#and as someone who falls in the second level!! I get annoyed when ppl call venom an entry level monster crush lmao

[symbiotic-slime]

it’s so funny going into monsterfucker spaces and seeing people argue about whether Venom is a tame monster crush or not and I think I figured out why ppl argue about it. I think there’s two separate levels to liking Venom and people just don’t specify which one they’re talking about

the first is what most people think of: you want Venom when they’re in a separate host and in their more humanoid form. they look like just a really tall guy, and you’ve got some monster traits involved but not quite as many as level two. this is the tame level.

the second level is when you want to be their host. you’re pulling an eddie brock— you’re fucking the slime that lives inside of you and cannot take on a humanoid form outside of yourself. it’s just a mass of black goop that lives in your organs and speaks to you in your head. this is why some people would consider Venom a more extreme monster crush

[dodo-begone]

ALRIGHTY! LOYAL HERE COMING IN WITH THE CIRCUS HAHAHA

Btw, I’m like 90% sure that I fell asleep while writing so it just stops. Like, there’s no ending/summary/whatever word I’m looking for but can’t think of at the moment and my bird is currently chewing on my phone case oh my god can she please stop—

__________________

I believe the concept of yanderes ft. a isekai-d reader has been mentioned by Shepard and her anons, tho it’s been mainly for Origins SMP. So, I come to you with ideas for the Dream SMP because that’s all I’m familiar with HAHAH—

Also, I apologize in advance because this thing is borderline an essay with how long it is. I’m so sorry—

For example *cue dramatic lighting and a cheesy flashback monologue thingie* oh my god I think I’m losing it, I’m so tired

Y/n and their younger sibling, Frisk, had just finished up another press conference regarding Monsters being back on the surface. All seems to be going well until the ground beneath their feet vanishes and they fall unconscious a few moments later. When they awaken, they notice they’re surrounded by humans—wait they aren’t all humans, what the fuck, since when are there hybrids? They knew everyone from the underground—by name, no less—and had never heard of any currently living hybrids. Only of ones from before the war. Besides, Monsters have been on the surface for a month at most, so there is no way for... oh boy, their head is spinning.

After some very...tense...introductions (“Hi, I never saw you guys Underground, nor have I heard of you, no offense. So, uh, which monsters are you guys related to?” “OI, I’LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT TUBBO IS NOT A MONSTER!”) they come to the realization that y/n is most definitely not from this world, or even this universe. Y/n’s adamant refusal to fight the “real monsters” that roam this land (“I did not spend countless timelines weeks putting my life on the line to befriend every monster, break the barrier that trapped them Underground, and defend them against my own god forsaken race just to turn my back on them.”) was a pretty big sign, after all. That, along with species of monsters that the SMP members have never heard of and how y/n talked about Souls as if they were a tangible thing.

It’s a rocky start before any sort of friendship is formed: y/n, wanting to be cautious, (and also not having Sans there to CHECK for them) decides to ask everyone what their LV is. It’s risky, and they had no way to prove if anyone is (or isn’t) telling the truth, but it was worth a shot. “Our levels?” A small goat hybrid asked, his head slightly tilting to the side. Everyone assumes that y/n is talking about enchantment levels. “I’m at 26! Ranboo, you’re at 30, right?” “I’m at 37 now, actually.” “Well, I’M at 58. Clearly I’m the superior one here. A real big man, a very manly man, aren’t I?” And a few others pipe in. Color drains from y/n’s face and they take a few steps back, hands shaking as their eyes dart between each person in the room and the exit. ‘How many lives have they each taken to make their LOVE so high? Why do they seem so proud of it?’ Yeah... that was an interesting experience.

- even though they have been reassured multiple times that the monsters of this world are nothing like the ones from their home, y/n still refuses to kill a single one, as I had mentioned earlier. They also refuse to kill animals. It takes a couple tries at explaining LV or LOVE—Level Of ViolencE—along with EXP—EXecution Points—but eventually everyone is on the same page

- Y/n is hesitant to bring out their SOUL when asked. First off, though they’re now friends with those from the Underground, they can’t help but be reminded of every spear, knife, bone, petal, gaster blaster, and fireball that has been aimed at them with the intent to kill whenever their SOUL was drawn into an encounter back then. Second of all, showing your SOUL is something you do with those you trust with your life—after all, you’re literally putting your lifeline out on display when you do so. There are so many different ways that the SMP members can see it

- Perhaps a monster appears

- Eggpire or Dream attack

- Someone forces y/n into an encounter because everyone is too curious to just let this opportunity slip by

- When y/n discovers that the people of this land have more than one life, they’re confused. There is no way that all of these people have SOULS of Determination, and there’d definitely be some issues if people kept rewinding time to their last save point. Besides, only one Determination SOUL—the strongest one—should be able to respawn. Then again, they only know what Frisk had explained to them. They were never able to see the save stars that Frisk would interact with in the different sections of the Underground. So they only have so much to go off of.

- Battle for them is completely different. Despite being in a different world, the mechanics from their world still apply. They can FIGHT, ACT, use an ITEM or show MERCY.

- They use Frisk’s tactic and flirt their way out of a fight or two. They never understood why Frisk did it until now... ‘I mean, I...wow. That was actually effective.’ They’re impressed.

- Oh no, maybe that wasn’t the best idea...they might have some yanderes after them bc of it...

- They probably have accidentally called Philza ‘Asgore’ and Tubbo ‘Asriel’ because both hybrids remind her of the two males from her world. Similar personalities AND Tubbo is a goat hybrid. The poor child is going to be so confused

- If Tubbo’s a yandere oh boy it’s going to be so easy for him. Y/n will probably be constantly at his side and telling him stories about the first fallen child and how they were adopted by the royal family, who are goat monsters! And just explaining the history of the underground and how important the goat family is. Talks about Asriel a lot as well. Probably makes him butterscotch cinnamon pie and tries to recreate golden flower tea to share with him as well. Or, they do that and he’s not yandere and it’s just wholesome.

- If we follow the headcanons that some fans have made, perhaps Frisk (and/or y/n) gave up half of their SOUL to give to either (or both) Chara or Asriel so they’d have another chance at life

- Not only does y/n refuse to kill, which leaves them vulnerable, they also only have half a SOUL, which means they’re incredibly weak. Someone needs to protect them, someone needs to keep them safe, someone needs to—

- Y/n is incredibly agile thanks to all the battles they’ve faced Underground. With their SOUL always out in the open during an encounter and the fact that they refuse to harm anyone, it’s required. I’m imagining them moving like a dancer, using jumps and spins to help them avoid any weapons swung at them.

- This is gonna be annoying for any yandere that wishes to lock y/n up. Even if they won’t physically hurt someone, they WILL put up a fight and make it as hard as they possibly can to be dragged into isolation or imprisonment

- When it comes to who goes yandere, I believe what color of SOUL y/n has (their personality, in summary) would play a big role. Here’s a few of my ideas, feel free to move people around or add to it, I’m really tired and can’t think of many characters LOL

- Red (determination): Wilbur, Technoblade

- Orange (bravery): Technoblade, Dream, Tommy

- Yellow (justice): Sam, Technoblade

- Green (kindness): the kids of the server, Fundy, and Ghostbur

- Cyan (patience): Ranboo, Ghostbur, Karl

- Dark blue (integrity): Tubbo, Philza, Sam

- Purple (perseverance): Dream—this man would love to see how long it would take for your perseverance to run out. I wouldn’t be surprised if your perseverance is the only reason he’s interested.

__________________

From what I saw of the end of what I wrote, it is DEFINITELY cut short. At least I mentioned every SOUL type lolol.

Also, I found a whole other note that’s a continuation of this concept but for y/n being from another game what the hell was I doing—

Expect that to come in another ask once I eat dinner

Sorry i took so long to answer!! I kept getting distracted!

That stuff is so pog man!!!! Puffy might be called “Toriel” once in a while because mom energy and she sheep,,, close to goat!

Gosh all the flirting will bring in so many yanderes or make ppl like “yo wtf??” And there’s a very small amount that are inbetween.

OKAY BUT WITH THE MONSTER STUFF ON THE DSMP- they’d keep the monsters in their house. They’d give them food and everything. Some def become very friendly and will defend. Haha giant spider go prrrrrr

I’d write more but there is so much amazing stuff I don’t think I could add to some of them anyways!!! Plus my mind is just racing other places rn haha

[yeocult]

ATEEZ as high school students

HONGJOONG the art kid

he’s that one kid who never pays attention during class but gets good grades anyways

you can find him in two places; in the art room painting away or sitting on that staircase that nobody takes making music

everyone loves him, all the teacher loves him, your mom loves him

fall asleep in class and when he’s caught he’ll be like “i was just thinking”

probably has a large following on insta

really hardworking though

knows exactly what he wants to do in life already

has questionable fashion sense but that’s what makes him unique and stand out

really friendly to everyone but lowkey two-faced lol

SEONGHWA the stressed one

ALWAYS stressed

please give him some rest

comes to class with coffee every morning

really smart and studies hard

tutors for a certain amount (mans gotta make money)

gets pissed at them when they don’t understand lol

has the best homemade lunch

everyone has a crush on him but he’s only open to his close friends

will be a kiss ass to the teacher if he needs to

definitely has that bad boy vibes but is really sweet

usually hangs out with hongjoong or yeosang

has aesthetic study inspo quality notes

probably majoring in respecting women after high school

YUNHO the teacher’s pet

all the teachers favorite him and it shows

gets average grades

type of friend to wait for you when you tie your shoelace or go to the washroom with you

very social but only sticks to his group of friends

knows all the tea and drama

probably gossiping with wooyoung

can be too nice :( even to people who don’t deserve it

will not hesitate to call someone out for littering/not recycling

we love a sweetheart who cares for the environment

type of say after school to help out different clubs even if he’s not in them (not in any club since he’s not committed enough)

YEOSANG the emo kid

wears black 8 days a week

quiet and brutal

whenever he opens his mouth it’s borderline offensive

can’t stand people who doesn’t get his humor or jokes  

always has earbuds in a beanie

(have you ever seen me without this stupid hat on? THAT’S WEIRD) (sorrynotsorry)

very introverted around people but just straight up weird around his friends

doesn’t socialize much but talk shit about him or his friends, you’ll get DESTROYED (keep in mind he’s the second strongest of ateez)

has the shittiest handwriting, it’s like trying to crack a code

but he’s really smart and is good at studying

bribes his teacher occasionally

SAN the church boy

try hard in school

asks seonghwa for help almost every day because he wants consistent grades

he’s really smart though, just insecure about his abilities :(

acts all gangsta at first but then his dimples show

big softie for his friends

respects women and his seniors

i feel like he’s in debate team (i mean just watch how defensive he got about correcting hwa about sliver power ranger)

definitely in choir (have y’all seen predebut church boy san??)

plays volleyball as well (he played libero)

is there anything he’s not good at??

gets so loud and annoying with woo and mingi

films all the dumb shit woo does

him + woo = 2 in 1 package

MINGI the slacker

doesn’t even try in school

but still manage to get decent grades

does projects last minute

uses short people as armrests

he’s a social butterfly

people will say they’re friends with him but he doesn’t even remember half the people he talks to

somehow blew up on tik tok and instagram and woo is jealous

you can hear his music through his earbuds (are his ears okay???)

if his friends do something embarrassing like trip, he’ll do the same so they won’t feel embarrassed

a sweet heart

steals everyone's food

confidence level 100000 (we love our leo king)

before every test he’s like “i’ve never failed a test since birth”

clings onto yunho, just two giants vibing

WOOYOUNG the class clown

everyone views him as a fukboi but he surprising is good at school (mostly bc hwa will give him shit for having bad grades)

always with san and together they are so ANNOYING

most likely to become a frat boy

loves organizing parties and surprising good at making ppl who usually don’t go attend his parties (aka yeosang)

everyone loves-hate him

really good looking and he KNOWS IT

his laugh is really contagious (it’s what gets him all the bitches

hwa always has to watch him or he’ll do some stupid shit

will not shut up for one second

probably has a big following on tik tok or some shit

“i’m here for a good time not a long time”

JONGHO the jock

in every sports team you can think of

in the rugby team? soccer team? archery???

