#and b) yeah of fuckin course he would you dumb bitch

[kinnoth]

Like I think I might need to clarify:

What I mean when I say "Loki is a bottom" is not a matter of penetration. It's just that loki, in his sexual relationship with Thor, wants Thor to take control of his body. He wants Thor to run their fucks, so to speak.

Penetration is a completely separate negotiation and not a fucking requisite to sex

[ryuseibutgayer]

I’m hopping on the yamagishi agenda.. Yamagishi watching in awe as his girlfriend kicks ASS to protect him(and maybe mizo mid in general)

HIII thank you for your request!! <3 so sorry for the late reply :v I tried my best to provide the envisioning I thinnnnk you want? Hope I did :v let's beat some ASS, anon 😤

TW: beating up, Swearing, Makoto theft, blood mentions, Makoto pervy, Takuya future job reference

ꜱᴍᴀᴄᴋ ᴀ ʙɪᴛᴄʜ ɪɴᴛᴏ ᴄʜʀɪꜱᴛᴍᴀꜱ ᴇᴠᴇ

YAMAGISHI

• He was just at the wrong place at the wrong time. That's all. Then some assholes decided that he looked funny.

• The second he spoke up to try and defend himself even the tiniest sliver, he immediately regretted it as the tallest one stood closer to him with that ugly stretched neck look.

• The thing that Yamagishi wasn't clenched and prepared for was you to come flying out from behind him- landing your foot square on that ugly bitch's face

• Yamagishi thought he'd been hit actually, so he'd flinched and dropped his ass back against the pavement- you can imagine his face when he looked up and it was y o u kicking ass

• This boy would immediately get right back up and start trying to find the best angle to watch

• He would start SCREAMING cheers and supporting you kicking ass

• God knows he can't do it himself

• Once you come back over to him after handing them back their last ass, he'd hold your face in his hands and start saying the most self-berative thanks to you💀💀 he'd also question how the fuck you did that

• expect ice cream later, constant bowing for the next week, and maybe a little hesitation he has with you when horse playing

AKKUN

• Oh God not the pretty boy

• Why him

• 😭 people were makin fun of his clean looks n shit like they could look half as good

• They were right out at the front of the school (exhibitionist jackassed punks)

• Akkun was ready to fucking take it just to get it over with with a gritted face as the brown haired assholw held him up by his collar

• AND THEN BAMMO YOU COME IN FUCKIN UP THAT BASTARDS ARM, LETS GO (nice job)

• Akkun just fell and got dust in his eyes 😭 after he rubbed his scratched butt and rubbed the dirt out of his vision, you were on top of the guy?? Goddamn you rabid freak, girl go off beatin his ass like that

• Yeah Akkun was worried tho so he shouted a tiny bit after he figured the guy had enough and trieda pullya off a tad

• Once you were back on your feet, the both of you were standing there out of breath just looking at each other all bewildered like 😧

• Then akkun would speak up and ask you "where the hell did you learn that, y/n-"

• He'd end up barely listening to your explanation and drag you off to the school nurse for your little scratches and knuckles

• He's gonna make sure he walks you home that day to make sure you both have the time to talk about- alla that

• He'll ask you to try and keep it in check, but he'll definitely thank you- he's STILL shocked at that

• He'll ask you try and not get involved with his bs affairs, just to make sure you'll be safe and not get in trouble for anything he dragged you into

• Sweet pomp boy <3

TAKUYA

• Mr future drug dealer

• IM KIDDING, ITS OVER THE COUNTER LAXATIVES TFYM, COOL IT Y/N

• Anyways

• Yeahhhh he was approached by some cunty punk that heard he was getting good grades in his science classes and started pushing onto Takuya with his "will you tutor me?? 🥺" bullshit

• Takuya obviously just flat out tried to express he didn't wanna be associated with this guy and his grunts, even if it meant helping him out

• Guess what set the idiot off

• y/n I can't imagine how mad you must've been going around the school looking for your boyfriend just to find him shoved onto the floor by someone that wasn't you

• "Only I sexualize bullying my boyfriend you bitch" vibes

• so of course you knocked that low grade asshole in the side of the head

• Once you got that punk just dazzled and walking in a dumb little circle, Takuya got up in time to slug him in the jaw for the final pinch and bwoof, suddenly there's a punk on the floor

• Takuya just was so grateful and physically affectionate after that

• He'd check ya all around to make sure you're all set, give you a hug or a noogie, then you'd both walk to the infirmary (his favorite place <3) ew takuya

• expect giggles and shits in the nurse's office like two little psychos until you both went home to watch a movie together

MAKOTO

• Yeah he's a thief, so what? B)

• Makoto kinda stole some cash from this unattended wallllleeeeeet..

• It kinda belonged to a big bad guyyyy....

• And he was kind offff being held against the wall of the alley outside a grocery store you two planned to meet at that day to grab snackkkkks, soooo

• BWAM SLAM HIS FACE IN THE GLASS

• GET 'IM IN THE SPINE Y/N, GRAHHH

• You absolutely got that guy's blood all over the pavement, look at you go

•Makoto practically shit himself when he got approached by in the first place

• THEN he almost shit himself when someone kicked him in the head

• Makoto was this . close to leaking that shit down his pant leg when he realized the person beating up that delinquent was you.

•......girl.

• Imma be dead ass with you, Makoto is horrified, but from that point on it's an immediate turn-on.

• He's gonna suggest some weird ass service in order to thank you, but ofc what else

• HE'LL BUY YOU DINNER FIRST, DONT DISCARD HIS CLASS MK

• speaking of, he bought all the snacks you breathed on in that grocery store after.

[todoshotoroki]

𝘽𝙖𝙠𝙪𝙜𝙤𝙪 𝙜𝙚𝙩'𝙨 𝙢𝙚𝙖𝙣 𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙝𝙚'𝙨 𝙟𝙚𝙖𝙡𝙤𝙪𝙨

Warnings: smut, light spanking, heavy degradation, sub f bodied reader x Bakugou.〤 Minors DNI

Word count: 1.7k 

   Katsuki didn't like sharing. He made it very clear, the things that were his were not to be touched. Now, this didn't mean he wasn't good at hiding things. Nobody could have known that you and the great Bakugou Katsuki had been fucking behind everyone's back. So while he couldn't exactly show you off, he had other ways to make sure you'd always come back to him.

   So you should have known better then to start hanging around that fucking nerd.

   You should have known he would have found out, how Izuku Midoryia would walk into the common room absolutely swooning about the wonderful chat you two had together in the elevator just moments before. You had been on your way to class, and happened to pass each other on the way out. 

   It was harmless, really. Izuku was a good friend to you.

   Bakugou had to teach you a lesson. That was why he waited outside for your class to finish, before wordlessly grabbing your hand and pulling you down the hallway that was packed with students. You tried multiple times to avoid eye contact with anyone else, Katsuki was literally holding your hand for the first time in public. Plus, it only added to the suspicion when he yanked open the nearest janitor closet, pulling you inside and slamming it shut. He clicked the lock into place.

   “So are you going to explain, Bakugou? You do realize everyone just saw that right?” Your voice was irritated, and you crossed your arms over your chest. Clearly, you weren't happy. That didn't matter to him though, he wasn't here to make you happy right now. “Don't talk” He said, taking a step forward to grab your backpack, pushing it past your shoulders and onto the floor. “Excuse me? What do you think-”

   His face instantly turned into a scowl, and his hand came up to grip tightly onto your jaw, the pads of his fingers and the tips of his nails digging into your cheeks. “Shut your mouth before I fucking shut it for you” He growled, leaning close to your face to make sure you could hear him clear enough. “You think your so fucking hot, hiding away in an elevator with that fucking idiot. You wanted to make me jealous? That why? Fucking brat” The closet was dark, but his piercing red eyes burned into yours as he pushed you all the way to the back of the wall. 

   “W-What are you talking about? I wasn't flirting with Izuku-” Your protest was interrupted by a harsh slap to the cheek, your face lurching to the side from the impact. “Say his name one more fucking time, I dare you little girl” 

   This was new. Katuski had always been dominant, it was his personality. Though, you had never seen him practically seething with jealousy. Your thighs were already getting sticky. “B-but I really wasn't” You weakly defended yourself as Katsuki’s free hand traveled down to your skirt, shoving it down past your hips. “B-b-but i-i-” He mocked your voice harshly, his fingers reaching behind you to roughly grab at your ass, before landing another harsh smack to your lower cheek. 

   “Your so fucking dumb, you don't even realize the effect you have on people. You need glasses? Huh four eyes? Couldn't see how he was gushing over your little talk today?” His grip on your jaw slowly slid down your neck and across your throat, pinching the sides between his thumb and index finger. Enough to hurt, but air still flowed to your lungs. “Maybe I just have to show you baby. You were a virgin when i first fucked you, my little virgin, right?” 

   “Y-yeah, Katsuki, please..” Your face burned in shame, but you couldn't deny the desperation he made you feel. It was so hot to see him all bothered like this, how possessive he could be. You weren't even publicly dating yet.

   “Guess ill just have to show you that I'm the first and last cock you'll ever fucking have” His hand came down to unbuckle his belt, yanking it off his hips and letting his jeans fall to the floor. “The only fucking one that can make you cum baby” He let go of his grip on your neck, instead placing both hands on your hips and turning you around to press your breasts up against the cold wall. It wasn't cold for long though, because Katsuki’s burning hot hand slithered between your shirt and the wall to grope at your breasts, pushing your bra up your chest.

   His knee parted your thighs, his foot kicking each of your ankles to spread them. “Open your fucking legs” He grunted in your ear, his free hand gripping tighter on your hip. You weren't sure when he took his briefs off, but you could feel the throbbing head of his cock parting your folds to rub up against your clit. “Katsukiii- Just fuck me already” You begged in a small whine, tilting your head back to lean up on his shoulder.

   Bakugou leaned down to press a loud, sloppy, wet kiss to your lips as he began to gently fuck his cock between your thighs. “You want me to fuck you baby girl? You sure you deserve this cock? You've been naughty, so fucking naughty” He growled in your ear as he began to teasingly fuck himself between your thighs, smearing his precum all over your soft skin, painting them white in his milky substance. 

   “Yes, yes please, I want it Suki, I want you nooow” Your whine was switched into a sing-songy tone. You reached between your legs, your fingers dancing on the tip of Bakugou's cock as it rubbed at your clit each time he fucked himself between your thighs. His hard cock throbbed between your legs for attention, and his breathing shuttered at your touch.

    “Naughty girl” He muttered, pulling his cock back just enough to push it as far as he could go into your pussy.

   “Fuck, Fuck, your so tight baby” He groaned, his arms circling tightly around your waist as he felt the weight of your body slack against his at the sudden intrusion of his cock. “K-Katsu- you- you went all the way in-inside” Tears pricked at the corner of your eyes, Katsuki leaned forward, his tongue rolling across your salty cheek to lap up your fallen tears. “Yeah baby, it's because you've been such a bad girl, gotta show you, gotta.. Fuck, gotta teach you to be good”  

   He pulled almost all the way out, just barely emptying you before slamming his cock back into your guts. He instantly hit the right angle, his cock filling you so perfectly and hitting you in all the right spaces. One of the lewdest moans you've ever heard fell past his lips and slipped right into your ear, and you were so thankful his mouth was right next to your ear.

    “Your such a fucking slut, getting my cock wet like this”

“Katsu- Katsuki wait-”

   No, only good girls were able to make demands, and you had infuriated Bakugou Katsuki to the point where even now he was holding back from fucking you too harsh, constantly aware if he was setting his quirk off or not. He almost wanted to say fuck it. 

   Too fast? Too harsh? Too deep?

   “Too fucking bad, your my little bitch right now” He growled, his movements speeding up and causing a new course of pleasure to shoot through both of your bodies. He reached up with his left hand, gripping your jaw and tilting your head to press a sloppy kiss onto your lips, roughly digging his teeth into your bottom lip as the sounds of smacking skin echoed in the room. “You- you’re so mean Kacchan” Maybe he was, but the way your pussy clenched and desperately sucked at his cock told him how much you were enjoying yourself.

   “No, no I think you're the mean one. Letting dumbass Deku think he has a chance with you- no fucking way” His sentence ended in a growl as the hand on your jaw returned to its place around your throat. “Not that he’d ever want you if he knew the truth- if he knew how much you loved fuckin’ creamin’ all over my cock, hah, fuck” His movements sped up, your legs felt tingly and the knot of ecstasy begin to pile in your stomach. 

   “‘M sorry, ‘m sorry Katsuki, please make me cum, please” Your words were weak, pathetic little whines tumbling helplessly past your lips. “M so sorry, I won't do it again, just please” God you sounded so hot. Your voice sounded so hot. The wet sounds the mixture of his dick in your pussy made together were so fucking hot. 

   “Dirty little girl, aren't you ashamed to be cumin all over me? All over my cock?” Katsuki couldn't deny his own release approaching, but he held off for that beautiful moment when you finished together. “No, betcha get off on it, you sick, twisted slut. My cheap little whore” 

   He knew when your head leaned back into his shoulder and your hand reached behind to grab the base of his hair, that you were cumming. As if the tightening around his cock wasn't already enough intel. On top of that, you knew what pulling his hair did to him, you knew, you dirty little succubus- 

   “Fuck baby, that's it, cum all over me, cum all over my cock sexy” His hips sputtered as you both came, his cock vibrating inside your pulsating walls as he shot out long spurts of semen inside of you. “So good ‘Suki, so good inside of me”

   Both of you spent a few moments panting, catching your breaths. Bakugou laid his head on your shoulder, placing kisses along your collarbone. With a breathy chuckle, he was reminded of the hectic hallway just outside. Surely there would be rumors now, rumors that would reach Izuku Midoryia and crush every single one of his hopes and dreams. 

   Slowly, he lifted his head up to smile at you. “Hey, dumbass” He said with a cocky grin. 

   “What would people say if they knew you were such a slut for me?”

𝐼𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑚𝑒𝑎𝑛𝑡𝑖𝑚𝑒, 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑚𝑎𝑦 𝑎𝑙𝑠𝑜 𝑙𝑖𝑘𝑒:  "𝙇𝙪𝙨𝙩, 𝙆𝙖𝙩𝙨𝙪𝙠𝙞, 𝙡𝙪𝙨𝙩”

𝑂𝑟 𝑚𝑎𝑦𝑏𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢'𝑑 𝑙𝑖𝑘𝑒 𝑡𝑜 𝑝𝑖𝑐𝑘 𝑓𝑟𝑜𝑚 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑚𝑎𝑠𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑙𝑖𝑠𝑡 ♡

© all copy rights reserved, do not claim, copy, or repost

[whenyourshipfinallysetssail]

Just some random

STRANGER THOUGHTS 2

***SPOILERS FOR SEASON 4***

*****My smoldering hot-takes on the season’s hottest DILF. 🥵******

Jeezus, is it a million and one degrees in here, or am I trapped in a Russian Prison with Enzo?

See, that’s funny because you’d think a Russian prison would be cold, but then there’s a hot DILF in there.

Question number one: ok yeah enemies to lovers but has anyone ever tried “helpful prison guard to sexy cell mate?” Is that a trope? Can we make it one?

Now you’re probably asking yourself, does this crazy bitch ship Hopper and Enzo?

And the answer is yes, of course I do, but not in an “I’m gonna be mad if this show doesn’t make this cannon” sort of way. I know nobody is queer-baiting me here. If anyone is queer-baiting me it’s me. I’m very good at it, thank you very much. I can imagine incredibly straight men are in love when they’re on screen together in my eyeline for too long. That said, Ronance, Steddie, Byler, and Jargyle: make it canon or we riot. [How fucking dumb was it when they just threw a random chick at Argyle to show the audience he’s got a big case of the not-gays? Who cares. This show loves smashing straights against each other. Show me some bi 80’s teens or shut the fuck up. Also, watch out, everybody, cause the Mileven Mafia is about to come gunning for me: I don’t give one single fuck about Mike and El’s relationship and I never have. El’s busy, guys. She’s got a whole “facing down an inter-dimensional existential threat/I’ve got two dads but one is abusive and one’s in a gulag” thing going on. Fuckin’ don’t make her date a boy right now.]

Now, back to that gulag. Ah, Enzo. Dimitri “Enzo” Antonov. My imaginary boyfriend that someone else imagined for me, who is never going to date my other imaginary boyfriend from Season 1 [on TV, at least. In head canon it’s already happening and you can’t stop it] for two reasons: A) because obviously Jopper is a thing and the writers aren’t going to suddenly drop that just because we got season 2 of the gay pirates. (But wouldn’t that be WILD? What if they had shot two versions of the ending and they held back Vol. 2 so they could use the gay ending if Our Flag Means Death got renewed? Would the internet survive the aftermath?) And B) my two boyfriends can never date because canonically Season 1 Hopper died in Season 3 when the Duffer Brothers got amnesia and started telling David Harbor to just scream at everyone in every scene. RIP, baby. I still love you.

[Side-Note: I’ve got so many good hashtags for this ship you guys: #jimitri #hopptonov #enzopper #hoppzo. They write themselves. These men fit like puzzle pieces. Sexy, sexy little puzzle pieces. Mmmm. Cold, boys? Why don’t you two papa bears snuggle up for warmth? Yeah . . . Yeah . . . That’s real cozy . . . . . . . ANYWAY]

And of course, C) #jimzo #twopigsinablanket [lol, they’re both cops] is never gonna happen because they’re absolutely setting up my glorious Russian cinnamon roll for a tragic heroic death.

