#and arthur never ever knew. i'm unwell. i'm unwell

[gvaine]

WHAT DOESN'T KILL ME MAKES ME WANT YOU MORE @merthurweek2023 day six —Cruel Summer

[dufferpuffer]

Dufferpuffer Lupin fiend… I want to know what you think: do you think Lyall knew about the Order of the Phoenix? Do you think he knew what his son got up to after graduation?

I believe he’d be very eager to support his son (financially, offering him a home), and Remus would be very eager to decline that support - but would he eventually say “it’s fine dad, I actually don’t need a job because I’ve been camping out at my rich friend’s house, which became a headquarters for a guerrilla, which I fight for full time, so don’t worry about me”?

I have a small obsession with Lyall and I am a Lyall survivalist (I believe he lived to bury his son). The reason for my obsession is because I hate the old overused children’s adventure trope of dead parents! I think it’s delicious to try to make sense of a relationship that could be very complex and problematic.

Could he have been someone like Andromeda and Ted, not an order member, but a distant supporter? Or would he disapprove completely? Or would he be completely ignorant?

it is I, the Loopy Lupin Fiend I too am a Lyall Survivalist - I wrote a little thing ages ago, just a tiny little story about Lyall walking up to accept Remus' Merlin of Honor on his behalf while being haunted by what he has said about werewolves in the past. Just a silly thing :) Maybe needs a rewrite idk, i'm no writer. I'm a yapper. I yap.

Remus is the sort of man who cuts off those he cares about most. If it weren't for the war he would have NEVER spoken to Harry, Sirius, Albus... anyone ever again. He would have fled when Tonks showed any amount of love for him. He would have fled Arthur's unwavering support and Molly's kindness despite her fears and prejudice.

He would have held their positive feelings in his heart like treasured memories and not dared ruin them with the disappointment he would surely bring. Leave them happy.

That is what I think he did to his father. He 'killed' his mother, after all. Just a sweet accepting Muggle, and she died earlier than she should - after his childhood left her thin and weak from stress. (of course he DIDN'T kill her, but the stress parents show when looking after disabled children... it hurts us. Speaking as a disabled child, it hurts a lot seeing parents suffer from being unable to help. it feels like it is our fault for being unwell, confusing and hard. Remus is the type to REALLY blame himself.)

He didn't want to put financial or social strain on his father, who already would have been a target: Specializing in the study of Boggarts and Dementors and such - the exact Dark Creatures Death Eaters use... alongside the fact he insulted Fenrir personally...

I don't think Remus told him shit. I think Remus cut contact completely, at least for the war - maybe, hesitantly, letting his dad know he was alive afterwards... But the best thing he can do for the people he loves is let them live without him - and I think he truly loves and idolizes his dad. He knows Dementors inside and out, and the first think he caught and taught at Hogwarts was Boggarts. His dads specialty.

I think Lyall would be supportive of the whispers of an 'Order of the Pheonix', a secret group maybe perhaps curated by Dumbledore. An underground illegal militia working outside the Ministry. He may have worked with the ministry himself sometimes - but he has seen their incompetence first-hand and experienced their lack of support for the most vulnerable in society.

But if he knew Remus was a part of it all he would do was worry, even if he was proud of his son... so Remus wouldn't tell him. If anything - just let him know he was safe and well (even if its a lie) and he wasn't being pulled in by Fenrir's nonsense.

I like to think he wrote to Lyall telling him he was going to work at Hogwarts. Albus hired him - he was going to be a professor!!! That every time he wrote to his dad it was good news, and Lyall treasured the fleeting contact with his son - even if he knew if he ever wrote back "Come see me sometime!!!" Remus wouldn't respond.

[padfootdaredmetoo]

For the lovely Cass! @theshelbyslimited

Ment to have this done right away but they actually made me participate in my school meeting this morning! Anyway, this is a bit rough (ended up a lot more personal than I intended because I'm going thru some stuff) but I hope it gives you that fluffy feeling. Lots of hurt comfort... But honestly when do I ever not put in happy a ending, might be my biggest flaw as a writer lol

Any way! Love you 💜

Warnings: the reader is a bit depressed, description of feeling down and not being able to get out of bed, Tommy is angry at one point, but it's all just for that big fluffy ending.