he’s in all

always has some sort of injury tho

laid back

he’s just naturally good at everything including school

the designated driver at parties since he can hold acohol pretty well

the school’s treasure, won most of their medals

really mature for his age

always has his friend’s back

answers teacher’s questions correctly even if they think he wasn’t listening

he’ll just be like “hah you thought”

good at keeping everyone’s secrets

really nice and friendly with everyone

[crimeronan]

i wanna hear more about your headcanon of declan as autistic (no pressure! only if u want to)

oh ariana we’re really in it now

not all of these bullet points are specifically related to autism bc this just turned into a post about how fond i am of declan.  however.  autistic declan lynch rights here we go

speech

declanisms

really, keeping a list of action-based conversation starters to meet your goals that all sound like something a caricature of a high-level business executive would say... honey

memorizing clever turns of phrase and the cadence of storytelling

and refusing to ever use this love of language in public lest it make him vulnerable or ruin anything he’s built

having practiced regulating his vocal tone and inflection to make them both as normal and as free of personality as possible

being unable to modulate his vocal tone and inflection when he’s Not actively concentrating on regulating them - speaking impulsively from a place of upset, getting excited about things, etc

physicality

having also practiced his physicality to appear as unthreatening and unobtrusive as possible

mirroring strangers, casual acquaintances, criminal associates

actively schooling himself not to talk with his hands; natural storytelling comes with gesturing and physical involvement

having pleasant conversations and being pleasant to exist around while managing to have absolutely no friends

anxious stomachaches

nervous tics

refusing to allow himself comfortable clothing or a comfortable living space despite seeming to want these things

deciding he can have nice shoes, as a treat (doesn’t have anything to do with neurodivergence i just think it’s cute)

internal emotions

Everything Is Horrible, All The Time, But That’s Fine Because That’s Just How Life Is For Me And I’ve Accepted It

deeply unhappy, deeply bored, deeply exhausted, deeply terrified

given up on dreams and ambitions because they will never be accessible to someone like him (one of those things that in-narrative isn’t autism-related, but sure can be a hashtag relatable feel)

happiness, excitement, joy, any positive emotions are all “dangerous” because they represent a loss of control

zero to one hundred IMMEDIATELY in terms of anger, manic excitement, terror, misery, self-flagellation

constantly self-regulating, compartmentalizing, putting aside, and refusing to act on emotions despite feeling Incredibly Deeply

anxiety

obsessing, catastrophizing, making contingency plans, exploring bad outcomes, regretting past actions literally every single second of every day

aforementioned physical anxiety manifestations

resigned to ronan and matthew’s eventual deaths even when things are Mostly Okay

convinced that if and when something happens to ronan or matthew, it will be his fault

none of these things are autism-related specifically, there’s just something in his repetitive thoughts / methods of self-soothing / ways of internalizing trauma that's..... a feeling

child development

one of those kids who would have been called “precocious”

had developed a system for watching/protecting ronan and trying to convince ronan not to dream things by age five

specific interests in things deemed uninteresting or unimportant

didn’t engage in the same play behavior most kids his age would

got overwhelmed and cried over liking a gift too much

consciously aware of niall’s disdain for him, aurora’s ephemeral nature, and ronan’s dangerousness to himself at age five

some of these things are definitely exacerbated or fully caused by a childhood of emotional neglect and endangerment; autism reading integrates with this rather than replacing it.  i strongly feel declan would still have been a “precocious” child with a healthy happy parental upbringing as well

sense of responsibility

extremely stressed by any situation he can’t control

will attempt to control situations beyond his jurisdiction to minimize this

studies so many parenting books after technically becoming ronan and matthew’s caretaker because he has no frame of reference for parenting and does not trust his instincts

“if you want something done right, do it yourself” a life motto by declan lynch

“everything is my fault, all the time” a life motto by declan lynch

“except when it’s dad’s or ronan’s fault” a pretty fair addendum by declan lynch

mental stimulation

so unbelievably bored with his life situation

THRILLED any time he gets to play games or engage in clever conversation - seen a little in his “crime makes me feel alive” vibes, his back-and-forth banter with jordan

won’t let himself get engaged in things because passion feels unsafe

enjoys himself for about one hour of one single night and then immediately starts cracking to pieces about how living in a constant state of mental dissatisfaction is killing him slowly

somehow manages to be surprised by this turn of events

interests

he hides art he loves in a murder attic like a feral cat who refuses to eat in front of people. i don’t even need to get into this

absolutely immediately enchanted to the point of self-labeled stupidity by watching jordan paint

infodumping about art history

trading art interests with jordan bc he’s legitimately interested and excited by what she knows and feels passionate about

this entire post should just be the murder attic. declan oh my fucking god

aforementioned collecting of language he likes

the whole tyrian purple thing.  again.  declan oh my fucking god

emotional intimacy

craves emotional intimacy but is TERRIFIED of being known and/or being rejected

is convinced he can never and will never have emotional intimacy in his life

has all the stamina of a wet tissue in terms of keeping his emotional secrets when jordan cottons onto them

gets annoyed by relationships with people who want emotional connection but continues playacting through the motions of said relationships in the hopes of being less lonely

comforting people / expressing genuine care

declan attempted to dispense comfort.  “everybody dies, matthew”

i have to put attempted to dispense comfort on the list again.  oh my god.  to declan’s brain, emotional comfort is a vending machine that’s eaten ten dollars in a row and is now falling on him after he made the mistake of shaking it

declan regretted saying anything.  [immediately says the worst thing possible]

write your routine, ronan. now. now. write it. write it down. (because i’m worried you’re going to kill yourself but have no idea how to say that so i have to focus on concrete action.)

every time he’s tried to say “i’m worried about you” and instead gone “why are you inconveniencing me this way.” king

having no sense of how to communicate feelings or solve emotional conflicts through talking despite attempting to do these things frequently, AFTER STUDYING OUT OF BOOKS, to his detriment

preferring to take care of people silently and subtly through protecting them and making things easier for them, extremely similarly to how ronan does

irritability

constantly in a low level fugue state of annoyance

runs on caffeine and fumes

very thin patience for anyone else’s inability to stick to plans, manage time, regulate emotion, do their jobs, follow through on commitments, etc

the unceasing “i’m not unhappy. i’m not unhappy. i’m not unhappy” while at work screams of “i am in sensory/emotional hell all the time and checking slightly out of this plane to deal”

loses control all at once, when he does lose control

drains energy like a broken cellphone battery from the effort of combating misery, anxiety, mental overload, boredom, masking all thoughts and feelings

bonus content: parents

the actual in-universe reasons for these things aren’t related to neurodivergence as far as we know, but

growing up as the unfavored child whose interests are constantly ignored or shut down 

seeing your siblings get preferential treatment for no reason

being silenced or punished every time you express dissatisfaction or unhappiness or anger

being considered disposable

internalizing the idea that you’re a burden unless you’re worth something to others

that’s a real common lived realty for autistic ppl

bonus content: brothers

i read all three lynch brothers as being on the spectrum and all having different experiences with it

i read matthew as having had the inverse experience of declan, in which he flaps and stims and chews loudly and talks a mile a minute and expresses himself with excitement and passion and bouncing

& he has Not been punished for it or made to feel like it should be hidden

declan’s ferocious protectiveness of matthew is in many ways bc he wants to keep matthew from suffering the same way he has

differing autism spectrum experiences fit neatly into that

ronan and declan’s experiences are in some ways wildly different

in other ways, though

going zero to one hundred on the emotional spectrum, defaulting to anger to avoid fully feeling internal chaos, being unable to understand the other’s feelings or thought processes / making wildly incorrect conclusions about them, preferring to show feelings through action rather than words, struggling to translate genuine emotion into expression without coming across as a dick

they are Very Similar

declan and ronan do a lot of “dog growls at its own reflection” about this because neither of them is more furious than when they see their own perceived shortcomings in the other

i’m positive i’ve forgotten some things and also positive i have not communicated all of these thoughts as effectively as i would like but i have been typing this post for a thousand years.  here you go

[sarinataylor]

Reverse blind date Joger where someone deliberately stands Roger up to teach him a lesson because he is such a player and John watching from the bar realises he is upset

oooooh ok. ok. ok

so roger is like. he’s got a rep around campus? it’s not necessarily a bad one per say, but. he’s pretty and he’s confident and yeah, he dates a lot. bc roger is a secret romantic tbh ok

not like freddie’s a romantic though. like freddie wants to fall in love and then never ever ever break up with the person he falls in love with because he wants to buy a house and forty cats with them. like freddie genuinely believes he’s incomplete without someone to love and be loved by in return which roger thinks is Super Unhealthy

so roger’s not romantic like that. roger just…. enjoys the excitement of  first date? getting to know someone, letting them get to know you, enjoying those first flushes of could-be-love. roger even somewhat likes when things start to fall apart bc there’s beauty in that too. there’s something beautiful in being able to recognise that you’re not right for another.

so he dates a lot. which, again, isn’t a bad thing. he doesn’t date for the sake of dating? he just. if there’s someone he finds interesting or attractive or funny? he’ll ask them out. 

(this is how he met brian who awkwardly agreed and then blurted out half way through dinner that he was straight, he just didn’t know how to say no. they stay for the whole meal and end up somehow being like… best friends by the end of it.)

(a lot of roger’s friends are people he’s dated in the past, actually)

but yanno for every sort of ex that you’re on good terms with there’s gonna be someone you’re. decidedly not. and ok, rog will be the first? (maybe second actually, freddie will generally be the first) to admit that he’s sometimes not the most….. tactful at breaking off some of the more casual dating he does

like he doesnt ghost on actual relationships but there’s…. there’s definitely some ghosting that’s gone down in the past. some very early cases where he wasnt very clear on the non-exclusive nature of the dating??? 

he was young(er) and stupid okay he has like. a comprehensive set of rules now (a. establish that dates are not exclusive unless explicitly discussed, as all major relationship developments should be. b. no fucking the people you date unless you’re interested in an Actual Relationship bc it blurs lines!!!!! it confuses ppl!!!!!! c. if someone has a rep as a clinger listen to that reputation instead of their insightful analysis in class. the reputation precedes interesting dinner conversation. every. time.)

(brian is like???? have u heard YOUR reputation???? and roger is like well yeah but. no one calls me clingy, do they? which brian has to concede that, no, they decidedly do not.)

BUT the important thing to note here is that roger dates a lot of people because he genuinely enjoys dating people, he enjoys getting to know people. he asks out people who he finds interesting for some reason or another. he’s not offended when people say no, like. that’s fine. 

but yeah. he gets stood up. 

which? it’s like. the first time it’s ever happened. and it’s embarrassing. like, if they weren’t interested he would have preferred they just said. but it’s fine? like. he’ll just. eat on his own. that’s fine, he’s not too bothered though he does wish that they’d like. messaged him to let him know they were standing him up so he could have ordered earlier instead of waiting half an hour

but then they Do message him. a catty message along the lines of “now you know how it feels to be let down. maybe you’ll think before you do it to someone else again” and That upsets him because… he’s never stood anyone up???? would never intentionally leave someone waiting????? and he’s Grown Up since his first year of uni where he ghosted people like. he’s really upfront nowadays but he just sort of. starts spiralling a little bit sat at the table gulping down red wine like???? fuck???????

a fun mix of anger that this was clearly something this person PLANNED and also anxiety that maybe he’s been doing this to people this whole time and he just never noticed???? he’s an Awful Person and he just. didn’t know. 

(which like. the sheer amount of his ex-dates, ex-fucks, and straight up exes that are still friends with him sort of implies that this is not the case? one of his exes is getting married in six months and he’s one of the groomsmen somehow like.)

and JOHN is sitting at the bar. like he’s waiting for his roommate to finish her shift so they can head home together but her shift’s been extended so he’s just. hanging out. eating complimentary bar nuts and being slipped sneaky beers by the on floor manager. and he’d noticed roger walk in, roger had ta’d one of his classes a year or so back and he knows his rep, and he’d sort of been looking forward to watching The Master At Work

like. he was gonna take notes so that he and ronnie (roommate, obvs) could laugh about it when they got home

(roger totally asked ronnie out once. she didn’t even answer, just walked away. she was annoyed at how charming the sound of him laughing as she did so was. she sort of hates him that “he’s never done anything to me and everyone i know who knows him says he’s a nice bloke BUT I REFUSE TO BELIEVE IT” kind of way)

but uh. yeah. he’s been stood up. 

and john’s like….. damn. like, he wouldn’t even stand roger taylor up. he’s always been kind of glad that roger’s never asked him out, and never will bc…. he’s p boring and not like ronnie or brian or anyone else roger’s dated, bc he knows he’d say yes and then ronnie would never let him live it down. not ever. 

and like he seems to be rolling with it? he orders himself a bottle of wine and an appetiser which has john like Damn the man be RICH

(the man be decidedly NOT rich and is definitely not going to be able to pay for the bus for the next week now he’s spending his “extra” money on bottles of wine rather than the glass or two he had planned to buy. but whatever, he can walk it. not to mention splurging on the bread platter instead of the bruschetta. he’s been stood up, okay??? if there was ever a time to eat All Of The Carbs and wash it down with two bottles of wine, this would be it)

and then after like one glass? of wine? he just seems to sort of curl in on himself???? and he seems genuinely upset???? like he’s tapping sort of frantically on his phone and he didnt even say thank you to the waiter who brought over his Bread Palooza and john doesnt know him well but. he never seemed the kind of guy who wouldnt thank wait staff okay?????

and before he can even stop himself he’s trailing over there, bar nuts in hand, and awkwardly standing next to the table silently. 

and roger is like distractedly not even looking up from stuffing bread into his mouth and texting freddie who isn’t responding which means, he guesses, that he didn’t get stood up on his date tonight. bully for him. so roger’s like yeah thanks mate not ready to order my main yet. 

and john’s like…. uh. ok. and just thrusts the bar nuts he’s had in his hand for like. ten minutes under his nose like you look sad, do you want a nut?

and roger looks up and just sort of blinks at him for a long moment before bursting out laughing like yes yes i would like a nut, thanks, john

which has john flustered bc a) he’s a MORON oh my god “do you want a nut”??????? what is he????? he wants to DIE and also b) roger. remembers his name?????????

so john stammers out an apology, explains he’s waiting for ronnie (”ronnie…. oh, uh, you probably don’t remember who she is, she’s-” – “your roommate, right? i forgot she was a waitress here, actually. how is she?” – “….. she’s good. sorry, how do you know she’s my roommate?”)

which leads to roger inviting him to sit down as a family of four tries to move past him, but can’t because he’s making a bottleneck in the aisle

so john. sits. bar nuts still in hand. 

