#and bc nothing is going well i don't contribute anything. and it makes the distance between us feel like a deep endless chasm
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survived visiting my vain/hypercritical almond mom and only want to let myself be consumed by my dormant-but-always-lurking adolescent eating disorder a tiny bit after returning home
#ness.txt#jk. i feel like if i don't start fitting into my old clothes again i'm gonna disembowel myself#body image /#i also feel stuck because i'm having a pretty bad time overall in my life#but when i talk about it i always get steamrolled by the person i'm talking about it with#like it feels like they only care about how i'm doing when i'm doing well#and when i'm not doing well they either ignore it or bowl right past it#and it sucks.#it especially sucks when they'll be like 'feel free to share any wins or positive things from your life!'#and bc nothing is going well i don't contribute anything. and it makes the distance between us feel like a deep endless chasm#so then for hours when we hang i'll listen to them tell me about all the amazing things happening for them#and stay completely silent abt the things bothering me bc i know they're just. not invested in that.#idk i feel very lonely and shitty and undesirable lately#and i don't feel like i have friends unless i'm doing well!!! lol
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