Despite the warm august air floating through the open windows of arrow house, you felt cold to the bone. You didn’t know what brought it on. Years of running on tea, whiskey, and adrenaline catching up to you finally, or maybe you were coming down with a cold. 

Francis helped the kids get ready for the day and Johnny Dogs dropped them off at school for you. It was kind of them to help you out on last moments notice and you silently promised yourself to make it up to them when you were feeling better. 

You lay there in your bed. Staring up at the ceiling. It was a good life, well earned, but at what cost? Your husband spent more and more time in London, the family still at odds with each other. None of them were willing to speak to each other despite your efforts to try and work on things. You were the only person running around in between. Somehow free from the consequences of your husband. 

Sounds of birds chirping you put on a record and got back into bed letting your mind drift as you did some deep breathing. 

_________________________

“What do you mean that Johnny Dogs took the kids to school?” Esme asked over the phone. “She always takes them to school, figured she be by right after.”

“Nah, He’d said Francis asked him to take them, said she was ill.” John responded back. 

“If she’s laying down somethings wrong. Poor lamb is always working on something. I’ll swing by to check on her.” 

“Love you,” he said absently. 

“Love you too. Now quit gossiping and do your job.” She quipped. 

Esme sighed and finished the last of her coffee. 

“Fucking bastard must have done something,” she muttered, thoughts of Tommy made her head hurt as she decided to see if Polly knew what was going on. She dialed the familiar number, knots forming in her stomach remembering what they’d last said to each other all those months ago. 

“Shelby.” Her raspy voice answered and Esme faltered slightly. 

“It’s Esme John’s said that y/n is unwell. Do you know what's happening?” 

“Hardly the family doctor these days.” She answered coldly. “What did you hear?” 

“Just that she’s not able to get out of bed. Sent the kids with Johnny Dogs this morning.” 

“She let him drive them?” Polly responded in a shocked tone. “Best to give her space I suppose, I saw her a few days ago. Seemed fine.” 

“I guess so.” Esme thought about it for a moment. “Thank you for answering.” Despite everything that had gone down between them she missed the old bat. 

“Well, thanks for calling I suppose” She responded back equally uneasy. They said their polite goodbyes and Esme grabbed her coat. 

__________________________________________________

“Where’s he fucking taking them then?!” Tommy snapped pinching the brigade of his nose, wishing there was a cure for this never-ending headache that was his life. 

“I don't know. Packed up their things and took off. Called to check in on ya.” Charlie muttered. 

“Fuck - You saw this?” 

“No, Linda overheard John at the shop, then told Arthur, who came by earlier and mentioned it. Wanted to know if you're alright.” Charlie sighed and Tommy hated how aged it made him sound. “Look, Thomas, you can fuck everything up, but don't let that one go, eh?” 

His head started spinning, as he hung up the phone and tried to go over every interaction he’d had with his wife. 

You seemed normal, distant, tired, but not so much that you’d fucking leave. 

He got up from his desk and made a brisk pace towards his car. 

“Mr.Shelby! Where are you going?! The meeting is starting -” A sniveling voice called out behind him and he knew if he took one look at that man - he’d fucking cut him, right here in the entryway. 

“My wife needs me,” Tommy responded coldly, taking the stairs as quickly as possible. 

“Your Wife-” Mosley started and put his hand on Thomas’s shoulder. Without thinking, Tommy grabbed him by the jacket lapels. 

“MY WIFE.” These were the only words he could get out as he gave the taller man a warning glare. “Is my fucking business.” He growled. He briskly moved Mosley aside and made his exit before causing a bigger mess to clean up later. He could feel the man's stunned glare follow him out the front doors. 

He got into the car and purposely forgot the speed limit. Trying to get home as soon as possible to figure out where you’d run to. 

____________________________________________

You lay there feeling defeated by the things you knew you should be doing. No motivation followed the sinking feeling of desperation. Your body had simply had enough of the mental stress. It was waging a war with your brain, and you wished more than anything your mind could be left out of it. 

It was no use. You rolled onto your side and picked up a book that had been stacked on your night table for ages. The small paperback felt like it weighed as much as a gold brick, you felt your eyes try to resist focusing on the small black print. 