(knees weak, hands sweaty, restaurant’s bar nuts. would the real slim shady please stand up?)

and roger’s just hella casual like “yeah just got stood up bc im an awful person, how u been”

and john’s like uh technically i asked for none of that information 

and the waiter comes and interrupts as roger sort of just blinks at him bc john is Not The Best at unplanned social interaction. like john approached him??? but ok. and the waiter is like um? hi john? given up on waiting for ronnie to finish?

as roger slam dunks his last glass of wine 

and john is sort of like ohw ell. this guy used to be my ta and he looked sad because he’s been stood u- oh my god, im so sorry

and roger is just. you know what? this has been fun. i’ve really enjoyed the multiple levels of abject humiliation that i have endured tonight but i think i’m going to cut it short and just chucks  thirty quid on the table like thanks (to the waiter) and good luck with the, uh, engineering? degree, i think? (to john)

who is bewildered bc how the fuck does he remember what degree im doing from the round of fucking ice breakers we did in the first tutorial of a class i took LAST YEAR 

(roger’s party trick is remembering like. everything about ppl. you know in that way that really popular people have where somehow they can remember that your second cousin twice removed got married three years back, despite not seeing you since a month before the wedding, and they’re asking how it was using the NAMES of the bride and groom (who. they’ve never met) and you’re like??????? i fuckin forgot the grooms name what the FUCK. i hate these people with a passion. nice people? the worst. john feels much the same as i do)

and before he can even say anything roger has just…. slunk off into the night. leaving him with the waiter who is quite happy about the ten pound tip, and a hand full of bar nuts. 

anyway roger goes home to cry at brian who is like. ur not a bad person, people just….. come to conclusions about ur behaviour based on the exaggerated experiences of others. but u also WERE sort of a dick when u were 18, but so is…. like every 18 year old so i honestly just wouldn’t torture myself ab it so neither should u

(a boldfaced LIE. this conversation leads brian to spend the entire night staring at his ceiling and reliving that one time he forgot to say thanks to the bus driver when he was 16. the bus driver hates him, he knows. also he used to have super unacknowledged misogynistic and racist unconscious biases that had been pounded into him by society and he’s still trying to rectify that and????? oh GOD)

 and the next day, after he’s been convinced that he’s not the scum of the earth by brian, he rocks up outside of john’s class (which he abuses his access to the university database for the first and last time to find – he also tells john he did this immediately bc he’s like SO I PROBABLY CROSSED A BOUNDARY BUT IT WAS THIS OR STALK RONNIE AT WORK UNTIL SHE GAVE IN AND I THINK THAT WOMAN HATES ME i see her glaring all the time and idk why) and totally asks him out because…. well, he was interesting, wasn’t he?

[ocular-intercourse]

3, 29, and 32 for all of them 👀

thank you!! i’ll stick to my main boys or else i’d still be typing tomorrow

FINN

3. Favorite companion

oh this is so hard to answer for finn cause he is so full of love for every one of his friends and family he could not single anybody out, I’m going to count love interests out for this question in general even though for some of them they would be their company of choice. for finn i’m gonna have to say randy, cause logan and colin come as a package. he was his first friend after he moved to the us (counting out shawn) and with randy being an absolute chaotic mess of a person finn feels very comfortable around him. randy has some of the qualities finn has when he’s manic and messing up, hurting people or getting himself in trouble, seeing that in randy but seeing other people still love him and finn himself loving him is reassuring. it’s also really nice getting together with a person that has a very careless energy, where they can egg each other on and get into bullshit together and just have fun while another person would try to be more reasonable or would look at you weird for certain ideas. randy is very much a no-judgment kind of person and while that sometimes makes him an asshole it is also very relaxing when you are a person that judges oneself a lot and feels guilty for so many things. flawed ppl being flawed together without having to be ashamed. ❤

29. What makes them blush

to his friends he is very much an open book, he is a terrible liar, so all of his emotions are just out there, he is pretty relaxed about people getting to see these things, cause he has learned it makes life easier sometimes, for people always knowing where they are at with him. he is not embarrassed about many things, so making him blush out of embarrassment is a hard thing to do. he get’s blushy when he is excited or angry, just because he is energetic and agitated and not staying still. the one thing that makes him blush because it overwhelms his feelings is when he considers something very earnest admiration. a lot of compliments he just brushes off either as something that he does not agree with at heart, or as something the other person feels like them must say out of some sort of obligation, but if we had a situation, say shawn looking at him in an intimate moment and telling him how beautiful he thinks he is and finn realizing that that man is just genuinely in awe in that moment, especially about something finn is not always in agreement with, something like that would make him blush big time. so yeah, genuine compliments about things finn is insecure about, that does it.

32. If they had a tumblr, what would they post

i love this question hsadgj if finn had a tumblr it would be part of his online presence as a somewhat famous person, so a tumblr after finn became a professional athlete and one he would have had before that are two very different things. he is not very knowledgeable about online etiquette cause he did not spent a lot of time online, or with media in general, not a lot of pop culture references and stuff there, so some of it might be a little clumsy, but he catches on real quick. he would want to genuinely use it as a tool to connect to people, so it would be him sharing pictures or videos from his life, but also invite people to interact, asking for recommendations on things, Q&As, discussions about what to play for the next stream, he is the person that tries to answer every message, he would also very much use it as a tool to educate people, because he is very conscious about social issues, he advocates for equality and talks about mental illness and being poc and later on about sexuality and gender and so on, his rants go from angry to eloquent. pre fame finn tumblr would be more like.. just about bands, tattoos and food, more of a dark moodboard kind of thing, aesthetics of a sad angry boy

ASHER

3. Favorite companion

does clover count? these days being around people does not feel comfortable to him because he feels with every second they spend around him they are more and more in danger, he does sometimes get the same fear about clover but he feels his father would not harm her considering it was his idea to get an attack/protection dog and he just loves the idea of asher, voluntarily for once, running around with what is basically a weapon, he is really impressed about asher’s dedication to the training and how vicious the animal can be on command. so asher does not only feel safe considering clover will probably be safe, but also feels safe having her around as a protection dog, because people do have him in their crosshairs both for being incredibly rich but also being the son of a crime lord or whatever. he would have much more trouble using a weapon against another person, for some reason it feels more controlled to him, to have this dog that will incapacitate anybody he tells her to, not that dog bites can’t be deathly too but she is very much trained to do as little lasting harm as possible

29. What makes them blush

he is so dead inside i’m not sure he has the capacity these days, but i do feel like any kind of tenderness and closeness is a potential for him to blush. he was raised at a distance, very controlled, level-headed, you know, behave yourself, keep yourself together, being surrounded by someone who is just naturally very touchy feely and receiving their attention would probably make him blush real good. being told somebody is proud of him would be the killing blow, while his father expects him to be the best always and asher exceeding at everything eden still mostly tells him he is a disappointment as a very messed up tool to motivate and any sense of proudness he gets from his father is either when on public display, or about things asher himself does not feel especially proud of. asher can’t help but try and be the best at everything, part of it is definitely about getting some sort of parental recognition that has always been dangling just out of reach, at this point i don’t think it matters who says the words he is conditioned to fall apart upon hearing them.

32. If they had a tumblr, what would they post

his own photography, but he would also use it to promote any artist he enjoys, it would be a lot of art history, a lot about music, rich boy guilty pleasure: pictures from travels and gourmet food

TEDDY

3. Favorite companion

his brother, brad makes him feel most accepted and at home in his family, he engages the most with him, out of genuine interest but also because it gives him input for his books. teddy does not mind so much, being used for inspiration, he feels a little flattered even, that someone would consider his life that interesting, and brad makes it very clear that his interest in teddy is much more than just a goldmine considering his career. they very clearly admire each other and enjoy the feeling of the other thinking so highly of them

29. What makes them blush

anything that goes in either direction of a base emotion, being very happy, being very angry, strong emotions most definitely get him there, similarly to asher he was also raised to be a well-behaved child and to subdue big gestures, he was however never good at that, but it did lead to him feeling a sense of shame whenever he can’t hide just how excited/mad/annoyed etc. he is

32. If they had a tumblr, what would they post

teddy would have a cottagecore blog, it’s all flowers and comfortable little houses and domestic life and animals mixed with stuff about mythology and monsters, he would also have fun reblogging and engaging with stuff about his brother’s books, considering some of it is secretly based on him he would find it really entertaining reading about headcanons and everything

ACE

3. Favorite companion

i think his impulse would be to say his brother but being around dale is much more nerve wracking than he realizes himself, he would probably notice it, if he would spend some time with dale, and immediately afterwards spend some time around ben, that he would suddenly feel much calmer and more welcome and could just BE without it being some weird unspoken competition. i know i said no love interests, but with ace being, well ace and somewhat aro i do think ben counts more as a companion in a platonic way to ace than he would call him a love interest

29. What makes them blush

NOTHING he won’t allow it, but no that isn’t true but you would very much have to come at him with a sledgehammer or catch him off guard real good which is hard considering ace is always vigilant and dedicated to showing as little involuntary emotion as possible. ben and ellie get really good at flustering him once they get more intimate, they might find it a little too entertaining

32. If they had a tumblr, what would they post

memes, shitposts, trolling 24/7, just really obsure dada-esque humor. oh and his music

GYO

3. Favorite companion

gyo is a little hesitant at enjoying other people’s company cause he’s too used to betrayal, he does enjoy just being there though, just one of many, part of a group, not especially important to any of them so they don’t have a tight bond, but spending time together nonetheless, might be an army thing, the evenings in camp before you march on or fight, camaraderie. he does however feel especially proud when surrounded by his closest subordinates, the ones he’s been a mentor to, just the thought of this group of strong people that act on his orders, but it is not a single person. a person who’s company he truly enjoys wholeheartedly is his granddaughter of course, but they don’t see each other very often. dimà has the potential of becoming a companion sooner or later but who knows where that ends it’s a weird power balance. gyo would probably consider raime a little bit too beneath him to truly consider them a companion, though he feels closer to them than he’d like to admit.

