#and flesh out the side of him that justifies Atsushi's fear and hatred of him

[boarcide]

Tis I, "Akutagawa is spider coded and needs more spider motifs" truther anon here,

First off, I just want to say. I love you a lot. I love your analysis and how you view akutagawa (your akutagawa takes are the only ever I adore em). Secondly, I was sleep deprived and on monster energy fumes when writing that and also tumblr anon asks dont allow the use of pictures, so I am using the reblog option to be more delusional in my ramblings and perhaps not make any sense in the process. This will also go a bit off topic and have no relativity to my original ask at all because I'm pulling this out of my ass. I just love him and have been waiting for an incentive to project on him. Apologies and love in advance.

I realized I started a thought process that I didn't quite finish with the idea of Rahsomon and Akutagawa fitting the "inconspicuous at first/monstrous upon closer look" trope. I didn't think inconspicuous was the right word at first, because I meant to use a word that would be the opposite of "monstrous", but then I thought of the horror concept on which monsters disguise themselves as a seemingly normal animal until someone looks closer and goes, "I don't think that's a deer. Or ever was one."

And I thought, "no, i can make that fit. Hold on"

And it makes sense to say he's kind of like that. It's kind of shown in the police station scene.

(Look at his lil bow. He's Just a lil creachur)

And here too:

(Just a tiny boy)

In both scenes, Akutagawa, to others, is seemingly normal or out of the ordinary. Then, upon closer look/realization, he is realized to be something much different, much worse at second glance.

I think the beauty in Akutagawa's character that is not discussed is how stranger's and those who do not know him, perceive him: He is somewhat of a monster in human skin to those who dont know him--quite literally a wolf in sheep's skin in the former examples, because he seems so insignificant at first glance, like a small spider, that its easy to overlook him until your brain catches up to you and you do a double take.

I could say that even to those that know him, it's a similar case (see Atsushi, who sees Akutagawa act all formal and composed when introducing himself until he slaps Higuchi and insults her). However, I'm talking less about him as a person and more so how he is perceived through the eyes of someone who doesn't know him.

(The thing is, Akutagawa is both the inconspicuous being and the monster in the trope. Rashomon is a being attached to him, and although I used her as the "monster" to Akutagawa's "inconspicuous," (the weak, frail, pretty, vs strong, durable, monstrous example) everything about Rashomon is a part of him, and her fearful form symbolizes a part of him too, especially the part that he projects to the world--th part of him that is why Atsushi views him as a monster first and human last. )

What I'm trying to say is that Akutagawa's appeal and the beauty of his character, to me, lies in how he (and rashomon) share this "inconspicuous/monstrous" trope. Basically, Akutagawa is frail and weak and inconspicuous as a person, but his ability is the complete opposite, but that ability is also a part of him, and since he wields her in a horrific manner to cause bloodshed, he is also the monster.

(I constantly think of this specific entrance of his as another example, too. Also, I like this panel, so I'll put it here for it to be admired.)

(Another shot of this little freak at work!! I think Tanizaki falling over and revealing a seemingly normal person in the second panel before the third panel shows a monstrous limb extending from Akutagawa helps play at what I'm trying to describe here.)

Okay too much word vomit here onto the next topic.

I! Love!! Comparing Akutagawa to spiders!!! I hate spiders!!! I can't even look at Wikipedia pictures of Google images of any spiders, no matter how big or small. Just looking at webs makes me break out in hives and scare me shitless! I am terrified of spiders and can only find them alluring and grotesquely pretty when I am not confronted with the reality of their existence. I think Akutagawa is similarly horrifying in reality (both in face and in spirit), but because he's not real, I find him pretty in the way that I find spiders pretty. You said that it's how Atsushi could still love him, and I think of how arachnid lovers exist and willingly love and care for something that has been deemed horrific and grotesque and ugly and scary. I also think about how the most common way to handle your fear of spiders is through exposure therapy. Both of them fit Atsushi's character in a way, me thinks. He gets over his fear of the spider and then has to learn not to be hostile to it, to care for it and find beauty in it when others cannot and will not find one.

(Cue, I show you my favorite panels of him that remind me of spiders because it's on par with the topic, and they just stay in my head rent-free. I wrote a lot in the alt texts, too.)