Look, snow-muffin, I love you. You’re the steely-eyed, growly-voiced, salt and peachy mustached, true friend to the death, morally grey Russian with a not-so-secret heart of gold of my fuckin’ dreams. I’d watch a whole spin off that’s just you teaching your son to ice fish in silence. I want you and Mikhail to defect to America and move in with Jim and El and wind up in a super bi thrupple with Chief Hopper and my self insert OC. (Her name is Azelia Moondragon, she has three different color eyes, she can change genitalia at will, she has an IQ of 3.6 billion, and and she’s more powerful than the Mind Flayer, Vecna,El, and eight demogorgons put together . . . Nah, just fuckin’ with you. Her name’s Kate Kauffman and she’s a 38 year old therapist from New Jersey with a secret drinking problem.)

Listen, my ice duke, my proud Siberian wolf, my shot of Svayak with a spoonful of caviar, we both know you could have an AMAZING arc in Season 5. We both know you could wind up snatched by the US government and forced to remain at the lab in Hawkins while the feds scramble to cover up the existence of the Demogorgon you saw, that you could have a moving side mission to bring your son to the US illegally while you help your bestest pal Hop and his annoying girlfriend [no, she’s fine, it’s fine, I like her, they’re good together, not all the hot men want to kiss each other, and that’s ok] parent their sulky teens and save the damn world.

We both know you could fall madly, passionately in love with the mysterious new psychologist that the lab hires to provide you and the other Demogorgon survivors “trauma and readjustment therapy,” but who has secretly been tasked with wiping your memory so you can never go back to Russia and tell the world what you know. We’re both well aware that after she succumbs to your arctic-foxlike charm, Dr. Kate Kauffman could never bare to wipe your memories, that she would instead confess that she is not a psychiatrist, she is in fact a powerful psychic, a subject of the experiment that preceded Hawkins Lab, that in a fit of tears as she laid bare her secrets she would lift up her sleeve to reveal the mark on her wrist, faded, but perfectly legible: “000,” and then as you took her in your arms and told me no harm has been done, all is forgiven, you’re here to protect me now, the two of us would begin to float into the . . .

*Ahem* At any rate . . .

My beautiful near-winter ermine, we both know you have so much potential as a character. But it’s time for both of us to face the harsh, cold facts, so much colder and more harsh than the winters of your beloved homeland.

Dimitri, my darling, here are the reasons we both know you’re definitely not making it out of Season 4 alive:

1) You’ve got a son to get back to. ROOKIE mistake, my love. I’m frankly astonished at you. And you revealed it RIGHT before the big monster battle? I mean, why don’t you just do a big monologue about how you two are going to open up an awesome rabbit farm when you get home? Do you WANT to die? Baby, I volunteer for a suicide hotline. Next time you feel compelled to confess touching details about yourself the night before you face a deadly threat right at the end of a season arc, call me. We can talk it through. You have so many reasons to live!

And of course, that is why you are going to die.

2) Where is Mikhail’s mom?

Now, this one’s interesting. Arguments COULD be made this could go either way.

The facts are these:

You’ve made zero mention of your wife in all this “reflecting upon our lives as we stare into the gaping maw of death” talk. MAYBE your wife divorced you, and that’s why you don’t like to talk about her. Seems unlikely, given Hop got you to punch him by implying she was disloyal. (Although we can’t rule out the possibility that that remark hit just a little too close to home. Perhaps your drive to be seen as a hero of the Motherland in the eyes of your son stems from a need to demonstrate you are the REAL daddy, a bigger, braver, cooler man than the stepfather his mother left you for? Interesting. We can discuss this again in your next session, Dimitri. That is, if we even do any talking next time . . . I mean, what? Huh? Oh! Right, the thingy. Yeah, sorry, I uh, got distracted by the . . . Nevermind.)

ANYWAY, the much more likely answer is, Mikhail’s mommy is deadzo. You are not only a DILF, you are a hot widower, and the show runners are saving this juicy detail for the inevitable “calm before the coming storm,” beat, the moment just before your heroic sacrifice during the final battle or the crazy escape sequence, when Hop says something cheesy like “You’ve got to rest up. Tomorrow you’re gonna need all your strength to hug that wife and kid of yours.”

And you’ll stare just left of camera with your gorgeous, steely gaze, and you’ll say in your low, haunted voice “I will need strength for only one hug. I am all the family my son has left.”

BOOM. You’re dead. The emotional stakes just got higher and all the Duffer Brothers have to do now is fry ‘em up in the bacon grease of tragic irony and serve them to the audience with a side of mashed dream-potatoes as we weep for you. Now your son is an orphan! And Season 5 has a ready-made cute Russian to bring in and fatten with all our collective emotional investment before the final slaughter. [Fun fact: the third ritual sacrifice of a beloved fictional Russian in a series opens an actual real portal to a hell-dimension in our world!!! The last one opened on January 15, 1968, when the finale of The Man From U.N.C.L.E was broadcast! It was only closed by “chance” when the counter spell was “unwittingly” triggered by casting Armie Hammer as Illya Kuryakin in the GUY RITCHIE directed remake. GUY RITCHIE. Did you know he made a King Arthur Movie?! The Lock, Stock, and Every Movie Jason Statham Has Ever Been in guy. Made a remake of a 60’s tv show and a King Arthur movie with WAY TOO MANY GOD DAMN WIZARDS. Anyway, like I said, luckily the portal was closed, but the things which came from its depths still roam our Earth, seeking raw flesh and fun 60’s fashion accessories. Remember, Ritchie has more dark power and arcane knowledge than he’s letting on, and always wear an ascot or a cute colorful beret when you go out or you will perish horribly!]

Then again, there is a hopeful reading of the no-wife-scenario. MAYBE, dead wife means no strings to hold down the season 5 Enzo romantic D plot. MAYBE they’re leaving you open for more hasty and gratuitous hetero coupling! Doctor Kauffman?! Paging Doctor Kauffman to the set of Stranger Things Season 5! They’re prepping for your close up! And after that, you’re making ST history, they’re setting up to shoot the show’s first sex scene with two adults!!!

[remember when we watched two teens awkwardly fuck while Barb was gruesomely murdered in Season 1? That scene has gotten even LESS comfortable somehow as the actors have aged. You look back and see how young they look compared to now and you’re like “yikes! I know the actors were actually twenty, but please! No more babies fucking, thanks!” Glad they stopped doing that shit. If I had to watch El and Mike fuck I’d hurl, for more reasons than one. LEAVE HER ALONE AND LET HER FIGURE OUT HER SHIT GOD DAMN IT I DON’T NEED TO SEE HER PUNCH MIKE’S V CARD I DON’T CARE THIS ISN’T EUPHORIA ITS A GOD DAMN SCI FI 80’s THROWBACK FUN TIME ABOUT PSYCHIC BABIES!]

So, yeah, no wife could mean free meat for the season five Hetero-pairing meat grinder! There’s hope!

. . . Hope? . . . Who am I kidding? I’m sorry, Dimitri, but this is no time, no world for hope! This is Stranger Things! Do you really think we’re gonna make it out of another season with two new cast members still alive like we did in Season 2? No. No, in the end they killed Billy for his hubris in daring to outlast Bob Newby. All good looking things must end, my dear. Let us kill hope now, before she hurts us again.

3) This Show Fucking Loves Killing Precious Russian Moonbeams [alternatively titled “Are The Duffer Brothers Attempting to Summon The Ravening One From Beyond the 9,000th Eye?!?! Stay Tuned For Season 4 to Find Out!”]

I don’t know if, like, everyone in Russia knows everyone in Russia, but, like, probably not? It looks like a pretty big country on the map. But, Enzy, baby, can I call you Enzy? No? Ok, well, Antonov, sweetheart, do you remember Alexi? He was this really cute, funny, enjoyable Russian sidekick they had last season. We had so much fun with him! At first, we thought he was this bad Russian scientist who was going to help screw over our beloved friends, but in the end, he actually teamed up with them! We all really came to love Alexi! He was kind of a fan favorite! People wrote long, rambling things with a lot of weird jokes in them about him on Tumblr. And then . . .

Sound familiar?

Call me a pessimist, but I just don’t think the Duffer Bros can pass up an opportunity to murder a beloved fictional Russian. Besides, it has been long since the gate was opened. The Ravening One cries out for more tender flesh from our own corporeal plane. Its inessence rumbles, its dark mindlessness bends upon our dimension with all the fell, unfeeling intent and obsession of otherworldly instincts. The Duffer Brothers are thinking of doing a 60’s throwback for their next show, and Guy Ritchie is slated to direct the first seance, I mean episode! . . . Plus they’re like so attentive to details, they’d never kill three Russians on accident! Or forget their birthdays.

Dimitri “Enzo” Nikolai Andronic Niklosky Antonov, we could play this little game of denial, dream this little dream of happiness, torture ourselves a little while longer with what can never be. But neither you nor I are fools. Let us say goodbye now. Let us bid farewell to visions of you doing a really cool group side mission for one or two episodes with Steeve and Eddie and Robin and Nancy and Dustin and Max and El. Let us not cling any longer to fantasies of an episode beat where the adults go out on the town and you and Hopper get in a big bar fight with some assholes who are teasing Joyce and Murray, and you do lots of cool punching to some banging 1987 hit like, I don’t know, RICK ASTLEY’S “NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP?!?!?!” [Did I do it? Does it count as Rick Rolling if it’s in text?]

Let us let go once and for all of our wistful longing for all the dopamine-explosion moments as you interact and bond and integrate with the entire Stranger Things ensemble, the giddy spectacle of novel combination after novel recombination of beloved characters, that heady right of passage of exploring increasingly bizarre pairings and group dynamics all new ST characters who survive their first season are treated to, until the dread Season 5 finale ultimately tears them all assunder as the eldritch gods of the Upsidedown inevitably triumph and wipe all away with one mighty, slimy tendril of inter-dimensional horror.

All I can say, Enzipie, Dimipants, Antobutt, is that it’s been one hell of a ride. You may be just a corrupt guard of some remote, snowy prison in the middle of nowhere, betrayed by his crooked accomplice, imprisoned alongside his former captive, escaped with the aide of unlikely allies, and doomed by the conventions of narrative drama to die, but you melted my heart.

At least we get to keep Eddie! . . . Right? Duffers? DUFFERS?!

TOUCH HIM AND YOU DIE, GOD DAMN IT!!!

*begins sobbing and singing unintelligible Russian dirges while pounding the table rhythmically with fist*

[guqin-and-flute]

The Soup Incident [Episode 22]

Random Jin Guy: hey u know ur sister

WWX: everyone's mom? best person in the world? beset by terminal heterosexuality? rings a bell

LWJ: i'm sure this is more important than a war

Random Jin Guy: something happened with j

WWX: [overrunning other line] I MUST GO MY MEDDLING IS REQUIRED

Random Nie Guy: oop there he go

LWJ: wow this sounds serious

WWX: what horrors will i find what trauma will this compound what cruelty will i be met with also how did i know exactly where to go

WWX: OH. YOU.

JZX: gross

JYL: oh an audience perfect i'm sure this will de-escalate things

WWX: can we solve this with castration? tell me we can

JYL: no thanks i'd still like the option if it's all the same to u

WWX: it's not let me remove his body parts

JZX: like i'd let u near me u classless hellion

JYL: listen life hasn't been like the greatest lately had a lot of shitty carriage rides i'd like things to chill out and by things i mean namely u in this moment can we go now pls i have an appointment to cry into my pillow that i'm missing

WWX: omg noooo i'll behave i'm here to support u i'll be impartial

JYL: i don't believe that for a single second tho hun

WWX: impartial to how mUCH BLOOD I'M GONNA GET EVERYWHERE HOW IS IT  EVERY TIME I SEE UR STUPID FACE I HATE U MORE fuck u u piece o shit

JYL: and there it is

JZX: [angry sleeve flap of disdainful eloquence]

WWX: wtf

JYL: yeah he's good at those

JYL: honey ur not helping urself here he beat the shit out of u BEFORE he marinated in dark energy for 3 months pls use ur words and ur brain

WWX: WAT DID UR SLEEVE SAY TO ME BITCH

JYL: can we just go pls i like to not be reminded of exactly how much stupid i willingly allow into my life

WWX: but shijie M U R D E R

JYL: inexplicably i still want to marry him so no thank u

JZX: oh look mianmian's here

MM: u fuckin bet i am u dipshit

WWX: wtaf is wrong with him

MM: ok listen LISTEN i know i feel u trust me

JZX: time to return to the arrogance corner

WWX: UR YOUNG MASTER'S A BITCH

JYL: a-xian  n o

MM: no he totally is u right

JYL: well then he's MY bitch :(

MM: why do i bother to stay up late to practice conversations with u if u don't bother to try all that time wasted am i supposed to cover for u now?

JZX: bold of u to assume u can but go for it still don't know why tf ur all here just wanna eat my soup

WWX: HEY I HAVE A FUN GAME IT'S CALLED HOW MUCH OF CHENQING CAN WE FIT INTO JIN ZIXUAN quick someone pick an orifice

JYL: gross

MM: tempting

LWJ: oh hey i'm here now i walk slow oh shit the nice jiang is crying who would hurt the nice jiang?

MM: ok so u know how ur sister makes soup?

JYL: i never really stop it's a little pathological at this point maybe i should talk to someone...

LWJ: oh more heterosexual antics wei ying's achilles heel best wait outside thank god Xichen is mostly functional and gay as the day is long

MM: so she makes soup right? 2 goes to you chuckleheads and the third goes to emporer perpetual foot-in-mouth over here

JZX: [buffering]

MM: jfc why do i even try

WWX: DID HE INSULT UR  S O U P ?!

JYL: sorta i am soup and soup is me

MM: so anyway

JZX: [overrunning previous line] HOLD UP I THOUGHT RANDOM SERVANT NUMBER 62 BROUGHT ME THE SOUP THAT'S NATIVE TO YUNGMENG WHERE MY EX-FIANCE GREW UP

WWX: ur in love with an idiot

JYL: i'm in love with an idiot

MM: I STG UR HEAD IS FILLED WITH JUST HAIRBALLS AND LINT HOW ARE U STILL BREATHING

MM: SHE MAKES SOUP. SHE'S THE SOUP LADY. ASK PEOPLE WHAT THEY THINK OF  WHEN U SAY YANLI AND THEY'LL SAY KINDNESS. A N D  S O U P . and her murder-brothers but that's not the point rn

JZX: ...u made me soup

MM: i'm so fucking sorry pls marry him i need a competent woman to hang around with i'm getting dumber by the day

WWX: seriously this guy u love this guy?

JYL: xianxian pls romantic idiocy runs in our family it's practically traditional

JYL: i mean...yes i have 2 coping mechanisms; soup and crying neither of them are working rn tho help i don't unlock righteous fury until level 25

JZX: wow she made me soup

WWX: of course she made u soup  u human inner-thigh chafe show us the flashback mianmian

MM: [off screen] oh yeah that roll the tape jeeves

[ENTER FLASHBACK]

JYL: i made u soup bb

JZX: ur not servant number 62 go fuck urself

JYL: wut

[END FLASHBACK]

WWX: NO FURTHER QUESTIONS UR HONOR

Random Jin Guy Who Brought Wuxian: perhaps this was a [cursive writing] Mistake™

JZX: ouchie i can twirly fight countless puppets can't dodge a punch of the life of me cultivation jesus that's gonna leave a mark

JYL: GOD I WISH THIS WAS MORE CATHARTIC how does this always happen? who raised this kid? oh right me

Group of Random Jin Guards: we are all well intentioned but ultimately expendable extras fear us

Random Jin Guard: UNHAND HIM FIEND

WWX: cool imma write u a song it's called Don't Care Didn't Ask Gonna Kill Everyone In This Tent Over Soup in b flat tootly toot here comes the murder flute

Random Jin Guards attacked by resentful energy: [keyboard smash]

LWJ: wait hold on that's his shit starting music has shit been started?? wEi YiNg

WWX: are u prepared for the journey i'm about to send u on little man

JZX: i'm actually good here thanks

[unintelligible teenage screaming]

MM: HEY LISTEN U CAN'T DO THAT MURDER IS BAD and i still like him i sympathize but like...u can't

WWX: the semi corporeal black smoke demons that sublet my soul tell me that it's fine sooo

JYL: a-xian if u kill him now i will have put up with so much bs for n o t h i n g

LWJ: take a deep breath us ur words what in the actual hell is going on

WWX: fuck u ur not my therapist

LWJ: u do not have a therapist never has someone so clearly NOT had a therapist except maybe jiang cheng

WWX: SOUP MURDER IS GOING ON

LWJ: wut

JYL: pls understand it's just as dumb as you think

LWJ: ... i refuse to let soup related crimes of passion be something my future husband is known for u stop that

WWX: THEN I'M LEAVING

LWJ: wow

JYL: we're both in love with idiots

JZX: am i still gonna keep getting soup?

[this is a thing i do sometimes so if you would like to see more...]

Scene suggested by @nagisachan1​!! (I’m so sorry I forgot to tag/credit you when I posted this!)

[yikesharringrove]

Steveikes to think he can hold his own in the bedroom with billy but as soon as Billy’s starts with his particularly nasty brand of dirty talk, calling his ass a pussy and a cunt, talking about how he wants to keep Steve in his bed open and ready for him 24/7, how he wants to fuck him over the hood of the camaro or have Steve ride him while he’s speeding down the highways,,, yeah Steve goes dumb with it, eyes rolling to the back of his head as he lets out a long and loud groan, mind racing with all the filthy shit billy keeps feeding him with

Steve’s never had any complaints.