29. What makes them blush

blushing gyo is such a lovely idea. i think innocence makes him blush, children interacting with him seeing nothing but a hero, it makes him equally bashful and ashamed. showing weakness makes him blush, cause he never does that, it would be uncomfortable and new and make him very vulnerable and would only happen if there is truly no way around it, talking about what happened to him when he was a slave would make him blush, it’s a mixture of anger, disgust and shame of having been so weak

32. If they had a tumblr, what would they post

hasfhasgfdj ok we all know my favorite version of modern gyo is the army bbq dad and i find the idea of him basically posting facebook level dad posts really really funny, shaky pics, unflattering low angle selfies, pictures of his fishing successes, reminiscing about his army days, but with him being a security guy he would in all honesty not do that, he would not post any personal information at the very least. how about just a blog about weapons and self-defense. if there’d be such a thing as tumblr in the gyoverse it would be a propaganda tool about the greatness of the empire and the unbeatable 7th division and the divine heir

[karens-vest]

newsies pjo au headcanons

more headcanons i made with that one friend i made hp headcanons with

what i say is bold what he was is in italics but sometimes i fucked up who said what

we started making these like right after the hp ones

anyways if you like percy jackson a newsies au w that could be 👌👌👌👌

fUCKIN HELL YES

ok so race is a hermes kid lets get that out of the way bc YES

crutchie is an apollo kiddo fight me on it

katherine is an athena child

o bv

oof whats davey

i’m not really sure?

what if hes like,, a satyr or smth

yes

then i could see jack maybe being a child of zeus?

tjat sounds h ella

now for these headcanons to turn into complete angst

but before that

i could see jack being hella good with a sword

also spot’s an ares kid

definitely ,,

but before angst

crutchie got claimed in the best way ok he accidentally cursed race to speak in rhyme for a week aftee race cheated during ctf

ahdjaj perfect

& like i could see katherine not even needing to be claimed like everyone just knows but like athena’s so proud she’s like “haha yeah that’s my kid”

t b h

spot comes to camp and he looks very angry and shit,, he intimidates even jack then the next week jack is just walking around and he sees spot feedin a chipmunk in the forest out of his hands

p l e a s e

then i could see the delancey bros being some of the demigods trying to bring kronos back

raise ur hand if u wanna punch the delancey brothers

raises both hands

raises one hand bc only oscar i’d slap morris tho bc hes still a dick but mike faist even said that deep down he’s a good guy

true,,

smh did u notice that one (1) time when davey is first getting his papers oscar like checks him out or smth

i only just noticed and its Awkward™

oscar wyd

hold on theres a gif of it i think

also like i love how crutchie said “morning mr. wiesel” & like wiesel actually smiled & he was nice to crutchie like augh crutchie’s so nice

crutchies just like,,, soft

wair wait fpund it

what a mood

right

an y ways back onto the subject of the pjo thing bc we went from,, that to oscar lookin at daveys ass somehow,,

yeah these hcs get very steered away

sw e ats i wonder why that is

o o f

o,, o of

ok so before this gets too off track i think jack would either use the shield thalia had with the medusa head or be too scared to even be near it 

ppff probably the second one

spot called him a pussy for it

but spot got scared too

and then race called him a pussy but race is scared too

theyre all scared

and crutchie just like, picks it up and hes like “woah, this is cool!” he shows no fear 

spot has resolved that crutchie is a cryptid

& jack would be like !? excuse me??? bc he’s supposed to be the one using it & not afraid i mean ut’s the shield zeus used he should too

crutchie is a cryptid, confirmed by,, everyone whos seen him with it is he even real is he even half human???? we just dont know

i mean crutchie & cryptid both have cr at the beginning so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

g asp

i think i cracked the case that yeah hes a cryptid

the world needs to fuckin know weve figured it out

the world will know

gdi

and the journal too

(( we got sidetracked & started talking about newsies quotes. )) ((  “ thEY Was c O R Onas! ” “w oah” ))

anyways back to the pjo newsies au i feel like katherine would send any messages by owl bc her mom’s athena & she thinks it’s cool

h ella like jack and crutchie are out at night,, sneakin around and settin up a prank, and then they just see kath with this bigass owl on her shoulder or smth

then more owls land on her & during ctf she has the owls distract or scratch people she just always has an owl. she names them all. the one that stays with her the most though is named olive.

both boys are confused and jack brings it up once,, but hes kinda rude abt it like “why do u keep those weird owls around?? i keep finding owl droppings everywhere” she g lares at him and the next day he finds owl droppings under his pillow race and crutch make fun of him for it

she’s like,, queen of the owls,, & she likes olives a lot too & bc her mother made the olive tree she can too & sometimes one of the boys is running & she just plops a tree in front of him & he hits it

its race running from spot bc race owes spot like ten dollars for losing a bet and race b reaks his nose its not a happy day

& spot’s like “thanks kath” then takes the money from race chaotic good

race is Not Amused everything bad seems to happen to him

he thinks he got cursed by someone but nah everyone just likes picking on him

a concept; romeo is a son of aphrodite and he just,,, charmspeaks everyone nonstop

it does not work on anyone,, except crutchie and specs

yes yes yes sometimes people pretend it works then they’re like “haha sike”

bc crutchie is just rlly nice but specs is just,, really bad at restraining himself

but romeo’s like “one day this will never fail” & will it never fail? the world may never know.

p much hes so bad at it though and he never actually practices

he’s just like “i mean i’m son of aphrodite shouldn’t i be able to just,, do it”

hes lazy and,, everyone else can relate bc they never wanna do any practicing either

katherine’s the only one that does

& like jack can shock people w lightning but like they don’t feel like practicing magic when they’ve got weapons

yeah,, and davey too he just like, randomly trots out of the woods one day,, nobody has seen him for a week?? he just goes right up to some other satyrs that crutchie is talkin to and hes just dead quiet before saying,, “the newts are out of control again,, theyre eating trees whole now” crutch is c onf us ed

and yes theyre all too lazy for their own good

also i find it funny that the apollo kids were the best healers but crutchie has a bad leg

yELLS I JUST REALISED THAT LMAO

crutchie is a good healer??? but when it comes to like,, paper cuts or smth he just,, cant also he uses Sensible Elbow Crutches,, fi ght me

yes & also i feel like while everyone else fought he’d just be there healing everyone like he can use a bow but not very well

also since pjo is also technically modern times race wears heelys

hes one of the best medics,,, but also if anyone calls him medic he will punch them

hOLY FUCK YES??

“take your wheels off, racer, its dinner” “race, you cant climb the wall with those” (‘yes i can’ he says, and then falls) “can you just,, not wear your wheels rn?? this is an important meeting”

like he’ll wheel to the hermes table every night & do the exact same thing he wheels over then hits a table or chair he has never not

except once, but only bc crutchie stopped him with one of his crutches and ordered him to take them off race was like “or what??” and crutchie just givrmes him this g l are needless to say race always nyooms to the take on the other side now he does not want to have to speak in rhyme for so long ever again

“givrmes” wyd @ self

also RACE IS AN OUTDATED MEME HE USES FUCKING MEMES FROM YEARS AGO IT ANNOYS EVERYONE EXCEPT THE OTHER HERMES KIDS

RACE, THE STALE MEME OF THE HERMES CABIN

also #LetCrutchieSayFuck2k18

#LetCrutchieSayFuck2k18

also this one isn’t modern or pjo but race has 100% flirted with the delanceys to get extra papes (spoiler alert: it didn’t work)

romeo has also done this once before (it didnt work) davey has never done it before, hes shit at flirting (he somehow got 2 extra papers anyway. from who, he doesnt know)

every newsie has done this (except les ofc)

only crutchie and davey got extra papes once davey returned them tho bc hes a law-abiding citizen crutchie,, did not crutchie flirts unintentionally and its funny when people are like,, “what are you implying?” and he just gets rlly confused,,

crutchie’s just so,, hufflepuff like i can’t stop thinking about how hufflepuff he is 

(( we got like,, really sidetracked. we started talking about books & then the bee movie & idk whatever ))

we were talkin abt crutchie and then divergent and then fantasy and scifi books and then the bee movie

oof right so like i honestly think all the newsies & katherine would be so good at capture the flag like if they’re all on one team the other team already knows they’re losing but if they’re split up so they’re on two different teams against eachother that’s when things get difficult

and there are a lot of newsies so its hard to get em all on one team??,, but usually athena and hermes team and take aphrodite and apollo ares yoinks everyone else it is hell davey watches from the sidelines, either studying or texting race or jack memes while theyre fighting

& tbh i feel like newsies vs newsies would be hilarious like a ton of taunting & distractions & picking on eachother

jack and spot end up on the same team and its chaos always the same team,,

except one time & it was even more chaos since one can create lightning & the other can create fire 

they learned it’s better for them to be on the same team, even if it’s still chaos.

davey is not amused when they almost kill one of the oldest trees when fighting kath and race

he probably slapped them after

he did no one has ever seen dave so mad

also remember race’s heelys? he uses those in battle. it either helps him or causes him to fuck up even more. there’s an even mix of both.

wait but like,, tb to davey bein a satyr his,, horns,, h orns theyre just little nubs pokin out from under his hair the horns,, are cute

dbahsh YES also i can see some of the others making fun of how small they are & like pulls out his reed pipes & plays them & makes any plants surrounding whoever’s making fun of him trip

if they arent making fun, theyre flirting davey is Exasperated™

and katherine just relates to him on a spiritual level bc the first time ppl see her, they usually immediately check her out davey and kath have to suffer through romeo flirting endlessly

but they both have the best anti-flirts & they’re the platonic power couple

theyre going to have to kill if anyone asks if theyre dating again though like once bc everyone kept sayin they were, they pretended to for a week and then yelled “just kidding, we’re not dating! april fools, motherfuckers!” (katherine also yelled really loud “im p sure daveys like,, gay lol” and davey refused to speak with her for a week)

he did that bc she found out

i m

ur not wrong but

so when he started talking to her again he was like “howd you know”

“i saw you staring at finch’s ass the other day” “gdi”

& she’s the only one that knows

then the next week, daveys saying hi to everyone before ctf, and jack walks up like “so,, why were you staring at finch’s ass???” and he just fuckin,, looks at kath and she snorts abd falls over laughing

okay so like idk if you like dear evan hansen or not but if you do tbh i could see jared & race either being best friends or like very hateful enemies.

y es??

connor murphy does art and he and jack bond over it

& if it’s still the pjo au then alana’s totally an athena kid too & she talks to kath all the time

evan,, an anxiety filled satyr who can only talk to davey just bc they have a lot in common

hed be really annoyed that he has so many siblings and that hes son of hermes of all gods and connor and zoe would both have different dads zoe is a daughter of nemesis,, so she has to stay in the hermes cabin, and connor is either son of dionysus or someone else

wait no scratch nemesis

i thought abt lesbians when writing that my mistake

shed be like,, daughter of,, either hades or like,, hermes idk

i could see hades for her

davey and evan talk about snakes and trees,, “did you know a ball python can go up yo a month without food?” “ !! woah! did you know the oldest living tree, the mutheselah, is nearly 5000 years old??”

(( then we were wondering who connor’s parent would be & didn’t talk about it for like a month ))

i was thinking about our old pjo au & i thought about zoe as a kid of hecate & connor’s a kid of hades they’re a badass duo since they can both raise the dead they’re great to bring on missions since zoe knows where to go at crossroads so they don’t get lost or anything & like i said they raise the fucking dead

evan the satyr has to go on a quest with them and they argue the whole time hes Not Amused

bc like they disagree always but put them on a battlefield & they suddenly work together amazingly also if there’s the same prophecy percy was in with kronos rising & if there’s gonna be angst then zoe’s a spy & connor’s like “well whatever fuck you” but in reality he’s like “i trusted her” & it’s Not Okay

oh n o  (( it returns ))

then during the first battle zoe gets hurt bc she had just summoned a lot of dead people & got kind of worn out & one of the campers went to kill her but connor saved her & after that nobody really trusted him

correction: he sacrifices himself to save her

hes dead now and everyone is sad

zoe can’t forgive herself she leaves kronos’ army to fight with the camp they don’t really trust her & nobody talks to her but she’s there

evan is Not Okay At All

alana is all over it though

evan doesn’t really know how to feel about zoe he kinda hates her because she’s the reason connor died

whys this angst smh

there’s always goddamn angst when we do this

ffs

here i’ll fix it zoe brings connor back & they win the war & everything’s perfect & fun & happy

nah it sounds like a fairy tale now

i’ll fix that too zoe brings connor back but she dies doing it

better

[horansqueen]

Fratboy!Niall oneshot (smut)

- yea, took me MONTHS, im aware - 3.5k - written from Y/N’s pov - can’t find a title. sue me. - SMUT. just in case you didnt see. - i don’t find this that bad but i prefer to warn ppl, name calling, dirty talking, blablabla. - i didnt proofread. i never proofread. i hate to proofread. - feedbacks? likes? reblogs? comments? asks? PLEASE? :) - IMPORTANT: read what i wrote at the end in bold! 

FRATBOY!NIALL ONESHOT SMUT

My eyes scanned the room as i tried to make my way through the mob of people. The music was too loud, the amount of drunk fratboys was so high just getting in that house felt dangerous in itself. I still follow a few of my friends until the kitchen and we quickly grab something to drink before to reach the large living room.

The fraternity house was ridiculously big with two levels, way too many rooms and an immense backyard with a pool right in the middle. We started dancing and drinking and after my third drink, my best friend nudge my side and i grimaced before to turn to her. She sent me a smirked and moved her chin, pointing behind me.

"Look who's here Y/N, your favorite fratboy."

My friends started laughing as i turned around and noticed Niall Horan. The sight of him so close made me grimace and groan at the same time. Niall really had this effect on me and it always bothered me. There was no one cockier than this little shit and most of the time, i had to stop myself from slapping him. He noticed me and i sighed, turning around quickly to my friends.

"Please, make him go away."

They all started to laugh again but did nothing when the little fucker pushed himself against me, pressing his crotch on my ass. I felt him breathe near my neck and tried to hide the shiver that ran up my spine.

"Hey babe, missed me?" he whispered in my ear, pressing himself harder, hard enough for me to feel his slightly erected cock press against my ass. "I need some help and your lips seem perfect for the task."

I moved away quickly and turned around, sending him a disgusted face. He only replied with a smirk and there was nothing I wanted more than to steal his glasses and stomp on them repeatedly. He didn't even need them anyway, he just used them aesthetically, to look sexy or smarter and i groaned low again knowing it totally worked.

