#and covid really freaked them out bc I'm medically vulnerable and they didn't want me to die resenting them | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

arctic-hands · 5 months ago

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No for real tho re: my last tags on that being traumatized by your parents post. my parents are my role models when it comes to a hypothetical future where I have a child, in that I'll take everything they did, showed me, and taught me and do the complete opposite. Like I'm not going to pretend that I'll be perfect and I know it'll be stressful and no matter how careful I am i will inevitably make mistakes, but like I'm committed to not screaming at my child every time they knock something over or drop or spill or even break something. I need it ingrained in my mind if it ever happens that my first priority is to make sure the kid didn't get hurt and then after making sure they're okay, teach my child how to clean up the mess. That's infinitely more of a grace that I was ever shown growing up where I was screamed at the very second I clumsily dropped or knocked over something, unable to take a breath to steady myself bc my mother would be screaming at me if I didn't clean it at lighting speed the very moment it happened. Like is a slightly stained carpet worth all that terror?

#the biggest approval i ever sought and did in fact did miraculously get was both my parents recently saying I'd be a better parent than them #we're on good terms now after i went no contact with them for almost a decade each #and covid really freaked them out bc I'm medically vulnerable and they didn't want me to die resenting them #i got sincere apologies from both of them which is rare in this kind of situation #I'm not angry at them anymore but i still get sad when i think about my childhood

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