The people he’s slept with have always been well and truly sated.

He likes taking care of his partners, making sure they finished, that they felt good and comfortable.

He loves pleasuring his partners, sucking dick or eating pussy, making them feel good.

So it’s not that he thinks he’s some sex god or something like that, but he’d definitely say he’s not bad.

And he figures going into it with Billy, he’d stand a chance. Get to share in the give and take that Steve’s sex life almost always is.

And that holds up the first few times they have sex. When kinks haven’t really come out to play yet.

Billy’s good. His stroke came is not to be doubted, and his cock is nice, thick and heavy. Makes Steve feel so good.

Plus, like, he’s really great to look at.

So yeah, Steve’s having a good time. Participating fully in sex.

Until one night.

After a party at Stacey Adams’ house.

They’re both a little crossed, and Steve feels loose, feels good, Billy on top of him, lazily kissing his neck.

He’s coherent, and in his body.

Until Billy takes his wrists, presses them in one hand to the pillow above Steve’s head.

And pins him down, using all that bulky muscle to keep Steve just where he wants him.

And Steve’s not a small guy.

But he’s never felt more little, more meek and overpowered as he felt in that moment.

And Billy leaned forward, biting harshly on his neck before muttering in his ear, his breath hot against Steve’s skin.

“Can’t wait to get into that little cunt ‘a yours. Gonna destroy that pussy and make you beg for more.”

And Steve has never moaned so fucking loud before.

His eyes practically rolled back, his body arching closer to Billy’s, his shoulders straining from where his hands are still pinned above his head.

Because fuck. That’s new.

The dirty talk, the cunt mention, the begging.

And Steve wants it. He wants Billy to take him as hard as he can, to make him feel full and fucking good, to open up his hole and tell him what a nice pussy he has.

He just has the overwhelming urge to make Billy feel good.

Not in the way he usually does, to carefully and expertly pleasure his partner.

He wants Billy to use his body anyway he wants to get off. He wants him to take and take and take, to make Steve oversensitive and incoherent. He wants Billy to call the shots. To take control.

Fuck, he wants to be dominated.

Billy had one hand holding both of Steve’s wrists above his head, the other hand was sloppily pouring lube between Steve’s spread legs, making it drip coldly down his balls, run along his crack.

It was sloppy, and Billy grinned when he tossed the lube away, pressing one hand down to feel over Steve’s hole, purring in his ear.

“You’re so wet for me. This get you goin’? When I hold you down like a bitch? That what makes your cunt drip?”

It was gross, and so very hot.

Steve doesn’t think he’s ever spoken to a girl like this. He’s pretty sure this is demeaning. And maybe that’s what makes it so good, the pure humiliation of it all.

“Tell me what you want, Sugar. Beg for it.”

Steve didn’t even have to think, Billy’s fingers gently circling his rim making him crazy and needy.

“Want you to finger me open, get me loose enough for your cock. Want you to fuck me hard. Fuck m-my, my pussy.”

His face burned, and his cock kicked, spitting precum over his stomach. Billy grinned. He pushed one thick finger forward, and Steve moaned loudly at the intrusion, the sweet pressure as he opened up for Billy.

“God, you’re so easy. Such a fucking slut. Don’t know how your pussy stays so tight, the way you gag for cock. Maybe I should just keep you nice and open then, what do you think? Tie you up in this bed, keep you plugged up and loose for me to use anytime I want. Nothing but a cocksleeve for me.”

“Yes, Billy, fuck. I want that. I want you to use me.”

Billy drew his finger out, pressing two in at once, pushing them in and spreading them open, making Steve’s toes curl.

“What will you let me do, Stevie? Let me fuck you in public? Bend you right over my car and take you in front of the whole fuckin’ town?”

“God, yeah. Show everyone what a whore I am for you.”

It was making Steve so goddamn hard, calling himself a whore. Being taken by one by now three of Billy’s fingers. Picturing himself being claimed, being fucked, in broad fucking daylight.

And then Billy’s fingers were gone, and Steve actually fucking whined.

“Really, Baby? You want my cock that bad?”

All Steve could muster was a pathetic little mmn-hmmn in confirmation.

Billy reached down to slick up his cock, sliding it along the excess lube all over Steve.

One little adjustment, and the blunt head of his dick was pushing against Steve’s hole, just teasing him, barely even breaching his rim.

Billy leaned forward over him, and Steve thought he was going in for a kiss, let his eyes flutter closed.

And something wet hit his cheek as Billy thrust forward, ramming his cock inside Steve the exact same moment he spat on him.

Steve cried out, his mind going blank as he writhed, back arching off the bed, shoulders flexing as Billy still held his arms over his head.

Billy was fucking him brutally, knocking the wind out of Steve with every buck of his hips.

It felt like Billy was everywhere, and Steve was just a drooling fucking mess, barely even registering the words coming out of Billy’s mouth.

“-filthy fucking slut. Just a wet hole for me to use. Don’t even give a fuck if you finish, just gonna fill your cunt with my cum, watch it drip outta you like some brain dead little bitch.”

It was so hot.

“B-Billy, feels so fu-ucking good,” Steve could barely get the words out as Billy rammed his cock in and out of him, stretching him so wide it was bordering on painful.

“Your little pussy’s so tight for me. So fucking wet, you’re makin’ a mess of the fucking bed. What’s Stacey gonna think? When she comes in here after the party and finds the sheets ruined. You think she’s gonna know? Know that it was King Steve who got sloppy enough to leave a goddamn puddle? Know that it was me who got you on your back? Stuffed my cock so far up your sweet cunt you won’t be able to sit tomorrow?”

“I-I want her to know. Want everyone to know.”

“To know what?”

“That I’m, you make me-I’m your slut. Want everyone to know how, how good you fuck me. And how w-wet my pussy gets for you,” Steve stuttered out, his cheeks burning.

And then the pressure on his wrists were gone, and all of a sudden Billy’s fist was closing tightly around Steve’s cock, stroking him in time with his rough thrusts.

“Should drive through town with you squirming on my cock.  Roll down the windows, blast the radio, and let everyone see what a mess you turn into for my dick inside you.”

Billy gave one final tug, and Steve nearly screamed, his entire body going tight as he came all over them, covering himself and Billy with his cum.

He felt exhausted after, boneless and absolutely fucking ruined.

But Billy kept going, still fucking into Steve just as rough, just as brutal, getting himself off.

“That’s right, Sugar. Just lie back and let me take care of myself. Just use your fuckhole to finish off and leave you so sloppy and wet.”

And he did just that, bucking a few more times against Steve, sucking a punishing hickey onto Steve’s neck, no doubt leaving a huge mark Steve would probably whine about tomorrow.

He pulled out of Steve, sitting back on his heels to watch as his own spunk dripping slowly and beautifully out of Steve’s hole, puffy and pink and abused.

He pressed a kiss to the inside of Steve’s knee, the music from the party thumping away through the walls of the random bedroom.

Billy helped Steve stand up, pulling his underwear and jeans up and on for him, even buckling his belt, planting another kiss to Steve’s belly.

Steve felt loose, felt tired and fucked out. He felt fucking amazing.

“How was that?” Billy felt more on the nervous side.

Steve had gone along with everything Billy was talking about, had even cum harder than Billy’s ever seen, but he’s not sure.

“So fucking good, Bill. Gonna make you do that again someday soon.

Billy grinned at him as he zipped up his fly, pulling his shirt back on over his shoulders.

“‘Course, Baby. Gotta treat my princess right.”

Steve smiled at him softly, and they leaned in together for one last kiss before finding their ways out of the bedroom, leaving at different times, hoping not to draw any suspicious attention to themselves.

Steve caught Billy’s eye from across the living room several minutes later, raising one eyebrow and jerking his head towards the front door. Billy nodded once, their signal for leaving the party and heading back to Steve’s for the night.

Billy got in his car, following Steve home from a distance, hoping with his whole heart that Steve still had some of his cum left in him, some that Billy could use his fingers to fuck in and out of Steve before only adding to the load.

[et-lesailes]

thirst tweets

pairing: chris evans x celeb!reader

word count: 1750

summary: you and your boyfriend chris read thirst tweets for buzzfeed, but chris finds himself getting a little jealous.

themes: jealous!chris, poorly made up thirst tweets by moi, fluff :)

taglist: @viarogers , @evanstush , @chibi-crazy , @chalamet-evans , @world-of-losers , @songforhema, @sebabestianstan101 , @tanyam93 , @b-val1, @wonderwinchester , @little-miss-exo, @poerebel , @bitchbabes-world , @gogomez-509 , @patzammit

note: requested by anonymous // who would have thought that for someone so thirsty writing thirst tweets for a story would still be so difficult. also this is the very first time i’m using “Y/N” in a fic, i normally prefer not to but i figured it made more sense for a fic like this!

“Alright, let’s do this.” Chris declared with a grin, pointing at the camera with a playful wink. You laughed as you nodded your head, just as excited-- the two of you were with BuzzFeed, participating in their famous “Celebs Read Thirst Tweets” video, and being both a couple and a part of the Avengers cast made it all the more fun. “So we’re reading them to each other?” you clarified with the camera crew, giggling slightly at the thought. “That’s right. You read it to the other person as if you wrote it yourself. And-- you have to keep a straight face while you do it.” They confirmed, and both of you laughed loudly upon the thought, clearly liking this game. “Okay, okay. So we’ll switch off,” Chris decided, looking at you with a grin. “Wanna go first, babe?”

“Oh, yes. This is gonna be good,” you laughed, reaching into the container filled with the printed slips of tweets designated for him. Taking one out, you read it to yourself and almost busted out laughing right then and there, but you instead cleared your throat and looked up at him seriously. “Chris Evans could decapitate me and my severed head would be lying there saying thank you daddy.” He blinked before laughing loudly, his hand, of course, going straight for his left pec. “What?! Where did they even come up with that? God, that’s great. Uh, thank you. I think.” He looked to the camera with a wide smile, his blue eyes flickering with amusement. “Okay, my turn.” Reaching into the container, he pulled out a slip of paper, looking down at it-- he was already smiling just from reading it, but he looked back up towards you, keeping a straight face. “[Y/N] could kick me in the balls and I’d probably jizz.” The second he said it, he couldn’t help himself; he burst out laughing and you laughed along with him. “Oh my God,” you giggled, looking towards the camera. “Okay, well, I’m not going to do that. For more reasons than one, apparently.”

The video went on, and each tweet became funnier and more vulgar than the previous one. Despite being the great actor he was, Chris was definitely worse than you when it came to staying serious; he was the type of guy who couldn’t help but express himself, and this was definitely the case with his laughter and infamous left boob grab.

“I want to wear Chris Evans’ beard as underwear.”

“I thought I was straight until I saw [Y/N’s] latest photoshoot for Vogue. I’d be wet if she just breathed on me.”

“Can Chris Evans just suffocate me with those thick biceps? Is that too much to ask for?”

“[Y/N’s] legs are already perfect but they’d look even more perfect wrapped around my neck just saying.”

The two of you were already having a blast, but then the video moved on to couple thirst tweets-- you hadn’t even been aware that such a thing existed. “There’s thirst tweets about both of us together?” you asked incredulously, glancing up at Chris with amusement. “Like, fans wanting to have a threesome with us or something?” The producer chuckled, wiggling his eyebrows playfully. “Why don’t you read them and find out?” Now curious, you took the container one of the crew members handed to you, looking at the camera with a little intrigued grin before slipping one of the pieces of paper out. “It’d be one thing to be in front of Chris Evans or [Y/N], but how do people not pass out from the overwhelming beauty and perfection of just being in the presence of both of them together??” you read, then widened your eyes as you looked back up at the camera. “Aw! Oh my God, that’s so sweet, but please, it takes a village to make us look picture perfect, okay?” You looked up at your boyfriend before rolling your eyes playfully, adding, “Well, for me, anyways.” Chris scoffed in response, putting you in a playful chokehold and ignoring your squeals and giggles. “Ignore her, she looks this damn perfect all the time-- and trust me, it does make me want to pass out.”

“Uh-huh,” you replied to his cheesy response, though both of you knew you loved it. He chuckled and let go of you, taking a paper out himself. “My sexual orientation is seeing the way Chris and [Y/N] look at each other. Heart eye emoji, heart eye emoji, heart eye emoji.” He added, then grinned as he saw pictures come up on screen of the two of you at different events, gazing adoringly at each other. “Oh, geez, those look so staged for some reason but they’re so real, I swear.” He laughed, putting the paper down so he could wrap both of his arms around you. “Man, baby, we’re pretty fuckin’ cute aren’t we?” You smiled fondly as you looked at the pictures, chuckling in amusement. “I didn’t even realize we did that. But that is pretty cute, I have to admit. Can fans send us these pictures or something? We need more to decorate our home with, and I swear you guys have more photos of us than we do,” you joked, eyes twinkling as you looked towards the camera.

Just like the previous segment, the tweets were becoming more and more descriptive.

“I bet [Y/N] and Chris have mindblowing sex. What a lucky son of a bitch!”

“Chris looks like he’s such a good kisser, damn [Y/N] good for you girl!”

“Yo those gifs of [Y/N] from that sex scene in her new movie though, I bet that girl’s freaky in bed… Chris care to comment???”

“If I was [Y/N] I’d literally never be able to keep my hands and/or any of my other body parts off of that beautiful man no matter where we were. Props to her for having way more self control than I could ever have LOL.”

“[Y/N] if you and Chris ever break it off please give me a chance, I swear I’d love you down so hard.”

You noticed an ever-so-subtle change in Chris’ expression upon reading the last one, and you wished you had never even read it. The two of you had practically been on autopilot from all the fun you were having, not even bothering to read them to yourselves first but instead just blurting them out loud. Still, he would not show he was upset; the two of you were on camera, after all, but you could read him well by now to know it rubbed him the wrong way. How could it not? You were a bit bothered that the producer had even put it in there, but as you saw the crew laughing, it seemed like they saw nothing wrong with it. The two of you were able to end the video smoothly, still smiling for the cameras and joking around, but once it was over, his expression fell slightly. You said somewhat rushed goodbyes and thank yous to the crew before taking a hold of his arm, lightly pulling him aside to a more private area.

“Babe, don’t be upset about that last one, that entire tweet was just dumb okay? It’s not like we’re actually breaking up.”

He sighed, clearly annoyed as he ran his fingers through his dirty blond hair. “Yeah, yeah, I know, but then after that one it just got me thinking about every tweet. I mean, why do these little pricks think that they can just.. I dunno, think about you like that? You’re my girlfriend, not theirs.”

The pout on his face was adorable-- in fact, his boyish grumbling was adorable, but you knew the last thing he wanted was to be called that right now. Still, you couldn’t help but smile as you stood on your tiptoes to kiss his cheek, wrapping your arms around his neck. “It doesn’t matter, Chris, you’re the one who has me. Not them. And don’t call them pricks, they’re fans, they support us! ...In their own, weird way.” You giggled, and he looked even more grumpy, muttering, “Well they shouldn’t say such crude stuff about you. That’s not how you talk about a lady. Especially not one as beautiful as you. And why does it seem like they’re all trying to say they can fuck you better than I can or something? Doesn’t it seem like that?”

“I think you’re overanalyzing it, baby. But even if that is what they think, they’re wrong.” You insisted, sighing softly as you ran your fingers through his hair, though unable to help but chuckle quietly at how worked up he was-- you couldn’t help but think it was cute how protective and defensive he got over you. “Besides, if you want me to prove how much I love you fucking me, I’d be more than happy to…” you murmured playfully, pressing a kiss to his chin. That made him smile a little bit, though he still looked a bit dark overall. “Mm. I just don’t want people talking about you like that anymore. Only I’m allowed to,” he muttered somewhat childishly, though the corner of his lips were barely tugged upwards, indicating that he wasn’t being fully serious. You smiled in return, wrapping your arms around his neck. “Are you really so jealous that you just basically ignored me inviting you to have sex with me?” you asked playfully, and he blinked a few times before finally cracking a wider smile, sighing as he suddenly scooped you up in his arms. “Jesus. Something really must be wrong with me, huh?”

“Yes, but… your jealousy’s kinda cute.” You admitted, giggling as you securely wrapped your legs around him. “Come on, let’s go back home. Dodger’s waiting for us.” He smiled upon the mere thought of sharing cuddles with you and his adorable canine best friend, nodding his head with another heavy sigh. “Alright. But just know that when we get home I’m tweeting a selfie of both of us just to further clarify that you’re mine.” He leaned in to kiss you lovingly, still easily holding you in his arms. “I have absolutely no issue with that,” you giggled softly against his lips as you kissed him back, giving in to the luxury of the muscular man carrying you outside to the car, just as excited as him to go home and cuddle up on the couch.

[idnek83]

Aid - Chapter 4/13

Rating: Explicit

Pairing: Soda Kazuichi/Tanaka Gundham

Tags: Alternate Universe - Island Mode, No Game Spoilers, Masturbation,  Hand Jobs, Blow Jobs, Semi-Public Sex, Grinding, Wet Dreams, Anal Fingering,  Friends With Benefits,  Getting Together, Internalized Homophobia, Anal Sex

Summary: Everyone is hot and half naked because of their beach vacation. Soda is horny and tries to do something about it. Gundham tries to help and does. It all gets a little out of hand.

