#and coupled with low energy and nausea that's counterproductive my dudes!!!!!

[mylittleredgirl]

the problem with having taken a sick leave last year and having so many people reassure me that it was necessary and okay and good is that it created some kind of pop-up error message in my head that says "actually all my responsibilities should wait until i don't feel sick" when the reality is that i feel a little sick all the time and will for the foreseeable future. i am nowhere near as sick as i was and i both can and must do things. my once notable skill of powering through with an inner well of silent smugness has been critically weakened, because in addition to the realistic necessary burden of the actual things while feeling uncomfortable, i also have the weight of the little gremlin in my head saying "we don't have to tho :3" yes we do!! like yeah sometimes pushing myself will make things worse but i gotta. and sometimes the work i do will be sub-par because i feel sick but i gotta do it anyway. and sometimes it won't even make things worse it's just me feeling like i should "rest up" for a magical wellspring of health that won't actually arise because the whole deal with this thing is that the fatigue is not cured by rest and the meds i'm taking have side effects and i just!! gotta do it!!!!!