#and didn't engage at all with the topic of 'hey the former alcoholic is a lil afraid they're not going to be able to keep 'former' ' | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

alittlebitofrainbyyourside · 1 year ago

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I got Drunk tonight because idk, grown adult, I can do that and I'm currently doing the thing I do where I sober up as much as possible before I go to sleep. wanna go to sleep. it is So Many Hours past my normal bed time. but I was also literally still drink in hand past my normal bed time and alcohol has a half life of 4-5 hours.

#remember that one time I tried to tell my therapist #'hey I'm really concerned that I got wasted on Friday night because I was stressed- and then didn't have a hangover the next day #and I'm really worried about my brain relearning the pattern that alcohol is a solution to stress especially as a former alcoholic'#and she instead tried to spend the entire fucking session arguing with me about the fact that my real problem is That I Care Too Much #About People. About Society.#and didn't engage at all with the topic of 'hey the former alcoholic is a lil afraid they're not going to be able to keep 'former' '#it's fine. it's /fine/#today was just hard and then I got drunk and that was pleasant and chances are #because I am doing this- I will not have a hangover tomorrow either #and I am once again just reaffirming for my lil pattern loving brain #that drinking a large amount of gin very fast does actually solve my problems #it doesn't. also my problems can't be solved #that sounds melodramatic. I'm just- I was just sad today about my dad being dead. that kind of 'can't be solved'#and a lot of feelings about class that again- are unsolvable problems #you can't 'solve' the problem that like- I grew up poor in a poor area #and married into a family that is well off #and like- have done well for myself career wise #and so now I feel like a weird lil duck with a weird lil relationship to money #but whomst amongst us *isn't* a weird lil duck with a weird lil relationship to money #HMM?#HMMMMM???#but also 'done well for myself career wise' only means like... within the career I have

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