Chapter: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13

Read on Ao3

This Chapter: Soda is slowly realizing his relationships might be changing. Soda has some feelings, Gundham has a secret, and both of them blow off some steam.

_____________________

Once he was out of Nagito’s sight, Soda stopped and looked around. Gundham had gone to the beach? He said he didn’t like the ocean or whatever, but now he was apparently going to the beach on his own? Had he just made an excuse earlier cus he didn’t want to hang out with everyone?

Had Gundham just not wanted to hang out with him?

Soda hesitated. Gundham might just get even more annoyed with him if he showed up and crashed his secret beach time. Maybe he really should just take the food back to his own room, eat way too much, maybe cry a little, then pass out for the night. That sounded like an alright plan…

But his dumbass already had told everyone he was taking food to Gundham, meaning Gundham would definitely find out that Soda had purposely not looked for him and get even more pissed. God damnit. He really couldn’t deal with it if Gundham hated him.

He started walking towards the beach. If Gundham got mad he could just play dumb and say he was going for a swim, he was still in his swimsuit after all.

It wasn’t a great plan but, hey, it was a plan.

He wasn’t really sure what he’d find; Gundham swimming, or exercising, or taming animals, or like, trying to summon a demon. But when he got to there, Gundham was simply standing still, dressed once again in his swim shorts and scarf, staring out at the ocean with a troubled look on his face.

Something about it made Soda feel like he was seeing something private. Like Gundham really wouldn’t want him there.

Before he could even think about leaving, Gundham turned his head and caught sight of him. He looked surprised and… embarrassed?

“My… Kazuichi, for what purpose have you disturbed my dark meditation?” He didn’t look mad, but Soda could tell he wasn’t happy to see him. Ouch. Fair, but still ouch.

“Uh, Teruteru made food for everyone so… I thought maybe you’d want to eat some too?” He awkwardly shifted the bowl in his hands.

“Ah, if you are simply here to deliver sustenance, you may do so and leave.” Gundham gestured dismissively to a spot on the ground where he had laid out a towel.

Oh shit, he was actually super mad wasn’t he, Gundham must be one of those guys who just never yells when he’s actually pissed, just gets quiet and scary. Shit. Fuck. At least he was used to being yelled at, he didn’t know how to deal with quiet angry people. He really needed to apologize.

“Look Gundham, I’m really fuckin’ sorry, I shouldn’t have-“

“You are sorry?” Gundham looked surprised. God, he must think Soda is a real piece of shit to be surprised that he’d try to apologize. Soda’s chest felt tight. He was actually gonna cry. Gundham definitely already hated him.

“Y-yeah, I- look it was stupid and I’m stupid and I really didn’t mean to be so god d-damn shitty to you, I was just…” A stupid selfish asshole? An idiot chasing tail? The same useless fuck-up he had always been? God he wasn’t even worth the time Gundham was giving him to apologize. And now he was crying like some kind of pussy.

Gundham was standing in front of him now, Soda looked at the ground. Gundham didn’t need to see how ugly his face was when he was crying like a little bitch, and Soda didn’t want to see the look Gundham’s face when he realised just how truly pathetic he was.

“I just so- so fucking stupid and useless and-” He felt a hand on his naked shoulder.

“My sweet companion, I do not know what it is you are trying to apologize for,” Gundham pulled him close to his bare chest and began to gently stroke his hair “but I am certain it is not worth shedding your precious tears over.”

Soda sniffed, grossly, against Gundham’s shoulder “I t-totally ditched you today. I invited you out and the I just f-fucking left you.” His arms were just hanging at his sides while Gundham tried to comfort him. He had dropped Teru’s food. He felt incredibly stupid. He was incredibly stupid.

“I believe it was I who deigned not to accompany you.” Gundham moved his hand from Soda’s hair to his cheek, gently shifting his head so he was able to look into Soda’s eyes. “You have inverted the situation, dearest friend, I fear it is I who must ask forgiveness of you.” Gundham smiled in that soft way that made Soda’s chest hurt.

“I- huh? B-but I should have-“ He averted his eyes from Gundham’s face, he didn’t deserve Gundham’s kindness.

“Then I forgive you, if that is what you wish to hear. I forgive you for all that you believe you have done wrong, and I only ask that you to grant me the pleasure of your smile in return.” The hand on Soda’s cheek slid under his chin and lifted. Soda had stopped crying, but he didn’t smile. “Do not make me call upon my Deva’s, Kazuichi, you will not be able to withstand their wrath.”

Soda laughed weakly, turning his head to rest it against Gundham’s shoulder. “You didn’t a-actually bring them to the beach right?” He sniffled a little, feeling his tears drying on his cheeks “Isn’t it dangerous for them out here in the dark?”

“Ah, you once again prove to be wise beyond my perception. The Deva’s remain safely in their lairs.” Gundham’s hand was back in his hair, stroking.  “You’ve bested my deception with your dark insight, well done.” Gundham stepped back so he could look at Soda again. “Shall we partake in the rations you have fetched? Perhaps it would be best to converse after sating our hunger.”

Soda looked down at the food he had dropped, it looked like the lid had stayed on at least.

“Okay, y-yeah, that sounds like a good idea.”

They sat on Gundham’s towel and ate in silence, as Soda’s shaky breathing slowly returned to normal. He always felt so unsteady after crying, it was embarrassing. At least Gundham wasn’t making fun of him for it.

“Hey, um… Sorry about all that.” He said, staring at his feet. “I swear I’m not usually such a pussy, I just… had a weird day, I guess. Shit just kinda piled up and, well… I dunno, I guess I was worried you like, hated me or something?”

“I am… quite far from hating you.” Soda looked up, but Gundham turned away from him. “Why would you think I held such a feeling for you?”

“Cus of how I ditched you earlier! Like a complete asshole! What kinda friend does that?”

“So, the guilt you felt, believing you had abandoned me, that was what caused your emotions to spill out so violently?”

“I guess, kinda… yeah?”

“Ah, then I truly do own you my most sincere of apologies.”

“What? No man, it’s fine, really.”

“But it is my weakness which caused you such sorrow.”

“Your weakness?”

Gundham stood and turned towards the ocean. “As I said, it was I who chose not to accompany you. I… wished to partake in the ritual which our comrades suggested, however, I would not have been able to.”

Not able? Didn’t Gundham just hate the ocean or something?

“It is shameful but… I am unable to traverse Poseidon’s realm.” Gundham hid the lower half of his face in his scarf as he spoke.

‘Unable to traverse’? Wait, did he mean-

“You can’t swim?” Soda was sure he was misunderstanding.

What little Soda could see of Gundham’s face turned red.

“As I said, it is quite shameful. That is why I ventured here this dark night; I wish to overcome my weakness, so that I may partake when next I am bade to an aquatic ritual.” Gundham sighed “However, it is proving quite difficult.”

So he was trying to teach himself to swim? So that he could hang out with everyone next time they wanted to play in the ocean? That was… pretty cute.

“I could teach you.” Soda had spent some time checking out a busty swim instructor at a pool one summer, he figured he probably picked something up.

“You would aid me in this?”

Soda’s heart skipped a beat when Gundham spoke that word, and he knew he was blushing. He told his dick to shut up for a minute so he could help his friend.

“Course, I don’t mind. I missed you at the beach today anyways, so it’d be cool if you came next time.” Soda scratched his face and tried not to think too much about Gundham coming. “You wanna do this now or?”

“It was my intention to begin my training tonight. Does this suit you?”

“Sure, I could go for another swim.” He smiled at Gundham. Gundham smiled at him.

“Thank you, my dearest-”

A loud laugh could be heard coming from the direction of their cabins. Apparently their friends were returning from the other island. Soda saw the embarrassed look on Gundham’s face and realised he probably didn’t want the others to know about his ‘weakness’.

“C’mon, grab your stuff and let’s find somewhere else to do this.” Soda picked up the empty bowl they had been eating from and headed towards the rocky outcrop a little further down the shore. He could hear Gundham just behind him.

The “beach” on the other side of the hill wasn’t nearly as nice. It was essentially just a small patch of sand, surrounded by the rocky outcrop so you couldn’t enjoy the cool sea breeze during the day. But that also meant it was relatively isolated from the rest of the island and they wouldn’t have to worry about the others catching them here.

Swimming, they wouldn’t have to worry about the others catching them swimming here.

Gundham spread out his towel again and Soda bent over to set the bowl down next to it. When he straightened out, Gundham was behind him, staring. There was a moment of awkwardness between them.

“Uh, I guess we should get started then?” Soda laughed awkwardly and gestured towards the water, what was with this atmosphere?

“Yes, you are right.” Gundham removed his scarf, turned, and walked towards the ocean. Was Soda imagining it or did Gundham look a little… disappointed?

Weird.

Soda followed him into the water. The sun had set like an hour ago, but it was still plenty warm out and the coolness of the water was nice. Soda waded out until the water was at his waist, before diving forwards and enjoyed being submerged in the refreshing feeling for a moment. When he resurfaced he found Gundham staring at him with a worried expression.

“Don’t worry dude, it’s not even that deep here. If you think you’re gonna go under all ya gotta do is stand up.” Soda reached out and gave him a reassuring pat on the arm. Wow, he always forgot that Gundham was actually kinda jacked. His biceps were-

A topic for another time when he wasn’t trying to help his friend learn how to swim.

“Ok so uh, I guess we should just start with floating? Or do you know how to do that already?”

Gundham looked apprehensively at the water and shook his head.

“No worries man, just like, lay back and let the water catch you.” Soda demonstrated, then righted himself. “See? Easy. Your turn.”

Gundham slowly laid back, then promptly sunk below the water. Oops. Not easy apparently.

Gundham re-emerged, blushing and gasping. He turned his gaze to the shore.

“Perhaps-”

“Don’t worry about it dude, that was my bad.” He wasn’t going to let Gundham give up that easily. “Try it again, I’ll help you stay up this time.” Soda moved next to Gundham and put his hands out to catch him. “Just lay back again, I won’t let you go under, trust me.”

Gundham took a deep breath before laying back again. Once he was on his back Soda could tell his hands were the only thing keeping Gundham above water.

“Ok, so now you gotta just, kinda, spread your arms and legs.” He though back to the swim instructor, “Like a starfish.” Gundham complied and Soda felt the weight on his palms lessen. Almost there.

“K’ now you just gotta relax.” Gundham gave him an uneasy look. “C’mon, just like, take some deep breaths and close your eyes. I’m here dude, it’ll be fine.”

With a heavy sigh Gundham closed his eyes. He began taking deep breaths and Soda could feel the tension slowly leaving his body.

Soda felt kind of proud of him. This was probably pretty tough for Gundham, opening up and trusting another person like this. Soda wasn’t sure if he’d be able to do the same thing in his place.

Looking down at Gundham, Soda felt his heart beat a little faster. His face looked almost peaceful and his hair was a little messy. Apparently whatever product Gundham used to style his hair wasn’t waterproof. Soda let his gaze wander to the rise and fall of Gundham’s chest. He swallowed. Gundham had really nice pecs. And great abs. And thighs. And from what he remembered-

No, bad dick, helping Gundham comes first.

But maybe Gundham wouldn’t mind some help from his dick too?

“Is my form off?”

“W-what.” Gundham had opened his eyes at some point.

“I feel as though I am properly ‘floating’ now, but you seem to be examining my form quite closely. Am I doing something incorrectly?”

“Oh, no. You’re doing great. I was just…” Thinking about your dick. “Uh, anyways, why don’t we try a front float now?”

Soda waited until Gundham was standing and demonstrated floating on his stomach.

“So same deal as before, I’ll hold you up, so just focus on letting your body relax.”

Gundham lay forward, with much less apprehension than before, and Soda placed a hand on his stomach to support him.

God, Gundham’s abs. Soda couldn’t help but rub his hand over them a little, pretending he was adjusting his grip. Yeah, he was trying to focus on helping Gundham, but it was okay to be a little turned on right? Staring at Gundham’s back muscles wasn’t really helping the situation either. Why was Gundham in such good shape? Was training animals really that much work?

Focus Soda.

“You alright Gundham? Ready to try actually moving a bit?”

He felt Gundham tense up a bit, but he nodded anyways.

“Ok, I’ll keep holding you up for now so don’t worry. Just try kicking your legs a bit.”

–

Soda wasn’t sure how long they had been out there. He just knew Gundham was now able to do a passable breast stroke and that he had lost track of how many times he had blanked out just staring at Gundham’s body. He did know he had been caught more than once though. And that he had caught Gundham doing the same thing at least twice.

Gundham definitely didn’t need Soda to hold him up while he floated anymore, but he asked to do it again anyways, saying he wanted to focus on his form. Soda obliged, and Gundham didn’t ask why he placed one hand under his thigh this time, didn’t ask when Soda began to lightly squeeze and rub. Soda didn’t mention the quiet moan that escaped Gundham’s lips when he moved his hand to his ass, didn’t mention the growing bulge in Gundham’s trunks, just moved closer so Gundham could feel the one in his. Gundham didn’t stop him, instead he just stood, slowly, and pulled Soda in by his hips.

“Aid me.” Gundham pressed his cock into Soda’s hip, and breathed against his ear. “Please.”

Soda didn’t even have time to think about the way that word had gone straight to his dick. He grabbed Gundham’ hand and headed for shore.

He sat on Gundham’s towel, only to be pushed onto his back a second later. Gundham kneeled between his thighs and cradled his cheek.

“My sweet companion.” He whispered before ducking his head and kissing down Soda’s neck. Soda bucked his hips a little and slid a hand into Gundham’s hair.

“Fuuck, Gundham.” He moaned his name and bucked his hips again, the angle wasn’t right, he wasn’t getting the friction he wanted. He let out a frustrated groan.

Gundham must have understood what he wanted though. He slid his hands down Soda’s body and grabbed him by the hips, lifting them and pulling them flush with his own. Gundham lightly bit down on his shoulder and began thrusting against him. It wasn’t perfect, their cocks weren’t quite lined up right, but the friction caused by their swim shorts rubbing against each other as Gundham moved was still maddening.

“A-ah… my dearest… I- hah.” Gundham was moving quickly, nipping and licking at Soda’s neck and shoulders as he drove his hips forward. He was quietly moaning, his grip on Soda’s hips began to tighten, and his thrusts were growing stronger as he pulled Soda against him. He looked like he was already about to cum.

Gundham must have already been pretty turned on if he was getting close that fast. As hot as that was, Soda wasn’t ready for this to be over so quickly. He remembered he still needed to make Gundham scream.

“Gundham- ah- wait.” He ran a hand down Gundham’s back and squeezed his ass. Gundham slowed his thrusts. “What’s the rush? Lets slow things down a little.”

Gundham swallowed and stopped moving his hips. “Ah, my dark consort, I apologize. I was-” Gundham slid a hand back up to Soda’s cheek “Overcome.”

Soda shivered at the word. He didn’t think he had ever heard that tone in Gundham’s voice before. And ‘dark consort’ was new too, wasn’t it?

He wasn’t here to analyze Gundham’s speech though.

Soda squeezed Gundham’s ass again and moved his hands up to his chest, shoving slightly. Gundham got the hint and leaned back, only for Soda to follow him up. He placed his hands on Gundham’s shoulders and pushed him back until he was sitting so Soda could straddle his hips. Soda had planned to take the initiative, but Gundham didn’t give him time to.

Gundham’s hand found Soda’s hip, rubbing slightly before slipping onto his ass and kneading. He ran his other hand up Soda’s chest, teasing a nipple with his thumb before replacing it with his mouth. Soda gasped and tightened his grip on Gundham’s shoulders. He had though about sucking on girls’ tits before, but he never realised it would feel so good to have someone do it to him.

“Shit, Gundham.” He ground his hips down into Gundham’s. Gundham hummed in response, his deep voice resonating through Soda’s chest as he switched his attention to his other nipple.

Soda started grinding in earnest, enjoying the way he could feel Gundham’s breath catch against his skin. He reached down to free his cock from his shorts, then moved to do the same for Gundham. He couldn’t really see with Gundham still mouthing at his chest, so he did a bit of feeling around first instead. He traced Gundham’s abs with his fingers and used them as a guide down to Gundham’s cock. God, he forgot how big it was. He rubbed it through his shorts before finally freeing it. He couldn’t help it, he pushed Gundham back a bit so he could see his cock properly.

No fucking wonder he had sucked Gundham off in the beach house. His cock was just so… appetizing. He could literally feel himself salivating at the sight of it. He remembered how thick and warm and heavy it had been in his mouth last time. He wanted that again. He wanted it and he wondered if it would feel just as good in his ass.

His dick twitched but his mind froze. He probably wasn’t ready for that.

Yet.

Gundham was watching him. Waiting.

“What do you desire my consort?” There was that hand on his cheek again. He looked from Gundham’s cock to his face, his beautiful, flushed face. Gundham licked his lips. Soda followed the movement of his tongue with his eyes, and found himself focusing on Gundham’s mouth.

Fuck, he kind of wanted to kiss him.

Was that allowed? They had never really laid down any ground rules for their… relationship? No. Pact. That’s what Gundham had called it, and it was probably safest to just keep calling it that. Nice and vague. Obviously getting each other off was the main thing with their ‘pact’, they were just two bros helping each other relieve some tension, right? Did that make them fuck-buddies? Did people kiss their fuck-buddies? He’s pretty sure they did in movies, but then they always ended up falling in love, and he didn’t want that.