"Never. In a thousand years." I promised, crossing my arms on my chest. "Get it?"

He glanced at my friends then back at me, taking a step closer and bending down.

"You shouldn't make promises you can't keep." he breathed again before to smirk at me and turn around to leave.

I hated how arrogant he was yet i couldn't say he was lying. My head and my heart wanted nothing to do with him, but my vagina had an other opinion, and it talked loud and clear. If i didn't have so much pride, and if he would finally shut up, i probably would let him fuck me senseless until i can't walk. But I was never gonna admit that to him.

"Don't tell me what I can and can't do." i let out. "You know nothing about me."

Niall turned around to face me again and took a few steps my way. He raised his eyebrows and his lips curled into a smirk as his friends let out a few mocking 'ohhh's and laughs. I stood there, looking at him straight in the eyes, trying to prove to him that i was serious. My eyes became smaller and i tilted my head. I noticed his eyes dropping to my lips and even if i didn't want it to, it turned me on slightly. The thought of Niall Horan wanting me was quite flattering but not enough to give him something he could brag about tomorrow.

"Oh i know more than you think." he whispered so only me could hear.

His words took me by surprise and i moved my chin up lightly, crossing my arms on my chest.

"Fuck you, Horan."

I felt someone take my arm and pull me back but i kept our eyes locked until an other hand dragged me back. I followed my friends away but sent Niall one last glare over my shoulder, pissed that he still had a smirk on his face.

We started drinking and dancing together and i was slowly getting tipsy. At the end of a song, I left my friends to find a bathroom and ended up on the second floor, waiting in line.  My phone beeped and i looked at the text message i received before to make a grimace.

'You look so good, I dream of my cock in your mouth.'

I didn't even have to check the number, I knew it's Niall, and once again, I regreted ever giving him my phone number. I glanced at the "asshole" written where his name should be and chuckle but quickly lost my smile, hoping he didn't think i smiled at his message.

'Never putting that small thing in my mouth, loser.'

I wanted to look around to see where he was but i didnt't dare and when the last person walked out of the bathroom, i quickly walked in and locked the door. After I was done, i took the time to look at myself in the mirror and grimaced at my reflection. I put on more lipsticks and tilted my head, analyzing my features. Breathing in deeply, i opened the door and jumped a little, bringing my hand to my chest as my heart skipped a beat. He was leaning against the frame, looking at me with the same smirk and i sighed loud, putting my hands on my waist.

"Let me out."

"I promise i won't tell anyone."

I held my breathe, staring at him, feeling my inhibitions leave slowly as the alcohol intoxicated me more and more.

"If you don't, i'll say even worse things about what we did."

He took a step closer and i took a one back, raising my eyebrows.

"You're such an asshole."

He kept staring at me as he pushed on the door with his feet, closing it behind himself. I glanced at it before to look back in his eyes and frown.

"You're not gonna force me,  are you."

He chuckles and rolls his eyes at me.

"I never had to force a girl and i'm not gonna start tonight." he pointed out, making me a little angry at his cockiness. "You're free to leave whenever you want. But if you want me, even just sexually, i think you should act on it."

We looked at each other and i felt something inside, something impulsive, something that made me want to do anything and everything he'd want to me.

"If you tell this to anyone, I'll..."

"Deny everything?" he cut me, raising his eyebrows with a smirk.

I chuckled and shook my head. "No, i'll tell everyone you have a very small dick."

He smirked more and licked his lips, glancing again at mine. I felt frozen in place, waiting for his hands to run on me, for his lips to kiss me, for him to just take me, but instead, he waited. He wanted me to make the first step and it was annoyed me because i knew it was all about winning. I moved past him slowly, making him turn around with a frown, and i locked the door, turning again to lean against it. I tilted my head and it was my time to smirk.

"Tell me what you think about when you think about me." i asked low, a mischievous smile still spread on my lips. "How would you want to use me?"

He looked at me slightly surprised by my behavior and probably also my words but he took a step closer and put his hands against the door on each side of my head.

"I want to fuck those lips." he whispered, making my inner thighs throb. "I want to feel them around my cock. I want to feel your tongue run on it and i want you to suck me hard."

My lips parted and i stared in his eyes, trying to imagine the expressions and the sounds hed make if i sucked him dry and i moved my tongue slowly on my bottom lip. He glanced at it and i could swear i heard a low groan coming out of his mouth.

"Maybe you'll get what you want." I whispered, looking straight into his eyes.

He bent down slowly but i stopped him, my hand pressed on his chest, shaking my head.

"No kissing. You're not my boyfriend."

He chuckled still staring at me and i could feel his warm breath on my cheek, turning me on even more. I wanted to kiss him but somehow i wanted to prove that even if i wanted him to use me, I was the one in charge. I was the one who decided what he could and couldn't do, and what he would and wouldn't get.

"Alright pet, what do I have the right to do then?"

He was clearly amused and i couldn't blame him. I was enjoying this game probably even more than him. I let my hand slide on his chest and down to his pants, unbuttoning them slowly, still staring at him.

"Here's what you're allowed to do." I started, tilting my head.  "You're allowed to grab my hair, fuck my face and cum wherever you want."

I felt his cock twitch against my palm and my smirk grew. "That seems to be something you really want." I pointed out with an other chuckle. "Oh, and i'm not getting naked."

I saw him grimace and he glanced down. "In your underwear?"

I thought for a few seconds and finally nodded. "Alright, deal."

He took a step back and i shook my head with a smile at how impatient he was. I took my shirt off and quickly stepped out of my jeans as he took a few seconds to study me.

"I wish I could see more." he admitted, his eyes still running over my body before i grabbed the front of his shirt and brought him closer.

"Not today."

His eyes moved down and he ran one of his fingers on the top of my bra, tracing the outline before i slapped his hand. "I never said you could touch."

Looking up in my eyes, he moved his hand away and let it fall on his side with an exagerated sigh. I brought my hand back to the front of his pants and his face changed again.

"How hard?" he just asked as I took his dick out, stroking it gently.

"As hard as you want." i murmured.

He nodded slowly, still staring at me, but his smile had completely left. His look was hard and dominating and i was pretty sure it was not the first time he did something like that. He brushed one of his fingers on my shoulder and raised his eyebrows, moving his chin slightly.

"I hope for you that you won't regret this, petal."

I was going to answer but he quickly let go of my shoulder to grip my hair, pulling on it hard and making my head jerk back roughly. I held my breath as my whole body started to throb. He brought his face close to mine and i whimpered low. It made him smirk again and he moved his lips to my neck.

"On your knees." he ordered in a whisper right before to bite the skin of my neck harder than i thought he would.

It made an other whine escape my lips as he pulled my head down still using my hair. Surprisingly, it didn't hurt and i realized I was already horny when i fell on my knees in front of his half-erected cock. I stared at it and my lips parted lightly, wondering what it would feel like to have it in my mouth but he quickly took me out of my day dream.

"Open your mouth like a good little slut, I know you want to suck on it."

I was going to protest, pointing out the name calling was not part of our deal, but he pulled on my hair harder, making me look up as he bent down.

"The only reason for you to open your fucking mouth is so i can fuck your face." he explained in a husky voice. "I don't want to hear any word. Just the sound of you choking on my cock."

I felt my heart beat hard in my chest as i nodded, hyponotized by his words and the way he had changed. He was never the good boy but the sassy boy i thought i knew had turned into a rough man that knew exactly what he wanted. It was such a turn on that i caught myself thinking i was going to do everything he wanted me to do, no matter what it was. I was ready for him.

"The good little girl is going to turn into a good little whore."

His words made a shiver run up my spine and he brought my face back to his cock. He didn't have to ask again, I grabbed it and slipped it on my tongue, pulling his foreskin down to suck on his tip. His hand was still in my hair and he groaned at the contact of my lips on his dick. The whole thing excited me so bad i could feel myself drip in my panties. I desesperately wanted to slip one of my hands between my legs but i didn't want him to know how wet i was for him.

I kept sucking his cock, taking almost all of it in my mouth, as my hands stroked him in motion with my lips. After a few minutes, he pulled my head away and brought my head even closer.

"Give my balls some attention." he instructed me, making me hold my breath again.

My eyes ran on his hard dick and i hated myself for loving it so much. I wanted it so much i'd let him put it anywhere he wanted. My eyes stopped at his balls and i stuck my tongue out, running it on them slowly until he pushed my head more. I understood the message and wrapped my lips around one, sucking on it before to do the same to the other.

"Mm, shit, those lips work even better than i imagined." he admitted with a low moan.

I looked up and saw him let his head fall back slightly, his eyes closed, and it brought a sensation of victory inside me, making me wonder how good it would feel to make him cum. His hand moved in my hair and he gripped it tighter, making me whimper. It was a mix of pain and pleasure and i felt my inner thigh throb harder.

"Let's see how wet that made you."

I stopped breathing when he bent down and slipped his hand in my panties. I tried to remember if i gave him the permission to do that but i couldn't think straight. I hated myself for craving his touch that bad.

"You're fucking soaked."

The tip of his finger pressed on my clit gently and i let out a louder moan.

"This makes me even harder than I already was." he confessed as his finger slipped on my slit a few times before to focus back on my clit.

He took his hand out of my panties and i felt my heart drop, thinking he had stopped touching me but he brought his finger to his lips and sucked on it as i gazed at him intensely. He didn't say anything but brought his hand back down, sliding it back between my legs, this time running three of his fingers on my dripping core.

"Fuck I wish I could take care of that." he let out again in a low tone, making me squirm every time his fingers brushed against my clit.

I was speechless even though I wanted to beg him to make me cum and he finally moved his hand even, making me whimper in protest. He grabbed his dick with his wet hand and started jerking himself with my wetness as i watched him.

"Now that I know how much you love my dick, i'm gonna fuck your mouth and make you gag on it." he paused for a few seconds. "Open wide."

I felt my heart jump in my chest but he didn't give me time to answer. I felt the tip of his wet dick against my lips and instinctively opened my mouth. He quickly pushed it inside my mouth and i gagged lightly when it hit the back of my throat.

"Fuck..."

He pulled back and I breathed deeply, waiting for his next move. Without warning, he pushed it back all the way in my mouth but this time i didn't choke and he started going back and forth, almost gently at first but rougher with every thrust. He changed the pace of his movements and finally used my head against his cock, moving it in motion with his thrusts. I loved the way he was using me and i could feel myself close to an orgasm without even touching myself. Subtly, I brought my hand between my legs, over my panties, and brushed a finger on my clit. Niall glanced down and noticed what i was doing. I thought it was going to make him smirk but instead, his mouth opened and he panted before to moan. He pulled on my hair again, making my head move back and grabbed his dick, stroking it quickly a few seconds before to reach an orgasm. I felt his cum squirt on my cheeks and closed my eyes, sticking my tongue out. I wanted to know how he tasted and a few drops ended on my tongue as most of it landed on my forehead and my chin, dripping down on my neck.

"Fuck, you look so fucking good like that, pet." he expresseed, looking down at me. "Now clean me."

I watched a drop come out of his tip and ran my tongue quickly on it before sliding it down until his base and coming back up. I wrapped my lips around his tip and sucked hard, making him i didn't waste any and he groaned.

"Get up." he just ordered again, pulling on my hair.

I did as i was told and he pushed me against the door, his fingers pressed gently on my throat.

"Don't move."

He stared at me, his eyes roaming on my face, probably enjoying the sight of my face covered with his cum, as his other hand pushed my wet panties aside. He rubbed my clit softly but quickly and shook his head.

"I want to watch you cum." he whispered.

That's all it took. I felt a wave of pleasure cross my body and making my legs shake slightly. My knees went weak but i got to hold myself as i closed my eyes and let out a few curse words louder than i intended. It felt amazing and i never wanted it to stop as he kept touching me through my orgasm.

"Mm you did very good, petal." he told as i was panting.

He moved both his hands away and i breathed in and out deeply.

"I wish you didn't have to clean your face."

I chuckled and rolled my eyes, reaching the sink and turning the water on. I threw some in my face and rubbed my cheeks, looking at him in the mirror. He had zipped his pants back and was staring at me.

"I'm gonna fuck you against the wall."

His words made me laugh and I frowned at him.

"No you won't. We're done, Horan."

He looked at me until I was completely dressed and cleaned and I walked up to him. I don't know how long we stayed in silence, our eyes stuck on each other's, but the only thing I could hear were the beatings of my heart against my rib cage. He reached for my cheeks and cupped my face, taking a step closer. I smiled as he bent down and felt his lips brush against mine. It gave me a rush but I pulled away with a laugh.

"Nice try."

Quickly, I unlocked the door and he just grabbed my arm, making me turn around to face him. He was so hot, even more than usual. His eyes sparkled, as cheesy as it sounded, and his cheeks were a pale shade of red because of the orgasm.

