#and gods know i ain't perfect and i make mistakes but man do i actively try to do what's right
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just when i think i wanna reach out to my parents and try and talk 'like adults', my mother guilt trips me outta nowhere and now i guess the timer until our next communication resets
#like ok i get it. you don't know how to express your emotions properly or take responsibility for them. and you've been deeply unhappy your#entire life and trying so very hard to pretend otherwise#and settling for the safe mediocricity you've chosen for yourself when you could in fact have had so much more if you didnt let others brin#you down. and you are deeply hurt and afraid. but damn i can't be the bigger person just yet. i am tired of talking to walls#and being misunderstood and branded the 'villain' because i dont want to be compliant and submit and be someone i'm not#like whenever i cannot be myself i literally wither and die a little#and gods know i ain't perfect and i make mistakes but man do i actively try to do what's right#or at least ponder on what the right thing to do is#i feel like i'm speedrunning the end of young adulthood#feeling cute might buy a house and get married later idk#lu screams
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