Right?

“Dearest consort?” Oops, guess he had been spacing out.

“Sorry, it’s just-” Probably best to just ask if they could kiss right? “I was um, t-thinking about your tongue? And like, uh y-your lips? Um- sorry.” or not. He had sucked this mans dick but somehow thinking about kissing him was turning him into a stuttering mess.

“Mmm, fret not, my consort, I understand.” Gundham gave him one of those soft smiles that did things to his heart and slid a hand down Soda’s neck, the back up, resting it on the back of his head.

Oh shit, okay. Here goes nothing then.

Gundham brought his other hand up to Soda’s chest and pushed him backwards. They ended up in the same position they had started in, only now with their cocks out and Soda’s legs spread wide. He wasn’t sure why they had to be in this position to kiss, but he wasn’t about to complain. He was all to aware how easy it would be for Gundham to fuck him in this position, and he was too distracted by how turned on that thought made him to notice Gundham was currently moving away from his lips.

Gundham was kissing his chest again, pausing to lick one of his nipples and give it a light suck before moving his head lower.

Oh.

No kissing then.

Soda felt… complicated. And complicated could wait.

The lips on his stomach reminded him he was about to get blown, and the hand wrapping around his dick reminded him that he was horny as hell.

Yeah, complicated could definitely wait.

Gundham was just barely pumping Soda’s dick. Teasing, Soda realised, getting him extra excited for the main event. Gundham kissed just below his belly button, then pulled away, making Soda whine. Gundham smiled and shushed him, pulling Soda’s swim trunks all the way off and moving back to where he had been, punctuating his action with another kiss below Soda’s belly button and a squeeze of his dick.

Gundham resumed his downward path, planting more kisses on Soda’s abdomen, each one getting just a little bit closer to his cock. Then, right when Soda thought there wasn’t anywhere else for Gundham to kiss, he lifted one of Soda’s legs and began to kiss along his thigh instead.

More teasing?

Soda couldn’t stand it.

He loved it.

He let out a frustrated moan. Gundham laughed and hummed into his thigh, then bit down gently. Soda couldn’t stop his hips from bucking a little, up into the barely moving hand Gundham still had on his dick. The friction felt good, so he did it again. Gundham used the hand he had lifted Soda’s leg with to hold his hip still and switched his attention to his other thigh. Soda couldn’t take it anymore.

“Gundham please! Stop teasing!”

“Were you not the one who said we should ‘slow things down’?” Gundham laughed against the spot where his thigh met his groin. Soda loved it and hated it.

“Y-yeah but c’mon, isn’t this a little too slow?”

“Mmm, then if that is your desire” Gundham finally put his mouth on Soda’s cock.

He kissed the tip gently before running his lips down the side and licking his way back up. Then he opened his mouth and sucked.

“Ah Gundham.” Soda couldn’t believe how good it felt. Gundham took more of his cock into his mouth and began to bob his head. Soda’s head shot back, and he felt like he was going to die from pleasure.

Gundham’s mouth was wet and warm and tight around his cock, and his tongue kept working along his shaft, making him feel things he could hardly describe. Soda knew he was moaning Gundham’s name, over and over, but he couldn’t stop. Every time Gundham pulled back he sucked hard on Soda’s cock and the only thing stopping Soda from thrusting up into Gundham’s mouth was that strong hand on his hip. He didn’t know where the hand on his thigh had gone, he couldn’t focus long enough to find it. He reached for the one on his hip and covered it with his own. Gundham moaned around his cock and laced his fingers through Soda’s, shifting so he could use his forearm to keep Soda’s hips pinned in place.

He was going to cum. He squeezed Gundham’s hand and looked down at him, trying to get his attention, trying to warn him in case he didn’t want Soda cumming in his mouth.

But the second he saw Gundham’s face, lips wrapped around his cock, eyes locked with his, and flushed the same way it had been when Soda had been sucking his cock, it was over. His hips were bucking against Gundham’s arm and he was cumming down his throat, his name on his lips. He could feel more than hear Gundham moaning around his cock, and the vibrations kept him at in ecstasy for just a little longer, before becoming to be to much for his sensitive cock.

“Gundham, please, it’s too much.” Gundham moaned again and pulled off his cock. He went back to Soda’s thighs, no longer gently kissing and teasing, but sucking and biting. Soda was vaguely aware of Gundham’s shoulder shifting rapidly.

“S-soda!” He squeezed Soda’s hand and buried his face into the crook of his thigh. He was so taken aback by Gundham actually calling him ‘Soda’ that it took him a moment to realise Gundham was cumming.

Oh, so that’s where that hand went.

Gundham kept his face pressed into Soda’s thigh for a moment, panting, before kissing it for a final time and crawling back up Soda’s body, releasing his hand only long enough to unhook his arm from around Soda’s leg before intertwining their fingers once again.

“You know I could have, uh, done that for you.” Wasn’t the whole idea of the pact thing to get each other off anyway?

“I’m sorry, my dear companion.” Gundham raised their clasped hands to his lips and kissed Soda’s fingers. “I simply could not resist. Between how beautiful you appeared in your ecstasy and sweetly you were calling my name-” Gundham sighed and smiled, looking into Soda’s eyes “I was bewitched.” He twisted their hands to kiss Soda’s knuckles without looking away.

It made Soda blush harder than anything else they had done.

That complicated feeling was coming back.

He never asked if it was alright to kiss him. He still hadn’t made Gundham scream.

Next Chapter

[nightcoremoon]

I didn't grow up in a school that required uniforms. I wore whatever I wanted. So did my peers. So when I first learned that there were many schools that required uniforms, my first thought was of course "what a load of fuckin bullshit" but in terms that a kid who didn't cuss (because santa was listening) would think. It's an oppressive system of power depleting the individuality and relegating them into a cookie cutter role. It punishes people for not fitting in. It's a crime against the freedom of expression. And it's usually misogynist because girls aren't allowed to wear pants because blah blah dress code, and boys- gremlins they are- could be gross and creepy towards the girls. These were all the unspoken arguments that my brain was incapable of forming but FELT strongly.

And THEN I discovered the existence of gender split schools. And I was beyond furious. I didn't think gender mattered for literally anything that was important for kids and teenagers. I mean yeah I knew that people my age had sex with each other but it's not like that would happen during school. But it was such a splinter in my brain for years and years and years until I one day looked back and realized what my issue with that was.

Once I hit puberty (and got past the "annoying elitist fucking asshole" stage that all middle schoolers go thrkugh), all of my friends were girls. I didn't have any guy friends. The only people who I ever really interacted with were female (and no, I don't consider getting my skull stomped into a concrete floor and my wallet stolen as interacting with boys). Well there were some boys I had mutual friends with and spent time around but I was never really friends myself with them, more acquaintances. But all in all, my friends were all girls. For the first time in my long lonely time with public school in America, I had friends, actual friends who weren't the teachers. And here comes this misogynist gender splitting ideology saying that I shouldn't be able to go to school with my friends because I (thought at the time that I) was a different gender than them. I didn't want to attend school with only male classmates or be cut off from my female classmates.

And then on top of all that, when I learned that there were people who weren't male OR female (around the time where I discovered that I was not heterosexual because there was sexuality other than just straight or gay) I was like. Well what the fuck? Where would they go? Would they have to go with whatever gender that they were "born as"? (I didn't know "designated as" was what you say, I was kind of uneducated lol) I thought that if somebody wasn't a girl on the inside then they shouldn't have to go to school with girls, and if somebody wasn't a boy on the inside then they shouldn't have to go to school with boys. I knew that trans people existed but didn't really go into detail learning about them because hEy iTs nOt LiKe iLL eVeR hAvE tO kNoW aNy (me several years later: HA), but I did know that at the core, a misogynist system would filter people based on their genitals, and that was creepy and not cool. GIRLS SHOULD BE ABLE TO WEAR PANTS IF THEY WANT TO shouted me, the kindergarten level feminist. but hey I was beyond a lot of other cultures around the world, mostly protestantism cult sects lmao.

I was always against it. Every part of gender separation had always disgusted me.

Cut to me having freshly graduated high school and gone to college and met a whole bunch of trans people and realized "OH FUCK IM ONE OF YOU". And that explained a whole lot of stuff about my life.

And then recently I thought of the uniforms thing. Now, having watched a LOT of high school anime and let go of my ideology that my own culture is the only acceptable one, seen arguments in defense of uniforms (one less thing to bully poor kids about), realized that in most cases girls who wanted to wear slacks COULD do so if they didn't wanna wear a skirt just as long as it was in uniform, and that trans people theoretically could attend if they wanted to, basically everything was fine again. My rage was quelled in favor of "what's the fucking point of an all boys school other than literal straight up misogyny" (I was ok with all girls schools tho at least in theory because men are frequently terrible and crybabies bitching about reverse sexism are fucking morons, plus there's 20 times as many all male as all female schools so find something important to complain about ok guys). I wasn't blind with fury anymore.

But.

Now I can view that objectively, it was literally just a dysphoria trigger. The prospect of being labeled a boy and going to a boy's school was hell. Especially during the time that my stepdad was still part of the picture (before the abusive drunken asshole cheated on and beat my mom and then got his ass thrown out of the picture) and was a major participant in 'manning me up' because I was 'too much of a pussy' and too ~feminine~ in my mannerisms and I wanted him to be proud of me (since my bio dad never was and still isn't and probably never will be until he dies presumably from heroin) so I did it. I read playboy, played medal of honor, watched CSI, listened to metallica, five finger death punch, bullet for my valentine, all sorts of macho angry metal bands, and adopted Manly™ hobbies, not because I preferred it, but because it was expected of me. It was performative. But still, despite all of that, I just wanted to have female friends because I understood and gelled with them better. My friends in high school were the only bright spots and without them I would 100% have killed myself because of the social isolation and loneliness omnipresent during that time.

Now that I know what I know now, if I could go back, I wouldn't be angry that gender split schools existed. I'd be angry that the system wouldn't let me attend the all girls school.

I'd also understand my utter fascination with the trope "first/only man to go to an all girls school through a) misunderstanding b) good grades c) scholarship opportunity d) sheer dumb luck" better 🤣🤣🤣

[artificialqueens]

Undone, Chapter 23 (Bitney) - Stephanie/Veronica

Summary: Bianca goes to NOLA for Latrice’s wedding, and returns home to a big surprise.

Thank you to our awesome beta readers: @missdandee and @kitschypixel

***

“Okay so, be honest...do I look fat?”

Courtney bursts out laughing, then stops abruptly when she sees Bianca’s hands on her hips, a deep scowl on her face.

“Sorry--I didn’t think you were serious,” she giggles. “Of course not.” Courtney leans back on the sofa cushions, cuddling the dogs to her chest.

“For the record, that is not the correct response to that question,” Bianca informs her, adjusting the straps on her Maid of Honor gown. “You’re a woman, how do you not know that?”

“Sorry,” Courtney shrugs, then offers aa conciliatory smile and adds, “You look beautiful.”

“But...I mean, can you tell I’ve gained weight? Are my sisters gonna be suspicious?”

“I honestly don’t think so.”

“Okay. Good,” Bianca sighs. “Thank god for empire waists.”

“Are you gonna be okay? I know it’s a big deal, and he’s not gonna be with you, so...” Courtney bites her lip. “Will it be weird?”

“Maybe a little, but...I mean, the people I care about already know. And everyone else...will probably just think he’s working, or something. I don’t really care, honestly.” It’s mostly true. Of course, she knows that she might get some awkward questions, questions that she really won’t want to answer. But she tries not to think about that, and more importantly, she doesn’t want Courtney to worry. So she goes on to assure her, “I’ll be fine.”

“Good.” Courtney nods, stroking the top of Dede’s head and gazing up at her.

“I kinda wish you were coming,” Bianca adds softly. It’s almost an afterthought, slipping out before Bianca can stop herself. Her cheeks flush with embarrassment, realizing how needy she must have sounded.

Courtney takes ahold of her hand and squeezes it.

“That might be a little hard to explain,” she says, trying to deflect from the intensity of her feelings. How much she’s dreading the separation, which she knows full well is ridiculous. It’s going to be a few days. When the fuck did she turn into such a co-dependent mess?

“Yeah,” Bianca agrees, although inside, she’s thinking that it wouldn’t, at all. In fact, it would be the easiest thing in the world to explain. This is Courtney. I accidentally fell in love with her. Oops. She gulps. “Plus it’s probably not gonna be a very vegan-friendly affair.”

“Besides, I need to watch the dogs, right?”

“Right,” Bianca chuckles.

“...but maybe next time,” Courtney says, and deep dimples appear in Bianca’s cheeks.

“Really?”

“I mean, they sound great. I’d love to meet them.” Her voice is light, but the offer seems genuine.

“Yeah that would be…” Bianca’s heart is pounding. She clears her throat. “I’m sure they’d love you.”

“It’ll be really nice, once you’re there. To be home,” Courtney says. Instead of what she wants to say. Fuck propriety, just take me with you.

“Yeah. I hope so.”

***

It is nice, being back, especially since it’s the first time in several years she’s around her old friends and family without Jared. She feels lighter - in spite of the weight gain that will definitely make her sisters suspicious. But even that doesn’t worry her, as she revels in the familiarity of it all. The warmth of these people with whom she grew up.

The hug from her mother, that first day, makes everything worth it. And when she lies down at the end of the night, body sore and aching but absolutely stuffed with all her favorite foods, she realizes that she’s got a valid excuse for looking a little plumper than usual.

Her nagging worries about the Jared Questions that she assumes are coming turn out to be overblown. At the rehearsal dinner, all anyone cares about is her job - does she really get to meet celebrities? Who’s the most difficult on set? Who seems nice but is actually a secret bitch? Can she get a discount on tickets to Universal Studios? She happily answers them all, even the dumb ones.

The ceremony is beautiful, charming, funny - perfectly suited to Latrice and Chris. At the reception, Bianca gets to sit at a table with Vanessa, her favorite (only) younger sister, the two of them cackling up a storm in no time.

Vanessa has no questions about Jared, but she does have a ton about “that sexy blonde you’re shackin’ up with.”

“That’s not exactly the situation,” Bianca tries to explain, but Vanessa isn’t buying it.

“Come on, throw me a bone! She’s the one you wouldn’t shut up about over Thanksgiving, right? Did you meet on set? Did you have some kind of steamy, torrid affair?” she tongues her straw, eyes sparkling.

“No...sorry to burst your bubble,” Bianca tells her.

“Aww, man!” Vanessa slouches, crossing her arms, disappointed. “What a bummer.”

“Sorry, but...the idea of an affair makes you happy?” Vanessa’s husband asks, furrowing his brow.

Vanessa huffs out a huge, put-up sigh, explaining, “No, Brock, the idea of B cheating on that fuckin’ douchebag makes me happy!”

“Wait...I thought you guys loved Jared,” Bianca says.

Vanessa exchanges a Look with DJ, across the table. If anyone knows Jared, it’s him - one of Bianca’s oldest friends, he also happened to live in New York while Bianca was in school there, and used to hang out with her and Jared all the time.

“Well…” DJ begins, clearing his throat, speaking as diplomatically as possible. “I mean, we did our best to accept him, since you loved him, and-”

“We hated that guy,” Vanessa cuts in.

“I didn’t hate him,” Brock offers.

“Shut up, you have no taste. Hated him. Good riddance.” Vanessa tosses back some wine.

“And...we’re real sorry about your impending divorce…?” DJ gives a smile that’s half grimace.

Bianca laughs a little, rising from the table. She would love to bask in the relief that everyone will unquestionably be on her side, but the wedding coordinator is gesturing for her frantically.

“Well...thanks for your support, guys. But I gotta go give a speech.”

“Don’t fuck it up!” Vanessa calls after her, and Bianca turns and gives her the finger before continuing to the front of the room.

She stands at the mic, looking out amongst the crowd of mostly familiar faces, gaze finally landing on Latrice, who beams up at her from her seat at the bridal table.

“Hi, I’m Bianca...but you guys probably know that.” Bianca clears her throat, reminding herself that this is friendly crowd, and to just relax and give the toast for her best friend. “Okay, so. I actually met Latrice in second grade. More specifically, I met her laugh. It was the best sound I’d ever heard, one morning in front of school as we were getting off the bus.”

“I was laughing because you told someone that they looked like a garbage can,” Latrice cuts in, grinning at the memory.  

“That was me, bitch!” Vanessa pipes up from the crowd.

“Well, you deserved it!” Bianca shoots back. “You never brushed your hair and you always had that awful Hello Kitty sweatshirt on. Inside out.”

“I was in kindergarten, you asshole!”

The crowd, most of whom know them all, are laughing now, and Bianca makes a face at her sister to shut her up before getting back to the speech she’d prepared.

“Anyway, I heard this laugh. This amazing, gorgeous laugh, and I turned around and saw Latrice, and introduced myself, and it turned out that she was going to be in my class. And so I informed her that we were now best friends.”

“So bossy,” Latrice comments, giggling affectionately.

“And I soon found out that she was the greatest best friend anyone could ever ask for. Kind, funny, generous, smart...and of course, that laugh. I made it my life goal to make her laugh as loud and often as possible. Bonus points for extra inappropriate situations like assemblies and math tests and church. And for many years, I was really proud of myself for being the person who made her laugh the most. Until of course, Chris came around.” Bianca pulls a face.