"Did we switch millenium?" he asked with a smirk, making me frown. "You said never in a million years, didn't you?"

I grimaced and flipped him off before to move past him to leave.

"Bye Y/N, i'll see you around!"

"Maybe."

NOTE: im going to write a part 2 from HIS pov where he eats her out. now my question, should she be his SUB again, or should she DOM him? please message me!

[tellywoodtrash]

dil boley oberoi: week 1 lb

the lb for the 13.02.17 can be found here.

ok, let’s do this! (said with at best, mid-level enthusiasm and mostly a sense of obligation to omkara... sigh. the things i do for love.)

14.02.17 

gotta say, as much as i hate it, i kinda miss the IB starting minute preview thing. it mentally prepares me for what’s coming up. 

gauri talks too fast. 

i want to rip that vest off omkara and fucking burn it. 

ok not a huge fan of gauri’s extremely dheelam-dhaale kapde. 

and the dupatta doesn’t go with the rest of the outfit????

the couple that hair flips together, stays together. 

also, the couple with super obvious wigs apparently stays together. 

since when is om such a jerk? 

ouff. tadi waala walk. 

oh boy. pehla ATMA-SAMMAAAAN waala dialogue from heroine. 

“ladki”??? as if you’re a 100 years old??

also, what’s your problem, om? you need the place empty by evening, and she said she’ll leave in 2 hrs. 

ouff zidd and vishwas and tadi and ughhhhhhh. 

OMG ASSHOLE. OM!!!!!!!!! I DID NOT RAISE YOU LIKE THIS! 

WHYYYY COULDN’T YOU JUST HAND HER THE MONEY LIKE A DECENT HUMAN BEING, OM????????? 

um... ok? what did she just yell at him? i don’t get half the things she says. 

pakka anika ki behen hai. dem muck throwing genes be strong. 

dude, he’s worse than shivaay? which is... an impressive feat. 

lmao, she’s watching a video on her phone on how to operate the bulldozer. 

the video said “escalator” for accelerator. 

why are these girls so damn extraaaaaaaaaaa when it comes to the oberoi boys’ cars? ek ne windshield toda, toh dusre ne bulldozer hi chala diya. 

that does look quite therapeutic for rage issues actually. i wonder if there are places that rent out bulldozers for such reasons. i could use it. 

damn. she’s kinda annoying, but i liiiiiike her. 

RUDRA! <3

ok if her mom is just walking around all fine now, she obviously wasn’t in life threatening danger. 

ok, i’m already loving the gauri/rudra dynamic. 

“bhaaji laane ke liye naukar hai mere ghar mein.” lmao

lmaoooo “AUNTY KA KHAYAAL RAKHNA”, as if he knows who she is. 

what’s happening to shivaay’s accent? 

please, shivaay’s name would never be saved as “bhai” in om’s phone. 

“anika kam thi, jo ek aur hindi ki dictionary aa gayi mere paas?” 

*snort* 

lol shivaay also got suckered into the namaste. 

“pyaari nahi, bohut SAARI baatein karti hai.” hee hee 

fwding her chulbul pandey theatrics coz nope. 

where the fuck did om just buy a new smart phone from this randomass bareilly bazaar? 

tadi waala sunglass removal. 

oh look, she has ishaana-style bangles, with the hanging thingys. 

haven’t seen a height difference like this since ek duje ke vaaste. didn’t think kunal was that tall. is shrenu just exceptionally tiny?

om’s dubbing is super bad, dude. 

jesus, what the fuck even is going on in the precap?

15.02.17

how does gauri even know shivaay’s name? anika/rudra didn’t mention it, did they? and the phone just said BHAI when he called. 

lmaooooo om’s exasperation. 

“yeh ladki hai ya aafat?!”

pft, tere bhai ne bhi yehi sab kaha tha. now look at him feeling up his wife at any given chance. tera bhi yehi haal hona hai. 

omg this fucking chachi

JESUS CHRIST WTF 

ok, i didn’t think i’d hate anyone more than bandari bua, but this chachi and her... whoever this guy is have rapidly risen to position #1.

... what’s wrong with the mom? 

why’s omkara just sitting outdoors, outside a BUS? it’s not even an RV. does bareilly not have hotels? 

i honestly don’t get half the things gauri says in her accent. 

why the fuck did you wait this long, you idiot girl? 

ouff 5 minutes wasted on zooming into these people’s faces. 

er, that bangle be tacky af. 

god. watching this is making me feel ickyyyyyyyyyyyy. 

also what a waste of rahul dev, who’s actually a pretty good actor. 

um, what the fuck?????????????????

jesus christ what kinda backward “na aana is des laado” bullshit is this show. for fucks sake omkara, how much must you exploit my love for you?????

CHARACTERLESS GIRL??????? om, i am fucking this close to disowning you. you heard her fucking screaming. did you leave your brain behind in mumbai or??? 

ugh i don’t wanna watch this crapppppppp. i was just here for funnnn hijinks from omRu. 

SOMEONE EXPLAIN TO ME WHY OMKARA IS OUTSIDE LIKE A FUCKING HOMELESS PERSON

ok, dramatic scenes are not kunal’s strong suit. 

also everytime he runs, i remember that insta video of his wig flying off and i need 10 minutes to stop laughing. 

um, where was all this “there’s always a solution” optimism when you were going through issues yourself, omkara? then you were perfectly happy to try and commit suicide and put your family through hell every other day. smh. 

ok, that’s the second jhanvi who’s just up and set flames to herself in a week. not a good week for jhanvis. 

how is she still okay enough to talk after burning for a whole minute??? 

are there are no such things as ambulances in bareilly? 

oh hai original!Jhanvi. have you moved to this show too? i miss pinky and your bonding. 

apparently in the ib universe, fire doesn’t cause scarring to anyone.  

um maybe coz you set yourself on fire in front of your kids, jhanvi? do you think that ppl stay emotionally sound after seeing shit like that???? 

oh shut up om. you’re an idiot of the first order. fuck off. 

16.02.17

hubba hubba. om in all black. be still my beating heart. 

you fuckin’ stop that, heart. we don’t like him in this show. 

oh i like gauri’s shaadi outfit. a little too gaudy, but i like the colours.

lo, svetlana di has also defected to this show. 

ugh ommmmmmmm. you’re a fucking idiot. 

use your WORDS, gauri. 

RUSTLE OR JANGLE THAT SHIT GIRL. 

IF SHE CAN MAAROFY THESE BADE BADE DIALOGUES, WHY CAN’T SHE JUST SHOW HIM THE CHAINS NOW????? THIS SHOW IS SO FUCKING STUPID I CAN’T EVEN

OK A MAN IS GIVING AN AURAT LECTURES ON BEING AN AURAT, FUCK OUTTA HERE WITH THAT GARBAGE OM. 

lo, yeh bhi shaayari marta hai. gauri ki toh kismat hi phooti hai, chaahe shaadi villain se kare ya hero se. 

lmao gauri, DOES IT LOOK LIKE HE CARES?????? HE KIDNAPPED YOU. DOES HE SEEM LIKE A BIG SUPPORTER OF CONSENT????

what is it about kali that makes any woman who’s around him want to kill herself? 

what the fuckkkkkkkkkk is wrong with this chacha chachi? they’re straight out of the fucking purge, murdering ppl for shits and giggles. 

“hum theek hai”, the maa says, as she stands submerged in the drum she was being drowned in like 3 seconds ago. typical desi mom, downplaying her issues. 

ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. SO MUCH MICHMICHI AND RAPEYYYYYYY

use your giant fucking skirt to hide it girl 

oh fuck off with your judgey eyes, om. 

yes please fuck back off to mumbai, where you’re less of a prick. 

AT LEAST LOCK THE DOOR YOU STUPID GIRL 

which chirota is she calling???? 

the chirota better not fucking call back right now. 

he’s going to, isn’t he? 

UGH. 

WHY IS THE ANDROID PHONE RINGING WITH THE IPHONE RINGTONE? 

om, why such snoopy? just get your papers and fucking go. 

of course. i hate such contrived bullshit. 

i swear i want to slappppppppppp om every time he makes that sada hua judgey shakal 

thakur’s coats are made of whatever bacha-kucha material there is after making the inner lining of shivaay’s suit coats. 

anniversary? 

EW. SUCH FUCKING RAPEY BULLSHIT. PLEASE MAKE IT STOP, I CAN’TTTTTT. 

“jawaani ka mol” jesus above. 

17.02.17

om has no fucking right to make such faces, being the judgey misogynist that he is. 

what the fuck is that tiny child even supposed to do? 

i am this close to clocking omkara in the face and pulling his oh-so-prized hair. 

that sona looks so fucking fake. some effort into props please. 

wow, rapey comments + weight shaming. nice crowd. 

I... UGH. THIS SHOW, MAN. WATCHING IS LITERALLY PAINFUL. 

just say you have a fucking itch on your leg girl. 

pft, as if thakur would let her dance to such a depressing song on his wedding. 

also fwding. because i honestly cannot. 

lmao, om’s face and shoulder jostles at her dancing on him. 

and wow, the thakur’s totally ok with her doing that. 

and there goes the phone. 

pfffffffffft. so over these trip falls. 

OM. COULD YOU STOP WITH THE ASSUMPTIONS. HONESTLY. 

gauri, why do you even care what he thinks about you? he’s gonna be gone tomorrow. 

OM. YOU AND YOUR TRUTH SERUM FUELED PERSONALITY. 

EW THAKUR GET YOUR HANDS OFF HER. 

AND OM, CAN’T YOU SEE YOU SEE HOW SHE’S REACTING? WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU?????????

GOD THIS EPISODE IS SO FUCKING LONG WHY WON’T IT GET OVER

he keeps saying shaadi aaj hai, shaadi aaj hai; when is this fucking shaadi already???

GOD I CAN’T STAND THIS FUCKING CHACHI, I’M FWDING. 

is this the same mandap they used for shivaay and tia’s firrrrrrrrst wedding attempt? the day anika bust in with the poster waala reveal? 

and she’s back in this outfit? 

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I CAN’T BELIEVE I’M WATCHING THIS FUCKING RAPEY SHIT I HATE MYSELF SO MUCH 

that one brother’s moochi looks so fucking fake. 

GOD. WHY WON’T THIS EPISODE ENDDDDDDDDDDDD

FWDING. COZ I CAN’T TAKE THIS ANYMORE. 

UM EXCUSE ME WHAT THE FUCK KINDA POLYGAMY BULLLLLLLLLSHIT

I’M SORRY BUT I JUST CANNOT WATCH THIS SHOW. I CAN’T. I TRIED BUT I CAN’T. IT’S LITERALLY TOO PAINFUL TO WATCH. 

i’ll keep up with written updates and try and come back to it when it’s not such a fucking shitshow, but i really cannot watch this show as it is right now. 

fuck you om. i don’t love you thaaaat much also. 