Fucking useless. 

You abadoned your attempt and put the book down on the bed. You were in some sort of state between awake and asleep when your husband's voice floated up through the house. 

“NO - I WANT TO KNOW WHERE THE FUCK MY WIFE IS.” 

Guilt shot through you at laying in bed, clearly there was something you were meant to do today and you’d forgotten. You sat bolt upright and resisted the urge to puke. His footsteps got closer and the bedroom door flew open. 

His eyes looked at you in surprise. You realised your hair must be a mess, blankets wrapped around you like a cocoon of laziness. The anger rolling off of him was unavoidable, and you felt yourself start to panic. Normally you’d rise to the challenge and take him down a notch. 

“Where are my kids?” 

“Your kids? Our kids are at school” You whispered, unable to put any spice in your tone. 

“At school?” He looked puzzled. He looked you over again like he was trying to understand some great mystery. He sighed and resisted the urge to put a hole in the wall.

To your surprise, he slipped off his shoes and undid his tie. He came over and sat on his side of the bed and took another deep breath. 

“Are you alright? Sick or just-” He picked up the discarded romance novel and gave you a coy look. You tried to swat it out of his hands but he was too quick for you. He opened it and pulled himself down onto the bed next to you. 

“Trapped in a hypnotic state of pleasure he freed her tender bosoms from her restrictive gown -” 

“Stop! That’s enough.” You wrestled the book away from him, and he trapped you in his strong grip easily. 

“Good lord, I’m your husband, not your priest.” He looked down at you trapped against his chest.

“Have you just come home to shout at everyone and then torment me, eh?” 

“Charlie called me from the yard saying - well fuck -whole fucking family thinks you’ve let Johnny dogs take the kids while you - well the whole thing doesn't make any fucking sense. Should have called home is what I should have done.” He released your arms to light a cigarette. 

“Didn’t realize they’d just been shipped off to school because their mother was enchanted by the spell of - whatever that bloke's name is.” You looked up at his nature, he looked relieved. You couldn't remember the last time you’d had a private moment with him in this type of mood. 

“Couldn’t read - Can’t do anything. Just - my bones are tired, there's a million things I should be doing. But I just - can't” tears started to well up in your eyes and his arms found their place around your body. 

“Just got the blues then.” He answered easily. Initially, you were irritated by his diagnosis. “Your mind stresses your body out to the point where it just stops. Your body needs to rest, but your mind won’t stop eating at you. 

“You get like this?” 

“If I didn’t feel like it was life or death all the time I would, yeah.” 

“How do you fix it?” Normally he wasn’t so open with you, normally conversations were like gymnastics. Took more effort than they were worth a lot of the time. He looked into your eyes and you knew your husband well enough to know that he could feel that same statement. 

“Opium.” He whispered and you tensed up in an attempt to smack him. “Lucky for you I’m here to give you a much better prescription.” 

“And what's that then? Whiskey?”  

“I think the pompous spell caster bloke had the right idea personally.” He wiggled his eyebrows at you and you wondered if you were still asleep. Did you fall into another world? Or did the thought of you packing up and leaving freak him out this bad? Bad enough to pause with you to ensure that you were okay. 

He shifted himself and placed a soft kiss to your lips. Somehow managing to put his cigarette out on the night table.  

You felt your body respond, not just to the passion but the care in his touch as he ran his hands over you. 

That’s when the universe decided to play its usual cruel tricks on you. Suddenly a whole bunch of commotion erupted from downstairs. You groaned loudly in frustration as he pulled away. 

“SHE’S FUCKING SICK YOU ASSHOLES. BE QUIET!” Esme’s loud irritated voice called out, but the commotion only picked up again. 

“To bring her food.” 

“What like you didn’t think the rest of us would come by?” 

“She’s closest to me you knew I’d be here.” 

“This was probably Thomas!” 

“It really hurt when you put that dent in the car and you never apologized.” 

You listened to snippets of the conversation as you and Tommy descended the stairs. Everyone was arguing with each other and you soon realized the whole family was there. 

“Your alive!” Arthur announced. Everyone's focus shifted from you to Tommy standing behind you. You stepped on his foot in warning to keep his mouth shut and you quickly took control of the meeting before it resulted in bloodshed. 

