relationship to be a lot closer retroactively (but because of the nature of interpretation i am more willing to let this one go. also nobody can accuse me of having a bias against rinharu, by the way, i used to be huge on rinharu. but i have thoughts about what it looks like and it wasn't this)

• i got a little irritated with how many times a character would start talking about haru and how much they need to support haru, oh we haven't seen him in a while is he doing okay? my times are getting better don't you think BUT HARU- i don't think this is an inherently bad way to convey information to an audience but it happens too frequently in scenes that are already too short. so i never felt like i got to see the characters fully as i know and love them because they were too busy providing commentary

• kinjou barely had any impact as a character, as a villain, as an ally, etc. his big climactic heel-turn moment is him finally giving teamwork a try (at the expense of asahi's participation, press f to pay respects lmao), i guess. when he was introduced in df i was excited for him to be an honest to goodness asshole for once in free!'s history but his presence quickly fizzled out. he stopped being threatening right away and there wasn't nearly enough there to make me care about him

• what were these two movies about, anyway? what was the arc and what was the resolution? early promotional material, as well as a significant portion of part 1, made me believe it was about haru reexamining his relationship to competitive swimming and the possibility of going pro, but it just concludes with "haru continues to do the thing he set out to do a season ago." i admit i am one of those people who wasn't completely satisfied with the ending of eternal summer, where haru decides to start competing seriously after a season of fighting exactly that. it didn't feel like a solid resolution. so i was intrigued with the idea that haru could outright quit, or reorient his goals, something. but that didn't happen. and it didn't have to, really, but anything other than "and the story continues!!!" would have been better. nothing changed in the end. what was the point