[vitos-ordination-song]

i know im not the only one who was fucked up by her bc another one of my friends was hurt by her too but not as bad bc they werent as close. i just think she’s someone who isnt gonna change. like i saw she graduated from college, she’s trying to be a vet which makes sense, and her cover photo on facebook is her w her parents. her parents were messed up and part of the problem i think. 

the thing that messed w my head was she would do really hurtful things and then act like i was crazy for being hurt by them. and i felt dumb looking back for how invested i’d been in the relationship. we had good times. a lot of good times. like that’s another thing, we really were close. i loved her. we were friends for a long time. 

then things started to change. we got really close and she told me we were best friends and then she stopped talking to me. like. i remember we shared a table, me her and another friend in math class, and she would talk to him but act like i wasnt there. i never got an explaination for this either. it started to upset me and make me feel crazy but then my birthday came around. she was like are we still going to the aquarium? i remember having this surge of hopefulness and joy like, she hasnt abandoned me! and i just let it go. of course we were going to the aquarium. and she acted so nice the entire night.

then i went off to work at a camp for the summer and had no signal so we werent texting. i sent her messages on facebook but she didnt answer. i shrugged it off. maybe she wasnt checking her messages.

then fall came. and it was like on again off again with her. one day we were friends, the next she was distant and dismissive. and ppl were like, maybe she’s just going through a hard time, but the thing that fucked with me was she didnt treat anyone else like that. 

she’d always bailed on me last second and it started to annoy me more. and she’d do these weird things were it was like she was trying to tell me she cared about other people more. one day she publically denied being my best friend despite having told me we were best friends.

at the retreat senior year, idk, i ended up confronting her in the bathroom and she said she was suicidal and that was why she was acting that way. i felt bad. i asked her why she didnt talk to me about it and she said she had a therapist. i guess i felt like this was affecting our relationship so if she was gonna treat me that way i should know and be able to help her, but i also felt guilty about it. 

so the next few months was me battling feeling bad about the way she treated me and instead trying to build her up. i wanted her to know i thought she was beautiful and valuable. i made sure she had lots of friends and encouragement. my school was p fucked and she’d been bullied by people in our grade. the year before she made cupcakes for everyone and people refused to get up and go try them. i got extremely mad at them and went around the school to round up other people so she wouldnt be alone. i did a lot of that kind of thing. it was like i was trying to give her self-esteem and a friend group.

all that seemed to happen was that she became unstable, going between high and low self-esteem. when she felt good about herself she treated me like a playtoy she could throw away or fiddle with depending on her mood. when she felt bad about herself she couldnt really be a friend and just was miserable and needed support. 

i just thought if i could love her enough it would be okay. i realized looking back how stupid i had been. i was a dramatic teenager so after we stopped being friends i deleted all the emails i ever sent her and realized how much more i had talked to her and reached out than the other way around. and presents were another thing. in junior year i made her a book. special made with all her favorite things. and she like bought me a kids book or something like that, one that had nothing to do with my interests. 

her birthday senior year rolled around. i was in charge of planning her party. i bought a bucket and filled it with her favorite things, it cost me over 100 dollars which was a lot of money for high school me. then she cancelled the morning of and made me tell everyone. 

i was absolutely devastated. i cried the entire day. i went out with one of the friends who was gonna go to the party but i didnt feel good at all. we went to kareoke and i cried singing the songs, no matter their mood. 

the next day i went to see her with the present. i may as well give it to her since i spent the money. on the way there i started to feel guilty. what if something bad had happened? what if she wasnt okay? how selfish was i?

then i got there and she welcomed me in. smiling, nice. no feelings beyond surface level. 

she’d lied to me. she told me her parents made her cancel but it wasnt true. she’d had a sleepover with someone else. she just said she was suicidal again but she wouldnt actually let me in at all. so i had to put up with any way she treated me because she was struggling. it didnt matter what i felt or what i was going through. 

i started to split while we were there and she could tell.

i texted her later and said i wasnt going to talk to her at school and play nice until we actually sat down and dealt with things. she didnt answer me for three days and so i didnt talk to her at school. she started to freak out that i was doing that. i also told some people i was mad at her and what she had done. that resulted in her telling the staff of the school i was bullying her and i had to go to the office. i didnt get in trouble but it just made me madder. it was especially fucked up because she was suddenly friends with the people who HAD bullied her. she wanted approval not from me, a socially isolated loser, but from the cool kids who’d been mean to her. 

i kept trying to talk things out with her. and then she accused me of being in love with her. even though i’d never told her she knew i was a lesbian. it was crushing. and she kept denying she’d done anything to hurt me.

i just wouldnt talk to her and pretend we were still friends if we werent going to deal with things. i avoided her. then we graduated and went on the senior trip. right at the end of it she came up to me and apologized. i fell to pieces. i sobbed and kept saying i was sorry over and over. she said she knew she’d hurt me. i thought we would be friends again. 

then when we were going home she just shut me down again. instead of talking to me she had other friends to talk to. i wanted to reestablish our relationship but nope. 

she didnt talk to me the entire summer. i was pretty much ready to move on. but once she started college all of a sudden she wanted to be friends again. the way i saw it was once she was separated from all her other support she went back to the idiot loser who would do anything for her. she only really talked to me when she was in emotional crisis and she didnt listen to anything i said, she just spiraled. 

when i stopped answering her she got obsessive and kept texting and calling me over and over and over. i decided to block her number but first i reached out to her parents to check if she was okay. they said she was fine and expressed surprise she was talking to me because she’d told them how terrible i was. and that was the end of it. 

if i could talk to her now, i guess i’d say like. on the one hand i dont hold it against her because she was a teenager and ive treated people shitty myself. but i think it would do me good to be able to confront her and just say how much she hurt me and ask me why she did it, if i ever really meant anything to her. we were friends for all of high school, right until that last semester. thats a long time, at least for a young person. i was really dedicated to her. i loved her. i wanted to help her. i wanted to stay her friend. i dont understand why i wasnt good enough for her and what i did wrong. did she even think of me as a person? why did she do that to me? why did she act like my friend in the first place?

[the-origin-story]

Origin Story Text Posts and Onion Headlines Part 9

Kira: one of these days i'm going to roll my eyes too hard and i'm going to go blind, i just walked into this room at a party and someone yelled "dibs!", I'm sorry you must be at least a level 4 friend to unlock my tragic backstory, I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting., how ones one turn their emotions off, idc (I do care), This Shit Again, i hope common sense is the next cool trend, no offense but i hate myself and i hope i die in my sleep, i need a tall boyfriend so he can get things for me off of tall places. i changed my mind boys are demons ill get a ladder, "your eyes hella red u been smokin??" no I been crying bitch leave me alone, why do ppl think its ok to waste my time, who let me adult I can't adult, japanese legend says that if you shut the fuck up you wouldn't be so annoying, "yall need to chill" says me, who isn't chill not even a little bit., here i am, cuter and more kissable than ever, and how many kisses am i receiving? zero, why doesn't anyone appreciate my sarcasm and bitterness as much as i do, what the hap is fuckening, current mood: angrily bisexual., buying clothes that aren't black is hard, are those feelings get them away from me, girlfriend: why don't you take off that battle armor and slip into something a bit more.....comfortable me: i am most comfortable when i am impervious to most forms of physical attack, "I need to you to totally straight with me-" *nervous bisexual laughter*, i can't stop laughing at the fact that i used to think that i was straight me a heterosexual, ever wonder how different your life would be if that one thing never happened, Youve heard of Best Buy, now get ready for... me (the best bi), ATTENTION! The rumors are true! i AM beautiful AND hilarious at the SAME TIME. yes it is a lot to take in take ur time my beauty is timeless, Fact: Bisexuals are open to everything. Coffee dates, crowded parties, underground robot fighting rings, secret witch covens. We're open minded., bi people are are wonderful and magical and their identity is so so valid pass it on, Your Safety Is Our Second Concern, anyway sorry I sound really gay and bitter, list of things i'm handling well currently 1., my life's resume: i tried, anyway *goes to push my glasses up my nose by the bridge and accidentally gets fingerprint on lens* fuck okay hold on, do you ever just look at someone and think "I'm glad your parents had sex", If I had a dollar every time someone called me ugly I'd have 0 dollars bitch you thought lmao, I may be short but you're still beneath me

Jean: me 300 times a day: im so done, that person you just called a nerd? they are a giant nerd. you made a good call on that one., "if u like someone just tell them!" yeah sure goodbye, why does life feel like i'm playing on expert difficulty, the robot apocalypse will be caused by people talking about the robot apocalypse so much that the robots will think that's what we want and they're just trying their best, i want to give him (Becket) things like blowjobs and self esteem, I am awake but at what price, me: *discussing w/ myself in my head* me: my thoughts exactly, I'm like four days past my bedtime, no offense but some of us *looks pointedly at self in mirror* need to fucking chill, reasons to date me: 1: 2: 3: 4: 5: please lol, "its dark im scared" don't worry bae i got this *stomps foot* *sketchers light up*, me: *talks for 30 minutes straight on a subject no one cares about just because i love sharing information*, me:*lies down* things:*continue to happen* me: lieS DOWN HARDER*, friend: you look stressed me: haha yeah it's the stress, it's raining but it's not men so what's the point

Cypress: is it gay in here or is it just me?, im the seductive malicious forest spirit your parents warned you about, me: hangs out w/ little kids and tries to reach them self love and feminist ideas, I am a dream girl I already know, i'm a good person i don't deserve to be mistaken for a heterosexual, *me flirting* hey wanna suffer together, "sit up straight" how dare you i'll sit as gay as i please, Area Women Not Listened To Again, "women are weaklings!" i'm strong enough to carry your corpse to the woods, I'm in love with this girl. She's gorgeous, smart, talented, funny as hell, and totally badass. That girl is me. boy: says something sexual or flirtatious me: right...anyway, "you can't wear that!!!! people will get the wrong impression!!!" the impression that i am a hot babe with an ass that just won't quit??" honey that ain't wrong that's just a fact

Becket: am i a complex carbohydrate because i am slowly breaking down, I'm usually that person who has no idea what's going on, no offense but what the fuck am I doing, eyebrow game strong?, more like eyeBAG game strong. i'm fucking exhausted. haha lol, au where i'm not crying, i expect the minimum and am still disappointed, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE PEOPLE who are simultaneously GIANT DORKS are my ULTIMATE WEAKNESS, me: knows exactly what i have to say me: stutters and fucks up a 5 word sentence, me, a sensitive and very emotional person who cries easily and can't take any criticism: i wanna fight someone

Liam: im fluent in talking shit, is it morally okay to pray that your crush's relationship doesn't work out, I walk this broken road on the boulevard of broken roads Don't know where it broke but it's only me and I broke the road, can you not date people that are not me? it's rude., i think i stole all of the wrong personality traits when when making my identity because no one fucking likes me??, hot people who know they're hot are the worst and can't be trusted, I thought you were in love? just with myself, *avoids even people i love w all heart*, I may look calm but in my head I've killed you three times, Child Development Experts Say Boys Not Fully Mature Until Avenging Father's Murder, i bet you thought you'd seen the last of me, i try not to sound like an asshole but it's really hard because i am an asshole, why are 15 year olds so angry

Bean: wanna make a secret handshake it involves us touching our mouths together for three hours, don't look at me i'll fall in love with u, Do you ever look at a person and get the urge to just drop everything and yell I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU, here's a little song i like to call "i cherish our friendship so i won't tell you i would totally have sex with you if you asked"

Cyra: IF YOU SAY ONE MORE WORD I'M GOING TO GRAB YOUR FACE AND kiss it because you're cute , do you ever just want to hold someone in your arms for about 37 years, QUICK. PUT YOUR LIPS ON MINE IT'S AN EMERGENCY, @god thanks for making girls so pretty, they're just really cute and in love, my kink is a happy n fulfilling relationship, my seduction style is is genuinely caring about your life & wanting you to improve & be happy, otp: smol and tol, you can't be hot and just expect me to act normal

Jean and Kira: I'm Always Open To Feedback I Can Get Defensive About And Ultimately Ignore

The Squad: Group Of Good-Looking People All Headed Toward Same Place

[survivorpanem]

EPISODE TWELVE - “I CAN’T COMPENSATE FOR STUPID PEOPLE“ - JAKE

Okay, oh my god. Oh my god. I cannot believe I just survived that vote I'm so glad omfg. I flipped someone who flipped on me I'm SCREAMIng. Idk what you call that but I call it ICONIC. I pulled out ALLLL the receipts to Sam trying to show her why she couldn't trust Isaac and Andrew and why I was the best person to keep. Truthfully, I don't know who would've been her best option to keep, but I needed her to think it was me. So yeah, that was successful, tru. I couldn't flip Isaac like I wanted to, but idk I mean it's probably better that way because it gives me a reason to vote for him and for him to vote for me if I make it to the end. So like I think I have a plan to make it to at least f4. I'm playing my idol this week. Sorry but the blind week is just not working for me, sorry not sorry! I'm gonna use my vote negator on Isaac, and have Sam use her extra vote on Isaac, and have Sam and I vote Isaac. Then have Zack and Sam B vote jakey. That way the vote will be split 3-2-1. If Isaac plays an idol then Jakey goes. If he doesn't have an idol boom he's gone. And I'd tell Isaac I'm voting jakey and Jakey I'm voting Isaac that way at the end of the vote, either way it falls I could tell them I told the truth lmao. I'm playing my idol because in the long run I can't really trust anyone completely like I did that round, I mean Sam flipped when I never expected her to. So like if Isaac plays an idol on himself or wins immunity and Sam and I vote him and like Sam B flips on us and votes with like jakey to take out me the vote would be 2-1 and I'd go home! And a bad, disgusting, but possible even if unlikely scenario would be if Isaac/Jakey won immunity and the other played an idol on themselves. Or who knows they could have stuff from the cornucopia???? Okay so then, at f5 it'd hopefully be Zack, the Sam's, Jakey and myself. I truly do not think Jakey has an idol, I'd be shook if he did when like he was barely online. So like my plan would be for all of us to simply just vote Jakey. That brings me to f4, where I could at least hopefully go to firemaking, but I believe everyone in this f6 is better than me at comps, except maybe Isaac? But I think Isaac needs to go next for sure. Ugh. But yeah I mean that always leaves a possibility for people to vote me out at f5, and there's always the possibility of an idol... I'm gonna try to think about the likelihood of people voting me during this blind round, with all the risks involved. But I think it's a huge risk in itself to not just be safe and play the idol on myself, especially after the heart attack I got from this last tribal. SPEAKING OF THE FUCKING HEART ATTACK ZACKS FUCKING ASSHOLE SELF GAVE ME A PANIC ATTACK!!! He messages me right when tribal council is starting and is like "I'm so sorry" BITCH?? I was like omg what did you vote me and he's like yes I'm sorry but Andrew gave me a better offer you're more of a threat I'm so sorry I didn't wanna tell you on call (Sam B and I had added him to our call after I convinced her to reflip). And I freaked tf out! I was like wtf omg I couldn't even type my hands were S H A K I N G and I couldn't breathe and my heart beat so fast yo it was so bad like omg how fuckin lame is that how gross! And like I couldn't even curse him out in the main chat properly LMAO. Like I'm dyin Zack is so annoying omg lmfaooo oooh he had me fucked up! I think the best person to sit next to come f2 (I'm basically just certain it's gonna be a f2 now which is so ugly bc it decreases my chances so much) would be Sam B just because of how she flip flopped on this vote. Like she was a way bigger threat before the vote but now idk. I feel like Andrew and Isaac would be scorned jurors but eh who knows ugh. I hope the upcoming immunity challenges will be luckier for me despite zacks wild ass comp abilities omg. Ugh I just hope all their threatening competition winning asses take me to the end ugh. But I am glad that I'm at this point in the game with a cast that I love..and zack. JK ZACK ILY HNG. But yeah