“You all came here to check on me?” tears welled up in your eyes. “How thoughtful! I really can’t express how much this means.” You let your tears fall and really tried to drive the point home, in hopes that maybe you could get them to overcome this feud. 

“All my favorite people together! Excuse me” You dabbed your eyes. “ I got a bad case of the blues, I didn't mean to cause a panic.” 

“Well, you're easily missed ‘round these parts,” John said giving you a smile. “Had to make sure Tommy hadn’t sold you off or anything.” 

Tommy’s jaw clenched and you grabbed his arm hoping it would be enough to get him to hold his tongue. 

“I’d never. No one else to put up with me these days.” He answered calmly. You watched as they took in his words, you were happy when Esme laughed at the tension allowing others to do the same. 

Next thing you knew people were pilled into the kitchen whiskey poured. The rosier the faces the more they seemed to relax around each other. Esme had brought you your favorite treats from a bakery across town. Linda had a whole massive pot of your favorite soup made. 

The boys just brought their hugs and whispered questions needing assurance that you were fine. Tommy was in line. They all still did business together, but you could see that they were missing this just as much as you were. Enough to let sleeping dogs lie. 

Finn showed up at one point after hearing from someone else that’d you died in your sleep. Panic left his features as he embraced you tightly. 

You had everyone stay for dinner, all the kids eating as fast as possible to go play. 

Stories and jokes were told, which soon turned into songs. Something hit you as your chest vibrated, ears filled with the off-key singing of your family. This was what was missing. Tommy’s arm was around you, his face less grumpy looking as even he sang along. 

This was the only cure for the blues. 

You cried, as the feeling of belonging washed over you. Your crying made Esme cry, once she was crying Polly was crying - and Linda, though she would never admit it also looked a bit misty. 

“No - come on ladies -” John started but was quickly silenced by Arthur's loud wail, pulling his brothers (as many as he could reach) into a tight embrace. 

“Well if you’ve all got it out of your system. We should probably check on the kids.” Linda cleared her throat, fascinated by the edge of her napkin. 

“Or we could go play around? Pretty sure they are playing hid and seek.” Tommy said easily. 

John let out a whoop and everyone piled out of the kitchen. 

“Why are all the lights off?” 

“Charlie!” Tommy called out. He came down the stairs and became almost explosive when hearing that they wanted to play. All the kids came to the bottom of the stairs and explained they were playing hide and seek - with the lights out. You resisted laughing at how this affected them. 

They had a whole system for how the game worked and who had to do what. But once realizing that they didn't have the brain capacity to follow along. Charlie just decided it was kids vs. adults. 

All they had to do was hide. 

So they did. All taking off in various directions. You paused down the back hallway unsure of where to go. With a house that big you could probably find a cupboard somewhere. Before you could make it to the end of the hallway large arms pulled you into the wine cellar and you resisted the urge to let out a yelp. 

Tommy pulled you against him ducking down behind a large barrel. Before you could speak his lips were on yours with a fever driven from more than just need. It was a thank you. Family back together, kids happy, all of it because you were too tired to get out of bed. 

________________________________________________

They all spent the night awake. Eventually moving outside to start a bonfire. Wrapped in blankets they let the kids stay up with them, realizing that the little ones wouldn't have experienced these types of gatherings before. So they told all the spooky stories. Polly managed to get a few screams out of the little ones. 

Johnny dogs, Charlie, and Curly came around for the fun too. 

It became a monthly type of thing moving forward. 

Fancy gifts, horses, you had never seen the kids that happy. Ruby settled herself in Tommy's arms, tucking her face in his neck every time the story would get scary. You wanted to lean over and comfort her - but you could see that in her world Daddy’s arms were still the safest place in the world. She’d been having a hard time with him gone so often that you knew it was best to let her enjoy her time with him. 

How on earth he thought you were taking the kids away blew his mind. Ruby still insisted he go to her room every night and pick out a dress for her. Didn't matter how late it was or if she was asleep. He had to pick out a dress and leave it hanging for her to wear the next day. Somehow she always knew if someone else had done it. 

Charlie was next to his cousins laughing at the little one's reactions to his favorite stories.