And to your analysis of the cannibalism panel: yes!! YES!!! I AGREE!!!! You hit the nail on the head and it's about everything you said about it, from how grotesque and terrifying his expression is to how endearing it is when you put it in context to how Akutagawa usually is. That's why I find him so pretty in this scene. Not necessarily just because it's aesthetically pleasing (well, i mean it is to me), but because it's so him.It shows him at his most unhinged, and if you think of it, this is from Kyouka's perspective. This is from her point of view of the man who played a part in horrifically traumatizing her. I can only think of how scared shitless she could've been and how this face alone contributed to her reaction when he expressed that he was happy for her. I talked about Akutagawa and how he is monstrous with or without rashomon. This is him without rashomon. As you said, even something like happiness or joy is twisted into something darker on akutagawa. I don't have the brain cells to put everything together in a coherent manner and I just hope what I'm saying makes sense but,,,part of everything about his character, how creepy he is drawn, and him being a monster to other people ties into why I think it's a pretty-nah fam, fucking beautiful panel, both in appearance and in symbolism.

Idk man, end of my delusional rant. I don't know if it makes sense whatsoever. I just really like the grotesqueness of characters and the Gothic symbolism in him. I want to grind him him into paste and put him in my mouth like chewing tobacco. I am madly in love with him.

I've always encapsulated Akutagawa's character and his beauty as being something along "pretty/inconspicuous at first, monstrous upon closer look," trope. Something something about him being the complete opposite of Rashomon (weak, frail, pretty vs strong, powerful and durable and mostly, terrifying to look at) which add onto that pretty/monstrous dynamic, because rashomon is everything he is not but wants to be. He's pretty the way a spider is pretty--all strange and long limbed, scary, and creepy to everyone else except the few people that can tolerate them longer than a few seconds. Sometimes, people are uncessarily cruel to spiders that way, too, whether or not they've done something wrong or not. He is often the spider crushed under someone's foot until it explodes, me thinks.

I don't know what I'm trying to get at here. This isn't disagreeing with you cause I think ugly describes a lot of aspects of akutagawa from his personality, insecurities, and his life (maybe not his appearance, tho, but that might just be me staring at his tiny waist and not his redflags). I also just think that man is pretty especially in the panels where he is at his most unhinged (like the where he smiles at Kyouka during the cannibalism arc). him looking like a corpse is also why I would willingly court him (thanks nagito for helping me discover my taste in men) I just may have bad taste. Banger analysis tho.

... This is terrifying, I adore it

I REALLY can see the simile with spiders– it's brilliant!!! It's such a fitting comparison. That's exactly why Atsushi can still love him. The observation on Rashomon being everything Akutagawa isn't is so incredibly spot on too!!! I have barely anything to add, this makes such an extraordinary and suitable description of Akutagawa. Thank you so much for sharing!!!

I really can't understand thinking of Akutagawa as pretty– but like, in the fun “it's amusing how peoples' brains all work differently” way!! I am baffled at the concept of that cannibalism panel being taken as example for Akutagawa being pretty: that panel is so so many things to me, but pretty is certainly not one of them. I feel that panel strongly!! After all, it's one of the very rare Akutagawa smiling panels, it's a panel I've studied up close in the past. And I, too, love it in a way: that panel is so many things. It's terrifying, at first look. It's creepy, unsettling, distressing. Then it honestly and unexpectedly starts feeling kind of endearing. His eyes are big and sparkling, he almost looks like a child who just arrived to the playground– a very creepy and unsettling child, but still. It makes Akutagawa look very young. It is a very scary, unsettling expression, but after looking at it for a while, one grows to understand that it's a moment of Akutagawa experiencing pure, sheer and honest happiness. which you come to realize is something he doesn't get to have very often. And his very happiness is dark and twisted, just like he is; but isn't it somehow still endearing to see him display such a genuine and honest emotion, for once? The fact that the only way for him to express it results deeply horrifying is only all the more emblematic of Akutagawa's character, of how even something as pure and uncorrupted as happiness will result terrifying on him. It ultimately makes him kind of pitiful, too, which I guess is another strong component of Akutagawa's character. (Note, I'm leaving aside considerations on Harukawa's art style, which honestly ends up resulting elegant and enjoyable to look at no matter who they're portraying.)

Like, if I had to choose one panel of Akutagawa being pretty it'd be... Well‚ the only chapter 88 panel that matters, c'mon– at the price of coming off as lame, but how else could I. Is there anything more pretty, more pure‚ more sacred than sacrifice itself? But really, that still stands in support of my case of Akutagawa not being pretty, because chapter 88 Akutagawa is the least Akutagawa he's ever been in the whole manga, if you know what I mean.