Okay I'm pretty sure tribal is in an hour and nobody has talked to me at all. Guess I'm leaving tonight. That's what I get for being a flop ass bitch and flipping and then flipping again on the revote. It's been fun panem.

welp... i guess isaac is stupid as fuck? lksjdgdlfkjh srsly WHO are my ALLIES... HELP!!!! these ppl suck god even worse than i do. so my plan for this round is get sam b and isaac BACK TOGETHER god... and then flip zack to vote out sam g... which i kinda set up last round when i told zack that i'd vote with isaac to get his trust. im still playing zack and i dont wanna go to the end with him but i dont wanna go to the end with sam g or jc either so like... an ideal f3 would be me sam b and isaac. lmao. everyone sucks idk why sam b voted andrew out like god these people are stupid. idk i dont think ill win immunity since its like luck. but christine goddess got me an immunity advantage so thats nicee. im not telling anyone about that shit! it's a blind round which is fun!!!

Okay so I have a little idea brewing in my witch pot brain....what if I go around this week "confiding" in people that I have the idol. Like, I'll start with Sam G and then move to Zack and maybe tell Sam B and maybe even Isaac. I want to tell them because I'm going to be playing my idol this round almost without question...but since it's a blind week none of them will know that I'm playing it! Then come f5 hopefully the remaining people are Zack, the Sam's and Jakey, and all of them would still think I have an idol that I'd most likely be playing on myself, which means none of them would flip on me. As for jakey, I wouldn't tell him I have the idol but hopefully Isaac would've told him after I told Isaac which would make things even more believable if it's coming from another source, so jakey might not even vote me. Idk I think that no matter what people are going to vote me anyway, so there's no harm in adding a possible larger target on my back with this idol if it also has the possibility of protecting me. Not only that but if I confide in people, who knows they might have an idol and confide in me too! Also, I'm going to tell Isaac his best chances of survival would be to vote Jakey. Because if I negate his or jakeys vote and we split it 3-2 that means if Isaac has a vote, he could vote jakey and tie it 3-3. Or, he could be dumb and throw his vote away to someone else. And who knows, on the revote we might keep Isaac, if he stayed loyal maybe it'd be smart to keep him especially because he's not as good at competitions unlike jakey, and it relieves the threat of such a goat (baa) like Jakey. But at the same time he's very good with his words and shit so at f5 he might be able to conjure up some magic to cause drama and flip a vote idk. But I could always keep on persisting saying if Isaac does make it to FTC he deserves to win because we let him make it there when we had majority. This is gonna be an INTERESTING week, know that!

Later...

Okay so I've been strategizing and thinking, and like that whole idea of revealing I had the idol and whatnot and like I don't think it's worth it seeing as it gets revealed that an idol gets played...but idk maybe it's worth it? I don't knowwww. I could always tell them I'm playing the idol tonight, discourage them from flipping on me, but then they'd be like tf why you playing an idol? I might just be a crazy bitch and risk not playing my idol again LMFAO. That'd be so wild. But I think if someone else plays an idol I most definitely would. Yo I wish I had a map of the arena for every bitch left in the arena because after last round I learned you can't trust no bitch! Ugh but like I feel like things will be so much easier if I can just wait til next week to play my idol, what are the chances bitches are gonna flip on me again /right/ after flipping on me last week. Like you'd think they'd have the courtesy to at least wait til the next round, right?? Right????? Probably not. This is allstars after all. Ugh. I need to think of who I want to play my map of the arena on, like who would be the smartest person??? These are the pressing questions.

Later...

Sam G has a map of the arena? INTERESTING. Immediate reaction I'm so happy because this is going to clear up soooo much paranoia. But I am a bit confused because I thought that only one map could be purchased per round, so it wouldn't make sense that she got a map this round because I have the map this round!!! Omfg now Sam B approached me about voting out Sam G, I'm SCREECHING. Like the level of shook I am rn is 10/10. I think it'd probably be smart to take out Sam G since I might be seen as her sidekick or something, but I don't think it'd be smart to do it this round. And not only that but if I did make it to f2 with Sam I feel like I could showcase how I wasn't just second in command but made moves and decisions that she didn't necessarily want like the a Brian and Liana votes. And I got the idol from her clue. Yeah I do think this round it's smartest to vote out jakey, then next round could be either of the Sam's or Isaac. If I can keep my idol until next round like its seeming possible to, then I don't even necessarily have to worry about who comes into f4. Except I do have to worry in that I don't want my ass heading into a firemaking challenge!! I've said it before and I'll say it again, everyone else left in the game is a bigger challenge threat than I am so like?? Fuck. But I think if Sam G comes in to f4 with me they'd be more likely to vote her out over me which is better for me hng. Let's say jakey does leave this round (fingers crossed bih), then  who would I want with me in the f4? I feel like my best case scenario would be the Sam's and Zack, because the Sam's may vote each other and Zack may vote with me hopefully. If Sam G goes home this week, that'd leave an opening for either Sam or Zack to flip with Isaac and jakey, and even though I'd have my idol to protect myself for f5 and take one of them out, I'd still have to worry about f4 and fighting another in a fire making challenge. Idk this is all totally assuming Zack wins like every single immunity too like I'm expecting him to. LIKE ZACK IS AN IMMUNITY QUEEN, GODDDD. But nah damn my girl Sam B is trying real hard to put a move on her jury resume. She's really worried about getting second place again, and I feel her, I don't wanna be last juror again, and I especially don't want to lose this season after everything, so I get her dilemma. But I have to do what's the very best for my game, and I think that's voting out jakey. THATS JUST MY OPINIONNNN (insert that's just my opinion gif). But yeah I gotta keep my eye on Sam B 👀

Whew I almost forgot to do a confessional because I had the sappiest dumb confessional ever but I decided not to send it and thought I did. So anyways here's my confessional... I can't believe it tied because Isaac couldn't make up his mind. I feel really bad about Andrew but the more I think about it the more I shouldn't care. He never really talked to me at all about this game until his ass was on the line and then when I tried to help him he still threw his vote to me when it could have gone to someone else in case Jaiden played an idol. So this vote is the last vote to play anything I'm pretty sure so IF THERE IS AN IDOL it'll probably be played tonight. I'm playing my extra vote and my second map of the arena (I love my sponsors honestly <3) and Jaiden is playing his vote negator. If the two of us vote together the worst thing that'll happen is that we tie and have to vote again. Hopefully everyone's telling the truth but I don't know this whole merge has just felt too easy. I know there have been a few snags but I don't know something about getting here has felt too easy and I'm too calm so I feel like I'm about to get blindsided tonight. I really wanna make it past tonight though because then I'll beat my Atlantis placement!!

I am soooo torn. Once again. Okay so I am in a 4 person alliance with Jc, Zack, and Sam G. On the other side, I have a final 2 with both Jakey and Isaac. I want Sam G out. But nobody on her side wants to go after her. And there are no numbers without them. That alliance wants to split the vote tonight with 2 on Jakey and 2 on Isaac. What they don't know is that Jakey is playing his idol so his votes will be cancelled. Isaac and Jakey are voting out Sam G, but Jc is using his vote negator on Isaac so it'll just be 1 vote for her. So left we have 3 votes: mine, jakey's and jc's (because jc is voting isaac and zack and sam g are voting jakey which will be cancelled with his idol). Confusing, I know. So Jc and I are supposed to vote out Isaac, and Jakey is voting for Sam G. However I have the opportunity to flip (again) and vote out Sam G. This is what I want. But I am sooo worried about Jc and Zack finding out. Idk how the blind tribal will go, if they will announce that Jc is cancelling a vote or if Jakey is playing an idol. I feel a lot more stress than I did the last blind tribal, that allowed my target to leave and let me keep playing the middle. But this one is definitely going to hurt that. My dream scenario would be Sam G leaving and nobody knowing I flipped and then I have the option to choose between Jc and Zack or Isaac and Jakey. I am praying for this next immunity. If I don't leave tonight (you never know in games like this). I wish I had an idol, or even better a super idol. But I'm just trying to really rely on my social game and my gut at this point. I hope it all works out. And I'm also worried about a vote sneak of my vote just because I did flip last week so I seem untrustworthy, which is why I am going to wait until 3 minutes before votes are due to submit, just so nobody has time to switch their votes to me, if they haven't already done so. Yikes I am nervous whew.

stupid #1 - isaac do i even have to explain like Why did he vote for sam b when she was literally flipping to us ?? i'm like... i can't even process this bc how can i play a game with people like him like it's impossible i can't compensate for stupid people stupid #2 - sam b oh god this girl is a mess. i cant believe she voted out andrew just bc she was mad at isaac or whatever. like yeah he's fucking stupid but u just ruined your own game?? she can't beat jc sam or zack so idk what the fuck her goal is. she's also fucking stupid and if i wasn't drunk i might have knocked some sense into her stupid #3 - zack taking immunity from me even tho he didn't need it and painting a huge target on his back for no reason and fucking over a tight alliance he had with me... it's like do these people even know what survivor is??? how did u pick this "all stars" cast honestly kass voice id like to see that data stupid #4 - sam b honestly who is this bc she never talks to me and i try so hard to start a convo with her and she's just so boring god. apparently her own alliance wants to vote her out so what's her deal??? stupid #5 - Jc he's the least stupid bc honestly i think he's playing the best game out of everyone so i hope he wins if i can't at this point. but i'm not giving him too much credit bc he's only here bc certain individuals are literally STUPID and that is all

Later...

i think im going this round! bc zack is an idiot lmaoooo but whatever cant wait to vote for JC to win!!! lol this game is so boring and literally they all suck. im playing on idol paranoia and the fact that i have finals all of this week and have no time to play immunity but yeah it doesnt look good. Yikes.

UGH IM SO #PARANOID WHY DO I KEEP HAVING THE IDEA OF NOT PLAYING MY IDOL WHATS WRONG WITH ME I SHOULD JUST PLAY IT BEFORE MY ASS GETS CHOPPED FUCK

My favorite thing is how Jc and Sam G have convinced Zack that he has a chance of winning. He hasn't done anything this whole game besides been Jc's lapdog and win immunities like bye.  So this round the other side is splitting it's votes against me and Jakey and expect us to vote against each other so the expect the vote should be like 3-3 but Jc is negating my vote apparently so it's 3-2 but me and Jakey are voting Sam G so it's more 2-2-1 and Sam B isn't voting me and is voting Sam G so it should be 2-2-1 but Jakey also has the idol? So it should be 2-1 with Sam G going home hopefully. I don't want to give up playing this game I've worked too hard for too long to give up. This confessional is really choppy and is bouncing from one topic to another, sorry. I don't understand why Jc wants to keep Sam G when she's literally going to win if she gets to the end. The bitch had a successful idol play. Like?

I'm so sick and just want to go to bed but these fucking bitches had to pick tonight of all nights to try to blindside me. Now I gotta do work

hieeeee! SO. its revote time and i know what i'm doing! but anyways.. i still have my idol and if i use it on me next round im guaranteed 5th place (i think?) so hi WIG! let me go revote now.. this has been a long ass round.

If I'm gunna go I'm going out swinging! I've always tried to stay nice and polite while people are voting me out just in case I can flip but obviously these people are fucking dumbasses and I hope my favorite player ever JC slits all their throats and gets to the end

Later...

ifvdjskd so apparently Isaac and Sam B locked in their votes for me and Zack already said he'd go to rocks so like if JC doesn't go to rocks for me I'm gunna be so mad because I would go for them! If Zack is willing to go to rocks for me and JC isn't Zack 100% has my vote in the finals if he's there even if he's against JC omg JC BETTER DO THIS FOR ME