A few good-natured murmurs of “oooh” and “uh oh…”

“I was a little pissed at this at first. I’m not gonna lie,” Bianca continued. “But soon I got to know Chris too, and unfortunately, he’s so damn likeable, that I had to admit, she’s got amazing taste, in addition to all her other talents. So Chris, thank you for giving my best friend the love and respect and joy that she deserves, more than anyone else I know. Thank you for making her laugh.”

Bianca turns to Latrice, who now has tears streaming down her face.

“I love you so much.” She raises her glass. “Here’s to a beautiful marriage, and lots of laughter.”

As the guests applaud, Latrice jumps up, running towards her friend. Bianca puts down the mic just in time for a huge, tackle-hug, Latrice squeezing her so tight that she feels she might break.

The DJ cranks up the music and soon Bianca finds herself pulled onto the dance floor by both Latrice and Chris. She makes a halfhearted, laughing protest.

“Guys, aren’t they about to serve dinner-”

“Who cares, bitch, I’m the bride!” Latrice spins Bianca, encouraging more guests to join them on the dance floor, an unplanned interruption while the catering staff scurries to get dinner on the tables.

Bianca dances with her a bit before she’s swept away by various other friends and family members, when she takes the opportunity to get another drink and make her way back to their nearly empty table.

“Nice toast.”

Bianca looks up and smiles at Vanessa.

“No thanks to you.”

“So...uh, when were you gonna tell me about the baby?”

Bianca blinks, and Vanessa rolls her eyes, sitting down beside her, voice uncharacteristically low.

“Your tits are out of control. And, that’s your third cranberry juice...”

“How do you know there’s no vodka in here?”

“Is there?”

“...I’m doing a cleanse. You know...detoxing.”

“Ahh...a dairy and butter cleanse?” Vanessa raises her eyebrows. “Don’t play me, I saw you inhale 40 pounds of cheese during the cocktail hour. Good luck tryin’ to shit later, by the way.”

“Vanessa…” Bianca glances around, praying that no one she cares about is in hearing distance.

“Is Jared the father?”

“Yes! What kind of question is-”

“Hey, I’m not judgin’. It just seems like the timing is a little…”

“Fucked?”

“Yeah. You alright?”

Bianca sighs. In an ideal world, she would be basking in the idea of sharing this news. She’d have already told her mother and everyone in her family. They’d be celebrating, thinking about names. Thank god that she has Courtney, or she’d be going crazy.

“He doesn’t know yet. And...it’s still really early, so I don’t want to-”

“Don’t worry, I won’t say nothin’.”

“Anything.”

“Eat me, bitch.”

Bianca laughs softly, and Vanessa grins, plunking herself down into her lap.

“And I’m real happy about your future spawn.”

Bianca wraps her up into a big hug.

“I love you...little asshole.”

She’s a bit relieved, if she’s honest. That Vanessa knows. That someone knows. It allows her to breathe. To enjoy herself and let loose and have fun the way she used to, and the rest of the weekend zooms by in a happy blur. When she finally boards the plane on Monday, exhausted and full of love, she truly believes that everything will be okay.  

***

“Court?” Bianca calls, pulling her suitcase behind her.

There’s no answer, but the dogs come skittering across the wood floor, barking and wagging their tails excitedly.

“Hey babies,” she coos, scooping them up, wondering what Courtney’s up to. Her car’s home, but maybe she’s out on a run? Bianca continues down the hall to the bedrooms. “Whoa…”

Courtney sits in the guest room, hair piled atop her head in a messy bun, surrounded by flat pack furniture, every inch of the floor and bed covered in pieces, head in her hands.

“What’s, uh...goin’ on here?” Bianca asks.

Courtney looks up, eyes teary.

“I was trying to build the crib,” she says. “I wanted to surprise you.”

“That’s so sweet.” Bianca chuckles slightly. “And I mean...I am surprised, so-”

“I’m sorry, I know it’s a fucking disaster, I just can’t figure out these instructions and I already had to take it apart three times and I-” Courtney’s breath hitches as she tries to hold back her tears.

“Hey, it’s okay. Although we may have to revoke your lesbian card if you can’t even handle IKEA,” Bianca teases, then stops.

Courtney isn’t laughing along; she isn’t seeing any humor in the situation. She actually looks distraught. Bianca kneels down beside her.

“Court...hey...” A pang of guilt washes over her as she realizes that this is all her fault. Courtney is 27, and it’s the last day of a holiday weekend. She should be day drinking on a boat, or dancing in front of a barbecue full of veggie burgers - something fun, with music and friends and laughter. Not stressed out over building a crib for a baby that she never asked for.

“I’m so sorry, B.” The look on her face breaks Bianca’s heart. Just exhausted, miserable defeat.

“No, I’m sorry, I never meant to bring all this stress into your life-”

“You didn’t! I just wanted to do something nice for you, I-”

“You do nice things for me every day,” Bianca tells her, shaking her head. She reaches out to touch her hand softly. “You know what I was thinking when I was in the uber from the airport?”

“What?”

“I can’t wait to be home.”

Courtney looks at her for a few moments, not quite believing it.

“Really?”

“Really,” Bianca promises. “You know what else I was thinking?”

Courtney shakes her head.

“I’m really fucking hungry.”

“Oh god, shit, of course you are.” Courtney scrambles up, springing to action. “Um, we still have a bunch of that vegetable soup, and I think there’s some brown rice in the-”

“Courtney, I can fix dinner.”

“But you just took a long flight, and-”

“Yeah, but I wasn’t flying the plane. I was just sitting there, popping those herbal xanax you gave me. And by the way, those things are shit.”

“Sorry,” Courtney says, still a bit teary.

“I’m kidding. I mean, they are shit but...” Bianca trails off. Courtney is still looking a bit frayed and delicate, and maybe making fun of her isn’t what she needs at the moment. She takes a deep breath. “…Look, I know I’ve been a mess...”

When Courtney begins to protest, she holds up her hand.

“No, it’s true. I’ve been a mess. It’s okay to say it. But...I won’t always be a mess. And you’re allowed to have bad days, too. I need to be the one to take care of you sometimes. Okay?”

Courtney finally smiles, taking a deep breath and nodding.

“Okay.”

“There’s just one little...problem.”

“What? Are you okay? What-”

“I need help getting up.”

Courtney starts to laugh, pulling Bianca to her feet. Once they are face to face, Courtney looks at her for a long moment, eyes soft.

“I love you, B.”

For a brief moment, Bianca agonizes about what she means, exactly. What kind of love? Is she still talking about friendship? Is this a confession? What now? But then, she swallows back her swirling insecurities and simply goes with it. She wraps her arms around Courtney’s waist, buries her face in her neck. Breathes.

“I love you too, Court,” she murmurs softly against her skin.

***

Bianca stands at the stove, finishing up a quick stir fry, when Courtney enters the kitchen. Her hair is damp, face scrubbed clean, a look of mild embarrassment playing on her face.

“Hey...feeling any better?”

Courtney nods, fingering a lock of her hair.

“I’m sorry about all that, I was just-” She pauses, biting her lips, then changes course. “That smells good.”

“Come taste…”

She steps up to the stove, allowing Bianca to cup her chin, feeding her a piece of bell pepper off the wooden spoon.

“Seasoning okay? I think it needs more salt.”

“Maybe a tiny bit…” Courtney shifts, still looking uncomfortable.

Bianca focuses back on the stove, humming softly under her breath. When she lifts up her head to speak, it’s at the same time as Courtney.

“You know-”

“I just want-” Courtney stops, laughing a little. “Sorry, you go.”

“You’re allowed to have a bad day.”

“I know, but-”

“You think I don’t know, how stressful all of this has been for you? Just because you don’t complain, doesn’t mean I don’t understand.”

“It’s not like that, honestly.”

Bianca decides to leave it. Beckons her over to taste the food again.

“Better?”

“Perfect.”

Bianca wipes a tiny bit of sauce from Courtney’s lip with her thumb, sucks it into her own mouth without thinking. Her cheeks immediately begin to heat up, and she clears her throat.

“Um, can you grab plates? This is almost-”

“Sure, of course.” Courtney quickly busies herself with setting the table. “Want some coconut water?”

“Alright…” Bianca chuckles. “You know, I actually missed that damn coconut water this weekend.”

Courtney giggles.

“I’m glad you finally understand how good it is.”

“Only that brand though, and only when it’s diluted,” Bianca says, shaking the wooden spoon at her.

“Right, of course.” Courtney flashes her a smile.

When they sit down to eat, Bianca can’t shake the feeling that something has changed. Something unspoken and important. She catches Courtney’s eye and they exchange a long, heated look. Bianca feels her pulse quicken, knows that her cheeks must be at flushed as Courtney’s.

She squirms in her seat, trying unsuccessfully to shove aside her anxieties like she’d done earlier. Finally, she can’t take it anymore.

“What are we doing right now?”

Courtney shakes her head slowly.

“I don’t know.”

“I mean, you wanted to wait. Do you still-”

“I don’t know. It’s hard to know what’s right,” Courtney admits. “I’m just trying to...I’m a bit...conflicted.”

“That’s fair,” Bianca says, but can’t ignore the pang of disappointment in her chest. She really thought that something would be different tonight. She’s afraid to let herself hope that it still might be.

They eat the rest of the meal in relative silence, minds spinning. There’s so much they want to say - need to say - to each other, but neither of them knows where to begin.

Later, when Bianca stands at the sink and begins to scrub the pans, Courtney reaches into the hot, soapy water and pries the sponge out of her hand.

“You cooked,” she reasons.

“Okay, but, if you’d cooked, would you let me do the dishes?” Bianca asks.

“That’s not a fair comparison,” Courtney tells her, a smile pulling at her mouth.

“Why not?” Bianca releases the sponge.

“I’m not pregnant.”

“Yeah, thank god for that,” she mutters automatically, cringing a little when she sees Courtney’s eyes widen. “I mean, uh...I think I’m enough of a hormonal basket case for both of us.”

Courtney doesn’t respond to that, merely begins scrubbing the small saucepan vigorously.

Bianca sighs, drying her hands.

“Look, I know that you’re...that you have reservations, and I don’t blame you. And I’m not trying to pressure you, or...but my feelings haven’t changed. So, whenever you decide that you want to…” Bianca swallows down the lump rising in her throat. “I’ll be here.”

Courtney continues to scrub, slower now, appears to be mulling over what Bianca’s saying with grave consideration.

“I just want you to be sure,” she finally says.

“I’m sure.”

Courtney turns around and looks her in the eyes.

“And, I’ve never been sure about anything like this. But...yeah, I’m sure about you.”

Her eyes are so soft, so warm, and when Courtney looks at her, all the feelings she’s been pushing away for almost a year come flooding in. She drops the sponge and dries her hands, chest rising and falling rapidly with shallow little breaths.

Bianca waits.

Time seems to slow down as Courtney walks forward, eyes locked with Bianca’s. She stops, both hands reaching up to cup her face, gaze falling to her full lips, then back up to her eyes.

In spite of the heat in the kitchen, the hair prickles on the back of Bianca’s neck, nearly causing her to shiver in anticipation. Courtney’s so close now that she can feel her heartbeat, pounding as rapidly as her own. Her eyes flick down to Bianca’s softly parted lips again, and Bianca can’t help the breathy sigh that escapes her, feeling Courtney’s thumbs gently stroking her cheekbones.

Bianca licks her lips, still waiting, practically trembling now.

As Courtney closes the last bit of distance between them, Bianca’s eyes fall closed, entirely focused on the feel of soft lips pressing against hers, hands still holding her cheeks, grounding her.

It’s nothing like their first kiss, the breathless, intoxicated excitement of finally giving in to their innermost desires, the dangerous thrill of eyes on them. Or even later that night, alone, the desperation of knowing it could be the last time.

This kiss is soft, tentative at first--then slow, leisurely, utterly indulgent. Both of them well aware that they have all the time in the world, allowing themselves to breathe into it, feel every sensation down to their toes. This kiss is every unspoken glance, every disregarded feeling, every secret desire whispered in the dark.

Bianca can’t tell, once they separate, if it’s been seconds, minutes, or hours. All she knows, as Courtney presses a forehead against hers, is how right it feels, how safe and warm and perfect. She wraps her arms tightly around Courtney’s waist, entirely unmotivated to move from this spot, to let go of this moment. Her head drops, nose tucked into Courtney’s neck, inhaling her scent.

Almost unconsciously, her lips begin to trace Courtney’s collarbone, hungry for the taste of her skin. A stifled, high pitched whimper spurs her on, makes her grip Courtney’s waist tighter, kisses turning feverish, their embrace growing heated and sweaty. She backs Courtney up into the table, using the hard wooden surface to keep them both grounded.

Courtney’s fingers tangle deeper into her hair, body arching forward as Bianca’s hands slide up under her shirt. Her skin is still buttery soft from her shower, and Bianca rakes blunt nails up her back, tongue chasing the biting kisses along her neck.

The intensity builds in Bianca’s body, heart pounding so loudly that she almost doesn’t hear the sudden CRASH as a plate shatters to the floor.

“Shit!” Courtney reels back, gasping for air, cheeks a dark red.

Bianca gulps. Regret fills her chest - not at the (now former, RIP) plate, but at the fact that Courtney is no longer in her arms, that she’s tugging her shirt down and sliding off the table.

“Careful, you’ve got bare feet!”

“I’m okay,” Courtney says. “Don’t move; I’ll get a broom.”

“I-”

Bianca’s heart slowly stops pounding, and when Courtney reappears in the doorway, wearing tennis shoes and armed with a broom, she smiles sheepishly at her.

“I’m sorry about your dish.”

“It’s fine.” Courtney glances down, frowning. “You have bare feet, too.”

“Yeah, I know, hand me the-What are you doing?!” she shrieks, as Courtney begins to scoop her up. “You’re not gonna be able to lift me, stop-”

“Shhh…” Courtney carries her out of the kitchen and continues to the living room. Bianca stops squirming, quickly realizing that she isn’t going to drop her.

“This is a little excessive,” Bianca says, feet dangling, now secure in Courtney’s arms. She tilts her head girlishly. “I guess I should stop talking shit about CrossFit, huh?”

“Guess so,” Courtney deposits her onto the sofa and places a kiss lovingly on her forehead. “You can wait here; I’ll finish cleaning up.”

“But-”

Courtney tosses her a wink and scampers back to the kitchen. Bianca’s head drops to the cushions, a smile playing on her face.

***

“...B?”

Bianca’s eyes open slowly, registering that it’s now dark. Courtney kneels down in front of her, a hand on her waist.

“What time is it?” Bianca croaks, rubbing her eyes.

“Almost ten. I thought you’d probably want to move to an actual bed.”

Bianca yawns, nodding, and lets Courtney help her up from the sofa.

After Bianca quickly gets ready for bed, she pads down the hall to the bedroom, noticing a sliver of light coming from Courtney’s room. She knocks on the door, and it swings open a second later.

“Everything okay?”

“Sleep with me,” Bianca requests, following up a split second later with, “Please.”

As an answer, Courtney steps forward, pressing a kiss to her cheek.

Once they’re in bed, limbs tangled together, lips seeking each other out in the dark, Bianca feels so warm and content that her body immediately relaxes, eyes falling shut against her will. She struggles to keep them open, protesting weakly when Courtney stops kissing her and suggests that they should just sleep.

“I don’t wanna sleep,” she whines, fingers gripping Courtney’s t-shirt.

“You have a 6 am call tomorrow,” Courtney murmurs into her hair. “And you need to rest.”

Bianca lets out a small whimper, fighting the exhaustion weighing down on her, as Courtney wraps tighter around her.

“It’s okay. We’ve got plenty of time…”

“Mmmhmm…” Bianca finally relents, burying her face in Courtney’s hair as sleep envelopes her.

[kinkymagnus]

Sorry if this is weird or wrong, ignore it if so: Is it ok to think that Magnus has had bottom growth while reading your headcanons? I think he's been using T or magically manipulating his hormones for a looong time, so yea. Any thoughts on this aspect? Sexual or non sexual. Again, sorry if this is weird, stupid or ignorant. qwq

not weird or wrong! 

i tend to go with “pre-op” magnus (pre-op’s a dumb word because it kind of implies every trans person has to go through op of some sort or whatever but you know what i mean) because i’m Projecting(TM) but honestly, yeah, realistically canon magnus could easily have either bottom growth (i’m.... assuming you mean his clit is larger, that’s a thing, i know that, but i don’t have experience in it?) 

and even if it wasn’t realistic, who cares, honestly kfhgjlfgh

but seriously no it’s not weird or bad or wrong or ignorant at all, it’s totally valid to headcanon magnus with bottom growth and if you want to read my posts that way, i have zero (0) problems with it!  

i don’t know if i have any thoughts right now just because i don’t have much knowledge on it, but like, a) magnus with a larger clit could be uhhhh hot im sorry im a horny fuckin bitch, b) would that make his clit MORE sensitive or less? i feel like more makes more sense. i know there are toys specifically meant for trans men with an enlarged clit, so he might use that, or like. just generally alec having fun with him >:) 

but really tho trans magnus just being a fucking expert in magical trans stuff? like he’s a fucking genius, this bitch invented the portal he can do all sorts of shit, of course he’s out there helping invent new magical hormone therapy and ways to improve surgery and testosterone/estrogen and shit, damn. iconic 

[drunkcomicbookrants]

ROBERT KIRKMAN AND THE END OF AN ERA

Walking Dead was the first comic book I read.

Before that, I mostly knew comics from 90s cartoons I watched when I was a kid. 

I would read about comics on wikipedia and get excited, the fact that Spider-Man and the X-Men shared the same universe was REAL NEAT in a way that I couldn’t quite explain, the idea of Big Events like House of M and Secret Wars was REALLY COOL to me, but I didn’t actually know how to go about reading those. I bought a couple issues off ebay, I wanted to like comic books, but I didn’t have enough context to really get into it. I had no idea that comics came out every Wednesday, or that there were options outside of MArvel and DC.

I was in college, working a shitty retail job, with a manager who saw through the veil. Life is meaningless, we’re all gonna die, humans are caterpillars with wasp eggs in our brain.

(this was before zombies or superheroes were cool, yes I know how hipster that sounds, whatever it was the early oughties)

So when this coworker pitches WALKIND DEAD to me I am ALL EARS. He tells me to check out the first trade paperback. I didn’t know what that meant, but I went to BARNES AND NOBLE because that was still a thin. This was the description on the back:

(I just dug this out of my closet, feels weird man)

and yes I know how edgelordy it seems now, but back then THIS GOT ME, this tapped into a frustration or frascination or SOMETHING that nothing else ever had in the same way

SO YEAH I GO AHEAD AND BUY THOIS FOR NINE DOILLARS AND NINETY NINE SENCSE

I read that first trade, which in hindsidght collects the first 6 issues, and then I’m at a loss. How to read more?? I wait for the next trade, and the next trade. I would go into barnes and noble every couple months and check if the next book was there (again, this was before I knew what I was doing, before everything was shoved down your throats, back when Walking Dead was something that nobody else heard about, yes I know I sound like a grouchy old man)

At this point I’m living in the cornfields of Lancaster county. I’m like 19, not sure if I should drop out of college or not.

I decided to Google the author Robert Kirkman, and I found out he wrote a bunch of other books. He wrote Wolfman and Brit and Battle Pope, the list goes on. WAIT A SECOND YOU CAN JUST BUY COMIC BOOKS OFF THE INTERNET?

So down the rabbit hole I go. Of course I stumble upon INVINCIBLE which is THE BEST SUPERHERO COMIC IN THE UNIVERSE so I start picking up those trades. This leads me to other trades, I read through WATCHMEN and DARK KNIGHT RETURNS and ULTIMATES and NIGHTLY NEWS. It’s all fuckin really exciting because these are some of the first comics I’ve read, and I’m going in completely fucking blind. HERE HAVE A NEW ART FORM WHY NOT READ JUST THE BEST THINGS FROM HISTORY HERE THEY ALL ARE AT ONCE

At this point it’s like 2009 and I’ve graduated college, I live in Maryland now, and maybe I’m going through some shit and one day when I’m getting a California Tortilla burrito I decide to step into a comic shop

“uhhh I’ve been getting the Walking Dead trades and the Invincible collections, I’ve read up to this point, how do I start reading the single issues or whatever you call them?”

Fucking honestly great job @bigplanetcomics​ in Silver Spring MD. Super welcoming to a newbie, and honestly helped me through some shit

They point me to the single issues of Walking Dead and Invincible. For a while I go there monthly, pick up the single issues, get my hair cut at Floyds, and eat a burrito for lunch. I start picking up other issues, the habit is certainly forming

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cZfKOmygkr4

This doesn’t mean anything to you but that is a TIME IN MY LIFE that I guess I’m being nostalgic about now. This was how I discourved comic books, mixed in with learning how to be an adult in a city that didn’t feel like home

Eventually I move to Virginia, it’s 2012 now and at this point I’m going to Big Planet Comics Vienna every Wednesday (that’s when new comis books come out, WHO KNEW, honestly they don’t tell you that and THEY REALLY SHOULD). I’m still picking up WALKING DEAD and INVINCIBLE, but I’m also picking up pretty much any new #1 that comes out, for better and often for worse

if you hand me an old issue of WALKING DEAD or INVINCIBLE right now, I can tel you what was going on in my life when that issue came out. What girl was I dating, what was I doing at my job, where was I eating lunch on Saturdays. Again, not super interesting to other people, but for me each issue is a window into my life that month, it’s 22 pages of who I used to be

The point I want to make but haven’t yet is that these books lead me to OTHER BOOKS. Robert Kirkman was always very open about WAlking Dead being a GATEWAY DRUg: “The Walking Dead, although I love it, is far from the best comic being published today.” so without Walking Dead, I would not have read PRETTY DEADLY or ALEX + ADA or RESIDENT ALIEN or EAST OF WEST or SQUIRREL GIRL or MS MARVEL or LUMBERJANES

Fast forward a few years, through some fuckin chapters in my biography, it’s 2016 now and I’m about to move to California. This is going to sound dumb but I only cried twice when I was moving. Once when I said goodbye to the girl I thought I would marry, and once when I asked for my pull list from Big Planet Comics for the last time.

Before I move to California, one of the first things I do is look up the local comic shop. I find one that’s between my apartment and my job. I go there the first Wednesday after I move, and I’ve gone there every Wednesday since then.

Whatever else is going on in my life, picking up my books on Wednesday has been a part of the routine for the last 10 years or so. And for that entire time, WALKING DEAD and INVINCIBLE have been with me through it all.

SO FUCK ME RIGHT when Robert Kirkman stabs me through the heart and tells me that INVINCBLE is ending. THAT LAST ISSUE IS like jumping ahead 50 years and looking through a photo album of the best friends you made in college, living life, finding meaning, and moving on without you. RYAN OTTLEY’s art has been a part of my ACTUAL FUCKING LIFE for so long that MY EYES AREN’T SURE WHAT TO DO WITHOUT HIM (other than to buy Spider-Man).

But Walking Dead is still going strong, right? WRONG. Extremely recently, Robert Kirkman and Charlie Adlard and Cliff Rathburn PULLED A FAST ONE ON US and ENDED WALKING DEAD without announcing it ahead of time.

I bought issue 193, thinking it was a regular issue. It was not. It was the end.

I had no idea this was coming. 

And as part of that issue, one of the characters made this speech:

PLEASE UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH OF A MOMENT THIS WAS FOR ME

this was the excerpt I read in barnes and noble when I was 19 living in Lancaster not sure if I should drop out of college, passing through the years of monthly comic shop trips by myself in Maryland, through Virginia and lending out books to anyone who would listen, to California where my comic shop now has palm trees and I now have gray hairs and eye crinkles

Since I started reading Walking Dead and Invincible, zombies became overdone, superheroes went from “Jessica AlbaFantatsic Four movie” to Avengers Endgame. I went from terrified 19 year old to crinkly-eyed 33 year old. It’s hard not to look back on that transition and not feel.... sad

Robert Kirkman and Charlie Adlard and Ryan Ottley you sons of a bitches. I know it’s basic to like zombies and superheroes now, but YOU GOT ME THROUGH SOME THINGS and I honestly feel... thankful for the time we spent together. I know you’re working on other stuff now, and I’m excited for it. I’m also excited about other books like GIDEON FALLS and EAST OF WEST and PAPER GIRLS and SAGA. But I’m going to mourn this end of an era.

tl;dr: Invincible and Walking Dead are over. So are my twenties.

[peachymhaechan]

“Wait... You’re the Little Voice Inside My Head?”

Genre: fluff, soulmate! au; you can hear your soulmate’s thoughts, which isn’t always the best thing

Pairing: Lucas X gender neutral reader

Warnings: cussing, you will have a cavity by the end of this it’s too damn sWEEt

A/N: wong yukhei can stay in his mcfreakin lane:)) okay:)) this hurt me to write he truly did make his way up my bias list and I am .? okay,, I guess this is what we are doing

ever since you were little, you always heard voices inside your head

those voices being 1. you, and 2. a little boy you had never heard out loud in your life

the first time you heard him was when you were four, playing with an imaginary friend in your room

I wonder what Mommy is making for dinner, you thought and lo and behold

I want my mommy to make something without vegetables!

uhhhhhhhhh .?

that was not your voice

but you being a four year old with an imaginary friend, you were like “cool I guess, sometimes it be that way” 

at dinner you brought it up to your parents, but of course they passed it off as your imaginary friends

I mean,, lets be real

you were little and ran around the house all day talking to your imaginary friends, so that was the logical explanation in that situation

that was only the first incident you had with the boy speaking in your head

and lemme just say, as y’all got older, it only got wilder

you only knew that he heard what you thought for one reason

he’d always, and I mean ALWAYS

respond

one time in elementary school, your class was taking a math test and you had no fuckin clue what was going on

uhhhhhhh what the frick is 8 times 9 divided by 2 plus 4???

don’t worry tho, your mystery boy came in clutch

40! The answer is 40! his little voice chimed, saving your ass and being the reason you scraped by with a b

as time went on, you heard him more and more, and occasionally yall would have full conversations

only when you got older did you realize

shit dawg, this is my soulmate

once you hit middle school, you finally sat your parents down and basically said

that imaginary friend that would talk in my head when I was little hasn’t gone away and im pretty sure that’s my soulmate quirk

of course your parents were like. oh ? worm ? 

you explained to them the whole thing tho

“ive had legitimate conversations with him before, he hears some of my thoughts and I hear his. I can’t really control what all he hears, though, and neither can he, so it’s very weird to hear things out of context.” 

the entire time your parents sat there, both confused and happy

on one hand, they didn’t fully understand how it all worked, 

and on the other, they were proud because their lil baby was all grown up, talking to their soulmate!! moving towards the second part of their life !!

from that moment, your quirk progressed even more

you started to talk to him more and more, and he heard more and more of your thoughts

it was odd, really, because everybody has thoughts that make them guilty

you know, thoughts that can embarrass you for even thinking them?? 

not because they’re dumb (although let’s be real, everyone has their fair share of dumb thoughts), 

but because you know they’re mean:/

one night you were up thinking that,

thinking: you probably hate me…. all of my thoughts are so mean and harmful, and it brings me shame to know that I can be so vile to people without even meaning to. I’m sorry…. I wouldn’t blame you for hating me. 

for some reason, your mystery boy was awake (bitch go tf to sleep it’s three in the damn morning) and he responded

hey, two things…. 1. you’re such a dumbass, and 2. it’s not your thoughts that matter, but how you react to them afterward. the fact that you think your thoughts can come off as mean show that you care, and that you’re not as shitty of a person that you think you are. 

listen,,, we all know lucas ain’t always that deep but we can pretend for this au ok

you sat there in complete shock and then he went, anyways you adorable idiot, go to sleep, you have finals in the morning. 

from that night on, you talked to him more and more

had a bad day? lucas would know all about it as soon as you got home

lucas did something embarrassing while out in public? you’d hear about it while in public as he tried not to spontaneously combust

you will never believe what I just did…. the barista told me to have a good day and I said “you’re welcome”

of course you laughed,,, that dumbass is supposed to be your soulmate ?? 

how

but you told him chill dude, everyone says shit like that sometimes, it happens to the best of us 

he was with you during your cringey phases (as you were with him during his) 

he was there the first time you had your heart broken

your friends all told you not to date the popular basketball player, but you said yeet I guess and well

lucas consoled you as you cried, not over that boy but over yourself for thinking something like that could work

“I don’t know why I even tried. He isn’t you, and he never will be. Hell, I don’t even know your damn name but I know we fit together more than that guy and I ever could.” 

that night was the first night you learned his name, wong yukhei, or lucas as his friends called him

“My name is Wong Yukhei, but my friends call me Lucas. And I’m sorry some guy treated you like shit. You don’t deserve to be treated like that, you deserve the whole world. I wish I knew who you were, where you were, so I can finally meet you and tell you everything I never told you.”

and that was the first night he learned your name 

“y/n, my name is y/n, and I know we are going to meet soon. I just know it. I can feel it.” 

and you were kind of right ??

it all depends on what your definition of soon is tbh

bc that whole sappy convo took place in your junior year of high school

and y’all met in college !!

it was high key odd and not at all how either of you planned to meet, tho

it was your first week at college, and you were nervous af

parents? gone. responsibilities? crippling. adulting? expected. 

you finished moving in a while ago, and by then had met your not so pleasant roommate 

let’s just say uhhhhhh this roommate had been a complete and utter dickhead

so you threw on some shoes, grabbed your laptop and wallet, and went to the library on campus

after all, it was only the first week, there shouldn't be too many

you walked in and the first thing you saw was someone crying and saying “FUCK SCHOOL” 

naturally you were like, “bitch me too. tf?” 

but decided to not say that to that kid so you quickly skrrted the fuck out there (yote, if you will)

as you dipped real quick, you went through your options in your head

coffee? target? dorms? 

coffee seemed like your best bet, so you hauled your ass to the campus café 

as soon as the door opened, stress melted from your mind

i’ll drink to that, bro

the place was not too busy, it was during the middle of the day so people were either asleep or busy

there wasn't a line so you walked up to the person working at the register 

“shit fuck what should I order from this coffee place??” 

“mountain dew with two shots of espresso” - the ever so helpful Wong Yukhei

“okay what the fuck??” 

“lemme get uhhhhhhh iced coffee I guess,” you said, paying and waiting for your drink

while waiting, you went and grabbed a straw, and out of the corner of your eye you spotted a fuckin. GiAnt enter the establishment

he seemed goofy tho,,, so u were like. ok. cool. pop off, I guess. 

you couldn’t hear him speak, but inside your head you heard, “Iced coffee.” 

“yeah, what about it? I already ordered it, you’re a little late.” 

he did not respond which had you going ?? miss keisha, miss keisha, oh my fucking god she fucking dead !

you patiently waited for your cold bean juice while the guy paid and literally stumbled right by your feet to get a straw for himself

before you could ask if the Clumsy Giant was okay, the barista called out, “ Y/N!” 

you went to pick up the drink, and felt two eyes drilling holes in the back of your head

naturally, you turned around like. ? we got beef? 

but found the actually kinda cute boy staring at you in shock

“What?” you sheepishly asked, not sure if you had something on your face or if something was genuinely wrong, which would explain why that weirdo stared dead at you 

???

“Y/N.... y-your name is Y/N?” he asked, and his voice clicked right away

fuck, dude

you already knew the answer, 

you could recognize that voice anywhere

but you still wanted to ask and make sure you are not dreaming

however, before you could ask, 

the barista called out his name

“Lucas!” 

f u c k, dude

“Wong Yukhei?” 

“Y/N L/N?” 

you two both broke out into a grin upon hearing the other say your name out loud

yall clung to each other, wrapping the other in a huge hug

meanwhile, the barista was standing behind the counter, waiting for lucas to grab his drink like :/ i’ll wait!

“this is touching, and all.... but can you please grab your coffee?” 

“THAT IS MY SOULMATE!” lucas announced, obviously giddy at finding you

and tbh, you were feeling it, too

yall sat down at a little table and for a while, just stared at the person sitting across from the other

then, “I’m glad I met you.” 

“Me, too,” he agreed

and thus the start of a relationship with pretty much no communication issues ever, 

mostly due to the fact that there were no secrets 

not that either of you minded, because lets face it

you two had souls that were reflections from one another, and you can’t hide a secret from yourself so why would you hide a secret from him? 

[cracksofmtdoom]

Wednesday October the sixth 2021. Current time is 01:34. Fuck this shit. Foolishly I allowed myself to start believing that I was getting the chaos under control. Dumb dumb dumb. It came back with a bang tonight. I am extremely agitated and aggravated. I knew those two goddamned idiots would be nothing but trouble. But things had been pretty calm for the most part and I got a bit complacent. The two of them are unbelievable. And motherfucking eric is the one who allowed this. Of course he is. He’s the true center of the chaos that ensues here. So in order to get his dope money in a hurry he agrees to let Bill and Jocelyn move in. His incredibly short sighted and idiotic decisions continue to boggle the mind. And of course I had no say in the matter because if I had, there’s no chance in hell this happens. You know what the best part is though? This is priceless, wait for it…right after this cunt agrees to let them stay, he leaves and will not, so he says, be here much at all. So this dumps this shitshow squarely in my lap. As if I need any more to deal with. Things were actually halfway decent here for a minute. But I’m not an idiot and I know what those two are so I honestly didn’t expect any better. She’s a fuckin head case, a complete scatter brained twat. He’s so strung out on the meth that it’s impossible to have any kind of intelligent conversation. He’s been up for days now and I want to kill him. Literally. And now, she says she’s done with him and she getting with her so called sugar daddy. That would be Dale. I quickly sensed that I had at least a potential ally. We’ve spoken more since then and I’m glad he’s around in one sense because we have a similar mindset, and we both seem to approach the situation with the same attitude. Part of me wants to ask him what the fuck he’s thinking jumping in with her, but I feel the same way about myself a lot of the time so I get it. We don’t get to pick who we love. Now, I have never held Jocelyn in high regard and for a very long time now openly despised her. Krystal, of all people lol, was the voice of reason and convinced me to let it go and play nice. And I have. I still don’t trust the bitch and never will but I’ve also gotten to see a side of her I never did and I can see why guys buy into it. We have had some good talks, and I’m ok being civil and even friendly at times. On a side note, I’ve also never found her attractive. She looks like a junkie and that does nothing for me. But, the other night after she and Nico got done fucking, yeah I said that. Nico fucked her just the other night, she came out of the room in a pretty sexy black bra and panties. They were thongs and her ass is actually pretty damn nice. She’s got nice size tits as well. She also told me about how pretty and tight her pussy is. Having seen these things, I admittedly have changed my mind on that. I would definitely fuck the bitch, but only in the ass. Oh boy. I got a bag of mushrooms and ate two little ones. They’re kicking in. I love this feeling. But that’s enough for now. Love you all. Peace and hair grease. Ok so now it’s a short time later. Once again I find myself in the kitchen. Going to finally finish my shells and cheese? We will see. I’m much calmer though. And that’s the important thing. Mushrooms are incredible. But I also reflected back on the earlier portion of my day and remembered that it was actually pretty good. The morning was fucked up I will say that but once I was off to work, things were good. I got to spend plenty of time having an easy task and one that I fully believe results in a solution to their problem. Then, on the way home I knew B had baseball practice so I stopped and watched and then I got to even participate. Now let me tell you, playing right field in steel toed work boots and only having a first basemen’s mitt is far from ideal. But damn it was fun. Then I get to the house. All I want to do is say hi to Krystal, see if she needs anything and then be left the fuck alone for a while so I can eat, get stoned and jerk off.

[lenin-it-to-win-it]

“we are so (thot) married”

i was bored so i decided to write a parody of the first chapter of my good comrade @theseerofdoomisunaltered‘s magnum opus “we are so (not) married”, if i have time maybe ill do the rest but no promises bc im a lazy inconsistent bitch lmao 

*****************************************************************************************************

hizashi was fuckin PISSEd!

he was angery and is upset bc shouta THAt dumB THOT had gone and goetten himself injured AGEIN!!!! he hadnt sleeped in 69 hours (hehe) bc he was 2 busy gettin turnt with tha bois (painkillers and mowten dew) and had goten into a fite with some villens (fourth graders) bc they sed cats were lame.

showta got carried by on a stretcher and hibachi pissed himself and not even in the kinyk way. paremdedics kept hziashi from geting close to the stretcher or the room shota is carreid into. “shit boi u fam?” a nurse asked.

“no’ mic sobbed loudly. “we;r emore like,, friends wtih benefits? as in, i beneFIT this dick up his ass ayy lmao” he lamaoed thru his tears.

the nurse kept askieng quetions but hizashy was sobbing too loudely to hear so he just said yes bc why not its good enouff 4 improv rite? the nurses let haizashi pass so he RAN into shotuas room, screming so loudly he killed like four people and a dog.

shoauta looked like he’d gotten fucked by knife dicks in all six holes at once. one of his legs was being held together with silly string and glue (aizawa was sniffing the bottel) and he was covered in blood and helo kitty bandaids. to put it simply he looked fine as fuck and mic was super fuckign horny for him but his teeers killed his boner

“mike u ignoernt slut ur so fcukin loud” aizawa moaned, taking a big hit from the glue bottle.

hizashey wanted to screm but he didnt want to get sued for murdeer again like last time so he kept his mouth shut by tenderly taking the glue bottle from aizawa and shovig it up his own ass.

“wat, arent u gonna offer me some simpathy sex?” aizawa asked raiesing an eyberow.

“maybe later” hixzashy wept sobbily. “right now im too full of emotion and ass glue to present my mic up ur bootyhole.

aizawa tenderly patted mic on the cheek with his scotch-taped cock (cock tape) and then licked the tears off his nuts. “its all good in the hood”

“All is N OT good in the hood you jelly filled fucknut!” mic screamed tearfully and angrily. “what if u are is DIED??? then the two of us could never cha-cha real smooth again!??? HOW COD U DO THIS TO MEH>???? IF U DIED,,,,,,” hizsahy cried and nutted at the same time “i’d die 2 bc my gay ass cant fuckien drive but its too far to walk 2 school so id try yo drive anyway and id crash the car and die and it would be ALL UR FOLT!!!!”

aizawa just rolled over in the hosptial bed and ripped his hospital gown open,e xposing his lush bird nest of chest hair and supple pink nips screaming out for slurpage. “ur so dramatic” he whsiepred seductively. “why dont u quit the shakespeare and start suckspeareing me off?”

hizashy wiped away his tears and got to succking. the nurse walked in as hizashi was giving aizawa some eraserHEAD if u know wat i mean. she crumbeled some paperwork into balls and threw them at mic and them stormed off.

“FILL THOSE OUT YA GODDAMN TWINK”

mic fillde out the paperwork with aizawas pen(is) and tehn tenderly cradeld aizawa in his arms (carefully cupping his nuts for protecktion of course) and got on the roomba he used insted of a car bc his gay ass never learned how 2 fuckin driev. “vrroom vroom bitch” he said as they sped away at a blistering pace of .005 mph from the hospital. “the ass-magnet 9000 is in motion fuckers!”

‘take me 2 taco bell” aizawa whined. “i hav some casual craigstlist sex solicitors to meet for dinner tonite”

“NO CASUAL CRAGESLIST SEX UNTIL U RECOVER FROM UR INJURIES!” hizashi screamed. “IM GONNA TAKE CARE OF U, U BIG SALTY BABY” hizashy was super mcfuckin gay for aizwa so watching him get fucked the hell up and then just want to immedetly get back on the plow horse (so to speak) and jump into th e casual craigslist sex wasnt fun.

hziashi did a sick ollie off his roomba and knocked the door down with his throbbing erection only to promptyl start sobbing when he got a dick splinter.

“u dum fuck thats wy u shoud go thru the door like a normal person” aizawa grumbled as he sucked out the dick splinter. “for fucking out loud even that 5 dollar thottie ALL MIGHT, SYMBOL OF PEACE TM goes thru doors like a normal person.” shouta thought for amoment. “well except for the one time at that christmas party in april,,”

“well YEAH but if i didnt kick down the door dick first wat kind of pro hero wold i be?” hizashi protested

“one wihtoout dick splinters”

“ya ok tru”

hizashy threw aizawa over his shoulder like a thicc sack of poatatos and caried him 2 his lightning mcqueen racecar bed where they made the sekcs for 35 seconds before aizawa fell asleep. mic, exhausted from the hwole dick splinter fiasco, fell aslep too, resting his head on shoutas soft pillowy ass.

he woke up the next morning when nemuri broke down his door and started kicking his ass “HIZASSHI YOU STUPID BITCH HO W D ARE U GET MARRIED WITHOUT ME????”

tensei, who had been wheeled in in a weelbarrow, slapped mic in the face with one of those rubber stretchy extendy hands that he carried around for that express purpose. “YEAH YOU WHORE I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A BRIDESMAID DAMMIT I ALREADY HAD MY OUTFIT ALL PICKED OUT I WAS GONNA WEAR THIS DANK ASS SONIC THE HEDGEHOG COSPLAY AND U FUCKERS R O B B ED ME OF MY HAPPINESS”

“wat in the fresh hell are u talkign about?” hizash asked confusedly.

tensei whipped out his rose gold iphone 69 and hsowed hiszashi a news report that said “THEY GAY BITCH” followed by a picture of mic and aizawa doin the scooby dooby doo on the hospital bed.

“Everyones shook af  by the news that screme mcmeme, also known as president michael, and iceicezawa are married!” the report said. there was a picture of one of the paramedics mic had accidently murdered with his screaming. before dying she had apparently tweeted to the news and told them that mic had said YEAH when she asked if he was married to the patient shoota and so now everyone in the world new they were gay and thogth they were married!!!

some ppl like tensei and nemuri were happy (about the marriege anyway, in general tensei wasnt happy bc his twitter had got hacked and the entire internet could see his turbo-nudes and his ingeniDONG) but there were some bitch ass hos that were not plesed with this developement.

for example endevor had posted in the yuotube comments of a video entirely unrelated to the marraige thing “these daM hOME OF SEXAULS keep ruinging eeverything with their GAY AJENDA!!!! my son looked at a Gay once and hes fuckin gay now, thx oBamA!!111! THIS IS THE FUTERE LIBERALS WANT!11! present mic?? more like present CUCK!!1!”

hizashi dropped the phone. how was he gonna explain this to the internet? how was he gonna explain this to shouta?!?????

tune in next week for more fuckery, i can probably get this done in three chapters lol, if not three then DEFINITELY six, it sure would be wild if it ended up being nine chapters huh lamao

[lunaehymn]

a wishlist of plots !!

ideas for just about  every character… i just rlly love chara development —— let me live.

noctis—

book interactions !!

secrets being shared

‘these are my friends, they’re lame but great.’

luna including loose pages of notes she wanted to write to him while the book was with him.

kid interactions

luna takING HIM TO THE FIELDS OF SYLLEBLOSSOMS.

her with him during his healing sessions.

teaching each other how to do dumb ( cool ) things?? flower crowns, simple knots, origami, card houses??

nyx—

this post :’)))

shopping shOPPING PLS LET HER BRING HIM SHOPPING.

‘i’ll be married soon, so i’d like to know something about masculine attire’

‘boots with a slight platform are not the same as heels.’

‘spin around, please— 360 view.’

this post too tbh ??? it’s somewhat part of my big au verse with luna surviving and all that good  j a z  z.

ravus—

boi h owdy

their mother’s passing. give me them grieving.

HONESTLY JUST ANYTHING

GIVE ME !!!! FLEURET INTERACTIONS !!!!

crowe—

I WILL MAKE A VERSE ON THIS BLOG WHERE CROWE PICKS HER UP OK. 

THE TWO GETTING DISGUISES

cute coffee dates for in between the chaos.

late night chats.  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

‘have you ever been in love?’

‘no.’

‘why do you feel the need to lie to me?’

S AYING GOOD BYE GONNa HURT ME OKAYYYYYY

libertus—

ok but…. what if she let him take her to altissia.

new bodyguARD AND HE DOES GREAT O K

‘you’ll have to forgive me, princess. can’t say i’ve ever attended such a fancy meeting.’

‘you’re doing perfectly fine, for it being your first, sir ostium’

n y x  and  c r o w e  talk.

‘. .do you think it was quick?’

‘well. . he definitely didn’t go out without a fight.’

‘what was she like?’

‘indescribable. . and she deserved so much better.’

LIBERTUS !!!!!!!! MOURNING !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

for crowe ( with luna’s support )

for nyx ( with luna’s support )

for luna ( by himself )

let my son be happy, ,,

prompto—

this video is all i have to offer. 

hey hey hey that au where luna LIVES happily married and GLAIVE PROMPTO TELLING HER STORIES OF THEIR ADVENTURES !!!!

luna knowing that prompto loves photography, and she asks him about his work.

prom showing up the next day with all his photo albums and telling her the context and story behind each photo.

AU WHERE LUNA JOINS THE BOYS AND PROM SHOWS HER HOW TO S H O O T !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i want lunafreya to fucking kiss prompto’s barcode, i fuckin stan luna accepting and loving prompto unconditionally.

remember when prompto catches noct on that nif-ship??? yeah??? get him to fly off and save luna too.

gladiolus—

teach her how to fight, oml

TEACH HER !! THE WAY OF CUP NOODLES !!!!!

:)))))))) angst

‘your father was a wonderful man.’

‘mhm.. he sure was.’

‘he spoke very highly of you and iris both.’

‘mm…’

‘the eve of the signing, he told me he was looking forward to spending more time with you two. that he was proud to see you’d gotten so far with him so busy.’

‘…’

‘he loved you both.’

‘yeah.’

ignis—

TEACH HER TO DRIVE HOLY HE CK.

‘here’s a list of the only things noctis will eat.’

them??? planning thE WEDDING TOGETHER PL S.

‘i believe this course featuring this wine will complement it all nicely.’

‘will noctis like it?’

‘when has noctis liked anything having to do with fruit?’

‘..cake.’

‘he claims they’re ‘two different things’.’

they share tricks for healing / fixing up their friends !!

iris— 

MMMMMM OK.

i have a rlly angsty idea that i won’t post here…. but if u want it…. i got it..

TEACH HER HOW TO SEW.

let her weave flowers into ur hair

TEACHIN EACH OTHER HOW TO KI C K ASS TOOO !!!!!!!!

cidney—  

teach her a few things about cars ( obviously ).

pls…. i beg of you… let luna put some damn clothes on her.

shopping !! dates !!!!

cute girls defending / saving each other from weirdos.

s p a  d a y

LUNA TAKING SHELTER AT HAMMERHEAD A LITTLE AFTER KINGSGLAIVE OK.

regis—  

AU IN WHICH EVERYONE LIVES AND SHE TELLS HIM SHE’S PREGNANT.

pls let her.. take him from insomnia.

let regis live 2kforever.

idk how b ut p l  ease.

GRANDDADDY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! REGIS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PLEASE I’M C RYIN GHHERE

cute interactions when she was younger.

‘does mother do well guiding you?’

‘she does. i don’t know where i would be without her. and you, young lady, will do just as well for noctis. i know it.’

s creams bc regis holding his grandchild for the first time pls.

cor—

him as her bodyguard post kingsglaive.

that’s all i got.

just think about it…… honestly….. its so good.

COR AT THE SIGNING TREATY PARTY, LUNA AND HIM TALKING AND THE TWO OF THEM BEING ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS IN THE SAME SPACE THAT EVERYONE ELSE IS JUST.... ABSOLUTELY  B L I N D E D.

what beauty, what grace... he will absolutely beat your face if you so much as breathe a bad word in the oracle’s general direction.

ardyn—

interactions with him and her as a child.

him  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) lowkey missing being able to help people out.

him?? escorting her places bc jokes on u bitch, she’s ur problem today.

‘must you really try on every dress in the store?’

‘must you comment on everything i try on?’

‘yes, bc ur style is shit.’

luna: -fifty shades of offended bc what is your scarf buddy-

aranea—

sharing secrets about her brother.

the two gossiping in general.

‘are there any cuties in ur fleet?’

‘nah.’

‘really??’

ARANEA TEACHING NIFLHEIM SOME MANNERS.

‘listen, i get she’s your prisoner and all— but i catch you layin’ a hand on the lady again, and i’ll have your head thrown into the bay.. ya’ hear?’

loqi—

congrats, welcome to the BABY SITTER’S CLUB, loqi. we have jackets.

like adryn, you get to escort her to places.

whether it be an orphanage, a park, town square— you get to follow her to make sure she doesn’t get kidnapped.

WHICH HAPPENS MORE OFTEN THAN YOU’D THINK.

lunafreya, an a1 manipulator for information: you’ll never catch noct off guard.

loqi, a determined, but foolish, man: -spills niflheim’s entire plan to prove that they can catch noct off guard-

luna being soft and healing him when he gets hurt while protecting her :3c

“its not your duty to fix me.”

“nor is it my duty to stay in tenebrae, while niflheim ruins what home i have left.”

“...then why do you?”

“because my duty is to my people, and to my king.”

drautos—

mmmmmmmmm god i hate dorito man.

honestly just??? i couldn’t tell you.

but this shady asshole.

luna just?? feeling on edge around him all the time.

she couldn’t tell you why, but there’s a familiar tension in the air whenever he’s around.

she can never put her finger on it, but tHIS ASSHOLE.

nyx dying, libertus not being able to help her — drautos succeeding in getting her and the ring back.

it’s rlly angsty i can tell you that now.

she has zero Z E R O  respect for him after

clarus—

in regards to the one plot for gladio———

clarus finding a moment to talk to luna.

regis ain’t that far away, don’t worry.

but he just… introduces himself, obviously, but.. just begins asking if she’s had contact with noctis?

and if he’s mentioned gladio??? at all?????

pls just let clarus do that dad thing where they talk about how PROUD they are of their children, like s h i t!!!!! i love !!!!! familial relationships !!!!! and i love hearing characters tALK ABOUT OTHER CHARACTERS LIKE FU CK !!!!!

LET HIM TALK ABOUT IRIS TOO GOD !!!!! I LOVE HER TOO !!!!!!! 

GODDAMN I LOVE THIS FAMILY !!!!!!!!!!

luche—

he’s a glaive  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

have her meet him at the party ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

her praising him for protecting lucis.

her thanking him for protecting lucis.

her hoping to hear more about / from him later on.

have the betrayal be really hard on her  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

gentiana—

really morbid, but deep conversations.

if gentiana knows when she’ll die.

if she knows HOW she’ll die…

…i swear i love her ok

just… astral talk??

we could make up but also build off of the lore we already know for this universe?? but also jump into other things not yet touched in canon…

idk i like these girls sm i need more interaction

where the FUCK is gentiana in kingsglaive

what the fuck

WHY the fuck

WHO the fuck was in charge of not putting gentiana in that damn film.

the short period of time outside of insomnia, after kingsglaive, where they meet up.

do they walk and talk for a bit??

does gentiana escort her to a city??

to HAMMERHEAD, maybe??

like i hope and pray she does.

who knows :’))

pryna—

ok sO I HC THAT LUNA HAS.... chronic pain just from the amount of scourge she’s harboring in her body. and she has mornings where it is v hard for her to leave bed, and pryna keeps her company.

THE PUPS AND LUNA HAVING A TELEPATHY SORTA DEAL, seeing as how luna could be.... considered..... divine herself. but yeah, love my!!! beautiful girls!!!!

angst: pryna and luna inner dialog while dying next to each other. bye.

umbra—

this can go for pryna too, but luna giving him a BATH in ( most likely ) her ginormous bathtub in tenebrae. bubbles. rubber duckies. BUBBLES.

umbra actually picking luna up items ( ones he finds neat ), and luna thinks they’re from noct every time... but they’re like... really odd... items...

a keychain of a chocobo.

a feather.

he has brought her an empty wallet before.

a small plastic shovel you use at the beach.

probably halves of other things too ( half a roll of tape ).